Transcript:That Darn Katz!


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 * [Opening Credits: Or similar product.]
 * [Scene: Planet Express, Lounge. Nibbler is burying Dark Matter in his litter box.]
 * Leela: Aw! Nibbler made a bobo for Mamma. I'll pick it up with my super-dupey poopy scoopy. [Nibbler grumbles. A truck can be heard backing up and Leela enters the room, driving a fork-lift.]
 * [Pan to: Planet Express, Sub Basement.]
 * Amy: Core magnetic field, 31 microteslas.
 * Prof. Farnsworth: Nice.
 * Amy: Temperature? Woah! The magma P.I. is 10,000 degrees Selleck! [Leela is emptying Nibbler's litter box in the magma. Amy swears in .] Leela, I am collecting data. Can't you dump that somewhere else.
 * Leela: Not really. It's highly volatile Dark Matter, and some.
 * Amy: But I'm presenting my tomorrow and I've barely had time to prepare.
 * Farnsworth: Nonsense. You've been my grad student for twelve years. You were ready six years ago.
 * Amy: What?
 * Farnsworth: I probably should have told you. Anyway, the important thing is to be relaxed tomorrow.
 * Amy: Are you sure?
 * Farnsworth: Yes. Do what you young people do to unwind. Take a joyride in your . Wear a T-shirt and eat a fish stick. Go!
 * [Scene: The Hip Joint. Fry, Leela, Bender, Nibbler, Amy and Kif are sitting at a table.]
 * Kif: Okay, amigos, one teensy drink to help Amy relax. [They drink.]
 * Amy: Hmmm. I guess I'm still kinda nervous.
 * Leela: One more teensy drink to help Amy relax. [They press buttons on their glasses and they refill by themselves. They drink again.]
 * Fry: Still a little nervous? [Amy burps.]
 * Bender: She's a nervous wreck! [They refill and drink again.]
 * ''[Time Lapse: Bender, Fry, Kif and Amy are all dancing. They are clearly drunk. Kif is still drinking.
 * Leela: [At the table with Nibbler.] Well, I may not have a man, but at least I've got you, poopsie-doodle. [She pinches his cheek.]
 * Nibbler: [He drinks.] Leela, it's time you and I had a talk.
 * Leela: A talk? You can't break up with me. You're my pet!
 * Nibbler: As much as I enjoy being the object of your misplaced affections, I am also a highly sophisticated being that longs for intelligent conversation.
 * Leela: Aw, is shnookums not feeling schtimuwated?
 * Nibbler: An understatement, to say the least. It's time you treated me with respect.
 * Leela: If you want to be treated like a fellow crew member, fine, but no more purse rides, and no more dressing ypu up in your cute little sailor suit.
 * Nibbler: I keep telling you, that's my real naval uniform.
 * [Time Lapse: Kif and Amy are still dancing. They kiss.]
 * Kif: Your place or mine? Both, but first, this place. [She drags him to the floor. Kif laughing nervously the entire time.]
 * Hedonism Bot: [Seeing the two of them.] Ooh! Room for one more? [He laughs saucily.]
 * [Scene: Amy's apartment. Her Alarm Clock goes off. It reads 8:50.]
 * Amy: I thought I set you for 7:15!
 * Alarm Clock: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button.
 * Amy: But my doctoral exam is in ten minutes! On Mars! [She runs out of bed but steps in something.] Eww! Kif, did you yack on the floor?
 * Kif: [He is the puddle Amy walked in.] Yes, I did.
 * [Scene: Mars University. A Giant Pulsating Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste. A man is stroking a white .]
 * Morris Katz: Where's your candidate, Farnsworth. I have a long list of students to humiliate today. [A door opens and Kif, Leela, Bender, Fry and Amy walk in.] You're late, Miss Wong.
 * Amy: Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares. [She is in only her bra and underpants. She screams.]
 * Farnsworth: Here, take my lab coat. [He offers it to her. He only has suspenders and his underpants underneath it.]
 * Katz: Allow me to introduce your examining committee in order of grumpiness. Professor Ogden Wernstrom.
 * Farsnworth: Wernstrom!
 * Katz: Downtown Professor of Applied Physics, Ethan 'Bubblegum' Tate.
 * Tate: I see by your curriculum vitæ that you're a.
 * Katz: And Professor Fisherprice Shpeekenshpell.
 * Shpeekenshpell: The cow says... [He makes a "moo" sound.]
 * Farnsworth: [Whispering to Bubblegum.] He proved that 50 years ago, and he's been coasting on it ever since.
 * Katz: I am the esteemed Professor Morris Katz, and you are wasting my time. Proceed.
 * Amy: Imagine, if you will...
 * Katz: Oh, God!
 * Amy: A gigantic spherical generator, one that could provide unlimited energy, because it's in essential.
 * Wermstrom: [He and Katz scoff, loudly] Young lady, have you been drinking?
 * Amy: Well, yes, but that's not revelant. I'm talking about Earth. Earth's the generator. [Shpeekenshpell lands on a and makes a bleating noise.] Suppose this  is the whole world.
 * Tate: [He is spinning a basketball on his finger.] To many young men in the inner city, it is.
 * Amy: As it spins, it's producing an enormous . If we could use that field to generate electrical current, we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... '[She sneezes.]''
 * Farnsworth: Yes, the Earth's rotational ener-kerchoo. Go on.
 * Amy: Sorry, I'm super- to cats. Professor Katz, do you mind.
 * Katz: Miss Wong, I mind everything.
 * Amy: [Holding a model.] You just need to polarize the Earth's core with a huge static charge, [The cat starts toying with the model.] by ratcheting wire down into... [She sneezes.]
 * Katz: Enough. The committee members will now vote now vote yea or nay. Nay.
 * Wernstrom: Nay.
 * Tate: Hell nay.
 * Shpeekenshpell: [He spins to a .] The horse says,  denied.
 * [Scene: Planet Express. Waterfront. The ship flies in for a landing.]
 * [Everyone gets off the ship. Amy is still in the Professor's coat.]
 * Fry: It's okay, Amy. I don't have a fancy degree either, but today I'm a prominent boy in the package delivery field. [After they leave the hanger, Katz's cat leaves the ship.]
 * [Scene: Planet Express. Meeting Room. The entire crew, plus Nibbler, are seated at the table.]
 * Nibbler: Now that I am a full and equal member of the crew, I pledge my loyalty, my perspicacity, and, dare I say it, my friendship.
 * Hermes: Leela, muzzle that skunk! We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little... ''[He notices Katz's cat.]] Hey, look, a kitty cat.
 * Amy: [The cat rubs against Amy. Static discharges.] You again? [She sneezes.] Get away you mangy ball of.
 * Hermes: [He picks the cat up.] You leave kitty cat alone! [The crew, except for Amy and Nibbler gather around, cooing at the cat.]
 * Farnsworth: People, please, I'm trying to run a business, so I get to hold kitty. [The crew keeps cooing.]
 * Fry: Over here. I wanna hold him.
 * Bender: Aw! It's anus looks like an asterisk.
 * ''[Scene: Planet Express. Lounge. Everyone except Amy and Nibbler is still playing with the cat. It is in Nibber's naval uniform.
 * Leela: Captain Fuzzytoes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie. [They laugh.]
 * Nibbler: [Smoking a pipe.] My best friend died in that uniform. I hate that cat!
 * Amy: If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing.
 * Nibbler: I'll tell you one thing. Nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive. [He gets up and does a small dance, cooing in discomfort.]
 * Amy: Aw! You want your diapey changed? [He coos an affirmative.]
 * Nibbler: [Laying down.] We'll have to wait its every move. [Amy puts on a fresh diaper.] Powder, please.
 * [A montage plays where Amy and Nibbler watch the cat. They use jet packs to watch it on the 2nd floor window. They lay trap, putting milk in a cage for it, which Zoidberg quickly moves into. They watch Leela walking the cat in a stroller as the montage ends.]
 * Amy: Here's my new theory. That is one adorable cat.
 * Nibbler: I guess I was just jealous. I do miss being Leela's schnookums. I'm going to apologize and hope for a pity pet. [They look over and gasp.]
 * Leela: [She is kneeling before the cat.] Yes, my lord. Amy and Nibbler are a tewwible thweat. They must be, wespectivewy. [Nibbler's puffs up and hisses like a cat.]