Transcript:Proposition Infinity


 * [Opening Credits: Dictated But Not Read.]
 * [Scene: Amy's apartment Kif and Amy are watching Channel √2 News.]
 * Linda: [on tv] We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash. Jim?
 * Jim [on tv] [Still in the burning hovercopter.] The scene is not good, Linda. I've just learned that my last words were: back to you, Linda.
 * Linda: [on tv] [She laughs] One for the blooper reel.
 * Kif: The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait. There might be chopping.
 * Amy: God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish.
 * Kif: You know full well that I am more closely related to the.
 * Amy: Not where it counts.
 * [[Morbo: [on tv] I hated Jim! In other news, our city's urine-soaked walls have been desicrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist.
 * Linda: [on tv] Police have not idea who is behind this innovative scourge of public art
 * [On the TV, an example of the graffiti is shown. It looks like Bender]
 * ['Scene: New New York street. Bender is lowering himself using cables.
 * Bender [He chuckles maliciously and spreads grout onto a wall. He then makes a tile version of his head] That is one sexy bridge abutment.
 * [Time lapse. Bender is putting tile graffiti in various places. A hoverbus stop, Nixon's campaign poster and a tube transport station. At a freeway, Bender graffitis part of a sign so that it now reads "Free Corn"]
 * Hyper-Chicken: Free corn? That'll suit me just fine. [He crashes his hovercar and clucks loudly]
 * [Bender is still putting graffiti on various buildings.]
 * Bender: The key is knowing precisely where to strike. [The last building turns out to be URL's back] Oops
 * URL: Well, well. Time to beat him his rights. [He and Smitty take out their lightsabers and being hitting Bender.]
 * Smitty: You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks.
 * URL: It does kinda class-up the place.
 * [Pan over the streets of New New York. A clock nearby changes from 3:59 to 4:00]
 * Clock: The time is 4 am.
 * [Scene: Amy's apartment]
 * Amy: We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed?
 * Kif: Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship.
 * Amy: We're just going through a rough patch.
 * Kif: It is not a patch. It's been ages, according to your wildly inappropriate "Hunk of the Month" calender.
 * ''[He points to a calender with a male model wearing only a pair of briefs and holding a saxophone]]]
 * Todd: Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. [He plays a tune]
 * [Burping is heard. The phone displays an incoming call sign]
 * Amy: Oh, that's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? [Bender's picture is displayed over the phone]
 * Bender: Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer.
 * Amy: Oh, no!
 * Bender: That's enough lip from you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand an bail me out.
 * Amy: I don't have that kind of money laying around.
 * Bender: Yeah, you do. You know that floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait!
 * [Scene: Will Riker's Island, prison interior. Bender, Roberto and other criminals are in a cell.]
 * Roberto: [He walks up to Bender. He is holding a sock] Hey, Bender. Ever kill a man with a sock? It aint so hard. Ha-HAA. [He stabs at Bender]
 * Bender: I better carve a shiv for protection. [He pulls out a stick and a switchblade. He starts whittling down the stick into a crude knife]
 * URL: [He opens the cell door. Kif and Amy are with him.] Rodríguez! These two brothers bailed your ass out.
 * Bender: Oh! Thank God. [He hugs Kif, causing his head to inflate] Tell me, have things changed on the outside. Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form?
 * Larry: [To Amy] Hey, hot stuff. I'm Larry, the murder-burglar.
 * Amy: Hi, Larry. I like your tattoos.
 * Kif: Amy, that man's a criminal!
 * Amy: I was just checking out his tats. [She looks at a tattoo of Larry jumping out of a house window then lighting it with a molotov cocktail. It explodes.] Sneato! I have one of my mom. Wanna see?
 * Larry: Sure.
 * [Amy shows him the tattoo on her butt. Kif stutters incoherently.]
 * [A clerk is handing Bender back everything that was confiscated from him: a hat, a full roast chicken and an accordion]
 * Kif: [To Amy] I just don't understand why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight.
 * Amy: Quit exaggerating.
 * [A criminal that Smitty and Url are escorting gets loose. He steals a lightsaber and holds it to Amy's throat.]
 * Criminal: Nobody move, or sweet cheeks here gets it!
 * Amy: [Giggling] Oh! You're bad!
 * URL: [He performs the Vulcan Neck Pinch on the criminal] Momma said, Spock you out!
 * Kif: That's it Amy. Pardon my language but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through. [He walks off. Amy looks heartbroken.]
 * Bender: [He is holding the accordion.] Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called, [singing] Let's go already!
 * [Scene: Forbidden Planet Hollywood. Where tourists come to mingle with tourists]
 * [Pan over the various exhibits, from feet to  underpants,  pelvis and Calculon's agent.]
 * [Bender, Fry, Leela and Amy are seated at a table]
 * Leela: Here's to Amy, single, lonely, and fabulous.
 * Amy: Thanks everybody. Looks like I'm back in the game.
 * Bender: Yeah, the game of . [He laughs]]
 * Security woman: Excuse me, sir, are those yours? [Bender is wearing Chewbacca's feet]
 * Bender: You're damn right. And, before you ask, this is mine too. [He opens his chest cabinet revealing . She barks]
 * Fry: Tough break, Amy. Are you and Kif getting divorced?
 * Amy: No. Technically we were Fon-Fon-Rus, so we weren't really married.
 * Bender: Wow! The interesting thing about that is [He starts snoring]
 * Leela: So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds?
 * Amy: He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid.
 * Bender: The truth is often stupid. [He blows smoke in her face and sprinkles her with ash]
 * Amy: Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me?
 * Bender: Shut up, baby, you love it.
 * Amy: Don't tell me to shut up! You know what happened to the last guy that told me to shut up?
 * Bender: What?
 * [Scene: Amy's apartment]
 * Amy: [In bed with Bender] That was great.
 * Bender: Shut up. [Amy climbs on top of him and they start kissing] Come over here.
 * [Scene: Tube transport system. Bender and Amy are talking]
 * Amy Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo. [She takes a brush from Bender's cabinet and fixes her hair.] We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers.
 * Bender: Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube. [They begin kissing]
 * [Scene: Planet Express Meeting room. The crew is sitting around the table. Hermes looks sick]
 * Hermes: I think I'm coming down with circus-itis. [He sneezes and his face gets traditional clown fare: make-up, rainbow wig, and rubber nose.]]
 * Leela: I thought circus-itis only affected children.
 * Hermes: Children of all ages.
 * [[Zoidberg: Bender, old friend. What's on your face?
 * Bender: [He has a lipstick mark on his face. He covers it up.] Uh. Blood. You know, from shaving of the face-beard.
 * Fry: Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants?
 * Amy: Uh, maybe. So what?
 * Fry: I only brought it u[ because Bender is wearing them.
 * Bender: [He clears his throat] Uh, I stole them from her. Yeah, that's it, call the cops.
 * Hermes: Oh my swollen feet. He takes his feet out of the tub of water. They have turned into clown shoes] I better take my pills. [He opens the container and rubber springs fly out]
 * [Scene: NNY street]
 * Bender: Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top ten.
 * Amy: Aw, you always say just the wrong thing in just the right way. [They kiss]
 * Preacherbot: Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination!
 * Bender: Oy, this guy.
 * Preacherbot: The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor any angle in between.
 * [A crowd has formed. They agree with the Preacherbot]
 * Bender: Look! A single mother! Let's get her! [The crowd runs off]
 * [Bender and Amy walk off]