Transcript:The Prisoner of Benda


 * Linda: Tonight, at 11:00.
 * Morbo: Doom!
 * [Opening Credits: What happens in Stays in Cygnus X-1.]
 * [Scene: Planet Express, Lounge. Leela is looking at herself in a hand-held mirror.]
 * Leela: Boy, that thing's big. Fry, is my colossal eye too big?
 * [The rest of the crew is watching TV.]
 * Fry: No, it's what makes you you.
 * Leela: But it's so round, so hideously round.
 * Fry: Leela, listen. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known.
 * Leela: Oh. So you only care about my looks?
 * Fry: No, I.... What?
 * Linda: [on TV.] Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as Nikolai, playboy ruler of the Robo-Hungarian Empire, arrived on his extravagant, -powered.
 * Nikolai: [on TV.] I'm just a humble emperor, with a big, big crown!
 * Bender: [He turns off the TV.] Of course I'm not planning to steal that crown!
 * Leela: What?
 * Bender: True. I've always dreamed of being an emperor. You know, for, and then forever. But heisting those jewels would be difficult.
 * Leela: You'd be stupid to try.
 * Bender: I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard.
 * Amy: Never! [She walks away.]
 * Bender: A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires.
 * Zoidberg Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job. [He takes an out of a bucket label "Aquariam Garbage" and wraps it around himself like a cravat.]
 * Bender: And finally, a chump, to be caught on video and later arrested.
 * Fry: As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day, I'm through being the chump.
 * Bender: Of course, it would all take split-second robotic timing. That's were I come in. You see, I own a watch. [He pulls out a .]
 * [Scene: Planet Express, The Professor's lab. Amy and Prof. Farnsworth are cleaning a machine.]
 * Farnsworth: There. This time I'm sure I've fixed the mind switcher.
 * Amy: Good, I'm sick of cleaning up those heaps of dead monkeys. But why would you want your mind in a new body?
 * Farnsworth: Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life.
 * Amy: Like the heaps of dead monkeys?
 * Farnsworth: Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe.
 * Amy: I wasted my youth porking out.
 * Farnsworth: Yes, I remember. [He points to a picture of a fat Amy, captioned "2997 employee of the year".]
 * Amy: Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry.
 * Farnsworth: Funny, I could use a extra meat on my bones. [He moves his coat and shows that he is just skin and bones.] Wait a second, if we switch bodies, I could live life to the extreme, and you could indulge your demonic food lust.
 * Amy: [She gasps.] We are just the people this mind switcher was made for by us! [They sit in the chairs.] Wait, can I still change my mind?
 * Farnsworth: Let's find out. [He pushes a button.]
 * Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] It didn't work you doddering old [She gasps.]
 * Farnsworth: [in Amy’s body.] Ah! ! Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga! I'm off to laugh at the Reaper. [He shuffles off. Cut to a mountain where he is party boarding. He hits a rock face and snow falls on him.] ''[Cut to Planet Express. Amy is eating substitute from a squeeze bottle. I'm sorry, Amy, but your body.] is just not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping everything way. Now quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back to our original bodies.
 * Bender: Body switcher, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies.
 * [Amy and the Professor sit in the machine. The Professor presses the body.] but the machine starts beeping. He presses multiple times.]
 * Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Professor, what's not happening?
 * Farnsworth: [in Amy’s body.] Bad news, me. [He presses a button and a diagram of their brains comes up.] I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response.
 * Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] You idiot!
 * Farnsworth: [in Amy’s body.] Once two bodies have switch minds, they can never switch back. [A dramatic cord plays as Amy covers her mouth.] However, maybe they can. Maybe we can swap back by using a third body.] for temporary storage space.
 * Bender: I'm 60% storage space. [He bangs his chassis.]
 * Farnsworth: [in Amy’s body.] Eh, wha? [He and Bender sit in the machine and switch bodies.]
 * Bender: [in Amy’s body.] Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. [He takes the pocket watch out of the Professor's chest cabinet.]
 * Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] See ya!
 * Farnsworth [in Bender’s body.]: Now then Amy, we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body.], but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did.
 * Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Oh no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies?
 * Farnsworth ''[in Bender’s body.]’’: I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use... MATH.
 * [Scene: NNY. Harbor. Bender is swimming to Nikolai's yacht.]
 * Bender: [in Amy’s body.] Stupid, air-needing lungs. [He climbs onto the boat. He gasps.] The crown jewels. Now I just need to find the guard and seduce him in... [He checks the watch.] Four seconds?
 * Basil: Who goes there?
 * Bender: [in Amy’s body.] [Counting down.] Three, two, one. Hello big boy. [He comes out, imitating porn music and dancing.]
 * Basil: Silence! I am Basil, the emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I will not be seduced by a... ''[He gets punched and falls down.]]
 * Bender: [in Amy’s body.] I said, "Wow chica wow wow".
 * [Scene: Planet Express. Amy, in Farnsworth’s body, is eating ribs. She throws the bone away and mutters in .]
 * Leela: Professor, what's the matter.
 * Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies.
 * Leela: Oh, lord.
 * Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon.
 * Leela: At least, you get the senior discount at the movies, I hate paying $14 to see.
 * Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] If you want to save $2 dollars, we could switch bodies.
 * Leela: We could always switch back, right? [Amy grins.]
 * [Scene: Planet Express, Lounge. Amy, in Leela's body, is something.]
 * Fry: Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated?
 * Amy: [in Leela’s body.] Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly.
 * Fry: Woah. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat.
 * Amy: [in Leela’s body.] I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. ''[She puts on her "creation".
 * Fry: So Leela's in your body?
 * Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Not exactly. [Fry makes a revolted sound.] Aha! You do only like me for my body.
 * Fry: That is entirely not true, sir!
 * [Scene: Nikolai's yacht. Bender has Basil tied up.]
 * Bender: [in Amy's body.] Now to switch bodies with Zoidberg, sneak past the metal detector and clip the alarm wires, all in less than... [He checks the watch.] Ten minutes ago! Oh! [He throws the watch through the metal detector, setting it off. Alarms sound and lights focus on him. Nikolai walks up behind him and cocks a gun.] Uh, could you come back when my chump gets here?
 * [Time Lapse. Basil is free and removing the last of the binding.]
 * Nikolai: Now then, what is a filthy human doing aboard my royal yacht?
 * Bender: [in Amy’s body.] With all due respect, Your Majesty, I'm a robot like you. I just switch bodies with some bimbo. Go ahead, ask me anything a robot would know.
 * Nikolai: Ah, a reverse, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine?
 * Bender: [in Amy’s body.] Hold on, let me just get out a pencil. [He sighs.] Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind. ''[He starts and.
 * Basil: He steps forwards but moves backwards.
 * Nikolai: By the gods! he is a machine!
 * [Scene: Planet Express, the Professor's lab.]
 * Farnsworth: [in Bender’s body.] No, that won't restore everyone, either. Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back! I'm running away with this invincible robot body and joining something!
 * ['Circus Roboticus. Inside a tent.]''
 * Fishy Joe: I paid for 15 Robot Clowns per cubic meter of car, and you're barely giving me 12. Now crumple up and get in... And fasten your seat belts.
 * Robot Clown: Oh, come on!
 * Farnsworth: [in Bender’s body.] Good day. I am Nonchalanto, the robot daredevil. And my dream is to risk my life in strange and original ways.
 * Fishy Joe: Hmm. You don't look for foolhardy to me.
 * [The Professor takes the 5 of spades and puts it in his mouth. He unscrews his head and puts in on a lever. He jumps on to the opposing end, launching his head into the air. He takes an out and shoots at his head. His head lands in his neck and he shows Fishy the card. He shot through each of the spades.]
 * Fishy Joe: That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done. Your hired! [A robot traipse artist falls to the ground.]
 * [Scene: Nikolai's yacht. Bender and Nikolai are talking.]
 * Nikolai: So you’re a common bending robot with a human peasant roommate?
 * Bender: [in Amy’s body.] [in Amy’s body.] Oh, crap, that is what I am!
 * Nikolai: No, Bender, I envy you. I'm so bored with all of these pretentious trappings. The jewels, the parties, the beautiful robo women.
 * Princess Flavia: Hello.
 * [Bender's jaw drops.]
 * Nikolai: My fiancée, Princess Flavia. Dearest, meet Bender. He's a robot in the body of Martian physicist.
 * Flavia: How tedious. [She walks off.]
 * Nikolai: Oh, to escape this gilded cage for a day.
 * Bender: [in Amy’s body.] You know, we could trade bodies. I could take over the humdrum royal stuff and you could be an regular Joe for a day. [He stares at the crown.] Or more. Much more.
 * Nikolai: In that horrible non-robot body. Sir, I have my standards.
 * Bender: [in Amy’s body.] Ah, but what if I could put you in my fabulous bending-robot body?
 * Nikolai: [He giggles.] Me, posing as a lowly bending unit? How wicked! But wait, I'm supposed to give a speech at the U.N. tomorrow. Can I trust you to do it?
 * Bender: [in Amy’s body.] You can trust anything.
 * [Scene Planet Express, hanger.]
 * Fry So now Leela's all crotchety because she thinks I'm not attracted to her in the Professor's body.
 * Hermes: You aren't, are you?
 * Fry: Of course not! But I was willing to lie about it. What more can a man do?
 * Hermes: A man can give her a toke of her own medicine.
 * Fry: Yes! I can put my mind in a hideous body and show Leela she's not attracted to me. But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body.
 * Zoidberg: Friends! Friends! I've got on my tuchus! [He shows them.]
 * Hermes: The long search is over.
 * [Scene Outside Planet Express.]
 * Bender: Amy’s body Wait here and earn interest while I find my robot body.
 * [Scene' Planet Express, lounge. Leela, in Farnsworth’s body is reading Great and . Scruffy and Wash Bucket are mopping the floor.]
 * Bender: [in Amy’s body.] Professor?
 * Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Leela. Amy?
 * Bender: [in Amy’s body.] Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it.
 * Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Yeah, he said something about running away. Then he ran away.
 * Bender: [in Amy’s body.] What? Wither?
 * [Scene Circus Roboticus. Farnsworth in Bender’s body is attempting to land on a target carried by the Robot Clowns. They attempt to get under him but he lands in the audience. The audience cheers.]
 * Bender: [in Amy’s body.] What am I gonna do? I got an emperor all patsied up to switch bodies, but only with another robot!
 * Washbucket: Washbucket full.
 * Scruffy: Scruffy's work here is done. [He props up the mop and goes to the couch. He lies down and starts reading Extra-Long Honkers.]
 * Bender: [in Amy’s body.] [He looks at Washbucket calculatingly. Cut to the Professor's lab where he and Washbucket switch bodies.]
 * Bender: [in Washbucket’s body.] Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof.
 * Washbucket: [in Amy’s body.] Now to find Scruffy. [She walks past Fry and Zoidberg.]
 * Zoidberg: Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. [He and Fry switch bodies.]
 * Fry: [in Zoidberg’s body.] In your face, Leela. [He walks out, past Nikolai and Bender Washbucket’s body.]
 * Nikolai: If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water?
 * Bender: [in Washbucket’s body.] If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move over Fry. [He pushes Zoidberg out of his seat and switches with Nikolai.]
 * Bender: [in Nikolai’s body.] Well, so long.
 * Nikolai: [in Washbucket’s body.] Wait! Point me to my normal human roommate!
 * Bender: [in Washbucket’s body.] That's him there, maybe. [He points to Zoidberg.] Got to go!
 * Zoidberg: [in Fry’s body] Robot?
 * Nikolai: [in Washbucket’s body.] Yes, 'tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend?
 * Zoidberg: [in Fry’s body.] Aha! The guy in this body has a friend! Bender, old pal! It's me, the Fry! [He hugs Nikolai.]