Transcript:Benderama


 * [Note: UNKNOWN represents a word or set of words not identified by the transcriber.]
 * [Scene: The Planet Express conference room. Hermes is addressing the crew members, who are seated around the table looking shocked and upset.]

Hermes: So there it is, people. We're playing out of money. I'd be happy to write letters of recommendation for most of you.
 * [Zoidberg bursts out sobbing. The Professor hustles in.]

Farnsworth: Oh, boo-hoo, everyone! Look at my latest invention.
 * [The Professor puts down a machine resembling an overhead projector.]

Amy: Ooh! I like how it's not killing us so far! Farnsworth: It takes any object and makes two smaller copies.
 * [The crew sounds excited.]

Leela: Why? Farnsworth: For, you see, as I age, I've been shrinking and feeling cold. So now I need twice as many sweaters. In a smaller size. First, I scan the old sweater. ''[He puts a sweater on the replicator screen and presses a button. It scans the sweater like a Xerox machine.]'' Then we add some matter. Oh, any old, useless matter will do. [He dumps a photo album labeled Zoidberg's wedding'' into it. We hear a grinding sound. Zoidberg sobs.]'' Now, the matter prism reorganises the raw material into two smaller copies.
 * [The machine starts up. Moving prismatic lights emanate from its seeds. And then it stops, a door on the side of the machine opens and two somewhat smaller, identical sweaters are deposited onto the table. The Professor holds them up next to the original.]

Fry: So that's where babies' sweaters come from!
 * [Scene: The Planet Express employee lounge. A little later, Bender is slumped on the couch watching TV. Fry enters. On TV, we hear The Scary Door theme. Against the backdrop of stars, objects drift toward camera. A jockey UNKNOWN with a horse sitting on his back. A dolphin playing the trombone with his blowhole. A slinky climbing up the stairs. A kid blowing a gum bubble that enlarges to become the Earth, then pops and covers his face.]

The Scary Door narrator: Enclosed as a pity of attachment,. It's a river that flows in two directions. Make that three. It's a magic river. That's how. It is flowing down the eerie canal to... The Scary Door. That's eerie with two Es. ''[UNKNOWN. On TV, a scientist's laboratory. The scientist finishes wielding a Robot.]'' Consider, if you have the energy, Dr. Daniel Zenus, an inventor with a terminal case of alazis. Dr. Daniel Zenus: This Robot will do everything for me! Robot, activate yourself and do my research.
 * [The Robot flips its own on switch and powers up. It begins tinkering with test tubes as the scientist leans back in a chair with a pillow.]

Dr. Daniel Zenus: Ah!
 * [Cut to: Later.]

Dr. Daniel Zenus: Next, assume my social obligations.
 * [The scientist kicks back in an armchair as the Robot, wearing a black tie, offers his arm to the scientist's wife. She takes it and they exit. We see a clock. UNKNOWN. Years later, the scientist, now older, is still kicking back as an official enters.]

Official: Dr. Zenus, for a lifetime of scientific achievement, we present this award to... Your Robot!
 * [The official gives the Robot the trophy. A boy enters.]

Boy: Daddy, I love you!
 * [The boy turns away from the scientist and hugs the Robot.]

Dr. Daniel Zenus: If only I'd programmed the Robot to be more careful than I wished for! Robot, experience this tragic irony for me!
 * [The Robot buries his face in his hands.]

Robot: [Extendedly.] No!
 * [The scientist pops open a beer and takes a sip.]

Dr. Daniel Zenus: Ah!
 * [Back to scene. Bender is still relaxing. He pops open his own beer and takes a sip.]

Bender: Ah! Fry: Man, I wish we had a Robot to do stuff. Bender: I know, right?
 * [The Professor enters.]

Farnsworth: Oh! Thank God I found you in time! I need someone in the lab immediately to fold my new sweaters. Bender: I'm sorry. Do you see a Robot in this room named Folder?
 * [Bender laughs.]

Farnsworth: Aw. Fortunately, I came prepared with a backup UNKNOWN. Bender, would you mind bending my new sweaters? Bender: Man, I'd call my lawyer if dying on the phone wasn't such a hassle. ''[Moments later, Bender enters the lab and sees the two unfolded sweaters. He mutters.]'' Razzle, frazzle, stupid sweater! [He sees the replicator.] Ooh. Razzle, frazzle, duplicator! ''[He strokes his chin, conniving. He gets it up, puts it in his chest, presses the start button, and closes his chest door.]'' Now for some tasty matter! ''[He eats some and quickly UNKNOWN a chair, a microscope, and a glass UNKNOWN filled with white rats. UNKNOWN orifices glow UNKNOWN seen earlier. We hear a ding, he opens his chest door, and two 60%-scaled mini-Benders pop out.]'' Hi, fellas! I'm Bender. Mini-Bender: Go to hell, old man! Bender: I like your attitude. Let's party. But, first, fold these two sweaters. Mini-Bender: I'm sorry. Do you see a Robot in this room named Folder?
 * [The mini-Bender chuckles.]

Bender: Damn, you're cute.
 * [Scene: The Planet Express hangar. The next day, Hermes holds a clipboard supervising the crew as they load packages onto the ship. The three Benders enter.]

Bender: Hi. I'm Bender, this is my Robot, Bender, and this is my other Robot, Bender. Leela: Oh, Lord. Bender: They're 60%-scaled replicas of me, Bender. Leela: Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do or that they actually do more work because they're only 60% as lazy?
 * [Bender pauses and counts in his fingers, humming.]

Bender: Shut up!
 * [A mini-Bender laughs.]

Mini-Bender: Good one.
 * [The Professor enters, wielding a hovercar of huge toiletries.]

Farnsworth: Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an Alien space giant. Hermes: You'll have to be respectful. This customer is fifty-feel tall and sensitive about his appearance.
 * [Amy looks at items on the cart.]

Amy: Colossal tooth whitener, mega-deodorant, humongous acne cream, and... Aw, and one regular-sized condom. Bender: Oh, UNKNOWN small wiener. This guy's got it goin' on!
 * [The mini-Benders laugh.]