Transcript:A Clockwork Origin


 * [Opening Credits: This time, it's personal.]
 * [Scene: Planet Express, Meeting Room. The crew are sitting at the table.]
 * [Hermes]: Item one... Duck! ''[Most duck just in time, but Bender is clipped by Cubert on a party board.
 * Prof. Farnsworth: Cubert, you crapscallion! What aren't you in school?
 * Cubert: I couldn't get past the protesters. A bunch of smiling, angry people were handing out these flyers.
 * [He shows the Professor one. It shows a woman spanking a man wearing a dunce cap that says "". It reads, "Teach truth, not evolution. Also bring back spanking".]
 * Farnsworth: [He gasps.] is under attack at our schools? To the science mobile.
 * Leela: You mean the ship?
 * Farnsworth: Yes. The science mobile!
 * Leela It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.
 * [Scene: Space. The ship lands at Wozniak Nerd Academy.]
 * ''[Scene: Wozniak Nerd Academy. Go Flinchers!
 * Woman: I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it! We will not give in to the thinkers!
 * [The crowd listening cheers]
 * Farnsworth: [Walking to the podium.] You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your trucks and go home!
 * [The crowd boos.]
 * Turnip Farmer: [Standing in front of a turnip truck.] That is an insulting accurate stereotype, sir!
 * Farnsworth: As a professor of science, I assure you we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey-men.
 * 'Dr. Banjo: I can't speak for you, sir, but mine ancestors were not monkeys. They were orangutans. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans.
 * '[An orangutan walks up from the crowd. He is wearing a suit and glasses.]
 * Farnsworth: Dr. Banjo?
 * Dr. Banjo: In the fur. And I remind you that evolution is merely a . Like, or the shape of the Earth.
 * [The crowd cheers again.]
 * Flying Spaghetti Monster: Hey, Professor, I'm a flying spaghetti monster. You seriously saying that I descended from some kind of flightless ?
 * Farnsworth: Yes!
 * Banjo: Oh, please. A far more logical explanation is the undisprovable science of . All life was created in its present form seven thousand years ago, by a fantastical creature from outer space!
 * Farnsworth: Bunk!
 * Banjo: Oh! [He shows a hologram of a man and a, with a backwards running through an arrow.] If you elitist, East Coast evolution is real, why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient ?
 * Farnsworth: We did find it! [The arrow is replaced by .] It's called Homo erectus!
 * Banjo: Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found a link between apes and this Homo erectus. [The arrow is put between before Homo erectus''.]
 * Farnsworth: Yes, they have! [The hologram fills in again.] It's called !
 * Banjo: Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so called Homo habilis.
 * Farnsworth: Yes, they have! [The hologram fills in.] It's called !
 * Banjo: Oh-ho! I've got you now! [Time Lapse. The hologram now shows 19 different species of ape. Only the Fry and Leela are still there.] Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this ''? Answer me that, Professor!
 * Farnsworth: Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist!
 * Banjo: [He scoffs.] Things don't exist simply because you believe in them. Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!


 * [Closing Credits.]