Transcript:Cold Warriors


 * [Note #1: This transcript is based on the Comedy Central video Preview - Quarantine of 24 August, 2011.]
 * [Scene: The Planet Express conference room. Leela, Bender, Amy, Fry, Hermes, and Zoidberg are sitting at the conference table. A mug is in front of Fry, who is wrapped in a blanket and holding a fishing rod with his right hand. The others are looking at him. Fry sneezes and scratches his nose with his left hand.]

Amy: Shmeez! [Fry turns to Amy.] What's with the shmiffling? Fry: It's nothing. [Fry scratches his nose with his right hand and sniffs.] Just a common cold.
 * [Fry shrugs.]

Zoidberg: Wha? Bender: It's a common uh? Hermes: Wha? Leela: What the hell's a common cold?
 * [The camera pans over to Bender.]

Bender: Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say... [Bender lifts up a tube with his right hand and hits his left hand with it.] Unconscious?
 * [Professor Farnsworth is standing up.]

Professor Farnsworth: A common&mdash; [Professor Farnsworth walks up to the conference table and puts his hands on it.] A common cold?! No! [Professor Farnsworth looks up.] [extendedly] No! [Professor Farnsworth looks forward.] [back to normal] Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen! Leela: I never heard you mention that. Professor Farnsworth: [calm] Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm [stressed] freaking out! Fry: It's just a cold! [Fry sneezes aggressively.] What's the big deal?
 * [A police siren goes off. Bender, Leela, Professor Farnsworth, Zoidberg, and Hermes turn to the left. Fry turns up.]
 * [Cut to: Outside the Planet Express headquarters. Fry, Bender, Amy, Leela, Zoidberg, Professor Farnsworth, and Hermes run towards the window of the Planet Express employee lounge. We see four vans with CDC on them stop by the building and  QUARANTINE SQUAD  on one of them. The two doors on it are opened by two people wearing protective masks and suits. One of them is carrying a gun. The camera zooms in on the two people. The person who is carrying the gun cocks the gun. The person who is not carrying the gun pats the right shoulder of the person who is carrying the gun. The person who is carrying the gun shoots in the air. The bullet transforms into a wrap, completely covering the building. We see nine vans this time.]
 * [Time lapse. A tape reading DO NOT CROSS • DO NOT CROSS is unrolled by a police officer. URL is holding a megaphone with his mouth. Smitty is holding a microphone connected to URL's body with his left hand. We see two NNYPD hovercars in the sky.]

Smitty: This is the police. [The camera begins zooming in on URL and Smitty.] An unknown pathogen 'as been detected on these premises. [The camera stops zooming in on URL and Smitty.] Come out with your hands&mdash; [Smitty looks confused.] I mean... Stay in with your hands up!
 * [URL grabs the microphone with his left hand as Smitty turns to him.]

URL: You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses.
 * [Smitty looks forward.]
 * [Cut to: The Planet Express employee lounge. Leela, Amy, Bender, Zoidberg, Fry, Hermes, and Professor Farnsworth gasp.]

Professor Farnsworth: Eh, now, now. [Professor Farnsworth turns to the others.] Let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. [Professor Farnsworth turns to Hermes.] Hermes, you'll take the first six hours.
 * [Professor Farnsworth points at Hermes with his right hand.]

Hermes: Very well.
 * [Hermes clears his throat and screams.]

Professor Farnsworth: [off camera] Louder! ''[The camera zooms in on Hermes' face. Hermes screams louder.]'' [screaming] Louder! ''[The camera zooms in on Hermes' face. Hermes screams louder.]'' [back to normal] Crybaby.