Transcript:Simpsorama


 * [Opening Credits. Caption: A SHOW OUT OF IDEAS TEAMS UP WITH A SHOW OUT OF EPISODES.]
 * [Scene: The Simpsons sit on the couch, but it transforms into Hedonismbot.]

Hedonismbot: Ooh! Wiggle in. Get comfortable. : Aaah! : Hey, a couch is a couch.
 * [Homer makes himself comfortable as Hedonismbot changes the lightbulb from opaque to red. He takes off Homer's shirt and massages him.]

Homer: Oh! Oh! Hedonismbot: Yes.
 * [Hedonismbot feeds Homer grapes and begins to rumble away.]

Homer: [offscreen] Woohoo!


 * [Scene: Springfield Elementary.]


 * [He taps on the box and the "Springfield Time Capsule" sign falls off revealing a sign that says "Civil War Coffin". Skinner puts the sign back on the box.]

Skinner: And, uh... [gets pummeled by a spitball] : By the time you finish talking, we're gonna be opening this damn capsule. Skinner: Right. Time capsule. Nelson, give me something. : [showing a still frame from a security camera of a robber] I brought a picture of my dad. He's still at large.... [voice breaking] in my heart.
 * [Nelson puts the picture in the box.]

I can have good luck without it. [puts the charm in the box, and his pants fall on the floor, and the box's lid slams on his nose] Ow! Nelson: Wish we could put this moment in the time capsule.
 * [Zoom out to reveal black and white footage on a TV monitor.]

Chalmers: Consider it done.
 * [He ejects the VCR revealing a video labeled "Grade 4 Surveillance Video and puts it in the capsule.]

Skinner: Uh, how 'bout you, Bart? Let me guess - you forgot to bring something. : I'm offended you think I forgot. [He opens up his desk and rummages through it.] Let's see. [Takes out a sandwich with a bite out of it.] Tada! Chalmers: Listen, boy, this is the only legacy you'll ever leave. Bart: [opening the sandwich] Better make this count. [He blows his nose into the sandwich and puts it in the capsule.]
 * [Cut to: The Simpsons' kitchen. Marge is washing the dishes when she suddenly feels a disturbance.]

Marge: [gasps] My sandwich!
 * [Cut back to: The classroom. The lid on the capsule closes.]

Bart: [laughs mischievously]

''[Scene: Town square. The Mayor is holding a burial in front of the Jebediah Springfield Statue.]'' : And so, a thousand years from now, this capsule will be opened by some future Mayor Quimby. [The audience applauds as the camera pans to an "Artist's Rendition" of a giant insect wearing the "Mayor" sash.]
 * [A steam shovel begins digging up the ground revealing some green ooze. All eyes turn to Mr. Burns.]


 * [The ooze bubbles up a skeleton wearing business clothes and a vest labeled "Atomic Energy Commission". The time capsule gets lowered into the hole. Some dark clouds appear in the sky. Some construction workers cover the hole with cement. Groundskeeper Willie scrapes the cement.]

Quimby: And now, to help secure the jazz vote, Liser Simpson will play her saxophone.
 * [Liza and a jazz trio play some music, but it begins to rain and the audience begins to scatter.]

Quimby: Even God hates jazz!


 * [Scene: 742 Evergreen Terrace, later that night.]
 * [Cut to: The living room. The Simpsons are in their pajamas watching TV. Lisa is seen emptying the water from her sax.]


 * [An electrical surge occurs and we hear a familiar voice screaming, and a white figure falls from the sky into the front yard.]

Homer: What the hell was that? : Probably just another piece of America's space junk falling out of orbit. Bart: Remember when this country didn't suck? 'Cause I don't.
 * [Cut to: Outside. A hole is seen in the ground. The camera pans right to show circular footprints walking to the door.]
 * [Cut to: Homer and Marge's bedroom. Homer is awake reading a book entitled "How to Read a Book in Bed", while Marge is lying awake hearing something gurgling and belching. A piece of glass is heard shattering.]

Marge: [gasps] Homer, I think there's someone downstairs! Homer: [taking off his reading glasses] Relax, Marge. It's probably just Homer coming home late from Moe's.
 * [Beat.]

Marge: Hmmm.
 * [Cut to: Upstairs. Homer walks down with Bart following him.]

Homer: [looking at his reflection in a mirror] Ooh, the eyes in that picture are following me! Bart: Uh, that's a mirror. Homer: Isn't all great art kind of a mirror?
 * [Cut to: The basement. Homer and Bart open the door. We hear the belch again.]

Homer: We better send the dog down.
 * [Homer tries to push Santa's Little Helper down the stairs.]

Homer: Come on! Here's your chance to protect us, boy! Come on! : [whimpers, growls, bites Homer and runs off] Homer: Stupid dog. [looks at Bart and then pushes him towards the entrance] Bart: [makes sounds like Santa's Little Helper and bites Homer]
 * [A crash is heard downstairs.]

Voice: Ow.
 * [Homer and Bart move closer toward the door.]

Homer: We'll have to set a trap, Bait—I mean Bart.
 * [Jump cut to: Homer ties a rope to the top of the bannister. Pan to downstairs. Bart is hanging upside down from the bottom of the rope with a piece of paper with the words "Tasty Boy" written on it taped to him.]

Homer: [offscreen] All set. When he starts gnawing at you, I'll whack him with this broom.
 * [A shadowy figure appears behind Bart.]

Bart: [gasps]
 * [Bart opens his eyes as a shadowy figure twirls him around.]

Shadowy Figure: Ooh! [laughs]
 * [The shadowy figure turns its attention to some crates of Duff beer. It begins to open a can.]

Homer: Don't drink my loved ones!
 * [Homer whacks the shadowy figure with a broom and the shadowy figure is revealed to be...]

Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass! Homer: A robot with a catchphrase! Bart: Hey, Homer, you gonna kiss him or kill him?
 * [Homer whacks Bart with the broom and Bart begins to twirl around rapidly.]

Bender: All right! Tetherboy!
 * [Homer and Bender each take turns smacking Bart around until the rope catches on fire and drops Bart to the ground.]

Bender: [laughs] Homer: Okay, so what are you? Bart: Must be a secret government project. Bender: Whoa, what do I look like, a narc? My name is Bender, and I come from... [using his finger as a flashlight under his chin] ...the future! Homer: Prove it! What happens to Homer Simpson in the future? Bender: I 'unno. Ya die? Homer: Oh...my...God. He's telling the truth! I have to take you to our civic leaders.


 * [Scene: Moe's Tavern. Bender is seen drinking mugs of beer with Carl, Homer, Barney and Lenny.]

Bender: [fiery belch] : Hey, hibachi-head, how ya gonna pay for that? Bender: Uh, lemme just transfer some, uh, electronic hypercredits into your register here. [stretches his arm and pushes a button on the side of the cash register] Ding-a-ding-a-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! [stretches his arm back] Ooh, and, uh, another round for my friends! [stretches his arm back to the register] Ding-da-da-ding-da-ding-ding! ,, Homer and : Yeah! Moe: [chuckles] Hey, this blade rummy is all right! He's a big spender, plus he fixed the jukebox! I think they had a thing goin'. Jukebox Music: Oh, baby, what you done to me— [scratch] Bender: I hate it when they get quiet. Homer: Listen, uh, I know you're a robot and incapable of emotion. Bender: [sobs] It's true. I'm empty inside! [sobs loudly] Homer: Uh, look, I just wanna ask, can we be friends? You're the only guy I know with less hair than me. Bender: Sure. That's why I came to your time..for all you know. Moe, Lenny, Carl, Homer and Barney: [clinking their glasses] For all we know!


 * [Scene: Barney's Bowlarama.]
 * [Cut to: Inside. Bender is bowling with the guys.]

Bender: [laughs]
 * [POV shot from Bender's visor. The screen says "Calculating Trajectory". His visor points to the first pin saying "Optimal Trajectory". Bender bowls but it lands in the gutter.]

Bender: D'oh! ''[Closeup on the pins revealing one of Bender's arms flicking the pins down. Pull out to reveal Bender's arm in the ball carrier.]'' A, uh, strike! A totally legitimate strike!
 * [Bender pulls his arm to Homer's hand for a high four...er, three...er...whatever.]

Homer: Yeah! [laughs] Hey. uh, what's the robot version of bromance? Bender: Ro-mance. Homer: You future guys have a word for everything...pal.

''[Scene: The Simpsons' living room. Homer and Bender are seen sleeping on the couch. Bart and Lisa observe them.]'' Lisa: You know, they look a little similar. Bart: [drawing on a pad of paper] Yeah. Like the guy who designed Bender just took a drawing of Dad and stuck an antenna on it. Lisa: A little lazy if you ask me. [Bart nods] Regardless, I see no reason to believe that Bender is from the future. Robotic technology today is very advanced. Bender: Oh, really? Can your modern-day robotics do this?
 * [He shows his mouth displaying text reading "Happy Birthday, Lisa" while "The Stars and Stripes Forever" plays.]

Lisa: It's not my birthday, although Maggie's is pretty soon. Bender: Ah, I can't do Maggie. G's look like 6's.
 * ''[Bender's mouth now displays the text "Ma66ie".]]


 * [Scene: Springfield Heights Institute of Technology.]
 * [Cut to: Frink's lab. Professor Frink is with Bender and Lisa.]

Lisa: [to Frink] This is the robot who claims to be from the future. Bender: Can your present-day robots do this? [He takes his head off and sticks a "tongue" out at Frink.] : Er, no. No, they cannot. Not sure why they'd want to. Gorbid. Now, why are you here? What is your mission, uh, so to speak? Bender: I don't remember.
 * [Frink walks behind Bender and opens the back of his head.]

Bender: Hey, this guy doesn't ask permission, he just goes right in you. Frink: Eh, aha! Bender's mission protocol is definitely intact. It just requires a delicate procedure known as "unplug and replug". [laughs and does so] Because that fixes everything.
 * [Bender reboots.]

Bender: I remember why i'm here! To kill Homer Simpson! Lisa and Frink: [gasp] Homer: My ears are burning! Bender: Not yet, but they will be!
 * [Bender opens his cavity revealing a bunch of weapons.]

Homer: AAAH!!! A boxing glove!
 * [Bender attempts to annihilate Homer.]

Homer: But we bowled together.
 * [Bender puts his weapons back in his chest.]

Bender: Aw, I can't do it. Lisa: What stopped you, Bender? Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics? Bender: You think robots care what some hack science-fiction writer thinks? I killed Isaac Asimov on the way over here. Well, Isaac somebody. [He starts to rumble.] What the?! My ass is about to project something. Homer: [whispering loudly] You don't have to announce it! Just do it quietly and blame the dog!
 * [Bender's ass shows a projection of a certain female purple-haired cyclops.]

Leela: Bender, we've just regained contact. Have you killed Homer Simpson? Bender: Uh...yup. Killed 'im good. Leela: If Homer's dead, why are the creatures he begat still here and multiplying out of control?
 * [Pan to an image on TV showing a bunch of rabbit-type creatures ransacking New New York. One of them that resembles Bongo writes graffiti that says "Crossovers are hell". Four rabbit creatures cross the screen carrying the head of the Statue of Liberty.]

Homer: What the?! Leela: You lied to me, Bender! [static] Homer Simpson's still alive! Fry: Come on, Bender! Stabbity-stabbity! Lisa: Wait! Stop! Why must you kill my dad? Especially when cheeseburgers are doing the work for you? Farnsworth: Homer Simpson must be eliminated immediately! The creatures destroying New New York have his DNA.
 * [Pan left to the window showing more rabbit-like creatures invading.]

Hermes: The monsters are stealing our office supplies! Bender: That's inexcusable! Gah! [He slams his hand on a desk and his chest cavity pours out more office supplies.] Um. Zoidberg: Hello, robit. Looks like everyone gets a turn to say something. This concludes my time.
 * [Farnsworth moves the camera back to him.]

Farnsworth: We sent Bender back in time to kill Homer before the monsters could evolve from him. Apparently, this was too heartless a task for a robot. Leela, can you handle it? Leela: [cocking a rifle] In a New New York minute minute.
 * [Fry, Leela and Farnsworth walk into a portal and emerge out of Bender's cavity.]

Farnsworth: Ooh! Leela: Ow!
 * [Leela gets up and points her rifle and Homer but Bender bends it.]

Bender: Ha ha ha!
 * [Leela fires the rifle and a laser shoots out leaving a hole in Bender's head.]

Bender: Ow! Right in my language centerfadksjflk;asnvjksndvbkjasndjklvasnzdjfuwcaehcnopwjfaeiowvdifcapghjsvipuoasgvaeirsnRCILUXfgqywjeopcfiwjqpedklz Frink: Professor, y-you're a fellow man of science. Maybe if we teamed up, we could, uh, figure something out. Farnsworth: Okay. Ih, but remember, to me, you're incredibly stupid. [referring to Lisa] Oh, and the annoying girl may be helpful. Uh, meanwhile, Leela, take Homer and explore this time period. Find out why people would ever pay for "freemium games". Homer: I'll explain. [to Fry, Bender and Leela] Okay, it starts free, right?


 * [Scene: Downtown Springfield. Bender and Leela are incognito and Fry...isn't.]

Homer: ...then, you visit your friend's game and he's got this awesome candy mansion...
 * [Cut to: Krusty, Mr. Teeny and Sideshow Mel sitting on a bench.]

: Hmmm...
 * [Cut back to: Homer and the others passing by an inexplicable Panucci's Pizza in Springfield.]

Homer: ...and you're like "99 cents?! You bet I'd like one!"
 * [Seymour is seen outside the pizza place as "I Will Wait for You" plays instrumentally.]
 * [Cut to: 742 Evergreen Terrace.]

Homer: ...and that's why I owe Clash of Candies $20,000. Here we are. [He opens the door and steps inside.] Marge, I'd like you to meet Leela and Fry.]'' Marge's Brain: Oh, don't mention her eye, don't mention her eye. Leela's Brain: Don't mention her hair, don't mention her hair. Marge: Eye...am so pleased to meet you. Leela: Nice to be hair! Marge and Leela: [laugh nervously] Leela: Oh, lord.


 * [Scene: Back at the lab. The professors are tinkering and mumbling.]

Lisa: Professor Farnsworth, I'm dying to know how you got here? Was it a time machine? Farnsworth: Little girl, time machines are physical impossibilities! We teleported through a singularity that I quantum imported Bender under the guise of fixing his collar. Frink: Yes, but how did Bender get here? Farnsworth: With a time machine. Lisa: But you just said that—
 * [A bell dings.]

Farnsworth: Sample's ready!


 * [Scene: 742 Evergreen Terrace.]
 * [Cut to: The living room. Bender and Homer are sleeping on the couch while Marge watches.]

Bender: Zzzz... Kill all humans... Zzzz... Kill all humans.... Homer: Zzzz... Start with Flanders... Zzzz... Start with Flanders...
 * [Farnsworth, Lisa, and Frink walk through the door.]

Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! Fry: [whispering to Bart] That means it's bad! Farnsworth: The human DNA in the creatures was only half Homer's. The other half came from... [dramatic sting] someone else! Frink: Oh, so we can kill that person instead! Maybe they're evil and deserve it. Or have one of those annoying VOY-sess that gets on everybody's nerves, with the adding extra noises for no reason. Mayvin! Ployngee. Farnsworth: And the other person is...
 * [Farnsworth pours some liquid into a device. The image on screen is Marge.]

Homer: Oh, who's that? Marge: It's me! Homer: [gasps] Farnsworth: Wait a minute. We don't have to kill you. Marge: Oh. Well, that's better. Farnsworth: We just have to kill all your children. Marge: [exclaims] Farnsworth: Or just one of them. If you can figure out which one sired the killer rabbits.
 * [Bart puts bunny ears over Lisa and whistles innocently. Bender begins rumbling again and shows a projection of the Channel √2 News.]

Morbo: We interrupt this hologram to bring you an important bulletin. The horrific creatures destroying New New York have begun metamorphosing. Linda: [laughs and gets eaten by a rabbit]
 * [The creature turns into an egg, the egg blossoms and takes on a shape similar to Bart's.]
 * [Cut to: Live footage of the Bart-like creatures ransacking New New York.]

Bart creature 1: Eat my shorts! Bart creature 2: ¡Ay carumba!
 * [One of the creatures cuts the phrase "Skinner is a wiener" into a bolder.]
 * [Cut back to: The living room.]

Lisa: [sarcastically] What a surprise. It's Bart. Bart: Wow, I'm doin' the same jokes a thousand years later. ¡Ay, carumba! Frink: But how did a mere boy destroy the future? Bart: Well...
 * [Sepia-toned Flashback: Milhouse putting his rabbits foot in the capsule and Bart putting the sandwich in. The capsule splashes into the hole and the nuclear ooze begins seeping into the sandwich and the rabbit's foot.]

Bart: [voiceover] Let this be a lesson: Never throw meaningless crap in a time capsule.
 * [Cut back to: The living room.]

Lisa: [snaps] That's it! All we have to do is dig up the time capsule! Leela: And bury Bart in the hole! Marge: I thought people in the future would be more full of peace and love. Like in Epcot Center. Leela: In our time, Epcot Center is a work farm for the weak. Farnsworth: Oh, but it's not as crowded as the slave labor camps at Universal Studios. Marge: Hmmm...

''[Scene: Town Square. Homer's station wagon pulls up the the statue.]'' Homer: We're here.
 * [The Simpsons and the Planet Express crew all come out of the car.]
 * [Cut to: The Time Capsule. Bender uses one of his eyes to shoot a laser into the cement.]

Homer: Heh heh heh heh. My bowling buddy. Willie: Hey! Ya can't dig that up for a thousand years! Plus I wrote my name there. See?
 * [Shot of a part of the cement that reads "Angry Janitor". Bender begins rattling and shows a hologram from his ass again.]

Amy: Shmayday! Shmayday! [gasps] They got Scruffy! [holds up his mustache] Scruffy: Nope. They just got my mustache. But a life without a mustache ain't worth livin'. [He kills himself.]
 * [The creatures begin tampering with the time machine.]

Farnworth: That generator powers the portal. If they destroy it, we'll be—
 * [Bender's cavity opens taking the Planet Express crew and the Simpsons inside.]


 * [Scene: The desolate waste which was once Planet Express headquarters. The SImpsons and the Planet Express crew pop out of the portal.]

Farnsworth: —sucked back into the future.
 * [The Simpsons look outside of New New York. Lisa pulls on Marge's dress and points to the right. A shot of the moon with a dust cover on it saying "Closed for renovations. Pardon our moon dust."]

Marge: Okay, head count. One, two, three— [gasps] Where's Maggie?!


 * [Scene: Back at Town Square. Maggie is alone.]

Caption: Meanwhile in the past (or if you're a Simpsons fan, the present) : [suck suck] Bender: Well, little meatbag, looks like it's just you and me, stuck in a terrible past... Where I know the result of every horse race ever! To the track! [Bender puts Maggie in his cavity and rolls away passing a father with his kid in a stroller.] Kid: I want that! Father: Well, you can't have it!


 * [Cut to: Planet Express headquarters. The crew and the Simpsons are seen in the meeting room. Nibbler pops out and gets chased by a bunch of Bart-lizard-type hybrids.]

Homer: [bored] Why you little... [tears one apart] Why you little... [tears another one apart] Why you little... [tears another one apart] Why you little... [tears another one apart] Why you little... [holds up Bart] Bart: Dad! It's me! Homer: Prove it! When's your birthday? Bart: February 23rd! Homer: Ha! February has no 23rd! [strangles him] Marge: Yes it does!