Transcript:A Clockwork Origin


 * [Opening Credits: This time, it's personal.]
 * [Scene: Planet Express, Meeting Room. The crew are sitting at the table.]
 * [Hermes]: Item one... Duck! ''[Most duck just in time, but Bender is clipped by Cubert on a party board.
 * Prof. Farnsworth: Cubert, you crapscallion! What aren't you in school?
 * Cubert: I couldn't get past the protesters. A bunch of smiling, angry people were handing out these flyers.
 * [He shows the Professor one. It shows a woman spanking a man wearing a dunce cap that says "". It reads, "Teach truth, not evolution. Also bring back spanking".]
 * Farnsworth: [He gasps.] is under attack at our schools? To the science mobile.
 * Leela: You mean the ship?
 * Farnsworth: Yes. The science mobile!
 * Leela It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.
 * [Scene: Wozniak Nerd Academy. The ship passes a sign that says "Go Flinchers!" It lands.]
 * Woman: I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it! We will not give in to the thinkers!
 * [The crowd listening cheers]
 * Farnsworth: [Walking to the podium.] You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your trucks and go home!
 * [The crowd boos.]
 * Hydroponic Farmer: [Standing in front of a turnip truck.] That is an insulting accurate stereotype, sir!
 * Farnsworth: As a professor of science, I assure you we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey-men.
 * Dr. Banjo: I can't speak for you, sir, but mine ancestors were not monkeys. They were . Hard-working, patriotic orangutans.
 * '[An orangutan walks up from the crowd. He is wearing a suit and glasses.]
 * Farnsworth: Dr. Banjo?
 * Dr. Banjo: In the fur. And I remind you that evolution is merely a . Like, or the shape of the Earth.
 * [The crowd cheers again.]
 * Flying Spaghetti Monster: Hey, Professor, I'm a flying spaghetti monster. You seriously saying that I descended from some kind of flightless ?
 * Farnsworth: Yes!
 * Banjo: Oh, please. A far more logical explanation is the undisprovable science of . All life was created in its present form seven thousand years ago, by a fantastical creature from outer space!
 * Farnsworth: Bunk!
 * Banjo: Oh! [He shows a hologram of a man and a, with a backwards running through an arrow.] If you elitist, East Coast evolution is real, why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient ?
 * Farnsworth: We did find it! [The arrow is replaced by .] It's called Homo erectus!
 * Banjo: Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found a link between apes and this Homo erectus. [The arrow is put between before Homo erectus''.]
 * Farnsworth: Yes, they have! [The hologram fills in again.] It's called !
 * Banjo: Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so called Homo habilis.
 * Farnsworth: Yes, they have! [The hologram fills in.] It's called !
 * Banjo: Oh-ho! I've got you now! [Time Lapse. The hologram now shows 19 different species of ape. Only Fry and Leela are still there.] Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this ''? Answer me that, Professor!
 * Farnsworth: Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist!
 * Banjo: [He scoffs.] Things don't exist simply because you believe in them. Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!
 * [Scene: [[Oldluvial Gorge. A sign reads "Welcome to Olduvial Gorge. Birthplace of {{w|Ryan Seacreast} (and the rest of humanity). The crew are excavating.]
 * Farnsworth: I'll show that {{w|banana))-swilling, poop-slinger! We just need to find that last missing link.
 * Leela: I found a missing link. It seems to be half-man, half-toucan. [She shows a skull with a large beak.]
 * Farnsworth: Not what we're looking for. Throw it in the soup! [She throws it in a pot.]
 * Hermes: And here's something. [He holds up a fossilized dog] Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs.
 * Fry: Did you say something, Hermes?
 * Hermes: [Hiding the fossil behind his back.] Nothing. [The dog lands in the soup.]
 * Amy: I hate chiseling right after a manicure. Oh! Darn it! I broke off one of my fingers!
 * Zoidberg: [He and Cubert are standing near the fossil of a long-necked reptile.] Look, Cubert. The neck on this one. I bet he spent a fortune on ties! [Cubert looks at him, deadpan.] What, too soon?
 * Cubert: I highly doubt a {{w|Jurassic}} {{w|Elaphrosaurus}} has access to neckwear.
 * Zoidberg: I knew I should have gone with the ring-around-the-collar joke.
 * Bender: Hey, look! I found a robot fossil! [He picks up a spring.]
 * Farnsworth: That's a bedspring, you dumb bedspring! There are no robot fossils!
 * Bender: What? Who says I didn't evolve?
 * Farnsworth: Everybody! Robots were invented quite recently. It was in all the papers.
 * Bender: Then explain this! [He turns around and works on something. He turns around and shows the Professor. He has put eyes on the spring and mounted it on a plaque that says "I hate Mondays".]
 * [Time Lapse.]
 * Farnsworth: I've hit a rich vein of missing links. {{w|Java Man}}, {{w|Piltdown Man}}, {{w|Manfred Mann}}. [He throws out the skulls as he names them.] Eureka! [He is holding a skull.] It's the elusive missing missing link! This will show Banjo, once and for all!
 * [The crew cheers from nearby, where they are eating their soup.]
 * Fry: [He scoops up some soup. Amy's finger is in the spoon.] What the...
 * Amy: Oh, that's mine. [She takes it back.]
 * [Scene: NNY. Museum of Natural History. A banner reads "World Bone Premiere".]
 * Bender: [He walks up to the Professor, wearing an under-sized {{w|Tuxedo}}.] Hmm, my tux doesn't fit. Probably because I've grown so much since I last wore it, or evolved, one much say.
 * Farnsworth: One might not say that. Your tux doesn't fit is because you stole it from a boy!
 * Bender: You mean a man! It was his {{w|Bar Mitzvah}}.
 * Ben Beeler: Welcome, museum members. Or, as I like to call you, future exhibits. [The crowd chuckles weakly.]
 * Zoidberg: [To Cubert.] He's good.
 * Beeler: Tonight, we have a new resident here in the hall of {{w|Hominids}}, generously donated by its discoverer, Hubert Farnsworth. Ladies and gentlemen, Homo farnsworth. [A curtain rises, revealing the skull and an artist's recreation of the hominid.]
 * Farnsworth: Once again, science saves the day. The end.
 * Beeler: And now, to discuss the scientific implications of this discovery, our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo!
 * [The Professor does a {{w|spit take}} His {{w|dentures land in a painting of a Tarsier].
 * Banjo: Thank you Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all dis-proven evolution. [He pulls a cord and a painting of Homo farnsworth riding a dinosaur is revealed.] Behold! Homo farnsworth frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation.
 * Farnsworth: I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
 * [Scene: Outside Planet Express. The ship blasts off.]
 * [Scene: Deep Space.]
 * Farnsworth: Faster! faster! Just drop me off at that {{w|asteroid}} over there.
 * [Scene: Robot Planetoid.]
 * Leela: Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless.
 * Farnsworth: Not lifeless enough! Set up my shack so that I can kick you out of it!
 * [Hermes sets down a container labeled "Blow Shack" and pulls the cord. The shack pops up and sends Hermes flying.]
 * Fry: [Looking at a polluted pond.] Professor, is this your only water source? It looks like {{w|Diet Dr. Pepper}}.
 * Farnsworth: It's not that bad. It's just laden with toxic minerals. But not for long. [He rattles a tube.]
 * Fry: What's in the tube?
 * Farnsworth: Microscopic Nanobots. [He empties the tube. The robots quickly start cleaning the water.] They're tiny robots I designed to eat up nasty irritants.
 * Fry: Speaking of nasty irritants, what's going to become of Cubert?
 * Farnsworth: Who? Oh, my son. Don't worry, he's been safely abandoned with his godfather.
 * [Scene: Planet Express. Cubert and Dr. Zoidberg are sitting at a table.]
 * Zoidberg: Cubert, I felt we needed some father-son bonding time, so I found a couple of  baseball gloves and boiled them up for lunch.
 * Cubert: Why don't you just go to Hell!
 * Zoidberg: Wait! We still have to discuss the facts of life. What are they?
 * [Scene: Robot Planetoid.]
 * Hermes: [He walks out of the Professor's shack.] Okay, I finished moving the last {{w|grand piano}}. Now can we have our pizza?
 * Farnsworth: You'll get your damned pizza, you parasite! First, let me see if my Nanobots have purified the water yet. [He pours some water from an {{w|Erlenmeyer flask}} on to a {{w|microscope}} slide and examines it.] Ah, the water's as {{w|sterility|sterile}} as my milkman-trusting father. But what's this? The Nanobots have gotten more complex.
 * Bender: What's that you say? Those robots have evolved all by themselves, you say?
 * Farnsworth: It wasn't by themselves! I put them there. I'm a genius. Get over it!
 * Amy: Hey look, now they gotten bigger. [The robots are coming onshore.]
 * Farnsworth: Good heavens! Trilobots!
 * [The Trilobots cannibalize the ship while the crew look on in shock.]
 * Leela: Oh no! My sunglasses were in there!
 * [Time lapse. The Trilobots attack the crew.]
 * Hermes: Let's get the pizza out of here. [Hermes runs off with the pizza. The crew follows. The Trilobots cannibalize everything, including the Professor's shack and the piano inside.]
 * Amy: Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain. It might be a cave. [The crew runs into the cave and blocks the door with a boulder.]
 * Leela: Does anyone have a lighter?
 * Bender: Hang on. [He opens a beer and drinks. He burps and adjusts the flame.]
 * Leela: Okay, we've got shelter and just enough precious food to ward off starvation.
 * Hermes: It's pizza time. [He passes boxes to the rest of the crew.]
 * Amy: {{w|Pineapple}}?
 * Hermes: So much for that. [They all throw away the pizza.]
 * [Scene: Planet Express. Cubert's room.]
 * Zoidberg: Hello, I remembered you like superheroes so I painted you a mural on your wall. [He points to a crude drawing of himself and Cubert in costume.] This is Father-Man. He fights crime to earn Son-Boy's respect. Is it working?
 * Cubert: This is sucky! You suck! Who taught you to do {{w|three-point perspective}}? I could make a better mural with my butt!
 * Zoidberg: [Sadly.] Father-Man away. [Cubert looks ashamed.]
 * [Scene: Robot Planetoid. The crew is waking up.]
 * Hermes: Nothing like a cave for a good night's sleep. So what do we have to eat that's not poisoned with pineapple?
 * Farnsworth: I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form. [He holds up a bottle that says "Steak Diner 40mg. Fixin's 10mg".]
 * Leela: Then we need water from that pond. We'll have to fight our way past the Trilobots. [Bender moves the boulder.] Go! Go! Hit anything that moves1
 * [The crew rushes out, {{w|Karate}}-chopping the non-existent enemies. They all fall into a pile. They get up and take in their surroundings.]
 * Fry: Whoa.
 * Bender: Wow.
 * Amy: An entire forest grew overnight.
 * Farsworth: [He knocks on a tree. It is metal and hollow.] These trees are robotic. I can't believe how quickly they sprung up.
 * Bender: I can. Robots do everything faster. Including evolving and believing how quickly things spring up.
 * Leela: [She gets water from the pond and re-hydrates the pill. It turns into a steak.] One this about Bristol-Myers Squibb, they know how to cook a steak. [She takes a bite.]
 * Fry: [In the pond, using a robotic leaf as a boat.] Look at me, I'm the {{w|Dan Resin|Ty-D-Bol man}}. I own a yacht an everyone poops on me. [He is attacked by a robotic {{w|Plesiosaurs}}.] Help! Police!
 * Leela: Everybody grab a club. [The rest of the crew starts hitting the robot.]
 * Fry: [The robot throws opens its mouth and Fry hits the ground, several feet away.] Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... [A robotic {{w|T-Rex}} grabs him in its jaws.]
 * Amy: Look out for the next thing!
 * [A robotic {{w|Triceratops}} rams the T-Rex. The T-Rex robot falls into the water and the Triceratops turns on the crew.]
 * Farnsworth: Great Scott, Tricycle-tops!
 * [The two robot dinosaurs in the pond attack each other.]
 * Fry Woo-hoo! Throw down dinosaurs of the land and sea. [Something crows and Fry screams. A robot {{w|Pterosaur}} carries him off.] This is a cool way to die!


 * [Closing Credits.]

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