Transcript:The Mutants Are Revolting


 * [Opening Credits: 100.]
 * [Scene: Planet Express, meeting room.]

Farnsworth: Good news, everyone. We've been hired to make our 100th delivery.
 * [The crew cheers.]

Zoidberg: 100! Hermes: That's almost 10 per year. Bender: This calls for a party, baby. I'm ordering a hundred kegs, a hundred hookers, and a hundred Elvis impersonators who aren't above a little hooking, should the occasion arise!
 * [Scene: Elzar's Fine Cuisine. Today's specials, Fish N' Chimps.]

Elzar: [He pushes a on a cart.] Be very gentle, folks. This is the soufflé you'll be delivering to Mrs. Astor. Bender: Oh my God, it's Elzar! Hi, Elzar! Great soufflé, Elzar! Elzar: Whatever you do, don't drop it. [He holds up a bottle labeled ". Danger! Explosive!"] See, Mrs. Astor takes Nitroglycerine for her heart, and being a class act, she prefers it in soufflé form. [He lets a drop of nitroglycerine soak into the soufflé.] [Softly.] Bam.
 * [The crew gasps.]

Farnsworth: To prevent the soufflé from exploding, Bender will carry it. He's gyroscopically stable. '''
 * [Scene: Space. The ship is swerving through an asteroid belt. It is banking in every direction, with Bender moving with it to avoid damaging the soufflé. The ship gets free of the belt and clips a sign that says "Waldorf Asteroid". The ship to a rough landing, with the crew falling down the stairs, Bender still holding the soufflé upright.]

Farnsworth: Look, Mrs. Astor's mansion, just across that rickety rope bridge. [Part of the bridge falls off.] Amy: Wow, it's ricketier than it looks. You'd better try to jump it, Bender. Bender: Okay, let me back up for a running start. ''[He runs backwards, all the way around the asteroid, across the bridge, back to where he started. He then runs forwards, crossing the bridge and ends up near the crew again. He jumps across the gap. The rest of the crew walk up. Fry rings the doorbell.]'' Hobsie: [He opens the door.] I shall inform Mrs. Astor that the circus is in town.
 * [Cut to: Mrs. Astor's parlor.]

Hobsie: Your soufflé, Madam. Mrs. Astor: I shall take it here, under my fork.
 * [Bender uses his extensomatic arms to deliver the soufflé. He withdraws into his chest and the rest of the crew hides behind him. Mrs. Astor eats a bite.]

Zoidberg: Where the exploding? Hobsie: One does not explode Mrs. Astor's face. Mrs. Astor: I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie?
 * [He places the leftovers into a room full of . An explosion is heard. Mrs. Astor walks up to the Professor.]

Mrs. Astor: Well done, sir. Have you a name? Farnsworth: Hubert Farnsworth, at your service. Mrs. Astor: A Farnsworth, you say? Well, if I'm not mistaken, the Farnsworths have been in New New York for almost two hundred years. Farnsworth: Yes, I have. Fry: And I'm his uncle! Mrs. Astor: How charmingly unconventional. Say, would you Farnsworths care to be my guests tomorrow at the Astor Endowment Fundraiser? All the best families will be there. Fry: We can take 'em.
 * ''[Scene: New New York Historical Society. Annual Astor Endowment Fundraiser. No, no , no service.
 * [Inside, The Professor, Fry and Leela are seated at a table. Mayor Poopenmeyer, Royalty girl, Calculon and Judge Whitey are also there.]

Mrs. Astor: [Narrating for an old black-and-white film.] On April 10, 2912, my late husband and I set off down aboard the Land Titantic, the largest street-going vessel ever built. ''[In the film, the Land Titanic takes off. People are watching it sail.]'' Just four days into her maiden voyage, as we approached, the line-liner struck a mailbox and went down. ''[In the film, we see one of the Land Titanic's wheels hit a mailbox. The ship starts falling through the street.]'' 2000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband. In loving memory, I established the Mr. Astor Endowment, which this year supports the United Mutant Scholarship Fund. Fry: [to Leela] Mutants? That's the kind of thing you are. Leela: Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface. If anyone asks, say I'm an alien, remember? Fry: Right. You gonna finish that roll? Leela: Shh. Mrs. Astor: Now a short film about those pitiable creatures so in need of our charity. Narrator: Far beneath the everyday rumble of and {{w|poodle]} feet, there toil a downtrodden people even less well off than the upper middle class. [The film goes from a busy street to the sewers, where mutants are working.] The noble sewer mutants. For you see, generations of exposure to toxic sewage mutated them into horrific monsters! ''[Leela's parents, along with Dwayne, Vyolet, Raoul are shown on screen. Fry and the Professor scream.]'' Leela: Shut up! Narrator: These industrious, uh, people, I guess, maintain the various pipes and poop chutes that keep decent, above-ground society functioning. [More mutants are shown working on pipes and toilets.] And where do these proud toileteers learn their menial skills? At Brown University, the nation's premiere institute for lower learning. So please, give generously, knowing that some poor helpless mutant will thank you. Not in person, thank God! Leela: Well, that was disturbing. Mrs. Astor: Oh, I understand, dear. They are hideous. Leela: Look, I guess you mean well, but isn't that university just a tax-deductible sewer-cleaning service? Mrs. Astor: My dear, that school is about much more than sewer pipes. Leela: Really? Mrs. Astor: Well, it's also about keeping those filthy things busy. There are thousands of them down there, breeding like rats. Royalty girl: [To Calculon.] My great uncle once saw a rat. Mrs. Astor: If we don't keep them busy, they'll start jabbering on about equal rights in their ill-bred manner. Leela: Let's go. If I say one more thing, I might say it with my evening boot. Mrs. Astor: Well! Rarely have I never!
 * [Leela walks away.]

Fry: Please, don't blame Leela. She's just a little ill-bred. You know how mutants are.
 * [Everyone gasps. Leela stops abruptly.]

Mrs. Astor: You companion is a mutant? Fry: But if anyone asks, say she's an alien. Mrs. Astor: Help! Police!
 * [Leela is handcuffed by Smitty and URL.]

URL: You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get by Mrs. Astor. ''[He and Smitty take Leela away. Leela: [Being led outside.] What's gonna happen to me? Smitty: Permanent deportation you mutant. URL: You going downtown, baby. Way down. [They drop Leela down a man-hole.]