http://theinfosphere.org/api.php?action=feedcontributions&user=Mini-Me&feedformat=atomThe Infosphere, the Futurama Wiki - User contributions [en]2024-03-19T13:00:14ZUser contributionsMediaWiki 1.36.3http://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Proposition_Infinity&diff=63090Proposition Infinity2010-07-18T21:47:23Z<p>Mini-Me: /* Allusions */ Camp Rectifier logo</p>
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<div>{{episode infobox<br />
|name=Proposition Infinity<br />
|image=[[File:6ACV04 Kif and Amy.jpg|250px]]<br />
|image text=A preview screen cap of Kif and Amy<br />
|season=6<br />
|broadcast season=7<br />
|no=92<br />
|written by=Michael Rowe<br />
|directed by=Crystal Chesney-Thompson<br />
|caption=Dictated But Not Read<br />
|first aired=8 July, 2010<br />
|number=6ACV04<br />
|broadcast number=S07E04<br />
|special guest=[[George Takei]]<br />
|hasstoryboard=yes<br />
|prev ep=Attack of the Killer App<br />
|next ep=The Duh-Vinci Code<br />
}}<br />
{{about|episode|ballot|Proposition ∞}}<br />
"'''Proposition Infinity'''" is the ninety-second episode of ''[[Futurama]]'', the fourth of the [[Season 6|sixth production season]] and the [[Broadcast season 7|seventh broadcast season]]. It aired 8 July 2010 on [[Comedy Central]]. It guest stars [[George Takei]] as himself. After a break-up with [[Kif Kroker|Kif]], [[Amy Wong|Amy]] gets together with [[Bender Bending Rodriguez|Bender]] in a frowned upon [[robosexual]] relationship.<br />
<br />
== The Story ==<br />
=== Act I: "I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy!" ===<br />
[[New New York]]'s walls are hit by a mysterious vandal, revealed to be [[Bender]]. Bender is caught vandalizing the back of [[URL]], a police officer, and swiftly arrested. Bender calls [[Amy]], who has been fighting with [[Kif]] all night, to bail him out of jail. She agrees, then enters the police station with Kif to bail Bender out. While in line to get discharged, Amy is hit on by an inmate and flirts back with him. This shocks Kif, as the man is a criminal, and his reaction irritates Amy. Kif tells her she's attracted to "bad boys", which he is not. Amy disagrees, but then flirts with another inmate who actually threatens her life. Kif, still hurt by Amy's flirtations, tells Amy they're through.<br />
<br />
The break up severely upsets Amy and to make her feel better, [[Leela]], [[Fry]], and Bender take her to [[Forbidden Planet Hollywood]]. Bender repeatedly tells her to shut up and makes fun of her all night. Amy tells him to back off, saying he should be afraid of what she did to the last person that told her to shut up: sexual intercourse. After this, Amy and Bender discover a mutual attraction for each other. They enter into a taboo [[robosexual]] relationship, so they keep quiet about it, even to friends. Their co-workers grow suspicious but think nothing of it.<br />
<br />
=== Act II: "Oh, the humanity! Also Bender!" ===<br />
On the [[Planet Tornadus]], the crew, collecting tornado wind for the Professor's entry for the County Fair, is shocked to learn that Bender and Amy are missing. They discover their clothes flying around in the tube with the tornado winds, so the Professor shuts off the machine, and when the winds die down, the crew is shocked to see Bender and Amy making love. Professor immediately disapproves, whereas the rest of the crew accepts Bender and Amy's relationship. Amy thanks them, as she knows she can't tell her family. However, this is exactly what Professor does; he calls [[Leo and Inez Wong|Leo and Inez]], Amy's parents. He also calls the [[Reverend Lionel Preacherbot|Robot Pastor]] for Bender. While at her [[Wong Ranch|parent's Mars ranch]], Amy is saved by Fry, who poses as her new beau. Amy saves Bender from the camp the Robot Pastor sent him to. They go back to the Planet Express building, where Bender proposes to Amy.<br />
<br />
=== Act III: "I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day" ===<br />
The Professor reminds them that robosexual marriage is illegal in New New York. To fight against this, Bender and Amy launch a campaign, [[Proposition ∞]], for the legalization of robosexual marriage. In days before the election, Prop. ∞ support slumps in the polls. Amy loses hope, but Bender says they'll win following his debate tonight against Professor Farnsworth. Bender gives a heartfelt speech and the audience applauds. The Professor follows with his rebuttal, beginning with a flashback. He was in love with a fellow scientist named Eunice, and, 43 years later, discovered her in bed with [[First Robot Capable of Qualifying for a Boat Loan]] (or a similar robot) . This doesn't impress the audience, who despise the Professor for hating robosexuals simply because his girlfriend slept with a robot. He then admits that she WAS a robot, named [[Unit]], who slept with another robot. Farnsworth's heart was broken, so he took his anger out on other robosexuals. After admitting the truth, the Professor withdraws his argument and fully backs Prop. ∞. The next day, Prop. ∞ is approved. Amy is ecstatic, saying she and Bender can have a normal, monogamous marriage now. Upon hearing the word monogamous, Bender leaves Amy for two [[Hookerbots|robot hookers]], while Amy goes back to Kif, who became a bad boy for her.<br />
<br />
== Production ==<br />
<br />
This episode and the [[In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela|second episode]] of the sixth season also feature coarser language which would previously not be possible on [[Fox Network|FOX]].<ref name="supercon-info" /> Some wonder if this could hurt ''Futurama''{{'}}s possible [[Futurama status|return to FOX]],<ref name="supercon-info" /> though it's still possible for [[Fox Network|FOX]] to show the episodes if they were to censor the language, as they do with {{w|Family Guy}} and {{w|American Dad}}.<br />
<br />
== Reception ==<br />
<br />
In its original American broadcast, "Proposition Infinity" was viewed by an estimated 2.013 million households with a 1.0 rating/3% share in the 18-49 demographic going down one tenth of a point from last weeks, "Attack of the Killer App".<ref>[http://tvbythenumbers.com/2010/07/12/thursday-cable-ratings-all-lebron-all-the-time-plus-bethenny-up-futurama-settles-more/56848]</ref><br />
<br />
<!--<br />
<br />
=== Storyboard ===<br />
{{main|Storyboard:Proposition Infinity}}<br />
<br />
Another [[Storyboard:Proposition Infinity|storyboard]] released from Act 1 of "Proposition Infinity" previews a scene entitled "Bender and Roberto in Jail". In this scene, we see [[Bender]] with [[Roberto]] in jail. Roberto asks if Bender has ever killed a man with a sock, then Roberto threatens Bender with a sock. Bender runs away, and to protect himself, takes a wood stick and a knife, using the knife to carve the stick into a shiv.<br />
--><br />
<br />
== Additional info ==<br />
<br />
=== Trivia ===<br />
* [[Todd]] said that it was the Canadian Independence Day, which fall the 1st July. That could mean the episode would be aired earlier.<br />
* [[Kif]] said that he is actually related to the sea cucumber. This makes many fans learn that Kif is not a toad or a jellyfish even though Kif's species are tadpoles when infants like a frog and he has no spine and is very squishy like a jellyfish.<br />
<br />
=== Allusions ===<br />
* The story and the title of the episode is inspired by California's {{w|Proposition 8}},<ref name="cinemablend-comiccon">{{cite web |url=http://www.cinemablend.com/television/Comic-Con-Futurama-Ignores-Controversy-Promises-To-Take-On-Twitter-18844.html |title=Comic Con: Futurama Ignores Controversy, Promises To Take On Twitter |publisher=Cinema Blend |date=2009-07-25 |accessdate=2009-07-26 |author=Perkis, Ed |quote=A parody of Prop 8, with Bender and Amy wanting a robosexual wedding. There is a Prop Infinity attempt to stop them.}}</ref> which was an amendment to Californian Constitution that banned same-sex marriage.<br />
*The house in the tornado is a reference to a scene from ''{{w|The Wizard of Oz}}''.<br />
*The half-black / half-white "interracial" couple shown in the protest scene is taken from the [[Star Trek]] episode "{{st|Let That Be Your Last Battlefield}}".<br />
*The characters mention that robosexual marriage is legal in Space {{w|Massachusetts}}.<br />
*The Wong ranch has a sign with the text "No Brokebacking" in reference to the homosexual cowboys in the 2005 film {{w|Brokeback Mountain}}.<br />
*The concept of moving tattoos is a reference to "{{w|The Illustrated Man}}" by Ray Bradbury.<br />
*URL says, "Mama said, 'Spock you out.'" This is a reference to the LL Cool J song "Mama Said Knock You Out" as well as the character of Spock from ''[[Star Trek]]''.<br />
*The Nixon's Head "Despair" poster is a paordy of Shepard Fairey's iconic Obama "Hope" poster.<br />
*Linda describes Channel √2's coverage as "Fair and Balanced", the same slogan of conservative news channel, Fox News.<br />
*The advertisement against robosexual marriage is a parody of the infamous "storm is gathering" ad for the National Organization for Marriage.<br />
*The logo used by Camp Rectifier is a {{w|diode bridge}}, which converts an AC (alternating current) signal to a DC (direct current) one.<br />
<br />
=== Quotes ===<br />
{{q|<br />
<poem>'''[[Turanga Leela|Leela]]''': I thought [[circusitis]] only affected children.<br />
'''[[Hermes Conrad|Hermes]]''': Children of all ages.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Come home, Amy! It your decision! We can't make you! ''[Lassos her in.]'' Attagirl!</poem><br />
<poem>'''George Takei's Head''': ''[After hearing Bender's debate speech.]'' I haven't heard such an eloquent speech since [[William Shatner|Bill Shatner]] explained why he couldn't pay me back.</poem><br />
}}<br />
<br />
=== Goofs ===<br />
*Bender apparently stole Lassie's head in the [[Forbidden Planet Hollywood]]. However it was already said in "[[Jurassic Bark]]" that Lassie was in the Louvre.<br />
**Several dogs have played Lassie over the years, though.<br />
**And he could have been moved from the Louvre since.<br />
**The closed captions had lines that were not spoken. Something to the effect of "Where am I? Is this TBS?" suggesting that [[Conan O'Brien's head|Conan O'Brien]] originally had a cameo.<br />
*It is said that marriage between horses and ghosts is legal. But, according to "[[The Honking]]", the last ghost is dead for over 200 years.<br />
**This can be answered by the fact that it speaks about human ghosts. It could be another species's ghosts.<br />
**This could also be that Hermes was only referring to the human ghosts in the location of the mansion.<br />
*Most of the crew's opinions on robosexuality is different from previous episodes, such as "[[I Dated a Robot]]".<br />
**As the story takes place several years after I Dated a Robot the crew may have simply changed their minds on the subject.<br />
**Also it could be related to the fact that the robots shown to be robosexual, are all actual robots, not built for the purpose of dating a particular human nor are their personalities and looks based off of a human.<br />
*In "[[Slaves of New New York!]]" the [[Hydroponic Farmer]] forced [[The Simpsons|Gil]] to marry [[the Crushinator]], however the fictional characters had not been seem as human and the entire [[Crossover Crisis]] is not seen as canon.<br />
<br />
== Characters ==<br />
{{chars-begin}}<br />
*[[Amy Wong|Amy]]<br />
*[[Bender Bending Rodríguez|Bender]] <br />
*[[Donbot]]<br />
*[[Fanny]]<br />
*[[Fatbot]]<br />
*[[First Robot Capable of Qualifying for a Boat Loan]]<br />
*[[Philip J. Fry|Fry]]<br />
*[[Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth ]]<br />
*[[George Takei|George Takei's Head]]<br />
*[[Hattie McDoogal]]<br />
*[[Hedonismbot]]<br />
*[[Hermaphrobot]]<br />
*[[Hermes Conrad|Hermes]]<br />
*[[Horrible Gelatinous Blob]]<br />
*[[Humorbot 5.0]]<br />
*[[Hyper-Chicken]]<br />
*'''Debut''': [[Jim]]<br />
*[[Joey Mousepad]]<br />
*[[Kif Kroker|Kif]]<br />
*'''Debut''': [[Larry the Murder Burglar]]<br />
*[[Turanga Leela|Leela]]<br />
*[[Leo and Inez Wong]]<br />
*[[Reverend Lionel Preacherbot]]<br />
*[[Linda]]<br />
*[[Michelle]]<br />
*[[Morbo]]<br />
*[[Pauly Shore]]<br />
*[[Roberto]]<br />
*[[Smitty]]<br />
*'''Debut''': [[Todd]]<br />
*[[URL]]<br />
*'''Debut''':[[Wine Bucket]]<br />
*[[Dr. John A. Zoidberg|Zoidberg]]<br />
{{chars-end}}<br />
<br />
== References ==<br />
{{reflist}}<br />
<br />
{{navigation bottom<br />
|prev ep=Attack of the Killer App<br />
|next ep=The Duh-Vinci Code<br />
}}</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Table:New_Images&diff=63089Table:New Images2010-07-18T21:27:16Z<p>Mini-Me: /* New Images */</p>
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<div><!-- do not remove this. --><br />
{{conference table thread}}<br />
<!-- Please always sign your comments with four tildes --><br />
<br />
== New Images ==<br />
<br />
Personally I think all images from the new episodes should be considered temporary until the DVD's come out. Any screenshots will either come from legal means (which would mean they're Comedy Central branded in the corner) and any without the branding will have come from illegal sources and are thus of lower quality. I think they need to all be tagged somehow so that later when the DVD's are out we can track down these images that need replacement easily. I think we already have a similar template, but perhaps we need one that specifically states that it's a temporary image or that it's awaiting a DVD release so users aren't confused and just replace it with another low-quality image. --[[User:Buddy13|Buddy]] 20:02, 16 July 2010 (CEST)<br />
:Does that mean that we can capture HD screenshots and leave/place the Comedy Central logo in the corner or were you specifically referring to promo screens released by the station? Forgive my ignorance, I know not what I... can legally upload. --[[User:Mini-Me|Mini-Me]] 23:27, 18 July 2010 (CEST)</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Transcript:Commentary:I,_Roommate&diff=52500Transcript:Commentary:I, Roommate2009-12-21T17:04:00Z<p>Mini-Me: Found it.</p>
<hr />
<div>{{transcript infobox<br />
|episode=I, Roommate<br />
|thanks to=Svip<br />
|prev=The Series Has Landed<br />
|next=Love's Labours Lost in Space<br />
|iscommentary=yes<br />
|participants=<br />
*[[David X. Cohen]] (DXC)<br />
*[[Matt Groening]] (MG)<br />
*[[Gregg Vanzo]] (GV)<br />
*[[Eric Horsted]] (EH)<br />
*[[Rich Moore]] (RM)<br />
*[[Bret Haaland]] (BH)<br />
*[[Billy West]] (BW)<br />
}}<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Matt Groening]]''': Hello everyone, and welcome back to another audio commentary of ''Futurama''. This is Matt Groening.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Eric Horsted]]''': I am Eric Horsted, writer and co-executive producer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Billy West]]''': This is Billy West, I do some of the voices on ''Futurama''.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Bret Haaland]]''': I'm Bret Haaland, a director.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Gregg Vanzo]]''': I'm Gregg Vanzo, supervising director.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[David X. Cohen]]''': David Cohen, executive producer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Rich Moore]]''': And Rich Moore, supervising director with Gregg.</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Yeahp.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': This is the third episode in the series. And this is the series that&ndash; had a trouble beginning&ndash; with the Fox Network, who felt that the show was too outrageous and too much out of space. This was our attempt, the third episode, to bring the show back to Earth.</poem><br />
:''[Fry is pouring some Bachelor Chow.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Bachelor Chow, Matt. One of your earliest ideas for the show, I believe.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Well, I think that's a good idea&ndash; I always wanted to have Bachelor Chow right now and so&ndash; this was&ndash; Anyway, the network really&ndash; really was freaked out by the show, the suicide booths&ndash; and lobster creatures and Bender being so anti-social and so&ndash; yeah, this was our show to tone things down. This script was written specifically to their specifications. And their reaction, David?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': "Worst. Episode. Ever."</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Yeah, they really&ndash; they really hated this script, and &mdash; sorry, Eric &mdash; and this was the point at which, we decided we wanted to the show that we wanted to do. Their notes made no sense anyway, they're completely contradictory. And so&ndash; we did what we wanted.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I've heard a lot of people say that they like this episode, 'cause it is a little more down to Earth and it made people care a little more and think about the characters and Fry and Bender.</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': Yeah, have to admit, it was one of my favourite episodes. I like that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': I basically had fun drawing Fry's butt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': We all do.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': So, Billy West, you're talking to yourself in this scene as Fry and the professor. Where did these voices come from?</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Well, you guys showed me the drawings originally, the model sheets of each character and he was like&ndash; you could tell he was dottering and rickety and I even acting him that way, and he's got a little Wizard of Oz in him and little this or that. When you fuss them...</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': It's funny, when we are in the studio, you do sort of take on the characteristics &mdash; physically &mdash; of the voice you're doing.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': I don't know if that's the way to do things, but I have always thrown myself &mdash; like totally &mdash; into it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Why aren't you answering my questions in the voices of the characters?</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Can I do it again? [Professor voice] Well, the professor sounds like this. It is all rickety and he has a race of superhumans. [normal] And Fry&mdash;</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Too late; too late.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yeah, okay.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We all know what he sounds like!</poem><br />
:''[''All My Circuits'' is on TV.]''<br />
<poem>'''BH''': This is the first episode we get to see Calculon. Yeah, that's pretty exciting.</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': Television history was made.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's Maurice LaMarche as Calculon. He is always really funny, whenever he goes into that role.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': He's one of the greats, though.</poem><br />
:''[Fry and Bender are sitting in the sofa.]''<br />
<poem>'''GV''': I&ndash; I had a rather peculiar perspective on this setup, I was trying to get a little bit of depth. And this one worked out a little better. In these early episodes, we are all trying to nail the characters as best as we can. Particularly Leela.</poem><br />
:''[Shot of Leela.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yeah, I can see she has changed a little bit since that picture.</poem><br />
:''[Fry is talking.]''<br />
<poem>'''BW''': That Fry voice is 25-year old me. ''[laughter]'' No, I mean it really-- pretty much what I sounded like, I think, back then.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': [episode] We'll bill you for the couch.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That line, I remember, the astute viewer may have noticed that Hermes' lips were not moving at all there. I remember, "this seems kind of quiet", we wanted him to say something, but we had already exhausted our animation budget, so we just said, "yeah, whatever".</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Who's gonna notice?</poem><br />
:''[Fry and Bender are at the Food-o-Mat.]''<br />
<poem>'''BH''': This was a very difficult sequence to draw, because of the rotating beverages and the number of Martini glasses and the cutting and the&mdash;</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': And it comes in many other shows later on too.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': And you mean, by number of Martini glasses that made it difficult, you mean the number that was on your desk, when you&mdash;</poem><br />
:''[They laugh.]''<br />
<poem>'''BW?''': There are&ndash; are subliminal things you put in a scene like this or am I imaging things?</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Oh, no, no.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW?''': This wasn't one of them.</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Too many late hours to have any extra time...</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': ...To get clever.</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': It's a good looking cake.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': I have to say Bender is the greatest character, to me he was like the breakout character, because he was&ndash; he could get away with doing all the stuff that you are not supposed to see on TV, because he's a robot. Smoking and drinking, debauchery.</poem><br />
:''[Bender is showing Fry his apartment.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I'm not gonna go into the formal to this question, but the nerdiest computer-iest viewers might wanna look up Bender's apartment number in the ASCII-chart. That's right, you heard me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': This was probably the best shot to describe how small Bender's apartment was-- the aerial downshot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': You know, it's really hard in animation to do a confined space, and this&ndash; that's really good.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': [episode; sleep talking] Kill all humans.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': First use of "kill all humans", perhaps?</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': And not the last.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This conversation always sticks in my mind as one of the most memorable early sequences.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': [episode] Where is your bathroom?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': [episode] What-room?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': [episode] Where's your bathroom?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': [episode] Bath-what?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': [episode] Bathroom!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': [episode] What-what?</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Little nuances, little body language. Details.</poem><br />
:''[Bender is whistling inside that Planet Express building.]''<br />
<poem>'''RM''': On the studio, we called that "snappy whistling".</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yeah, but how's able to whistle? Is there like a whistle-chip in there or somewhere?</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': This is some of the early drawings of the Planet Express ship, we didn't have any 3D to work off, so we&ndash; we faked a lot of this.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': You're gonna redo it though, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Yes, sir!</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Yeah, this'll never be on the DVD.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Things I like about this is the story telling is a little more linear than on The Simpsons, and I think we decided to do that early on, because the setting is so fantastic, and&ndash; science-fiction-y, that&ndash; we really tried to tell a story straight through, and I think it really helped the show's lifespan.</poem><br />
:''[Close up of Leela.]''<br />
<poem>'''GV''': Oh, this is a bad drawing. ''[laughter]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': There's enough distractions, you know, to keep you away from noticing.</poem><br />
:''[Fry is laughing with Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''RM''': Fry's stomach!</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yeah, exactly.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': I think we see more of Fry's stomach in this show than any other episode.</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': Watch Fry's belly grow throughout this episode.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': And this guy's belly is sticking out, also.</poem><br />
:''[They are in the underwater apartment.]''<br />
<poem>'''BW''': Is the residence guy John DiMaggio too?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yeah, that's John DiMaggio.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': And he's also the voice of Bender?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yeah, the "apartment manager" here, actually.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': He does a great slob, you know.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Yeah, I've seen it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': This is my favourite background coming up.</poem><br />
:''[In Escher's Relativity apartment.]''<br />
<poem>'''BW''': Wow...</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Inspired by?</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': Escher.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Escher?</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': M.C. Escher.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Or "Esckey" as we call him.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Landlord''': [episode] No catch. Although we are technically in New Jersey.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Woah-</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': Never prouder.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': The New Jersey bashing begins, resuming in episode 9, probably a few other ones here and there. Episode 8, also. I think we were the first to come up with the idea with bashing New Jersey, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': Yeah, absolutely.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hattie''': [episode] Dr Mbutu collected this crap while he was exploring &ndash; what you call it? &ndash; universe.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': I love Hattie, she's a great character.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Oh, Tress MacNeille, yeah.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': With the lazy eye.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': That cast on her face.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': Even her cleavage line is wrinkly.</poem><br />
:''[''The Odd Couple'' inspired montage.]''<br />
<poem>'''BW''': Nice touch with the music. Earlier, that was little musical interlude that sounded retro-y like on ''Bewitched'' or one of those shows.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Christopher Tyng, our composer, really has come up with a lot of great music for the series.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Can I admit something? I have never seen ''The Odd Couple''. Really, I haven't.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': You haven't? Then we also made up that cigar joke that you're seeing.</poem><br />
:''[Laughter]''<br />
<poem>'''MG''': No, I noticed that everybody was howling with laughter at the animatic, so I assumed that this was a dead on parody.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': Well, not exactly.</poem><br />
:''[Bender crushes a chair.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Who was it&ndash; I remember someone being very upset that that nice chair was getting squashed. Does anyone remember who that was? One of the designers, I think.</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Tom Gammel?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Oh Tom Gammel, one of the writers. So he appreciated furniture, he really didn't like seeing it crushed like that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Noo&ndash;</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': I don't understand, it's a nice chair. Come on!</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': The beautiful drawing of a beautiful chair.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': Perfectly good chair!</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Well, by that logic...</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': The whole thing doesn't make sense.</poem><br />
:''[Fry is standing in front of the door, welcoming the others.]''<br />
<poem>'''GV''': I notice Fry is fairly thin there, he'll get quite a bit thicker later on.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': Oh yeah.</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': Oh the early days.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': There is an image that's kind of vivid in my mind.</poem><br />
:''[Amy falls.]''<br />
<poem>'''GV''': We pulled frames on that, because we wanted really fast and violent.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Professor''': [episode] Zevulon the Great. He's teriyaki style.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Zavulon is a reference to my college roommate, Zef. How's it going, Zef?</poem><br />
:''[Fry is fixing the TV.]''<br />
<poem>'''BH''': Okay, Fry's belly is a little bigger.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': In one night...</poem><br />
:''[TV goes on and off as Bender leaves and enter.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': The viewer gets a lot of chances to figure out what's going on in this sequences going...</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Bummer...</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': One little goof we made in the history of the series, is involving LöBrau beer, because when Fry first got frozen, in 1999, he had a LöBrau beer in his hand, but when he woke up, he has often subsequently seen drinking LöBrau beer. I guess might not be a mistake, it just survived for a thousand years. One of the carefully planned things in the series was the success of LöBrau beer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': The recipe has been in our family for several generations.</poem><br />
:''[Hattie is trying to find the source of the interference.]''<br />
<poem>'''MG''': Buster Keaton said in an interview, that the audience loves a slow thinker.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': And it applies to almost everybody in the scene.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Lady''': [episode] They're on my phone too.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': [episode; on phone] That lady's got a huge ass.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's great.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': My favourite line right there.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': So, Eric Horsted, you should this script to a bounce of school children the other day &mdash; this is true&ndash; this is true &mdash; as a little inspirational talk how you can get a career writing. How did this "ass" part go over?</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': It actually hasn't happened yet. It's happening on Friday.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': How do you envision it will go over?</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': I think there will be lots of giggling and appreciation of the fine achievement in writing that's occurred here.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': What style of animation is this? I know that there are traditional like cell drawing, hand painted stuff.</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Aoh, well. Does anyone know?</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': This is like a different&ndash; this is like a departure from all that stuff, isn't it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Well, yeah, do hand drawing, and then there is digital painting in this show, as opposed to ''The Simpsons''.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yeah, that's what I meant like hand painted cells and that, but those have been pretty much replaced?</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Ah, yeah, pretty much. It's almost the same process, but it's all digital now, also.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': So the initial drawings are by hand, but the colouring by computer? That's a good summary?</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Yeah, exactly. There you go. And then we have the additional of the all the 3D elements, that we do there. The more realistic elements, which are not in this show too much, though. In other episode.</poem><br />
:''[Leela is talking to Fry in the door way, wearing her green jacket.]''<br />
<poem>'''BH''': This is one of the&ndash; earlier jackets that Leela had, I think all tend to favour her pilot jacket a little more, in a later episodes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Kinda looks like a little petty coat.</poem><br />
:''[Bender enters his empty apartment.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': The shadow there. How comes the light in front of him, and the shadow in front of him?</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': That's the future for you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Could have been a brighter ball behind him somewhere.</poem><br />
:''[Bender zooms in on Fry's skin flakes.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This was tricky, I remember. Show these microscopic things, and thank God for Bender's focus out eyes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': This is just difficult to pull out for drunk Bender.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': [episode] Look at that five o'clock rust.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': It's easy for us to write "five o'clock rust" in the script. It's easier than for you to draw.</poem><br />
:''[Bender is lying in the sofa.]''<br />
<poem>'''GV''': We actually broke a rule here, as we actually never supposed to bend Bender's neck. But it looked kinda funny and sad and pathetic, so we did it anyway.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': It looks funny. </poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': We gotta abolish that rule.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': [episode] You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': What's he getting at?</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': The joke behind that is...</poem><br />
:''[Bender in foreground facing camera, with Leela behind him trying to convince him.]''<br />
<poem>'''GV''': Originally, we had a little tick in Bender's eye, but that was too distracting. So we cut it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': I love the sound effects on that fast running.</poem><br />
:''[Montage with Bender sober.]''<br />
<poem>'''BW''': This always sticks in my mind, it's like ''The Lost Weekend with Ray Milland''.</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': Public library, that's great.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': That 3 o'clock in the morning lounge music...</poem><br />
:''[Bender is lying the gutter with owls around him.]''<br />
<poem>'''MG''': Did people get that owls are nuisances in the future? We laid that in enough?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We started out laying it a lot, but...</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': Actually, I met someone about a week ago, who was really into that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Really?</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': Very excited about that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Excellent.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': That rats are gone, but owls are everywhere.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': Owls are now the new pest.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Well, then the new owls ate Fry's potpourri in his new digs in New New York?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Did that make it on the air? I don't think it made it on the air. I think we had to cut that for time.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Wow, I remember reading it... how much time do you cut of a&ndash; an episode sometime?</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': Often, entire sections.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Stuff that's been animated?</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Entire painful sections...</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We&ndash; as part of our deal with Rough Draft &mdash; Rought Draft people can correct me if I don't have it quite right, but I believe we get to get two minutes of animation beyond what will fit on TV. Is that right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Right, just about two minutes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's how much we cut out. However, we don't cut out two full minutes of stuff, for we will take out a little pause here and there or pull someone's dialogue over an exterior shot of the house. So, for example, we saw their house, then we cut inside and they started talking. Some times we will start over the exterior, that kind of thing to save time. We don't usually, ''really'' cut two full minutes out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': And there is also entire speeding up of scenes or sections of the show, right?.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yes, in emergency, we have the computer technology to actually speed up whole sections of the show. Very rarely used actually on this show. ''Simpsons'' uses it a little more. A painful thought is that for syndication, you have to cut out another minute or two. A lot of these stories are pretty complicated and gonna be very hard to edit down. We'll just apply the computer speed up though.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Or don't syndicate it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': What would Billy&ndash; Billy, what would the professor sound like if we sped him up 50% or so?</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Well, it depends on how you do it, if you use the electronic gadget, you can have it in real time and the voice doesn't speed up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Suppose we use the Billy West gadget.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': He wants you to do the voicing.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': I am being difficult!</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I know.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': [sped up Professor voice] Good news, everyone.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': So basically, what we are saying is that if you are watching this in syndication, you are not getting the whole thing. We recommend buying this DVD. Thank you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Tell your friends, tell all your friends.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': If you have stolen the DVD, go back to the store and give them the money.</poem><br />
:''[URL holding Bender's antenna.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I love the pose how he's holding that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Little repulsed.</poem><br />
:''[Bender reveals the "closet".]''<br />
<poem>'''BW''': That was a great gag.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': How close have we stuck with that design for their apartment? Have new doors and things appeared?</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Ah, they come and go. As we need them.</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Flexible little floor plan.</poem><br />
:''[Credits are rolling.]''<br />
<poem>'''EH''': Everybody sing.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': This is the part that's always in a half-inch by half-inch on your screen&ndash; in the corner of your TV screen.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': I can read it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This is the main thing you get when you buy the DVD.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': I know people who wait till the end of the show and they get a magnifying glass right near the TV set, and all they want to read is who did what.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Animators?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Take that, animators!</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': We suck...</poem><br />
<br />
{{navigation bottom/transcript<br />
|prev=The Series Has Landed<br />
|next=Love's Labours Lost in Space<br />
|iscommentary=yes<br />
}}</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Transcript:Commentary:The_Beast_with_a_Billion_Backs&diff=52499Transcript:Commentary:The Beast with a Billion Backs2009-12-21T16:44:56Z<p>Mini-Me: Small oops.</p>
<hr />
<div>{{transcript infobox<br />
|for=The Beast with a Billion Backs<br />
|film=The Beast with a Billion Backs<br />
|thanks to=Mini-Me<br />
|prev=Bender's Big Score<br />
|next=Bender's Game<br />
|iscommentary=yes<br />
|participants=<br />
*[[David X. Cohen]] (DXC)<br />
*[[Matt Groening]] (MG)<br />
*[[Claudia Katz]] (CK)<br />
*[[Peter Avanzino]] (PA)<br />
*[[Michael Rowe]] (MR)<br />
*[[Lee Supercinski]] (LS)<br />
*[[Billy West]] (BW)<br />
*[[Maurice LaMarche]] (MM)<br />
*[[John DiMaggio]] (JD)<br />
}}<br />
<poem>'''[[Billy West]]''': [as Announcer] There is nothing wrong with your DVD. The Beast with a Billion Backs. What are ya waitin' for? A commentary? ''[people laughing]'' Release date: June 24 2008. The proud result of...</poem><br />
:''[Title Caption appears.]''<br />
<poem>'''BW''': ... prison labour, that's what it says? Oh, hi, I'm Billy West. And, uh, this, is commentary for Beast with a Billion Backs, eagerly awaited and, uh, we got a whole crowd with us today. Umm... hi Mo. </poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Maurice LaMarche]]''' [comedic voice]: Hey, what a crowd! What a crowd! I tell ya' I'm alright now, but last week I was in rough shape. [normal voice] Oh, look at this. I love this. This is, this is gonna be amazing. I'm Maurice LaMarche. I'm an actor on the show. I play Kif, Morbo, Calculon, Schlomo, Sportsbot 5000, Hedonism Bot, Destructor, Elderly King Kong, Lrrr, Horrible Gelatinous Blob and Fishy Joe. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Alternate Opening Cartoon appears.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[David X. Cohen]]''': Okay, let's finish introducing ourselves after this. Pete Avanzino, director, you wanna talk a little about this black and white section and the inspirations. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Excellent. </poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Peter Avanzino]]''': I'm Pete Avanzino, the director. I was fortunate enough, uh, you guys wrote this great scene and we had the great Steven DiStefano, who's a comic book artist and Popeye historian, storyboard it and we pretty much traced his drawings for the design and, uh...umm... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Any inspirations? </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Well, of course, Steamboat Mickey, Steamboat Willie, one... I mean. Is that the inspiration you want? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Sure. ''[people laughing]'' And, uh, John DiMaggio did the whistling that you heard. </poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Michael Rowe]]''': And we owe Disney money now. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': John's here? Where? </poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Matt Groening]]''': Cartoons are written? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Matt Groening! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': So now that I sound like a raving egomaniac 'cause I'm the only person who introduced all his credits. Ladies and gentlemen, please let me introduce Matt Groening. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Hi, this is Matt Groening. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Hi. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This is David X. Cohen. X-ecutive producer. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': This is Katie Segal and I have a cold. ''[people laughing]'' This is Mike Rowe, one of the, uh, writers somewhere in here. </poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Claudia Katz]]''': Claudia Katz, producer for Rough Draft. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': It's Peter Avanzino again. Director. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Uhh, Lee Supercinski. A producer. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': And I'm John DiMaggio. Voice of Bender and Randy, who you just saw a second ago. [as Randy] 'Cause he's great! I can't believe he's still around. My God! Stuff happens. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': And, obviously, this movie actually starts out where the last one left off. Very surprisingly. Normally when a cartoon ends with the universe blowing up you just go, "Oh, it's a cartoon. They're not gonna deal with that," but we decided to deal with it so... </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Intro to Sports with Sportsbot 5000.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': [laughing] I just noticed the dude playing marbles in the uh... There's a guy playing marbles in the highlights in sports. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': That scene is packed with great sports footage. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I didn't - I... that's great. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Rough Draft did a lot of work for that. It was a lot of animation for a joke. </poem><br />
<br />
<poem>'''PA''': Ya, when you guys write a joke like that I don't like to cheat on it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Well you have it even worse later. We'll get to it later, but there's that screen with 64 simultaneous bits of information later, so we'll talk about that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Yes and I think you guys said "Well, can't you just repeat some?" and... I'm not gonna do that. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Professor ignites his own head.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': Hey, he's burnin' up. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': This is the first time I'm seeing this, so I'm just gonna watch. ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Fry enters with Colleen.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's guest star Brittany Murphy there as Colleen. ''[people cheering]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': [as Shaft] Yeah, that's right. Brittany Murphy. Aw, she a bad mutha'... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Watch yo' mouth. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': [as Shaft] I'm just talkin' 'bout Brittany Murphy, baby. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': We can dig it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': [as Shaft] Aw, man. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': L-O-L. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': ''[laughs]'' [surfer voice] Totally hot. Wow. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Rofflemow (as in R.O.F.L.M.A.O.) </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': I see her bellybuttons. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': [as Shaft] That's crazy. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': So, we had some qualms about this a little bit - although it didn't stop us - about Fry is immediately smitten with this other woman, apparently days after the last episode in which he and Leela has this real big love story going, but we figured "Ah, well, six months will pass between people actually seeing that one and this one so they'll probably forgive us about this story twist." </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Until now, you let the cat out of the bag. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': [as Fry] I've always been a bit of a hussie. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': I listen to my commentaries at home in the nude. ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Fry and Zoidberg talking about Colleen in the park.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': I love this little bit right here with the... just snaking us in and then... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I liked the little blood on the pancakes joke. I laughed ''out loud'' when I heard that joke. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': A flashback within a flashback. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Sorry. (for interrupting MM)</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': There used to be a third part to this sequence and if you watch the Deleted Scenes extras in the DVD you'll see this actually continued another step further. Fry and Colleen met each other the next day. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': [as Shaft] Those Deleted Scenes are a bad mutha'-</poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': You chose to break the rules. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We stuck to two. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Bender is turned back on.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': Hey, is that Iron Man? ''[does excessive electronic sounds, then stops]'' Sorry. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Nice segue, Billy. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': MM, you have a lo-. You have, actually, a large role in this... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': I have a story line. Yah, I was very thrilled. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': You're actually playing Kif, who's involved in this story line, and Calculon, who is heavily involved in another story line. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': [as Calculon] Yes I am indeed, my friend, Mr. Cohen. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': And Hedonism Bot, who also has a heavy role in that story and... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': [as Hedonism Bot] I'm afraid you're making a weight reference and I will not acknowledge it. ''[people laughing]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': And Morbo, who explains everything to us, so I'd have to say MM has a... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': I think we should just change it to "Mo-arama" at this point. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Aw, yeah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': And we're done. Yah, I actually selfishly went through and counted all my characters in the episode just to make sure I still work here. ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': (drowned MM's previous comments) Hey, did I...? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Did you what? </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Never mind. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Flying toward Amphibious 9.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': Wait, we're on Amphibious 9 now. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yes, that's right. We're on your home planet. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': That's right. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': You're character's home planet. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Alright. This is-</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': It's about you, Mo. ''[MM laughing]'' It's about you. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': No, I'm just thrilled that I'm doing this. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Leela exits the ship-eating plant with a blow torch.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': That's sexy. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I'll break out the... the Stoke-Longer. ''[people laughing]'' I just invented it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': "Mo's Big Score." </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': A new thing. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': The Back Patter. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Now this planet was established for "Kif Gets Up..." [confused mouth sound] "Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch," episode 401. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': But we've never seen it at night. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Enter Kif's parents.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': And we've never seen Kif's parents before. But one interesting this is when we last saw this planet Kif was giving birth to his and Leela's babies due to the strange circumstances of that episode and so we were originally planning to revisit their babies here but we just decided it was so confusing to anyone that didn't have a clear memory that it was him and Leela and he gave birth. They were tad poles so we decided we would not deal with that, but on the other hand the fact that they start as tad poles and turn into whatever Kif is inspired us to say, "Hey, what if they then turn into something else?" So that's where these flies came from. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': What David is saying... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': These Hook Flies, are these a real type of fly or did you make them up? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': They're very cool. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Flying Hook Worms? </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I really don't think that's a real thing. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': I think they're... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Okay. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': [in Kif's father's voice] Nice to meet you. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's a great effect though. That computer graphics there. And the audio. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': And that was Billy doing that voice without any... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': How many flies are there? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Billy was not audio effected. That's just Billy doing Billy. that's how genius he is. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': [in Kif's father's voice] Thank you. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': [weird voice] That's just Billy being Billy. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': [in Kif's father's voice] I love you. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': There's also an audio effect on it, there is. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': [weird voice] That's just Billy being Billy. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Billy did the voice for each one of those flies. ''[DXC and KK laugh]'' </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Leela is playing Pong on her wrist.] [MM laughs]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': How many flies are animated there? </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Who cares? It was a buyout. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Thousands! </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Uhh, those are 3-D. I dunno, somebody would have to count them. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': I think they're some sort of particle based effect. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Yah, we... flying bugs are something that come out choppy a lot in 2-D so... </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': The research was very difficult to... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': They were inspired by what we found on John's back. ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': After coming back from Thailand. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Tress MacNeille, ladies and gentlemen, coming up. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Tress also has a huge number of roles in this DVD. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yes. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': She's every woman in the... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': I had a number of roles for lunch. Does that count? ''[people laughing]'' I had to say it, I'm sorry. Cut that in post. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': I like the look on Leo Wong's face. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': I love that she's wearing something borrowed, something blue. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Oh, yah! </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Oh, she's got the blue garters on! Nice! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Nice! </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': We don't miss anything. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': This scene came from the inspiration of my wedding. ''[people laughing]'' Don't want to get into it, but... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Nice. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': There ya' go. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Did the mud burn? That's all I wanna know. Did it burn? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': I want a transcript of this audio commentary. ''[DXC and MG laugh]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Uh, by the way, I gotta credit Eric Kaplan, the writer of the DVD who could not be here today. In fact he's out of the country, but fantastic script Eric Kaplan. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Abu dabu. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Long story. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Is he coming back? </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I actually drove past him on the street the other day and noticed it was him as I passed and I yelled out "Mister Kaplan!" And I looked in the mirror and he was like. ''[people laughing]'' Where did that mystery voice come from? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': John is acting this out on a voice commentary. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yes! It's something that you can't see at home! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': But the facial expression was priceless. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': [high pitched voice] Wow! Incredible! </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Kif pulls out his bouquet.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': Now is this some organ of Kif's or umm...? </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yes. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Cause I played it that way. ''[DXC and KK laugh]'' </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Fry and Colleen star into each others eyes.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': Wow. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Which one is Fry? ''[people laugh]'' </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Zoidberg devours the bouquet.] [groans of disgust are shared throughout the group]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': [as Zoidberg] But I have sweet breath. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I love this. This is great. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Bed head. (does a electric razor noise) [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Awesome. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Good timing. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': You know what happens is you create stuff like this in fiction and then people go on to create it in real, you know, actual scientists create it in real life. So within 20 years there will be Barb-O-Mite. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Would you use it though? I wouldn't want mites on my hair. Even if they... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': If I could get the same haircut, the perfect haircut every time? I dunno. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Only if you knew that the lifespan of the mite was, like if it ate that much it would die. Like, you'd have to... no there'd be too much! </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': So you're okay with having a head full of dead mites? </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yah, see, yah. That's the thing. They'd be alive when you put 'em in and then like eat the hair and then because of that... </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Maybe they decompose. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Into a nice conditioner. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': See, that's the other thing. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': A leave on conditioner. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Well, you know. It's... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': The director's saying, "Why aren't they talking about the colours?" </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I don't know. All I know is Barb-O-Mite. [Bender as announcer] Everybody's favourite stuff to put in their hair! It's Barb-O-Mite! </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Bender pulls out a head of cabbage for Fry.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': I love how... watch the cabbage. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Done. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': How about the Flow-Bumblebee? ''[MG laughs]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': I love how Bender has the talent to actually draw.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I like this part. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Wilson! </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Bender draws a really good Fry for being upset. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Yep. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': So, on the last DVD we did a full episode of Everybody Loves Hypnotoad. Can I put in my two cents now and say on the third DVD, a full episode of All My Circuits? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Oooh! </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yah, get started on that. ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Nice job dude. Way to go. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Fry and Colleen enter 2-D ride.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MG''': I think this is one of my favourite scenes of all time on the show. This is great. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I like barker. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': This is conceptionally great and well executed. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Actually there's a shot coming up that we fought... ''[side view of Fry.]'' Well that, that's a great shot in itself. Sterling animation. ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': If you blow that up like 200 times you would not believe what's going on there. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': That is the scene that I animated myself. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I like this-... oh really? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': No, this is the scene I animated myself. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This is the angle I love, right there. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': That is great. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': And this one. wait... the one that. That one. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That, a credit to our editor Paul Calder who had the idea to use that as... to reuse that as a reaction shot. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': "At the fuut of the bed." At the... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': And John DiMaggio, that dog whimper was not called for in the script. You just did that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I think I... yah... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': It just had like "pathetic whimper" or something and then John did that dog whimper and we used it for Bender. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': I drew him like a cat though. [people laughing] A cat rubbing his head. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': See? Yep. There goes- there goes that Emmy award. ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Get ready for our next guest star. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Here he comes. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Ah... oh... and... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Making his second appearance in Futurama. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Stephen Hawking descends into frame.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Professor Stephen Hawking. </poem><br />
:''[people clapping]''<br />
<poem>'''PA''': Do you remember our discussion on how Stephen should... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': That was amazing. He actually has terrific timing. ''[DXC laughs]'' I was watching this last night going "Hawking is funny. He's got really great timing." </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': You know what it is? He's got that Stephen Wright style of comedy. ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': What's funny is his phone machine sounds normal. ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Hey, uhh... </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' [as Stephen Hawking] I saw a wooden man the other day. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Hey is somebody... I don't mean to, I don't mean to bring it down, but somebody that was on the show, umm... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Just passed away recently. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Gary Gygax. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Gary Gygax, and I think we should say just, you know... ah, best... you know... say the best. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Heavy inspiration of our third DVD, Bender's Game, um... so, yes, thanks to Gary Gygax for the inspiration and the good times. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': May he rest in peace. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Not that we're giving away much about DVD three. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': ''[laughs]'' He's reduced to throwing his teeth now, that's so great. I'm not gonna come down there and punch him out. ''[chomps teeth]'' Ow! </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Ooh! ''[chomps teeth]'' Ow! </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Hey, Pete, is this our largest crowd ever in lab coats? </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': In lab coats. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Definitely. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Are lab coats hard to draw? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': There was an early version where this was called the Institute for Advanced Studlies and the scientists all had tremendous physiques. ''[MR laughs]'' We decided that it was just confusing the issue. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': "I didn't know I could do that." ''[MM laughs]'' Funny. Funny, funny, funny. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': I remember David, you were maybe contemplating Hawkins' head could actually move. Like his mouth would move, but he would still have the robot voice. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yah, we had to decide what to do in the future, like, would he change technology, but we decided "you know what, everyone's preserved in the jar the way you best remember them." My guess from their career, what they're known for. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Their quintessential version. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yah, so we stuck with the straight up. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Scene: Deathball.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MG''': So David and I can't get over this scene. We played this over and over again watching the animation in this. It's, uh... </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': I love this. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': We actually built a life sized version of this at Rough Draft and our workman's comp. rates are just outta control. ''[LL laughs]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Well, when Fry's riding that ball. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': This should be the next Halloween party. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Yah, this should be the next... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Oh, that would be awesome. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': [as Zoidberg] Think of the insurance. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I'm gonna point out this scene that blows me away when it's gets there. I mean, it all does, but it's a use of 3D in a way we've not used it before. For one thing, you know, it's just a totally novel use of 3D in the show. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': I think we're gonna do a special on this somewhere, but... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Okay, watch Fry's hands in this shot, the subtlety of like... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': The finger movements! </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': He's balancing with, like, his fingers. That is unbelievable. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': That is great. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I actually thought you guys had done motion capture when I saw that shot. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Please! </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': It's so... it looks so detailed. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': We did, uh... we did, umm... It's a weird combination, 'cause we built scenes like that one in 3D. The floor is tilting and then we print them out and the layout artist draws the layouts on top of those print outs. And then the end, we send all the print outs to Korea and they have to register all the drawings to each print out, one by one. And that shot of Fry on top of the ball, it came out really incredible and, um... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Who did the... </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': J. Kim did the layouts. I should say, Edmund Fong boarded this whole section and we planned it from the start. We knew all the... everything, you know, all the scenes, but there's about a dozen or 15 where the floors really tilt well and then we replaced all the balls. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': In 3D, right. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': The bocce ball type things. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Look at his little butt! </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': We mixed these movies in 5.1 and that scene in particular, every... I hope everyone's listening to it in 5.1 at home. The subwoofer roar of the balls, and it's a fantastic mix on that part. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yah, in the surround sound you can really hear that those balls weigh about ten thousand tonnes each as the "boom." </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Well, when I'm in my tub at night I-.. no! ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': I like sitting on my subwoofer. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': You sunk my battleship! ''[JJ still laughing]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This is Phil LaMarr as Ndulu, Maurice as Schlomo and, by the way, the character of Schlomo with the bow tie there, that is... that's an old design based on Eric Kaplan. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Eric Kaplan! I was gonna say. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Totally. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': And Bolt Rolands, the other boyfriend, is also Phil LaMarr from episode 104. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Phil LaMarr was doing every voice in that scene at one point. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': At one point he was also Schlomo. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Did you guys ever think of having a.. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': But you decided to give it to a real Jew. ''[people laughing]'' A real Jew with a fake French name. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': well... you're outing yourself. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': I had no idea. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Once you've had your brake lines cut it's just... you know. Hey, I wanna tell ya... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Now, oh! A, just a general com-... oh and the Enema Bot. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': And the Enema Bot. I love the Enema Bot. That's hilarious. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Was that... who was that? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's Dave Herman. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Oh, course! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Course! </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Course! </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Dave, why are you never here? </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Dave "Everything I Touch Turns To Gold." </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' [as Dave Herman] Because I'm not stupid. I don't have money to travel like you guys do. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Comedy gold. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': But we just live here. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' [as Dave Herman] I live in Texas. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Now they... that's how they load the Dark Matter onto the...? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This week. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': In this episode. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': That's very funny. Well enjoy that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': They got strong. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We're gonna finally learn the deep dark secrets of Dark Matter in DVD number three. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': That's right! That was my cryptic comment. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Kif's head expands with pressure.] [MM laughs]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Another new feature of Kif there. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I like this part. ''[Kif's eye sticks out and Amy pokes in back in.]'' Pow. </poem><br />
:''[Professor stands behind Enema Bot and slightly groans.]''<br />
<poem>'''JD''': HA HOO! ''[people laughing]'' Sorry. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That Professor "moan" there is so disturbing. It sounds so... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Well there's steam coming off his behind. You didn't see that? Of course you saw that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': No, I missed that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Can you rewind? </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': You missed that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': I missed that, I did. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': It's so, the moan is so quiet. It just sounds like he lost the will to live. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': That was the "death rattle." </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': After a hot coffee enema, pretty much... yah. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Fry fails to catch his futon.] [DXC laughs]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': Ow. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Fry looks up at Colleen's apartment complex.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': Any significance to the numbers there, David? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Ah, not that I know of, actually. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Really? Just random 2-4... </poem><br />
<br />
:''[The complex lowers into the ground.] [BW laughs]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': This is a funny bit. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': It's gonna happen some day. ''[DXC laughs]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Here's a, I was gonna make a writing note to explain our thinking process a little bit with this non-monogamous relationship story here. The idea here, if it was not obvious, is that Fry gets involved with this relationship and he... it's just too much for him. He gets overwhelmed and he says, you know, "I can't deal with this woman who's got five boyfriends," but later he becomes the ultimate spokesman for the opposite point of view with Yivo where he is the pope of this religion espousing this relationship with a quadrillion people, so this is kind of a micro version of the giant story later in which Fry finds himself on the opposite side of the yard. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Would that be foreshadowing? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I don't know what it'd be called. It might just be repetition. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Oh, okay. But you need to know for the test. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Maybe we should say spoiler at this point. ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Hermes performs the Crack-Slam on Wernstrum.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': By the way, that made me laugh really hard. The crack-slam. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Really, a naked butt made John DiMaggio laugh? </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yah. Yah. Yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': I think there's a lot less naked butt in this one than the first one. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Do you think people... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': The crack-slam! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': ...people, there's nobody who's gonna listen to the commentary track first and then watch the movie. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': No, no. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': We're not really spoiling... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': We're not spoiling it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': They're watched the movie once, right? </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': If they watch... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Write us if you've watched... if you've actually put this in and watched this first and listened to us first and then watched the actual movie. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': But then mail the envelope first and then write the letter. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': [as Bender] I love Bender dot com. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[The six-some have dinner at a table in Colleen's apartment.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This dinner scene is inspired by Spike Lee's "Do The Right Thing." There's a scene with several boyfriends at the table at once, so... certain type of... an homage. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Ohh. An homage to Spike Lee. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Except nobody's on a dolly walking. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yes! ''[DXC laughs]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': He stole that from us, that's our trademark. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': And Public Enemy isn't playing in the background. (long pause) Hello? [people laughing] Hello? Did I say something wrong? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': No, I was joining in with... mumbling on... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Public Enemy's awesome. Their tunes are great. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': I got involved with my character Schlomo, who you can see to the left of your screen. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I even like "25th Hour" for cryin' out loud. Come on. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': John. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Hello? </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': W-G-A-S. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Wha... uh... oh... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': What? </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I don't know what the... </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': On the computer. W-G-A-S. Who gives a... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Ahh! </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Ohh! Got it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Nobody cares. Now we can sing it at you! "Nobody cares!" </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Anything that starts with W-G-A, I assume it's the Writer's Guild of America. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Oh. Is Patrick here? </poem><br />
<br />
:''Bender poops multiple bricks.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Speaking of, uhh... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Oh my God. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Call back and top 'er! </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Dating to the pilot. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': The very pilot. Only I notice these bricks are not metallic covered, er, coloured. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': And they were set up like a mason did it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Were they metallic coloured in the pilot? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Yah, he dropped a... that was a regular brick. </poem><br />
<poem>'''Everybody''': (a mix of yes, no and "umm")</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Maybe they were cinder blocks. Could have been cinder block-ish. [MG laughing] </poem><br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': Cinder blocks. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': [as announcer/jingle singer] I know it sounds a bit bazaar, but with cinder blocks! That's how conditions are. [JJ laughing] Sorry. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Bender begins his walk toward the Anomaly.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Here comes a beautiful cinematic sequence. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I love these real wide shots. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': That's one thing that 16:9 has been really fun to work in. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': You gotta tell us how you did that uh... the Anomaly effect. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': [deep voice] Aww, yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Umm, you're design notes were that you wanted a fractal edge on the... which you had to explain that to me a number of times and then I and the 3-D supervisor had many discussions. This scene came out really good. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Bender gets blown away from Anomaly:''[<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': That was the greatest scream. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': There's a few extra bricks there. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yep. More. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Turns out he wasn't quite finished. ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': I never saw those bricks. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': I missed those bricks the first time. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Yah! That's good. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Did you have bean bricks for lunch? </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yep. Yep. I did. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Bender was full when they took off that day. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': The Anomaly's in 3-D. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': So, yah. The Anomaly's in 3-D and we did the main thing that I think helps the fractal is it kind of... instead of the edges moving smoothly it kind of pops a little and, uhh... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Little more electrical. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Cause the whole thing, we've decided that the other universe has kind of an electrical theme- electro-matter and lightning when you go into it and it destroys machinery at the cost of that - so there's, everything was supposed to have kind of an electrical feel about that interface. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': And it's got a nice, kind of reflective surface on it and we never see the back. I think if you went around the back it would disappear. Notice we never see it! </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': This is great. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': I'm sorry, I'm talking through acting. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': "...sit through a tampon commercial," I love that joke. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Now, you see this. This is Billy was Judge Whitey here. Now this joke "ow." This is what's known as, you'll see as we come to it, there's another joke that is essentially identical later that we, it got through unnoticed by us that we had used the same joke twice. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Well it's noticed now. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That is known in writing circles as a "sock barrel" when you do two very similar jokes twice by accident. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Wow. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I believe the origin of that is, you have a barrel of socks of all different colours and you happen to pull out two of the same colour. Is that right, Mike or is there... </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': It's the rule of two "ows." </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': ...you're a comedy writer. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': I never understood the sock barrel theory. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': I never pursued it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I just guessed that that's the etymology of it. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Fry is onscreen crying in a Psychiatrist's office.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''' [as Fry] It all started when I auditioned for this show called Futurama. ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Fry is onscreen playing in an arcade.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': Honkey Kong. Oooh...! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Normal Combat. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I invite everyone to freeze frame... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': [different voice] Yes! A game called Honkey Kong! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': ''[laughing]'' Ms. Marple Madness! </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I think I made up most of those video game names as somebody who had spent a lot of time in video game arcades, except, actually Normal Combat. That was you, Pete. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': I think I wrote that, yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': You wrote that one. But Honkey Kong, that was me. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Due to a strike. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Oh, yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Bender had his built in wheelchair once before in the "War is the H Word" episode. So nothing's new. It's all just cobbled together. ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': But it's the way you reuse them. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': We have seen too many body bags and ball sacks. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Calculon's operation scene.] [JJ intermittently laughing]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I was looking back at, kind of, some of the earlier versions of the script and the outline. Eric Kaplan had this idea early on that we had to drop because it was too complicated, but uhh... oh, wait! I'm going to interrupt myself. Look at this shot. The "Crotch P.O.V. Shot." ''[people laughing]'' That was called for actually by Eric Kaplan so I just want to credit him, I love that shot. Anyway... </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Is that the "sock-crotch theory?" </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Eric had this idea that Fry, after he got really lonely from this break-up, he got this thing called the virtual companion. It was this robot that bucked him up and stooped his ego. But... seemed like too much on top of everything else. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': That scared, that shocked me that move. His last move of throwing Bender. It was like, "Wow, this guy's come to life." </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That wasn't Bender, that was the doctor. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Oh, the Doctor or rather. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Are you still shocked? ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yah, I'm still shocked. Well he got arnory. Or ornery. </poem><br />
<br />
:''["No time, woman! No time!".] [JJ laughs]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': There's a lot of- We always imaging the future of being very sanitary... ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yah. It's gross though. Every time somebody puts their nose on the Smell-o-Scope there's this disgusting noise. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': A little "shlurp." </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': It's just like, it's so gross. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': And there's no Alco-Gel or whatever you use to... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Ohh... no. It's hilarious. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': The one thing they've cured in the future is obsessive compulsive disorder. ''[people laughing]'' Nobody cares about germs at all. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Everybody has a perfect immunity system. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': The Smell-O-Scope is one of many things in Futurama that we just threw in once as a joke back in episode 108, still uhh... my memory's still working here - the Big Ball of Garbage {A Big Piece of Garbage}, and we just though it... </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Wernstrum is onscreen in a thong.] [everybody "ewws"]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''PA''': Speaking of big ball of garbage. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': But we though the Smell-O-Scope was a throw away joke, but now it's come back 50 times, so. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': It's so beautiful because instead of sending your eyes out millions of miles away you're sending your nose out there. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': I do not recommend the toy though. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Matt, will you talk about that character we just saw? Pocket Pal. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Well, back at the beginning, the first couple of years when we were just thinking about this and writing this, we came up with a bunch of character that we never got around to introducing and that's, I think, is that the last character that we... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I think so. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Last character that was supposed to be in the original series. Pocket Pal. That little robot that we just killed. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Yah, I remember him being one of the first designs when we first started... </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': And he was actually very hard to design for this show because I knew I had seen drawings of him aand it took us like a week to find 'em. I didn't want to just do them over. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': The idea is that his body's the exact size to accommodate a Double-A battery and that's it, he's just filled with battery. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Farnsworth and Wernstrum are throwing Pocket Pals into the mini-Anomaly.] [people laughing]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': So we killed it... </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': And apparently quite inexpensive. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Pretty much using up all the storyline right there. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We killed him off, but by showing all those other ones we left open the possibility that another Pocket Pal could come back, so. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': The original idea was that Fry was going to have Pocket Pal as his little pocket pal and Bender would be jealous. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': And Fry would carry him around in his pocket and he would help explain the future to Fry. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Right. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': But we just realized that wasn't really necessary, to explain everything. You just do it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' [as Zoidberg] Just let it happen. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Is Pocket Pal seriously a... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': It's funnier if he doesn't understand it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Is it a reference to an adult thing? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': It could be... ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': By that I mean... </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Setting: The White House.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': Why is there a stegosaurus on the White House? </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': What? Why is there a pterodactyl on the front lawn-</poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': No, a stegosaurus. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': A stegosaurus. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': 'Cause it's the future! </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Was that scripted or was... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': ''[laughing]'' "'Cause it's the future!" </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': [as Paul Lynn] "It's the future!" </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': [as Paul Lynn] It's the future, people! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Everybody do Paul Lynn. ''[MG laughs]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': [as Paul Lynn] Ah... I love Nixon. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': [as Paul Lynn] Well here's proof we didn't go to war in Iraq. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Nixon speaks.] [people laughing]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': I love how you throw in, Billy, a cheek flap in the m- at the end of a Nixon line. It was so serious. I can't remember which one it was. But there's this extra little ''[flaps cheek into mic]''. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Well I have to give credit to the editors. I heard a little "wiz-bang" noise and I swear I couldn't make it and I think they edited it together. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Sometimes you put them in the middle of a word too. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Yah, it's, that, that, that is really... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': [as Nixon] Arrooou! </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': You know what it is? I'm tired of doing impressions, so you boil somebody down to a noise. You know, [as Nixon] Barrooou! ''[people laughing]'' ''[growls more]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Look at that crowd. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Billy, what would Paris Hilton sound like in a bottle? ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Yah, speaking of boiling. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Okay, in a jar. It's not a bottle, it's a jar. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': In a jar, here. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': [as Pairs Hilton in a jar] That's really hot. ''[people laughing]'' [normal voice] Hey, ever hear of the Holocaust? [as Paris Hilton] That's really hot. ''[people laughing]'' [normal voice] Hey, you know your brother's going to jail for D.U.I.? [as Paris Hilton] Dude, that's so hot. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[people laughing]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': Wow. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Heads in a jar. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': The views expressed on this are ''[makes fart noise]'', excuse me. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Colleen is beating Wernstrum over the head with her nightstick.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We had to, ah... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I love this! </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yah, we had to be very careful to remind ourselves that these futuristic saber-like devices just conk you on the head like a broom handle and the sound effects... </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Like the ones at ComiCon. ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': I thought you weren't going to talk about that night as ComiCon, Billy? </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yah, I know. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': My head still hurts. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': You were supposed to let that go, Billy. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Hey, Pete. How come there's hover vehicles everywhere, but also helicopters? </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': The... there aren't helicopters. They look helicopter-ish, but they're hovering. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': They're hovering, they just have... [Jewish voice] ...they have a beanie on top! </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Even if you freeze frame and see that the blades are spinning... ''[helicopter is seen flying onscreen.]'' Oh, they are spinning. Those are force field blades. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Oops, I forgot. Billy was actually... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Ahh... got it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': This looks great. I can't wait to buy it. ''[people laughing]'' </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': It'll be out. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Over onto Amazon. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': [as Bender] Leaguey weaguey. [normal voice] Sorry. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': There's something so adorable whenever Bender has these childish fantasies of... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': That's because I'm adorable. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Like all this other insane stuff goes on in Futurama and they're making fun of Bender for, you know. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Believing in the League of Robots. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Like, "how dare you." </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Bender speaks.] [people laughing]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': Way to play the game, John. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Sorry. </poem><br />
<br />
:''["Tears" scene.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': This is brilliant. This part, with the tears. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I, I guess that's some kind of wiper fluid coming out of Bender's eye. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Professor is onscreen being beaten.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': ComiCon. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': I know Matt always... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Nope, he's become a real boy. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': I know Matt always hates it when cartoon characters cry. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': (laughing) "Stowaway hatch." </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': And I think it's really an emotional thing, but he says it's-</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Well what's coming out of their eyes? (speaks as if he were tearing up) It's ju-... it's this blue... liquid. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Bubble bath. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''' (as if he were crying): It's Drain-</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Windex. [BW and MG laugh] </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': It's hard to animate characters in this world crying because their eyeballs are so big. You see. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Setting: Bender writing his note.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': This is the "Marquis de Bender." </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': By the way, listen to all the beautiful music in this by Christopher Tyng. :''[Bender pins his note on Zoidberg's chest.]'' Oh, here's the sock barrel! So there Zoidberg says "ow" after the fact, so that's the, what I was referring to as a "sock barrel." </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': An underplayed "ow." Yes. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': It's awfully close to that other "ow." </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Setting: Bender by/in a Suicide Booth.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': Hey, look what's back! Look what's back, sittin' there. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Hey. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': What? </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': I thought they got rid of those booths? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': The Suicide Booths? </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': No way. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': No? They've always been around? </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': They were in DVD one. Indirectly. Didn't he go into a phone booth and... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': He thought it was a Suicide Booth. In Bender's Big Score. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yep. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Setting: The Nimbus approaches the Anomaly.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''CK''': Looks like they've repaired the Nimbus. [MG laughs] </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Can, can someone remind me what the name Nimbus comes from? Again. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Ah, I believe Nimbus means a halo or a glow and it also is a type of cloud. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': It was also, I believe, a Mike Nesmith song. A Monkees song. Am I right? Anybody? </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Nimbus? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': No? </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Nimbus. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': It was also a... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Maybe it was! </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': But the reason we chose it for the ship is it also sounds like, you know, nimrod or... It sounds like a word you would use to... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Also Nimbus Nine Productions. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Nimbecile. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Peter Tork's nickname. Monkey. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': ...a famed Canadian in rock and roll producer. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': I think you were right. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Maurice, tell us about Kif's thoughts. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Kif's thoughts? At this moment? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': As, uh... well. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': He thinks about Mike Nesmith a lot. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Actually, oh. It's the sequence coming up. Hold that-, get ready! Get ready to do that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Okay. I'm waiting. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': This is true, going into that. They have a meeting tomorrow with Micky Dolenz. It's very exciting. This is true</poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': But by the time this comes out that meeting will already have taken place, so maybe you can print the results on the back... </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': No, the next DVD after this. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': If you see the guy with the wool hat, tell him it's really hot out. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': (laughs) That was Peter Tort. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': No, it was Mike Nesmith. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Oh, you're right. It was Mike Nesmith. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Hottest day of July, he's got that freakin' hat on. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Bender falls through the Suicide Booth floor.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': A logical question: I'm going to ask it because I know fans are going to ask it. How did the League of Robots know Bender was going to go to that Suicide Booth? That, being the secret entrance to their lair apparently. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Maybe all Suicide Booths are secret entrances to the lairs. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': That was going to be my guess. Yes. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Setting: Fry is next to the Anomaly.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''LS''': Nice reflection of the Nimbus. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': I like that the torpedo loads in the bridge. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': And comes... yep. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Seems like not a great idea. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': The ergonomics... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': For the purpose of the upcoming scenes it had to be that way. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': It's a fantastic idea. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as Zapp): I planned the recoil myself. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Zapp tricks Kif.]'' [people laughing] </poem><br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Here's where I started to wonder what Kif's thinking. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Well, he's basically thinking (as Kif): (sighs) [DXC laughs] (normal voice): You know, the, I love the fact that we've returned to the Kif side here in this... </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Zapp yells at Francine.]'' [JJ laughs] :''["Be a dear.".]'' [people laughing]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': Oh great. I'm sorry, I got interrupted by, by the action about to come up. For those of you that are watching the commentary first... [people laughing] ...and didn't watch it already, this is a very tragic scene coming up. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Maybe you should alternate between what Kif's thinking and what Calculon is thinking. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''' (as Calculon): Why I think that would be an excellent idea. I can tell you right now that Calculon is thinking about... Calculon. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I really like the name "the League of Robots" 'cause it's so unadorned. It's so unclever. It's the first thing that would come to your mind. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': It's great. It's great. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': I think that there should be League of Robots t-shirts. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Yes. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Ooh! </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Do it. Do it. Do it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Done! </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Everything you think of is... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': So being a robot is like being in college. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': League of Robots chess set. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Yep. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': We could make t-shirts and right now I could say there are t-shirts. [people laughing] When the time comes up. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Was that Phil LaMarr doing the voice of that duffer robot? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Ah, that's Dave Herman. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': That was Dave Herman too?! </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': But there's two robots like that. There's, the other one is Billionaire Bot, we'll see with the monocle later, that one is Phil LaMarr. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Kif is launched toward the Anomaly.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': Now didn't we originally do this where he's being stretched and stretched and it's like "(groans)" and then all of a sudden in the middle of the stretch there's a "(sighs like Kif, goes back to groaning)." </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yah, it might even be in there, but the music is... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': May have over lapped it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': The dramatic music is, was deemed, and the stretching sound effect, were deemed critical to the moment, so. So we had to kind of weave in and out of the dialogue and the music and sound effects so people would definitely understand the stretching-ness of it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Was that another sock barrel where he burped and burned the guy's head? [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as Paris Hilton): That's hot. That's really hot. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Like when the Professor's... head was burnt. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': He burped, but he burped on the organic eye, so how come the eye still works? That, that was my big question. That kept me up all night. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Don't make trouble. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Kif and Fry meet next to the Anomaly.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': (laughs) I like this because Kif and Fry don't often have scene together when they show their true friendship. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': I like that they know each other. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': They do, yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': You know, enough to say "hi" in the middle of space. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': In the middle of space, yah. [BW and MM laugh] If you're gonna bump into somebody, have it be somebody you know already. </poem><br />
:''[Kif is getting pulled back into the Nimbus.]''<br />
<poem>'''MM''': And... he's boned. [MG laughs] </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Kif's juices land on the sandwich.]'' [people go "ew"]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as Zapp): Twidle di dit di... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': So we assume that Kif is tasty. What sort of flavour do you think comes with his green-ness? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Well... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Is that a vegetable kind of thing or...? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yah, you have like a green liquid or something the flavour is green. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Amy is on screen in a dress.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': Look at those legs! Look at those legs! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': I love that, I love that Hermes is wearing a kilt like as though there's something... something vaguely Scottish. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Why are you lookin' there, I was looking right where the focal point is. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Well you said "look at those legs." I... </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Not his, hers! I was looking at hers. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': I thought you were looking at something else besides the legs. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Look at the... yah! </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Look, she, look. All women are beautiful, so shut up. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Stop drawing Amy Wong so hot. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': It's a cartoon guys. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Stop doing it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as Zapp): Alright, sweetikens. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Wait, is the kilt a gay test or something? Did I just like, fail it. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''JJ and BW''': No. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Did I just fail the gay test? </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': No. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Not yet. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''' (as Jon Lovitz): I'm not gay. I'm also not on this show. Hello. Jon Lovitz and I've never been on Futurama. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as Jon Lovitz): And so what if I am. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Amy in her dress is onscreen.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': Huh? Look at this! That's the hottest funeral dress ever! EVER! </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': That is so... shot. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Kif's last picture is onscreen.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': That picture is so wrong. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': EVER! EVER! I'm sorry! That's so wrong. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as Paris Hilton in a jar): That's hot. That's really hot. That dress it hot. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Ugh, it's a cartoon! WHAT? Oh, yah. ''[Leo Wong sprays Kif's parents with a breath mint.]'' Kill 'em all. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Bender places a L.O.R. banner on Kif's jar.]'' [BW laughs] [JJ laughs]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This is one of my favourite scenes coming up with a ketchup bottle. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Did you see this before? Just kidding. [MM laughs] </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': You know, you hit it on the "57." That's where you hit it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's exactly right. The first time someone told me that I said like, "Aw, you hit it upward also. You hit it with an upward motion," right? You tilt the bottle down, hit... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Yep, right on the label. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': No, you tap it. You tap the, right about the "57." </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': As long as you hit it parallel to the "57" it works. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': If it's stuck in there, you tap the "57." </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': No, the first... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': I've been hitting it on the "56." [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': The first time someone told me that I said "Ah, that's, that's ridiculous." Then I tried it and ketchup went, a flood of ketchup poured out all over my plate. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Awh... "I got most of it." </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yep. Yep. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': But see, that's wrong. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': No, well, you tap it. You don't slam it. You were like, (in a slow minded kind of voice) "And 'den I, 'den I hit it, like 'dat! Douuuuuy." </poem><br />
<br />
[people laughing]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MG''': You gotta use a little English. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Nice language. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Don't suck. That's what I always say. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Didn't, ah, Tress cooked this up herself, this little song. Didn't she? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Ah, Eric Kaplan wrote that although Tress made up the melody on the spot. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Oh, did he? Okay. Okay, there it is. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Amy is onscreen again.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': Look at those ankles! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': That's what I meant. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Also, I gotta say. It was really funny 'cause Eric Kaplan dictated the nonsense words and then you, David, you wrote them, you were typing them up. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': You were sitting at the computer. It was very funny to me. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': And then Tress improvised the melody. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Correct. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Zapp hits on Leela.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': Slob. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': We've been waiting a long time for that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Amy's turnin' me on. What do I do, like what do I do? I call up Lauren Tom tonight and just say, "Hey, your work is really good." [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': That's ridiculous. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I really, uhh... I think Lauren Tom's acting in these scenes where she's sad is phenomenal 'cause she's delivering these jokes, but also she's crying. I love the line reading. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yah. It is. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[URL appears onscreen in the prison scene.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': URL! </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': But you made her look... (as Paris Hilton in a jar): ...hot. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[URL speaks.]'' [people laugh]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': That's so great. That voice is great, John. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''' (as URL): Yah, respect. "Look-a like-a freak." </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': I spent a lot of time on a very nerdy joke with those, the lasers on the cell. They're supposed to be the Tholian web lasers. [people go "Ooo"]</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': (gasps) Star Trek reference. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''' (in a awe-struck voice): I don't know what that means. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Play it back. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Leela puts on her "virtual eyes" glasses.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': I like that joke. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''' (at MG): That's right. You've never seen Star Trek. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Scene at Horse Repair store.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': Horse repair! (laughs) </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': I love it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''' (as Horse D'ourves Salesman from “Luck of the Fryrish“): No Horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay? (normal voice): Remember that? (as Horse D'ourves Salesman): Yah. Horse Burgers, Horse Dogs. (normal voice): That guy showed up earlier. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': He's like Iron Man. Is horse a funny word? Is that why we use it so much in this show? </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': I always laugh at how mad Bender gets when he has the wrong horse's name. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''' (as Bender): Come on, Lasty! </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Setting: LOR HQ.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Now, this is a question for Pete. Are there several portraits on the walls in this movie that I love. One is that horse we just saw, but the one I really love is this one you see in the background on the left there. You'll see better... </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': There's two here. There's Robot and Robbie is on the other side, but we have really nice Photoshopped paintings of him and I'm not sure if Robbie ever even shows up. He's on the design, but ah... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': And of course these are artistic renditions of... they're inspired by Robot. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Wait a minute. Is that... that's Robot from Lost in Space. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Yah, they're... probably the founders. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': But that's such a detailed painting, it's like... No one would put that effort into the background of a cartoon. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Nobody but me. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': What the hell is he thinking about doing to himself. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's the character played by Phil. Billionaire Bot, from the, uh... </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': “Raging Bender.” </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': ...“Raging Bender” episode. Exactly. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Yah, he was a wrestler? </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yah. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Bender politely asks for the human eye monocle.]'' [people laughing] :''[Bender smashes the eye under the shovel and it pops.]'' [people are disgusted]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Subtle joke there on the book cover. Has anyone here ever read Roberts... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': I've attempted it and yah... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': It is so boring and stupid. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': It is unbelievable. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': The idea that... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Until you try to run a meeting-</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Point of order. Point of order. I disagree. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': I second it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Is it that thick? </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': No. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': No, it's really not. It's probably... </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': I think it's kinda little. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Paper back-y, actually. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Is that like a black velvet painting back there? </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': It looked like it in that scene. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': I love Boxy. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Boxy robot is awesome. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Boxy, who never does anything quite right. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Spillin' stuff. It's beautiful. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Boxy's allegiance shifting to Bender there. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Setting: Fulcrum Prism.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''PA''': Here was a... another... in the script you wrote that this is a prism. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I love this. Another Smell-O-Scope. I was so excited when I saw that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': You called this thing, the ah... what is it called? Fulcrum Prism. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Fulcrum Prism. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Two puns in one title. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': One pun and then, you know, we have to decide whether are we drawing a prism or... [MG laughs] </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': You better! </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Attica! Attica! Attica! </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yah, check out the guy back there with the robot arm. Pretty cool. Bionic man. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': And he doesn't really do much, he's just looking. I love that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': I think that there were more prisoners in some of the earlier drafts, like more action... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Why was there no blood on the screw driver? </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': There all up in this scene. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Was there a reason for no blood on the screw driver? </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': It's the magic of cartoons. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Have we used up our bodily excretions quota? </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''' (as Professor): Pazuzu! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Oh, Pazuzu's back! </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Pazuzu. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I love Pazuzu. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Lee, what episode was Pazuzu in? </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Oh, no. I forgot. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': It was the... it was the one where they all got young. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Oh! </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's it! A... “Teenaged Mutant Leela's Hurtles.” That's it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Oh wait, I forgot I'm also Guard #2 here. [people laughing] Let me add that to my list of credits. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Mo, it's a tour de force today. Thanks. You were great. I wanted to thank you. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Thank you from the man who plays everybody! </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': No. When I saw the episode I said "That's Mo, that's Mo, that's Mo" and it's great. Now you'll get off my back. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Why you lousy mother father. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Some of it itches. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Professor speaks to Nixon's head.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as Nixon's head): No I don't, you hatchet head. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': I like those neck shackles. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Yep. I like that in the future you're attached by necks. [MG laughs] </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Fry floating through space.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': This is where you said to do the "death rattle." </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Oh yah, here it comes. Let's hear it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Cue the smoke. (laughs at the size of Yivo) </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': (does the "death rattle")</poem><br />
<br />
:''[Setting: Yivo first attacks Earth.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': I have to go to the bathroom. Can we take a break? [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Did he get that laser eye surgery? </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': That's awesome. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Look at that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Wow. That's so gross. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': I mean ,can you imagine how terrified you would be if this really happened in real life? </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Scaredy cat super hero. That's good. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''' (as Jerry Seinfeld): And that's what the show is about. It's a... (normal voice): oh, wait a second, I was also that guy. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This is basically where the monster movie aspect begins</poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': I'm gonna start pointing out my jokes. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''' (as Jerry Seinfeld): It's a show about how scared you'd be if this happened. [BW laughs] Who are these people? </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': We talked about the music earlier, but this music in this episode is Ting's Monster Movie Score. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': This is beautiful. He won't pay for colour. [BW laughs] </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Of course, 'cause it's gotta be in black and white. Oh, wait a second, I got to play Harold Zoid in this too. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': You did. We never found a convenient time to get Hank Azaria, sorry Hank, who played Uncle Zoid the first time so Maurice ably stepped into his shoes as Uncle Zoid. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': He should have a rotary instead. The rotary dial. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': That's right. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yah, yah Hank... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Yah, 'cause I temp'ed it. I remember temping it, but... </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yah, Hank. We'll call you. [DXC laughs] </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Here comes a shot that will just blow your socks off. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Oh, wow. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Are you socks still no? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Oh, wow. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': That, I love. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Lucky for you, they are 'cause I missed my pedicure. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': This took like two hours to do! [people laughing] It took [i]so[/i] long. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': How many crayons? How many boxes of crayons did this take? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': That's great. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This is one of the great shots, 3-D or otherwise, in Futurama history. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': I think the Simpsons writers are in jeopardy right now after that. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Setting: Zapp fighting Yivo while sitting in the diner.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': By the way, I love the layout of the next shot, this one that Zapp's in there... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': I mean, that looks tenticular up there in the sky like that. That is, ah... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': So, there's that incredible 3-D shot, but actually the layout is just perfect on that diner shot also to show that the, you know the scale of it in the sky and... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Yah! But the movement of those tentacles from that shot really, it looks as though that's a creature, I mean it looks live action. It made me want Sushi... Spok. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as Shatner): We're losing a plot point here. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': I think we decided they already watched, didn't they? I should commend Eric Whited, the guy who built that whole scene and also Chris Graham storyboarded that. You know, we know you just had the big fight in DVD one and so we wanted to do something different and the idea of doing that in one, man I would never... I would never have tried that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This is another staggering 3-D shot, by the way, they're just back-to-back here. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Oh my God, yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': David, what did you say, the amount of hours just to mix the sound? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Um... I personally was in the, was involved for about 80 hours. Same as DVD one though. It's just like, these have so much chaos and it's in surround sound and if that's, you know, there's much more time put into it by Peter Cole, the mixer and Travis Powers, the sound effects editor. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': And you haven't even started on the audio commentary. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yah! </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Good luck with that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': It's three weeks, three weeks of mixing... </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Sal is onscreen.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': This character became so popular as far as I can see when I read all kinds of stuff. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Sal! Everybody loves Sal. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yah.<br />
<poem>'''JD''': He adds "s" to everything. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': And makes everything a plural. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': But people are writing like that... you know? Like "I don'ts knows." </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''' (as Sal): Writings likes thats. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': By the way, one thing about that 3-D shot, going back to the tentacle, 3-D space battle shot and the subject of mixing the audio. The mixing is when we put in the music and the sound effects and try to get it all to work with the dialogue and still be funny, but dramatic. It's very difficult, it's much, it's so... it's one of those things where Peter himself said "People don't understand what he does for a living as the mixer. It's something that sounds easy because if you do it right you don't think about it, the music is setting the mood and the sound effects just seem to be what they are." </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Mhmm. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': "But if you do it wrong, then you notice. So it's a strange, very strange thing where if you do it right, people don't appreciate what you're doing. [people laughing] But ah... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': We should do a bad mix for one... one version. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Just so everyone will appreciate it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': But that space battle was easier to mix than almost any other shout because of the fact that Zapp Brannigan is talking the whole time. We had to just turn everything else down and not over do it so it actually made it easier, strangely enough because he was talking the whole time. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': I have an announcement to make. I'm grossed out. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yah, I was just thinking of how much my father's gonna be really disgusted at that part. He's gonn-... he will-... ugh! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': We're not talking about the movie, by the way. [people laughing] It's what's goin' on in here. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': It's what's goin' on in the room. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Randy appears.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yayyy, it's Randy again! </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Do you feel that the tentacle with Fry coming out of it reached the level of disgusting that you hoped for, David? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I think it exceeded the level I was hoping for. If I could I'd go back and take it back a notch. It's so horrible. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''' (as Randy): Finally! </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Actually I wouldn't. I love it just the way it is, but it's more disgusting than I envisioned it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': This was a hard performance with Fry because I had to make him sound coherent like he knew what he was talking about. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We put in some whip sound effects to make it a little more painful here. </poem><br />
<br />
.]''Morgan Proctor comes out of the Tube System..]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's Morgan Proctor. Originally played my Nora Dunn, although Tress took over the role for that three word line. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': And was that Fishy Joe, the last one? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Fishy Joe! </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Fishy Joe Gilman. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Who plays Fishy Joe, Maurice? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''' (as Fishy Joe): Why that would be my's truly. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yah, Horrible Gelatinous Blob was shown earlier, he didn't say anything though. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': I did not. Well I had already credited him. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Oh, did you? </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Scene where tentacles are chasing the crew into the Planet Express building..]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': You know, this whole sequence here, I really connect with this emotionally because this is every nightmare that every little kid has. There's something, something's chasing you and... and... </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': And it's pink! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': And it's pink. [people laughing] Okay, that's just my childhood then, I guess, I dunno. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': In your adult life. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': But, I mean, it's a viscera. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Professor is onscreen.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': Those glasses gave me nightmares. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': 'Lotta Theremin in the music in this episode. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': 'Lotta big words. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': And you see there... </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Leela aims at Fry's head with her gun.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': This is great! Awh, this is so cool. Women rule. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''' (distinguished, English accent): Unfortunately. Dear boy. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Leela pulls out a second gun in her other hand..]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': That's a good shot. Ohh, this is so good. I'm just gonna sit here and enjoy it. The hell with trying to be funny. It ain't working. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': This is a line that kinda sums up everything I know about Eric Kaplan. "Different from the Hollywood love story." This is his version of a love story. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': In Eric Kaplan's mind this is just a little bit different from a regular love story, yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Slight twist. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Did you ask him, like, "We want this show to be a love story and this is what you got?" </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': It's very Eric Kaplan-y again. He's not here to defend himself, but when Eric Kaplan does a script there's usually a romantic element and it's got some kind of observation about real life no matter how disgusting or ridiculous it is. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Farnsworth mentions Diamondillium.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We had to work hard on the names Diamondium and Diamondillium because we had other versions of them and then we got notes from the legal department at Fox that they existed... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Those products existed. </poem><br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': They had all these fake, you know, varnishes and things that are called whatever. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': See don't kill all the lawyers 'cause sometimes you need them if you wanna make a cartoon. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': I just think they make up as many words as they can and copyright 'em hoping to snag something every now and then. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': By the way, speaking of crazy words we just saw on an Internet news search that Fox has trademarked the word "Slurm"...</poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': That's right! </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': ...for use as any kind of a beverage. I have no idea if they plan to ever do that, probably not, but they've defended their trademark on the word "Slurm." </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': As long as they make a sugar-free Slurm I won't have a problem with that. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': And we're seeing the Slurm billboard in the background just doubly reminding me of that. </poem><br />
:''[We see the tentacle reaching from Fry's upper neck to lower spine..]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I love this shot. Look at that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Owh... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Ooh... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': I had that in the Navy. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That is the Mike Rose special. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': That's right. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That, that joke. It's amazing how often you can use that exact joke. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': And I wasn't ever even in the Navy. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Imagine how often you could use it if you had been in the Navy. It comes in handy in real life. Start thinking about places you can say "I had that when I was in the Navy" and you'll realize... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': You can also use it if someone has a long, funny sounding last name. You could say it right after that. Like, "What is your name?" "My name is Michael Metrokevich." "Oh, I had that in the Navy." [people laughing] Little party favourite for all the people watching. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': I always loved Morbo. He's like that 50's... what people thought aliens would look like. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I like that you say "Now we know better." Back in the 50's they were all wrong. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': That's right. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Amy and Leela begin aimlessly firing their weapons..]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I love it when people shoot guns for too long in cartoons. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': A little Tarantino here. [MG laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Kind of the second time we've done that also if you count the Pazuzu scene earlier. </poem><br />
:''[Land squid is onscreen.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Billy! That was Billy West starring as the Land Squid there. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Really? That was that... silly... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Well Billy works so hard. Billy, how hard do you work Billy? </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as MLK): When I works, I works hard. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Tentacle comes out of toilet.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': That, that, that disturbs... that disturbs me the most. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': (makes Land Squid noises) </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': The toilet shot? </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yes. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Because that can, that's our primal fear. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Everybody's worst fear. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yah, advice to parents who are potty training your toddler: don't show them this. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': This may not be the video to baby-sit them with. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as a small child): (makes fart noise) 'Scuse me. Sorry. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[The Funkalistics are onscreen.]'' [people laughing]<br />
<br />
:''[Leela drinks a Red Minotaur.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': Red Minotaur. I can't wait. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I just love the "talkin' 'bout the" 'cause that's in so many songs. (singing): Talkin' 'bout the thaang. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Well, they gotta remind you they're talking about it while they're talking about. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''' (singing): Talkin' 'bout the thaang. Talkin' 'bout the well well. It's my f... (laughs). Thank you Billy Clancy. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': My favourite is when they give out their sign. "My name is John DiMaggio and I'm a scorpion. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yess... yes! </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Here's a logical question: the Professor has obviously already been infected with the tentacle. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Yes. But we don't see it at all. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I don't see it. It must be down his shirt right now. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': And where, into the floor? I mean... </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yah, it's a lavaliere. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': To that I say, "shh." [people laughing] </poem><br />
<br />
:''[The Professor laughs after revealing his tentacle secret.]'' [people laughing]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': I love how happy this thing makes everybody. But, of course, they're being bred with, who isn't happy at that moment? </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': They said, "just be super happy and I've never seen the guy be like, unbelievably happy, so he just lost it. (laughs like the Professor) </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Wernstrum chases Leela and Amy.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': I like this shot. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Yes. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Yah, this is nice. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Oh yah, this... so you hear this rocking music that Chris Tyng composed. He did an earlier version that was less rocking and we said "we'd like it to be more rocking" and you'll hear that other, alternative... the alternate music you'll hear over one of the DVD menus as a very bazaar, strange, extra treat. You'll hear that cue over one of our menus and the alternate one over another one. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Everyone notice Leela's elbow talons there. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yes! She usually, ah... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': And the Hyper-Chicken advertisement on the bus. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''' (Mexican accent): Accidentes? (normal voice): What were those numbers by the way, those...? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Oh, that was the Greek letter Lambda. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': That's what I thought it was. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': 'Cause we don't... we can't show a real phone number and I hate "555," I passionately... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': 800-Lambda-Lambda-Lambda-Lambda-Lambda-Lambda-Lambda. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': You know they actually now are using 555 for some telephone numbers. It's not any longer, so they're not non telephone numbers. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Really? </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Colleen is brought to Fry.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': ...never happens in real life, so... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Dial-A-Joke. [people laughing] Wooord. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Really good performance by... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': And I would be that $6421 is a result of multiplying a bunch of 79 centses. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I think we did do that, but I forgot. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': We did. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I would have to check. We did? </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': We did. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We did, okay. So it divides evenly then. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Oh, man. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': I would be disappointed on this show if it didn't, David. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as a teen fan): Umm, on the commentary you guys said that you multiplied... there was one more that you missed which was at the top of the frame. [DXC laughs] </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Guess you could divide the total of the bill by 79 cents, figure out the total calls. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Let's figure out how many calls there were, yes. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as a teen fan): That's what I would have done. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Do... do we fact check that Pete? </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Uhh, I just wanna know who paid that for a futon. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': I could probably say that I have the record for the number of Dial-a-Jokes of person on Dial-A-Joke. Thank you very much. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': (clapping) Ohh... Mike Rowe, ladies and gentlemen. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Did you submit the jokes or did you actually read them in your voice? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': I read them in my voice as the comedian I once was... in the early 80's. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Can you tell us one of them? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Uhh... I bought a great book: The History of Crazy Glue. I can't put it down. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': So, I hope everybody out there appreciates that 'cause you would have had to spend 79 cents normally. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Oh, I got that joke! I want my 79 cents back. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Mike, Mike, you're an old soul. Man that's great. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': I like that. That's a good one. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': I think we all owe Mike 79 cents. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I think we do. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': If you only knew the half of it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': That'd be 4-... 34 and a half cents. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Now, of course, this being the horror movie segment of our production, we had to gradually reduce the number of people who are still, you know, left outside of the horror. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': And this is the night thing I was talking about. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Right. And Leela gets more and more isolated. Right now there's the three of them and it was the whole crew and now it's down to three and we wanted to gradually get down to the point where Leela was the last person, thinking person on it. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Zapp, Amy and Leela say please to Bender.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''CK''': I like this. </poem><br />
<br />
:''["My leg feels funny!".]'' [KK laughs]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': So we, a bunch of our robots I guess came from that Raging Bender episode. Destructor is also from that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': There was a joke there about, ah... "If you're lookin' for a leg rub, you're barkin' up the wrong Bender." </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Oh yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': That was cut. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Setting: In Destructor's leg.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': This is cozy. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This one of the few points, if maybe the only point, where our two stories come together. The monster horror story and the Bender story, until the big ending, of course. Kind of the cross over point of the story. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': But wouldn't the alcohol boil off and therefore would Bender not find it less satisfying? [people laughing] Just call me Nit-Picking Mo. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''' (as Paul Lynn): It's the future! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': That's space alcohol. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Seryan Brandy or something. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's like, the easiest way to make a Futurama joke, but also the worst is you take anything and put the word "space" in front of it. [people laughing] "I gotta go to the space museum." [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': I gotta go to the space bathroom first. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Your joke was better 'cause it had "bathroom" in it. It's half of a joke better. Hedonism Bot, Maurice LaMarche! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Yes. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': One of my favourite side characters. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Was that robot tweaking his own chest or something? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': He was! He was talking about how much he loved his nipples rubbed by sand paper. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Imagine the nerve of that thing? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Or, did... what did he call it... not sand paper. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Industrial sandpaper. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''' (as Hedonism Bot): Industrial sandpaper! [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Now wasn't Hedonism Bot blue at one time? Did he...? </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': He's... I think he's only solid gold. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': That was when he was trying erotic auto-asphyxiation. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': The idea is that he's made of solid gold and he weighs just a huge amount and that's why he crushed Boxy there. </poem><br />
:''[Setting: Abandoned soup cabin.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': So Matt, did we go too far with this love triangle here? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': No! Yes! [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': 'Cause it was, you know, big discussion in very early days of the series "should we have Zapp and Leela get together?" so to speak, but now we've made it much worse by complicating all of their... entangling all of their romantic lives. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Everyone has slept with everyone. Right? Kind of. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Just about. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Except for Zoidberg. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Much like the writers. [PA laughs] </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Zapp is talking to Amy.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': I love that we finally establish exactly where Kif came in the pecking order on the Nimbus. [people laughing] Fourth Lieutenant. I've been playing him as though he were, like, Second Officer... he's only the Fourth Lieutenant. Just happy to be on the Bridge alive. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This is really great acting, Billy. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Oh, thanks. (laughs) </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Listen to the delivery at the end here. </poem><br />
<br />
:''["Closer.".]'' [people laugh]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': I'd a slept with him. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as Zapp): I'll get you an agent in Hollywood, I promise. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': It's pretty much the same M.O. he used on Leela way back in season one of just being so pathetic and crying, yah. And it works for him. </poem><br />
<br />
:''["I was hoping you'd see it on YouTube.".]'' [people laughing]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': What's that on... what's that mounted on the wall behind them? A single... (laughs) </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': A single antler. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[The tentacles finally grab Zapp and Amy.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We really just wanted that to go on and on with the audience knowing exactly where it was gonna... </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': David, do you happen to know what that plunging noise is? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Ahh... no! I don't. Travis makes a lot of... Do you know, uhh, Lee, where, how, what they wet noise is that Travis provided? </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': You know, I'm not, but he always says it's real live things and all his sound effects are generated from real live things. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Oh. Eww... </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Professor and Hermes are playing a Pac-Man/Checkers game.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''LS''': Speaking of real live things, umm... the video game there, the Pac-Man, that's the actual Pac-Man body noise from the good folks at Namco. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Which is the first scratching that you ever heard before rap was around. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[The Professor defecates.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''CK''': Oeww... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Ohh... and that's, that's really... that part really grossed me out. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': And actually, the effort that went into that Pac-Man noise is much greater than you would expect. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Yah, I mean we, they wanted us... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': That's why we paid $100 000. [DXC laughs] </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': They wanted us to be sure to use the actual Pac-Man sound effects, so they sent me a sound file that had the video game with the sirens going off and the Pac-Man guy, and I, you know, told them jokingly that we'll just have to recreate it 'cause it wouldn't work... unless you guys have the original, you know, 1980 sound file of [i]just[/i] Pac-Man eating, uhh, which they e-mailed me a week later. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Oh my goodness, that's great. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': My father's gonna be so grossed out by this. (as his father): Oh! My son, what is this? What is this with the tenticle over here? I don't want the tenticle! He's scarin' me! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Your father? How 'bout my son? [people laughing] I gotta explain this to my son. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Oh, yah. That's right. :''[Zoidberg uses the comedy Pope Staff.]'' I love that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Yep. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''' (in deep voice): Oh, yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': You know, you write all the script and then that hundred year old slide whistle sound is the biggest laugh. [DXC and BW laugh] </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Well, along with... accompany by the visual of anything drooping. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I like how they have adorned Fry. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': That wastebasket on his head. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Fry reveals the monster's name.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': Now explain the name. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Uh, I wish Eric was here. I... in my... I can tell you my interpretation... I think Eric had some specific thing in mind, but I don't know exactly what it was. But I remember when I saw it my reaction of it was "Oh, it's kinda half-Jehovah and half-Tivo." [people laughing] So, that's how it is in my mind. I don't think... I think he had some deeper meaning for it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': I dunno, that's pretty deep, David. [DXC laughs] </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': What's the math on Colleen's shirt there? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Ah, yes. That is the, the upside down "A" is the mathematical symbol meaning "for all." So it says "For all x I love x." So it means "I love everything" in math language. :''[Yivo speaks.]'' There's David Cross! [people cheering] </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Very funny. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Yivo is shown speaking on the Jumbotron.]'' [people laughing]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''PA''': That's a great sequence, it's really cool how his voice... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': They came out with that pretty darn fast. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Those were the only children, I think... snuck through here. We were trying to avoid showing kids getting... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I love that bartender</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Oh yah, we did want to suggest that kids were involved in this billion person relationship, so... </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Especially when you find out... yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Especially when... yah, what's about to be revealed. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': So that why you'll notice... yah, none of the kids really are... </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Maybe they just look really young. And they're not kids. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': They could be little people. That's what they are. Yah, that's it! </poem><br />
:''[Yivo says "ow" after being kicked in Fry's face.]'' [people laughing]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MG''': Another "ow." </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Now this was a debate, what to... when Leela reveals what they're called, Genticles here. There was actually a brief debate. I remember "should they be called 'genticles' or 'genicles'"? Those were the two choices. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': No "gesticles" or...? </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Both... both are wrong. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Oh, speaking of genticles, that reminds me I forgot to point out, much earlier, but I'm going to bring this up because it's disgusting and on the same subject so it's worth mentioning therefore... Back on Kif's... at Kif's wedding on his home planet the father says "That was my left testicle," when Amy's mother squashes the bug on her neck editor, Paul Calder, raised the question "What was his left testicle doing on her neck at that point?" [people laughing] Anyway. That comment is about an hour late, but. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Go to deleted scenes. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': But still golden. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Another alien, Matt, who doesn't behave as a traditional sci-fi alien. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Yes. Yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': It's also interesting to know David Cross was on a Scooby Doo episode as himself. [people laughing] It's true. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as Scooby): Ravid Ross? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': And yet he was willing to take a step down to do Futurama. That was nice of him. Everyone is hovering now. It must have made the animation a big pain. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Or the camera work. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Everybody except who is hovering? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Is somebody not hovering? </poem><br />
<br />
<poem>'''PA''': There's somebody not hovering. Leela, of course. </poem><br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Oh, right. You're right. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Yivo is sucking up Kif and transporting him to Earth.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': Mmmm. (makes finger licking noises) </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We had David Cross in the studio making these, these like vomiting and constipating noises for like half an hour straight. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Welcome to my world. [DXC laughs] </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Yivo throws up Kif.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': This is... uh, yah that's... </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Nice! </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': My father: (as his father):"Oh! Ooohhhh!! [MG laughs] Why, he's gotta throw up the green guy for cryin' out loud." </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': But he'll watch Tough man competition. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Two hundred. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Oh yah. Forget about it. They're like, (as father):"John. What is this? I mean it's funny, but... ew! I didn't need to see that. The green guy comin' out his mouth, the whole thing. Ey, what is that then with the, everybody gets yanked over here, whoa! Look at this and they're all gone and all of a sudden it's nice and pretty and..." [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Wait, the super hero character didn't have hard enough skin. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': It's the future. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (rough voice): John, not for notin.'</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': The tentacles are made of electro-matter, Maurice. I think you've obviously forgotten the key fact. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': No, that's right. So even through plutonium molecular density it can pass. Well plutonium-like. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Shh! Maurice, you're on. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': So, I believe this setting is supposed to be the site of the Erin Bird duel across the Hudson River from Manhattan. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': I couldn't find any actual reference that wasn't like an 18th century engraving, but the board artist lives in Hapolken, so I guess he's right across from it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': So it's the Raymond Burr duel. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as Raymond Burr): I'm going to shoot you in the head and save your body. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Hedonism Bot sands his chest.]'' [people laughing]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': Here it is. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Everything's the nipples with this guy. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Where's the... the dinosaur, it went extinct since the other shot. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Where'd the Stegosaurs go? </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Zapp plays the message from Yivo.]'' [people laughing]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''CK''': I like the technology of the answering machine. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Yes. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': You can hear both the rewind and the old phone hanging up on that one message there. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Billy, do your phone machine rewind noises. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': (makes rewind noises) </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Wow. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Wow. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Billy West, ladies and gentlemen. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': That was for free, that one. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Three Eyed Zebra is the only opposed.]'' [KK laughs]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Dave Herman as the Zebra. How come Bender only got from six to seven during that entire White House scene? </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Slow counting. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Bender's shot continues through New New York. It vaporizes a patient of Dr. Adlai Atkins, leaving only an oversized wart..]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': This is great. [people laugh] </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Who knows who that character is? </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Oh... </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Uo know? </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Adlai? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Adlai! From the episode “The Cyber House Rules.” Leela's doctor boyfriend. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Who played? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Our... Dave- no... </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Tom Kenny. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Tom Kenny! You're right. Tom Kenny. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Ohh yah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Had no speaking role in this DVD. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': He's the funniest thing in pants, that tom Kenny. That Sponge Bob. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This is Carmen Miranda singing "I, Yi, Yi, Yi, Yi (I Like You Very Much)" from the movie "That Night In Rio." 1941. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Oh, it's so great. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Zoidberg is onscreen shaving off barnacles from his back.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': Ohh, (gags). </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Ohh, barnacles. </poem><br />
<br />
:''["Multiple scene" scene is onscreen.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Here's where we drove the animators crazy. "Jungle Boogie" by Cool and the Gang. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I love that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': This is actually, yah, 64 scenes all laid out as one. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[LoR spinning logo is onscreen.]'' [MM and BW laugh]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': Little tip of the hat to... Phil Doesur. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': So, basically, in two seconds of time... two times 64 seconds of animation. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': We're still trying to pay for that. That was a lay away scene. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Billy, you got a few bucks? [BW laughs] </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We didn't expect the... it to be so different, you know from one... we thought maybe this tenticle would be doing the same thing in each one, but... </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Yah, but... okay, so? The tenticle does the same thing and there's 64 other people who are doing... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Well that's easy. That's the easy part. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': We'll all chip in and pay for it though. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[M5438 speaks.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Alright, Billy. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Billy. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as M5438): Yes? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': M5438, I believe, is this character's name from episode 104. To prove that we did not put an effect on that: </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as M5438): He was the ball of light (normal voice): in that episode. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': It's coming out of your mouth and your nose at the same time-<br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as M5438): No it isn't. You're dreaming. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': W- where is it... well then what part of you is it coming out of? </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Don't ask. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as M5438): My chest. (normal voice): I have another mouth... down at the end of my oesophagus. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': His other mouth. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as M5438): It's fun to do that stuff. (normal voice): You know what I'm- I'm just doin' everything I did when I was, like, eight. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Can you do Fry? [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Fry is basically young you, right? </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yep. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Yah, you said that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yah it is. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Fry scrolls through his cell phone phonebook.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''PA''': Scruffy-Home and Scruffy-Cell. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Like he's ever anywhere else. Besides the closet. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Scruffy was in this episode at one point and if you check our deleted scenes you'll see the one place he once appeared. Unfortunately he's now... he was cut... he was left on the cutting room floor for time. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as Scruffy): Scruffy. Cheater. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Hyper-chicken was in this for a little bit, wasn't he? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yah, same. We just... everything just... we had too much of the monster attack segment, we just had to take some trims down. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': I did see him dancing in the Jungle Boogie scene there. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Oh, I'm in the, I'm in the Jungle Boogie scene by the way. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': You are? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I did not call for it, but just seeing it in the editing room I noticed that there's me in the bottom row. Did you know that Pete Avanzino? Or Claudia Katz? </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': No. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Either of you responsible? </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': I should know that, uh... </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': So everybody that's watching this, just go back there right now, we need a bathroom break. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': We'll wait. We'll wait, just scan backwards and we'll be here. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': We'll wait for you. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': You sure that wasn't our caricature of Fabio you're looking at? [people laughing]] </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I like the Hot Pocket joke coming up. The reaction by Zoidberg. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Aforementioned gag takes place.]'' [people laughing] </poem><br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That off-screen stuff by Zoidberg replaced an old joke. The Hot Pocket used to visibly hit a copy of Life magazine and the joke was too subtle. We decided that Bender throwing this thing at the concept of life, the abstract concept. It was way too subtle and didn't make any sense. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Oh, I got it. [DXC laughs] </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': I got it now that you explained it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yep. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Well, we at Mensa, you know... don't have any problems with that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': However, we at Densa do. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Psht, Densa! (laughs) </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': For those of you with an IQ below 90. Join us at Densa. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Our final guest star, Dan Castellaneta, the voice of Homer Simpson, coming up. He is so funny. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yes. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Is he working? [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': You know, a weird thing was the day we were working on the audio for this DVD I was driving to the mixing studio and I turn on the radio and Dan Castellaneta was on the radio on a morning show talking about an album of his called "Two Lips" and they played a song from it that is great and I recommend it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': It's his Beatles, kinda tribute. It's great. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Oh, yah. You know... is it a sound track that's out? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': It's out! "Two Lips." T-W-O Lips. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': I'm gonna get it. Cause his work is just beautiful. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': So we almost let this go by. Bender's son here. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': It turns out Bender has a son. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's a huge revelation in the history of the series. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Or had a son. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's one of those things you discuss for hours. Can Bender have a son? I don't know. [people laughing] If he does have a son can he kill him the second we find out about it? Like, we really... we could spend days, and we do, worrying about things like that. Then it happens in final form, it happens in five seconds and you just laugh at it. All the suffering we put into it is gone. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': 'Cause even if though, even though we killed him we didn't kill him. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Well that was just his first born son, right? [MG and DXC laugh] </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Can I ask a science question? The wooden rocket there, the wooden pod. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Right. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': What would happen to that was, you know, really going on? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Uhh, let's watch and see. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Okay. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': A very scientific answer. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I mean, if it, if there was no air pressure inside I think you'd be alright. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': You could build a wooden structure that could withstand the vacuum of space, couldn't you? Thick walls? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I could. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': With hard wood. No pine. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': I have to point out, I love the headless body of Agnew. Every time it makes me laugh. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': (groans like Angew) </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': I like he's got like a sewer cap on his neck. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': The great taste of Charleston Chew! I love that joke. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': That's him saying he likes you too. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This is the second time, yah we've done that joke, even the Charleston Chew fireworks, before. That's a standard part of presidential celebrations in the future. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': It's Charle-... the great taste of Charleston Chew. I like the chocolate on chocolate. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': I'm with you John. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I... I do. I'm a big fan of Charleston Chew. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': And frozen. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': And frozen! You gotta freeze it. Freeze it and then crack it! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': What a shot! </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': That was a cool shot. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': How many, how many robots in this shot? </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Virtually thousands. [DXC laughs] </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': How many literally? </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Maybe like eight distinct robots. [DXC laughs] Repeated over and over and over. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This was a really nice thing Eric Kaplan did here. We had some big speech here at one point and Bender had this grand thing and Eric Kaplan pointed out that we really should just make it more petty and how Fry wouldn't spend more time with him going back to, you know, just their relationship. I think it's so much funnier with Bender just assembling this huge army for the most childish and petty reasons and not about the whole "Earth doing things that robots don't care about," but just about him and Fry. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': This language was killing me when we were recording this. "Shklee. Shkler. Shklim." </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I wonder if we have the tape of that. It took, I remember it took like 50 takes of to get a straight read through that. And no one comment on the no "Shclit" there? I'm happy that no one did. So no... please. Nobody even raise the subject of that. [MG laughs] </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Okay.<br />
<poem>'''CK''': What? </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Shcragree. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': I won't. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': It's best not to talk about it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': A shclare world. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I love this music here, again. And maybe I'm saying that too many time, but... </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Residents are shown leaving Trisol on the elevators.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': "My Three Suns" reference. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yes, from the episode "My Three Suns." This is from... these are all... </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': "A Clone of My Own." </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Take it to say. All of them. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Amazon... women. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC'': "Take it to say?" That doesn't make any... take it, uhh... without saying. These are all from previous episodes of Futurama. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Petunia is speaking.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': One thing we learned on the Internet is that Nutley's actually quite nice. Actually near where I grew up, in fact. But it's a town in New Jersey. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': (laughing) It's a condition. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': A funny sounding... By the way, Nutley? I had... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Home of Hoffman La Roche Pharmaceuticals, if I'm not mistaken. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': That's right. You're very correct. That's my... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Nutley, by the way, I had in the Navy. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': My mother dated a guy that used to work at Hoff... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Hoffman La Roche, my uncle in law. My uncle in law? Was one of their scientists. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Nice. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': They had to kill him. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Yah. Invented Desenex, actually. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Here's a logical point that only occurred to me just in the last couple of days: how did, how come these seemingly mechanical escalators work through the anomaly? </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': They're organic. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Well, yes. They come from the electro... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Pete is correct. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Bone matter. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': And Lee will back me up on this. I thought that and I said like "Oh, what am I going to say when the fans ask why the escalator works?" and I'll say "The escalator is made of living tissue." </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Not buying it. [people laughing] Nice try David X. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Yah, what about the zipper on Fry's jeans? </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': That's what I wondered about. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Well that's not mechanical... </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': It's metal. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': It's metal, but it's not electrical. You know what I mean... he would just get... </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Yah, 'cause his space suit shouldn't have gone through. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': He would just suffer a lot of severe shocks to the groin, but it wouldn't cease functioning. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Robot 1-X! </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': What were... Mike what were you going to say something there? </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': And that's happened to him before. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': No, no. Not in mixed company. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Setting: The Crew bounding around on Yivo.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''LS''': All of the sounds effects of the folding of this have to be like rubber. Everyone's walking on clouds for like the next five minutes or so. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Sounds like fun. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Beautiful. The colours. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This is the writers attempting to cover their rear ends here, like "Why does it look so much like Heaven?" So hence this explanation here. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': You're trying to say this isn't heaven though? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I'm saying... </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': You're explanation says there is no Heaven and the artists have been painting a tenticle monster for the last 500 years. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Jakabirds land and eat parasites.]'' [people laughing]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': It could look like this, I'm just saying that, you know, we don't know for sure. There's a good chance. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[A field of Tulip rooms is onscreen.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''LS''': Speaking of tulips. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': It turns out you get your own tulip apartment. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We had to pick a real recognizable colour for this paper so that the ending would make sense. So, hence the lovey-dovey pink colour. </poem><br />
:''[Fry's note as a paper airplane flies around NNY.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Fry has good aim, by the way, when he throws a paper airplane, doesn't he? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': [laughing] Yes. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Hey, it's the... </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Well pink is a real aerodynamically friendly colour. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': ...it's the Mafia bots. You see the Mafia bots sitting there on the street corner? </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': It says Heaven. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (whispering): John, John. There's no Mafia. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': There's no Mafia bots. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': There's no Mafia. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Sorry. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': How come Fry's return address is Heaven? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': How come Fry's return address is written at the same place where the letter must be written? [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': That's cold hearted, man. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Don't think about it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (deep voice): I didn't, I didn't say 'notin.'</poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Go with the flow. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Hey, Mike. What time is it? </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Three o'clock. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Aw, you blew it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Why? </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': You're supposed to go three and I go "o'clock?!" [people laughing] You know you're losing when you're explaining stuff. Joe Biden, 1989. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Alright, this has to be Heaven. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Ah, credit to my old friend David Sheminovich, an astrophysicist at Columbia for providing this blackboard which has about five different jokes beyond the scope of this commentary. [MG laughs] </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': I only got like three of them. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': It involves the Mersenne Primes and some music references, so go nuts, fans. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': David, what was your friend's name? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': David Sheminovich. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Oh, I had that in the Navy. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as party pooper executive): So how did, like, the blackboard get through the Anomaly? Wait, I'll figure it out. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Ah, there's, for you freeze framers out there who also like to see Zapp's anatomy, I noticed that there's about two frames where you can see full rear nudity on Zapp. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Wa haa... </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Two and a half frames. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Not right there I think it was a minute ago. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': You know, the, when it came back from Korea you could see him full and they drew like a black box floating on... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Is that true? </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Yah, so we just kinda shuffled the levels so he stays behind them. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as Zapp): Only a dream until now. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': There is a scene where Zapp is sliding down the stairs earlier when they're on the run through the city when it's him, Leela and Amy and Zapp trips and slides down the stairs on his rear end, there is a scene where it seems like you could see his front side, his business, but there's nothing there so I don't know. Maybe the skirt is actually just long enough, I'm not sure. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': It seems like you guys are spending a lot of time looking. [DXC laughs] </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': In the course of doing the sound you basically end up freezing it at every part of the video at some point, so you end up seeing things that weren't meant to be seen. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': That's bad, 'cause you see a lot of drawings that you shouldn't freeze frame onto. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': There's one shot coming up here inspired by Pirates of the Caribbean II. This shot. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Right here? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yes. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Kraken. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Thank you for making me watch that. [DXC laughs] </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yivo really has it all, 'cause he can talk perfectly well, but now he chooses to just do these lion roars or whatever. So I guess, again if I had to explain, this must be the mouth he talks out of when he's doing the Heaven voice when you hear that big booming version of his voice, I guess it's that beak, right? Uhh... that right, John? </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I guess. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': No-.. again, no shrugging on audio commentaries. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I guess it is. I guess you're right. [MG laughs] I wasn't there when David recorded. But the, but... </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': You woke John. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yah. It's alright. I just liked the noise I made when I pulled the sword out of my mouth. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': I've never... have you guys ever worked with a mouth chart for a tenticle before? Where he's talking and saying syllables and all that? </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': We had to make a mouth chart, right Pete? </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Yep. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I mean this must... obviously you have these huge scale issues with, you had to relate this character the size of a planet to normal people. I guess the solution is have the tenticle do the acting. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': That's always worked for me. [KK laughs] </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Well you have to have them looking at each other and Yivo turning away from Fry. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Yivo putting people on Bender's ship is onscreen.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''LS''': These are 3-D people. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': There were 3-D people getting on those escalators before also. I forgot to point out. Unbelievable. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': I saw myself on that boat! [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''' (comedy club announcer): Mike Rowe, ladies and gentlemen. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Did you have that boat in the Navy? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Actually, as you were saying that the word "gonorrhoea" was being said. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': I know, the one time. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': The "straight line" was being said. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW'' (under voice): Going, going, gonorrhoea. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Billy, do Tony Bennett waking up on the panel in the middle of the Mike Douglas Show. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as Mike Douglas): Hey, hey Tony. (as Tony Bennett): I don't know about that, but that Ray Charles is the greatest. [people laughing] (normal voice): He fell asleep-... ah, this is ancient history, I'm not even gonna go there. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': People are goin,' "Who's Mike Douglas? Who's Ray Charles?" </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Man, this is... that just remind me of really scary Japanese anime porn. This scene right here. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Just this scene? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Oh, wait! Speaking of which. We never discussed the meaning of the title "The Beast with a Billion Backs." </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yes. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Let's talk about that. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': But, uh, many people credit it to Shakespeare, the phrase "the beast with two backs" referring to the act of love making. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Is that Shakespeare of Karma Sutra? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': But, I checked on the Internet, it was used at least as early as 1532 by Rabelais, French writer in "Gargantua and Pantagruel." But it seemed from its usage to have already existed at that time, so apparently not coined by Shakespeare as is often... </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Blah. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': You mean "the beast with two backs." </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's right, "the beast with two backs."<br />
<poem>'''MR''': Also a reference to Joan Rivers. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I thought she had one of those surgically removed? </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as Joan Rivers): They need to add another television channel so I can be somewhere. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Where's Tress MacNeille when you need her? </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as Joan Rivers): Melissa, go to him, he's a doctor. [DXC and JJ laugh] </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Zapp's gotten punched in the stomach twice also. Two, twice in the stomach and one in, and well, twice in the face, but they were simultaneous punches to the face. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': It's about time. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': So that's also a sock thing? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Uhh... I think... I call that one a runner as I feel he's been deserving it all throughout</poem><br />
<br />
:''[Enema Bot gets everybody's attention.]'' [people laughing]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That peg leg sound effect is so crummy. We intentionally used it 'cause it's just such a clatter, wooden sound. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Enema Bot with the little hat looked like Squidly Diddly. [people laughing] Look! </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': And we just wanted to see Enema Bot again, so he's the first mate now. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': First coffee mate. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This speech here is our biblical reference. We always have one, right? To First Corinthians, Chapter 13. It's often used at weddings and it was used at my wedding. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Mine too. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': My next wedding. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Used when I was in the Navy. [people laughing] </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Credits begin to roll.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''BW''': I know those guys. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Good work everyone. And check, hey cast members, check it out cast members</poem><br />
<br />
:''[Arrayed voiced characters credits appears.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MM''': Oh, wow! </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': This surprised me. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': So there was no need for me to read all my characters. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': No, there's not. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': See! The joke's on you now! </poem><br />
<br />
:''[JJ's credits appear.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': There you go. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We always wanted to do this and we never had time 'cause it's always such a rush at the last minute... </poem><br />
<br />
:''[Tress MacNeille's credits fill the screen.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MG''': Ooooh! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Yess! She's everyone in the world. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Woow! </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': See. And actually there's a few characters that don't even... </poem><br />
<br />
:''[MM's credits appear.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''MG''': Oooh! </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': See Mo? See that? Freeze frame that. Mo, look at it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': There you go. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Wow. Thank you. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': You did a good job, man. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': And I gotta boast here. Editor Paul Calder and I did these in Photoshop ourselves the last day before handing this over to Fox. Just by taking snippets from the movie. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': They look good. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[David Cross' credit appears.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': That's cool. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': Do I get my picture for commentary? [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Well now it's, now I just say "Just buy the DVD" when they go "Who'd you play in it?" "Buy it. Watch it. Go to the end. Stay with it." </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': But it's really overwhelming when you see them all at once and there's actually a couple extra characters that didn't even make it into the picture, like Guard #2, Maurice. Your favourite. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Guard #2 was not there, I have to say it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I don't think Randy was on there. </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': But you've got Photoshop so you can fix it. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Was Randy on there, I don't think... </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Um, Randy is John. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': He is? </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Upper right um, look a little more carefully next time. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Ah. Oh! Sorry! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Recording Facility: The L.A. Studios. Where we are right now! </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (to the rhythm of the theme): Time, time. For, for. Fut-, fut-, -urama. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW and MM''' (to the rhythm of the theme): Time, time. For, for. Fut-, fut-, -urama. </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Oh, you guys. This is the extended remix, but you guys did the regular length sing along. </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': That was fun. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': (whistles the same as the alternate intro for Spanish Fry) </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Another great commentary. </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Excellent. </poem><br />
<br />
[people cheering]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''PA''': The next movie coming out, we believe Holidays... '08. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as Paris Hilton in a jar): That's hot. [MM laughs] </poem><br />
<poem>'''LS''': Only have to wait another six months. </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''' (as Paris Hilton in a jar): Thank you. That's so hot. </poem><br />
<poem>'''PA''': Let's do the... can I do the laugh and clap? [begins clapping] [people laughing] </poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': (does cricket sounds) </poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Carbon neutral! </poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yayy! </poem><br />
<poem>'''MM''': Sit, Booboo, sit. </poem><br />
<br />
:''[L.O.R. logo pops up.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yah, that should definitely be a t-shirt. </poem><br />
<poem>'''CK''': Nice. Definitely.</poem><br />
<br />
{{navigation bottom/transcript<br />
|prev=Bender's Big Score<br />
|next=Bender's Game<br />
|iscommentary=yes<br />
}}</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Table:Commentary_transcripts&diff=52498Table:Commentary transcripts2009-12-21T16:40:41Z<p>Mini-Me: /* Discussion */</p>
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<div><!-- do not remove this. --><br />
{{conference table thread}}<br />
<!-- Please always sign your comments with four tildes --><br />
<br />
== Discussion ==<br />
I have noticed there are only [[Episode Commentary Listing|commentary]] [[Episode Transcript Listing|transcripts]] for [[Season 1]] and [[The Beast with a Billion Backs]] for now. The not-created ones should be started. But I know it is hard to write a whole transcript. {{User:TheFry/sig}}21:17, 16 December 2009 (UTC)<br />
:What do you think? Are you here? I hope so. {{User:TheFry/sig}}18:15, 17 December 2009 (UTC)<br />
::Like most of the incomplete things, we're just waiting for someone to get around to it. Transcripts can be a little tedious, especially when you have trouble identifying the speaker, which is one of the reasons they haven't been completed. - [[User:Quolnok|Quolnok]] 08:37, 18 December 2009 (UTC)<br />
Yep, I can think on that. Writing all the speakers, what they say and other things... OK, then the transcripts should wait for now. {{User:TheFry/sig}}15:19, 18 December 2009 (UTC)<br />
:I can lend an ear if the speaker is unknown in any case. I listen to them often enough that I know who's speaking most of the time. I'm just furthering my useless talents. -[[User:Mini-Me|Mini-Me]] 15:41, 21 December 2009 (UTC)<br />
::So you mean you can complete some of them? {{User:TheFry/sig}}16:13, 21 December 2009 (UTC)<br />
:::I can, but have only recently had the time. I've amended some of Svip's completed transcripts, but haven't started any (besides the BwaBB one). -[[User:Mini-Me|Mini-Me]] 16:40, 21 December 2009 (UTC)</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Transcript:Commentary:I,_Roommate&diff=52497Transcript:Commentary:I, Roommate2009-12-21T16:38:06Z<p>Mini-Me: Fix'ns</p>
<hr />
<div>{{transcript infobox<br />
|episode=I, Roommate<br />
|thanks to=Svip<br />
|prev=The Series Has Landed<br />
|next=Love's Labours Lost in Space<br />
|iscommentary=yes<br />
|participants=<br />
*[[David X. Cohen]] (DXC)<br />
*[[Matt Groening]] (MG)<br />
*[[Gregg Vanzo]] (GV)<br />
*[[Eric Horsted]] (EH)<br />
*[[Rich Moore]] (RM)<br />
*[[Bret Haaland]] (BH)<br />
*[[Billy West]] (BW)<br />
}}<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Matt Groening]]''': Hello everyone, and welcome back to another audio commentary of ''Futurama''. This is Matt Groening.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Eric Horsted]]''': I am Eric Horsted, writer and co-executive producer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Billy West]]''': This is Billy West, I do some of the voices on ''Futurama''.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Bret Haaland]]''': I'm Bret Haaland, a director.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Gregg Vanzo]]''': I'm Gregg Vanzo, supervising director.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[David X. Cohen]]''': David Cohen, executive producer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Rich Moore]]''': And Rich Moore, supervising director with Gregg.</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Yeahp.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': This is the third episode in the series. And this is the series that&ndash; had a trouble beginning&ndash; with the Fox Network, who felt that the show was too outrageous and too much out of space. This was our attempt, the third episode, to bring the show back to Earth.</poem><br />
:''[Fry is pouring some Bachelor Chow.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Bachelor Chow, Matt. One of your earliest ideas for the show, I believe.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Well, I think that's a good idea&ndash; I always wanted to have Bachelor Chow right now and so&ndash; this was&ndash; Anyway, the network really&ndash; really was freaked out by the show, the suicide booths&ndash; and lobster creatures and Bender being so anti-social and so&ndash; yeah, this was our show to tone things down. This script was written specifically to their specifications. And their reaction, David?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': "Worst. Episode. Ever."</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Yeah, they really&ndash; they really hated this script, and &mdash; sorry, Eric &mdash; and this was the point at which, we decided we wanted to the show that we wanted to do. Their notes made no sense anyway, they're completely contradictory. And so&ndash; we did what we wanted.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I've heard a lot of people say that they like this episode, 'cause it is a little more down to Earth and it made people care a little more and think about the characters and Fry and Bender.</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': Yeah, have to admit, it was one of my favourite episodes. I like that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': I basically had fun drawing Fry's butt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': We all do.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': So, Billy West, you're talking to yourself in this scene as Fry and the professor. Where did these voices come from?</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Well, you guys showed me the drawings originally, the model sheets of each character and he was like&ndash; you could tell he was dottering and rickety and I even acting him that way, and he's got a little Wizard of Oz in him and little this or that. When you fuss them...</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': It's funny, when we are in the studio, you do sort of take on the characteristics &mdash; physically &mdash; of the voice you're doing.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': I don't know if that's the way to do things, but I have always thrown myself &mdash; like totally &mdash; into it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Why aren't you answering my questions in the voices of the characters?</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Can I do it again? [Professor voice] Well, the professor sounds like this. It is all rickety and he has a race of superhumans. [normal] And Fry&mdash;</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Too late; too late.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yeah, okay.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We all know what he sounds like!</poem><br />
:''[''All My Circuits'' is on TV.]''<br />
<poem>'''BH''': This is the first episode we get to see Calculon. Yeah, that's pretty exciting.</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': Television history was made.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's Maurice LaMarche as Calculon. He is always really funny, whenever he goes into that role.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': He's one of the greats, though.</poem><br />
:''[Fry and Bender are sitting in the sofa.]''<br />
<poem>'''GV''': I&ndash; I had a rather peculiar perspective on this setup, I was trying to get a little bit of depth. And this one worked out a little better. In these early episodes, we are all trying to nail the characters as best as we can. Particularly Leela.</poem><br />
:''[Shot of Leela.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yeah, I can see she has changed a little bit since that picture.</poem><br />
:''[Fry is talking.]''<br />
<poem>'''BW''': That Fry voice is 25-year old me. ''[laughter]'' No, I mean it really-- pretty much what I sounded like, I think, back then.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': [episode] We'll bill you for the couch.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That line, I remember, the astute viewer may have noticed that Hermes' lips were not moving at all there. I remember, "this seems kind of quiet", we wanted him to say something, but we had already exhausted our animation budget, so we just said, "yeah, whatever".</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Who's gonna notice?</poem><br />
:''[Fry and Bender are at the Food-o-Mat.]''<br />
<poem>'''BH''': This was a very difficult sequence to draw, because of the rotating beverages and the number of Martini glasses and the cutting and the&mdash;</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': And it comes in many other shows later on too.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': And you mean, by number of Martini glasses that made it difficult, you mean the number that was on your desk, when you&mdash;</poem><br />
:''[They laugh.]''<br />
<poem>'''BW?''': There are&ndash; are subliminal things you put in a scene like this or am I imaging things?</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Oh, no, no.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW?''': This wasn't one of them.</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Too many late hours to have any extra time...</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': ...To get clever.</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': It's a good looking cake.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': I have to say Bender is the greatest character, to me he was like the breakout character, because he was&ndash; he could get away with doing all the stuff that you are not supposed to see on TV, because he's a robot. Smoking and drinking, debauchery.</poem><br />
:''[Bender is showing Fry his apartment.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I'm not gonna go into the formal to this question, but the nerdiest computer-iest viewers might wanna look up Bender's apartment number in the ASCII-chart. That's right, you heard me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': This was probably the best shot to describe how small Bender's apartment was-- the aerial downshot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': You know, it's really hard in animation to do a confined space, and this&ndash; that's really good.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': [episode; sleep talking] Kill all humans.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': First use of "kill all humans", perhaps?</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': And not the last.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This conversation always sticks in my mind as one of the most memorable early sequences.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': [episode] Where is your bathroom?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': [episode] What-room?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': [episode] Where's your bathroom?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': [episode] Bath-what?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': [episode] Bathroom!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': [episode] What-what?</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Little nuances, little body language. Details.</poem><br />
:''[Bender is whistling inside that Planet Express building.]''<br />
<poem>'''RM''': On the studio, we called that "snappy whistling".</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yeah, but how's able to whistle? Is there like a whistle-chip in there or somewhere?</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': This is some of the early drawings of the Planet Express ship, we didn't have any 3D to work off, so we&ndash; we faked a lot of this.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': You're gonna redo it though, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Yes, sir!</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Yeah, this'll never be on the DVD.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Things I like about this is the story telling is a little more linear than on The Simpsons, and I think we decided to do that early on, because the setting is so fantastic, and&ndash; science-fiction-y, that&ndash; we really tried to tell a story straight through, and I think it really helped the show's lifespan.</poem><br />
:''[Close up of Leela.]''<br />
<poem>'''GV''': Oh, this is a bad drawing. ''[laughter]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': There's enough distractions, you know, to keep you away from noticing.</poem><br />
:''[Fry is laughing with Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''RM''': Fry's stomach!</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yeah, exactly.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': I think we see more of Fry's stomach in this show than any other episode.</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': Watch Fry's belly grow throughout this episode.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': And this guy's belly is sticking out, also.</poem><br />
:''[They are in the underwater apartment.]''<br />
<poem>'''BW''': Is the residence guy John DiMaggio too?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yeah, that's John DiMaggio.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': And he's also the voice of Bender?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yeah, the "apartment manager" here, actually.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': He does a great slob, you know.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Yeah, I've seen it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': This is my favourite background coming up.</poem><br />
:''[In Escher's Relativity apartment.]''<br />
<poem>'''BW''': Wow...</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Inspired by?</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': Escher.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Escher?</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': M.C. Escher.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Or "Esckey" as we call him.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Landlord''': [episode] No catch. Although we are technically in New Jersey.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Woah-</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': Never prouder.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': The New Jersey bashing begins, resuming in episode 9, probably a few other ones here and there. Episode 8, also. I think we were the first to come up with the idea with bashing New Jersey, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': Yeah, absolutely.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hattie''': [episode] Dr Mbutu collected this crap while he was exploring &ndash; what you call it? &ndash; universe.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': I love Hattie, she's a great character.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Oh, Tress MacNeille, yeah.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': With the lazy eye.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': That cast on her face.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': Even her cleavage line is wrinkly.</poem><br />
:''[''The Odd Couple'' inspired montage.]''<br />
<poem>'''BW''': Nice touch with the music. Earlier, that was little musical interlude that sounded retro-y like on ''Bewitched'' or one of those shows.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Christopher Tyng, our composer, really has come up with a lot of great music for the series.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Can I admit something? I have never seen ''The Odd Couple''. Really, I haven't.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': You haven't? Then we also made up that cigar joke that you're seeing.</poem><br />
:''[Laughter]''<br />
<poem>'''MG''': No, I noticed that everybody was howling with laughter at the animatic, so I assumed that this was a dead on parody.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': Well, not exactly.</poem><br />
:''[Bender crushes a chair.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Who was it&ndash; I remember someone being very upset that that nice chair was getting squashed. Does anyone remember who that was? One of the designers, I think.</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Tom Gammel?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Oh Tom Gammel, one of the writers. So he appreciated furniture, he really didn't like seeing it crushed like that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Noo&ndash;</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': I don't understand, it's a nice chair. Come on!</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': The beautiful drawing of a beautiful chair.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': Perfectly good chair!</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Well, by that logic...</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': The whole thing doesn't make sense.</poem><br />
:''[Fry is standing in front of the door, welcoming the others.]''<br />
<poem>'''GV''': I notice Fry is fairly thin there, he'll get quite a bit thicker later on.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': Oh yeah.</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': Oh the early days.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': There is an image that's kind of vivid in my mind.</poem><br />
:''[Amy falls.]''<br />
<poem>'''GV''': We pulled frames on that, because we wanted really fast and violent.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Professor''': [episode] Zevulon the Great. He's teriyaki style.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Zavulon is a reference to my college roommate, Zef. How's it going, Zef?</poem><br />
:''[Fry is fixing the TV.]''<br />
<poem>'''BH''': Okay, Fry's belly is a little bigger.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': In one night...</poem><br />
:''[TV goes on and off as Bender leaves and enter.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': The viewer gets a lot of chances to figure out what's going on in this sequences going...</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Bummer...</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': One little goof we made in the history of the series, is involving LöBrau beer, because when Fry first got frozen, in 1999, he had a LöBrau beer in his hand, but when he woke up, he has often subsequently seen drinking LöBrau beer. I guess might not be a mistake, it just survived for a thousand years. One of the carefully planned things in the series was the success of LöBrau beer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': The recipe has been in our family for several generations.</poem><br />
:''[Hattie is trying to find the source of the interference.]''<br />
<poem>'''MG''': Buster Keaton said in an interview, that the audience loves a slow thinker.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': And it applies to almost everybody in the scene.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Lady''': [episode] They're on my phone too.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': [episode; on phone] That lady's got a huge ass.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's great.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': My favourite line right there.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': So, Eric Horsted, you should this script to a bounce of school children the other day &mdash; this is true&ndash; this is true &mdash; as a little inspirational talk how you can get a career writing. How did this "ass" part go over?</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': It actually hasn't happened yet. It's happening on Friday.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': How do you envision it will go over?</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': I think there will be lots of giggling and appreciation of the fine achievement in writing that's occurred here.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': What style of animation is this? I know that there are traditional like cell drawing, hand painted stuff.</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Aoh, well. Does anyone know?</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': This is like a different&ndash; this is like a departure from all that stuff, isn't it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Well, yeah, do hand drawing, and then there is digital painting in this show, as opposed to ''The Simpsons''.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Yeah, that's what I meant like hand painted cells and that, but those have been pretty much replaced?</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Ah, yeah, pretty much. It's almost the same process, but it's all digital now, also.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': So the initial drawings are by hand, but the colouring by computer? That's a good summary?</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Yeah, exactly. There you go. And then we have the additional of the all the 3D elements, that we do there. The more realistic elements, which are not in this show too much, though. In other episode.</poem><br />
:''[Leela is talking to Fry in the door way, wearing her green jacket.]''<br />
<poem>'''BH''': This is one of the&ndash; earlier jackets that Leela had, I think all tend to favour her pilot jacket a little more, in a later episodes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Kinda looks like a little petty coat.</poem><br />
:''[Bender enters his empty apartment.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': The shadow there. How comes the light in front of him, and the shadow in front of him?</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': That's the future for you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Could have been a brighter ball behind him somewhere.</poem><br />
:''[Bender zooms in on Fry's skin flakes.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This was tricky, I remember. Show these microscopic things, and thank God for Bender's focus out eyes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': This is just difficult to pull out for drunk Bender.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': [episode] Look at that five o'clock rust.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': It's easy for us to write "five o'clock rust" in the script. It's easier than for you to draw.</poem><br />
:''[Bender is lying in the sofa.]''<br />
<poem>'''GV''': We actually broke a rule here, as we actually never supposed to bend Bender's neck. But it looked kinda funny and sad and pathetic, so we did it anyway.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': It looks funny. </poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': We gotta abolish that rule.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': [episode] You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': What's he getting at?</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': The joke behind that is...</poem><br />
:''[Bender in foreground facing camera, with Leela behind him trying to convince him.]''<br />
<poem>'''GV''': Originally, we had a little tick in Bender's eye, but that was too distracting. So we cut it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': I love the sound effects on that fast running.</poem><br />
:''[Montage with Bender sober.]''<br />
<poem>'''BW''': This always sticks in my mind, it's like ''The Lost Weekend with Ray Milland''.</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': Public library, that's great.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': That 3 o'clock in the morning lounge music...</poem><br />
:''[Bender is lying the gutter with owls around him.]''<br />
<poem>'''MG''': Did people get that owls are nuisances in the future? We laid that in enough?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We started out laying it a lot, but...</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': Actually, I met someone about a week ago, who was really into that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Really?</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': Very excited about that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Excellent.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': That rats are gone, but owls are everywhere.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': Owls are now the new pest.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Well, then the new owls ate Fry's poepery in his new digs in New New York?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Did that make it on the air? I don't think it made it on the air. I think we had to cut that for time.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Wow, I remember reading it... how much time do you cut of a&ndash; an episode sometime?</poem><br />
<poem>'''EH''': Often, entire sections.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Stuff that's been animated?</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Entire painful sections...</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We&ndash; as part of our deal with Rough Draft &mdash; Rought Draft people can correct me if I don't have it quite right, but I believe we get to get two minutes of animation beyond what will fit on TV. Is that right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Right, just about two minutes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's how much we cut out. However, we don't cut out two full minutes of stuff, for we will take out a little pause here and there or pull someone's dialogue over an exterior shot of the house. So, for example, we saw their house, then we cut inside and they started talking. Some times we will start over the exterior, that kind of thing to save time. We don't usually, ''really'' cut two full minutes out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': And there is also entire speeding up of scenes or sections of the show, right?.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Yes, in emergency, we have the computer technology to actually speed up whole sections of the show. Very rarely used actually on this show. ''Simpsons'' uses it a little more. A painful thought is that for syndication, you have to cut out another minute or two. A lot of these stories are pretty complicated and gonna be very hard to edit down. We'll just apply the computer speed up though.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Or don't syndicate it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': What would Billy&ndash; Billy, what would the professor sound like if we sped him up 50% or so?</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Well, it depends on how you do it, if you use the electronic gadget, you can have it in real time and the voice doesn't speed up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Suppose we use the Billy West gadget.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': He wants you to do the voicing.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': I am being difficult!</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I know.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': [sped up Professor voice] Good news, everyone.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': So basically, what we are saying is that if you are watching this in syndication, you are not getting the whole thing. We recommend buying this DVD. Thank you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': Tell your friends, tell all your friends.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BH''': If you have stolen the DVD, go back to the store and give them the money.</poem><br />
:''[URL holding Bender's antenna.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I love the pose how he's holding that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Little repulsed.</poem><br />
:''[Bender reveals the "closet".]''<br />
<poem>'''BW''': That was a great gag.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': How close have we stuck with that design for their apartment? Have new doors and things appeared?</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Ah, they come and go. As we need them.</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Flexible little floor plan.</poem><br />
:''[Credits are rolling.]''<br />
<poem>'''EH''': Everybody sing.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': This is the part that's always in a half-inch by half-inch on your screen&ndash; in the corner of your TV screen.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': I can read it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': This is the main thing you get when you buy the DVD.</poem><br />
<poem>'''BW''': I know people who wait till the end of the show and they get a magnifying glass right near the TV set, and all they want to read is who did what.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Animators?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Take that, animators!</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': We suck...</poem><br />
<br />
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|next=Love's Labours Lost in Space<br />
|iscommentary=yes<br />
}}</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Table:Commentary_transcripts&diff=52487Table:Commentary transcripts2009-12-21T15:41:13Z<p>Mini-Me: /* Discussion */</p>
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<div><!-- do not remove this. --><br />
{{conference table thread}}<br />
<!-- Please always sign your comments with four tildes --><br />
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== Discussion ==<br />
I have noticed there are only [[Episode Commentary Listing|commentary]] [[Episode Transcript Listing|transcripts]] for [[Season 1]] and [[The Beast with a Billion Backs]] for now. The not-created ones should be started. But I know it is hard to write a whole transcript. {{User:TheFry/sig}}21:17, 16 December 2009 (UTC)<br />
:What do you think? Are you here? I hope so. {{User:TheFry/sig}}18:15, 17 December 2009 (UTC)<br />
::Like most of the incomplete things, we're just waiting for someone to get around to it. Transcripts can be a little tedious, especially when you have trouble identifying the speaker, which is one of the reasons they haven't been completed. - [[User:Quolnok|Quolnok]] 08:37, 18 December 2009 (UTC)<br />
Yep, I can think on that. Writing all the speakers, what they say and other things... OK, then the transcripts should wait for now. {{User:TheFry/sig}}15:19, 18 December 2009 (UTC)<br />
:I can lend an ear if the speaker is unknown in any case. I listen to them often enough that I know who's speaking most of the time. I'm just furthering my useless talents. -[[User:Mini-Me|Mini-Me]] 15:41, 21 December 2009 (UTC)</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Transcript:Commentary:Fear_of_a_Bot_Planet&diff=49920Transcript:Commentary:Fear of a Bot Planet2009-09-10T03:23:35Z<p>Mini-Me: Amendations</p>
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<div>{{transcript infobox<br />
|episode=Fear of a Bot Planet<br />
|thanks to=Svip<br />
|prev=Love's Labours Lost in Space<br />
|next=A Fishful of Dollars<br />
|iscommentary=yes<br />
|participants=<br />
*[[David X. Cohen]] (DXC)<br />
*[[Matt Groening]] (MG)<br />
*[[Rich Moore]] (RM)<br />
*[[Gregg Vanzo]] (GV)<br />
*[[John DiMaggio]] (JD)<br />
}}<br />
*'''''Note:''' One question mark in bold ('''?''') means that the speaker was not identified by the transcriber.''<br />
*'''''Note:''' Three question marks (???) means that the word in proximity to the question marks is a suggested word, but not necessarily correctly identified, or if there is no word near the question mark (a space away is not near), then no suggested word was provided.''<br />
<br />
:''[Fry and Leela are standing watching the view.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Matt Groening]]''': God I love this cold opening. This is a good one. And didn't think it was gonna work. "Nah, that won't work", but it turned out great. Hi, this is Matt Groening.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Gregg Vanzo]]''': Gregg Vanzo.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[John DiMaggio]]''': I'm John DiMaggio, I play Bender and bunch of other voices and stuff.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[David X. Cohen]]''': David Cohen, executive producer, head writer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Rich Moore]]''': And Rich Moore, supervising director.</poem><br />
:''[Opening sequence nears its end.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Who picks these little cartoon clips that go on?</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Actually, you guys send a bunch of them over to us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We do?</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Yeah. Frank Cowon sends a whole bunch of 'em. And Scott Vanzo, our director of 3D animation, and I go through the clips to pick out what will fit in what's less than two seconds.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': So it takes longer to explain than actual do.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': I could go on!</poem><br />
:''[Blernsball.]''<br />
<poem>'''JD''': Glorx, 3:16.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Blernsball, the name "blernsball" actually came out of a joke the writers had where we were working so hard at this point in this history of the series&ndash; this early on, that we didn't have enough days in the week to write the show &mdash; we were writing seven days a week. So I putted up a schedule that included "blernsday" as an eight day, so we would have time to get the job done. That's where this came out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': The original name for this show was not "Futurama", by the way. There was a long long list of possible names, the only two I remember which were resoundly rejected, by everyone concerned with it; "Doomsville" was my number one choice. And my number two choice &mdash; and I don't even know why I thought this was a good idea for a name &mdash; somehow, "Aloha, Mars" struck me and that was also not particularly...</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That could be used for an episode, maybe.</poem><br />
:''[Bender squeaks butter on the popcorn.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Oh boy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I just got that.</poem><br />
:''[Multi-ball is unleashed at the station.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Pinball reference there. We have a couple of pinball machine at the office. See where our inspiration comes from.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': The Tron light cycle.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I have no idea what's going on in this game; it's great. Are there actually any rules to Blernsball that are definite?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': It's starting to evolve a little now that we've seen it again now that we've seen it in some future episodes, but overall I think the goal is to keep it just out of the realm of understandability.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Sort of like baseball.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Exactly.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': When I was a kid, I was obsessed by robots. I loved them and I was totally in fear of them, 'cause the thing about a robot&mdash;</poem><br />
<poem>'''?''': ???</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Yeah, because you can't reason with a robot. You know, if they wanna kill you, you cannot talk them out of it. I learned this from television and the movies. I had a collection of toy robots. And I would watch them at night from my bed.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Ah, did they scare you?</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': 'cause they moved! Just a little bit, you know...</poem><br />
:''[A cleaning robot is cleaning up the dirt.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That cleaning robot, that cleaned up the bottle, Bender threw down a minute ago. Originally, it appeared in the pilot, but was taken out as the show was too long.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': [episode] You're going to Chapek 9.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Chapek! Anyone know where that came from?</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Karel Chapek, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': The robot expert is correct.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Who coined the term "robot".</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I believe that's right.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': In his play "RUR" or R-U-R &mdash; ''Rossum's Universal Robots''. He also wrote a really good book called ''War with the Newts''.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's another good name for an episode.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Part of the inspiration for this episode was a story by one of my favourite authors, Stanislaw Lem, Polish comedy science fiction author, he's had a really funny short story he wrote, which I don't remember the name of, in which some&ndash; a human crashes into a planet inhabited by robots and has to hide in the bushes eating berries at night. Sounds funny, doesn't it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': You know what, actually, it's...<br />
<poem>'''RM''': You're scaring Matt. David, stop!</poem><br />
<poem>'''MR''': The fact is that this show is full of references to literary science-fiction, it's not just&ndash; it's not just rip-offs of ''Star Trek'' and ''Star Wars''. Like everything else, you know.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': It's rip-offs of thing you aren't aware of.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Stanislaw Lem... Karel Chapek and&ndash;</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': In the Stanislaw Lem story, it turned out that all of the terrifying robots were other people who had crash landed and had disguised themselves as robots so they wouldn't be target. It later turned out that there were no robots on the planet. Oh, I just ruined it for anyone who goes out to read it.</poem><br />
:''[Fry and Leela are looking down at Bender being lowered onto the planet.]''<br />
<poem>'''JD''': I like the wind blowing in their hair as they look down on the planet, great.</poem><br />
:''[Fry and Leela dress up as robots.]''<br />
<poem>'''RM''': Our stock-static.</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Worked hard on that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': My older brother, Mark, dressed up like that once when I was a kid.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': He scare the hell out of you?</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': He scared the hell out of me.</poem><br />
:''[Fry and Leela are dancing like robots.]''<br />
<poem>'''JD''': He's doing the robot. ''[Leela starts dancing.]'' Show him up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Hey, that was good animation. Good acting.</poem><br />
:''[Fry and Leela walk upon Chapek 9.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Really neat planetscape here.</poem><br />
:''[Fry and Leela are met by the guard bots.]''<br />
<poem>'''MG''': I like those robots, we should bring those back.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': They transform in a minute, also.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Is that Phil LaMarr's voice pitched down a little bit?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': You know, it's so electronically processed, that I can't remember who did them.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': I think that's Phil.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's Maurice&mdash;</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': That's Maurice, and he doesn't have to pitch it down. Nice.</poem><br />
:''[Fry and Leela walk through the robot city.]''<br />
<poem>'''RM''': There's that 3D animation.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Oh yeah!</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Here's a classic 3D shot coming up.</poem><br />
:''[Clock turns to 12:00 and tonnes of robots flock the street.]''<br />
<poem>'''RM''': There they are.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Look at them! ''[tongue wobble]'' Great, aargh.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Tetris, anyone?</poem><br />
:''[Fry is holding up a picture of Bender in a magician outfit.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We're going to see Bender's magician's outfitting again 3 years from the point of this episode. Took a while to come back.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': [episode] Robots don't have bathrooms.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': [episode] Oh right, I wonder where they smoke in high school.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': But they do have garbage cans...</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I never smoked in the bathroom at high school. We had an actual smoking section back when kids could smoke.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Is that true?</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yeah, we had a section at the north end of my high school where we used to smoke at.</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Yeah, we did that too.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Between classes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': That was designated?</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Designated smoking area, you're caught smoking anywhere else, you would&ndash;</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Marlboro High</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': That's right. God bless the 80s.</poem><br />
:''[A robot is talking to Fry and Leela.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's Tom Kenny.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yeah, it is Tom Kenny.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': He's first appearance in ''Futurama'', I think.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': A wonderful actor, very funny. A cast member on Mr Show, if you will.</poem><br />
:''[The robot screams]''<br />
<poem>'''RM''': Scared, Matt?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's a reference to the second ''Body Snatchers'' movie, the one with Leonord Nimoy. It's the sound they made.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Anti-Human patrol''': [episode] Intruder alert.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': That's Robotron, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': ''Berzerk''.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': ''Berzerk''.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Same era. Great video game from the 80s.</poem><br />
:''[They hide in the cinema.]''<br />
<poem>'''MG''': This is a good scene.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Maurice LaMarche.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': I remember this, we used to do the space mutant movies from ''The Simpsons''.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I think I play the space mutant here.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Your best performance, ever.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I think it is.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Here it comes.</poem><br />
:''[The "human" appears behind some bushes and threatens the robots!]''<br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yeah, that is me.</poem><br />
:''[The "human" eats the robot's head.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's really funny animation.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Ah, the classic ???.</poem><br />
:''[The robot general is talking.]''<br />
<poem>'''JD''': Dave Herman.</poem><br />
:''[Fry is talking to some robots after the film.]''<br />
<poem>'''JD''': Billy West talking to himself. Yeah, all three of those robots. Actually, Fry's not a robot. I'm sorry. But he still scared the hell out of me, Matt!</poem><br />
:''[The robot mayor appears.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That's Maurice.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': That is Maurice LaMarche.<br />
<poem>'''MG''': This show would have frighten me, as kid. Robby the Robot scared the hell out of me, you know. As I recall, for the crew, we made t-shirts with Bender's saying, "death to humans" and didn't you get taken to task for that?</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I think it was one of the other writers, Lou Martin, was in the supermarket wearing his "death to humans"-shirt and another customer came up to him and said "how can you wear that horrible shirt?"</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Well, they're not watching the show, are they?</poem><br />
:''[Bender is holding up the cover of his new album, ''Bender Lets Loose''.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That crazy position his arm is in.</poem><br />
:''[A robot toots a horn for the daily human hunt.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Macintosh startup sound.</poem><br />
:''[The free butter trap.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We went through a huge list of possible baits that humans would like, most of them had whipped cream and sprinkles and stuff. We decided that the combination of butter and free was the ultimate bait for a human.</poem><br />
:''[Fry and Leela have found Bender, but he ain't coming.]''<br />
<poem>'''JD''': Aww...</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': I don't know what to say.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Yeah.</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Getting caught up in this.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I cried a tear.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Robot mayor''': [episode] Congratulations, Bender, your album just went gold.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': "... went gold".</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': One thing all planets have in common is their tracking of record sales.</poem><br />
:''[Hall of Justice.]''<br />
<poem>'''GV''': Hall of Justice.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': We ought to get some sort of payment from Apple Computer company, that's another Macintosh there. Giving him a lot of free screen time.</poem><br />
:''[The Macintosh freezes up.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': I've seen that one too many times, while working on a script or a term paper. Not that there's anything wrong with the Apple computer corporation.</poem><br />
:''[Fry and Leela falls through a trap door.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Matt Groening has always been a big fan of trap doors in my experience.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': I am also frightened of them. In fact, all this stuff is just cathartic for me and you know, I'm just working out my own fears.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Trap doors with robots at the bottom.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': I will say this, my friends still say to me, "''[Robot Elder voice]'' Silence! Silence! Silence!" Yeah, just having a sip of beer at the bar and they're talking, "[robot elder voice] Silence!"</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': A lot hooded cloaks in science-fiction.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Robots in hooded cloaks...</poem><br />
:''[Bender is handed his weapon to kill the prisoners.]''<br />
<poem>'''JD''': I see a Morning Star, is there a Glaive Guease Arm on that as well?</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': A plus 2.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Oh a +2 Glaive Guease Arm.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': What the hell are you talking about?</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': ''Dungeons and Dragons''.</poem><br />
<poem>'''MG''': Oh.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': It's okay, shake it off.</poem><br />
:''[The weapon smashes as Bender throws it off screen.]''<br />
<poem>'''JD''': It just smashes!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Jimmy''': [episode] Duh, that's for sure.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': My best attempt to&ndash; at a famous fictional boxer.</poem><br />
:''[Fry, Leela and Bender are fleeing.]''<br />
<poem>'''RM?''': So this would be one of the running away endings.</poem><br />
<poem>'''GV''': Yes.</poem><br />
:''[Fry and Leela shows Bender what they did for him.]''<br />
<poem>'''DXC''': That menorah there, made of beer bottles. Or was it a robo-norah?</poem><br />
:''[Music's on.]''<br />
<poem>'''JD''': Popping and locking to Klezmer music. I love it</poem><br />
:''[The picture montage; last picture.]''<br />
<poem>'''JD''': I love this one.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': The last one is the best&mdash;</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': The last one is the best.</poem><br />
<poem>'''DXC''': Bender can cut another character's throat and still be likable somehow. That's how you know you have a good character when they can get away with that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': Unbelievable. Yes, that's the first appearance of Tom Kenny, yes it is. Oh boy. Any theme song with chimes, I'm all about.</poem><br />
<poem>'''RM''': Sad to think that most of these people are dead now. They were great.</poem><br />
<poem>'''JD''': [Randy] Hey, it's 30th Century Fox again!</poem><br />
<br />
{{navigation bottom/transcript<br />
|prev=Love's Labours Lost in Space<br />
|next=A Fishful of Dollars<br />
|iscommentary=yes<br />
}}</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Template:Whatsnew&diff=49831Template:Whatsnew2009-09-06T02:38:23Z<p>Mini-Me: </p>
<hr />
<div><noinclude><br />
==Info==<br />
Add items from the [[Special:Newpages|New Pages]] page, regardless of whether their <nowiki>{{Working}}</nowiki> template has been removed. Too many new pages are going un-posted. You can also add articles that you have changed from tiny stubs to full articles, or completely replaced the content of.<br />
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<div style="float:right;margin-left:1em"> __NOTOC__<br />
[[File:ItWGY.png|160px]]</div><br />
===5 September===<br />
*'''Transcript''': [[Transcript:Into the Wild Green Yonder|Into the Wild Green Yonder]]<br />
<br />
===31 August===<br />
*'''Character''': [[Robo-Rooter]]<br />
<br />
===29 August===<br />
*'''Character''': [[Jor-El]]<br />
<br />
===27 August===<br />
*'''Character''': [[Cryogenicist]]<br />
*'''Character''': [[Professor Moriarty]]<br />
*'''Character''': [[Jack the Ripper]]<br />
*'''Character''': [[Attila the Hun]]<br />
*'''Character''': [[Chester A. Arthur's head]]<br />
<br />
===26 August===<br />
*'''Group''': [[History's Greatest Villains]]<br />
*'''Character''': [[Evil Lincoln]]<br />
*'''Character''': [[Lincolnbot]]<br />
*'''Character''': [[Abraham Lincoln's head]]<br />
*'''Character''': [[George Washington's head]]<br />
<br />
===25 August===<br />
*'''Place''': [[Famous Original Ray's Superior Court]]<br />
<br />
===24 August===<br />
*'''Character''': [[Pramala]]<br />
*'''Voice Actor''': [[Beatrice Arthur]]<br />
*'''Voice Actor''': [[Roseanne Barr]]<br />
*'''Voice Actor''': [[Jeff Cesario]]<br />
*'''Voice Actor''': [[Nora Dunn]]<br />
*'''Voice Actor''': [[Jan Hooks]]<br />
*'''Voice Actor''': [[Bob Odenkirk]]<br />
*'''Production''': [[Rough Draft Studios]]<br />
*'''Terminology''': [[Fembot]]<br />
*'''Story Arc''': [[Fry's past]]<br />
<br />
{{template menu|Whatsnew}}</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Transcript:Into_the_Wild_Green_Yonder&diff=49830Transcript:Into the Wild Green Yonder2009-09-06T02:38:10Z<p>Mini-Me: Writer credit</p>
<hr />
<div>{{transcript infobox<br />
|for=Into the Wild Green Yonder<br />
|thanks to=Mini-Me<br />
|prev ep= Bender's Game Part 4<br />
|prev film=Bender's Game<br />
|written by='''Teleplay:'''<br>[[Ken Keeler]]<br>'''Story:'''<br>[[Ken Keeler]]<br>[[David X. Cohen]]<br>''(Parts One and Four)''<br />
}}<br />
:''[Pan over space, planets and meteors.]''<br />
:''[Caption: BLACK DWARF SYSTEM - DEEPEST SPACE]''<br />
:''[A green light claps in them middle of the screen and a pulsing, green ripple expands outward. Cut to a violet star.]''<br />
:''[Caption: VIOLET DWARF SYSTEM - SLIGHTLY DEEP SPACE]''<br />
:''[One of the green waves passes over the system and the planets all glow a light green. Zoom into the largest celestial body in the system and into a bubbling pool of liquid in a crater where a strand of DNA is formed. The strand fades into a roller coaster track in Mars Vegas. Some of the Planet Express crew and other characters fly across the screen in a roller coaster car. A parody of the "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas" sign says "Welcome to Fabulous Mars Vegas."]''<br />
<br />
:''[The opening credits start, with a theme song that is almost exclusively tubular bells.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Seth MacFarlane]] (singing)''': You and I will be reborn,<br />
In a future place and time,<br />
If everything our Hindu brethren say is true.<br />
In an age of things that hover,<br />
You and I will still be lovers,<br />
And we'll say to ourselves<br />
That was then and this is, too.<br />
'Cause we'll still find the happening hot spots,<br />
We'll still cruise the cool casinos.<br />
You'll still fly me to the moon,<br />
Although the moon to which you fly me,<br />
Could be Phobos or Deimos.<br />
The psychic worms from Rigel Nine,<br />
Who control everything we do,<br />
Will make us think that was then,<br />
And 3010 is exactly the same as 1962.<br />
Don't expect any changes, my friend,<br />
That was then and this is, too.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A hover grand stand is filled with a crowd of people who overlook Mars Vegas from far away.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Bender]]''': Wow, Mars Vegas. Long live the eternal city.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Leo and Inez Wong|Mr. Wong]]''': Two, one, zero!</poem><br />
:''[He pushes down a plunger and Mars Vegas is levelled by a large explosion.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Rest in hell, Crapville!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A large worm moves through the desert of Mars.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Leo and Inez Wong|Mrs. Wong]]''': Out here in the desert, we’re gonna build bigger, better Vegas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Bathtubs size of oceans, hookers size of bouncers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He blubbers.]'' Hamburger!</poem><br />
:''[The worm has stopped at a station.]''<br />
<poem>'''Worm Announcer''': Stand clear of the closing jaws.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The group stands in a construction site of a new hotel.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yo, you need any girders bent, I know a guy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Amy Wong]]''': So what's gonna be over there, Dad?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': That? That the oasis. ''[A bulldozer destroys a small area of trees and grass. A tree was missed, so a man sets it on fire with a flame thrower.]'' Future site of Oasis Hotel. ''[He laughs.]'' Take that, you stupid Mother Nature.</poem><br />
: ''[A car door closes. Pan over to the Feministas standing behind the caution perimeter with protest signs.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Frida Waterfall]]''': Okay. Let's hit him hard.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feministas''': This land is your land. This land is my land</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Fry]]''': Who are you noisy women?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': I'm Frida Waterfall, leader of the Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, and we will not let you man-doze this beautiful gyno-desert.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Well, I'm Leo Wong, and I say, "Boom!"</poem><br />
:''[He pushes down a plunger and the Feministas are send flying into the air from an explosion. Everybody else laughs as they fall back to the surface. Frida lands on Fry and it is revealed that her Femi-necklace has lodged in his brain. Everybody gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Hey, what happened to my femi-necklace? And where's my mega-fem?</poem><br />
:''[The megaphone hits her in the head and she is knocked out. Zoidberg rushes to Fry with a stethoscope.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Professor Farnsworth]]''': Is he badly hurt, Dr. Zoidberg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Zoidberg]]''': I don't quite know how to say this. ''(Sobbing:)'' Fry is dead!</poem><br />
:''[Everybody starts sobbing, but then Fry groans and wakes up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Wait, not dead. The other thing.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Damn eco-broads! You can't even spray for eagles without upsetting these kooks. ''[He sprays a tree and two eagles fall out, then a cave man falls out.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Leela]]''': Now, hang on. Before you do construction, don't you have to make sure you're not harming any native species?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': You mean, cursory environmental survey? Already done! By top scientist.</poem><br />
:''[He interrupts Farnsworth counting a wad of cash.]''<br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Err, what? Oh, my, yes. You've got the go-ahead, Mr. Wong. This place is deader than last year's cat.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, it's not! There's precious life right here in this scum puddle. ''[He holds up a desert muck leech.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ah! Cyprinodon martius. The desert muck leech. Amazingly, the entire species lives in this one tiny stink hole. ''(To Mr. Wong:)'' Killing these will be so much easier than exterminating those ponies.</poem><br />
:''[He imitates a pony, then imitates a machine gun, then imitates a dying pony.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Wait a second. Leeches may not be cuddly like pandas or tribbles, but these poor endangered creatures deserve... ''[She pets the leech, it makes a noise and then it bites and clamps onto her neck.]'' Get off me! ''[She throws it to the ground.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'll get it with my trusty foot cups: Stompy and Smashy.</poem><br />
:''[Bender tries repeatedly to squish the creature, but Leela bends over to stop him from trying.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, don't kill it! We have to...</poem><br />
:''[When she bends over, the leech bites onto her neck again. She runs off-screen screaming. Mr. Wong is seen pouring a bag of Poison Cement into the hole the leech came from. He then directs a large parking lot paving machine to roll over the area.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': There. They're not endangered anymore. They're extinct. ''[He chuckles.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, they're not. I saved this one. And I'm gonna raise it and care for it, so the world will forever know what it's lost. ''[The leech then bites her eye and she screams.]'' You freaking slime wad! ''[She pulls is off her eye and stomps on it, then stops.]'' No. I killed it. It was the last of its kind. ''[The creature comes back to life and bites onto her knee.]'' Mother-''(bleep)''. Let go of me, you... ''[She holds her leg up and fries the leech with a laser from her Wristlomojacker.]'' Poor thing.</poem><br />
:''[It flies back at her neck and clamps on again. She screams as the camera pans over the Mr. Wong and Fry. Mr. Wong kicks Fry's leg twice to wake him up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Tell you what, Fry. You all promise not to sue me, I give you token for free entry in poker tournament. ''[He slips a poker chip into Fry's pocket on his shirt while Fry is still somewhat unconscious.]'' He took it, you all saw it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Maybe we did, maybe we didn't. ''[Leela runs across the screen behind them, battling the leech still.]'' What's in it for me, Bender?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Okay, okay. Come back when New Vegas opens, I give you all free rooms, free dinner and free tickets to Celine Dion.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Lose the Celine Dion tickets and you got yourself a deal.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': All right, damn it, done!</poem><br />
:''[The crew cheers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All right, I scored.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Wong Hotel & Casino is completed. The crew is playing a row of slot machines.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Look out, Vegas, I've got a system. ''[He inserts a quarter and pulls the lever while laughing. The rolls of the machine land on "OUT OF ORDER," "OUT OF ORDER" and "NO REFUNDS."]'' Oh. I'm bankrupt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He chuckles.]'' You said it, Hermes. He is pathetic, but lovable.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Yup. What? I said no such thing, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I am not acting weird, Leela. Why is everyone talking at once?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Fry, calm down and stop braining.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Yeah, Fry, maybe you need to-</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You're right, Amy! Maybe I do need some fresh air.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Man, I'm worried about him. But not enough to stop gambling for even a single second.</poem><br />
:''[He uses his quarter on a string to scam the slot machine and pulls on the lever. He gets three Leo Wong heads.]''<br />
<poem>'''Three Leos on the Machine''': You win, damn it!</poem><br />
:''[Quarters are dispensed from the machine as bells are going off.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He laughs.]'' It's all in the wrist. ''[He unscrews his hand from his wrist and sucks up the quarters like a vacuum. He sucks quarters out of Farnsworth's pocket as well.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A street in Mars Vegas. Traffic has filled the streets. Cut to Fry's eyes as he walks down the sidewalk of pedestrians.]''<br />
<br />
:''[There is overlapping chatter.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Voices always yelling. Who - who said that? I'm not insane. Stop it. Stop talking in me!</poem><br />
:''[Fry runs into a close alley.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Hutch Waterfall]]''': Voices bothering you, man? I've been there. You need one of these doodangs. ''[He taps on his foil hat.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Over the chatter)''': A foil hat? Of course, he likes pastrami. What about the dog's testicles? ''[Hutch puts his foil hat on Fry's head and the voices quiet.]'' Hey, it worked. The voices stopped.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': They've got a huge selection of carburetors... Hang on. Hang on. ''[He searches through a dumpster for a new hat and finds one with some pizza stuck to it.]'' That's better. My name's Hutch.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hi, Hutch. So what's with the obnoxious, shrieking voices? Are my fillings picking up The View?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': No, man. Truth is, it's other people's thoughts. You're a mind reader.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Although, actually, it was sort of obvious.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': You don't believe me? Take off the helmet.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I believe you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Seriously, do it. ''[Fry sighs and takes his hat off.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': Testing, testing. Do you read me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Loud and clear.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': What?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I said, "Loud and clear." Only I said it with my thinker, not my talker.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Whoa! Freaky. Why can't I read your thoughts?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I don't know. Wait. What's that about a secret society?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Never mind that. Just keep the foil on and you'll be okay. Also, it'll keep the Dark Ones from incinerating your brain.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That's a plus.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': And don't ever, ever, ever tell anyone you can read minds, or the Dark Ones will get you like that. ''[He poorly snaps his fingers.]'' Hang on, pizza grease. Like that. ''[He snaps his fingers and Fry let's out a concerned wail.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Many robots are walking into a theatre that is presenting Gearotica. In the theatre, robot performers are lowered from the ceiling and dance with the music.]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Clamps]]''': Jeez, get a load of the batteries on her. I'd like to get my clamps on those. Give her a jump, you know what I mean? ''[He laughs alone.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Donbot]]''': Whoa, whoa. Show some decorum there, Clamps. This ain't no strip show. This is a beguiling display of the pornographic arts.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Joey Mousepad]]''': Yo, Skip, I can see a guy's butt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael's Wife''': Oh, Michael, this is the perfect end to a perfect honeymoon.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': I love you so much.</poem><br />
:''[They move in to kiss, but Bender lands between them.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Is this seat taken?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': Actually, we...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Slide me those chicken wings. So what part of Podunk you rubes from?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': The north-eastern.</poem><br />
:''[Bender belches fire after drinking a bottle of red wine.]''<br />
:''[Two robots on stage move their hips on a gear until they are close enough to exchange a compact disc from one slot to another. The crowd applauds.]''<br />
<poem>'''Announcer''': Monsieurs et mademoiselles, our circus of the senses now arrives by steamboat in New Orleans, circa 2873. The muted lament of a trombone resonates through the fog, which lingers even now, months after the attack of the fog monster. With but one hope of restoring Gearoticus to his throne, our sensual fate rests in the gyrations of... Fanny.</poem><br />
:''[Fog covers the stage, but is blown away by the air movement from Fanny's fan, which is fixed to her rear end.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh. ''[He stops eating and watches Fanny move her fan around on stage. He stammers and his eyes extend out of his head to zoom in. They extend out farther, then his antenna extends and the woman next to him gasps.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Bender is scatting as he walks toward Fanny's dressing room door with flowers hidden behind him. He knocks on the door and Fanny answers.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Fanny]]''': Yes?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm Bender. Let's do it. ''[He holds out the flowers.]''</poem><br />
:''[The two stare at each other for a few seconds until the Donbot comes out of the dressing room with his gun cocked and pointed at Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Who is it, the Feds?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He gasps.]'' Aren't you the Donbot, head of the Robot Mafia?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Allegedly. And this is my beloved wife, Fanny, whose honor I would proudly defend with a power drill. Well, I gotta go drown a stoolie.</poem><br />
:''[As soon as the bathroom door closes Bender and Fanny start kissing, Fanny's fan is spinning. Suddenly the Donbot opens the door and Bender and Fanny quickly separate]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': I'm gonna be in here a while, so do me a favor and drive my wife home. It's one of them self-driving cars, so just sit in the back and do whatever.</poem><br />
:''[They start kissing again. Fanny twangs Bender's antenna.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Oh, Bender, your lips are intoxicating. It's like kissing an ashtray full of hot wings.</poem><br />
:''[They resume kissing and fall to the floor.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender (As if he were speaking through a fan)''': Aww yeahh!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is peacefully walking down a street. He stops and lift his hat off. The voices grow louder and louder until he puts his hat back on.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': My God, I really can read minds. I have a superpower! There must be something great I can do with this.</poem><br />
:''[He gasps. Cut to Fry standing in front of a Women's locker room door. He removes his hat and quickly walks in.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hello, ladies, I can read your thoughts. ''[Punches are heard and Fry is thrown out of the room.]'' Oh, wait, that's invisibility.</poem><br />
:''[Fry walks by a banner for Leo's Poker Tournament, back tracks to it and gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Poker. With my mind-reading abilities and my invisibility... Wait, no, just the mind reading. I can't lose!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sign me up for the tournament, please.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Administrator''': Okey-doke, Jiffy Pop. Entry fee's 50,000 smackers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': 50,000? Drat, all I have is my life savings and a token for free admission to this poker tournament.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Administrator''': Close enough. ''[He puts the wad of cash in his breast pocket.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': "ELZAR'S AT THE WONG" - The crew plus Fanny is occupying a booth in the restaurant.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': You're having an affair with the head of the robot mafia's wife?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (Off-screen)''': Yup, this is her I'm making out with.</poem><br />
:''[The entire table is shown, Bender and Fanny are laying in the center of it kissing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Bender, are you crazy?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No, it's Fry who's crazy in this one.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Psht, I'm not crazy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You sure you're okay, Fry? I mean, you do have tin foil on your head.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So? You've got a leech on your neck. Oh, and speaking of sucking on your neck, want to go to a movie later?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Elzar]]''': Hey, there! How are you folks doing tonight?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Great. What are the specials?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Elzar''': Well, let's see now. We've got a wonderful grizzly bear that's been dipped in cornmeal and lightly tormented. Questions?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': What was the bear's name?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Elzar''': Jojo.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Ooh, I'll have him.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the entrance of the restaurant, Donbot, Joey Mousepad and Clamps walk in. Fanny gasps, Bender yelps and moves half of his head into his body.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hide me!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': Hey, Donbot, ain't that your wife what with you had that wedding with?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': ''[While sauntering over to Donbot looking rather bloated.]'' Donbot, honey! What a pleasant shock! I was just having dinner alone, when suddenly you walk in on us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Alone, huh?</poem><br />
:''[Her body groans and Bender comes shooting out of her chest cavity.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Where am I? I was exploring a wormhole through space many light years from this restaurant, when suddenly I was surrounded by darkness. '''(To Fanny:)''' Hot, sexy darkness. ''[He purrs sensually.]'' Oh, why, hello, Donbot! Hello, miss, have we met? ''[He shakes Fanny's hand.]'' I'm Bender. The world's most sexual robot. I mean, the world's most boundary-respecting robot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Nice to see you, Bender. Welcome back to our universe. Listen, sugar, I stuck up the Burlington Coat Factory and got you a little something. It's a $49 value.</poem><br />
:''[He puts a white fur coat on her and she spins her fan and squeals with delight.]''<br />
<poem>'''Danny''': Donbot, I love you! '''(To Bender:)''' Not really.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Man, this is great! I always wanted to nail a dame in a fur coat, and now's my chance. ''[He catches himself.]'' I mean, if you'll introduce me to one, sir. '''(To Fanny:)''' One as sexy as you, baby! Bender out. ''[He struts away while humming/scatting. Zoom on Donbot's eyes, they squint, showing Donbot is onto Bender.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''[Establishing shot of the Wong Hotel & Casino. '''Scene''': Fanny and Bender walk through the Casino.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': I never felt so alive, Bender. Listen, this turquoise-encrusted bra is worth 50 grand. Let's sell it and run off before the Donbot gets wise.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He sighs.]'' No. It will take a lot more money than that to make a girl like you happy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': No, it won't.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yeah, it will. Shut up! We'll run off, but not till after I win the Universal Poker Championship! ''[He raises his hand to reveal his plan, reaches into Fanny's bosom, rips out the bra and slams it on the Administrator's counter.]'' One entry, please.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Bender, no! You can't beat the best players in the universe. You're not lucky enough.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh, no? I'm 40% lucky. ''[He bangs on his chest twice.]'' The scrap metal I'm made from included a truckload of horseshoes from the luckiest racehorses in Mexico, who had just been sent to a glue factory.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': They don't sound so lucky to me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Not without their shoes.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The [[The Hip Joint Janitor|Hip Joint Janitor]] walks up to the railing of a casino that has a "Dancing Fountains" display in front of it. He dumps a bottle of Diet Slurm and a pack of Mentos into the water and the show begins. Pan over to Bender, who is getting his foot cups polished by a machine. He is cheerfully humming again and Fanny walks up to him.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Here, Bendy, take this. It will give you 70% more luck. It's the Donbot's lucky robot's foot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All right! With two kinds of luck, I can't lose.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No, wait, three. I stepped on a leprechaun.</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad and Clamps stop in their car when they see Bender and Fanny together.]''<br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': Yo, you see this over here over there?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': I'm powering up the clamps.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': An old store titled "SMALL BILL'S LAUNDERING." The mafia trio sit in the back of the shop.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let us not rush to judgment.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': But, Skip, that was your lucky robot's foot what came off of your lucky leg.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': ''[He turns his chair to the side and shows his missing appendage.]'' While it is true that I did wake up with only one foot this morning, there is no proof that my beloved Fanny was involved. Aside from the hacksaw I found under her pillow.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': Well, what about that Bender guy? You want I should give him the clamps?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Not yet, Clamps. Only one thing can prove that he has my lucky foot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': Torture with the clamps or a clamp-like device?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': No. We are gonna sit tight and see if he wins the poker tournament. He does, that proves he's packing my lucky foot, in which event...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': ''The clamps!'' Or a clamp-like device.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Penn & Teller are hosting the 3009 Universal Poker Tournament at the Wong Hotel.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Penn Jillette]]''': Welcome viewers who fell asleep with the TV on! It's the 3009 no-limit hold 'em championship. ''[The crowd cheers.]'' I'm the massive head of Penn Jillette, and here with a color commentary, my partner Teller. ''[Teller's head is floating in his own jar. As always, he is deceased.]'' Our act really didn't change much when he died.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Pardon me, I'm new to this game. Is this duffle bag big enough for all your money? ''[He laughs and sits down at the table.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He walks up to the table.]'' Bender? Oh, boogers. We're in the same tournament. Quick, get your entry fee back before I bankrupt you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''Pfft!'' In your dreams, nutloaf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Bite my shiny metal hat.</poem><br />
:''[Graphic: "HAND 1." Leo Wong is the dealer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette (Whispering)''': Tex Connecticut, the pride of Kansas City, first to act. ''[He has a Queen and a Nine and calls the blinds.]'' Smiley Spiff, up next. ''[He has a Jack and a Ten and also calls.]'' Looks like Boobs Vanderbilt has a decent pair. Also, she's got two eights. ''[She calls.]'' And Bender Rodriguez picks up a lucky deal right off the bat. ''[He calls as well.]''</poem><br />
:''[Fry looks at his cards. Two Kings. He lifts his hat up a bit and reads Bender's mind.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender (Telepathically)''': Woo! Two aces. I'm thinking guitar solo. ''[He mimics a guitar solo.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''He puts his hat back down.]'' I fold.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': Holy crap! A stunning play by mentally ill newcomer Philip Fry. It's almost as if he knew Bender had two aces.</poem><br />
:''[Pull out of Penn's shot to reveal that he is sitting 20 or so feet from the game table.]''<br />
<poem>'''Boobs Vanderbilt'': Bender has two aces? I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tex Connecticut''': I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Lrrr]]''': I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He laughs and pulls in the chips.]'' Suck my luck!</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad, Donbot and Clamps are sitting in the audience.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': See this gun? ''[He holds up a gun, but then he crumples it in his hand.]'' That's what I'm gonna do to Bender if he wins.</poem><br />
:''[Graphic: "Hand 6." Fry wins. Graphic: "Hand 13." Bender wins the pot, a gold watch and a human baby. Graphic: "Hand 79."]''<br />
<poem>'''Lrrr''': All in. Call my mighty bid at your peril. ''[He growls at the table. Fry lifts his hat.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': My cards are awful, and I need a hug.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I call your bluff.</poem><br />
:''[Fry wins the hand. Lrrr growls at Fry.]''<br />
<poem>'''Lrrr''': I shall annihilate... ''Fry hugs him.]'' '''(Sobbing:)''' I just wanted to make my daddy proud.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Lrrr's Father''': Well, you didn't. I want you and your junk moved out by Monday.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': It's getting pretty intense, folks. Based on the state of decomposition of Teller's head, we're now in hour 19 of the tournament. And the first bad deal of the night for Bender.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hey, pal, help me out here. ''[He holds up his cards - a Seven and a Two.]'' This is the worst possible hand, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tex Connecticut: I'm all in.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All in! I mean, fold. Whatever.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': ''[Leo deals the flop.]'' Well, Bender's luck just ran out. No card can save him from elimination.</poem><br />
:''[Cut back to the table. A giant prop card falls on Tex Connecticut's neck and incapacitates him.]''<br />
<poem>'''Boobs Vanderbilt''': Oh, my gourds! He's dead. ''[A card falls on her as well.]''</poem><br />
:''[The killer cards total 21.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': 21, winner! ''[He pushes the chips to Bender.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Wooo! I'm so full of luck, it's shooting out like luck diarrhoea.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': Wake up, poker fans! We're down to our final two players in heads-up action for the Championship. Your perspective, Teller? ''[A rat eats Teller's left eye.]''</poem><br />
:''[Leo deals cards to Bender and Fry. Fry looks at his cards then raises his hat and looks at Bender, who has yet to look at his cards. Bender refuses to look at his cards. Cut to Donbot who is watching from the crowd and tries to crack his knuckles. He breaks off all of his fingers in the process.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All in.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But-but, you didn't even look at your cards!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Looking at one's cards is a crutch for players who rely on skill.</poem><br />
:''[Fry lifts his hat again. Bender is scatting like a guitar. Fry lowers his hat and gulps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Any day now, Fry. You in or out?</poem><br />
:''[Fry stammers as he looks for an answer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': What's the matter, Fry, you scared? Or just ''[He spins his head around and wiggles in fingers]'' crazy? ''[He laughs.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': All right, all in. ''[Leo deals the cards.]'' Yes! Four aces!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[Fry moves in to take the pot.]'' Ah-ah-ah. Read 'em and weep, and then tell me what they are.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Two kings. And with three on the board, that gives Bender five kings.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But how is that...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': I don't believe it. Bender has just been dealt the King of Beers, a coaster from the bar that somehow got mixed into the deck. But it still counts!</poem><br />
:''[The crowd cheers and music begins playing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Bender win the Championship!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He eats the money.]'' That's some good money. ''[He then belches fire.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': ''[She comes running over with a suitcase.]'' You did it, Bender. You're the greatest.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Tell me something I don't know, sweetass. Now, let's boogie. We'll be in Space Tahiti before the Donbot knows what hit him.</poem><br />
:''[As Bender is walking away from the table, he throws the Donbot's lucky robot's foot behind him and it strikes the Donbot in the face.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Now I am suspicious.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A desert on Mars at night. Bender and Fanny are digging holes. They are illuminated by the Donbot's car headlights.<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Okay, we finished digging this shallow grave. Can we go now?</poem><br />
:''[The mafia trio then shoot Fanny and Bender for a while with machine guns. Part way through the shooting, Donbot stops to check the time and then resumes his firing. Cut to them driving away from the filled in graves.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Planet Express ship lands in the desert.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Sobbing)''': Poor Bender left me one last voicemail before the Robot Mafia buried him in the desert.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (On cell phone)''': Fry, old friend, before I die, I just wanted to say... ''[Beep.]'' Hang on, I'm getting another call. Hello? ''[The gun fire commences and Bender screams.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Line up, people! Everyone take a shovel and one sixth of the planet. We'll meet back here in 50 years, our bodies broken and our lives wasted.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': And you say these are free shovels?</poem><br />
:''[There is a rumbling and a hole begins to form in the sand near them. As the dust settles Bender walks out of the hole with Fanny.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm back, baby.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Bender! I thought the Robot Mafia killed you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Nah, they just shot us and buried us a few times as a warning.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Bender was so brave. He never stopped making out with me the whole time they were shooting us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I sure didn't.</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad pulls up with his car in the background.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': I gotta get back to my husband, baby. Will I see you tonight?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Probably not.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Mr. Wong is playing mini golf at his country club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': It's a 14-footer with a clown hazard. What club you recommend, Baggy?</poem><br />
'''[[Baggy]]''': As on every hole, I suggest the putter.<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Your golf club sure is classy, Mr. Wong. Naked statue classy.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong putts and ends up far from the hole and curses in Mandarin.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It is very nice. I just wish Amy and I didn't have to wear these sexist badges on our melons. ''[They stand up and show their badges that say "WOMAN."]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': We're lucky even to play as guests, Leela. Dad's club has a very strict "No girls allowed" policy.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong putts again and misses, then curses wildly again.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That doesn't seem fair.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': It really is. Everybody knows women don't have the focus to play miniature golf at a professional level.</poem><br />
:''[Amy makes her putt right through the clown's legs and lands it right next to the hole.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But that's the best shot of the day!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Is that my ball? I think that my ball.</poem><br />
:''[He claims Amy's ball as his own, but still misses his small putt and curses in Mandarin again.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Pfft, great putt, Dad.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Okay, we're done.</poem><br />
:''[The sprinklers turn on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Mr. Wong, how do you keep this place so green in the middle of the desert? Doesn't that waste a lot of water?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Nah, we got plenty water, pumped directly from flamingo lake. ''[The flamingos sitting in the lake are sucked into the drain with all of the water.]'' They'll be fine. ''[Pink feathers are expelled from the sprinklers.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The four are travelling in a golf cart.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Oh, yeah, I love miniature golf. Love everything about it, except how damn miniature it is. That's why I'm building the universe's biggest miniature golf course.</poem><br />
:''[A crane picks up a ball the size of the golf car and drops it into a large cannon.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': This the first tee.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Where's the hole?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': On Pluto's moon, Hydra. It's a six-billion-mile par-two. Tough shot, even for a man. ''[Leela groans. Mr. Wong adjusts the cannon with a dial near the tee. He strikes the button that fires the ball and everybody rushes over to a row of binoculars.]'' '''(Leo VO)''': Around the sun. Bank off Jupiter. And right into the... ''[The ball lands short of the hole and Mr. Wong curses in Mandarin.]'' I'll be right back. ''[He gets in a golf cart that has a dome over it and flies to Hydra. Fry, Leela and Amy watch from the binoculars. Mr. Wong smacks the giant ball his his putter, but it stops on the edge of the hole. He growls and curses in Mandarin. He bounces over to the ball and smacks his with his putter again, then kicks it.]'' It dropped in! Put me down for a two.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Two. ''[She writes down 8.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Keep in mind, that just the first hole. For full course, we gonna bulldoze this entire arm of the Milky Way.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What? You're gonna wipe out 10% of the galaxy for a stupid golf course?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': First of all, it 12% . Second, yes, you betcha.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But you have no idea what life forms might be evolving out there.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': That's exactly why I'm hiring an impartial scientist to perform an environmental survey. That's him in the money shower.</poem><br />
:''[Farnsworth is in the money shower, giggling.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Planet Express Ship is flying through a field of asteroids. A light from the turret on the ship scans the space boulders for life.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (VO)''': Delivery boy's log. Having fallen asleep on what I thought was the toilet, I awoke to find the environmental survey in progress.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Status reports, Science Officer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Zilcho. No sign of life or intelligence. ''[He laughs.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': Just like Fry on a date.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He laughs.]'' Hey!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, so we haven't found any life yet. I still don't see why you men can't be happy with regular-sized miniature golf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Leela, evolution has programmed our fabulous male brains to take anything anybody else thinks is important and make it bigger. ''[He takes a slurp of a "128oz. Big Burp."] ''Have you seen my new 301-inch TV?</poem><br />
:''[He presses a button on a remote and a large TV descends at the front of the ship.]''<br />
<poem>'''Announcer''': Hypnotoad is brought to you by the MagnaPhallix 302-inch TV. It's bigger!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, hell! ''[He throws his beverage at the TV and it falls apart.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[An alarm sounds.]'' Captain, I'm detecting life on the spock-o-scope!</poem><br />
:''[Leela gasps. The ship hovers over the planet. Cut to a fish-like creature waddles onto land. It uses its fins as feet and walks around. Pan up to flowers blooming and flying insects pollinating them.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's amazing. It's like a textbook on evolution.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Except in Kansas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': But isn't Mr. Wong building the 18th hole here? And the golf pants museum?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Indeed so. This whole area will be incinerated when he implodes that sun there into a black hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That beautiful violet star?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': It's so you can't keep your ball at the end of the game.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yo, that's messed up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Well, there won't be any imploding once they read our environmental review. Right, Professor?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ohh, twaddle-squat. There's no scientific consensus that life is important.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yeah. Life, schmife.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clip Board''': ''[Farnsworth checks an option.]'' Approved for demolition.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's you and me, ponytail. ''[He cracks her pony tail like a whip.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Nixon's head pulls up in a limo.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Guard''': We're here, Mr. President.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Richard Nixon's head]]''': Arroo! Let's play some mini-golf.</poem><br />
:''[The headless body of Agnew, Nixon and Mr. Wong are playing mini-golf. Agnew is putting.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Now, just give it a light tap, Agnew. ''[Agnew pulls his club up high.]'' No, no, no, just a light...</poem><br />
:''[Agnew grunts and sends the ball hurtling away from the tee. Cut to Zoidberg on a diving board high above a pool.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Now for a triple clam dip, with a double - ''[The ball smashes into his head and knocks him on his back.]'' OW! ''[He falls off the diving board and lands on the concrete surrounding the pool.]'' OW!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Tough luck, Agnew. Looks like you and Wong owe me a Charleston Chew. ''[He laughs.]''</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas blast through a hedge and <br />
<poem>'''Feministas''': Shut up and hear our wisdom. Shut up and hear our wisdom. Save the ecosystem. Save the ecosystem. Shut up and hear our wisdom! Save the ecosystem!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': What gives, Wong? You said no chicks allowed.</poem><br />
:''[Agnew growls.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': We are the Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, and we will not let you...What was it again?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': We will not let you implode the violet dwarf star at galactic coordinates 167.84, -58.03, mark 948.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Already approved, you cackling hens. So get out, or I'll have vice-president Agnew's headless body throw you out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I'd like to see him try.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Me, too. Should look funny. Sic 'em, Agnew.</poem><br />
:''[Agnew breaks his club in half and wanders toward the women. Leela bumps into a parked golf cart and causes it to roll down a hill, toward Agnew.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Runaway golf cart!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Look out, Agnew!</poem><br />
:''[Agnew tries to dodge the cart, but it follows his movements and runs him over.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Whoa!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Aah!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Is... is he okay?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': No pulse.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': They killed the headless remains of Agnew. Arrest them!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': All Feministas she-vacuate the premises. I mean "femises."</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas run away and the presidential guards chase after them. One drives the limo over Agnew's body.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Lounge. Nixon is on TV.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': My fellow Earthicans, these eco-crooks will face the maximum sentence. For killing a headless torso, that's six weeks.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Well, this is embarrassing. Here I've been blabbing on for years about killing all humans, and who actually does something about it? Some chick.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Leela's not a killer, and she's not some chick. She's the chick I love. And don't tell her I called her a chick, or she'll kill me.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A hover-copter flows over the city with search lights. The Feministas are hiding in a building with the sign "Eco-Feminist Reading Room" in the window. When the spotlight passes over it, a Feminista switches it to "Something even less popular."]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Frida (through her megaphone)''': Everyone stay absolutely quiet!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feminista''': That thing's on. Shh!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feminista''': Turn it off!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida (through megaphone)''': Oh, sorry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': How do you turn it off?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida (through megaphone)''': There. Did that do it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''OTHERS''': No. Stop it. Shut up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Here's the button here. ''[An alarm starts wailing from the megaphone.]'' '''(Through megaphone)''': And I think I... Now I got it.</poem><br />
:''[The megaphone squeals with feedback.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Let me give you a hand.</poem><br />
:''[She pushes a button and it turns off. Frida "shushes" her.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': This is awful. I never meant for our protest to have any effect. Now what do we do?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Trixie]]''': Maybe we should just surrender and serve our six weeks in jail.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Dixie]]''': Hey, yeah! We could do each other's toenails and make shivs.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That's crazy. We've done nothing wrong, other than killing and dismembering the vice-president. We need to make a choice, sisters. We can either keep pestering criminals like Leo Wong with silly slogans...</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Yeah. Let's do that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Actually, I meant that to be the less preferable alternative. We can either chant slogans or we can take action.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': What was the first choice again?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I choose to save the environment by sabotaging Leo Wong's golf course. Who's with me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Could we still use our bullhorns?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Absolutely. Bullhorns are a core principle of eco-feminism.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Then I'm in.</poem><br />
:''[They all cheer, then Frida shushes them through her megaphone.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Feminista's vehicle (A VW Camper) is travelling through space.]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Who's ready to kick some sweaty man-butt?</poem><br />
:''[They cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': I've got my pointy man-kicking shoes on.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Trixie''': Those are cute.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': Aren't they? I got them at Nine West.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Simmer down, warriors. Full power to the vagyroscope!</poem><br />
:''[Cut to a street sweeper-like vehicle cleaning up the rings around a planet.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Those dirty rings. I tried soaking them out, even blasting them out.</poem><br />
:''[The Camper stops near the cleaning vehicle. Leela and Frida emerge and pour sugar in the fuel filler.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Are you sure about this? It would be better for propaganda if we weren't using refined sugar.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's okay. The potato we're shoving in the tailpipe is organic.</poem><br />
:''[She clogs the tail pipe and fly away. The cleaner breaks down.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': I smell sabotage. ''[He sniffs.]'' Ooh, and potatoes.</poem><br />
:''[The girls cheer as they fly away from the planet.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Now, unfortunately, the media is going to put a negative spin on this, like when we killed that guy, so to win public support, we'll need a lovable mascot.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Zoidberg is in a room alone with the muck leech. It is in a glass terrarium in the lounge at Planet Express.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': :''[He picks it up and laughs.]'' Squirm all you want, you nasty dumpling. One less species for the universe, one more breakfast for...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Zoidberg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Leela. Me saving things the leech. Not the eating of it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Zoidberg, I'm very surprised at you, slightly.</poem><br />
:''[Leela lets the leech clamp onto her arm and Zoidberg stares, then slurps at it. Cut to Leela leaving Planet Express.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Psst! Leela.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Shh! I'm a fugitive.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I know. I miss you so much, Leela, even more than when you were here.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I miss you, too, Fry. And you probably think what I'm doing is wrong. But it's something I really care about...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You don't have to explain, Leela. You're you. That's all I need to know.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Goodbye, sweet goofbag.</poem><br />
:''[She walks over to the Camper, knocks twice and gets pulled in. They fly away. Zoom out of just Fry standing on the sidewalk to show Zoidberg and Bender are there as well.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Bender''': :''[He sighs.]'' I'll miss her, too, buddy. Dibs on her iPod.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Dibs on her- ohh...</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is walking through the streets of New New York. He comes upon Hutch drinking a bottle of wine in an alley.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Hey, Fry! Long time, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, Hutch! What have you been up to?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Same old, same old. Searching the dumpsters, protecting my thoughts with tin foil, peeing myself.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So, what brings you to Earth?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': It's top secret. Hey, take off your helmet and I'll think it to you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Okay. Here goes.</poem><br />
:''[Fry removes his hat and is bottled by Hutch. Hutch walks over to a dumpster, knocks twice and it mechanically opens. There is a bright light emitted from it. He throws Fry's limp body in and follows. The lid closes as he gets in. Cut to Fry waking up on a mattress.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Where are you? And me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': The Great Hall of the Ancient Legion of Madfellows. Welcome, bro.</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Welcome, bro.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Sorry I bashed your head in, buddy, but I had to. You see, the fate of the universe depends on you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yeah, I get that a lot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': The Grand Curator will tell you more.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Take me to him.</poem><br />
:''[He is the man behind Hutch.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Hey, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': So dig this, Fry. Our commune has been monitoring the universe's life energy for, like, a really long time, and we're grokking some super weird junk.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Um, I don't mean to be rude, but it's kind of hard to take you seriously when you say junk like "grok" and "junk."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''' : What about "commune"?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Especially "commune." Come on, it's the fate of the universe, puff it up a little. Like you could say your ancient order is sensing deep upheaval in the cosmic life energy field.</poem><br />
:''[Everybody murmurs.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Okay. I'll try. So, like, a really, really long time ago... ''[Fry motions "longer" with his hands.]'' Eons ago! ''[Fry gives a thumbs up and he giggles.]'' Cool. Eons ago, the life force we call Chee permeated the universe. ''[He presses a button and a hologram is shown in the room.]'' The Green Chee generated a great upwelling of life across the cosmos. But then, for reasons unknown...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Ooh. "Reasons unknown." Now that's the sort of hook that grabs the attention of me, the viewer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': For reasons unknown...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Nice.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': ...the Chee began to recede, and the diversity of life began to wither. The life forms we know today are but a fraction of a fraction of the magnificence that once existed.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': But a bunch of dudes, right, they totally passed this far-out knowledge down through the ages.</poem><br />
:''[The holograms shows previous Madfellows proclaiming the word with their tin foil hats on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine (VO)''': Some with this knowledge were called prophets, some, fruitcakes. We, the Legion of Madfellows, are their heirs.</poem><br />
:''[The current Legion of Madfellows is shown in the hologram.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, I'm on TV. ''[He waves.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Well, that's the show. ''[He turns off the hologram.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Neat. What's it got to do with me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Ahh, pooperdoodle! I mean, pardon the omission. You see, after untold eternities, we have sensed a resurgence in the Chee.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, that's the violet dwarf star that Leela wants to save.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Freaking nailed it, corndog.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': We believe this star heralds a new green age, and it's your destiny to be its shepherd and protector.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Me? Why?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': 'Cause you got, like, no delta brainwave, man. The Dark Ones can't groove off your thoughts.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Silence, Hutch! You shall learn more in time, Fry. But for now, let's just say we have enemies, enemies who can read minds, except yours. ''[He points with his foot.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Cool. I can't wait to tell Leela.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': No! If you tell anyone, then their thoughts could be read, and our enemies would know of our existence. For the sake of those you love, you must keep this secret. Do you foot-swear?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, okay. I foot-swear.</poem><br />
:''[They perform a "foot shake" agreeing to the terms.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Good. Now, to save the coming of the green age, you must stop this man.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong is shown on the hologram.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I know him. Leo Wong. I work with his daughter.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Oh, good, that will cut about 15 minutes of explanation. You must gain Wong's confidence, infiltrate his organization and prevent him from destroying the violet dwarf.</poem><br />
:''[Fry salutes Nine with his foot. The act is reciprocated.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is in Mr. Wong's office at the Wongminister Miniature Golf Club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Looking for a job, eh?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yes, sir. Nothing fancy. I'm willing to start at the bottom and infiltrate my way up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Sorry, no openings right now. '''(Telepathically)'': What I need is security guard to keep nutcases out of my office.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I'm good at keeping nutcases.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': I said no way. ''(Telepathically)'': Security guard gotta be tough. This idiot don't look like he could handle those feministas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I look like an idiot who can handle those feministas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr Wong (Telepathically)''': He'll have to do better than that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I'll have to do better than that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Hmm. You and I think a lot alike. You really think you can stand up to those eco-freakos?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sir, with me around, they'll be the least of your worries.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The 18th hole of Mr. Wong's course. It's a mess of tubes leading to the green from a giant plastic gorilla head.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Tester''': Stand by, men. And manly aliens. Prepare to test fire King Kong hole.</poem><br />
:''[The manly alien launches the ball at the gorilla. It goes into his mouth and comes out on the green, rolling into the hole for an ace.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': It workses.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tester''': Good job, men. And manly aliens. Construction of King Kong hole complete.</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas' camper is approaching in the background.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Typical. Always King Kong, never Queen... Quong.</poem><br />
:''[A few Feministas leap from the Camper onto the green and plant hooks in the turf and the bumper of their vehicle.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': What are those, hooks? Get out of heres, you hookers. This is my turfs.</poem><br />
:''[The Camper blats off from the green, pulling the turf with it and sending the asteroid, which the green was placed on, spinning out of control and smashing into the tubes.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': ''[He's flying through space.]'' Helpses!</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas cheer as they spray the gorilla head with make-up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You go, gorilla !</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A news broadcast. The vandalized gorilla is used as an image on the story.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Morbo]]''': Our top story. The string of eco-vandalism that began with a harmless vice-presidential killing has spread across the galaxy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Linda]]''': Why do you always get to read the top story, Morbo?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': Because viewers trust a deep male voice and huge, throbbing forehead veins. ''[They pulse in unison a few times.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Not all reaction to the crime spree has been negative. We spoke with several people who viewed these courageous eco-feminists as heroes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Petunia]]''': I just wish there was some way to... Excuse me. ''[She coughs roughly.]'' Some way to show I support 'em. Send them some smokes or something.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': So you make more than twice what I do. What? This just in: Root 2 News has received a video communique from the eco-feminists' unknown hideout.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': This is sub-commander L., den mother of the Feminista Revolutionary Collective, with a message for Leo Wong. Leo, you're a parasite on the universe, and parasites must be destroyed. That's why we've adopted this parasite as our mascot. ''[The leech snarls against the glass of its case.]'' I know it's a little confusing. The point is, even this vicious leech has a right to exist, because it's a part of nature. And that's why a vicious leech like Leo Wong must be exterminated. ''[The Feministas in the background cheer.]'' Again, confusing. We call on women everywhere to join our struggle against eco-chauvinist Leo Wong. We especially need good communique writers. Feministas unite! ''[They pound their breasts twice and throw their fists into the air while reciting that last bit.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': In other news- ''[Linda throws her high heel at his head and it becomes lodged in his ear.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Feministas unite!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Mr. Wong is in his office with Nixon.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Linda (on the TV)''': Feministas unite! ''[The image is paused.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Incredible. Absolutely incredible. You're telling me this TiVo machine can pause and rewind live TV?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': These crazy broads gonna ruin me, Nixon. You gotta help me. Send the army or something. Something big that shoots.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Sir, I don't care if you are my biggest contributor. Our armed forces do not serve your private business interests.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Sorry, I...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': ''[He laughs hysterically.]'' I'm just yanking your chain, Leo. I'm on it like boring on Gerry Ford.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The White House Oval Office. Nixon and Mr. Wong are present.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Zapp Brannigan]]''': Zapp Brannigan purporting for duty. For the love of God, Kif, less piccolo, more fife.</poem><br />
:''[Kiff is playing many instruments as a one-man band. He sighs at Zapp's demand.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Report, Brannigan.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Mr. President, I failed to identify these curvaceous banditas despite hours of staring|at their dossiers. ''[There is a picture of Leela from behind on the cover of the file folder.]'' Yet, I seemed to have stroked myself upon good luck, for a patriot of the highest order has volunteered to lead us to them.</poem><br />
:''[Kif performs a drum roll and Bender walks into the room. Bender says "Hey oh" like Ed McMahon.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': These eco-feminists are ruthless criminals who'll stop at nothing to save the environment. I don't see how a bending unit can catch them.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Not just any bending unit, Presidente. I happen to be brilliant, fearless and short on cash. ''[He coughs and motions for money with his fingers.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Slush him, Kroker.</poem><br />
:''[Kiff opens a wall safe and pulls out a briefcase, which he pulls money out of and counts money as he gives it to Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Bender here has identified the femdito commander as my ex-lover, Turanga Leela, whom I once made love at.</poem><br />
:''[By the end of this line, Bender has taken all of the money from the briefcase and has started emptying the wall safe.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': And he's willing to fink her out for a few simoleons?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': It's not about the money, Nixon, though I'd like much more. It's 'cause Leela's a threat. A threat to my reputation. She's committed 30 felonies in 12 star systems. If no one stops her, she'll break my record for longest rap sheet.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': That's a despicable motive, Bender, and I respect it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Gracias. Now, I could find Leela, but you'll need to authorize a wiretap.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': As many as you like.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I only need one.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Let's call it six.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Question. If you don't know where Leela is, how can you wiretap her?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm not wiretapping her, Greensleeves. You see, like all women, Leela has one weakness.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Bender is descending upon Fry by parachute. Fry is working as a security guard.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hello, weakness!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, Bender, check it out. I'm Leo Wong's new security guard. I got an ID badge and a flashlight, and I ordered this mustache.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Neat. Say, speaking of whatever the hell you just said, I need to make a cell phone telephone call. Can borrow your cell phone telephone?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Okay, but don't restart my Tetris. I was finally about to get one of those pieces that looks like a backwards "L."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Okay, superstud.</poem><br />
:''[Bender walks off screen as Mr. Wong and Amy approach Fry.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Looking good, security. No feministas getting past you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': No, sir. Not on my mustache's watch.</poem><br />
:''[Bender is in the background struggling with Fry's phone.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Fry, I can't believe you're working with my dad against Leela. How can you claim to be her friend and still want her in jail?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He clears his throat.]'' It's a tightrope walk, I won't deny it. It takes the kind of multi-sided thinking your dad's so brilliant at.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': You mean being two-faced?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Don't mind cranky-pants here. She been cranky ever since she was a fat little girl.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Dad!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Can I be brutally honest, Fry? I always wanted a son.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That hurt, but I can take it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': ''[She says something in Mandarin.]'' I knew you wanted a son! Why do you think I became a miniature golf champion? Why do you think I wear these stupid boys' sweat suits?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': To hide your big, fat butt, that's why. ''[He giggles.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Now, sir, in fairness, Amy's butt is actually pretty hot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': What is it with you men? Why does everything revolve around my butt?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': 'Cause it's so big and massive. He and Fry share a laugh.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sorry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': That's it! Why don't you just adopt Fry and make him the son you never had? That'll replace the daughter you don't have anymore!</poem><br />
:''[She grunts as she shoves her way past Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Whoa! What's with Big Butt?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': She just hungry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Here you go, Fry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Thanks.</poem><br />
:''[Bender gives Fry his phone back. There is a large antenna device sticking out of the top of it.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh! FYI, I dropped that Tetris piece in the wrong place and ended the game.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He looks at the screen on the phone. It reads "GAME OVER."]'' No!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is locking up Wongminister Miniature Golf Club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Great! Now Amy's gonna tell Leela I'm a jerk. If only I could explain I'm on a secret mission against evil. Wait. Evil? Yeah, yeah, evil. ''[There is a tapping in the darkness. Fry shines his flashlight around.]'' What's going on in there? A scary noise? ''[He spots Frida hammering a protest sign into the grass.]'' Hey, you're one of Leela's feministas. "Save the environment! Wo-mandate Leo's retirement!" That's terrible writing! Stop making your point so ineffectively! ''[He tries to pull the hammer from Frida's grip.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Take your mands off of me!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He shushes her.]'' I'm on your side.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': ''[She shushes back.]'' Don't shush me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Please, can you take a message to Leela?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': ''[She quickly shushes him.]'' What is it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Just say her sweet goofbag is working to save the violet dwarf star, just like she is.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Very well, I'll fem-municate your man-formation.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He rolls his eyes.]'' Just tell her.</poem><br />
:''[She shushes him again.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express. There is a banner on the balcony which reads "Going out of business forever! Again!"]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Well, this is it, old friends. Planet Express is done for, what with our delivery crew missing and the abysmal sales of Tickle Me Bender.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender Doll''': ''[He doll giggles.]'' Quit touching my junk, pervert!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Hold out your hands and I'll remove your career chips.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': I hate to see it come to an end. ''[His chip is removed and he screams in agony.]'' When will it end?</poem><br />
:''[Farnsworth moves on to Hermes when the phone starts to ring.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Shouldn't you get that, Professor?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': I suppose. ''[He walks off screen, but then rushes back to remove the career chip from Hermes' hand.]'' Hello?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Professor, old buddy, I'm gonna blow up the violet dwarf star. So I need you deliver billion-mile security fence to keep out protesters. Dirty business. Lot of money. You corrupt enough?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Damn skippy! ''[Money is dispensed from the telephone console.]'' Good news, crybabies! We're back in business.</poem><br />
:''[They both cheer and Farnsworth quickly implants their chips back. They both wail in pain. Cut to an exterior shot of Planet Express. The hangar doors open, but the ship blasts through the front entrance instead. A shot of the Violet Dwarf Star System shows the Planet Express ship approaching while making abrupt jolts left and right with Farnsworth at the helm.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Sweet kookaburra of Edinburgh, Professor. You sure you know how to fly this thing?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': I invented it, didn't I? You wouldn't ask Thomas Edison whether he knew how to use a sexmatron.</poem><br />
:''[They all gasps as they see the Feministas' van approaching head on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': The feministas, probably.</poem><br />
:''[As they meet, the Planet Express ship skids to a stop. The van circles around and around the ship while spray painting it pink.<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Halt! What are you doing in this parallelogram of space?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': We're delivering a fence to keep you ladies in your place. ''[He chuckles.]''</poem><br />
:''[A hole is cut through the roof of the ship and the Feministas drop through.<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Amy?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Labarbara?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Labarbara]]''': That's right, husband. From now on, you make your own Manwiches.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Under the articles of the confemiracy, we hereby wo-mandeer this ship.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Oh, no, you don't. It's three against three.</poem><br />
:''[Many other Feministas drop through a second hole and land on the the manly trio.<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Wong Ranch.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mrs. Wong''': That was the greatest play I ever saw. It must have had 20 acts.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong exits the carriage, cracks his back and gasps at what he sees in the sky. It's the Feministas approaching in their pink Planet Express ship with the fence. They drop the fence on them, trapping them in a semi-sphere.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela (over Megaphone)''': We installed your fence, Leo Wong.</poem><br />
:''[Inside the ship the Feministas cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Should we shout a clever slogan?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You mean something like, "The best defense is a good fence?"</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Yeah, something like that, only funny.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I wish we could, but our chief slogan writer is back at the Honeybun Hideout.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the hideout where Frida is working on protest signs.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Does "violet dwarf" rhyme with "men are dorks"? It does through a megaphone. '''(Telepathically):''' That reminds me, I've got to tell Leela about that weirdo who wants to save the violet dwarf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': So, the Legion of Madfellows has a new pawn, eh?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Is somebody here? If you're the DSL guy, you're two days late.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': Who gave you that message for Leela?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': I don't know his name.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': Then you are of no use to the Dark Ones!</poem><br />
:''[She is choked by seemingly nothing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Long lost brother, avenge my death.</poem><br />
:''[She chokes more and falls to the floor.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': Where are your crappy rhymes now, Frida Waterfall?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': I'm dead. I'm dead. '''(Through megaphone):''' Eat only natural whole-grain brea- ''[She is choked more.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
''['''Scene''': Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Fry is locking up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Six, seven, eight. Lock the gate. One, two, three. Turn the key. 30, 50, 10. ''[He sees Hutch.]'' My dirty, shifty friend?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Hey, Fry, long time.</poem><br />
:''[They stare at each other for a moment, then Fry is bottled by Hutch, who then opens the bottle and takes a drink. Cut to Fry waking up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Welcome back to the Legion of Madfellows, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Why'd you bonk me, you idiot? You could have just asked me to come with you. And where are we? This doesn't look like your regular dumpster.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': All in good time! I guess now is a good time. We are on Mars, in a forgotten cavern abandoned by the native Martians a million years ago.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Actually, it was five years ago. I remember 'cause they washed my socks.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': You have done well, Fry. You have ingratiated yourself with Leo Wong.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yup, I kissed his ass from cheek to shining cheek. So, what do I do next?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': As Wong security chief, you will be on hand when he attempts to destroy the violet dwarf. You must not let that happen.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He is taking notes.]'' "Must let happen."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Not happen!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': "Must let occur."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Let me tell you a story. A story of two alien species so ancient that compared to them the human race is a mere college senior! On a distant planetoid they evolved to cooperate in their quest to survive.</poem><br />
:''[A hologram shows a snake and a frog like creature. The frog pushes the snake up to knock a bug free from a leaf. They both eat half of the bug.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Cooperation, because life is a team sport.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine: But, over time, one species evolved a better strategy, and an evolutionary arms race began.</poem><br />
:''[The hologram shows the frog pushing the snake up again, but letting it drop into his mouth instead. The next hologram shows the snake countering this by inflating himself so it won't hit in the frog's mouth and crushes it. The next shows the frog countering this by using a sharp tail to pop the inflated snake. The next shows the snake countering this by growing a natural armour to defend itself from the piercing tail and then inversing its body to ingest the frog.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': That concludes the audio-visual portion of our head-clonk and lecture.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Wait, what happened to the snakes and the frogs? I need to know!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': ''[He sighs and turns the hologram back on. He uses the light to cast shadows on the wall his his hands.]'' The frogs, or possibly the snakes, evolved into vicious killing machines, honed by the merciless forces of natural selection and intelligent design. We call these the Dark Ones!</poem><br />
:''[Pan over to Fry's shadow who shudders and picks his nose.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': These evil creatures preyed on all life, driving species after species to extinction. Meanwhile, however, the second species evolved to fend off the Dark Ones, befriending and protecting all other living things.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Even Celine Dion?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Probably. We call these noble beings the Encyclopods, because their DNA incorporates the DNA of every endangered species they encountered, so they can recreate them if they go extinct.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Just as a pillow, a wig and a corncob pipe can be used to recreate my old girlfriend!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Bingo.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': At the Feministas' hideout.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Transition Announcer 2''': Meanwhile, at the Honeybun Hideout.</poem><br />
:''[Hermes, Zoidberg and Farnsworth and locked up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': There! Now you know how it feels to be locked up in a go-go cage.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': What the hell are you talking about?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': Shut your man-hole.</poem><br />
:''[She presses a button. Music starts playing and coloured lights spin around the room. The three men eerily groan as they force themselves to dance.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': I feel dirty.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the other room of the cave.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Are you sure Fry is working for your father? It just doesn't seem like him to be so evil, or to hold down a job.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': It's true, Leela. Cross My Heart bra and swear to Goddess.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But the Fry I know wouldn't do that. I'm gonna call his cell phone telephone and prove you wrong. ''[She walks over to a phone booth and tries to open the door. The camera pans down and reveals Frida's body is blocking the door.]'' Oh, no! Frida's been murdered!</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas all gasp.]''<br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': Sweet she-cattle of Seattle.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes (from off screen)''': Not your strong suit, woman.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Who could have done this?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Your dad? Nixon?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Fry?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, never. I don't think. Anyhow, there's a crazed murderer on the loose, possibly in the shadows or hanging from the ceiling. ''[They all scream.]'' So just stay calm while I call Fry.</poem><br />
:''[Leela forces the door open and stands on Frida's body while making the call. Cut to Fry talking with Nine.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So where are the Encyclopods and the Dark Ones now?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Wh-... ''[Hutch is cooking a can of food with the light of the hologram.]'' When the life-giving Chee receded, only the toughest organisms could adapt and survive, like the Dark Ones. ''[The Madfellows boo.]'' Many more died out, like the Encyclopods. But, and this is the great secret of our age, we believe they left an egg behind.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Is it edible?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': We're not gonna eat it! Not unless we find a second one. No, Fry, we intend to hatch it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': And that's where you come in.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': And here I am.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': At long last the tide of Chee has returned, and its nourishing flow has awakened the dormant egg.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That's good.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': It's better than good. It's better. With its massive stash of DNA, the Encyclopod can reconstruct every species that ever went extinct.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Imagine, all the animals that failed evolution's test, alive again! The dodo bird, the brittle-klutz, the striped biologist-taunter.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So, where is this egg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': In the violet dwarf star system.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': And what does it look like?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': A violet dwarf star!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You mean, the whole star is a single... Whoa! Sci-fi.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Alas! Even now, a Dark One is headed to the star to ensure its destruction.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Dang! So what does this Dark One look like?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': ''[He sighs.]'' We don't know. I admit it's a horrifically grave situation.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Don't sugarcoat it, Nine. The Dark Ones have been evolving so long, it could be anything or anyone. Or anybody.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You mean, like, people?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Any people. It will kill the egg, and every dude, woman and child who knows about it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Even our crazy caps will be useless at close range. That's why only you, with your defective unreadable brainwave, may be able to thwart them and usher in a new green age of wonder and...</poem><br />
:''[Fry's cell phone starts ringing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You're on Fry-time. Leela! Did you get my message?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What message?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Didn't you see Frida Waterfall?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She gasps.]''So you did kill Frida Waterfall?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': What? No. I told her to tell you that I'm... Oh, Jeep! The Dark Ones got her. It's all true. We need to talk, Leela. Then I can explain... ''[Nine motions "No!"]'' Well, I can't explain anything, but we should talk anyway. Where are you?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Oh, no. I'm not gonna expose the Honeybun Hideout. Where are you?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Near the Keeler Crater on Mars. Do you know it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I, I, uh... I think I read about it.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to Bender, Zapp and Kif listening in on the call.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She is heard through a speaker on the Nimbus.]'' I'll meet you at the south rim in one hour. No moustaches.</poem><br />
:''[Leela hangs up and Bender turns off the speaker and does an evil laugh.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Kif, set coordinates, 36-24-36. AKA, Leela.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Mars, the southern rim of the Keeler Crater.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Ten minutes late. Ain't that just like a womanista?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Psst. Are you alone?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Of course, don't you trust me?</poem><br />
:''[The Nimbus emerges on the horizon.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp (over PA)''': There's no escape, Leela. If you surrender, wave your shirt in the air.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Fry, you traitor!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy (over PA)''': Hop onto the magnet, Leela!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay. One, two... ''[Her boots are pulled to the magnet. She screams and Fry laughs, but he is grabbed by the ears and pulled along with her. The Planet Express ship takes off with the Nimbus chasing after it.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She throws him in the go-go cage.]'' I can't believe you ratted me out, Fry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I'm not a rat, I swear. If I'm any rodent, it's the loyal capybara, king of the rats! No, wait.</poem><br />
:''[The ship is hit by a shot from the Nimbus.]''<br />
<poem>'''Linda''': This just in, we are about to get our asses blown off. Labarbara?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': That's right, Linda. ''[She screams.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Stay strong, ladies. We can lose them in the giant miniature golf course.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But the course isn't finished. And there's no girls allowed.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Fore! ''[She pulls the steering wheel to the right with her club.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': So, they want to play mini golf, eh? Two can play at that game. Or even four, depending on the number of ball colors available.</poem><br />
:''[Bender and Kif sigh at the same time.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': I choose pink.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': That's their color, sir.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': The hell it is.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': They're gaining on us. We need a birdie on the windmill hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Wait. Wait. Drop the boot!</poem><br />
:''[They make it through and everybody cheers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Sir, at our present speed, the computer predicts a 100% chance we'll be sliced in half. We'll never make it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Not with that attitude, we won't. Same speed ahead!</poem><br />
:''[The Nimbus is sliced in half by a blade of the windmill. The trail of smoke is polluted by bodies of suffocating soldiers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': We made it through, Kif. How many men did we lose?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': All of them.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Well, at least they won't have to mourn each other. Seal the airlocks, and draw the shades. Resume shooting.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, no! The gorilla! That's a par-four!</poem><br />
:''[Everybody screams.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': The mouth's too dangerous. I'm going for the nose.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Don't be a sucker. You won't come out anywhere near the hole. You need to aim for the jaws just when they start to close.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Start to close? Are you out of your...</poem><br />
:''[Amy holds up her magazine cover of herself on Mini-Golf Digest. Leela aims for the mouth and makes it through.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': We made it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Captaining 101 . Go for the nose.</poem><br />
:''[The ship enters the right nostril and exits the left then rams into the banana. Everybody is thrown to the floor and a fire starts.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': My arms are broken, I'll never paint again. ''[He starts crying.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': You can't sue the military.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm okay then.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Damage report.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': We lost all remaining food and oxygen, Captain. As well as our XM Radio antenna.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Then this chase is over. Kif, set course for the nearest XM repair facility. Meanwhile, we shall sing top hits from the '80s.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Which '80s, sir?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': For me, there are only one '80s. ''[The ships slowly heads away from the chase.]'' '''(VO)''': Smell like I sound, ''[Kif groans.]'' I'm lost and I'm found. ''[Kif groans.]''And I'm hungry like the wolf.</poem><br />
:''[Cut back to the Planet Express ship traversing the mini-golf pipe. Everybody screams while in the yellow tube.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': The shot was too good! We're jamming straight for the hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': We're gonna crash, even.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Shmeesh, shmill out, shmeverybody. It's a wormhole hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Of course, a wormhole! We'll simply disappear and reappear in a... ''[They enter the wormhole.]'' ...nother part of the universe.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': We made it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Uh, whaa...</poem><br />
:''[The occupants of the ship cheer, but are silenced after they realize they are right back with the Nimbus.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Crud nuggets! We de-spaced right next to the Nimbus.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Just when you think the chase is over, it gets twice as exciting!</poem><br />
:''[The three comrades are sitting in the bridge, Bender still humming "Hungry Like a Wolf" by Duran Duran, when he spots the opposing ship.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hey, look at that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Well, well, well. My bloodhound-like instincts must have hunted them down while my other parts were throbbing to Duran Duran.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Shall I initiate a pointless and potentially fatal pursuit?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Make it so.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': It's gonna be fun on a bun, in space.</poem><br />
:''[The Nimbus starts up and takes off from the XM repair station, severely damaging it. The Planet Express ship flies by the Violet Dwarf Star System and observes the life on it.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Look! The asteroid. Now it's crawling with life. Like Zoidberg's sandals!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Wow! It's incredible.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But it'll be destroyed when Leo Wong blows up the violet dwarf. So why are you helping him?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I can't tell you, Leela. You just have to trust me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You keep saying that, but you have to give me something to go on or I...</poem><br />
:''[An alarm goes off.]''<br />
<poem>'''Planet Express Ship Alarm''': Out of whale oil. Out of whale oil.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She gasps.]'' The out-of-fuel indicator. It's indicating.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Say, what's that violet-colored dwarf-like star thing we're drifting into?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': The violet dwarf star!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Of course. The gorilla was the 18th hole, so we're headed into the ball return.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Aye, what else now can go wrong?</poem><br />
:''[The ship shakes and there is a loud crash.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp on the monitor)''': Ladies, you're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded again and again.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Petunia''': He'll never take me alive. ''[She starts hacking up smoke.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Don't give up yet. I've got one more trick up my sleeve.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': That's exactly the number we need.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to Kif and Zapp. They leap from the Nimbus and float down to the Planet Express ship. They settle at the window of the ship.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Ah, the fairer sex.</poem><br />
:''[Fry, Zoidberg, Hermes and Farnsworth are dancing in the go-go cage.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Something's very wrong here, and yet a little bit right.</poem><br />
:''[Guns are cocked.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela (off-screen)''': Not so fast, Brannigan. ''[All nine of them have guns.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (off-screen)''': Even less fast, feministas! ''[He has a gun that controls nine other guns.]''</poem><br />
:''[They all gasps.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Bender?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All two tons of me.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Earth Supreme Court]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bailiff''': Oye, oye, oye. All rise for the honorable Chief Justice D-O-G-G and the Associate Justices.</poem><br />
:''[Sal pulls the judges out from the back room.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Judge Dogg]]''': Yo. Seat it or beat it. The charges against y'all femditos is murder, mayhem, vandalism, kidnapping and resisting arrest. Damn! The big five. You may now make your opening "what you got to say for yourselves."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': May it please the Court... ''[Judge Dogg slams his gavel.]'' I mean, may it plizzle the cozizzle.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Proceed.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': These charges are outrageous. Our only goal was to save a rare violet star and its precious ecosystem. If protecting the environment is a crime, then...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Protecting the environment is a crime.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela': ''[She clears her throat.]'' I rest my mouth.</poem><br />
:''[Time lapse]''<br />
<poem>'''Bailiff''': Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': I... Well, now, I... Am I under oath when I take the oath?</poem><br />
:''[Time lapse]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Ruth Ginsberg's Head]]''': Can the witness identify the feminista leader?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': That's her right there, with the "I'm gonna kill you Bender" look in her eye.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Antonin Scalia's Head]]''': Hey, aren't you the robot who robbed me at gunpoint last year?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No further answers, Your Honor.</poem><br />
:''[Time lapse]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Please, Justice Dogg, Leela and her friends are completely innocent.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Hold up. Were you or were you not abducted by these hoes?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Well, abducted is such an ugly word.</poem><br />
:''[Time lapse]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Thomas]]''': Mr. Wong, the court cannot compel you to testify against your own daughter.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': No. No, I want to. Also, I got something to say about my wife.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to Judge Dogg, who is listening to music on headphones.]''<br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Aw, yeah. Having heard some of the testimony over these jams I've been listening to, me and my crew will now kick it in the mix.</poem><br />
:''[The Bailiff connects all of the judges together. Their heads spin and electricity arcs between them as they deliberate. A pan across the Feministas show they are all holding hands. When Leela appears on the screen, she is holding hands with Zapp, who is grinning and waves at her with his fingers. She cracks his fingers and he falls to the floor in pain. The judges stop deliberating and Judge Dogg's jar is emitting bubbles and smoke.]''<br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': A'ight. We got us a verdict up in this ''High'' Court. Bailiff, drop it like it's legal precedent.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bailiff''': In the matter of Leo Wong v. The Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, four justices vote to convict, five to acquit.</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Antonin Scalia's Head''': However, since the vote was strictly along gender lines and the female justices' votes only count half, you are hereby found guilty.</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas groan.]''<br />
<poem>'''Ruth Ginsberg's Head''': It's a humiliating and biased system, but it works.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Fifty years in the maximum security Dogg house. ''[He bangs his gavel.]'' Peace.</poem><br />
:''[Sal pushes the judges back out of the room. Leela glares over at Fry.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Maxi-Padlock: High-Security Women's Prison. A bus drives in through the security gates. The Feministas are put in a holding cell.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Warden]]''': Ladies! Welcome to hell.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Petunia''': Beats Nutley on a Saturday night.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Warden''': This is a privately-owned for-profit prison and I run a tight, cheap ship! I've done this by cutting cost everywhere, especially on punishment. I rely on you inmates to make prison unpleasant for yourselves. You're encouraged to sexually harass new prisoners, organize no-holds-barred catfights and maintain poor hygiene.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Try and make me, copper.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Warden''': Oh... a troublemaker. ''[She laughs.]'' Taste the lash of my 99-cent-store nightstick!</poem><br />
:''[The Warden strikes Amy and the nightstick squeaks upon impact.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Mr. Wong's office in Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Mr. Wong plays with a hologram of the violet dwarf star system.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Yee-ha! With the feministas in jail, it full speed ahead. You and me, Fry. We implode the violet dwarf star tomorrow. Ka-boom-boom.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You and me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Yeah.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Tomorrow?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Tomorrow.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Ka-boom?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Ka-boom-boom.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong pushes down on the plunger and the hologram of the star explodes and vanishes. Fry looks nervous as Mr. Wong is seen evily laughing in the reflection of his tinfoil hat.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is wandering in the Martian Reservation.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hello? Madfellows? I need to- ''[He is hit on the head with a bottle and passes out. Small time lapse and he awakens.]'' Okay, Leo Wong's about to destroy the violet dwarf. So, whatever I need to know to stop him, tell me now.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Alas! Stopping Wong isn't the only problem. One of the Dark Ones will try to stop you from stopping him. So, you must stop it from stopping you from stopping him.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But how can I stop it stop me stop him?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Stop it! Behold, the Omega Device.</poem><br />
:''[Hutch pulls a curtain to the side and reveals the device, which is sitting on a cardboard box.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That's it? The name "Omega Device" sort of conjured up something cooler-Iooking. Not that I'm disappointed or anything.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': The important thing is what's inside.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': What does that look like?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': No one knows, man. It was invented by a blind inventor, and the one dude he described it to was deaf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mad Fellow''': So the legend goes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': When activated, the device will emit a localized blast of delta-band noise to momentarily disable the Dark One.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Like farting in a tent?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': No, an elevator. Which is why you must strike the enemy at point blank range!</poem><br />
:''[The Madfellows agree.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But the Dark One could look like anything or anyone, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Or anywhere.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So, what's your plan to recognize it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': We don't have one.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Got it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': And we don't dare think of one neither. 'Cause if we do, the Dark Ones might sense kind of the general vibe. Even through our mighty foil. ''[He pokes a hole through his hat.]'' Oh, man! Anyone got some tape or some gum?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': As my colleague indicated, the plan cannot come from us, Fry. We were counting on you and your unreadable brain to come up with something.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That was a mistake.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': I see that now.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Freaky thing is, the Dark Ones' thoughts are unreadable, just like yours.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Yes, if we dared unwrap our heads, we could easily locate the one other being whose mind we can't read. The Dark One!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': But then the Dark One would read our minds and crush them like blood pumpkins.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Wait. I can read minds and my mind can't be read. I have a plan.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Great. Whatever it is, don't tell us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Wait. Fry can read minds and his mind can't be read. So he can safely scan for the Dark One...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Shut up! Shut up!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': ...whose mind can't be read...</poem><br />
:''[All of the Madfellows cover their ears and start gibbering over Hutch's voice.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Maxi-Padlock Women's Prison. The Feministas share one cell.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': Leela, time is running out. We must get to the violet star.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, okay. Shut up, already.</poem><br />
:''[Everybody in the cell is confused.]''<br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': Nobody's talking, Leela.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Trixie''': We're just painting each other's toenails with rat blood.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Warden''': Lights out, ladies! Those compact fluorescent bulbs waste pennies a day.</poem><br />
:''[The light flickers off and a door is heard closing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, feministas, all clear.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': ''[She falls off the top bunk.]'' Whoa!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': We now go live to Leela with the escape plan. Leela?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Thanks, Linda. Now we're in here because we tried to save endangered wildlife. So this time, endangered wildlife will save us.</poem><br />
:''[She pulls up her pant leg and shows everybody the leech is clamped onto her leg.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': The Martian muck leech.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That's right. He's been living off me since we got captured. ''[She gets light headed and has to sit down on a bed.]'' Little cutie almost sucked me dry.</poem><br />
:''[She pulls the leech away from her leg and throws it at the back wall of the cell, which it promptly begins burrowing into. The Feministas cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': Look at him go. Like a green snake through a sugarcane cake.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes (on her cell phone)''': Keep trying.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Scruffy is painting the Planet Express ship Electric Mucus again with a large spray can. He shakes it before spraying. Pan over to Zoidberg, who is making the same shaking noise by moving his body up and down. He turns to the ship and vomits the same color all over it.]''<br />
<br />
:''[News segment.]''<br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': Our top story. The universe's most wanted eco-feminists are now behind bars, including gang leader, Turanga Leela. AKA, the Notorious B-I-Itch.</poem><br />
:''[Pull out of the TV to the Planet Express lounge. Farnsworth and Hermes are watching TV on a 304" MagnaPhallix and a commercial for the 308" edition is on. Zoidberg and Scruffy enter.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': We finished un-pinking the ship, Hubert. Now what?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Now we get back to work. And if that means destroying an ecosystem or two, so be it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': I just meant without our good friends Fry, Leela, Amy and the robut.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, boo-hoo. This is a business, not a social club. Money talks.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Lincoln (on a $5 bill)''': True wealth is measured in friendships.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Shut up, you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Scruffy''': Life goes on. But I believe we'll forever carry the pain on the inside.</poem><br />
:''[He licks his finger and turns a page of his Play-Boy-Ar-Dee magazine.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Women's Prison. A rooster crows at dawn.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Oh, no, a rooster! That indicates it's the following morning.</poem><br />
:''[Everybody makes noises as they wake up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': How's that creepy crawler doing?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I'm sorry, femi-sisters, but it pooped out around 3:00 a.m. Poor thing couldn't take another bite.</poem><br />
:''[The leech bites onto her neck.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Well, I guess we failed. But what matters is, we tried our best and we looked good doing it.</poem><br />
:''[There are many thuds coming from the wall. A crack starts forming and is finally broken down from the outside.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Bender, is that you?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Who does it look like? My identical cousin Buster?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Yes.</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You're here to break us out? But you're the one who put us in.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': But I'm Bender, king of the combination shot. I put you in so that by busting you out, I could commit 15 felonies at once. Puttin' my rap sheet miles ahead of yours on the all-time chart.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You are one devious bastard.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': That's what it says on my vanity plate. ''[He bends over and a license plate on his crotch plate reads "1DVS BSTD."]''</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the exterior of the prison. The group is hiding behind a wall near the hole Bender created.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What about the sentries?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Already taken care of. I sent them a cake laced with nutmeg. That's a human sleeping drug, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': No, it's a human baking drug.</poem><br />
:''[Bender groans and smack his forehead.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, Plan B. Everyone knows men have one fatal weakness - they can't resist hookers. Dixie, Trixie, you know what to do.</poem><br />
:''[Smash cut - Bender has been turned into a hooker by means of masquera, a blond wig and eye lashes. Two balloons are strategically positioned on his body and a small amount of fabric covers him.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He walks out with a swagger and speaks in an effeminate voice.]'' Hello, boys! ''[The spot lights are directed at him and he is fired at my machine guns. The firing stops.]'' Your eyes say no, but your machine gun fire says- ''[The gun fire resumes.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Asteroid in the Violet Dwarf Star System. The surface and its animals are covered in a while goo. Pull back from the system to an observation grand stand. There are hundreds of people present.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Ladies and gentleman and whatever, welcome to my most environmentally disastrous implosion ever. A whole star system!</poem><br />
:''[The crowd cheers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Kif, old boy, mind if I sit on your shoulders for a better view?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Well, actually, sir, I was hoping...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zap''': Thanks.</poem><br />
:''[Kif ends up with his head up Zapp's man-skirt and sighs.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': My associate Philip Fry here will have honor to blow this ugly, dirty star into nice, clean black hole.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd cheers and Mr. Wong applauds as well as Fry slowly lowers himself below the podium.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Fry, careful those wires. What you doing down there?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He drops a wire.]'' Just polishing your shoes, Mr. W.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Mmm, that nice. Get between the toes there, very dirty.</poem><br />
<br />
:''[Cut back to the prison. The group is pinned down in Bender's hole in the wall by machine gun fire. Sirens are sounding.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Well, so much for Plan B.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What's Plan C?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All situations have the same Plan C. Bending, come on.</poem><br />
:''[They run towards the closet wall. They reach it and Bender attempts to move it.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': We're boned, Bender. It's a brick wall.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Granted, it's not on the list of approved bendables, but I'm so great!</poem><br />
:''[Bender bends the 50 foot brick wall and only Leela, Amy, Labarbara and Bender escape over it. They take shelter behind a mound of land and hear dogs in the distance.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Dogs! The boning continues.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He pulls a telephone out of his chest.]'' Green Bluebird, this is Mr. Fabulous. We are go for cheesing it.</poem><br />
:''[The Planet Express ship approaches for an extraction. The dogs have reached the ship, but only one can bite onto the tail wing before quickly loosing grip. Gun fire chases the ship as it flies away from the prison.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She enters the bridge.]'' Professor! Hermes! Zoidberg! ''[She looks at Scruffy]'' Uh...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Scruffy''': Scruffy. The janitor.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You helped us escape? Even after we locked you in a go-go cage like common go-go dancers?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': I couldn't live with myself, Leela. I call myself a scientist, wear the white coat and probe a monkey every now and again, yet I put monetary gain ahead of preserving nature. Can you ever forgive me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Scruffy''': I reckon.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I could kiss you, Professor.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Okay, but watch out for my new grill. ''[He smiles and shows his gold and diamond teeth.]''</poem><br />
<br />
''[Cut back to the destruction of the star system. The audience cheers as Zapp takes the stage.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Zapp Brannigan''': Before the grand finally ''[Mispronunciation of finale]'' , as it were, it seems only fitting that I, Commodore 64 Zapp Brannigan, say a few brief pages in honor of...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine (Telepathically)''': Whatever your plan is, Fry, I suggest you get on with it. Get... Shoot, I got hot sauce on my Number 9 shirt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Okay, locate the Dark One by finding someone whose thoughts I can't read.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp Brannigan: And unaccustomed...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp Brannigan (Telepathically)''': By God! I'm the greatest speaker of all time. They're suckling at the teats of my every syllable.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp Brannigan: Allow me now...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif (Telepathically)''': His voice is like ear sandpaper.I miss Amy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon's Head (Telepathically)''': The one secret no one ever suspected is that I really did stage the moon landing. On Venus. (LAUGHING)</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Mom]] (Telepathically)''': ''[She sighs]'' If I had all the money in the world, I'd... Oh, wait. I do. ''[Evil laugh.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Calculon]] (Telepathically)''': I'd like to thank the academy, my agent, and most of all, my operating system, Windows Vista, for everything it... System error.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Snoop Dogg (Telepathically)''': Naked ladies. Naked ladies. Naked ladies. Naked ladies.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong (Telepathically)''': I never should have taken that accent elimination class from Jackie Chan.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp Brannigan''': And so, as we obliterize this star, let us remember those immortal words once spoken by a great man, moi. And I quote, "All good things must come to an end, preferably in a humongous explosion."</poem><br />
:''[The audience cheers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Let's pop this beach ball.</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Ten! Nine! Eight!</poem><br />
:''[Fry lifts his hat up and hears indiscernible chatter of the crowd.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': There's no one here whose thoughts can't be read. No one, except me! My thoughts can't be read. But, but that's crazy. If I were the Dark One, I'd know it, wouldn't I? But, here I am, right where the Dark One would be, about to blow up the star. Oh, God! Somewhere deep inside of me, it's me! I'm the Dark One!</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Two... one!</poem><br />
:''[A crashing is heard and the crowd gasps. Leela has crashed the ship into the observation dome. She exits the ship with a megaphone.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Put your hands in the air!</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps and obliges.]''<br />
<poem>'''Snoop Dogg''': Should we wave them like we just don't care?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That's optional.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': You girl punks gone too far this time. Your parents should be ashamed.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Yes, you should!</poem><br />
:''[Mr and Mrs. Wong gasps and she reveals her identity to them.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mrs. Wong''': Amy?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Amy!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice (Telepathically to Mr. Wong)''': Destroy the star, Leo, hurry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': You got it, Mr. Voice-in-my-head. ''[He makes a howling Kung Fu noise. Him and Leela fight over the plunger. He gets it away from her, but Amy whack him in the stomach with her putter.]'' I've gotta admit, Amy, you got a pretty good swing.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Really? Thanks, Dad.</poem><br />
:''[He reaches out for the plunger, but she whacks him in the chest again and he groans in pain.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, time to defuse this star cracker once and for all. ''[She begins to cut the wire for the plunger.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Leela, wait. You're making a mistake. You have no idea what's really going on.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What is really going on?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I can't tell you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Then why should I trust you? Why?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Because... Because...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You're you. That's all I need to know.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No! Don't do it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Scruffy''': Fiddlesticks.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Leela, are you crazy? We became fugitives and jail-breakers to stop him.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': And hookers, don't forget hookers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Shame on all of you. After everything we've been through together, do you really think Fry would-</poem><br />
:''[Fry pushes down on the plunger and everybody gasps. The camera follows the spark along the wire to a wire that was crudely spliced in. It travels up to the Omega Device, which Fry is now holding to his chest.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Goodbye, Leela. I destroy myself to save you.</poem><br />
:''[The spark reaches the device and it transforms into a mid-evil coat rack. There is a green orb charging in the center of it which then expands, encasing Fry and Leela in a ball for a small moment. It's all over as quickly as it began, leaving Fry and Leela confused. Fry attempts to trigger it again by pushing down on the plunger a few more times.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon's Head''': Where's the boom? I was expecting a boom.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': It didn't work. I'm the Dark One, and it didn't do anything. ''[He throws the plunger to the floor.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': ''[It is emitted from Leela's body.]'' You're not the Dark One, I am.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Leela?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': Not Leela, you moron. Me! ''[It's revealed that the Desert Muck Leech is the Dark One. He screams and falls flat.]'' What did you do to me?</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Ew!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dark One''': I am the Dark One. The very last Dark One. How is it possible I couldn't read your mind? Oh, I am momentarily disabled.</poem><br />
:''[A thunder claps behind them and everybody looks at the Violet Dwarf Star System. The smaller asteroids line up beind the largest asteroid and move as one into the violet dwarf star and it undergoes mitosis.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Randy]]''': ''[He gasps.]'' What's happening out there?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Sal]]''': Somethings wondersful.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': The star and the asteroid. They were an egg and a sperm.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Preacherbot''': Great modem of mercy. Cover the children's eyes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': There are no children here.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Preacherbot''': Then move your fat head. I can't see.</poem><br />
:''[The process is complete and an Encyclopod emerges. The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': The Encyclopod is reborn. A new green age has begun!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mad Fellow''': So the legend foretold.</poem><br />
:''[The Encyclopod moves toward and past the observation dome, displaying the ecosystem on its back.]''<br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Look! Inside its pouch. Extinct Tasmanian tigers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': And dodo birds.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': And white rhinos.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': And striped biologist-taunters.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Striped Biologist-Taunter''': What are you gonna do, shoot us?</poem><br />
:''The Encyclopod circles around the dome and stops in front of the crowd.]''<br />
<poem>'''Encyclopod''': Life! ''[The crowd gasps.]'' These once extinct plants and animals are my gift to the universe. Through untold generations, my race has treasured their DNA. Treat them wisely with the knowledge that all species are precious.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': This is unbelievable. What's going on?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': To answer that, I must tell you a story. A story of two alien species so ancient that-</poem><br />
:''[The Dark One attacks his neck and he falls over. The crowd screams and Fry slaps the creature off Hutch's neck.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hutch, are you okay?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': My sister's femi-necklace. ''[He reaches for the necklace lodged in Fry's head.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': What? ''[It is pulled out of his head and he screams.]'' Hey, how come I can't read your thoughts anymore?</poem><br />
:''[Hutch falls dead with a grunt.]''<br />
<poem>'''Encyclopod''': I shall avenge you, Hutch Waterfall.</poem><br />
:''[The Encyclopod fries the Dark One with a laser emitted from his eyes.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': After all these eons, the Dark Ones are no more. Will you preserve their DNA, O' Great Encyclopod?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Encyclopod: I suppose I should. Wait, where did it go?</poem><br />
:''[Pan to Zoidberg who is licking his claws.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': What?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Encyclopod''': Well, at any rate, I shall preserve the DNA of Homo sapiens.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Huh. I thought you only saved the DNA of endangered species.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Encyclopod''': Farewell. ''[He flies away.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I guess he didn't hear me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Well, looks like that wraps everything up in a nice big, old, fat sack of...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp Brannigan''': I hereby arrest you fugitives on 53 counts of fugivity. Kif, round them up, and spare me the weary sigh for once. ''[Pause.]'' Kif?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': ''[He is running into the ship with the rest of the crew.]'' Wait for me.</poem><br />
:''[The ship backs out of the dome and takes off with the Nimbus right behind it, firing wildly.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Well, this is the end. There was so many things I wanted to say to you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Like what?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Like this is not the end. But mostly just, I love you, Leela.</poem><br />
:''[The ship shakes as it is hit by one of the Nimbus' shots.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Maybe I waited too long to say this, but I love you, too- '''wormhole!'''</poem><br />
:''[The ship is heading straight for a worm hole in space.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Sweet topology of cosmology, it's huge!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': If we fly into it, it could take us trillions of light years away. There's no knowing if we'll ever return.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': What do we do? Should we go for it?</poem><br />
:''[Pause in dialogue. Bender gets a beer out of his chest and opens it.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Into the breach, meatbags. Or not. Whatever. ''[He starts drinking the beer.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.</poem><br />
:''[Fry and Leela kiss as they fly into the wormhole. It closes shut after their transmission.]''<br />
:''[End credits.]''</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Transcript:Into_the_Wild_Green_Yonder&diff=49829Transcript:Into the Wild Green Yonder2009-09-06T02:30:24Z<p>Mini-Me: Be gone!</p>
<hr />
<div>{{transcript infobox<br />
|for=Into the Wild Green Yonder<br />
|thanks to=Mini-Me<br />
|prev ep= Bender's Game Part 4<br />
|prev film=Bender's Game<br />
}}<br />
:''[Pan over space, planets and meteors.]''<br />
:''[Caption: BLACK DWARF SYSTEM - DEEPEST SPACE]''<br />
:''[A green light claps in them middle of the screen and a pulsing, green ripple expands outward. Cut to a violet star.]''<br />
:''[Caption: VIOLET DWARF SYSTEM - SLIGHTLY DEEP SPACE]''<br />
:''[One of the green waves passes over the system and the planets all glow a light green. Zoom into the largest celestial body in the system and into a bubbling pool of liquid in a crater where a strand of DNA is formed. The strand fades into a roller coaster track in Mars Vegas. Some of the Planet Express crew and other characters fly across the screen in a roller coaster car. A parody of the "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas" sign says "Welcome to Fabulous Mars Vegas."]''<br />
<br />
:''[The opening credits start, with a theme song that is almost exclusively tubular bells.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Seth MacFarlane]] (singing)''': You and I will be reborn,<br />
In a future place and time,<br />
If everything our Hindu brethren say is true.<br />
In an age of things that hover,<br />
You and I will still be lovers,<br />
And we'll say to ourselves<br />
That was then and this is, too.<br />
'Cause we'll still find the happening hot spots,<br />
We'll still cruise the cool casinos.<br />
You'll still fly me to the moon,<br />
Although the moon to which you fly me,<br />
Could be Phobos or Deimos.<br />
The psychic worms from Rigel Nine,<br />
Who control everything we do,<br />
Will make us think that was then,<br />
And 3010 is exactly the same as 1962.<br />
Don't expect any changes, my friend,<br />
That was then and this is, too.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A hover grand stand is filled with a crowd of people who overlook Mars Vegas from far away.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Bender]]''': Wow, Mars Vegas. Long live the eternal city.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Leo and Inez Wong|Mr. Wong]]''': Two, one, zero!</poem><br />
:''[He pushes down a plunger and Mars Vegas is levelled by a large explosion.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Rest in hell, Crapville!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A large worm moves through the desert of Mars.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Leo and Inez Wong|Mrs. Wong]]''': Out here in the desert, we’re gonna build bigger, better Vegas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Bathtubs size of oceans, hookers size of bouncers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He blubbers.]'' Hamburger!</poem><br />
:''[The worm has stopped at a station.]''<br />
<poem>'''Worm Announcer''': Stand clear of the closing jaws.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The group stands in a construction site of a new hotel.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yo, you need any girders bent, I know a guy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Amy Wong]]''': So what's gonna be over there, Dad?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': That? That the oasis. ''[A bulldozer destroys a small area of trees and grass. A tree was missed, so a man sets it on fire with a flame thrower.]'' Future site of Oasis Hotel. ''[He laughs.]'' Take that, you stupid Mother Nature.</poem><br />
: ''[A car door closes. Pan over to the Feministas standing behind the caution perimeter with protest signs.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Frida Waterfall]]''': Okay. Let's hit him hard.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feministas''': This land is your land. This land is my land</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Fry]]''': Who are you noisy women?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': I'm Frida Waterfall, leader of the Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, and we will not let you man-doze this beautiful gyno-desert.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Well, I'm Leo Wong, and I say, "Boom!"</poem><br />
:''[He pushes down a plunger and the Feministas are send flying into the air from an explosion. Everybody else laughs as they fall back to the surface. Frida lands on Fry and it is revealed that her Femi-necklace has lodged in his brain. Everybody gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Hey, what happened to my femi-necklace? And where's my mega-fem?</poem><br />
:''[The megaphone hits her in the head and she is knocked out. Zoidberg rushes to Fry with a stethoscope.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Professor Farnsworth]]''': Is he badly hurt, Dr. Zoidberg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Zoidberg]]''': I don't quite know how to say this. ''(Sobbing:)'' Fry is dead!</poem><br />
:''[Everybody starts sobbing, but then Fry groans and wakes up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Wait, not dead. The other thing.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Damn eco-broads! You can't even spray for eagles without upsetting these kooks. ''[He sprays a tree and two eagles fall out, then a cave man falls out.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Leela]]''': Now, hang on. Before you do construction, don't you have to make sure you're not harming any native species?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': You mean, cursory environmental survey? Already done! By top scientist.</poem><br />
:''[He interrupts Farnsworth counting a wad of cash.]''<br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Err, what? Oh, my, yes. You've got the go-ahead, Mr. Wong. This place is deader than last year's cat.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, it's not! There's precious life right here in this scum puddle. ''[He holds up a desert muck leech.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ah! Cyprinodon martius. The desert muck leech. Amazingly, the entire species lives in this one tiny stink hole. ''(To Mr. Wong:)'' Killing these will be so much easier than exterminating those ponies.</poem><br />
:''[He imitates a pony, then imitates a machine gun, then imitates a dying pony.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Wait a second. Leeches may not be cuddly like pandas or tribbles, but these poor endangered creatures deserve... ''[She pets the leech, it makes a noise and then it bites and clamps onto her neck.]'' Get off me! ''[She throws it to the ground.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'll get it with my trusty foot cups: Stompy and Smashy.</poem><br />
:''[Bender tries repeatedly to squish the creature, but Leela bends over to stop him from trying.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, don't kill it! We have to...</poem><br />
:''[When she bends over, the leech bites onto her neck again. She runs off-screen screaming. Mr. Wong is seen pouring a bag of Poison Cement into the hole the leech came from. He then directs a large parking lot paving machine to roll over the area.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': There. They're not endangered anymore. They're extinct. ''[He chuckles.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, they're not. I saved this one. And I'm gonna raise it and care for it, so the world will forever know what it's lost. ''[The leech then bites her eye and she screams.]'' You freaking slime wad! ''[She pulls is off her eye and stomps on it, then stops.]'' No. I killed it. It was the last of its kind. ''[The creature comes back to life and bites onto her knee.]'' Mother-''(bleep)''. Let go of me, you... ''[She holds her leg up and fries the leech with a laser from her Wristlomojacker.]'' Poor thing.</poem><br />
:''[It flies back at her neck and clamps on again. She screams as the camera pans over the Mr. Wong and Fry. Mr. Wong kicks Fry's leg twice to wake him up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Tell you what, Fry. You all promise not to sue me, I give you token for free entry in poker tournament. ''[He slips a poker chip into Fry's pocket on his shirt while Fry is still somewhat unconscious.]'' He took it, you all saw it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Maybe we did, maybe we didn't. ''[Leela runs across the screen behind them, battling the leech still.]'' What's in it for me, Bender?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Okay, okay. Come back when New Vegas opens, I give you all free rooms, free dinner and free tickets to Celine Dion.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Lose the Celine Dion tickets and you got yourself a deal.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': All right, damn it, done!</poem><br />
:''[The crew cheers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All right, I scored.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Wong Hotel & Casino is completed. The crew is playing a row of slot machines.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Look out, Vegas, I've got a system. ''[He inserts a quarter and pulls the lever while laughing. The rolls of the machine land on "OUT OF ORDER," "OUT OF ORDER" and "NO REFUNDS."]'' Oh. I'm bankrupt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He chuckles.]'' You said it, Hermes. He is pathetic, but lovable.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Yup. What? I said no such thing, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I am not acting weird, Leela. Why is everyone talking at once?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Fry, calm down and stop braining.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Yeah, Fry, maybe you need to-</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You're right, Amy! Maybe I do need some fresh air.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Man, I'm worried about him. But not enough to stop gambling for even a single second.</poem><br />
:''[He uses his quarter on a string to scam the slot machine and pulls on the lever. He gets three Leo Wong heads.]''<br />
<poem>'''Three Leos on the Machine''': You win, damn it!</poem><br />
:''[Quarters are dispensed from the machine as bells are going off.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He laughs.]'' It's all in the wrist. ''[He unscrews his hand from his wrist and sucks up the quarters like a vacuum. He sucks quarters out of Farnsworth's pocket as well.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A street in Mars Vegas. Traffic has filled the streets. Cut to Fry's eyes as he walks down the sidewalk of pedestrians.]''<br />
<br />
:''[There is overlapping chatter.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Voices always yelling. Who - who said that? I'm not insane. Stop it. Stop talking in me!</poem><br />
:''[Fry runs into a close alley.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Hutch Waterfall]]''': Voices bothering you, man? I've been there. You need one of these doodangs. ''[He taps on his foil hat.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Over the chatter)''': A foil hat? Of course, he likes pastrami. What about the dog's testicles? ''[Hutch puts his foil hat on Fry's head and the voices quiet.]'' Hey, it worked. The voices stopped.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': They've got a huge selection of carburetors... Hang on. Hang on. ''[He searches through a dumpster for a new hat and finds one with some pizza stuck to it.]'' That's better. My name's Hutch.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hi, Hutch. So what's with the obnoxious, shrieking voices? Are my fillings picking up The View?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': No, man. Truth is, it's other people's thoughts. You're a mind reader.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Although, actually, it was sort of obvious.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': You don't believe me? Take off the helmet.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I believe you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Seriously, do it. ''[Fry sighs and takes his hat off.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': Testing, testing. Do you read me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Loud and clear.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': What?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I said, "Loud and clear." Only I said it with my thinker, not my talker.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Whoa! Freaky. Why can't I read your thoughts?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I don't know. Wait. What's that about a secret society?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Never mind that. Just keep the foil on and you'll be okay. Also, it'll keep the Dark Ones from incinerating your brain.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That's a plus.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': And don't ever, ever, ever tell anyone you can read minds, or the Dark Ones will get you like that. ''[He poorly snaps his fingers.]'' Hang on, pizza grease. Like that. ''[He snaps his fingers and Fry let's out a concerned wail.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Many robots are walking into a theatre that is presenting Gearotica. In the theatre, robot performers are lowered from the ceiling and dance with the music.]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Clamps]]''': Jeez, get a load of the batteries on her. I'd like to get my clamps on those. Give her a jump, you know what I mean? ''[He laughs alone.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Donbot]]''': Whoa, whoa. Show some decorum there, Clamps. This ain't no strip show. This is a beguiling display of the pornographic arts.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Joey Mousepad]]''': Yo, Skip, I can see a guy's butt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael's Wife''': Oh, Michael, this is the perfect end to a perfect honeymoon.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': I love you so much.</poem><br />
:''[They move in to kiss, but Bender lands between them.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Is this seat taken?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': Actually, we...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Slide me those chicken wings. So what part of Podunk you rubes from?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': The north-eastern.</poem><br />
:''[Bender belches fire after drinking a bottle of red wine.]''<br />
:''[Two robots on stage move their hips on a gear until they are close enough to exchange a compact disc from one slot to another. The crowd applauds.]''<br />
<poem>'''Announcer''': Monsieurs et mademoiselles, our circus of the senses now arrives by steamboat in New Orleans, circa 2873. The muted lament of a trombone resonates through the fog, which lingers even now, months after the attack of the fog monster. With but one hope of restoring Gearoticus to his throne, our sensual fate rests in the gyrations of... Fanny.</poem><br />
:''[Fog covers the stage, but is blown away by the air movement from Fanny's fan, which is fixed to her rear end.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh. ''[He stops eating and watches Fanny move her fan around on stage. He stammers and his eyes extend out of his head to zoom in. They extend out farther, then his antenna extends and the woman next to him gasps.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Bender is scatting as he walks toward Fanny's dressing room door with flowers hidden behind him. He knocks on the door and Fanny answers.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Fanny]]''': Yes?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm Bender. Let's do it. ''[He holds out the flowers.]''</poem><br />
:''[The two stare at each other for a few seconds until the Donbot comes out of the dressing room with his gun cocked and pointed at Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Who is it, the Feds?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He gasps.]'' Aren't you the Donbot, head of the Robot Mafia?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Allegedly. And this is my beloved wife, Fanny, whose honor I would proudly defend with a power drill. Well, I gotta go drown a stoolie.</poem><br />
:''[As soon as the bathroom door closes Bender and Fanny start kissing, Fanny's fan is spinning. Suddenly the Donbot opens the door and Bender and Fanny quickly separate]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': I'm gonna be in here a while, so do me a favor and drive my wife home. It's one of them self-driving cars, so just sit in the back and do whatever.</poem><br />
:''[They start kissing again. Fanny twangs Bender's antenna.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Oh, Bender, your lips are intoxicating. It's like kissing an ashtray full of hot wings.</poem><br />
:''[They resume kissing and fall to the floor.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender (As if he were speaking through a fan)''': Aww yeahh!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is peacefully walking down a street. He stops and lift his hat off. The voices grow louder and louder until he puts his hat back on.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': My God, I really can read minds. I have a superpower! There must be something great I can do with this.</poem><br />
:''[He gasps. Cut to Fry standing in front of a Women's locker room door. He removes his hat and quickly walks in.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hello, ladies, I can read your thoughts. ''[Punches are heard and Fry is thrown out of the room.]'' Oh, wait, that's invisibility.</poem><br />
:''[Fry walks by a banner for Leo's Poker Tournament, back tracks to it and gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Poker. With my mind-reading abilities and my invisibility... Wait, no, just the mind reading. I can't lose!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sign me up for the tournament, please.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Administrator''': Okey-doke, Jiffy Pop. Entry fee's 50,000 smackers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': 50,000? Drat, all I have is my life savings and a token for free admission to this poker tournament.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Administrator''': Close enough. ''[He puts the wad of cash in his breast pocket.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': "ELZAR'S AT THE WONG" - The crew plus Fanny is occupying a booth in the restaurant.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': You're having an affair with the head of the robot mafia's wife?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (Off-screen)''': Yup, this is her I'm making out with.</poem><br />
:''[The entire table is shown, Bender and Fanny are laying in the center of it kissing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Bender, are you crazy?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No, it's Fry who's crazy in this one.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Psht, I'm not crazy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You sure you're okay, Fry? I mean, you do have tin foil on your head.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So? You've got a leech on your neck. Oh, and speaking of sucking on your neck, want to go to a movie later?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Elzar]]''': Hey, there! How are you folks doing tonight?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Great. What are the specials?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Elzar''': Well, let's see now. We've got a wonderful grizzly bear that's been dipped in cornmeal and lightly tormented. Questions?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': What was the bear's name?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Elzar''': Jojo.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Ooh, I'll have him.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the entrance of the restaurant, Donbot, Joey Mousepad and Clamps walk in. Fanny gasps, Bender yelps and moves half of his head into his body.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hide me!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': Hey, Donbot, ain't that your wife what with you had that wedding with?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': ''[While sauntering over to Donbot looking rather bloated.]'' Donbot, honey! What a pleasant shock! I was just having dinner alone, when suddenly you walk in on us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Alone, huh?</poem><br />
:''[Her body groans and Bender comes shooting out of her chest cavity.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Where am I? I was exploring a wormhole through space many light years from this restaurant, when suddenly I was surrounded by darkness. '''(To Fanny:)''' Hot, sexy darkness. ''[He purrs sensually.]'' Oh, why, hello, Donbot! Hello, miss, have we met? ''[He shakes Fanny's hand.]'' I'm Bender. The world's most sexual robot. I mean, the world's most boundary-respecting robot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Nice to see you, Bender. Welcome back to our universe. Listen, sugar, I stuck up the Burlington Coat Factory and got you a little something. It's a $49 value.</poem><br />
:''[He puts a white fur coat on her and she spins her fan and squeals with delight.]''<br />
<poem>'''Danny''': Donbot, I love you! '''(To Bender:)''' Not really.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Man, this is great! I always wanted to nail a dame in a fur coat, and now's my chance. ''[He catches himself.]'' I mean, if you'll introduce me to one, sir. '''(To Fanny:)''' One as sexy as you, baby! Bender out. ''[He struts away while humming/scatting. Zoom on Donbot's eyes, they squint, showing Donbot is onto Bender.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''[Establishing shot of the Wong Hotel & Casino. '''Scene''': Fanny and Bender walk through the Casino.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': I never felt so alive, Bender. Listen, this turquoise-encrusted bra is worth 50 grand. Let's sell it and run off before the Donbot gets wise.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He sighs.]'' No. It will take a lot more money than that to make a girl like you happy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': No, it won't.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yeah, it will. Shut up! We'll run off, but not till after I win the Universal Poker Championship! ''[He raises his hand to reveal his plan, reaches into Fanny's bosom, rips out the bra and slams it on the Administrator's counter.]'' One entry, please.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Bender, no! You can't beat the best players in the universe. You're not lucky enough.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh, no? I'm 40% lucky. ''[He bangs on his chest twice.]'' The scrap metal I'm made from included a truckload of horseshoes from the luckiest racehorses in Mexico, who had just been sent to a glue factory.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': They don't sound so lucky to me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Not without their shoes.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The [[The Hip Joint Janitor|Hip Joint Janitor]] walks up to the railing of a casino that has a "Dancing Fountains" display in front of it. He dumps a bottle of Diet Slurm and a pack of Mentos into the water and the show begins. Pan over to Bender, who is getting his foot cups polished by a machine. He is cheerfully humming again and Fanny walks up to him.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Here, Bendy, take this. It will give you 70% more luck. It's the Donbot's lucky robot's foot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All right! With two kinds of luck, I can't lose.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No, wait, three. I stepped on a leprechaun.</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad and Clamps stop in their car when they see Bender and Fanny together.]''<br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': Yo, you see this over here over there?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': I'm powering up the clamps.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': An old store titled "SMALL BILL'S LAUNDERING." The mafia trio sit in the back of the shop.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let us not rush to judgment.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': But, Skip, that was your lucky robot's foot what came off of your lucky leg.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': ''[He turns his chair to the side and shows his missing appendage.]'' While it is true that I did wake up with only one foot this morning, there is no proof that my beloved Fanny was involved. Aside from the hacksaw I found under her pillow.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': Well, what about that Bender guy? You want I should give him the clamps?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Not yet, Clamps. Only one thing can prove that he has my lucky foot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': Torture with the clamps or a clamp-like device?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': No. We are gonna sit tight and see if he wins the poker tournament. He does, that proves he's packing my lucky foot, in which event...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': ''The clamps!'' Or a clamp-like device.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Penn & Teller are hosting the 3009 Universal Poker Tournament at the Wong Hotel.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Penn Jillette]]''': Welcome viewers who fell asleep with the TV on! It's the 3009 no-limit hold 'em championship. ''[The crowd cheers.]'' I'm the massive head of Penn Jillette, and here with a color commentary, my partner Teller. ''[Teller's head is floating in his own jar. As always, he is deceased.]'' Our act really didn't change much when he died.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Pardon me, I'm new to this game. Is this duffle bag big enough for all your money? ''[He laughs and sits down at the table.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He walks up to the table.]'' Bender? Oh, boogers. We're in the same tournament. Quick, get your entry fee back before I bankrupt you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''Pfft!'' In your dreams, nutloaf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Bite my shiny metal hat.</poem><br />
:''[Graphic: "HAND 1." Leo Wong is the dealer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette (Whispering)''': Tex Connecticut, the pride of Kansas City, first to act. ''[He has a Queen and a Nine and calls the blinds.]'' Smiley Spiff, up next. ''[He has a Jack and a Ten and also calls.]'' Looks like Boobs Vanderbilt has a decent pair. Also, she's got two eights. ''[She calls.]'' And Bender Rodriguez picks up a lucky deal right off the bat. ''[He calls as well.]''</poem><br />
:''[Fry looks at his cards. Two Kings. He lifts his hat up a bit and reads Bender's mind.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender (Telepathically)''': Woo! Two aces. I'm thinking guitar solo. ''[He mimics a guitar solo.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''He puts his hat back down.]'' I fold.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': Holy crap! A stunning play by mentally ill newcomer Philip Fry. It's almost as if he knew Bender had two aces.</poem><br />
:''[Pull out of Penn's shot to reveal that he is sitting 20 or so feet from the game table.]''<br />
<poem>'''Boobs Vanderbilt'': Bender has two aces? I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tex Connecticut''': I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Lrrr]]''': I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He laughs and pulls in the chips.]'' Suck my luck!</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad, Donbot and Clamps are sitting in the audience.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': See this gun? ''[He holds up a gun, but then he crumples it in his hand.]'' That's what I'm gonna do to Bender if he wins.</poem><br />
:''[Graphic: "Hand 6." Fry wins. Graphic: "Hand 13." Bender wins the pot, a gold watch and a human baby. Graphic: "Hand 79."]''<br />
<poem>'''Lrrr''': All in. Call my mighty bid at your peril. ''[He growls at the table. Fry lifts his hat.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': My cards are awful, and I need a hug.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I call your bluff.</poem><br />
:''[Fry wins the hand. Lrrr growls at Fry.]''<br />
<poem>'''Lrrr''': I shall annihilate... ''Fry hugs him.]'' '''(Sobbing:)''' I just wanted to make my daddy proud.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Lrrr's Father''': Well, you didn't. I want you and your junk moved out by Monday.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': It's getting pretty intense, folks. Based on the state of decomposition of Teller's head, we're now in hour 19 of the tournament. And the first bad deal of the night for Bender.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hey, pal, help me out here. ''[He holds up his cards - a Seven and a Two.]'' This is the worst possible hand, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tex Connecticut: I'm all in.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All in! I mean, fold. Whatever.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': ''[Leo deals the flop.]'' Well, Bender's luck just ran out. No card can save him from elimination.</poem><br />
:''[Cut back to the table. A giant prop card falls on Tex Connecticut's neck and incapacitates him.]''<br />
<poem>'''Boobs Vanderbilt''': Oh, my gourds! He's dead. ''[A card falls on her as well.]''</poem><br />
:''[The killer cards total 21.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': 21, winner! ''[He pushes the chips to Bender.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Wooo! I'm so full of luck, it's shooting out like luck diarrhoea.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': Wake up, poker fans! We're down to our final two players in heads-up action for the Championship. Your perspective, Teller? ''[A rat eats Teller's left eye.]''</poem><br />
:''[Leo deals cards to Bender and Fry. Fry looks at his cards then raises his hat and looks at Bender, who has yet to look at his cards. Bender refuses to look at his cards. Cut to Donbot who is watching from the crowd and tries to crack his knuckles. He breaks off all of his fingers in the process.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All in.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But-but, you didn't even look at your cards!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Looking at one's cards is a crutch for players who rely on skill.</poem><br />
:''[Fry lifts his hat again. Bender is scatting like a guitar. Fry lowers his hat and gulps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Any day now, Fry. You in or out?</poem><br />
:''[Fry stammers as he looks for an answer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': What's the matter, Fry, you scared? Or just ''[He spins his head around and wiggles in fingers]'' crazy? ''[He laughs.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': All right, all in. ''[Leo deals the cards.]'' Yes! Four aces!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[Fry moves in to take the pot.]'' Ah-ah-ah. Read 'em and weep, and then tell me what they are.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Two kings. And with three on the board, that gives Bender five kings.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But how is that...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': I don't believe it. Bender has just been dealt the King of Beers, a coaster from the bar that somehow got mixed into the deck. But it still counts!</poem><br />
:''[The crowd cheers and music begins playing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Bender win the Championship!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He eats the money.]'' That's some good money. ''[He then belches fire.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': ''[She comes running over with a suitcase.]'' You did it, Bender. You're the greatest.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Tell me something I don't know, sweetass. Now, let's boogie. We'll be in Space Tahiti before the Donbot knows what hit him.</poem><br />
:''[As Bender is walking away from the table, he throws the Donbot's lucky robot's foot behind him and it strikes the Donbot in the face.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Now I am suspicious.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A desert on Mars at night. Bender and Fanny are digging holes. They are illuminated by the Donbot's car headlights.<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Okay, we finished digging this shallow grave. Can we go now?</poem><br />
:''[The mafia trio then shoot Fanny and Bender for a while with machine guns. Part way through the shooting, Donbot stops to check the time and then resumes his firing. Cut to them driving away from the filled in graves.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Planet Express ship lands in the desert.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Sobbing)''': Poor Bender left me one last voicemail before the Robot Mafia buried him in the desert.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (On cell phone)''': Fry, old friend, before I die, I just wanted to say... ''[Beep.]'' Hang on, I'm getting another call. Hello? ''[The gun fire commences and Bender screams.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Line up, people! Everyone take a shovel and one sixth of the planet. We'll meet back here in 50 years, our bodies broken and our lives wasted.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': And you say these are free shovels?</poem><br />
:''[There is a rumbling and a hole begins to form in the sand near them. As the dust settles Bender walks out of the hole with Fanny.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm back, baby.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Bender! I thought the Robot Mafia killed you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Nah, they just shot us and buried us a few times as a warning.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Bender was so brave. He never stopped making out with me the whole time they were shooting us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I sure didn't.</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad pulls up with his car in the background.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': I gotta get back to my husband, baby. Will I see you tonight?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Probably not.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Mr. Wong is playing mini golf at his country club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': It's a 14-footer with a clown hazard. What club you recommend, Baggy?</poem><br />
'''[[Baggy]]''': As on every hole, I suggest the putter.<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Your golf club sure is classy, Mr. Wong. Naked statue classy.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong putts and ends up far from the hole and curses in Mandarin.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It is very nice. I just wish Amy and I didn't have to wear these sexist badges on our melons. ''[They stand up and show their badges that say "WOMAN."]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': We're lucky even to play as guests, Leela. Dad's club has a very strict "No girls allowed" policy.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong putts again and misses, then curses wildly again.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That doesn't seem fair.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': It really is. Everybody knows women don't have the focus to play miniature golf at a professional level.</poem><br />
:''[Amy makes her putt right through the clown's legs and lands it right next to the hole.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But that's the best shot of the day!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Is that my ball? I think that my ball.</poem><br />
:''[He claims Amy's ball as his own, but still misses his small putt and curses in Mandarin again.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Pfft, great putt, Dad.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Okay, we're done.</poem><br />
:''[The sprinklers turn on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Mr. Wong, how do you keep this place so green in the middle of the desert? Doesn't that waste a lot of water?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Nah, we got plenty water, pumped directly from flamingo lake. ''[The flamingos sitting in the lake are sucked into the drain with all of the water.]'' They'll be fine. ''[Pink feathers are expelled from the sprinklers.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The four are travelling in a golf cart.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Oh, yeah, I love miniature golf. Love everything about it, except how damn miniature it is. That's why I'm building the universe's biggest miniature golf course.</poem><br />
:''[A crane picks up a ball the size of the golf car and drops it into a large cannon.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': This the first tee.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Where's the hole?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': On Pluto's moon, Hydra. It's a six-billion-mile par-two. Tough shot, even for a man. ''[Leela groans. Mr. Wong adjusts the cannon with a dial near the tee. He strikes the button that fires the ball and everybody rushes over to a row of binoculars.]'' '''(Leo VO)''': Around the sun. Bank off Jupiter. And right into the... ''[The ball lands short of the hole and Mr. Wong curses in Mandarin.]'' I'll be right back. ''[He gets in a golf cart that has a dome over it and flies to Hydra. Fry, Leela and Amy watch from the binoculars. Mr. Wong smacks the giant ball his his putter, but it stops on the edge of the hole. He growls and curses in Mandarin. He bounces over to the ball and smacks his with his putter again, then kicks it.]'' It dropped in! Put me down for a two.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Two. ''[She writes down 8.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Keep in mind, that just the first hole. For full course, we gonna bulldoze this entire arm of the Milky Way.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What? You're gonna wipe out 10% of the galaxy for a stupid golf course?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': First of all, it 12% . Second, yes, you betcha.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But you have no idea what life forms might be evolving out there.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': That's exactly why I'm hiring an impartial scientist to perform an environmental survey. That's him in the money shower.</poem><br />
:''[Farnsworth is in the money shower, giggling.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Planet Express Ship is flying through a field of asteroids. A light from the turret on the ship scans the space boulders for life.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (VO)''': Delivery boy's log. Having fallen asleep on what I thought was the toilet, I awoke to find the environmental survey in progress.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Status reports, Science Officer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Zilcho. No sign of life or intelligence. ''[He laughs.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': Just like Fry on a date.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He laughs.]'' Hey!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, so we haven't found any life yet. I still don't see why you men can't be happy with regular-sized miniature golf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Leela, evolution has programmed our fabulous male brains to take anything anybody else thinks is important and make it bigger. ''[He takes a slurp of a "128oz. Big Burp."] ''Have you seen my new 301-inch TV?</poem><br />
:''[He presses a button on a remote and a large TV descends at the front of the ship.]''<br />
<poem>'''Announcer''': Hypnotoad is brought to you by the MagnaPhallix 302-inch TV. It's bigger!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, hell! ''[He throws his beverage at the TV and it falls apart.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[An alarm sounds.]'' Captain, I'm detecting life on the spock-o-scope!</poem><br />
:''[Leela gasps. The ship hovers over the planet. Cut to a fish-like creature waddles onto land. It uses its fins as feet and walks around. Pan up to flowers blooming and flying insects pollinating them.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's amazing. It's like a textbook on evolution.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Except in Kansas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': But isn't Mr. Wong building the 18th hole here? And the golf pants museum?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Indeed so. This whole area will be incinerated when he implodes that sun there into a black hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That beautiful violet star?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': It's so you can't keep your ball at the end of the game.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yo, that's messed up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Well, there won't be any imploding once they read our environmental review. Right, Professor?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ohh, twaddle-squat. There's no scientific consensus that life is important.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yeah. Life, schmife.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clip Board''': ''[Farnsworth checks an option.]'' Approved for demolition.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's you and me, ponytail. ''[He cracks her pony tail like a whip.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Nixon's head pulls up in a limo.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Guard''': We're here, Mr. President.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Richard Nixon's head]]''': Arroo! Let's play some mini-golf.</poem><br />
:''[The headless body of Agnew, Nixon and Mr. Wong are playing mini-golf. Agnew is putting.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Now, just give it a light tap, Agnew. ''[Agnew pulls his club up high.]'' No, no, no, just a light...</poem><br />
:''[Agnew grunts and sends the ball hurtling away from the tee. Cut to Zoidberg on a diving board high above a pool.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Now for a triple clam dip, with a double - ''[The ball smashes into his head and knocks him on his back.]'' OW! ''[He falls off the diving board and lands on the concrete surrounding the pool.]'' OW!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Tough luck, Agnew. Looks like you and Wong owe me a Charleston Chew. ''[He laughs.]''</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas blast through a hedge and <br />
<poem>'''Feministas''': Shut up and hear our wisdom. Shut up and hear our wisdom. Save the ecosystem. Save the ecosystem. Shut up and hear our wisdom! Save the ecosystem!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': What gives, Wong? You said no chicks allowed.</poem><br />
:''[Agnew growls.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': We are the Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, and we will not let you...What was it again?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': We will not let you implode the violet dwarf star at galactic coordinates 167.84, -58.03, mark 948.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Already approved, you cackling hens. So get out, or I'll have vice-president Agnew's headless body throw you out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I'd like to see him try.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Me, too. Should look funny. Sic 'em, Agnew.</poem><br />
:''[Agnew breaks his club in half and wanders toward the women. Leela bumps into a parked golf cart and causes it to roll down a hill, toward Agnew.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Runaway golf cart!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Look out, Agnew!</poem><br />
:''[Agnew tries to dodge the cart, but it follows his movements and runs him over.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Whoa!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Aah!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Is... is he okay?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': No pulse.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': They killed the headless remains of Agnew. Arrest them!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': All Feministas she-vacuate the premises. I mean "femises."</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas run away and the presidential guards chase after them. One drives the limo over Agnew's body.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Lounge. Nixon is on TV.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': My fellow Earthicans, these eco-crooks will face the maximum sentence. For killing a headless torso, that's six weeks.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Well, this is embarrassing. Here I've been blabbing on for years about killing all humans, and who actually does something about it? Some chick.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Leela's not a killer, and she's not some chick. She's the chick I love. And don't tell her I called her a chick, or she'll kill me.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A hover-copter flows over the city with search lights. The Feministas are hiding in a building with the sign "Eco-Feminist Reading Room" in the window. When the spotlight passes over it, a Feminista switches it to "Something even less popular."]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Frida (through her megaphone)''': Everyone stay absolutely quiet!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feminista''': That thing's on. Shh!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feminista''': Turn it off!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida (through megaphone)''': Oh, sorry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': How do you turn it off?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida (through megaphone)''': There. Did that do it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''OTHERS''': No. Stop it. Shut up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Here's the button here. ''[An alarm starts wailing from the megaphone.]'' '''(Through megaphone)''': And I think I... Now I got it.</poem><br />
:''[The megaphone squeals with feedback.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Let me give you a hand.</poem><br />
:''[She pushes a button and it turns off. Frida "shushes" her.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': This is awful. I never meant for our protest to have any effect. Now what do we do?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Trixie]]''': Maybe we should just surrender and serve our six weeks in jail.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Dixie]]''': Hey, yeah! We could do each other's toenails and make shivs.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That's crazy. We've done nothing wrong, other than killing and dismembering the vice-president. We need to make a choice, sisters. We can either keep pestering criminals like Leo Wong with silly slogans...</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Yeah. Let's do that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Actually, I meant that to be the less preferable alternative. We can either chant slogans or we can take action.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': What was the first choice again?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I choose to save the environment by sabotaging Leo Wong's golf course. Who's with me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Could we still use our bullhorns?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Absolutely. Bullhorns are a core principle of eco-feminism.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Then I'm in.</poem><br />
:''[They all cheer, then Frida shushes them through her megaphone.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Feminista's vehicle (A VW Camper) is travelling through space.]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Who's ready to kick some sweaty man-butt?</poem><br />
:''[They cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': I've got my pointy man-kicking shoes on.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Trixie''': Those are cute.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': Aren't they? I got them at Nine West.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Simmer down, warriors. Full power to the vagyroscope!</poem><br />
:''[Cut to a street sweeper-like vehicle cleaning up the rings around a planet.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Those dirty rings. I tried soaking them out, even blasting them out.</poem><br />
:''[The Camper stops near the cleaning vehicle. Leela and Frida emerge and pour sugar in the fuel filler.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Are you sure about this? It would be better for propaganda if we weren't using refined sugar.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's okay. The potato we're shoving in the tailpipe is organic.</poem><br />
:''[She clogs the tail pipe and fly away. The cleaner breaks down.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': I smell sabotage. ''[He sniffs.]'' Ooh, and potatoes.</poem><br />
:''[The girls cheer as they fly away from the planet.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Now, unfortunately, the media is going to put a negative spin on this, like when we killed that guy, so to win public support, we'll need a lovable mascot.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Zoidberg is in a room alone with the muck leech. It is in a glass terrarium in the lounge at Planet Express.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': :''[He picks it up and laughs.]'' Squirm all you want, you nasty dumpling. One less species for the universe, one more breakfast for...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Zoidberg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Leela. Me saving things the leech. Not the eating of it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Zoidberg, I'm very surprised at you, slightly.</poem><br />
:''[Leela lets the leech clamp onto her arm and Zoidberg stares, then slurps at it. Cut to Leela leaving Planet Express.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Psst! Leela.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Shh! I'm a fugitive.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I know. I miss you so much, Leela, even more than when you were here.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I miss you, too, Fry. And you probably think what I'm doing is wrong. But it's something I really care about...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You don't have to explain, Leela. You're you. That's all I need to know.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Goodbye, sweet goofbag.</poem><br />
:''[She walks over to the Camper, knocks twice and gets pulled in. They fly away. Zoom out of just Fry standing on the sidewalk to show Zoidberg and Bender are there as well.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Bender''': :''[He sighs.]'' I'll miss her, too, buddy. Dibs on her iPod.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Dibs on her- ohh...</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is walking through the streets of New New York. He comes upon Hutch drinking a bottle of wine in an alley.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Hey, Fry! Long time, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, Hutch! What have you been up to?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Same old, same old. Searching the dumpsters, protecting my thoughts with tin foil, peeing myself.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So, what brings you to Earth?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': It's top secret. Hey, take off your helmet and I'll think it to you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Okay. Here goes.</poem><br />
:''[Fry removes his hat and is bottled by Hutch. Hutch walks over to a dumpster, knocks twice and it mechanically opens. There is a bright light emitted from it. He throws Fry's limp body in and follows. The lid closes as he gets in. Cut to Fry waking up on a mattress.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Where are you? And me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': The Great Hall of the Ancient Legion of Madfellows. Welcome, bro.</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Welcome, bro.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Sorry I bashed your head in, buddy, but I had to. You see, the fate of the universe depends on you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yeah, I get that a lot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': The Grand Curator will tell you more.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Take me to him.</poem><br />
:''[He is the man behind Hutch.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Hey, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': So dig this, Fry. Our commune has been monitoring the universe's life energy for, like, a really long time, and we're grokking some super weird junk.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Um, I don't mean to be rude, but it's kind of hard to take you seriously when you say junk like "grok" and "junk."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''' : What about "commune"?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Especially "commune." Come on, it's the fate of the universe, puff it up a little. Like you could say your ancient order is sensing deep upheaval in the cosmic life energy field.</poem><br />
:''[Everybody murmurs.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Okay. I'll try. So, like, a really, really long time ago... ''[Fry motions "longer" with his hands.]'' Eons ago! ''[Fry gives a thumbs up and he giggles.]'' Cool. Eons ago, the life force we call Chee permeated the universe. ''[He presses a button and a hologram is shown in the room.]'' The Green Chee generated a great upwelling of life across the cosmos. But then, for reasons unknown...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Ooh. "Reasons unknown." Now that's the sort of hook that grabs the attention of me, the viewer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': For reasons unknown...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Nice.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': ...the Chee began to recede, and the diversity of life began to wither. The life forms we know today are but a fraction of a fraction of the magnificence that once existed.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': But a bunch of dudes, right, they totally passed this far-out knowledge down through the ages.</poem><br />
:''[The holograms shows previous Madfellows proclaiming the word with their tin foil hats on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine (VO)''': Some with this knowledge were called prophets, some, fruitcakes. We, the Legion of Madfellows, are their heirs.</poem><br />
:''[The current Legion of Madfellows is shown in the hologram.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, I'm on TV. ''[He waves.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Well, that's the show. ''[He turns off the hologram.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Neat. What's it got to do with me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Ahh, pooperdoodle! I mean, pardon the omission. You see, after untold eternities, we have sensed a resurgence in the Chee.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, that's the violet dwarf star that Leela wants to save.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Freaking nailed it, corndog.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': We believe this star heralds a new green age, and it's your destiny to be its shepherd and protector.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Me? Why?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': 'Cause you got, like, no delta brainwave, man. The Dark Ones can't groove off your thoughts.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Silence, Hutch! You shall learn more in time, Fry. But for now, let's just say we have enemies, enemies who can read minds, except yours. ''[He points with his foot.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Cool. I can't wait to tell Leela.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': No! If you tell anyone, then their thoughts could be read, and our enemies would know of our existence. For the sake of those you love, you must keep this secret. Do you foot-swear?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, okay. I foot-swear.</poem><br />
:''[They perform a "foot shake" agreeing to the terms.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Good. Now, to save the coming of the green age, you must stop this man.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong is shown on the hologram.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I know him. Leo Wong. I work with his daughter.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Oh, good, that will cut about 15 minutes of explanation. You must gain Wong's confidence, infiltrate his organization and prevent him from destroying the violet dwarf.</poem><br />
:''[Fry salutes Nine with his foot. The act is reciprocated.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is in Mr. Wong's office at the Wongminister Miniature Golf Club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Looking for a job, eh?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yes, sir. Nothing fancy. I'm willing to start at the bottom and infiltrate my way up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Sorry, no openings right now. '''(Telepathically)'': What I need is security guard to keep nutcases out of my office.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I'm good at keeping nutcases.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': I said no way. ''(Telepathically)'': Security guard gotta be tough. This idiot don't look like he could handle those feministas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I look like an idiot who can handle those feministas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr Wong (Telepathically)''': He'll have to do better than that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I'll have to do better than that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Hmm. You and I think a lot alike. You really think you can stand up to those eco-freakos?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sir, with me around, they'll be the least of your worries.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The 18th hole of Mr. Wong's course. It's a mess of tubes leading to the green from a giant plastic gorilla head.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Tester''': Stand by, men. And manly aliens. Prepare to test fire King Kong hole.</poem><br />
:''[The manly alien launches the ball at the gorilla. It goes into his mouth and comes out on the green, rolling into the hole for an ace.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': It workses.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tester''': Good job, men. And manly aliens. Construction of King Kong hole complete.</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas' camper is approaching in the background.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Typical. Always King Kong, never Queen... Quong.</poem><br />
:''[A few Feministas leap from the Camper onto the green and plant hooks in the turf and the bumper of their vehicle.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': What are those, hooks? Get out of heres, you hookers. This is my turfs.</poem><br />
:''[The Camper blats off from the green, pulling the turf with it and sending the asteroid, which the green was placed on, spinning out of control and smashing into the tubes.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': ''[He's flying through space.]'' Helpses!</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas cheer as they spray the gorilla head with make-up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You go, gorilla !</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A news broadcast. The vandalized gorilla is used as an image on the story.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Morbo]]''': Our top story. The string of eco-vandalism that began with a harmless vice-presidential killing has spread across the galaxy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Linda]]''': Why do you always get to read the top story, Morbo?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': Because viewers trust a deep male voice and huge, throbbing forehead veins. ''[They pulse in unison a few times.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Not all reaction to the crime spree has been negative. We spoke with several people who viewed these courageous eco-feminists as heroes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Petunia]]''': I just wish there was some way to... Excuse me. ''[She coughs roughly.]'' Some way to show I support 'em. Send them some smokes or something.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': So you make more than twice what I do. What? This just in: Root 2 News has received a video communique from the eco-feminists' unknown hideout.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': This is sub-commander L., den mother of the Feminista Revolutionary Collective, with a message for Leo Wong. Leo, you're a parasite on the universe, and parasites must be destroyed. That's why we've adopted this parasite as our mascot. ''[The leech snarls against the glass of its case.]'' I know it's a little confusing. The point is, even this vicious leech has a right to exist, because it's a part of nature. And that's why a vicious leech like Leo Wong must be exterminated. ''[The Feministas in the background cheer.]'' Again, confusing. We call on women everywhere to join our struggle against eco-chauvinist Leo Wong. We especially need good communique writers. Feministas unite! ''[They pound their breasts twice and throw their fists into the air while reciting that last bit.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': In other news- ''[Linda throws her high heel at his head and it becomes lodged in his ear.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Feministas unite!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Mr. Wong is in his office with Nixon.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Linda (on the TV)''': Feministas unite! ''[The image is paused.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Incredible. Absolutely incredible. You're telling me this TiVo machine can pause and rewind live TV?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': These crazy broads gonna ruin me, Nixon. You gotta help me. Send the army or something. Something big that shoots.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Sir, I don't care if you are my biggest contributor. Our armed forces do not serve your private business interests.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Sorry, I...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': ''[He laughs hysterically.]'' I'm just yanking your chain, Leo. I'm on it like boring on Gerry Ford.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The White House Oval Office. Nixon and Mr. Wong are present.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Zapp Brannigan]]''': Zapp Brannigan purporting for duty. For the love of God, Kif, less piccolo, more fife.</poem><br />
:''[Kiff is playing many instruments as a one-man band. He sighs at Zapp's demand.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Report, Brannigan.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Mr. President, I failed to identify these curvaceous banditas despite hours of staring|at their dossiers. ''[There is a picture of Leela from behind on the cover of the file folder.]'' Yet, I seemed to have stroked myself upon good luck, for a patriot of the highest order has volunteered to lead us to them.</poem><br />
:''[Kif performs a drum roll and Bender walks into the room. Bender says "Hey oh" like Ed McMahon.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': These eco-feminists are ruthless criminals who'll stop at nothing to save the environment. I don't see how a bending unit can catch them.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Not just any bending unit, Presidente. I happen to be brilliant, fearless and short on cash. ''[He coughs and motions for money with his fingers.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Slush him, Kroker.</poem><br />
:''[Kiff opens a wall safe and pulls out a briefcase, which he pulls money out of and counts money as he gives it to Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Bender here has identified the femdito commander as my ex-lover, Turanga Leela, whom I once made love at.</poem><br />
:''[By the end of this line, Bender has taken all of the money from the briefcase and has started emptying the wall safe.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': And he's willing to fink her out for a few simoleons?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': It's not about the money, Nixon, though I'd like much more. It's 'cause Leela's a threat. A threat to my reputation. She's committed 30 felonies in 12 star systems. If no one stops her, she'll break my record for longest rap sheet.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': That's a despicable motive, Bender, and I respect it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Gracias. Now, I could find Leela, but you'll need to authorize a wiretap.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': As many as you like.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I only need one.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Let's call it six.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Question. If you don't know where Leela is, how can you wiretap her?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm not wiretapping her, Greensleeves. You see, like all women, Leela has one weakness.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Bender is descending upon Fry by parachute. Fry is working as a security guard.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hello, weakness!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, Bender, check it out. I'm Leo Wong's new security guard. I got an ID badge and a flashlight, and I ordered this mustache.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Neat. Say, speaking of whatever the hell you just said, I need to make a cell phone telephone call. Can borrow your cell phone telephone?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Okay, but don't restart my Tetris. I was finally about to get one of those pieces that looks like a backwards "L."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Okay, superstud.</poem><br />
:''[Bender walks off screen as Mr. Wong and Amy approach Fry.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Looking good, security. No feministas getting past you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': No, sir. Not on my mustache's watch.</poem><br />
:''[Bender is in the background struggling with Fry's phone.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Fry, I can't believe you're working with my dad against Leela. How can you claim to be her friend and still want her in jail?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He clears his throat.]'' It's a tightrope walk, I won't deny it. It takes the kind of multi-sided thinking your dad's so brilliant at.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': You mean being two-faced?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Don't mind cranky-pants here. She been cranky ever since she was a fat little girl.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Dad!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Can I be brutally honest, Fry? I always wanted a son.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That hurt, but I can take it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': ''[She says something in Mandarin.]'' I knew you wanted a son! Why do you think I became a miniature golf champion? Why do you think I wear these stupid boys' sweat suits?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': To hide your big, fat butt, that's why. ''[He giggles.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Now, sir, in fairness, Amy's butt is actually pretty hot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': What is it with you men? Why does everything revolve around my butt?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': 'Cause it's so big and massive. He and Fry share a laugh.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sorry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': That's it! Why don't you just adopt Fry and make him the son you never had? That'll replace the daughter you don't have anymore!</poem><br />
:''[She grunts as she shoves her way past Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Whoa! What's with Big Butt?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': She just hungry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Here you go, Fry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Thanks.</poem><br />
:''[Bender gives Fry his phone back. There is a large antenna device sticking out of the top of it.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh! FYI, I dropped that Tetris piece in the wrong place and ended the game.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He looks at the screen on the phone. It reads "GAME OVER."]'' No!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is locking up Wongminister Miniature Golf Club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Great! Now Amy's gonna tell Leela I'm a jerk. If only I could explain I'm on a secret mission against evil. Wait. Evil? Yeah, yeah, evil. ''[There is a tapping in the darkness. Fry shines his flashlight around.]'' What's going on in there? A scary noise? ''[He spots Frida hammering a protest sign into the grass.]'' Hey, you're one of Leela's feministas. "Save the environment! Wo-mandate Leo's retirement!" That's terrible writing! Stop making your point so ineffectively! ''[He tries to pull the hammer from Frida's grip.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Take your mands off of me!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He shushes her.]'' I'm on your side.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': ''[She shushes back.]'' Don't shush me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Please, can you take a message to Leela?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': ''[She quickly shushes him.]'' What is it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Just say her sweet goofbag is working to save the violet dwarf star, just like she is.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Very well, I'll fem-municate your man-formation.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He rolls his eyes.]'' Just tell her.</poem><br />
:''[She shushes him again.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express. There is a banner on the balcony which reads "Going out of business forever! Again!"]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Well, this is it, old friends. Planet Express is done for, what with our delivery crew missing and the abysmal sales of Tickle Me Bender.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender Doll''': ''[He doll giggles.]'' Quit touching my junk, pervert!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Hold out your hands and I'll remove your career chips.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': I hate to see it come to an end. ''[His chip is removed and he screams in agony.]'' When will it end?</poem><br />
:''[Farnsworth moves on to Hermes when the phone starts to ring.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Shouldn't you get that, Professor?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': I suppose. ''[He walks off screen, but then rushes back to remove the career chip from Hermes' hand.]'' Hello?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Professor, old buddy, I'm gonna blow up the violet dwarf star. So I need you deliver billion-mile security fence to keep out protesters. Dirty business. Lot of money. You corrupt enough?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Damn skippy! ''[Money is dispensed from the telephone console.]'' Good news, crybabies! We're back in business.</poem><br />
:''[They both cheer and Farnsworth quickly implants their chips back. They both wail in pain. Cut to an exterior shot of Planet Express. The hangar doors open, but the ship blasts through the front entrance instead. A shot of the Violet Dwarf Star System shows the Planet Express ship approaching while making abrupt jolts left and right with Farnsworth at the helm.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Sweet kookaburra of Edinburgh, Professor. You sure you know how to fly this thing?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': I invented it, didn't I? You wouldn't ask Thomas Edison whether he knew how to use a sexmatron.</poem><br />
:''[They all gasps as they see the Feministas' van approaching head on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': The feministas, probably.</poem><br />
:''[As they meet, the Planet Express ship skids to a stop. The van circles around and around the ship while spray painting it pink.<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Halt! What are you doing in this parallelogram of space?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': We're delivering a fence to keep you ladies in your place. ''[He chuckles.]''</poem><br />
:''[A hole is cut through the roof of the ship and the Feministas drop through.<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Amy?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Labarbara?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Labarbara]]''': That's right, husband. From now on, you make your own Manwiches.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Under the articles of the confemiracy, we hereby wo-mandeer this ship.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Oh, no, you don't. It's three against three.</poem><br />
:''[Many other Feministas drop through a second hole and land on the the manly trio.<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Wong Ranch.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mrs. Wong''': That was the greatest play I ever saw. It must have had 20 acts.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong exits the carriage, cracks his back and gasps at what he sees in the sky. It's the Feministas approaching in their pink Planet Express ship with the fence. They drop the fence on them, trapping them in a semi-sphere.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela (over Megaphone)''': We installed your fence, Leo Wong.</poem><br />
:''[Inside the ship the Feministas cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Should we shout a clever slogan?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You mean something like, "The best defense is a good fence?"</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Yeah, something like that, only funny.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I wish we could, but our chief slogan writer is back at the Honeybun Hideout.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the hideout where Frida is working on protest signs.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Does "violet dwarf" rhyme with "men are dorks"? It does through a megaphone. '''(Telepathically):''' That reminds me, I've got to tell Leela about that weirdo who wants to save the violet dwarf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': So, the Legion of Madfellows has a new pawn, eh?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Is somebody here? If you're the DSL guy, you're two days late.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': Who gave you that message for Leela?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': I don't know his name.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': Then you are of no use to the Dark Ones!</poem><br />
:''[She is choked by seemingly nothing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Long lost brother, avenge my death.</poem><br />
:''[She chokes more and falls to the floor.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': Where are your crappy rhymes now, Frida Waterfall?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': I'm dead. I'm dead. '''(Through megaphone):''' Eat only natural whole-grain brea- ''[She is choked more.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
''['''Scene''': Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Fry is locking up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Six, seven, eight. Lock the gate. One, two, three. Turn the key. 30, 50, 10. ''[He sees Hutch.]'' My dirty, shifty friend?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Hey, Fry, long time.</poem><br />
:''[They stare at each other for a moment, then Fry is bottled by Hutch, who then opens the bottle and takes a drink. Cut to Fry waking up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Welcome back to the Legion of Madfellows, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Why'd you bonk me, you idiot? You could have just asked me to come with you. And where are we? This doesn't look like your regular dumpster.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': All in good time! I guess now is a good time. We are on Mars, in a forgotten cavern abandoned by the native Martians a million years ago.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Actually, it was five years ago. I remember 'cause they washed my socks.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': You have done well, Fry. You have ingratiated yourself with Leo Wong.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yup, I kissed his ass from cheek to shining cheek. So, what do I do next?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': As Wong security chief, you will be on hand when he attempts to destroy the violet dwarf. You must not let that happen.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He is taking notes.]'' "Must let happen."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Not happen!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': "Must let occur."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Let me tell you a story. A story of two alien species so ancient that compared to them the human race is a mere college senior! On a distant planetoid they evolved to cooperate in their quest to survive.</poem><br />
:''[A hologram shows a snake and a frog like creature. The frog pushes the snake up to knock a bug free from a leaf. They both eat half of the bug.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Cooperation, because life is a team sport.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine: But, over time, one species evolved a better strategy, and an evolutionary arms race began.</poem><br />
:''[The hologram shows the frog pushing the snake up again, but letting it drop into his mouth instead. The next hologram shows the snake countering this by inflating himself so it won't hit in the frog's mouth and crushes it. The next shows the frog countering this by using a sharp tail to pop the inflated snake. The next shows the snake countering this by growing a natural armour to defend itself from the piercing tail and then inversing its body to ingest the frog.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': That concludes the audio-visual portion of our head-clonk and lecture.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Wait, what happened to the snakes and the frogs? I need to know!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': ''[He sighs and turns the hologram back on. He uses the light to cast shadows on the wall his his hands.]'' The frogs, or possibly the snakes, evolved into vicious killing machines, honed by the merciless forces of natural selection and intelligent design. We call these the Dark Ones!</poem><br />
:''[Pan over to Fry's shadow who shudders and picks his nose.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': These evil creatures preyed on all life, driving species after species to extinction. Meanwhile, however, the second species evolved to fend off the Dark Ones, befriending and protecting all other living things.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Even Celine Dion?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Probably. We call these noble beings the Encyclopods, because their DNA incorporates the DNA of every endangered species they encountered, so they can recreate them if they go extinct.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Just as a pillow, a wig and a corncob pipe can be used to recreate my old girlfriend!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Bingo.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': At the Feministas' hideout.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Transition Announcer 2''': Meanwhile, at the Honeybun Hideout.</poem><br />
:''[Hermes, Zoidberg and Farnsworth and locked up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': There! Now you know how it feels to be locked up in a go-go cage.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': What the hell are you talking about?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': Shut your man-hole.</poem><br />
:''[She presses a button. Music starts playing and coloured lights spin around the room. The three men eerily groan as they force themselves to dance.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': I feel dirty.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the other room of the cave.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Are you sure Fry is working for your father? It just doesn't seem like him to be so evil, or to hold down a job.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': It's true, Leela. Cross My Heart bra and swear to Goddess.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But the Fry I know wouldn't do that. I'm gonna call his cell phone telephone and prove you wrong. ''[She walks over to a phone booth and tries to open the door. The camera pans down and reveals Frida's body is blocking the door.]'' Oh, no! Frida's been murdered!</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas all gasp.]''<br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': Sweet she-cattle of Seattle.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes (from off screen)''': Not your strong suit, woman.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Who could have done this?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Your dad? Nixon?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Fry?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, never. I don't think. Anyhow, there's a crazed murderer on the loose, possibly in the shadows or hanging from the ceiling. ''[They all scream.]'' So just stay calm while I call Fry.</poem><br />
:''[Leela forces the door open and stands on Frida's body while making the call. Cut to Fry talking with Nine.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So where are the Encyclopods and the Dark Ones now?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Wh-... ''[Hutch is cooking a can of food with the light of the hologram.]'' When the life-giving Chee receded, only the toughest organisms could adapt and survive, like the Dark Ones. ''[The Madfellows boo.]'' Many more died out, like the Encyclopods. But, and this is the great secret of our age, we believe they left an egg behind.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Is it edible?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': We're not gonna eat it! Not unless we find a second one. No, Fry, we intend to hatch it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': And that's where you come in.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': And here I am.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': At long last the tide of Chee has returned, and its nourishing flow has awakened the dormant egg.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That's good.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': It's better than good. It's better. With its massive stash of DNA, the Encyclopod can reconstruct every species that ever went extinct.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Imagine, all the animals that failed evolution's test, alive again! The dodo bird, the brittle-klutz, the striped biologist-taunter.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So, where is this egg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': In the violet dwarf star system.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': And what does it look like?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': A violet dwarf star!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You mean, the whole star is a single... Whoa! Sci-fi.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Alas! Even now, a Dark One is headed to the star to ensure its destruction.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Dang! So what does this Dark One look like?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': ''[He sighs.]'' We don't know. I admit it's a horrifically grave situation.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Don't sugarcoat it, Nine. The Dark Ones have been evolving so long, it could be anything or anyone. Or anybody.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You mean, like, people?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Any people. It will kill the egg, and every dude, woman and child who knows about it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Even our crazy caps will be useless at close range. That's why only you, with your defective unreadable brainwave, may be able to thwart them and usher in a new green age of wonder and...</poem><br />
:''[Fry's cell phone starts ringing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You're on Fry-time. Leela! Did you get my message?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What message?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Didn't you see Frida Waterfall?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She gasps.]''So you did kill Frida Waterfall?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': What? No. I told her to tell you that I'm... Oh, Jeep! The Dark Ones got her. It's all true. We need to talk, Leela. Then I can explain... ''[Nine motions "No!"]'' Well, I can't explain anything, but we should talk anyway. Where are you?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Oh, no. I'm not gonna expose the Honeybun Hideout. Where are you?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Near the Keeler Crater on Mars. Do you know it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I, I, uh... I think I read about it.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to Bender, Zapp and Kif listening in on the call.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She is heard through a speaker on the Nimbus.]'' I'll meet you at the south rim in one hour. No moustaches.</poem><br />
:''[Leela hangs up and Bender turns off the speaker and does an evil laugh.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Kif, set coordinates, 36-24-36. AKA, Leela.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Mars, the southern rim of the Keeler Crater.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Ten minutes late. Ain't that just like a womanista?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Psst. Are you alone?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Of course, don't you trust me?</poem><br />
:''[The Nimbus emerges on the horizon.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp (over PA)''': There's no escape, Leela. If you surrender, wave your shirt in the air.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Fry, you traitor!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy (over PA)''': Hop onto the magnet, Leela!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay. One, two... ''[Her boots are pulled to the magnet. She screams and Fry laughs, but he is grabbed by the ears and pulled along with her. The Planet Express ship takes off with the Nimbus chasing after it.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She throws him in the go-go cage.]'' I can't believe you ratted me out, Fry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I'm not a rat, I swear. If I'm any rodent, it's the loyal capybara, king of the rats! No, wait.</poem><br />
:''[The ship is hit by a shot from the Nimbus.]''<br />
<poem>'''Linda''': This just in, we are about to get our asses blown off. Labarbara?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': That's right, Linda. ''[She screams.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Stay strong, ladies. We can lose them in the giant miniature golf course.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But the course isn't finished. And there's no girls allowed.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Fore! ''[She pulls the steering wheel to the right with her club.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': So, they want to play mini golf, eh? Two can play at that game. Or even four, depending on the number of ball colors available.</poem><br />
:''[Bender and Kif sigh at the same time.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': I choose pink.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': That's their color, sir.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': The hell it is.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': They're gaining on us. We need a birdie on the windmill hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Wait. Wait. Drop the boot!</poem><br />
:''[They make it through and everybody cheers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Sir, at our present speed, the computer predicts a 100% chance we'll be sliced in half. We'll never make it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Not with that attitude, we won't. Same speed ahead!</poem><br />
:''[The Nimbus is sliced in half by a blade of the windmill. The trail of smoke is polluted by bodies of suffocating soldiers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': We made it through, Kif. How many men did we lose?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': All of them.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Well, at least they won't have to mourn each other. Seal the airlocks, and draw the shades. Resume shooting.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, no! The gorilla! That's a par-four!</poem><br />
:''[Everybody screams.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': The mouth's too dangerous. I'm going for the nose.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Don't be a sucker. You won't come out anywhere near the hole. You need to aim for the jaws just when they start to close.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Start to close? Are you out of your...</poem><br />
:''[Amy holds up her magazine cover of herself on Mini-Golf Digest. Leela aims for the mouth and makes it through.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': We made it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Captaining 101 . Go for the nose.</poem><br />
:''[The ship enters the right nostril and exits the left then rams into the banana. Everybody is thrown to the floor and a fire starts.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': My arms are broken, I'll never paint again. ''[He starts crying.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': You can't sue the military.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm okay then.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Damage report.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': We lost all remaining food and oxygen, Captain. As well as our XM Radio antenna.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Then this chase is over. Kif, set course for the nearest XM repair facility. Meanwhile, we shall sing top hits from the '80s.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Which '80s, sir?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': For me, there are only one '80s. ''[The ships slowly heads away from the chase.]'' '''(VO)''': Smell like I sound, ''[Kif groans.]'' I'm lost and I'm found. ''[Kif groans.]''And I'm hungry like the wolf.</poem><br />
:''[Cut back to the Planet Express ship traversing the mini-golf pipe. Everybody screams while in the yellow tube.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': The shot was too good! We're jamming straight for the hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': We're gonna crash, even.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Shmeesh, shmill out, shmeverybody. It's a wormhole hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Of course, a wormhole! We'll simply disappear and reappear in a... ''[They enter the wormhole.]'' ...nother part of the universe.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': We made it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Uh, whaa...</poem><br />
:''[The occupants of the ship cheer, but are silenced after they realize they are right back with the Nimbus.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Crud nuggets! We de-spaced right next to the Nimbus.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Just when you think the chase is over, it gets twice as exciting!</poem><br />
:''[The three comrades are sitting in the bridge, Bender still humming "Hungry Like a Wolf" by Duran Duran, when he spots the opposing ship.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hey, look at that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Well, well, well. My bloodhound-like instincts must have hunted them down while my other parts were throbbing to Duran Duran.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Shall I initiate a pointless and potentially fatal pursuit?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Make it so.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': It's gonna be fun on a bun, in space.</poem><br />
:''[The Nimbus starts up and takes off from the XM repair station, severely damaging it. The Planet Express ship flies by the Violet Dwarf Star System and observes the life on it.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Look! The asteroid. Now it's crawling with life. Like Zoidberg's sandals!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Wow! It's incredible.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But it'll be destroyed when Leo Wong blows up the violet dwarf. So why are you helping him?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I can't tell you, Leela. You just have to trust me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You keep saying that, but you have to give me something to go on or I...</poem><br />
:''[An alarm goes off.]''<br />
<poem>'''Planet Express Ship Alarm''': Out of whale oil. Out of whale oil.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She gasps.]'' The out-of-fuel indicator. It's indicating.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Say, what's that violet-colored dwarf-like star thing we're drifting into?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': The violet dwarf star!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Of course. The gorilla was the 18th hole, so we're headed into the ball return.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Aye, what else now can go wrong?</poem><br />
:''[The ship shakes and there is a loud crash.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp on the monitor)''': Ladies, you're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded again and again.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Petunia''': He'll never take me alive. ''[She starts hacking up smoke.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Don't give up yet. I've got one more trick up my sleeve.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': That's exactly the number we need.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to Kif and Zapp. They leap from the Nimbus and float down to the Planet Express ship. They settle at the window of the ship.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Ah, the fairer sex.</poem><br />
:''[Fry, Zoidberg, Hermes and Farnsworth are dancing in the go-go cage.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Something's very wrong here, and yet a little bit right.</poem><br />
:''[Guns are cocked.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela (off-screen)''': Not so fast, Brannigan. ''[All nine of them have guns.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (off-screen)''': Even less fast, feministas! ''[He has a gun that controls nine other guns.]''</poem><br />
:''[They all gasps.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Bender?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All two tons of me.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Earth Supreme Court]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bailiff''': Oye, oye, oye. All rise for the honorable Chief Justice D-O-G-G and the Associate Justices.</poem><br />
:''[Sal pulls the judges out from the back room.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Judge Dogg]]''': Yo. Seat it or beat it. The charges against y'all femditos is murder, mayhem, vandalism, kidnapping and resisting arrest. Damn! The big five. You may now make your opening "what you got to say for yourselves."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': May it please the Court... ''[Judge Dogg slams his gavel.]'' I mean, may it plizzle the cozizzle.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Proceed.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': These charges are outrageous. Our only goal was to save a rare violet star and its precious ecosystem. If protecting the environment is a crime, then...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Protecting the environment is a crime.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela': ''[She clears her throat.]'' I rest my mouth.</poem><br />
:''[Time lapse]''<br />
<poem>'''Bailiff''': Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': I... Well, now, I... Am I under oath when I take the oath?</poem><br />
:''[Time lapse]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Ruth Ginsberg's Head]]''': Can the witness identify the feminista leader?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': That's her right there, with the "I'm gonna kill you Bender" look in her eye.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Antonin Scalia's Head]]''': Hey, aren't you the robot who robbed me at gunpoint last year?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No further answers, Your Honor.</poem><br />
:''[Time lapse]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Please, Justice Dogg, Leela and her friends are completely innocent.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Hold up. Were you or were you not abducted by these hoes?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Well, abducted is such an ugly word.</poem><br />
:''[Time lapse]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Thomas]]''': Mr. Wong, the court cannot compel you to testify against your own daughter.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': No. No, I want to. Also, I got something to say about my wife.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to Judge Dogg, who is listening to music on headphones.]''<br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Aw, yeah. Having heard some of the testimony over these jams I've been listening to, me and my crew will now kick it in the mix.</poem><br />
:''[The Bailiff connects all of the judges together. Their heads spin and electricity arcs between them as they deliberate. A pan across the Feministas show they are all holding hands. When Leela appears on the screen, she is holding hands with Zapp, who is grinning and waves at her with his fingers. She cracks his fingers and he falls to the floor in pain. The judges stop deliberating and Judge Dogg's jar is emitting bubbles and smoke.]''<br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': A'ight. We got us a verdict up in this ''High'' Court. Bailiff, drop it like it's legal precedent.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bailiff''': In the matter of Leo Wong v. The Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, four justices vote to convict, five to acquit.</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Antonin Scalia's Head''': However, since the vote was strictly along gender lines and the female justices' votes only count half, you are hereby found guilty.</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas groan.]''<br />
<poem>'''Ruth Ginsberg's Head''': It's a humiliating and biased system, but it works.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Fifty years in the maximum security Dogg house. ''[He bangs his gavel.]'' Peace.</poem><br />
:''[Sal pushes the judges back out of the room. Leela glares over at Fry.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Maxi-Padlock: High-Security Women's Prison. A bus drives in through the security gates. The Feministas are put in a holding cell.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Warden]]''': Ladies! Welcome to hell.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Petunia''': Beats Nutley on a Saturday night.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Warden''': This is a privately-owned for-profit prison and I run a tight, cheap ship! I've done this by cutting cost everywhere, especially on punishment. I rely on you inmates to make prison unpleasant for yourselves. You're encouraged to sexually harass new prisoners, organize no-holds-barred catfights and maintain poor hygiene.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Try and make me, copper.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Warden''': Oh... a troublemaker. ''[She laughs.]'' Taste the lash of my 99-cent-store nightstick!</poem><br />
:''[The Warden strikes Amy and the nightstick squeaks upon impact.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Mr. Wong's office in Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Mr. Wong plays with a hologram of the violet dwarf star system.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Yee-ha! With the feministas in jail, it full speed ahead. You and me, Fry. We implode the violet dwarf star tomorrow. Ka-boom-boom.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You and me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Yeah.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Tomorrow?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Tomorrow.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Ka-boom?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Ka-boom-boom.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong pushes down on the plunger and the hologram of the star explodes and vanishes. Fry looks nervous as Mr. Wong is seen evily laughing in the reflection of his tinfoil hat.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is wandering in the Martian Reservation.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hello? Madfellows? I need to- ''[He is hit on the head with a bottle and passes out. Small time lapse and he awakens.]'' Okay, Leo Wong's about to destroy the violet dwarf. So, whatever I need to know to stop him, tell me now.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Alas! Stopping Wong isn't the only problem. One of the Dark Ones will try to stop you from stopping him. So, you must stop it from stopping you from stopping him.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But how can I stop it stop me stop him?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Stop it! Behold, the Omega Device.</poem><br />
:''[Hutch pulls a curtain to the side and reveals the device, which is sitting on a cardboard box.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That's it? The name "Omega Device" sort of conjured up something cooler-Iooking. Not that I'm disappointed or anything.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': The important thing is what's inside.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': What does that look like?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': No one knows, man. It was invented by a blind inventor, and the one dude he described it to was deaf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mad Fellow''': So the legend goes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': When activated, the device will emit a localized blast of delta-band noise to momentarily disable the Dark One.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Like farting in a tent?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': No, an elevator. Which is why you must strike the enemy at point blank range!</poem><br />
:''[The Madfellows agree.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But the Dark One could look like anything or anyone, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Or anywhere.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So, what's your plan to recognize it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': We don't have one.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Got it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': And we don't dare think of one neither. 'Cause if we do, the Dark Ones might sense kind of the general vibe. Even through our mighty foil. ''[He pokes a hole through his hat.]'' Oh, man! Anyone got some tape or some gum?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': As my colleague indicated, the plan cannot come from us, Fry. We were counting on you and your unreadable brain to come up with something.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That was a mistake.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': I see that now.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Freaky thing is, the Dark Ones' thoughts are unreadable, just like yours.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Yes, if we dared unwrap our heads, we could easily locate the one other being whose mind we can't read. The Dark One!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': But then the Dark One would read our minds and crush them like blood pumpkins.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Wait. I can read minds and my mind can't be read. I have a plan.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Great. Whatever it is, don't tell us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Wait. Fry can read minds and his mind can't be read. So he can safely scan for the Dark One...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Shut up! Shut up!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': ...whose mind can't be read...</poem><br />
:''[All of the Madfellows cover their ears and start gibbering over Hutch's voice.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Maxi-Padlock Women's Prison. The Feministas share one cell.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': Leela, time is running out. We must get to the violet star.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, okay. Shut up, already.</poem><br />
:''[Everybody in the cell is confused.]''<br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': Nobody's talking, Leela.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Trixie''': We're just painting each other's toenails with rat blood.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Warden''': Lights out, ladies! Those compact fluorescent bulbs waste pennies a day.</poem><br />
:''[The light flickers off and a door is heard closing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, feministas, all clear.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': ''[She falls off the top bunk.]'' Whoa!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': We now go live to Leela with the escape plan. Leela?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Thanks, Linda. Now we're in here because we tried to save endangered wildlife. So this time, endangered wildlife will save us.</poem><br />
:''[She pulls up her pant leg and shows everybody the leech is clamped onto her leg.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': The Martian muck leech.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That's right. He's been living off me since we got captured. ''[She gets light headed and has to sit down on a bed.]'' Little cutie almost sucked me dry.</poem><br />
:''[She pulls the leech away from her leg and throws it at the back wall of the cell, which it promptly begins burrowing into. The Feministas cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': Look at him go. Like a green snake through a sugarcane cake.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes (on her cell phone)''': Keep trying.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Scruffy is painting the Planet Express ship Electric Mucus again with a large spray can. He shakes it before spraying. Pan over to Zoidberg, who is making the same shaking noise by moving his body up and down. He turns to the ship and vomits the same color all over it.]''<br />
<br />
:''[News segment.]''<br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': Our top story. The universe's most wanted eco-feminists are now behind bars, including gang leader, Turanga Leela. AKA, the Notorious B-I-Itch.</poem><br />
:''[Pull out of the TV to the Planet Express lounge. Farnsworth and Hermes are watching TV on a 304" MagnaPhallix and a commercial for the 308" edition is on. Zoidberg and Scruffy enter.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': We finished un-pinking the ship, Hubert. Now what?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Now we get back to work. And if that means destroying an ecosystem or two, so be it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': I just meant without our good friends Fry, Leela, Amy and the robut.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, boo-hoo. This is a business, not a social club. Money talks.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Lincoln (on a $5 bill)''': True wealth is measured in friendships.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Shut up, you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Scruffy''': Life goes on. But I believe we'll forever carry the pain on the inside.</poem><br />
:''[He licks his finger and turns a page of his Play-Boy-Ar-Dee magazine.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Women's Prison. A rooster crows at dawn.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Oh, no, a rooster! That indicates it's the following morning.</poem><br />
:''[Everybody makes noises as they wake up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': How's that creepy crawler doing?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I'm sorry, femi-sisters, but it pooped out around 3:00 a.m. Poor thing couldn't take another bite.</poem><br />
:''[The leech bites onto her neck.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Well, I guess we failed. But what matters is, we tried our best and we looked good doing it.</poem><br />
:''[There are many thuds coming from the wall. A crack starts forming and is finally broken down from the outside.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Bender, is that you?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Who does it look like? My identical cousin Buster?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Yes.</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You're here to break us out? But you're the one who put us in.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': But I'm Bender, king of the combination shot. I put you in so that by busting you out, I could commit 15 felonies at once. Puttin' my rap sheet miles ahead of yours on the all-time chart.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You are one devious bastard.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': That's what it says on my vanity plate. ''[He bends over and a license plate on his crotch plate reads "1DVS BSTD."]''</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the exterior of the prison. The group is hiding behind a wall near the hole Bender created.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What about the sentries?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Already taken care of. I sent them a cake laced with nutmeg. That's a human sleeping drug, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': No, it's a human baking drug.</poem><br />
:''[Bender groans and smack his forehead.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, Plan B. Everyone knows men have one fatal weakness - they can't resist hookers. Dixie, Trixie, you know what to do.</poem><br />
:''[Smash cut - Bender has been turned into a hooker by means of masquera, a blond wig and eye lashes. Two balloons are strategically positioned on his body and a small amount of fabric covers him.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He walks out with a swagger and speaks in an effeminate voice.]'' Hello, boys! ''[The spot lights are directed at him and he is fired at my machine guns. The firing stops.]'' Your eyes say no, but your machine gun fire says- ''[The gun fire resumes.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Asteroid in the Violet Dwarf Star System. The surface and its animals are covered in a while goo. Pull back from the system to an observation grand stand. There are hundreds of people present.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Ladies and gentleman and whatever, welcome to my most environmentally disastrous implosion ever. A whole star system!</poem><br />
:''[The crowd cheers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Kif, old boy, mind if I sit on your shoulders for a better view?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Well, actually, sir, I was hoping...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zap''': Thanks.</poem><br />
:''[Kif ends up with his head up Zapp's man-skirt and sighs.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': My associate Philip Fry here will have honor to blow this ugly, dirty star into nice, clean black hole.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd cheers and Mr. Wong applauds as well as Fry slowly lowers himself below the podium.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Fry, careful those wires. What you doing down there?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He drops a wire.]'' Just polishing your shoes, Mr. W.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Mmm, that nice. Get between the toes there, very dirty.</poem><br />
<br />
:''[Cut back to the prison. The group is pinned down in Bender's hole in the wall by machine gun fire. Sirens are sounding.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Well, so much for Plan B.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What's Plan C?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All situations have the same Plan C. Bending, come on.</poem><br />
:''[They run towards the closet wall. They reach it and Bender attempts to move it.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': We're boned, Bender. It's a brick wall.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Granted, it's not on the list of approved bendables, but I'm so great!</poem><br />
:''[Bender bends the 50 foot brick wall and only Leela, Amy, Labarbara and Bender escape over it. They take shelter behind a mound of land and hear dogs in the distance.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Dogs! The boning continues.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He pulls a telephone out of his chest.]'' Green Bluebird, this is Mr. Fabulous. We are go for cheesing it.</poem><br />
:''[The Planet Express ship approaches for an extraction. The dogs have reached the ship, but only one can bite onto the tail wing before quickly loosing grip. Gun fire chases the ship as it flies away from the prison.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She enters the bridge.]'' Professor! Hermes! Zoidberg! ''[She looks at Scruffy]'' Uh...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Scruffy''': Scruffy. The janitor.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You helped us escape? Even after we locked you in a go-go cage like common go-go dancers?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': I couldn't live with myself, Leela. I call myself a scientist, wear the white coat and probe a monkey every now and again, yet I put monetary gain ahead of preserving nature. Can you ever forgive me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Scruffy''': I reckon.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I could kiss you, Professor.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Okay, but watch out for my new grill. ''[He smiles and shows his gold and diamond teeth.]''</poem><br />
<br />
''[Cut back to the destruction of the star system. The audience cheers as Zapp takes the stage.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Zapp Brannigan''': Before the grand finally ''[Mispronunciation of finale]'' , as it were, it seems only fitting that I, Commodore 64 Zapp Brannigan, say a few brief pages in honor of...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine (Telepathically)''': Whatever your plan is, Fry, I suggest you get on with it. Get... Shoot, I got hot sauce on my Number 9 shirt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Okay, locate the Dark One by finding someone whose thoughts I can't read.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp Brannigan: And unaccustomed...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp Brannigan (Telepathically)''': By God! I'm the greatest speaker of all time. They're suckling at the teats of my every syllable.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp Brannigan: Allow me now...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif (Telepathically)''': His voice is like ear sandpaper.I miss Amy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon's Head (Telepathically)''': The one secret no one ever suspected is that I really did stage the moon landing. On Venus. (LAUGHING)</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Mom]] (Telepathically)''': ''[She sighs]'' If I had all the money in the world, I'd... Oh, wait. I do. ''[Evil laugh.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Calculon]] (Telepathically)''': I'd like to thank the academy, my agent, and most of all, my operating system, Windows Vista, for everything it... System error.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Snoop Dogg (Telepathically)''': Naked ladies. Naked ladies. Naked ladies. Naked ladies.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong (Telepathically)''': I never should have taken that accent elimination class from Jackie Chan.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp Brannigan''': And so, as we obliterize this star, let us remember those immortal words once spoken by a great man, moi. And I quote, "All good things must come to an end, preferably in a humongous explosion."</poem><br />
:''[The audience cheers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Let's pop this beach ball.</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Ten! Nine! Eight!</poem><br />
:''[Fry lifts his hat up and hears indiscernible chatter of the crowd.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': There's no one here whose thoughts can't be read. No one, except me! My thoughts can't be read. But, but that's crazy. If I were the Dark One, I'd know it, wouldn't I? But, here I am, right where the Dark One would be, about to blow up the star. Oh, God! Somewhere deep inside of me, it's me! I'm the Dark One!</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Two... one!</poem><br />
:''[A crashing is heard and the crowd gasps. Leela has crashed the ship into the observation dome. She exits the ship with a megaphone.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Put your hands in the air!</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps and obliges.]''<br />
<poem>'''Snoop Dogg''': Should we wave them like we just don't care?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That's optional.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': You girl punks gone too far this time. Your parents should be ashamed.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Yes, you should!</poem><br />
:''[Mr and Mrs. Wong gasps and she reveals her identity to them.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mrs. Wong''': Amy?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Amy!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice (Telepathically to Mr. Wong)''': Destroy the star, Leo, hurry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': You got it, Mr. Voice-in-my-head. ''[He makes a howling Kung Fu noise. Him and Leela fight over the plunger. He gets it away from her, but Amy whack him in the stomach with her putter.]'' I've gotta admit, Amy, you got a pretty good swing.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Really? Thanks, Dad.</poem><br />
:''[He reaches out for the plunger, but she whacks him in the chest again and he groans in pain.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, time to defuse this star cracker once and for all. ''[She begins to cut the wire for the plunger.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Leela, wait. You're making a mistake. You have no idea what's really going on.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What is really going on?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I can't tell you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Then why should I trust you? Why?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Because... Because...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You're you. That's all I need to know.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No! Don't do it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Scruffy''': Fiddlesticks.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Leela, are you crazy? We became fugitives and jail-breakers to stop him.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': And hookers, don't forget hookers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Shame on all of you. After everything we've been through together, do you really think Fry would-</poem><br />
:''[Fry pushes down on the plunger and everybody gasps. The camera follows the spark along the wire to a wire that was crudely spliced in. It travels up to the Omega Device, which Fry is now holding to his chest.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Goodbye, Leela. I destroy myself to save you.</poem><br />
:''[The spark reaches the device and it transforms into a mid-evil coat rack. There is a green orb charging in the center of it which then expands, encasing Fry and Leela in a ball for a small moment. It's all over as quickly as it began, leaving Fry and Leela confused. Fry attempts to trigger it again by pushing down on the plunger a few more times.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon's Head''': Where's the boom? I was expecting a boom.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': It didn't work. I'm the Dark One, and it didn't do anything. ''[He throws the plunger to the floor.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': ''[It is emitted from Leela's body.]'' You're not the Dark One, I am.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Leela?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': Not Leela, you moron. Me! ''[It's revealed that the Desert Muck Leech is the Dark One. He screams and falls flat.]'' What did you do to me?</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Ew!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dark One''': I am the Dark One. The very last Dark One. How is it possible I couldn't read your mind? Oh, I am momentarily disabled.</poem><br />
:''[A thunder claps behind them and everybody looks at the Violet Dwarf Star System. The smaller asteroids line up beind the largest asteroid and move as one into the violet dwarf star and it undergoes mitosis.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Randy]]''': ''[He gasps.]'' What's happening out there?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Sal]]''': Somethings wondersful.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': The star and the asteroid. They were an egg and a sperm.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Preacherbot''': Great modem of mercy. Cover the children's eyes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': There are no children here.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Preacherbot''': Then move your fat head. I can't see.</poem><br />
:''[The process is complete and an Encyclopod emerges. The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': The Encyclopod is reborn. A new green age has begun!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mad Fellow''': So the legend foretold.</poem><br />
:''[The Encyclopod moves toward and past the observation dome, displaying the ecosystem on its back.]''<br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Look! Inside its pouch. Extinct Tasmanian tigers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': And dodo birds.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': And white rhinos.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': And striped biologist-taunters.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Striped Biologist-Taunter''': What are you gonna do, shoot us?</poem><br />
:''The Encyclopod circles around the dome and stops in front of the crowd.]''<br />
<poem>'''Encyclopod''': Life! ''[The crowd gasps.]'' These once extinct plants and animals are my gift to the universe. Through untold generations, my race has treasured their DNA. Treat them wisely with the knowledge that all species are precious.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': This is unbelievable. What's going on?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': To answer that, I must tell you a story. A story of two alien species so ancient that-</poem><br />
:''[The Dark One attacks his neck and he falls over. The crowd screams and Fry slaps the creature off Hutch's neck.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hutch, are you okay?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': My sister's femi-necklace. ''[He reaches for the necklace lodged in Fry's head.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': What? ''[It is pulled out of his head and he screams.]'' Hey, how come I can't read your thoughts anymore?</poem><br />
:''[Hutch falls dead with a grunt.]''<br />
<poem>'''Encyclopod''': I shall avenge you, Hutch Waterfall.</poem><br />
:''[The Encyclopod fries the Dark One with a laser emitted from his eyes.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': After all these eons, the Dark Ones are no more. Will you preserve their DNA, O' Great Encyclopod?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Encyclopod: I suppose I should. Wait, where did it go?</poem><br />
:''[Pan to Zoidberg who is licking his claws.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': What?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Encyclopod''': Well, at any rate, I shall preserve the DNA of Homo sapiens.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Huh. I thought you only saved the DNA of endangered species.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Encyclopod''': Farewell. ''[He flies away.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I guess he didn't hear me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Well, looks like that wraps everything up in a nice big, old, fat sack of...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp Brannigan''': I hereby arrest you fugitives on 53 counts of fugivity. Kif, round them up, and spare me the weary sigh for once. ''[Pause.]'' Kif?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': ''[He is running into the ship with the rest of the crew.]'' Wait for me.</poem><br />
:''[The ship backs out of the dome and takes off with the Nimbus right behind it, firing wildly.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Well, this is the end. There was so many things I wanted to say to you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Like what?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Like this is not the end. But mostly just, I love you, Leela.</poem><br />
:''[The ship shakes as it is hit by one of the Nimbus' shots.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Maybe I waited too long to say this, but I love you, too- '''wormhole!'''</poem><br />
:''[The ship is heading straight for a worm hole in space.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Sweet topology of cosmology, it's huge!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': If we fly into it, it could take us trillions of light years away. There's no knowing if we'll ever return.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': What do we do? Should we go for it?</poem><br />
:''[Pause in dialogue. Bender gets a beer out of his chest and opens it.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Into the breach, meatbags. Or not. Whatever. ''[He starts drinking the beer.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.</poem><br />
:''[Fry and Leela kiss as they fly into the wormhole. It closes shut after their transmission.]''<br />
:''[End credits.]''</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Transcript:Into_the_Wild_Green_Yonder&diff=49828Transcript:Into the Wild Green Yonder2009-09-06T02:29:04Z<p>Mini-Me: Done! Or am I?!</p>
<hr />
<div>{{transcript infobox<br />
|for=Into the Wild Green Yonder<br />
|thanks to=Mini-Me<br />
|prev ep= Bender's Game Part 4<br />
|prev film=Bender's Game<br />
}}<br />
<br />
{{working|Mini-Me}}<br />
<br />
:''[Pan over space, planets and meteors.]''<br />
:''[Caption: BLACK DWARF SYSTEM - DEEPEST SPACE]''<br />
:''[A green light claps in them middle of the screen and a pulsing, green ripple expands outward. Cut to a violet star.]''<br />
:''[Caption: VIOLET DWARF SYSTEM - SLIGHTLY DEEP SPACE]''<br />
:''[One of the green waves passes over the system and the planets all glow a light green. Zoom into the largest celestial body in the system and into a bubbling pool of liquid in a crater where a strand of DNA is formed. The strand fades into a roller coaster track in Mars Vegas. Some of the Planet Express crew and other characters fly across the screen in a roller coaster car. A parody of the "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas" sign says "Welcome to Fabulous Mars Vegas."]''<br />
<br />
:''[The opening credits start, with a theme song that is almost exclusively tubular bells.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Seth MacFarlane]] (singing)''': You and I will be reborn,<br />
In a future place and time,<br />
If everything our Hindu brethren say is true.<br />
In an age of things that hover,<br />
You and I will still be lovers,<br />
And we'll say to ourselves<br />
That was then and this is, too.<br />
'Cause we'll still find the happening hot spots,<br />
We'll still cruise the cool casinos.<br />
You'll still fly me to the moon,<br />
Although the moon to which you fly me,<br />
Could be Phobos or Deimos.<br />
The psychic worms from Rigel Nine,<br />
Who control everything we do,<br />
Will make us think that was then,<br />
And 3010 is exactly the same as 1962.<br />
Don't expect any changes, my friend,<br />
That was then and this is, too.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A hover grand stand is filled with a crowd of people who overlook Mars Vegas from far away.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Bender]]''': Wow, Mars Vegas. Long live the eternal city.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Leo and Inez Wong|Mr. Wong]]''': Two, one, zero!</poem><br />
:''[He pushes down a plunger and Mars Vegas is levelled by a large explosion.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Rest in hell, Crapville!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A large worm moves through the desert of Mars.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Leo and Inez Wong|Mrs. Wong]]''': Out here in the desert, we’re gonna build bigger, better Vegas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Bathtubs size of oceans, hookers size of bouncers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He blubbers.]'' Hamburger!</poem><br />
:''[The worm has stopped at a station.]''<br />
<poem>'''Worm Announcer''': Stand clear of the closing jaws.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The group stands in a construction site of a new hotel.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yo, you need any girders bent, I know a guy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Amy Wong]]''': So what's gonna be over there, Dad?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': That? That the oasis. ''[A bulldozer destroys a small area of trees and grass. A tree was missed, so a man sets it on fire with a flame thrower.]'' Future site of Oasis Hotel. ''[He laughs.]'' Take that, you stupid Mother Nature.</poem><br />
: ''[A car door closes. Pan over to the Feministas standing behind the caution perimeter with protest signs.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Frida Waterfall]]''': Okay. Let's hit him hard.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feministas''': This land is your land. This land is my land</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Fry]]''': Who are you noisy women?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': I'm Frida Waterfall, leader of the Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, and we will not let you man-doze this beautiful gyno-desert.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Well, I'm Leo Wong, and I say, "Boom!"</poem><br />
:''[He pushes down a plunger and the Feministas are send flying into the air from an explosion. Everybody else laughs as they fall back to the surface. Frida lands on Fry and it is revealed that her Femi-necklace has lodged in his brain. Everybody gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Hey, what happened to my femi-necklace? And where's my mega-fem?</poem><br />
:''[The megaphone hits her in the head and she is knocked out. Zoidberg rushes to Fry with a stethoscope.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Professor Farnsworth]]''': Is he badly hurt, Dr. Zoidberg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Zoidberg]]''': I don't quite know how to say this. ''(Sobbing:)'' Fry is dead!</poem><br />
:''[Everybody starts sobbing, but then Fry groans and wakes up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Wait, not dead. The other thing.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Damn eco-broads! You can't even spray for eagles without upsetting these kooks. ''[He sprays a tree and two eagles fall out, then a cave man falls out.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Leela]]''': Now, hang on. Before you do construction, don't you have to make sure you're not harming any native species?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': You mean, cursory environmental survey? Already done! By top scientist.</poem><br />
:''[He interrupts Farnsworth counting a wad of cash.]''<br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Err, what? Oh, my, yes. You've got the go-ahead, Mr. Wong. This place is deader than last year's cat.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, it's not! There's precious life right here in this scum puddle. ''[He holds up a desert muck leech.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ah! Cyprinodon martius. The desert muck leech. Amazingly, the entire species lives in this one tiny stink hole. ''(To Mr. Wong:)'' Killing these will be so much easier than exterminating those ponies.</poem><br />
:''[He imitates a pony, then imitates a machine gun, then imitates a dying pony.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Wait a second. Leeches may not be cuddly like pandas or tribbles, but these poor endangered creatures deserve... ''[She pets the leech, it makes a noise and then it bites and clamps onto her neck.]'' Get off me! ''[She throws it to the ground.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'll get it with my trusty foot cups: Stompy and Smashy.</poem><br />
:''[Bender tries repeatedly to squish the creature, but Leela bends over to stop him from trying.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, don't kill it! We have to...</poem><br />
:''[When she bends over, the leech bites onto her neck again. She runs off-screen screaming. Mr. Wong is seen pouring a bag of Poison Cement into the hole the leech came from. He then directs a large parking lot paving machine to roll over the area.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': There. They're not endangered anymore. They're extinct. ''[He chuckles.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, they're not. I saved this one. And I'm gonna raise it and care for it, so the world will forever know what it's lost. ''[The leech then bites her eye and she screams.]'' You freaking slime wad! ''[She pulls is off her eye and stomps on it, then stops.]'' No. I killed it. It was the last of its kind. ''[The creature comes back to life and bites onto her knee.]'' Mother-''(bleep)''. Let go of me, you... ''[She holds her leg up and fries the leech with a laser from her Wristlomojacker.]'' Poor thing.</poem><br />
:''[It flies back at her neck and clamps on again. She screams as the camera pans over the Mr. Wong and Fry. Mr. Wong kicks Fry's leg twice to wake him up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Tell you what, Fry. You all promise not to sue me, I give you token for free entry in poker tournament. ''[He slips a poker chip into Fry's pocket on his shirt while Fry is still somewhat unconscious.]'' He took it, you all saw it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Maybe we did, maybe we didn't. ''[Leela runs across the screen behind them, battling the leech still.]'' What's in it for me, Bender?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Okay, okay. Come back when New Vegas opens, I give you all free rooms, free dinner and free tickets to Celine Dion.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Lose the Celine Dion tickets and you got yourself a deal.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': All right, damn it, done!</poem><br />
:''[The crew cheers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All right, I scored.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Wong Hotel & Casino is completed. The crew is playing a row of slot machines.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Look out, Vegas, I've got a system. ''[He inserts a quarter and pulls the lever while laughing. The rolls of the machine land on "OUT OF ORDER," "OUT OF ORDER" and "NO REFUNDS."]'' Oh. I'm bankrupt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He chuckles.]'' You said it, Hermes. He is pathetic, but lovable.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Yup. What? I said no such thing, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I am not acting weird, Leela. Why is everyone talking at once?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Fry, calm down and stop braining.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Yeah, Fry, maybe you need to-</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You're right, Amy! Maybe I do need some fresh air.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Man, I'm worried about him. But not enough to stop gambling for even a single second.</poem><br />
:''[He uses his quarter on a string to scam the slot machine and pulls on the lever. He gets three Leo Wong heads.]''<br />
<poem>'''Three Leos on the Machine''': You win, damn it!</poem><br />
:''[Quarters are dispensed from the machine as bells are going off.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He laughs.]'' It's all in the wrist. ''[He unscrews his hand from his wrist and sucks up the quarters like a vacuum. He sucks quarters out of Farnsworth's pocket as well.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A street in Mars Vegas. Traffic has filled the streets. Cut to Fry's eyes as he walks down the sidewalk of pedestrians.]''<br />
<br />
:''[There is overlapping chatter.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Voices always yelling. Who - who said that? I'm not insane. Stop it. Stop talking in me!</poem><br />
:''[Fry runs into a close alley.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Hutch Waterfall]]''': Voices bothering you, man? I've been there. You need one of these doodangs. ''[He taps on his foil hat.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Over the chatter)''': A foil hat? Of course, he likes pastrami. What about the dog's testicles? ''[Hutch puts his foil hat on Fry's head and the voices quiet.]'' Hey, it worked. The voices stopped.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': They've got a huge selection of carburetors... Hang on. Hang on. ''[He searches through a dumpster for a new hat and finds one with some pizza stuck to it.]'' That's better. My name's Hutch.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hi, Hutch. So what's with the obnoxious, shrieking voices? Are my fillings picking up The View?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': No, man. Truth is, it's other people's thoughts. You're a mind reader.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Although, actually, it was sort of obvious.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': You don't believe me? Take off the helmet.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I believe you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Seriously, do it. ''[Fry sighs and takes his hat off.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': Testing, testing. Do you read me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Loud and clear.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': What?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I said, "Loud and clear." Only I said it with my thinker, not my talker.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Whoa! Freaky. Why can't I read your thoughts?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I don't know. Wait. What's that about a secret society?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Never mind that. Just keep the foil on and you'll be okay. Also, it'll keep the Dark Ones from incinerating your brain.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That's a plus.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': And don't ever, ever, ever tell anyone you can read minds, or the Dark Ones will get you like that. ''[He poorly snaps his fingers.]'' Hang on, pizza grease. Like that. ''[He snaps his fingers and Fry let's out a concerned wail.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Many robots are walking into a theatre that is presenting Gearotica. In the theatre, robot performers are lowered from the ceiling and dance with the music.]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Clamps]]''': Jeez, get a load of the batteries on her. I'd like to get my clamps on those. Give her a jump, you know what I mean? ''[He laughs alone.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Donbot]]''': Whoa, whoa. Show some decorum there, Clamps. This ain't no strip show. This is a beguiling display of the pornographic arts.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Joey Mousepad]]''': Yo, Skip, I can see a guy's butt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael's Wife''': Oh, Michael, this is the perfect end to a perfect honeymoon.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': I love you so much.</poem><br />
:''[They move in to kiss, but Bender lands between them.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Is this seat taken?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': Actually, we...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Slide me those chicken wings. So what part of Podunk you rubes from?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': The north-eastern.</poem><br />
:''[Bender belches fire after drinking a bottle of red wine.]''<br />
:''[Two robots on stage move their hips on a gear until they are close enough to exchange a compact disc from one slot to another. The crowd applauds.]''<br />
<poem>'''Announcer''': Monsieurs et mademoiselles, our circus of the senses now arrives by steamboat in New Orleans, circa 2873. The muted lament of a trombone resonates through the fog, which lingers even now, months after the attack of the fog monster. With but one hope of restoring Gearoticus to his throne, our sensual fate rests in the gyrations of... Fanny.</poem><br />
:''[Fog covers the stage, but is blown away by the air movement from Fanny's fan, which is fixed to her rear end.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh. ''[He stops eating and watches Fanny move her fan around on stage. He stammers and his eyes extend out of his head to zoom in. They extend out farther, then his antenna extends and the woman next to him gasps.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Bender is scatting as he walks toward Fanny's dressing room door with flowers hidden behind him. He knocks on the door and Fanny answers.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Fanny]]''': Yes?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm Bender. Let's do it. ''[He holds out the flowers.]''</poem><br />
:''[The two stare at each other for a few seconds until the Donbot comes out of the dressing room with his gun cocked and pointed at Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Who is it, the Feds?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He gasps.]'' Aren't you the Donbot, head of the Robot Mafia?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Allegedly. And this is my beloved wife, Fanny, whose honor I would proudly defend with a power drill. Well, I gotta go drown a stoolie.</poem><br />
:''[As soon as the bathroom door closes Bender and Fanny start kissing, Fanny's fan is spinning. Suddenly the Donbot opens the door and Bender and Fanny quickly separate]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': I'm gonna be in here a while, so do me a favor and drive my wife home. It's one of them self-driving cars, so just sit in the back and do whatever.</poem><br />
:''[They start kissing again. Fanny twangs Bender's antenna.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Oh, Bender, your lips are intoxicating. It's like kissing an ashtray full of hot wings.</poem><br />
:''[They resume kissing and fall to the floor.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender (As if he were speaking through a fan)''': Aww yeahh!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is peacefully walking down a street. He stops and lift his hat off. The voices grow louder and louder until he puts his hat back on.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': My God, I really can read minds. I have a superpower! There must be something great I can do with this.</poem><br />
:''[He gasps. Cut to Fry standing in front of a Women's locker room door. He removes his hat and quickly walks in.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hello, ladies, I can read your thoughts. ''[Punches are heard and Fry is thrown out of the room.]'' Oh, wait, that's invisibility.</poem><br />
:''[Fry walks by a banner for Leo's Poker Tournament, back tracks to it and gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Poker. With my mind-reading abilities and my invisibility... Wait, no, just the mind reading. I can't lose!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sign me up for the tournament, please.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Administrator''': Okey-doke, Jiffy Pop. Entry fee's 50,000 smackers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': 50,000? Drat, all I have is my life savings and a token for free admission to this poker tournament.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Administrator''': Close enough. ''[He puts the wad of cash in his breast pocket.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': "ELZAR'S AT THE WONG" - The crew plus Fanny is occupying a booth in the restaurant.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': You're having an affair with the head of the robot mafia's wife?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (Off-screen)''': Yup, this is her I'm making out with.</poem><br />
:''[The entire table is shown, Bender and Fanny are laying in the center of it kissing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Bender, are you crazy?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No, it's Fry who's crazy in this one.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Psht, I'm not crazy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You sure you're okay, Fry? I mean, you do have tin foil on your head.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So? You've got a leech on your neck. Oh, and speaking of sucking on your neck, want to go to a movie later?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Elzar]]''': Hey, there! How are you folks doing tonight?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Great. What are the specials?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Elzar''': Well, let's see now. We've got a wonderful grizzly bear that's been dipped in cornmeal and lightly tormented. Questions?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': What was the bear's name?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Elzar''': Jojo.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Ooh, I'll have him.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the entrance of the restaurant, Donbot, Joey Mousepad and Clamps walk in. Fanny gasps, Bender yelps and moves half of his head into his body.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hide me!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': Hey, Donbot, ain't that your wife what with you had that wedding with?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': ''[While sauntering over to Donbot looking rather bloated.]'' Donbot, honey! What a pleasant shock! I was just having dinner alone, when suddenly you walk in on us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Alone, huh?</poem><br />
:''[Her body groans and Bender comes shooting out of her chest cavity.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Where am I? I was exploring a wormhole through space many light years from this restaurant, when suddenly I was surrounded by darkness. '''(To Fanny:)''' Hot, sexy darkness. ''[He purrs sensually.]'' Oh, why, hello, Donbot! Hello, miss, have we met? ''[He shakes Fanny's hand.]'' I'm Bender. The world's most sexual robot. I mean, the world's most boundary-respecting robot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Nice to see you, Bender. Welcome back to our universe. Listen, sugar, I stuck up the Burlington Coat Factory and got you a little something. It's a $49 value.</poem><br />
:''[He puts a white fur coat on her and she spins her fan and squeals with delight.]''<br />
<poem>'''Danny''': Donbot, I love you! '''(To Bender:)''' Not really.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Man, this is great! I always wanted to nail a dame in a fur coat, and now's my chance. ''[He catches himself.]'' I mean, if you'll introduce me to one, sir. '''(To Fanny:)''' One as sexy as you, baby! Bender out. ''[He struts away while humming/scatting. Zoom on Donbot's eyes, they squint, showing Donbot is onto Bender.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''[Establishing shot of the Wong Hotel & Casino. '''Scene''': Fanny and Bender walk through the Casino.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': I never felt so alive, Bender. Listen, this turquoise-encrusted bra is worth 50 grand. Let's sell it and run off before the Donbot gets wise.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He sighs.]'' No. It will take a lot more money than that to make a girl like you happy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': No, it won't.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yeah, it will. Shut up! We'll run off, but not till after I win the Universal Poker Championship! ''[He raises his hand to reveal his plan, reaches into Fanny's bosom, rips out the bra and slams it on the Administrator's counter.]'' One entry, please.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Bender, no! You can't beat the best players in the universe. You're not lucky enough.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh, no? I'm 40% lucky. ''[He bangs on his chest twice.]'' The scrap metal I'm made from included a truckload of horseshoes from the luckiest racehorses in Mexico, who had just been sent to a glue factory.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': They don't sound so lucky to me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Not without their shoes.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The [[The Hip Joint Janitor|Hip Joint Janitor]] walks up to the railing of a casino that has a "Dancing Fountains" display in front of it. He dumps a bottle of Diet Slurm and a pack of Mentos into the water and the show begins. Pan over to Bender, who is getting his foot cups polished by a machine. He is cheerfully humming again and Fanny walks up to him.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Here, Bendy, take this. It will give you 70% more luck. It's the Donbot's lucky robot's foot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All right! With two kinds of luck, I can't lose.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No, wait, three. I stepped on a leprechaun.</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad and Clamps stop in their car when they see Bender and Fanny together.]''<br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': Yo, you see this over here over there?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': I'm powering up the clamps.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': An old store titled "SMALL BILL'S LAUNDERING." The mafia trio sit in the back of the shop.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let us not rush to judgment.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': But, Skip, that was your lucky robot's foot what came off of your lucky leg.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': ''[He turns his chair to the side and shows his missing appendage.]'' While it is true that I did wake up with only one foot this morning, there is no proof that my beloved Fanny was involved. Aside from the hacksaw I found under her pillow.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': Well, what about that Bender guy? You want I should give him the clamps?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Not yet, Clamps. Only one thing can prove that he has my lucky foot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': Torture with the clamps or a clamp-like device?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': No. We are gonna sit tight and see if he wins the poker tournament. He does, that proves he's packing my lucky foot, in which event...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': ''The clamps!'' Or a clamp-like device.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Penn & Teller are hosting the 3009 Universal Poker Tournament at the Wong Hotel.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Penn Jillette]]''': Welcome viewers who fell asleep with the TV on! It's the 3009 no-limit hold 'em championship. ''[The crowd cheers.]'' I'm the massive head of Penn Jillette, and here with a color commentary, my partner Teller. ''[Teller's head is floating in his own jar. As always, he is deceased.]'' Our act really didn't change much when he died.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Pardon me, I'm new to this game. Is this duffle bag big enough for all your money? ''[He laughs and sits down at the table.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He walks up to the table.]'' Bender? Oh, boogers. We're in the same tournament. Quick, get your entry fee back before I bankrupt you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''Pfft!'' In your dreams, nutloaf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Bite my shiny metal hat.</poem><br />
:''[Graphic: "HAND 1." Leo Wong is the dealer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette (Whispering)''': Tex Connecticut, the pride of Kansas City, first to act. ''[He has a Queen and a Nine and calls the blinds.]'' Smiley Spiff, up next. ''[He has a Jack and a Ten and also calls.]'' Looks like Boobs Vanderbilt has a decent pair. Also, she's got two eights. ''[She calls.]'' And Bender Rodriguez picks up a lucky deal right off the bat. ''[He calls as well.]''</poem><br />
:''[Fry looks at his cards. Two Kings. He lifts his hat up a bit and reads Bender's mind.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender (Telepathically)''': Woo! Two aces. I'm thinking guitar solo. ''[He mimics a guitar solo.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''He puts his hat back down.]'' I fold.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': Holy crap! A stunning play by mentally ill newcomer Philip Fry. It's almost as if he knew Bender had two aces.</poem><br />
:''[Pull out of Penn's shot to reveal that he is sitting 20 or so feet from the game table.]''<br />
<poem>'''Boobs Vanderbilt'': Bender has two aces? I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tex Connecticut''': I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Lrrr]]''': I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He laughs and pulls in the chips.]'' Suck my luck!</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad, Donbot and Clamps are sitting in the audience.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': See this gun? ''[He holds up a gun, but then he crumples it in his hand.]'' That's what I'm gonna do to Bender if he wins.</poem><br />
:''[Graphic: "Hand 6." Fry wins. Graphic: "Hand 13." Bender wins the pot, a gold watch and a human baby. Graphic: "Hand 79."]''<br />
<poem>'''Lrrr''': All in. Call my mighty bid at your peril. ''[He growls at the table. Fry lifts his hat.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': My cards are awful, and I need a hug.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I call your bluff.</poem><br />
:''[Fry wins the hand. Lrrr growls at Fry.]''<br />
<poem>'''Lrrr''': I shall annihilate... ''Fry hugs him.]'' '''(Sobbing:)''' I just wanted to make my daddy proud.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Lrrr's Father''': Well, you didn't. I want you and your junk moved out by Monday.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': It's getting pretty intense, folks. Based on the state of decomposition of Teller's head, we're now in hour 19 of the tournament. And the first bad deal of the night for Bender.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hey, pal, help me out here. ''[He holds up his cards - a Seven and a Two.]'' This is the worst possible hand, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tex Connecticut: I'm all in.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All in! I mean, fold. Whatever.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': ''[Leo deals the flop.]'' Well, Bender's luck just ran out. No card can save him from elimination.</poem><br />
:''[Cut back to the table. A giant prop card falls on Tex Connecticut's neck and incapacitates him.]''<br />
<poem>'''Boobs Vanderbilt''': Oh, my gourds! He's dead. ''[A card falls on her as well.]''</poem><br />
:''[The killer cards total 21.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': 21, winner! ''[He pushes the chips to Bender.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Wooo! I'm so full of luck, it's shooting out like luck diarrhoea.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': Wake up, poker fans! We're down to our final two players in heads-up action for the Championship. Your perspective, Teller? ''[A rat eats Teller's left eye.]''</poem><br />
:''[Leo deals cards to Bender and Fry. Fry looks at his cards then raises his hat and looks at Bender, who has yet to look at his cards. Bender refuses to look at his cards. Cut to Donbot who is watching from the crowd and tries to crack his knuckles. He breaks off all of his fingers in the process.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All in.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But-but, you didn't even look at your cards!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Looking at one's cards is a crutch for players who rely on skill.</poem><br />
:''[Fry lifts his hat again. Bender is scatting like a guitar. Fry lowers his hat and gulps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Any day now, Fry. You in or out?</poem><br />
:''[Fry stammers as he looks for an answer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': What's the matter, Fry, you scared? Or just ''[He spins his head around and wiggles in fingers]'' crazy? ''[He laughs.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': All right, all in. ''[Leo deals the cards.]'' Yes! Four aces!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[Fry moves in to take the pot.]'' Ah-ah-ah. Read 'em and weep, and then tell me what they are.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Two kings. And with three on the board, that gives Bender five kings.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But how is that...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': I don't believe it. Bender has just been dealt the King of Beers, a coaster from the bar that somehow got mixed into the deck. But it still counts!</poem><br />
:''[The crowd cheers and music begins playing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Bender win the Championship!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He eats the money.]'' That's some good money. ''[He then belches fire.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': ''[She comes running over with a suitcase.]'' You did it, Bender. You're the greatest.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Tell me something I don't know, sweetass. Now, let's boogie. We'll be in Space Tahiti before the Donbot knows what hit him.</poem><br />
:''[As Bender is walking away from the table, he throws the Donbot's lucky robot's foot behind him and it strikes the Donbot in the face.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Now I am suspicious.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A desert on Mars at night. Bender and Fanny are digging holes. They are illuminated by the Donbot's car headlights.<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Okay, we finished digging this shallow grave. Can we go now?</poem><br />
:''[The mafia trio then shoot Fanny and Bender for a while with machine guns. Part way through the shooting, Donbot stops to check the time and then resumes his firing. Cut to them driving away from the filled in graves.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Planet Express ship lands in the desert.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Sobbing)''': Poor Bender left me one last voicemail before the Robot Mafia buried him in the desert.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (On cell phone)''': Fry, old friend, before I die, I just wanted to say... ''[Beep.]'' Hang on, I'm getting another call. Hello? ''[The gun fire commences and Bender screams.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Line up, people! Everyone take a shovel and one sixth of the planet. We'll meet back here in 50 years, our bodies broken and our lives wasted.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': And you say these are free shovels?</poem><br />
:''[There is a rumbling and a hole begins to form in the sand near them. As the dust settles Bender walks out of the hole with Fanny.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm back, baby.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Bender! I thought the Robot Mafia killed you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Nah, they just shot us and buried us a few times as a warning.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Bender was so brave. He never stopped making out with me the whole time they were shooting us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I sure didn't.</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad pulls up with his car in the background.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': I gotta get back to my husband, baby. Will I see you tonight?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Probably not.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Mr. Wong is playing mini golf at his country club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': It's a 14-footer with a clown hazard. What club you recommend, Baggy?</poem><br />
'''[[Baggy]]''': As on every hole, I suggest the putter.<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Your golf club sure is classy, Mr. Wong. Naked statue classy.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong putts and ends up far from the hole and curses in Mandarin.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It is very nice. I just wish Amy and I didn't have to wear these sexist badges on our melons. ''[They stand up and show their badges that say "WOMAN."]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': We're lucky even to play as guests, Leela. Dad's club has a very strict "No girls allowed" policy.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong putts again and misses, then curses wildly again.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That doesn't seem fair.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': It really is. Everybody knows women don't have the focus to play miniature golf at a professional level.</poem><br />
:''[Amy makes her putt right through the clown's legs and lands it right next to the hole.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But that's the best shot of the day!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Is that my ball? I think that my ball.</poem><br />
:''[He claims Amy's ball as his own, but still misses his small putt and curses in Mandarin again.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Pfft, great putt, Dad.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Okay, we're done.</poem><br />
:''[The sprinklers turn on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Mr. Wong, how do you keep this place so green in the middle of the desert? Doesn't that waste a lot of water?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Nah, we got plenty water, pumped directly from flamingo lake. ''[The flamingos sitting in the lake are sucked into the drain with all of the water.]'' They'll be fine. ''[Pink feathers are expelled from the sprinklers.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The four are travelling in a golf cart.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Oh, yeah, I love miniature golf. Love everything about it, except how damn miniature it is. That's why I'm building the universe's biggest miniature golf course.</poem><br />
:''[A crane picks up a ball the size of the golf car and drops it into a large cannon.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': This the first tee.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Where's the hole?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': On Pluto's moon, Hydra. It's a six-billion-mile par-two. Tough shot, even for a man. ''[Leela groans. Mr. Wong adjusts the cannon with a dial near the tee. He strikes the button that fires the ball and everybody rushes over to a row of binoculars.]'' '''(Leo VO)''': Around the sun. Bank off Jupiter. And right into the... ''[The ball lands short of the hole and Mr. Wong curses in Mandarin.]'' I'll be right back. ''[He gets in a golf cart that has a dome over it and flies to Hydra. Fry, Leela and Amy watch from the binoculars. Mr. Wong smacks the giant ball his his putter, but it stops on the edge of the hole. He growls and curses in Mandarin. He bounces over to the ball and smacks his with his putter again, then kicks it.]'' It dropped in! Put me down for a two.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Two. ''[She writes down 8.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Keep in mind, that just the first hole. For full course, we gonna bulldoze this entire arm of the Milky Way.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What? You're gonna wipe out 10% of the galaxy for a stupid golf course?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': First of all, it 12% . Second, yes, you betcha.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But you have no idea what life forms might be evolving out there.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': That's exactly why I'm hiring an impartial scientist to perform an environmental survey. That's him in the money shower.</poem><br />
:''[Farnsworth is in the money shower, giggling.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Planet Express Ship is flying through a field of asteroids. A light from the turret on the ship scans the space boulders for life.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (VO)''': Delivery boy's log. Having fallen asleep on what I thought was the toilet, I awoke to find the environmental survey in progress.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Status reports, Science Officer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Zilcho. No sign of life or intelligence. ''[He laughs.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': Just like Fry on a date.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He laughs.]'' Hey!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, so we haven't found any life yet. I still don't see why you men can't be happy with regular-sized miniature golf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Leela, evolution has programmed our fabulous male brains to take anything anybody else thinks is important and make it bigger. ''[He takes a slurp of a "128oz. Big Burp."] ''Have you seen my new 301-inch TV?</poem><br />
:''[He presses a button on a remote and a large TV descends at the front of the ship.]''<br />
<poem>'''Announcer''': Hypnotoad is brought to you by the MagnaPhallix 302-inch TV. It's bigger!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, hell! ''[He throws his beverage at the TV and it falls apart.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[An alarm sounds.]'' Captain, I'm detecting life on the spock-o-scope!</poem><br />
:''[Leela gasps. The ship hovers over the planet. Cut to a fish-like creature waddles onto land. It uses its fins as feet and walks around. Pan up to flowers blooming and flying insects pollinating them.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's amazing. It's like a textbook on evolution.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Except in Kansas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': But isn't Mr. Wong building the 18th hole here? And the golf pants museum?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Indeed so. This whole area will be incinerated when he implodes that sun there into a black hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That beautiful violet star?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': It's so you can't keep your ball at the end of the game.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yo, that's messed up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Well, there won't be any imploding once they read our environmental review. Right, Professor?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ohh, twaddle-squat. There's no scientific consensus that life is important.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yeah. Life, schmife.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clip Board''': ''[Farnsworth checks an option.]'' Approved for demolition.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's you and me, ponytail. ''[He cracks her pony tail like a whip.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Nixon's head pulls up in a limo.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Guard''': We're here, Mr. President.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Richard Nixon's head]]''': Arroo! Let's play some mini-golf.</poem><br />
:''[The headless body of Agnew, Nixon and Mr. Wong are playing mini-golf. Agnew is putting.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Now, just give it a light tap, Agnew. ''[Agnew pulls his club up high.]'' No, no, no, just a light...</poem><br />
:''[Agnew grunts and sends the ball hurtling away from the tee. Cut to Zoidberg on a diving board high above a pool.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Now for a triple clam dip, with a double - ''[The ball smashes into his head and knocks him on his back.]'' OW! ''[He falls off the diving board and lands on the concrete surrounding the pool.]'' OW!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Tough luck, Agnew. Looks like you and Wong owe me a Charleston Chew. ''[He laughs.]''</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas blast through a hedge and <br />
<poem>'''Feministas''': Shut up and hear our wisdom. Shut up and hear our wisdom. Save the ecosystem. Save the ecosystem. Shut up and hear our wisdom! Save the ecosystem!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': What gives, Wong? You said no chicks allowed.</poem><br />
:''[Agnew growls.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': We are the Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, and we will not let you...What was it again?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': We will not let you implode the violet dwarf star at galactic coordinates 167.84, -58.03, mark 948.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Already approved, you cackling hens. So get out, or I'll have vice-president Agnew's headless body throw you out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I'd like to see him try.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Me, too. Should look funny. Sic 'em, Agnew.</poem><br />
:''[Agnew breaks his club in half and wanders toward the women. Leela bumps into a parked golf cart and causes it to roll down a hill, toward Agnew.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Runaway golf cart!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Look out, Agnew!</poem><br />
:''[Agnew tries to dodge the cart, but it follows his movements and runs him over.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Whoa!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Aah!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Is... is he okay?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': No pulse.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': They killed the headless remains of Agnew. Arrest them!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': All Feministas she-vacuate the premises. I mean "femises."</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas run away and the presidential guards chase after them. One drives the limo over Agnew's body.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Lounge. Nixon is on TV.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': My fellow Earthicans, these eco-crooks will face the maximum sentence. For killing a headless torso, that's six weeks.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Well, this is embarrassing. Here I've been blabbing on for years about killing all humans, and who actually does something about it? Some chick.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Leela's not a killer, and she's not some chick. She's the chick I love. And don't tell her I called her a chick, or she'll kill me.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A hover-copter flows over the city with search lights. The Feministas are hiding in a building with the sign "Eco-Feminist Reading Room" in the window. When the spotlight passes over it, a Feminista switches it to "Something even less popular."]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Frida (through her megaphone)''': Everyone stay absolutely quiet!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feminista''': That thing's on. Shh!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feminista''': Turn it off!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida (through megaphone)''': Oh, sorry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': How do you turn it off?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida (through megaphone)''': There. Did that do it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''OTHERS''': No. Stop it. Shut up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Here's the button here. ''[An alarm starts wailing from the megaphone.]'' '''(Through megaphone)''': And I think I... Now I got it.</poem><br />
:''[The megaphone squeals with feedback.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Let me give you a hand.</poem><br />
:''[She pushes a button and it turns off. Frida "shushes" her.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': This is awful. I never meant for our protest to have any effect. Now what do we do?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Trixie]]''': Maybe we should just surrender and serve our six weeks in jail.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Dixie]]''': Hey, yeah! We could do each other's toenails and make shivs.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That's crazy. We've done nothing wrong, other than killing and dismembering the vice-president. We need to make a choice, sisters. We can either keep pestering criminals like Leo Wong with silly slogans...</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Yeah. Let's do that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Actually, I meant that to be the less preferable alternative. We can either chant slogans or we can take action.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': What was the first choice again?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I choose to save the environment by sabotaging Leo Wong's golf course. Who's with me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Could we still use our bullhorns?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Absolutely. Bullhorns are a core principle of eco-feminism.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Then I'm in.</poem><br />
:''[They all cheer, then Frida shushes them through her megaphone.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Feminista's vehicle (A VW Camper) is travelling through space.]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Who's ready to kick some sweaty man-butt?</poem><br />
:''[They cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': I've got my pointy man-kicking shoes on.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Trixie''': Those are cute.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': Aren't they? I got them at Nine West.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Simmer down, warriors. Full power to the vagyroscope!</poem><br />
:''[Cut to a street sweeper-like vehicle cleaning up the rings around a planet.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Those dirty rings. I tried soaking them out, even blasting them out.</poem><br />
:''[The Camper stops near the cleaning vehicle. Leela and Frida emerge and pour sugar in the fuel filler.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Are you sure about this? It would be better for propaganda if we weren't using refined sugar.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's okay. The potato we're shoving in the tailpipe is organic.</poem><br />
:''[She clogs the tail pipe and fly away. The cleaner breaks down.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': I smell sabotage. ''[He sniffs.]'' Ooh, and potatoes.</poem><br />
:''[The girls cheer as they fly away from the planet.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Now, unfortunately, the media is going to put a negative spin on this, like when we killed that guy, so to win public support, we'll need a lovable mascot.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Zoidberg is in a room alone with the muck leech. It is in a glass terrarium in the lounge at Planet Express.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': :''[He picks it up and laughs.]'' Squirm all you want, you nasty dumpling. One less species for the universe, one more breakfast for...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Zoidberg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Leela. Me saving things the leech. Not the eating of it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Zoidberg, I'm very surprised at you, slightly.</poem><br />
:''[Leela lets the leech clamp onto her arm and Zoidberg stares, then slurps at it. Cut to Leela leaving Planet Express.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Psst! Leela.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Shh! I'm a fugitive.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I know. I miss you so much, Leela, even more than when you were here.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I miss you, too, Fry. And you probably think what I'm doing is wrong. But it's something I really care about...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You don't have to explain, Leela. You're you. That's all I need to know.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Goodbye, sweet goofbag.</poem><br />
:''[She walks over to the Camper, knocks twice and gets pulled in. They fly away. Zoom out of just Fry standing on the sidewalk to show Zoidberg and Bender are there as well.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Bender''': :''[He sighs.]'' I'll miss her, too, buddy. Dibs on her iPod.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Dibs on her- ohh...</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is walking through the streets of New New York. He comes upon Hutch drinking a bottle of wine in an alley.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Hey, Fry! Long time, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, Hutch! What have you been up to?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Same old, same old. Searching the dumpsters, protecting my thoughts with tin foil, peeing myself.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So, what brings you to Earth?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': It's top secret. Hey, take off your helmet and I'll think it to you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Okay. Here goes.</poem><br />
:''[Fry removes his hat and is bottled by Hutch. Hutch walks over to a dumpster, knocks twice and it mechanically opens. There is a bright light emitted from it. He throws Fry's limp body in and follows. The lid closes as he gets in. Cut to Fry waking up on a mattress.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Where are you? And me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': The Great Hall of the Ancient Legion of Madfellows. Welcome, bro.</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Welcome, bro.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Sorry I bashed your head in, buddy, but I had to. You see, the fate of the universe depends on you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yeah, I get that a lot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': The Grand Curator will tell you more.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Take me to him.</poem><br />
:''[He is the man behind Hutch.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Hey, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': So dig this, Fry. Our commune has been monitoring the universe's life energy for, like, a really long time, and we're grokking some super weird junk.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Um, I don't mean to be rude, but it's kind of hard to take you seriously when you say junk like "grok" and "junk."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''' : What about "commune"?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Especially "commune." Come on, it's the fate of the universe, puff it up a little. Like you could say your ancient order is sensing deep upheaval in the cosmic life energy field.</poem><br />
:''[Everybody murmurs.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Okay. I'll try. So, like, a really, really long time ago... ''[Fry motions "longer" with his hands.]'' Eons ago! ''[Fry gives a thumbs up and he giggles.]'' Cool. Eons ago, the life force we call Chee permeated the universe. ''[He presses a button and a hologram is shown in the room.]'' The Green Chee generated a great upwelling of life across the cosmos. But then, for reasons unknown...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Ooh. "Reasons unknown." Now that's the sort of hook that grabs the attention of me, the viewer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': For reasons unknown...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Nice.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': ...the Chee began to recede, and the diversity of life began to wither. The life forms we know today are but a fraction of a fraction of the magnificence that once existed.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': But a bunch of dudes, right, they totally passed this far-out knowledge down through the ages.</poem><br />
:''[The holograms shows previous Madfellows proclaiming the word with their tin foil hats on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine (VO)''': Some with this knowledge were called prophets, some, fruitcakes. We, the Legion of Madfellows, are their heirs.</poem><br />
:''[The current Legion of Madfellows is shown in the hologram.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, I'm on TV. ''[He waves.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Well, that's the show. ''[He turns off the hologram.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Neat. What's it got to do with me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Ahh, pooperdoodle! I mean, pardon the omission. You see, after untold eternities, we have sensed a resurgence in the Chee.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, that's the violet dwarf star that Leela wants to save.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Freaking nailed it, corndog.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': We believe this star heralds a new green age, and it's your destiny to be its shepherd and protector.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Me? Why?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': 'Cause you got, like, no delta brainwave, man. The Dark Ones can't groove off your thoughts.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Silence, Hutch! You shall learn more in time, Fry. But for now, let's just say we have enemies, enemies who can read minds, except yours. ''[He points with his foot.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Cool. I can't wait to tell Leela.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': No! If you tell anyone, then their thoughts could be read, and our enemies would know of our existence. For the sake of those you love, you must keep this secret. Do you foot-swear?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, okay. I foot-swear.</poem><br />
:''[They perform a "foot shake" agreeing to the terms.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Good. Now, to save the coming of the green age, you must stop this man.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong is shown on the hologram.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I know him. Leo Wong. I work with his daughter.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Oh, good, that will cut about 15 minutes of explanation. You must gain Wong's confidence, infiltrate his organization and prevent him from destroying the violet dwarf.</poem><br />
:''[Fry salutes Nine with his foot. The act is reciprocated.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is in Mr. Wong's office at the Wongminister Miniature Golf Club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Looking for a job, eh?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yes, sir. Nothing fancy. I'm willing to start at the bottom and infiltrate my way up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Sorry, no openings right now. '''(Telepathically)'': What I need is security guard to keep nutcases out of my office.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I'm good at keeping nutcases.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': I said no way. ''(Telepathically)'': Security guard gotta be tough. This idiot don't look like he could handle those feministas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I look like an idiot who can handle those feministas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr Wong (Telepathically)''': He'll have to do better than that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I'll have to do better than that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Hmm. You and I think a lot alike. You really think you can stand up to those eco-freakos?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sir, with me around, they'll be the least of your worries.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The 18th hole of Mr. Wong's course. It's a mess of tubes leading to the green from a giant plastic gorilla head.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Tester''': Stand by, men. And manly aliens. Prepare to test fire King Kong hole.</poem><br />
:''[The manly alien launches the ball at the gorilla. It goes into his mouth and comes out on the green, rolling into the hole for an ace.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': It workses.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tester''': Good job, men. And manly aliens. Construction of King Kong hole complete.</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas' camper is approaching in the background.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Typical. Always King Kong, never Queen... Quong.</poem><br />
:''[A few Feministas leap from the Camper onto the green and plant hooks in the turf and the bumper of their vehicle.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': What are those, hooks? Get out of heres, you hookers. This is my turfs.</poem><br />
:''[The Camper blats off from the green, pulling the turf with it and sending the asteroid, which the green was placed on, spinning out of control and smashing into the tubes.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': ''[He's flying through space.]'' Helpses!</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas cheer as they spray the gorilla head with make-up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You go, gorilla !</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A news broadcast. The vandalized gorilla is used as an image on the story.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Morbo]]''': Our top story. The string of eco-vandalism that began with a harmless vice-presidential killing has spread across the galaxy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Linda]]''': Why do you always get to read the top story, Morbo?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': Because viewers trust a deep male voice and huge, throbbing forehead veins. ''[They pulse in unison a few times.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Not all reaction to the crime spree has been negative. We spoke with several people who viewed these courageous eco-feminists as heroes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Petunia]]''': I just wish there was some way to... Excuse me. ''[She coughs roughly.]'' Some way to show I support 'em. Send them some smokes or something.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': So you make more than twice what I do. What? This just in: Root 2 News has received a video communique from the eco-feminists' unknown hideout.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': This is sub-commander L., den mother of the Feminista Revolutionary Collective, with a message for Leo Wong. Leo, you're a parasite on the universe, and parasites must be destroyed. That's why we've adopted this parasite as our mascot. ''[The leech snarls against the glass of its case.]'' I know it's a little confusing. The point is, even this vicious leech has a right to exist, because it's a part of nature. And that's why a vicious leech like Leo Wong must be exterminated. ''[The Feministas in the background cheer.]'' Again, confusing. We call on women everywhere to join our struggle against eco-chauvinist Leo Wong. We especially need good communique writers. Feministas unite! ''[They pound their breasts twice and throw their fists into the air while reciting that last bit.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': In other news- ''[Linda throws her high heel at his head and it becomes lodged in his ear.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Feministas unite!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Mr. Wong is in his office with Nixon.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Linda (on the TV)''': Feministas unite! ''[The image is paused.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Incredible. Absolutely incredible. You're telling me this TiVo machine can pause and rewind live TV?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': These crazy broads gonna ruin me, Nixon. You gotta help me. Send the army or something. Something big that shoots.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Sir, I don't care if you are my biggest contributor. Our armed forces do not serve your private business interests.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Sorry, I...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': ''[He laughs hysterically.]'' I'm just yanking your chain, Leo. I'm on it like boring on Gerry Ford.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The White House Oval Office. Nixon and Mr. Wong are present.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Zapp Brannigan]]''': Zapp Brannigan purporting for duty. For the love of God, Kif, less piccolo, more fife.</poem><br />
:''[Kiff is playing many instruments as a one-man band. He sighs at Zapp's demand.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Report, Brannigan.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Mr. President, I failed to identify these curvaceous banditas despite hours of staring|at their dossiers. ''[There is a picture of Leela from behind on the cover of the file folder.]'' Yet, I seemed to have stroked myself upon good luck, for a patriot of the highest order has volunteered to lead us to them.</poem><br />
:''[Kif performs a drum roll and Bender walks into the room. Bender says "Hey oh" like Ed McMahon.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': These eco-feminists are ruthless criminals who'll stop at nothing to save the environment. I don't see how a bending unit can catch them.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Not just any bending unit, Presidente. I happen to be brilliant, fearless and short on cash. ''[He coughs and motions for money with his fingers.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Slush him, Kroker.</poem><br />
:''[Kiff opens a wall safe and pulls out a briefcase, which he pulls money out of and counts money as he gives it to Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Bender here has identified the femdito commander as my ex-lover, Turanga Leela, whom I once made love at.</poem><br />
:''[By the end of this line, Bender has taken all of the money from the briefcase and has started emptying the wall safe.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': And he's willing to fink her out for a few simoleons?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': It's not about the money, Nixon, though I'd like much more. It's 'cause Leela's a threat. A threat to my reputation. She's committed 30 felonies in 12 star systems. If no one stops her, she'll break my record for longest rap sheet.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': That's a despicable motive, Bender, and I respect it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Gracias. Now, I could find Leela, but you'll need to authorize a wiretap.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': As many as you like.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I only need one.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Let's call it six.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Question. If you don't know where Leela is, how can you wiretap her?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm not wiretapping her, Greensleeves. You see, like all women, Leela has one weakness.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Bender is descending upon Fry by parachute. Fry is working as a security guard.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hello, weakness!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, Bender, check it out. I'm Leo Wong's new security guard. I got an ID badge and a flashlight, and I ordered this mustache.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Neat. Say, speaking of whatever the hell you just said, I need to make a cell phone telephone call. Can borrow your cell phone telephone?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Okay, but don't restart my Tetris. I was finally about to get one of those pieces that looks like a backwards "L."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Okay, superstud.</poem><br />
:''[Bender walks off screen as Mr. Wong and Amy approach Fry.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Looking good, security. No feministas getting past you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': No, sir. Not on my mustache's watch.</poem><br />
:''[Bender is in the background struggling with Fry's phone.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Fry, I can't believe you're working with my dad against Leela. How can you claim to be her friend and still want her in jail?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He clears his throat.]'' It's a tightrope walk, I won't deny it. It takes the kind of multi-sided thinking your dad's so brilliant at.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': You mean being two-faced?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Don't mind cranky-pants here. She been cranky ever since she was a fat little girl.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Dad!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Can I be brutally honest, Fry? I always wanted a son.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That hurt, but I can take it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': ''[She says something in Mandarin.]'' I knew you wanted a son! Why do you think I became a miniature golf champion? Why do you think I wear these stupid boys' sweat suits?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': To hide your big, fat butt, that's why. ''[He giggles.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Now, sir, in fairness, Amy's butt is actually pretty hot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': What is it with you men? Why does everything revolve around my butt?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': 'Cause it's so big and massive. He and Fry share a laugh.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sorry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': That's it! Why don't you just adopt Fry and make him the son you never had? That'll replace the daughter you don't have anymore!</poem><br />
:''[She grunts as she shoves her way past Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Whoa! What's with Big Butt?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': She just hungry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Here you go, Fry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Thanks.</poem><br />
:''[Bender gives Fry his phone back. There is a large antenna device sticking out of the top of it.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh! FYI, I dropped that Tetris piece in the wrong place and ended the game.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He looks at the screen on the phone. It reads "GAME OVER."]'' No!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is locking up Wongminister Miniature Golf Club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Great! Now Amy's gonna tell Leela I'm a jerk. If only I could explain I'm on a secret mission against evil. Wait. Evil? Yeah, yeah, evil. ''[There is a tapping in the darkness. Fry shines his flashlight around.]'' What's going on in there? A scary noise? ''[He spots Frida hammering a protest sign into the grass.]'' Hey, you're one of Leela's feministas. "Save the environment! Wo-mandate Leo's retirement!" That's terrible writing! Stop making your point so ineffectively! ''[He tries to pull the hammer from Frida's grip.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Take your mands off of me!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He shushes her.]'' I'm on your side.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': ''[She shushes back.]'' Don't shush me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Please, can you take a message to Leela?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': ''[She quickly shushes him.]'' What is it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Just say her sweet goofbag is working to save the violet dwarf star, just like she is.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Very well, I'll fem-municate your man-formation.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He rolls his eyes.]'' Just tell her.</poem><br />
:''[She shushes him again.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express. There is a banner on the balcony which reads "Going out of business forever! Again!"]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Well, this is it, old friends. Planet Express is done for, what with our delivery crew missing and the abysmal sales of Tickle Me Bender.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender Doll''': ''[He doll giggles.]'' Quit touching my junk, pervert!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Hold out your hands and I'll remove your career chips.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': I hate to see it come to an end. ''[His chip is removed and he screams in agony.]'' When will it end?</poem><br />
:''[Farnsworth moves on to Hermes when the phone starts to ring.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Shouldn't you get that, Professor?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': I suppose. ''[He walks off screen, but then rushes back to remove the career chip from Hermes' hand.]'' Hello?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Professor, old buddy, I'm gonna blow up the violet dwarf star. So I need you deliver billion-mile security fence to keep out protesters. Dirty business. Lot of money. You corrupt enough?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Damn skippy! ''[Money is dispensed from the telephone console.]'' Good news, crybabies! We're back in business.</poem><br />
:''[They both cheer and Farnsworth quickly implants their chips back. They both wail in pain. Cut to an exterior shot of Planet Express. The hangar doors open, but the ship blasts through the front entrance instead. A shot of the Violet Dwarf Star System shows the Planet Express ship approaching while making abrupt jolts left and right with Farnsworth at the helm.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Sweet kookaburra of Edinburgh, Professor. You sure you know how to fly this thing?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': I invented it, didn't I? You wouldn't ask Thomas Edison whether he knew how to use a sexmatron.</poem><br />
:''[They all gasps as they see the Feministas' van approaching head on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': The feministas, probably.</poem><br />
:''[As they meet, the Planet Express ship skids to a stop. The van circles around and around the ship while spray painting it pink.<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Halt! What are you doing in this parallelogram of space?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': We're delivering a fence to keep you ladies in your place. ''[He chuckles.]''</poem><br />
:''[A hole is cut through the roof of the ship and the Feministas drop through.<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Amy?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Labarbara?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Labarbara]]''': That's right, husband. From now on, you make your own Manwiches.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Under the articles of the confemiracy, we hereby wo-mandeer this ship.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Oh, no, you don't. It's three against three.</poem><br />
:''[Many other Feministas drop through a second hole and land on the the manly trio.<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Wong Ranch.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mrs. Wong''': That was the greatest play I ever saw. It must have had 20 acts.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong exits the carriage, cracks his back and gasps at what he sees in the sky. It's the Feministas approaching in their pink Planet Express ship with the fence. They drop the fence on them, trapping them in a semi-sphere.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela (over Megaphone)''': We installed your fence, Leo Wong.</poem><br />
:''[Inside the ship the Feministas cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Should we shout a clever slogan?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You mean something like, "The best defense is a good fence?"</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Yeah, something like that, only funny.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I wish we could, but our chief slogan writer is back at the Honeybun Hideout.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the hideout where Frida is working on protest signs.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Does "violet dwarf" rhyme with "men are dorks"? It does through a megaphone. '''(Telepathically):''' That reminds me, I've got to tell Leela about that weirdo who wants to save the violet dwarf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': So, the Legion of Madfellows has a new pawn, eh?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Is somebody here? If you're the DSL guy, you're two days late.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': Who gave you that message for Leela?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': I don't know his name.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': Then you are of no use to the Dark Ones!</poem><br />
:''[She is choked by seemingly nothing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Long lost brother, avenge my death.</poem><br />
:''[She chokes more and falls to the floor.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': Where are your crappy rhymes now, Frida Waterfall?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': I'm dead. I'm dead. '''(Through megaphone):''' Eat only natural whole-grain brea- ''[She is choked more.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
''['''Scene''': Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Fry is locking up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Six, seven, eight. Lock the gate. One, two, three. Turn the key. 30, 50, 10. ''[He sees Hutch.]'' My dirty, shifty friend?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Hey, Fry, long time.</poem><br />
:''[They stare at each other for a moment, then Fry is bottled by Hutch, who then opens the bottle and takes a drink. Cut to Fry waking up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Welcome back to the Legion of Madfellows, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Why'd you bonk me, you idiot? You could have just asked me to come with you. And where are we? This doesn't look like your regular dumpster.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': All in good time! I guess now is a good time. We are on Mars, in a forgotten cavern abandoned by the native Martians a million years ago.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Actually, it was five years ago. I remember 'cause they washed my socks.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': You have done well, Fry. You have ingratiated yourself with Leo Wong.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yup, I kissed his ass from cheek to shining cheek. So, what do I do next?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': As Wong security chief, you will be on hand when he attempts to destroy the violet dwarf. You must not let that happen.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He is taking notes.]'' "Must let happen."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Not happen!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': "Must let occur."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Let me tell you a story. A story of two alien species so ancient that compared to them the human race is a mere college senior! On a distant planetoid they evolved to cooperate in their quest to survive.</poem><br />
:''[A hologram shows a snake and a frog like creature. The frog pushes the snake up to knock a bug free from a leaf. They both eat half of the bug.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Cooperation, because life is a team sport.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine: But, over time, one species evolved a better strategy, and an evolutionary arms race began.</poem><br />
:''[The hologram shows the frog pushing the snake up again, but letting it drop into his mouth instead. The next hologram shows the snake countering this by inflating himself so it won't hit in the frog's mouth and crushes it. The next shows the frog countering this by using a sharp tail to pop the inflated snake. The next shows the snake countering this by growing a natural armour to defend itself from the piercing tail and then inversing its body to ingest the frog.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': That concludes the audio-visual portion of our head-clonk and lecture.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Wait, what happened to the snakes and the frogs? I need to know!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': ''[He sighs and turns the hologram back on. He uses the light to cast shadows on the wall his his hands.]'' The frogs, or possibly the snakes, evolved into vicious killing machines, honed by the merciless forces of natural selection and intelligent design. We call these the Dark Ones!</poem><br />
:''[Pan over to Fry's shadow who shudders and picks his nose.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': These evil creatures preyed on all life, driving species after species to extinction. Meanwhile, however, the second species evolved to fend off the Dark Ones, befriending and protecting all other living things.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Even Celine Dion?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Probably. We call these noble beings the Encyclopods, because their DNA incorporates the DNA of every endangered species they encountered, so they can recreate them if they go extinct.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Just as a pillow, a wig and a corncob pipe can be used to recreate my old girlfriend!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Bingo.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': At the Feministas' hideout.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Transition Announcer 2''': Meanwhile, at the Honeybun Hideout.</poem><br />
:''[Hermes, Zoidberg and Farnsworth and locked up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': There! Now you know how it feels to be locked up in a go-go cage.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': What the hell are you talking about?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': Shut your man-hole.</poem><br />
:''[She presses a button. Music starts playing and coloured lights spin around the room. The three men eerily groan as they force themselves to dance.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': I feel dirty.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the other room of the cave.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Are you sure Fry is working for your father? It just doesn't seem like him to be so evil, or to hold down a job.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': It's true, Leela. Cross My Heart bra and swear to Goddess.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But the Fry I know wouldn't do that. I'm gonna call his cell phone telephone and prove you wrong. ''[She walks over to a phone booth and tries to open the door. The camera pans down and reveals Frida's body is blocking the door.]'' Oh, no! Frida's been murdered!</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas all gasp.]''<br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': Sweet she-cattle of Seattle.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes (from off screen)''': Not your strong suit, woman.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Who could have done this?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Your dad? Nixon?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Fry?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, never. I don't think. Anyhow, there's a crazed murderer on the loose, possibly in the shadows or hanging from the ceiling. ''[They all scream.]'' So just stay calm while I call Fry.</poem><br />
:''[Leela forces the door open and stands on Frida's body while making the call. Cut to Fry talking with Nine.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So where are the Encyclopods and the Dark Ones now?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Wh-... ''[Hutch is cooking a can of food with the light of the hologram.]'' When the life-giving Chee receded, only the toughest organisms could adapt and survive, like the Dark Ones. ''[The Madfellows boo.]'' Many more died out, like the Encyclopods. But, and this is the great secret of our age, we believe they left an egg behind.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Is it edible?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': We're not gonna eat it! Not unless we find a second one. No, Fry, we intend to hatch it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': And that's where you come in.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': And here I am.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': At long last the tide of Chee has returned, and its nourishing flow has awakened the dormant egg.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That's good.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': It's better than good. It's better. With its massive stash of DNA, the Encyclopod can reconstruct every species that ever went extinct.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Imagine, all the animals that failed evolution's test, alive again! The dodo bird, the brittle-klutz, the striped biologist-taunter.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So, where is this egg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': In the violet dwarf star system.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': And what does it look like?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': A violet dwarf star!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You mean, the whole star is a single... Whoa! Sci-fi.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Alas! Even now, a Dark One is headed to the star to ensure its destruction.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Dang! So what does this Dark One look like?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': ''[He sighs.]'' We don't know. I admit it's a horrifically grave situation.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Don't sugarcoat it, Nine. The Dark Ones have been evolving so long, it could be anything or anyone. Or anybody.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You mean, like, people?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Any people. It will kill the egg, and every dude, woman and child who knows about it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Even our crazy caps will be useless at close range. That's why only you, with your defective unreadable brainwave, may be able to thwart them and usher in a new green age of wonder and...</poem><br />
:''[Fry's cell phone starts ringing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You're on Fry-time. Leela! Did you get my message?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What message?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Didn't you see Frida Waterfall?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She gasps.]''So you did kill Frida Waterfall?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': What? No. I told her to tell you that I'm... Oh, Jeep! The Dark Ones got her. It's all true. We need to talk, Leela. Then I can explain... ''[Nine motions "No!"]'' Well, I can't explain anything, but we should talk anyway. Where are you?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Oh, no. I'm not gonna expose the Honeybun Hideout. Where are you?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Near the Keeler Crater on Mars. Do you know it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I, I, uh... I think I read about it.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to Bender, Zapp and Kif listening in on the call.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She is heard through a speaker on the Nimbus.]'' I'll meet you at the south rim in one hour. No moustaches.</poem><br />
:''[Leela hangs up and Bender turns off the speaker and does an evil laugh.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Kif, set coordinates, 36-24-36. AKA, Leela.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Mars, the southern rim of the Keeler Crater.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Ten minutes late. Ain't that just like a womanista?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Psst. Are you alone?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Of course, don't you trust me?</poem><br />
:''[The Nimbus emerges on the horizon.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp (over PA)''': There's no escape, Leela. If you surrender, wave your shirt in the air.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Fry, you traitor!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy (over PA)''': Hop onto the magnet, Leela!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay. One, two... ''[Her boots are pulled to the magnet. She screams and Fry laughs, but he is grabbed by the ears and pulled along with her. The Planet Express ship takes off with the Nimbus chasing after it.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She throws him in the go-go cage.]'' I can't believe you ratted me out, Fry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I'm not a rat, I swear. If I'm any rodent, it's the loyal capybara, king of the rats! No, wait.</poem><br />
:''[The ship is hit by a shot from the Nimbus.]''<br />
<poem>'''Linda''': This just in, we are about to get our asses blown off. Labarbara?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': That's right, Linda. ''[She screams.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Stay strong, ladies. We can lose them in the giant miniature golf course.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But the course isn't finished. And there's no girls allowed.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Fore! ''[She pulls the steering wheel to the right with her club.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': So, they want to play mini golf, eh? Two can play at that game. Or even four, depending on the number of ball colors available.</poem><br />
:''[Bender and Kif sigh at the same time.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': I choose pink.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': That's their color, sir.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': The hell it is.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': They're gaining on us. We need a birdie on the windmill hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Wait. Wait. Drop the boot!</poem><br />
:''[They make it through and everybody cheers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Sir, at our present speed, the computer predicts a 100% chance we'll be sliced in half. We'll never make it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Not with that attitude, we won't. Same speed ahead!</poem><br />
:''[The Nimbus is sliced in half by a blade of the windmill. The trail of smoke is polluted by bodies of suffocating soldiers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': We made it through, Kif. How many men did we lose?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': All of them.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Well, at least they won't have to mourn each other. Seal the airlocks, and draw the shades. Resume shooting.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, no! The gorilla! That's a par-four!</poem><br />
:''[Everybody screams.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': The mouth's too dangerous. I'm going for the nose.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Don't be a sucker. You won't come out anywhere near the hole. You need to aim for the jaws just when they start to close.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Start to close? Are you out of your...</poem><br />
:''[Amy holds up her magazine cover of herself on Mini-Golf Digest. Leela aims for the mouth and makes it through.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': We made it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Captaining 101 . Go for the nose.</poem><br />
:''[The ship enters the right nostril and exits the left then rams into the banana. Everybody is thrown to the floor and a fire starts.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': My arms are broken, I'll never paint again. ''[He starts crying.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': You can't sue the military.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm okay then.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Damage report.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': We lost all remaining food and oxygen, Captain. As well as our XM Radio antenna.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Then this chase is over. Kif, set course for the nearest XM repair facility. Meanwhile, we shall sing top hits from the '80s.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Which '80s, sir?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': For me, there are only one '80s. ''[The ships slowly heads away from the chase.]'' '''(VO)''': Smell like I sound, ''[Kif groans.]'' I'm lost and I'm found. ''[Kif groans.]''And I'm hungry like the wolf.</poem><br />
:''[Cut back to the Planet Express ship traversing the mini-golf pipe. Everybody screams while in the yellow tube.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': The shot was too good! We're jamming straight for the hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': We're gonna crash, even.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Shmeesh, shmill out, shmeverybody. It's a wormhole hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Of course, a wormhole! We'll simply disappear and reappear in a... ''[They enter the wormhole.]'' ...nother part of the universe.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': We made it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Uh, whaa...</poem><br />
:''[The occupants of the ship cheer, but are silenced after they realize they are right back with the Nimbus.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Crud nuggets! We de-spaced right next to the Nimbus.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Just when you think the chase is over, it gets twice as exciting!</poem><br />
:''[The three comrades are sitting in the bridge, Bender still humming "Hungry Like a Wolf" by Duran Duran, when he spots the opposing ship.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hey, look at that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Well, well, well. My bloodhound-like instincts must have hunted them down while my other parts were throbbing to Duran Duran.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Shall I initiate a pointless and potentially fatal pursuit?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Make it so.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': It's gonna be fun on a bun, in space.</poem><br />
:''[The Nimbus starts up and takes off from the XM repair station, severely damaging it. The Planet Express ship flies by the Violet Dwarf Star System and observes the life on it.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Look! The asteroid. Now it's crawling with life. Like Zoidberg's sandals!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Wow! It's incredible.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But it'll be destroyed when Leo Wong blows up the violet dwarf. So why are you helping him?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I can't tell you, Leela. You just have to trust me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You keep saying that, but you have to give me something to go on or I...</poem><br />
:''[An alarm goes off.]''<br />
<poem>'''Planet Express Ship Alarm''': Out of whale oil. Out of whale oil.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She gasps.]'' The out-of-fuel indicator. It's indicating.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Say, what's that violet-colored dwarf-like star thing we're drifting into?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': The violet dwarf star!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Of course. The gorilla was the 18th hole, so we're headed into the ball return.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Aye, what else now can go wrong?</poem><br />
:''[The ship shakes and there is a loud crash.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp on the monitor)''': Ladies, you're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded again and again.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Petunia''': He'll never take me alive. ''[She starts hacking up smoke.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Don't give up yet. I've got one more trick up my sleeve.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': That's exactly the number we need.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to Kif and Zapp. They leap from the Nimbus and float down to the Planet Express ship. They settle at the window of the ship.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Ah, the fairer sex.</poem><br />
:''[Fry, Zoidberg, Hermes and Farnsworth are dancing in the go-go cage.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Something's very wrong here, and yet a little bit right.</poem><br />
:''[Guns are cocked.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela (off-screen)''': Not so fast, Brannigan. ''[All nine of them have guns.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (off-screen)''': Even less fast, feministas! ''[He has a gun that controls nine other guns.]''</poem><br />
:''[They all gasps.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Bender?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All two tons of me.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Earth Supreme Court]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bailiff''': Oye, oye, oye. All rise for the honorable Chief Justice D-O-G-G and the Associate Justices.</poem><br />
:''[Sal pulls the judges out from the back room.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Judge Dogg]]''': Yo. Seat it or beat it. The charges against y'all femditos is murder, mayhem, vandalism, kidnapping and resisting arrest. Damn! The big five. You may now make your opening "what you got to say for yourselves."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': May it please the Court... ''[Judge Dogg slams his gavel.]'' I mean, may it plizzle the cozizzle.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Proceed.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': These charges are outrageous. Our only goal was to save a rare violet star and its precious ecosystem. If protecting the environment is a crime, then...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Protecting the environment is a crime.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela': ''[She clears her throat.]'' I rest my mouth.</poem><br />
:''[Time lapse]''<br />
<poem>'''Bailiff''': Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': I... Well, now, I... Am I under oath when I take the oath?</poem><br />
:''[Time lapse]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Ruth Ginsberg's Head]]''': Can the witness identify the feminista leader?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': That's her right there, with the "I'm gonna kill you Bender" look in her eye.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Antonin Scalia's Head]]''': Hey, aren't you the robot who robbed me at gunpoint last year?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No further answers, Your Honor.</poem><br />
:''[Time lapse]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Please, Justice Dogg, Leela and her friends are completely innocent.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Hold up. Were you or were you not abducted by these hoes?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Well, abducted is such an ugly word.</poem><br />
:''[Time lapse]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Thomas]]''': Mr. Wong, the court cannot compel you to testify against your own daughter.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': No. No, I want to. Also, I got something to say about my wife.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to Judge Dogg, who is listening to music on headphones.]''<br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Aw, yeah. Having heard some of the testimony over these jams I've been listening to, me and my crew will now kick it in the mix.</poem><br />
:''[The Bailiff connects all of the judges together. Their heads spin and electricity arcs between them as they deliberate. A pan across the Feministas show they are all holding hands. When Leela appears on the screen, she is holding hands with Zapp, who is grinning and waves at her with his fingers. She cracks his fingers and he falls to the floor in pain. The judges stop deliberating and Judge Dogg's jar is emitting bubbles and smoke.]''<br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': A'ight. We got us a verdict up in this ''High'' Court. Bailiff, drop it like it's legal precedent.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bailiff''': In the matter of Leo Wong v. The Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, four justices vote to convict, five to acquit.</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Antonin Scalia's Head''': However, since the vote was strictly along gender lines and the female justices' votes only count half, you are hereby found guilty.</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas groan.]''<br />
<poem>'''Ruth Ginsberg's Head''': It's a humiliating and biased system, but it works.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Fifty years in the maximum security Dogg house. ''[He bangs his gavel.]'' Peace.</poem><br />
:''[Sal pushes the judges back out of the room. Leela glares over at Fry.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Maxi-Padlock: High-Security Women's Prison. A bus drives in through the security gates. The Feministas are put in a holding cell.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Warden]]''': Ladies! Welcome to hell.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Petunia''': Beats Nutley on a Saturday night.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Warden''': This is a privately-owned for-profit prison and I run a tight, cheap ship! I've done this by cutting cost everywhere, especially on punishment. I rely on you inmates to make prison unpleasant for yourselves. You're encouraged to sexually harass new prisoners, organize no-holds-barred catfights and maintain poor hygiene.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Try and make me, copper.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Warden''': Oh... a troublemaker. ''[She laughs.]'' Taste the lash of my 99-cent-store nightstick!</poem><br />
:''[The Warden strikes Amy and the nightstick squeaks upon impact.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Mr. Wong's office in Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Mr. Wong plays with a hologram of the violet dwarf star system.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Yee-ha! With the feministas in jail, it full speed ahead. You and me, Fry. We implode the violet dwarf star tomorrow. Ka-boom-boom.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You and me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Yeah.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Tomorrow?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Tomorrow.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Ka-boom?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Ka-boom-boom.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong pushes down on the plunger and the hologram of the star explodes and vanishes. Fry looks nervous as Mr. Wong is seen evily laughing in the reflection of his tinfoil hat.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is wandering in the Martian Reservation.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hello? Madfellows? I need to- ''[He is hit on the head with a bottle and passes out. Small time lapse and he awakens.]'' Okay, Leo Wong's about to destroy the violet dwarf. So, whatever I need to know to stop him, tell me now.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Alas! Stopping Wong isn't the only problem. One of the Dark Ones will try to stop you from stopping him. So, you must stop it from stopping you from stopping him.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But how can I stop it stop me stop him?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Stop it! Behold, the Omega Device.</poem><br />
:''[Hutch pulls a curtain to the side and reveals the device, which is sitting on a cardboard box.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That's it? The name "Omega Device" sort of conjured up something cooler-Iooking. Not that I'm disappointed or anything.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': The important thing is what's inside.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': What does that look like?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': No one knows, man. It was invented by a blind inventor, and the one dude he described it to was deaf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mad Fellow''': So the legend goes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': When activated, the device will emit a localized blast of delta-band noise to momentarily disable the Dark One.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Like farting in a tent?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': No, an elevator. Which is why you must strike the enemy at point blank range!</poem><br />
:''[The Madfellows agree.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But the Dark One could look like anything or anyone, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Or anywhere.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So, what's your plan to recognize it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': We don't have one.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Got it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': And we don't dare think of one neither. 'Cause if we do, the Dark Ones might sense kind of the general vibe. Even through our mighty foil. ''[He pokes a hole through his hat.]'' Oh, man! Anyone got some tape or some gum?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': As my colleague indicated, the plan cannot come from us, Fry. We were counting on you and your unreadable brain to come up with something.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That was a mistake.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': I see that now.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Freaky thing is, the Dark Ones' thoughts are unreadable, just like yours.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Yes, if we dared unwrap our heads, we could easily locate the one other being whose mind we can't read. The Dark One!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': But then the Dark One would read our minds and crush them like blood pumpkins.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Wait. I can read minds and my mind can't be read. I have a plan.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Great. Whatever it is, don't tell us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Wait. Fry can read minds and his mind can't be read. So he can safely scan for the Dark One...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Shut up! Shut up!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': ...whose mind can't be read...</poem><br />
:''[All of the Madfellows cover their ears and start gibbering over Hutch's voice.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Maxi-Padlock Women's Prison. The Feministas share one cell.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': Leela, time is running out. We must get to the violet star.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, okay. Shut up, already.</poem><br />
:''[Everybody in the cell is confused.]''<br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': Nobody's talking, Leela.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Trixie''': We're just painting each other's toenails with rat blood.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Warden''': Lights out, ladies! Those compact fluorescent bulbs waste pennies a day.</poem><br />
:''[The light flickers off and a door is heard closing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, feministas, all clear.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': ''[She falls off the top bunk.]'' Whoa!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': We now go live to Leela with the escape plan. Leela?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Thanks, Linda. Now we're in here because we tried to save endangered wildlife. So this time, endangered wildlife will save us.</poem><br />
:''[She pulls up her pant leg and shows everybody the leech is clamped onto her leg.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': The Martian muck leech.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That's right. He's been living off me since we got captured. ''[She gets light headed and has to sit down on a bed.]'' Little cutie almost sucked me dry.</poem><br />
:''[She pulls the leech away from her leg and throws it at the back wall of the cell, which it promptly begins burrowing into. The Feministas cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': Look at him go. Like a green snake through a sugarcane cake.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes (on her cell phone)''': Keep trying.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Scruffy is painting the Planet Express ship Electric Mucus again with a large spray can. He shakes it before spraying. Pan over to Zoidberg, who is making the same shaking noise by moving his body up and down. He turns to the ship and vomits the same color all over it.]''<br />
<br />
:''[News segment.]''<br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': Our top story. The universe's most wanted eco-feminists are now behind bars, including gang leader, Turanga Leela. AKA, the Notorious B-I-Itch.</poem><br />
:''[Pull out of the TV to the Planet Express lounge. Farnsworth and Hermes are watching TV on a 304" MagnaPhallix and a commercial for the 308" edition is on. Zoidberg and Scruffy enter.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': We finished un-pinking the ship, Hubert. Now what?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Now we get back to work. And if that means destroying an ecosystem or two, so be it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': I just meant without our good friends Fry, Leela, Amy and the robut.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, boo-hoo. This is a business, not a social club. Money talks.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Lincoln (on a $5 bill)''': True wealth is measured in friendships.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Shut up, you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Scruffy''': Life goes on. But I believe we'll forever carry the pain on the inside.</poem><br />
:''[He licks his finger and turns a page of his Play-Boy-Ar-Dee magazine.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Women's Prison. A rooster crows at dawn.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Oh, no, a rooster! That indicates it's the following morning.</poem><br />
:''[Everybody makes noises as they wake up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': How's that creepy crawler doing?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I'm sorry, femi-sisters, but it pooped out around 3:00 a.m. Poor thing couldn't take another bite.</poem><br />
:''[The leech bites onto her neck.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Well, I guess we failed. But what matters is, we tried our best and we looked good doing it.</poem><br />
:''[There are many thuds coming from the wall. A crack starts forming and is finally broken down from the outside.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Bender, is that you?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Who does it look like? My identical cousin Buster?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Yes.</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You're here to break us out? But you're the one who put us in.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': But I'm Bender, king of the combination shot. I put you in so that by busting you out, I could commit 15 felonies at once. Puttin' my rap sheet miles ahead of yours on the all-time chart.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You are one devious bastard.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': That's what it says on my vanity plate. ''[He bends over and a license plate on his crotch plate reads "1DVS BSTD."]''</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the exterior of the prison. The group is hiding behind a wall near the hole Bender created.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What about the sentries?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Already taken care of. I sent them a cake laced with nutmeg. That's a human sleeping drug, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': No, it's a human baking drug.</poem><br />
:''[Bender groans and smack his forehead.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, Plan B. Everyone knows men have one fatal weakness - they can't resist hookers. Dixie, Trixie, you know what to do.</poem><br />
:''[Smash cut - Bender has been turned into a hooker by means of masquera, a blond wig and eye lashes. Two balloons are strategically positioned on his body and a small amount of fabric covers him.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He walks out with a swagger and speaks in an effeminate voice.]'' Hello, boys! ''[The spot lights are directed at him and he is fired at my machine guns. The firing stops.]'' Your eyes say no, but your machine gun fire says- ''[The gun fire resumes.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Asteroid in the Violet Dwarf Star System. The surface and its animals are covered in a while goo. Pull back from the system to an observation grand stand. There are hundreds of people present.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Ladies and gentleman and whatever, welcome to my most environmentally disastrous implosion ever. A whole star system!</poem><br />
:''[The crowd cheers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Kif, old boy, mind if I sit on your shoulders for a better view?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Well, actually, sir, I was hoping...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zap''': Thanks.</poem><br />
:''[Kif ends up with his head up Zapp's man-skirt and sighs.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': My associate Philip Fry here will have honor to blow this ugly, dirty star into nice, clean black hole.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd cheers and Mr. Wong applauds as well as Fry slowly lowers himself below the podium.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Fry, careful those wires. What you doing down there?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He drops a wire.]'' Just polishing your shoes, Mr. W.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Mmm, that nice. Get between the toes there, very dirty.</poem><br />
<br />
:''[Cut back to the prison. The group is pinned down in Bender's hole in the wall by machine gun fire. Sirens are sounding.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Well, so much for Plan B.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What's Plan C?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All situations have the same Plan C. Bending, come on.</poem><br />
:''[They run towards the closet wall. They reach it and Bender attempts to move it.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': We're boned, Bender. It's a brick wall.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Granted, it's not on the list of approved bendables, but I'm so great!</poem><br />
:''[Bender bends the 50 foot brick wall and only Leela, Amy, Labarbara and Bender escape over it. They take shelter behind a mound of land and hear dogs in the distance.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Dogs! The boning continues.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He pulls a telephone out of his chest.]'' Green Bluebird, this is Mr. Fabulous. We are go for cheesing it.</poem><br />
:''[The Planet Express ship approaches for an extraction. The dogs have reached the ship, but only one can bite onto the tail wing before quickly loosing grip. Gun fire chases the ship as it flies away from the prison.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She enters the bridge.]'' Professor! Hermes! Zoidberg! ''[She looks at Scruffy]'' Uh...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Scruffy''': Scruffy. The janitor.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You helped us escape? Even after we locked you in a go-go cage like common go-go dancers?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': I couldn't live with myself, Leela. I call myself a scientist, wear the white coat and probe a monkey every now and again, yet I put monetary gain ahead of preserving nature. Can you ever forgive me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Scruffy''': I reckon.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I could kiss you, Professor.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Okay, but watch out for my new grill. ''[He smiles and shows his gold and diamond teeth.]''</poem><br />
<br />
''[Cut back to the destruction of the star system. The audience cheers as Zapp takes the stage.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Zapp Brannigan''': Before the grand finally ''[Mispronunciation of finale]'' , as it were, it seems only fitting that I, Commodore 64 Zapp Brannigan, say a few brief pages in honor of...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine (Telepathically)''': Whatever your plan is, Fry, I suggest you get on with it. Get... Shoot, I got hot sauce on my Number 9 shirt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Okay, locate the Dark One by finding someone whose thoughts I can't read.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp Brannigan: And unaccustomed...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp Brannigan (Telepathically)''': By God! I'm the greatest speaker of all time. They're suckling at the teats of my every syllable.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp Brannigan: Allow me now...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif (Telepathically)''': His voice is like ear sandpaper.I miss Amy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon's Head (Telepathically)''': The one secret no one ever suspected is that I really did stage the moon landing. On Venus. (LAUGHING)</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Mom]] (Telepathically)''': ''[She sighs]'' If I had all the money in the world, I'd... Oh, wait. I do. ''[Evil laugh.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Calculon]] (Telepathically)''': I'd like to thank the academy, my agent, and most of all, my operating system, Windows Vista, for everything it... System error.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Snoop Dogg (Telepathically)''': Naked ladies. Naked ladies. Naked ladies. Naked ladies.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong (Telepathically)''': I never should have taken that accent elimination class from Jackie Chan.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp Brannigan''': And so, as we obliterize this star, let us remember those immortal words once spoken by a great man, moi. And I quote, "All good things must come to an end, preferably in a humongous explosion."</poem><br />
:''[The audience cheers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Let's pop this beach ball.</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Ten! Nine! Eight!</poem><br />
:''[Fry lifts his hat up and hears indiscernible chatter of the crowd.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': There's no one here whose thoughts can't be read. No one, except me! My thoughts can't be read. But, but that's crazy. If I were the Dark One, I'd know it, wouldn't I? But, here I am, right where the Dark One would be, about to blow up the star. Oh, God! Somewhere deep inside of me, it's me! I'm the Dark One!</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Two... one!</poem><br />
:''[A crashing is heard and the crowd gasps. Leela has crashed the ship into the observation dome. She exits the ship with a megaphone.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Put your hands in the air!</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps and obliges.]''<br />
<poem>'''Snoop Dogg''': Should we wave them like we just don't care?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That's optional.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': You girl punks gone too far this time. Your parents should be ashamed.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Yes, you should!</poem><br />
:''[Mr and Mrs. Wong gasps and she reveals her identity to them.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mrs. Wong''': Amy?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Amy!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice (Telepathically to Mr. Wong)''': Destroy the star, Leo, hurry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': You got it, Mr. Voice-in-my-head. ''[He makes a howling Kung Fu noise. Him and Leela fight over the plunger. He gets it away from her, but Amy whack him in the stomach with her putter.]'' I've gotta admit, Amy, you got a pretty good swing.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Really? Thanks, Dad.</poem><br />
:''[He reaches out for the plunger, but she whacks him in the chest again and he groans in pain.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, time to defuse this star cracker once and for all. ''[She begins to cut the wire for the plunger.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Leela, wait. You're making a mistake. You have no idea what's really going on.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What is really going on?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I can't tell you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Then why should I trust you? Why?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Because... Because...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You're you. That's all I need to know.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No! Don't do it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Scruffy''': Fiddlesticks.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Leela, are you crazy? We became fugitives and jail-breakers to stop him.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': And hookers, don't forget hookers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Shame on all of you. After everything we've been through together, do you really think Fry would-</poem><br />
:''[Fry pushes down on the plunger and everybody gasps. The camera follows the spark along the wire to a wire that was crudely spliced in. It travels up to the Omega Device, which Fry is now holding to his chest.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Goodbye, Leela. I destroy myself to save you.</poem><br />
:''[The spark reaches the device and it transforms into a mid-evil coat rack. There is a green orb charging in the center of it which then expands, encasing Fry and Leela in a ball for a small moment. It's all over as quickly as it began, leaving Fry and Leela confused. Fry attempts to trigger it again by pushing down on the plunger a few more times.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon's Head''': Where's the boom? I was expecting a boom.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': It didn't work. I'm the Dark One, and it didn't do anything. ''[He throws the plunger to the floor.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': ''[It is emitted from Leela's body.]'' You're not the Dark One, I am.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Leela?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': Not Leela, you moron. Me! ''[It's revealed that the Desert Muck Leech is the Dark One. He screams and falls flat.]'' What did you do to me?</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Ew!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dark One''': I am the Dark One. The very last Dark One. How is it possible I couldn't read your mind? Oh, I am momentarily disabled.</poem><br />
:''[A thunder claps behind them and everybody looks at the Violet Dwarf Star System. The smaller asteroids line up beind the largest asteroid and move as one into the violet dwarf star and it undergoes mitosis.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Randy]]''': ''[He gasps.]'' What's happening out there?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Sal]]''': Somethings wondersful.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': The star and the asteroid. They were an egg and a sperm.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Preacherbot''': Great modem of mercy. Cover the children's eyes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': There are no children here.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Preacherbot''': Then move your fat head. I can't see.</poem><br />
:''[The process is complete and an Encyclopod emerges. The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': The Encyclopod is reborn. A new green age has begun!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mad Fellow''': So the legend foretold.</poem><br />
:''[The Encyclopod moves toward and past the observation dome, displaying the ecosystem on its back.]''<br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Look! Inside its pouch. Extinct Tasmanian tigers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': And dodo birds.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': And white rhinos.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': And striped biologist-taunters.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Striped Biologist-Taunter''': What are you gonna do, shoot us?</poem><br />
:''The Encyclopod circles around the dome and stops in front of the crowd.]''<br />
<poem>'''Encyclopod''': Life! ''[The crowd gasps.]'' These once extinct plants and animals are my gift to the universe. Through untold generations, my race has treasured their DNA. Treat them wisely with the knowledge that all species are precious.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': This is unbelievable. What's going on?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': To answer that, I must tell you a story. A story of two alien species so ancient that-</poem><br />
:''[The Dark One attacks his neck and he falls over. The crowd screams and Fry slaps the creature off Hutch's neck.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hutch, are you okay?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': My sister's femi-necklace. ''[He reaches for the necklace lodged in Fry's head.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': What? ''[It is pulled out of his head and he screams.]'' Hey, how come I can't read your thoughts anymore?</poem><br />
:''[Hutch falls dead with a grunt.]''<br />
<poem>'''Encyclopod''': I shall avenge you, Hutch Waterfall.</poem><br />
:''[The Encyclopod fries the Dark One with a laser emitted from his eyes.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': After all these eons, the Dark Ones are no more. Will you preserve their DNA, O' Great Encyclopod?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Encyclopod: I suppose I should. Wait, where did it go?</poem><br />
:''[Pan to Zoidberg who is licking his claws.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': What?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Encyclopod''': Well, at any rate, I shall preserve the DNA of Homo sapiens.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Huh. I thought you only saved the DNA of endangered species.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Encyclopod''': Farewell. ''[He flies away.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I guess he didn't hear me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Well, looks like that wraps everything up in a nice big, old, fat sack of...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp Brannigan''': I hereby arrest you fugitives on 53 counts of fugivity. Kif, round them up, and spare me the weary sigh for once. ''[Pause.]'' Kif?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': ''[He is running into the ship with the rest of the crew.]'' Wait for me.</poem><br />
:''[The ship backs out of the dome and takes off with the Nimbus right behind it, firing wildly.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Well, this is the end. There was so many things I wanted to say to you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Like what?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Like this is not the end. But mostly just, I love you, Leela.</poem><br />
:''[The ship shakes as it is hit by one of the Nimbus' shots.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Maybe I waited too long to say this, but I love you, too- '''wormhole!'''</poem><br />
:''[The ship is heading straight for a worm hole in space.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Sweet topology of cosmology, it's huge!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': If we fly into it, it could take us trillions of light years away. There's no knowing if we'll ever return.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': What do we do? Should we go for it?</poem><br />
:''[Pause in dialogue. Bender gets a beer out of his chest and opens it.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Into the breach, meatbags. Or not. Whatever. ''[He starts drinking the beer.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.</poem><br />
:''[Fry and Leela kiss as they fly into the wormhole. It closes shut after their transmission.]''<br />
:''[End credits.]''</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Transcript:Into_the_Wild_Green_Yonder&diff=49779Transcript:Into the Wild Green Yonder2009-09-04T22:27:00Z<p>Mini-Me: Almost there</p>
<hr />
<div>{{transcript infobox<br />
|for=Into the Wild Green Yonder<br />
|thanks to=Mini-Me<br />
|prev ep= Bender's Game Part 4<br />
|prev film=Bender's Game<br />
}}<br />
<br />
{{working|Mini-Me}}<br />
<br />
:''[Pan over space, planets and meteors.]''<br />
:''[Caption: BLACK DWARF SYSTEM - DEEPEST SPACE]''<br />
:''[A green light claps in them middle of the screen and a pulsing, green ripple expands outward. Cut to a violet star.]''<br />
:''[Caption: VIOLET DWARF SYSTEM - SLIGHTLY DEEP SPACE]''<br />
:''[One of the green waves passes over the system and the planets all glow a light green. Zoom into the largest celestial body in the system and into a bubbling pool of liquid in a crater where a strand of DNA is formed. The strand fades into a roller coaster track in Mars Vegas. Some of the Planet Express crew and other characters fly across the screen in a roller coaster car. A parody of the "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas" sign says "Welcome to Fabulous Mars Vegas."]''<br />
<br />
:''[The opening credits start, with a theme song that is almost exclusively tubular bells.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Seth MacFarlane]] (singing)''': You and I will be reborn,<br />
In a future place and time,<br />
If everything our Hindu brethren say is true.<br />
In an age of things that hover,<br />
You and I will still be lovers,<br />
And we'll say to ourselves<br />
That was then and this is, too.<br />
'Cause we'll still find the happening hot spots,<br />
We'll still cruise the cool casinos.<br />
You'll still fly me to the moon,<br />
Although the moon to which you fly me,<br />
Could be Phobos or Deimos.<br />
The psychic worms from Rigel Nine,<br />
Who control everything we do,<br />
Will make us think that was then,<br />
And 3010 is exactly the same as 1962.<br />
Don't expect any changes, my friend,<br />
That was then and this is, too.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A hover grand stand is filled with a crowd of people who overlook Mars Vegas from far away.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Bender]]''': Wow, Mars Vegas. Long live the eternal city.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Leo and Inez Wong|Mr. Wong]]''': Two, one, zero!</poem><br />
:''[He pushes down a plunger and Mars Vegas is levelled by a large explosion.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Rest in hell, Crapville!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A large worm moves through the desert of Mars.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Leo and Inez Wong|Mrs. Wong]]''': Out here in the desert, we’re gonna build bigger, better Vegas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Bathtubs size of oceans, hookers size of bouncers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He blubbers.]'' Hamburger!</poem><br />
:''[The worm has stopped at a station.]''<br />
<poem>'''Worm Announcer''': Stand clear of the closing jaws.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The group stands in a construction site of a new hotel.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yo, you need any girders bent, I know a guy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Amy Wong]]''': So what's gonna be over there, Dad?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': That? That the oasis. ''[A bulldozer destroys a small area of trees and grass. A tree was missed, so a man sets it on fire with a flame thrower.]'' Future site of Oasis Hotel. ''[He laughs.]'' Take that, you stupid Mother Nature.</poem><br />
: ''[A car door closes. Pan over to the Feministas standing behind the caution perimeter with protest signs.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Frida Waterfall]]''': Okay. Let's hit him hard.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feministas''': This land is your land. This land is my land</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Fry]]''': Who are you noisy women?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': I'm Frida Waterfall, leader of the Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, and we will not let you man-doze this beautiful gyno-desert.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Well, I'm Leo Wong, and I say, "Boom!"</poem><br />
:''[He pushes down a plunger and the Feministas are send flying into the air from an explosion. Everybody else laughs as they fall back to the surface. Frida lands on Fry and it is revealed that her Femi-necklace has lodged in his brain. Everybody gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Hey, what happened to my femi-necklace? And where's my mega-fem?</poem><br />
:''[The megaphone hits her in the head and she is knocked out. Zoidberg rushes to Fry with a stethoscope.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Professor Farnsworth]]''': Is he badly hurt, Dr. Zoidberg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Zoidberg]]''': I don't quite know how to say this. ''(Sobbing:)'' Fry is dead!</poem><br />
:''[Everybody starts sobbing, but then Fry groans and wakes up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Wait, not dead. The other thing.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Damn eco-broads! You can't even spray for eagles without upsetting these kooks. ''[He sprays a tree and two eagles fall out, then a cave man falls out.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Leela]]''': Now, hang on. Before you do construction, don't you have to make sure you're not harming any native species?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': You mean, cursory environmental survey? Already done! By top scientist.</poem><br />
:''[He interrupts Farnsworth counting a wad of cash.]''<br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Err, what? Oh, my, yes. You've got the go-ahead, Mr. Wong. This place is deader than last year's cat.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, it's not! There's precious life right here in this scum puddle. ''[He holds up a desert muck leech.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ah! Cyprinodon martius. The desert muck leech. Amazingly, the entire species lives in this one tiny stink hole. ''(To Mr. Wong:)'' Killing these will be so much easier than exterminating those ponies.</poem><br />
:''[He imitates a pony, then imitates a machine gun, then imitates a dying pony.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Wait a second. Leeches may not be cuddly like pandas or tribbles, but these poor endangered creatures deserve... ''[She pets the leech, it makes a noise and then it bites and clamps onto her neck.]'' Get off me! ''[She throws it to the ground.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'll get it with my trusty foot cups: Stompy and Smashy.</poem><br />
:''[Bender tries repeatedly to squish the creature, but Leela bends over to stop him from trying.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, don't kill it! We have to...</poem><br />
:''[When she bends over, the leech bites onto her neck again. She runs off-screen screaming. Mr. Wong is seen pouring a bag of Poison Cement into the hole the leech came from. He then directs a large parking lot paving machine to roll over the area.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': There. They're not endangered anymore. They're extinct. ''[He chuckles.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, they're not. I saved this one. And I'm gonna raise it and care for it, so the world will forever know what it's lost. ''[The leech then bites her eye and she screams.]'' You freaking slime wad! ''[She pulls is off her eye and stomps on it, then stops.]'' No. I killed it. It was the last of its kind. ''[The creature comes back to life and bites onto her knee.]'' Mother-''(bleep)''. Let go of me, you... ''[She holds her leg up and fries the leech with a laser from her Wristlomojacker.]'' Poor thing.</poem><br />
:''[It flies back at her neck and clamps on again. She screams as the camera pans over the Mr. Wong and Fry. Mr. Wong kicks Fry's leg twice to wake him up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Tell you what, Fry. You all promise not to sue me, I give you token for free entry in poker tournament. ''[He slips a poker chip into Fry's pocket on his shirt while Fry is still somewhat unconscious.]'' He took it, you all saw it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Maybe we did, maybe we didn't. ''[Leela runs across the screen behind them, battling the leech still.]'' What's in it for me, Bender?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Okay, okay. Come back when New Vegas opens, I give you all free rooms, free dinner and free tickets to Celine Dion.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Lose the Celine Dion tickets and you got yourself a deal.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': All right, damn it, done!</poem><br />
:''[The crew cheers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All right, I scored.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Wong Hotel & Casino is completed. The crew is playing a row of slot machines.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Look out, Vegas, I've got a system. ''[He inserts a quarter and pulls the lever while laughing. The rolls of the machine land on "OUT OF ORDER," "OUT OF ORDER" and "NO REFUNDS."]'' Oh. I'm bankrupt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He chuckles.]'' You said it, Hermes. He is pathetic, but lovable.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Yup. What? I said no such thing, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I am not acting weird, Leela. Why is everyone talking at once?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Fry, calm down and stop braining.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Yeah, Fry, maybe you need to-</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You're right, Amy! Maybe I do need some fresh air.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Man, I'm worried about him. But not enough to stop gambling for even a single second.</poem><br />
:''[He uses his quarter on a string to scam the slot machine and pulls on the lever. He gets three Leo Wong heads.]''<br />
<poem>'''Three Leos on the Machine''': You win, damn it!</poem><br />
:''[Quarters are dispensed from the machine as bells are going off.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He laughs.]'' It's all in the wrist. ''[He unscrews his hand from his wrist and sucks up the quarters like a vacuum. He sucks quarters out of Farnsworth's pocket as well.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A street in Mars Vegas. Traffic has filled the streets. Cut to Fry's eyes as he walks down the sidewalk of pedestrians.]''<br />
<br />
:''[There is overlapping chatter.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Voices always yelling. Who - who said that? I'm not insane. Stop it. Stop talking in me!</poem><br />
:''[Fry runs into a close alley.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Hutch Waterfall]]''': Voices bothering you, man? I've been there. You need one of these doodangs. ''[He taps on his foil hat.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Over the chatter)''': A foil hat? Of course, he likes pastrami. What about the dog's testicles? ''[Hutch puts his foil hat on Fry's head and the voices quiet.]'' Hey, it worked. The voices stopped.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': They've got a huge selection of carburetors... Hang on. Hang on. ''[He searches through a dumpster for a new hat and finds one with some pizza stuck to it.]'' That's better. My name's Hutch.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hi, Hutch. So what's with the obnoxious, shrieking voices? Are my fillings picking up The View?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': No, man. Truth is, it's other people's thoughts. You're a mind reader.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Although, actually, it was sort of obvious.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': You don't believe me? Take off the helmet.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I believe you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Seriously, do it. ''[Fry sighs and takes his hat off.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': Testing, testing. Do you read me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Loud and clear.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': What?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I said, "Loud and clear." Only I said it with my thinker, not my talker.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Whoa! Freaky. Why can't I read your thoughts?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I don't know. Wait. What's that about a secret society?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Never mind that. Just keep the foil on and you'll be okay. Also, it'll keep the Dark Ones from incinerating your brain.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That's a plus.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': And don't ever, ever, ever tell anyone you can read minds, or the Dark Ones will get you like that. ''[He poorly snaps his fingers.]'' Hang on, pizza grease. Like that. ''[He snaps his fingers and Fry let's out a concerned wail.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Many robots are walking into a theatre that is presenting Gearotica. In the theatre, robot performers are lowered from the ceiling and dance with the music.]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Clamps]]''': Jeez, get a load of the batteries on her. I'd like to get my clamps on those. Give her a jump, you know what I mean? ''[He laughs alone.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Donbot]]''': Whoa, whoa. Show some decorum there, Clamps. This ain't no strip show. This is a beguiling display of the pornographic arts.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Joey Mousepad]]''': Yo, Skip, I can see a guy's butt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael's Wife''': Oh, Michael, this is the perfect end to a perfect honeymoon.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': I love you so much.</poem><br />
:''[They move in to kiss, but Bender lands between them.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Is this seat taken?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': Actually, we...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Slide me those chicken wings. So what part of Podunk you rubes from?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': The north-eastern.</poem><br />
:''[Bender belches fire after drinking a bottle of red wine.]''<br />
:''[Two robots on stage move their hips on a gear until they are close enough to exchange a compact disc from one slot to another. The crowd applauds.]''<br />
<poem>'''Announcer''': Monsieurs et mademoiselles, our circus of the senses now arrives by steamboat in New Orleans, circa 2873. The muted lament of a trombone resonates through the fog, which lingers even now, months after the attack of the fog monster. With but one hope of restoring Gearoticus to his throne, our sensual fate rests in the gyrations of... Fanny.</poem><br />
:''[Fog covers the stage, but is blown away by the air movement from Fanny's fan, which is fixed to her rear end.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh. ''[He stops eating and watches Fanny move her fan around on stage. He stammers and his eyes extend out of his head to zoom in. They extend out farther, then his antenna extends and the woman next to him gasps.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Bender is scatting as he walks toward Fanny's dressing room door with flowers hidden behind him. He knocks on the door and Fanny answers.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Fanny]]''': Yes?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm Bender. Let's do it. ''[He holds out the flowers.]''</poem><br />
:''[The two stare at each other for a few seconds until the Donbot comes out of the dressing room with his gun cocked and pointed at Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Who is it, the Feds?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He gasps.]'' Aren't you the Donbot, head of the Robot Mafia?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Allegedly. And this is my beloved wife, Fanny, whose honor I would proudly defend with a power drill. Well, I gotta go drown a stoolie.</poem><br />
:''[As soon as the bathroom door closes Bender and Fanny start kissing, Fanny's fan is spinning. Suddenly the Donbot opens the door and Bender and Fanny quickly separate]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': I'm gonna be in here a while, so do me a favor and drive my wife home. It's one of them self-driving cars, so just sit in the back and do whatever.</poem><br />
:''[They start kissing again. Fanny twangs Bender's antenna.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Oh, Bender, your lips are intoxicating. It's like kissing an ashtray full of hot wings.</poem><br />
:''[They resume kissing and fall to the floor.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender (As if he were speaking through a fan)''': Aww yeahh!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is peacefully walking down a street. He stops and lift his hat off. The voices grow louder and louder until he puts his hat back on.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': My God, I really can read minds. I have a superpower! There must be something great I can do with this.</poem><br />
:''[He gasps. Cut to Fry standing in front of a Women's locker room door. He removes his hat and quickly walks in.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hello, ladies, I can read your thoughts. ''[Punches are heard and Fry is thrown out of the room.]'' Oh, wait, that's invisibility.</poem><br />
:''[Fry walks by a banner for Leo's Poker Tournament, back tracks to it and gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Poker. With my mind-reading abilities and my invisibility... Wait, no, just the mind reading. I can't lose!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sign me up for the tournament, please.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Administrator''': Okey-doke, Jiffy Pop. Entry fee's 50,000 smackers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': 50,000? Drat, all I have is my life savings and a token for free admission to this poker tournament.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Administrator''': Close enough. ''[He puts the wad of cash in his breast pocket.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': "ELZAR'S AT THE WONG" - The crew plus Fanny is occupying a booth in the restaurant.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': You're having an affair with the head of the robot mafia's wife?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (Off-screen)''': Yup, this is her I'm making out with.</poem><br />
:''[The entire table is shown, Bender and Fanny are laying in the center of it kissing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Bender, are you crazy?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No, it's Fry who's crazy in this one.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Psht, I'm not crazy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You sure you're okay, Fry? I mean, you do have tin foil on your head.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So? You've got a leech on your neck. Oh, and speaking of sucking on your neck, want to go to a movie later?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Elzar]]''': Hey, there! How are you folks doing tonight?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Great. What are the specials?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Elzar''': Well, let's see now. We've got a wonderful grizzly bear that's been dipped in cornmeal and lightly tormented. Questions?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': What was the bear's name?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Elzar''': Jojo.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Ooh, I'll have him.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the entrance of the restaurant, Donbot, Joey Mousepad and Clamps walk in. Fanny gasps, Bender yelps and moves half of his head into his body.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hide me!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': Hey, Donbot, ain't that your wife what with you had that wedding with?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': ''[While sauntering over to Donbot looking rather bloated.]'' Donbot, honey! What a pleasant shock! I was just having dinner alone, when suddenly you walk in on us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Alone, huh?</poem><br />
:''[Her body groans and Bender comes shooting out of her chest cavity.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Where am I? I was exploring a wormhole through space many light years from this restaurant, when suddenly I was surrounded by darkness. '''(To Fanny:)''' Hot, sexy darkness. ''[He purrs sensually.]'' Oh, why, hello, Donbot! Hello, miss, have we met? ''[He shakes Fanny's hand.]'' I'm Bender. The world's most sexual robot. I mean, the world's most boundary-respecting robot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Nice to see you, Bender. Welcome back to our universe. Listen, sugar, I stuck up the Burlington Coat Factory and got you a little something. It's a $49 value.</poem><br />
:''[He puts a white fur coat on her and she spins her fan and squeals with delight.]''<br />
<poem>'''Danny''': Donbot, I love you! '''(To Bender:)''' Not really.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Man, this is great! I always wanted to nail a dame in a fur coat, and now's my chance. ''[He catches himself.]'' I mean, if you'll introduce me to one, sir. '''(To Fanny:)''' One as sexy as you, baby! Bender out. ''[He struts away while humming/scatting. Zoom on Donbot's eyes, they squint, showing Donbot is onto Bender.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''[Establishing shot of the Wong Hotel & Casino. '''Scene''': Fanny and Bender walk through the Casino.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': I never felt so alive, Bender. Listen, this turquoise-encrusted bra is worth 50 grand. Let's sell it and run off before the Donbot gets wise.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He sighs.]'' No. It will take a lot more money than that to make a girl like you happy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': No, it won't.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yeah, it will. Shut up! We'll run off, but not till after I win the Universal Poker Championship! ''[He raises his hand to reveal his plan, reaches into Fanny's bosom, rips out the bra and slams it on the Administrator's counter.]'' One entry, please.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Bender, no! You can't beat the best players in the universe. You're not lucky enough.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh, no? I'm 40% lucky. ''[He bangs on his chest twice.]'' The scrap metal I'm made from included a truckload of horseshoes from the luckiest racehorses in Mexico, who had just been sent to a glue factory.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': They don't sound so lucky to me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Not without their shoes.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The [[The Hip Joint Janitor|Hip Joint Janitor]] walks up to the railing of a casino that has a "Dancing Fountains" display in front of it. He dumps a bottle of Diet Slurm and a pack of Mentos into the water and the show begins. Pan over to Bender, who is getting his foot cups polished by a machine. He is cheerfully humming again and Fanny walks up to him.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Here, Bendy, take this. It will give you 70% more luck. It's the Donbot's lucky robot's foot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All right! With two kinds of luck, I can't lose.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No, wait, three. I stepped on a leprechaun.</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad and Clamps stop in their car when they see Bender and Fanny together.]''<br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': Yo, you see this over here over there?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': I'm powering up the clamps.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': An old store titled "SMALL BILL'S LAUNDERING." The mafia trio sit in the back of the shop.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let us not rush to judgment.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': But, Skip, that was your lucky robot's foot what came off of your lucky leg.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': ''[He turns his chair to the side and shows his missing appendage.]'' While it is true that I did wake up with only one foot this morning, there is no proof that my beloved Fanny was involved. Aside from the hacksaw I found under her pillow.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': Well, what about that Bender guy? You want I should give him the clamps?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Not yet, Clamps. Only one thing can prove that he has my lucky foot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': Torture with the clamps or a clamp-like device?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': No. We are gonna sit tight and see if he wins the poker tournament. He does, that proves he's packing my lucky foot, in which event...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': ''The clamps!'' Or a clamp-like device.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Penn & Teller are hosting the 3009 Universal Poker Tournament at the Wong Hotel.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Penn Jillette]]''': Welcome viewers who fell asleep with the TV on! It's the 3009 no-limit hold 'em championship. ''[The crowd cheers.]'' I'm the massive head of Penn Jillette, and here with a color commentary, my partner Teller. ''[Teller's head is floating in his own jar. As always, he is deceased.]'' Our act really didn't change much when he died.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Pardon me, I'm new to this game. Is this duffle bag big enough for all your money? ''[He laughs and sits down at the table.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He walks up to the table.]'' Bender? Oh, boogers. We're in the same tournament. Quick, get your entry fee back before I bankrupt you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''Pfft!'' In your dreams, nutloaf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Bite my shiny metal hat.</poem><br />
:''[Graphic: "HAND 1." Leo Wong is the dealer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette (Whispering)''': Tex Connecticut, the pride of Kansas City, first to act. ''[He has a Queen and a Nine and calls the blinds.]'' Smiley Spiff, up next. ''[He has a Jack and a Ten and also calls.]'' Looks like Boobs Vanderbilt has a decent pair. Also, she's got two eights. ''[She calls.]'' And Bender Rodriguez picks up a lucky deal right off the bat. ''[He calls as well.]''</poem><br />
:''[Fry looks at his cards. Two Kings. He lifts his hat up a bit and reads Bender's mind.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender (Telepathically)''': Woo! Two aces. I'm thinking guitar solo. ''[He mimics a guitar solo.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''He puts his hat back down.]'' I fold.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': Holy crap! A stunning play by mentally ill newcomer Philip Fry. It's almost as if he knew Bender had two aces.</poem><br />
:''[Pull out of Penn's shot to reveal that he is sitting 20 or so feet from the game table.]''<br />
<poem>'''Boobs Vanderbilt'': Bender has two aces? I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tex Connecticut''': I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Lrrr]]''': I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He laughs and pulls in the chips.]'' Suck my luck!</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad, Donbot and Clamps are sitting in the audience.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': See this gun? ''[He holds up a gun, but then he crumples it in his hand.]'' That's what I'm gonna do to Bender if he wins.</poem><br />
:''[Graphic: "Hand 6." Fry wins. Graphic: "Hand 13." Bender wins the pot, a gold watch and a human baby. Graphic: "Hand 79."]''<br />
<poem>'''Lrrr''': All in. Call my mighty bid at your peril. ''[He growls at the table. Fry lifts his hat.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': My cards are awful, and I need a hug.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I call your bluff.</poem><br />
:''[Fry wins the hand. Lrrr growls at Fry.]''<br />
<poem>'''Lrrr''': I shall annihilate... ''Fry hugs him.]'' '''(Sobbing:)''' I just wanted to make my daddy proud.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Lrrr's Father''': Well, you didn't. I want you and your junk moved out by Monday.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': It's getting pretty intense, folks. Based on the state of decomposition of Teller's head, we're now in hour 19 of the tournament. And the first bad deal of the night for Bender.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hey, pal, help me out here. ''[He holds up his cards - a Seven and a Two.]'' This is the worst possible hand, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tex Connecticut: I'm all in.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All in! I mean, fold. Whatever.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': ''[Leo deals the flop.]'' Well, Bender's luck just ran out. No card can save him from elimination.</poem><br />
:''[Cut back to the table. A giant prop card falls on Tex Connecticut's neck and incapacitates him.]''<br />
<poem>'''Boobs Vanderbilt''': Oh, my gourds! He's dead. ''[A card falls on her as well.]''</poem><br />
:''[The killer cards total 21.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': 21, winner! ''[He pushes the chips to Bender.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Wooo! I'm so full of luck, it's shooting out like luck diarrhoea.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': Wake up, poker fans! We're down to our final two players in heads-up action for the Championship. Your perspective, Teller? ''[A rat eats Teller's left eye.]''</poem><br />
:''[Leo deals cards to Bender and Fry. Fry looks at his cards then raises his hat and looks at Bender, who has yet to look at his cards. Bender refuses to look at his cards. Cut to Donbot who is watching from the crowd and tries to crack his knuckles. He breaks off all of his fingers in the process.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All in.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But-but, you didn't even look at your cards!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Looking at one's cards is a crutch for players who rely on skill.</poem><br />
:''[Fry lifts his hat again. Bender is scatting like a guitar. Fry lowers his hat and gulps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Any day now, Fry. You in or out?</poem><br />
:''[Fry stammers as he looks for an answer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': What's the matter, Fry, you scared? Or just ''[He spins his head around and wiggles in fingers]'' crazy? ''[He laughs.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': All right, all in. ''[Leo deals the cards.]'' Yes! Four aces!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[Fry moves in to take the pot.]'' Ah-ah-ah. Read 'em and weep, and then tell me what they are.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Two kings. And with three on the board, that gives Bender five kings.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But how is that...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': I don't believe it. Bender has just been dealt the King of Beers, a coaster from the bar that somehow got mixed into the deck. But it still counts!</poem><br />
:''[The crowd cheers and music begins playing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Bender win the Championship!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He eats the money.]'' That's some good money. ''[He then belches fire.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': ''[She comes running over with a suitcase.]'' You did it, Bender. You're the greatest.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Tell me something I don't know, sweetass. Now, let's boogie. We'll be in Space Tahiti before the Donbot knows what hit him.</poem><br />
:''[As Bender is walking away from the table, he throws the Donbot's lucky robot's foot behind him and it strikes the Donbot in the face.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Now I am suspicious.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A desert on Mars at night. Bender and Fanny are digging holes. They are illuminated by the Donbot's car headlights.<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Okay, we finished digging this shallow grave. Can we go now?</poem><br />
:''[The mafia trio then shoot Fanny and Bender for a while with machine guns. Part way through the shooting, Donbot stops to check the time and then resumes his firing. Cut to them driving away from the filled in graves.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Planet Express ship lands in the desert.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Sobbing)''': Poor Bender left me one last voicemail before the Robot Mafia buried him in the desert.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (On cell phone)''': Fry, old friend, before I die, I just wanted to say... ''[Beep.]'' Hang on, I'm getting another call. Hello? ''[The gun fire commences and Bender screams.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Line up, people! Everyone take a shovel and one sixth of the planet. We'll meet back here in 50 years, our bodies broken and our lives wasted.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': And you say these are free shovels?</poem><br />
:''[There is a rumbling and a hole begins to form in the sand near them. As the dust settles Bender walks out of the hole with Fanny.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm back, baby.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Bender! I thought the Robot Mafia killed you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Nah, they just shot us and buried us a few times as a warning.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Bender was so brave. He never stopped making out with me the whole time they were shooting us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I sure didn't.</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad pulls up with his car in the background.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': I gotta get back to my husband, baby. Will I see you tonight?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Probably not.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Mr. Wong is playing mini golf at his country club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': It's a 14-footer with a clown hazard. What club you recommend, Baggy?</poem><br />
'''[[Baggy]]''': As on every hole, I suggest the putter.<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Your golf club sure is classy, Mr. Wong. Naked statue classy.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong putts and ends up far from the hole and curses in Mandarin.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It is very nice. I just wish Amy and I didn't have to wear these sexist badges on our melons. ''[They stand up and show their badges that say "WOMAN."]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': We're lucky even to play as guests, Leela. Dad's club has a very strict "No girls allowed" policy.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong putts again and misses, then curses wildly again.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That doesn't seem fair.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': It really is. Everybody knows women don't have the focus to play miniature golf at a professional level.</poem><br />
:''[Amy makes her putt right through the clown's legs and lands it right next to the hole.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But that's the best shot of the day!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Is that my ball? I think that my ball.</poem><br />
:''[He claims Amy's ball as his own, but still misses his small putt and curses in Mandarin again.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Pfft, great putt, Dad.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Okay, we're done.</poem><br />
:''[The sprinklers turn on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Mr. Wong, how do you keep this place so green in the middle of the desert? Doesn't that waste a lot of water?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Nah, we got plenty water, pumped directly from flamingo lake. ''[The flamingos sitting in the lake are sucked into the drain with all of the water.]'' They'll be fine. ''[Pink feathers are expelled from the sprinklers.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The four are travelling in a golf cart.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Oh, yeah, I love miniature golf. Love everything about it, except how damn miniature it is. That's why I'm building the universe's biggest miniature golf course.</poem><br />
:''[A crane picks up a ball the size of the golf car and drops it into a large cannon.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': This the first tee.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Where's the hole?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': On Pluto's moon, Hydra. It's a six-billion-mile par-two. Tough shot, even for a man. ''[Leela groans. Mr. Wong adjusts the cannon with a dial near the tee. He strikes the button that fires the ball and everybody rushes over to a row of binoculars.]'' '''(Leo VO)''': Around the sun. Bank off Jupiter. And right into the... ''[The ball lands short of the hole and Mr. Wong curses in Mandarin.]'' I'll be right back. ''[He gets in a golf cart that has a dome over it and flies to Hydra. Fry, Leela and Amy watch from the binoculars. Mr. Wong smacks the giant ball his his putter, but it stops on the edge of the hole. He growls and curses in Mandarin. He bounces over to the ball and smacks his with his putter again, then kicks it.]'' It dropped in! Put me down for a two.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Two. ''[She writes down 8.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Keep in mind, that just the first hole. For full course, we gonna bulldoze this entire arm of the Milky Way.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What? You're gonna wipe out 10% of the galaxy for a stupid golf course?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': First of all, it 12% . Second, yes, you betcha.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But you have no idea what life forms might be evolving out there.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': That's exactly why I'm hiring an impartial scientist to perform an environmental survey. That's him in the money shower.</poem><br />
:''[Farnsworth is in the money shower, giggling.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Planet Express Ship is flying through a field of asteroids. A light from the turret on the ship scans the space boulders for life.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (VO)''': Delivery boy's log. Having fallen asleep on what I thought was the toilet, I awoke to find the environmental survey in progress.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Status reports, Science Officer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Zilcho. No sign of life or intelligence. ''[He laughs.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': Just like Fry on a date.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He laughs.]'' Hey!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, so we haven't found any life yet. I still don't see why you men can't be happy with regular-sized miniature golf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Leela, evolution has programmed our fabulous male brains to take anything anybody else thinks is important and make it bigger. ''[He takes a slurp of a "128oz. Big Burp."] ''Have you seen my new 301-inch TV?</poem><br />
:''[He presses a button on a remote and a large TV descends at the front of the ship.]''<br />
<poem>'''Announcer''': Hypnotoad is brought to you by the MagnaPhallix 302-inch TV. It's bigger!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, hell! ''[He throws his beverage at the TV and it falls apart.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[An alarm sounds.]'' Captain, I'm detecting life on the spock-o-scope!</poem><br />
:''[Leela gasps. The ship hovers over the planet. Cut to a fish-like creature waddles onto land. It uses its fins as feet and walks around. Pan up to flowers blooming and flying insects pollinating them.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's amazing. It's like a textbook on evolution.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Except in Kansas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': But isn't Mr. Wong building the 18th hole here? And the golf pants museum?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Indeed so. This whole area will be incinerated when he implodes that sun there into a black hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That beautiful violet star?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': It's so you can't keep your ball at the end of the game.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yo, that's messed up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Well, there won't be any imploding once they read our environmental review. Right, Professor?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ohh, twaddle-squat. There's no scientific consensus that life is important.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yeah. Life, schmife.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clip Board''': ''[Farnsworth checks an option.]'' Approved for demolition.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's you and me, ponytail. ''[He cracks her pony tail like a whip.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Nixon's head pulls up in a limo.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Guard''': We're here, Mr. President.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Richard Nixon's head]]''': Arroo! Let's play some mini-golf.</poem><br />
:''[The headless body of Agnew, Nixon and Mr. Wong are playing mini-golf. Agnew is putting.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Now, just give it a light tap, Agnew. ''[Agnew pulls his club up high.]'' No, no, no, just a light...</poem><br />
:''[Agnew grunts and sends the ball hurtling away from the tee. Cut to Zoidberg on a diving board high above a pool.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Now for a triple clam dip, with a double - ''[The ball smashes into his head and knocks him on his back.]'' OW! ''[He falls off the diving board and lands on the concrete surrounding the pool.]'' OW!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Tough luck, Agnew. Looks like you and Wong owe me a Charleston Chew. ''[He laughs.]''</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas blast through a hedge and <br />
<poem>'''Feministas''': Shut up and hear our wisdom. Shut up and hear our wisdom. Save the ecosystem. Save the ecosystem. Shut up and hear our wisdom! Save the ecosystem!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': What gives, Wong? You said no chicks allowed.</poem><br />
:''[Agnew growls.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': We are the Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, and we will not let you...What was it again?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': We will not let you implode the violet dwarf star at galactic coordinates 167.84, -58.03, mark 948.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Already approved, you cackling hens. So get out, or I'll have vice-president Agnew's headless body throw you out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I'd like to see him try.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Me, too. Should look funny. Sic 'em, Agnew.</poem><br />
:''[Agnew breaks his club in half and wanders toward the women. Leela bumps into a parked golf cart and causes it to roll down a hill, toward Agnew.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Runaway golf cart!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Look out, Agnew!</poem><br />
:''[Agnew tries to dodge the cart, but it follows his movements and runs him over.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Whoa!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Aah!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Is... is he okay?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': No pulse.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': They killed the headless remains of Agnew. Arrest them!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': All Feministas she-vacuate the premises. I mean "femises."</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas run away and the presidential guards chase after them. One drives the limo over Agnew's body.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Lounge. Nixon is on TV.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': My fellow Earthicans, these eco-crooks will face the maximum sentence. For killing a headless torso, that's six weeks.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Well, this is embarrassing. Here I've been blabbing on for years about killing all humans, and who actually does something about it? Some chick.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Leela's not a killer, and she's not some chick. She's the chick I love. And don't tell her I called her a chick, or she'll kill me.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A hover-copter flows over the city with search lights. The Feministas are hiding in a building with the sign "Eco-Feminist Reading Room" in the window. When the spotlight passes over it, a Feminista switches it to "Something even less popular."]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Frida (through her megaphone)''': Everyone stay absolutely quiet!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feminista''': That thing's on. Shh!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feminista''': Turn it off!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida (through megaphone)''': Oh, sorry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': How do you turn it off?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida (through megaphone)''': There. Did that do it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''OTHERS''': No. Stop it. Shut up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Here's the button here. ''[An alarm starts wailing from the megaphone.]'' '''(Through megaphone)''': And I think I... Now I got it.</poem><br />
:''[The megaphone squeals with feedback.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Let me give you a hand.</poem><br />
:''[She pushes a button and it turns off. Frida "shushes" her.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': This is awful. I never meant for our protest to have any effect. Now what do we do?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Trixie]]''': Maybe we should just surrender and serve our six weeks in jail.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Dixie]]''': Hey, yeah! We could do each other's toenails and make shivs.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That's crazy. We've done nothing wrong, other than killing and dismembering the vice-president. We need to make a choice, sisters. We can either keep pestering criminals like Leo Wong with silly slogans...</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Yeah. Let's do that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Actually, I meant that to be the less preferable alternative. We can either chant slogans or we can take action.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': What was the first choice again?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I choose to save the environment by sabotaging Leo Wong's golf course. Who's with me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Could we still use our bullhorns?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Absolutely. Bullhorns are a core principle of eco-feminism.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Then I'm in.</poem><br />
:''[They all cheer, then Frida shushes them through her megaphone.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Feminista's vehicle (A VW Camper) is travelling through space.]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Who's ready to kick some sweaty man-butt?</poem><br />
:''[They cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': I've got my pointy man-kicking shoes on.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Trixie''': Those are cute.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': Aren't they? I got them at Nine West.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Simmer down, warriors. Full power to the vagyroscope!</poem><br />
:''[Cut to a street sweeper-like vehicle cleaning up the rings around a planet.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Those dirty rings. I tried soaking them out, even blasting them out.</poem><br />
:''[The Camper stops near the cleaning vehicle. Leela and Frida emerge and pour sugar in the fuel filler.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Are you sure about this? It would be better for propaganda if we weren't using refined sugar.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's okay. The potato we're shoving in the tailpipe is organic.</poem><br />
:''[She clogs the tail pipe and fly away. The cleaner breaks down.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': I smell sabotage. ''[He sniffs.]'' Ooh, and potatoes.</poem><br />
:''[The girls cheer as they fly away from the planet.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Now, unfortunately, the media is going to put a negative spin on this, like when we killed that guy, so to win public support, we'll need a lovable mascot.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Zoidberg is in a room alone with the muck leech. It is in a glass terrarium in the lounge at Planet Express.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': :''[He picks it up and laughs.]'' Squirm all you want, you nasty dumpling. One less species for the universe, one more breakfast for...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Zoidberg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Leela. Me saving things the leech. Not the eating of it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Zoidberg, I'm very surprised at you, slightly.</poem><br />
:''[Leela lets the leech clamp onto her arm and Zoidberg stares, then slurps at it. Cut to Leela leaving Planet Express.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Psst! Leela.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Shh! I'm a fugitive.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I know. I miss you so much, Leela, even more than when you were here.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I miss you, too, Fry. And you probably think what I'm doing is wrong. But it's something I really care about...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You don't have to explain, Leela. You're you. That's all I need to know.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Goodbye, sweet goofbag.</poem><br />
:''[She walks over to the Camper, knocks twice and gets pulled in. They fly away. Zoom out of just Fry standing on the sidewalk to show Zoidberg and Bender are there as well.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Bender''': :''[He sighs.]'' I'll miss her, too, buddy. Dibs on her iPod.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Dibs on her- ohh...</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is walking through the streets of New New York. He comes upon Hutch drinking a bottle of wine in an alley.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Hey, Fry! Long time, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, Hutch! What have you been up to?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Same old, same old. Searching the dumpsters, protecting my thoughts with tin foil, peeing myself.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So, what brings you to Earth?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': It's top secret. Hey, take off your helmet and I'll think it to you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Okay. Here goes.</poem><br />
:''[Fry removes his hat and is bottled by Hutch. Hutch walks over to a dumpster, knocks twice and it mechanically opens. There is a bright light emitted from it. He throws Fry's limp body in and follows. The lid closes as he gets in. Cut to Fry waking up on a mattress.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Where are you? And me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': The Great Hall of the Ancient Legion of Madfellows. Welcome, bro.</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Welcome, bro.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Sorry I bashed your head in, buddy, but I had to. You see, the fate of the universe depends on you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yeah, I get that a lot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': The Grand Curator will tell you more.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Take me to him.</poem><br />
:''[He is the man behind Hutch.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Hey, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': So dig this, Fry. Our commune has been monitoring the universe's life energy for, like, a really long time, and we're grokking some super weird junk.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Um, I don't mean to be rude, but it's kind of hard to take you seriously when you say junk like "grok" and "junk."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''' : What about "commune"?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Especially "commune." Come on, it's the fate of the universe, puff it up a little. Like you could say your ancient order is sensing deep upheaval in the cosmic life energy field.</poem><br />
:''[Everybody murmurs.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Okay. I'll try. So, like, a really, really long time ago... ''[Fry motions "longer" with his hands.]'' Eons ago! ''[Fry gives a thumbs up and he giggles.]'' Cool. Eons ago, the life force we call Chee permeated the universe. ''[He presses a button and a hologram is shown in the room.]'' The Green Chee generated a great upwelling of life across the cosmos. But then, for reasons unknown...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Ooh. "Reasons unknown." Now that's the sort of hook that grabs the attention of me, the viewer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': For reasons unknown...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Nice.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': ...the Chee began to recede, and the diversity of life began to wither. The life forms we know today are but a fraction of a fraction of the magnificence that once existed.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': But a bunch of dudes, right, they totally passed this far-out knowledge down through the ages.</poem><br />
:''[The holograms shows previous Madfellows proclaiming the word with their tin foil hats on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine (VO)''': Some with this knowledge were called prophets, some, fruitcakes. We, the Legion of Madfellows, are their heirs.</poem><br />
:''[The current Legion of Madfellows is shown in the hologram.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, I'm on TV. ''[He waves.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Well, that's the show. ''[He turns off the hologram.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Neat. What's it got to do with me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Ahh, pooperdoodle! I mean, pardon the omission. You see, after untold eternities, we have sensed a resurgence in the Chee.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, that's the violet dwarf star that Leela wants to save.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Freaking nailed it, corndog.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': We believe this star heralds a new green age, and it's your destiny to be its shepherd and protector.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Me? Why?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': 'Cause you got, like, no delta brainwave, man. The Dark Ones can't groove off your thoughts.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Silence, Hutch! You shall learn more in time, Fry. But for now, let's just say we have enemies, enemies who can read minds, except yours. ''[He points with his foot.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Cool. I can't wait to tell Leela.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': No! If you tell anyone, then their thoughts could be read, and our enemies would know of our existence. For the sake of those you love, you must keep this secret. Do you foot-swear?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, okay. I foot-swear.</poem><br />
:''[They perform a "foot shake" agreeing to the terms.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Good. Now, to save the coming of the green age, you must stop this man.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong is shown on the hologram.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I know him. Leo Wong. I work with his daughter.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Oh, good, that will cut about 15 minutes of explanation. You must gain Wong's confidence, infiltrate his organization and prevent him from destroying the violet dwarf.</poem><br />
:''[Fry salutes Nine with his foot. The act is reciprocated.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is in Mr. Wong's office at the Wongminister Miniature Golf Club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Looking for a job, eh?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yes, sir. Nothing fancy. I'm willing to start at the bottom and infiltrate my way up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Sorry, no openings right now. '''(Telepathically)'': What I need is security guard to keep nutcases out of my office.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I'm good at keeping nutcases.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': I said no way. ''(Telepathically)'': Security guard gotta be tough. This idiot don't look like he could handle those feministas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I look like an idiot who can handle those feministas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr Wong (Telepathically)''': He'll have to do better than that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I'll have to do better than that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Hmm. You and I think a lot alike. You really think you can stand up to those eco-freakos?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sir, with me around, they'll be the least of your worries.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The 18th hole of Mr. Wong's course. It's a mess of tubes leading to the green from a giant plastic gorilla head.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Tester''': Stand by, men. And manly aliens. Prepare to test fire King Kong hole.</poem><br />
:''[The manly alien launches the ball at the gorilla. It goes into his mouth and comes out on the green, rolling into the hole for an ace.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': It workses.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tester''': Good job, men. And manly aliens. Construction of King Kong hole complete.</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas' camper is approaching in the background.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Typical. Always King Kong, never Queen... Quong.</poem><br />
:''[A few Feministas leap from the Camper onto the green and plant hooks in the turf and the bumper of their vehicle.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': What are those, hooks? Get out of heres, you hookers. This is my turfs.</poem><br />
:''[The Camper blats off from the green, pulling the turf with it and sending the asteroid, which the green was placed on, spinning out of control and smashing into the tubes.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': ''[He's flying through space.]'' Helpses!</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas cheer as they spray the gorilla head with make-up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You go, gorilla !</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A news broadcast. The vandalized gorilla is used as an image on the story.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Morbo]]''': Our top story. The string of eco-vandalism that began with a harmless vice-presidential killing has spread across the galaxy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Linda]]''': Why do you always get to read the top story, Morbo?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': Because viewers trust a deep male voice and huge, throbbing forehead veins. ''[They pulse in unison a few times.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Not all reaction to the crime spree has been negative. We spoke with several people who viewed these courageous eco-feminists as heroes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Petunia]]''': I just wish there was some way to... Excuse me. ''[She coughs roughly.]'' Some way to show I support 'em. Send them some smokes or something.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': So you make more than twice what I do. What? This just in: Root 2 News has received a video communique from the eco-feminists' unknown hideout.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': This is sub-commander L., den mother of the Feminista Revolutionary Collective, with a message for Leo Wong. Leo, you're a parasite on the universe, and parasites must be destroyed. That's why we've adopted this parasite as our mascot. ''[The leech snarls against the glass of its case.]'' I know it's a little confusing. The point is, even this vicious leech has a right to exist, because it's a part of nature. And that's why a vicious leech like Leo Wong must be exterminated. ''[The Feministas in the background cheer.]'' Again, confusing. We call on women everywhere to join our struggle against eco-chauvinist Leo Wong. We especially need good communique writers. Feministas unite! ''[They pound their breasts twice and throw their fists into the air while reciting that last bit.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': In other news- ''[Linda throws her high heel at his head and it becomes lodged in his ear.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Feministas unite!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Mr. Wong is in his office with Nixon.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Linda (on the TV)''': Feministas unite! ''[The image is paused.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Incredible. Absolutely incredible. You're telling me this TiVo machine can pause and rewind live TV?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': These crazy broads gonna ruin me, Nixon. You gotta help me. Send the army or something. Something big that shoots.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Sir, I don't care if you are my biggest contributor. Our armed forces do not serve your private business interests.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Sorry, I...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': ''[He laughs hysterically.]'' I'm just yanking your chain, Leo. I'm on it like boring on Gerry Ford.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The White House Oval Office. Nixon and Mr. Wong are present.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Zapp Brannigan]]''': Zapp Brannigan purporting for duty. For the love of God, Kif, less piccolo, more fife.</poem><br />
:''[Kiff is playing many instruments as a one-man band. He sighs at Zapp's demand.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Report, Brannigan.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Mr. President, I failed to identify these curvaceous banditas despite hours of staring|at their dossiers. ''[There is a picture of Leela from behind on the cover of the file folder.]'' Yet, I seemed to have stroked myself upon good luck, for a patriot of the highest order has volunteered to lead us to them.</poem><br />
:''[Kif performs a drum roll and Bender walks into the room. Bender says "Hey oh" like Ed McMahon.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': These eco-feminists are ruthless criminals who'll stop at nothing to save the environment. I don't see how a bending unit can catch them.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Not just any bending unit, Presidente. I happen to be brilliant, fearless and short on cash. ''[He coughs and motions for money with his fingers.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Slush him, Kroker.</poem><br />
:''[Kiff opens a wall safe and pulls out a briefcase, which he pulls money out of and counts money as he gives it to Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Bender here has identified the femdito commander as my ex-lover, Turanga Leela, whom I once made love at.</poem><br />
:''[By the end of this line, Bender has taken all of the money from the briefcase and has started emptying the wall safe.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': And he's willing to fink her out for a few simoleons?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': It's not about the money, Nixon, though I'd like much more. It's 'cause Leela's a threat. A threat to my reputation. She's committed 30 felonies in 12 star systems. If no one stops her, she'll break my record for longest rap sheet.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': That's a despicable motive, Bender, and I respect it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Gracias. Now, I could find Leela, but you'll need to authorize a wiretap.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': As many as you like.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I only need one.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Let's call it six.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Question. If you don't know where Leela is, how can you wiretap her?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm not wiretapping her, Greensleeves. You see, like all women, Leela has one weakness.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Bender is descending upon Fry by parachute. Fry is working as a security guard.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hello, weakness!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, Bender, check it out. I'm Leo Wong's new security guard. I got an ID badge and a flashlight, and I ordered this mustache.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Neat. Say, speaking of whatever the hell you just said, I need to make a cell phone telephone call. Can borrow your cell phone telephone?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Okay, but don't restart my Tetris. I was finally about to get one of those pieces that looks like a backwards "L."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Okay, superstud.</poem><br />
:''[Bender walks off screen as Mr. Wong and Amy approach Fry.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Looking good, security. No feministas getting past you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': No, sir. Not on my mustache's watch.</poem><br />
:''[Bender is in the background struggling with Fry's phone.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Fry, I can't believe you're working with my dad against Leela. How can you claim to be her friend and still want her in jail?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He clears his throat.]'' It's a tightrope walk, I won't deny it. It takes the kind of multi-sided thinking your dad's so brilliant at.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': You mean being two-faced?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Don't mind cranky-pants here. She been cranky ever since she was a fat little girl.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Dad!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Can I be brutally honest, Fry? I always wanted a son.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That hurt, but I can take it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': ''[She says something in Mandarin.]'' I knew you wanted a son! Why do you think I became a miniature golf champion? Why do you think I wear these stupid boys' sweat suits?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': To hide your big, fat butt, that's why. ''[He giggles.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Now, sir, in fairness, Amy's butt is actually pretty hot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': What is it with you men? Why does everything revolve around my butt?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': 'Cause it's so big and massive. He and Fry share a laugh.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sorry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': That's it! Why don't you just adopt Fry and make him the son you never had? That'll replace the daughter you don't have anymore!</poem><br />
:''[She grunts as she shoves her way past Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Whoa! What's with Big Butt?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': She just hungry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Here you go, Fry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Thanks.</poem><br />
:''[Bender gives Fry his phone back. There is a large antenna device sticking out of the top of it.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh! FYI, I dropped that Tetris piece in the wrong place and ended the game.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He looks at the screen on the phone. It reads "GAME OVER."]'' No!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is locking up Wongminister Miniature Golf Club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Great! Now Amy's gonna tell Leela I'm a jerk. If only I could explain I'm on a secret mission against evil. Wait. Evil? Yeah, yeah, evil. ''[There is a tapping in the darkness. Fry shines his flashlight around.]'' What's going on in there? A scary noise? ''[He spots Frida hammering a protest sign into the grass.]'' Hey, you're one of Leela's feministas. "Save the environment! Wo-mandate Leo's retirement!" That's terrible writing! Stop making your point so ineffectively! ''[He tries to pull the hammer from Frida's grip.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Take your mands off of me!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He shushes her.]'' I'm on your side.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': ''[She shushes back.]'' Don't shush me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Please, can you take a message to Leela?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': ''[She quickly shushes him.]'' What is it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Just say her sweet goofbag is working to save the violet dwarf star, just like she is.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Very well, I'll fem-municate your man-formation.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He rolls his eyes.]'' Just tell her.</poem><br />
:''[She shushes him again.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express. There is a banner on the balcony which reads "Going out of business forever! Again!"]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Well, this is it, old friends. Planet Express is done for, what with our delivery crew missing and the abysmal sales of Tickle Me Bender.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender Doll''': ''[He doll giggles.]'' Quit touching my junk, pervert!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Hold out your hands and I'll remove your career chips.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': I hate to see it come to an end. ''[His chip is removed and he screams in agony.]'' When will it end?</poem><br />
:''[Farnsworth moves on to Hermes when the phone starts to ring.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Shouldn't you get that, Professor?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': I suppose. ''[He walks off screen, but then rushes back to remove the career chip from Hermes' hand.]'' Hello?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Professor, old buddy, I'm gonna blow up the violet dwarf star. So I need you deliver billion-mile security fence to keep out protesters. Dirty business. Lot of money. You corrupt enough?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Damn skippy! ''[Money is dispensed from the telephone console.]'' Good news, crybabies! We're back in business.</poem><br />
:''[They both cheer and Farnsworth quickly implants their chips back. They both wail in pain. Cut to an exterior shot of Planet Express. The hangar doors open, but the ship blasts through the front entrance instead. A shot of the Violet Dwarf Star System shows the Planet Express ship approaching while making abrupt jolts left and right with Farnsworth at the helm.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Sweet kookaburra of Edinburgh, Professor. You sure you know how to fly this thing?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': I invented it, didn't I? You wouldn't ask Thomas Edison whether he knew how to use a sexmatron.</poem><br />
:''[They all gasps as they see the Feministas' van approaching head on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': The feministas, probably.</poem><br />
:''[As they meet, the Planet Express ship skids to a stop. The van circles around and around the ship while spray painting it pink.<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Halt! What are you doing in this parallelogram of space?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': We're delivering a fence to keep you ladies in your place. ''[He chuckles.]''</poem><br />
:''[A hole is cut through the roof of the ship and the Feministas drop through.<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Amy?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Labarbara?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Labarbara]]''': That's right, husband. From now on, you make your own Manwiches.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Under the articles of the confemiracy, we hereby wo-mandeer this ship.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Oh, no, you don't. It's three against three.</poem><br />
:''[Many other Feministas drop through a second hole and land on the the manly trio.<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Wong Ranch.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mrs. Wong''': That was the greatest play I ever saw. It must have had 20 acts.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong exits the carriage, cracks his back and gasps at what he sees in the sky. It's the Feministas approaching in their pink Planet Express ship with the fence. They drop the fence on them, trapping them in a semi-sphere.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela (over Megaphone)''': We installed your fence, Leo Wong.</poem><br />
:''[Inside the ship the Feministas cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Should we shout a clever slogan?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You mean something like, "The best defense is a good fence?"</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Yeah, something like that, only funny.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I wish we could, but our chief slogan writer is back at the Honeybun Hideout.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the hideout where Frida is working on protest signs.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Does "violet dwarf" rhyme with "men are dorks"? It does through a megaphone. '''(Telepathically):''' That reminds me, I've got to tell Leela about that weirdo who wants to save the violet dwarf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': So, the Legion of Madfellows has a new pawn, eh?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Is somebody here? If you're the DSL guy, you're two days late.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': Who gave you that message for Leela?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': I don't know his name.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': Then you are of no use to the Dark Ones!</poem><br />
:''[She is choked by seemingly nothing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Long lost brother, avenge my death.</poem><br />
:''[She chokes more and falls to the floor.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mysterious Voice''': Where are your crappy rhymes now, Frida Waterfall?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': I'm dead. I'm dead. '''(Through megaphone):''' Eat only natural whole-grain brea- ''[She is choked more.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
''['''Scene''': Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Fry is locking up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Six, seven, eight. Lock the gate. One, two, three. Turn the key. 30, 50, 10. ''[He sees Hutch.]'' My dirty, shifty friend?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Hey, Fry, long time.</poem><br />
:''[They stare at each other for a moment, then Fry is bottled by Hutch, who then opens the bottle and takes a drink. Cut to Fry waking up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Welcome back to the Legion of Madfellows, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Why'd you bonk me, you idiot? You could have just asked me to come with you. And where are we? This doesn't look like your regular dumpster.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': All in good time! I guess now is a good time. We are on Mars, in a forgotten cavern abandoned by the native Martians a million years ago.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Actually, it was five years ago. I remember 'cause they washed my socks.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': You have done well, Fry. You have ingratiated yourself with Leo Wong.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yup, I kissed his ass from cheek to shining cheek. So, what do I do next?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': As Wong security chief, you will be on hand when he attempts to destroy the violet dwarf. You must not let that happen.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He is taking notes.]'' "Must let happen."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Not happen!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': "Must let occur."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Let me tell you a story. A story of two alien species so ancient that compared to them the human race is a mere college senior! On a distant planetoid they evolved to cooperate in their quest to survive.</poem><br />
:''[A hologram shows a snake and a frog like creature. The frog pushes the snake up to knock a bug free from a leaf. They both eat half of the bug.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Cooperation, because life is a team sport.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine: But, over time, one species evolved a better strategy, and an evolutionary arms race began.</poem><br />
:''[The hologram shows the frog pushing the snake up again, but letting it drop into his mouth instead. The next hologram shows the snake countering this by inflating himself so it won't hit in the frog's mouth and crushes it. The next shows the frog countering this by using a sharp tail to pop the inflated snake. The next shows the snake countering this by growing a natural armour to defend itself from the piercing tail and then inversing its body to ingest the frog.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': That concludes the audio-visual portion of our head-clonk and lecture.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Wait, what happened to the snakes and the frogs? I need to know!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': ''[He sighs and turns the hologram back on. He uses the light to cast shadows on the wall his his hands.]'' The frogs, or possibly the snakes, evolved into vicious killing machines, honed by the merciless forces of natural selection and intelligent design. We call these the Dark Ones!</poem><br />
:''[Pan over to Fry's shadow who shudders and picks his nose.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nine''': These evil creatures preyed on all life, driving species after species to extinction. Meanwhile, however, the second species evolved to fend off the Dark Ones, befriending and protecting all other living things.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Even Celine Dion?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Probably. We call these noble beings the Encyclopods, because their DNA incorporates the DNA of every endangered species they encountered, so they can recreate them if they go extinct.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Just as a pillow, a wig and a corncob pipe can be used to recreate my old girlfriend!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Bingo.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': At the Feministas' hideout.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Transition Announcer 2''': Meanwhile, at the Honeybun Hideout.</poem><br />
:''[Hermes, Zoidberg and Farnsworth and locked up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': There! Now you know how it feels to be locked up in a go-go cage.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': What the hell are you talking about?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': Shut your man-hole.</poem><br />
:''[She presses a button. Music starts playing and coloured lights spin around the room. The three men eerily groan as they force themselves to dance.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': I feel dirty.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the other room of the cave.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Are you sure Fry is working for your father? It just doesn't seem like him to be so evil, or to hold down a job.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': It's true, Leela. Cross My Heart bra and swear to Goddess.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But the Fry I know wouldn't do that. I'm gonna call his cell phone telephone and prove you wrong. ''[She walks over to a phone booth and tries to open the door. The camera pans down and reveals Frida's body is blocking the door.]'' Oh, no! Frida's been murdered!</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas all gasp.]''<br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': Sweet she-cattle of Seattle.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes (from off screen)''': Not your strong suit, woman.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Who could have done this?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Your dad? Nixon?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Fry?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, never. I don't think. Anyhow, there's a crazed murderer on the loose, possibly in the shadows or hanging from the ceiling. ''[They all scream.]'' So just stay calm while I call Fry.</poem><br />
:''[Leela forces the door open and stands on Frida's body while making the call. Cut to Fry talking with Nine.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So where are the Encyclopods and the Dark Ones now?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Wh-... ''[Hutch is cooking a can of food with the light of the hologram.]'' When the life-giving Chee receded, only the toughest organisms could adapt and survive, like the Dark Ones. ''[The Madfellows boo.]'' Many more died out, like the Encyclopods. But, and this is the great secret of our age, we believe they left an egg behind.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Is it edible?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': We're not gonna eat it! Not unless we find a second one. No, Fry, we intend to hatch it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': And that's where you come in.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': And here I am.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': At long last the tide of Chee has returned, and its nourishing flow has awakened the dormant egg.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That's good.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': It's better than good. It's better. With its massive stash of DNA, the Encyclopod can reconstruct every species that ever went extinct.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Imagine, all the animals that failed evolution's test, alive again! The dodo bird, the brittle-klutz, the striped biologist-taunter.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So, where is this egg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': In the violet dwarf star system.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': And what does it look like?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': A violet dwarf star!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You mean, the whole star is a single... Whoa! Sci-fi.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Alas! Even now, a Dark One is headed to the star to ensure its destruction.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Dang! So what does this Dark One look like?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': ''[He sighs.]'' We don't know. I admit it's a horrifically grave situation.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Don't sugarcoat it, Nine. The Dark Ones have been evolving so long, it could be anything or anyone. Or anybody.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You mean, like, people?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Any people. It will kill the egg, and every dude, woman and child who knows about it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nine''': Even our crazy caps will be useless at close range. That's why only you, with your defective unreadable brainwave, may be able to thwart them and usher in a new green age of wonder and...</poem><br />
:''[Fry's cell phone starts ringing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You're on Fry-time. Leela! Did you get my message?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What message?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Didn't you see Frida Waterfall?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She gasps.]''So you did kill Frida Waterfall?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': What? No. I told her to tell you that I'm... Oh, Jeep! The Dark Ones got her. It's all true. We need to talk, Leela. Then I can explain... ''[Nine motions "No!"]'' Well, I can't explain anything, but we should talk anyway. Where are you?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Oh, no. I'm not gonna expose the Honeybun Hideout. Where are you?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Near the Keeler Crater on Mars. Do you know it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I, I, uh... I think I read about it.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to Bender, Zapp and Kif listening in on the call.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She is heard through a speaker on the Nimbus.]'' I'll meet you at the south rim in one hour. No moustaches.</poem><br />
:''[Leela hangs up and Bender turns off the speaker and does an evil laugh.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Kif, set coordinates, 36-24-36. AKA, Leela.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Mars, the southern rim of the Keeler Crater.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Ten minutes late. Ain't that just like a womanista?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Psst. Are you alone?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Of course, don't you trust me?</poem><br />
:''[The Nimbus emerges on the horizon.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp (over PA)''': There's no escape, Leela. If you surrender, wave your shirt in the air.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Fry, you traitor!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy (over PA)''': Hop onto the magnet, Leela!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay. One, two... ''[Her boots are pulled to the magnet. She screams and Fry laughs, but he is grabbed by the ears and pulled along with her. The Planet Express ship takes off with the Nimbus chasing after it.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She throws him in the go-go cage.]'' I can't believe you ratted me out, Fry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I'm not a rat, I swear. If I'm any rodent, it's the loyal capybara, king of the rats! No, wait.</poem><br />
:''[The ship is hit by a shot from the Nimbus.]''<br />
<poem>'''Linda''': This just in, we are about to get our asses blown off. Labarbara?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Labarbara''': That's right, Linda. ''[She screams.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Stay strong, ladies. We can lose them in the giant miniature golf course.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But the course isn't finished. And there's no girls allowed.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Fore! ''[She pulls the steering wheel to the right with her club.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': So, they want to play mini golf, eh? Two can play at that game. Or even four, depending on the number of ball colors available.</poem><br />
:''[Bender and Kif sigh at the same time.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': I choose pink.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': That's their color, sir.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': The hell it is.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': They're gaining on us. We need a birdie on the windmill hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Wait. Wait. Drop the boot!</poem><br />
:''[They make it through and everybody cheers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Sir, at our present speed, the computer predicts a 100% chance we'll be sliced in half. We'll never make it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Not with that attitude, we won't. Same speed ahead!</poem><br />
:''[The Nimbus is sliced in half by a blade of the windmill. The trail of smoke is polluted by bodies of suffocating soldiers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': We made it through, Kif. How many men did we lose?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': All of them.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Well, at least they won't have to mourn each other. Seal the airlocks, and draw the shades. Resume shooting.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, no! The gorilla! That's a par-four!</poem><br />
:''[Everybody screams.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': The mouth's too dangerous. I'm going for the nose.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Don't be a sucker. You won't come out anywhere near the hole. You need to aim for the jaws just when they start to close.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Start to close? Are you out of your...</poem><br />
:''[Amy holds up her magazine cover of herself on Mini-Golf Digest. Leela aims for the mouth and makes it through.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': We made it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Captaining 101 . Go for the nose.</poem><br />
:''[The ship enters the right nostril and exits the left then rams into the banana. Everybody is thrown to the floor and a fire starts.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': My arms are broken, I'll never paint again. ''[He starts crying.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': You can't sue the military.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm okay then.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Damage report.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': We lost all remaining food and oxygen, Captain. As well as our XM Radio antenna.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Then this chase is over. Kif, set course for the nearest XM repair facility. Meanwhile, we shall sing top hits from the '80s.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Which '80s, sir?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': For me, there are only one '80s. ''[The ships slowly heads away from the chase.]'' '''(VO)''': Smell like I sound, ''[Kif groans.]'' I'm lost and I'm found. ''[Kif groans.]''And I'm hungry like the wolf.</poem><br />
:''[Cut back to the Planet Express ship traversing the mini-golf pipe. Everybody screams while in the yellow tube.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': The shot was too good! We're jamming straight for the hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': We're gonna crash, even.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Shmeesh, shmill out, shmeverybody. It's a wormhole hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Of course, a wormhole! We'll simply disappear and reappear in a... ''[They enter the wormhole.]'' ...nother part of the universe.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': We made it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Uh, whaa...</poem><br />
:''[The occupants of the ship cheer, but are silenced after they realize they are right back with the Nimbus.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Crud nuggets! We de-spaced right next to the Nimbus.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Just when you think the chase is over, it gets twice as exciting!</poem><br />
:''[The three comrades are sitting in the bridge, Bender still humming "Hungry Like a Wolf" by Duran Duran, when he spots the opposing ship.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hey, look at that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Well, well, well. My bloodhound-like instincts must have hunted them down while my other parts were throbbing to Duran Duran.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Shall I initiate a pointless and potentially fatal pursuit?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Make it so.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': It's gonna be fun on a bun, in space.</poem><br />
:''[The Nimbus starts up and takes off from the XM repair station, severely damaging it. The Planet Express ship flies by the Violet Dwarf Star System and observes the life on it.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Look! The asteroid. Now it's crawling with life. Like Zoidberg's sandals!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Wow! It's incredible.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But it'll be destroyed when Leo Wong blows up the violet dwarf. So why are you helping him?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I can't tell you, Leela. You just have to trust me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You keep saying that, but you have to give me something to go on or I...</poem><br />
:''[An alarm goes off.]''<br />
<poem>'''Planet Express Ship Alarm''': Out of whale oil. Out of whale oil.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She gasps.]'' The out-of-fuel indicator. It's indicating.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Say, what's that violet-colored dwarf-like star thing we're drifting into?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': The violet dwarf star!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Of course. The gorilla was the 18th hole, so we're headed into the ball return.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Aye, what else now can go wrong?</poem><br />
:''[The ship shakes and there is a loud crash.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp on the monitor)''': Ladies, you're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded again and again.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Petunia''': He'll never take me alive. ''[She starts hacking up smoke.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Don't give up yet. I've got one more trick up my sleeve.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': That's exactly the number we need.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to Kif and Zapp. They leap from the Nimbus and float down to the Planet Express ship. They settle at the window of the ship.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Ah, the fairer sex.</poem><br />
:''[Fry, Zoidberg, Hermes and Farnsworth are dancing in the go-go cage.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Something's very wrong here, and yet a little bit right.</poem><br />
:''[Guns are cocked.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela (off-screen)''': Not so fast, Brannigan. ''[All nine of them have guns.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (off-screen)''': Even less fast, feministas! ''[He has a gun that controls nine other guns.]''</poem><br />
:''[They all gasps.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Bender?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All two tons of me.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Earth Supreme Court]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bailiff''': Oye, oye, oye. All rise for the honorable Chief Justice D-O-G-G and the Associate Justices.</poem><br />
:''[Sal pulls the judges out from the back room.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Judge Dogg]]''': Yo. Seat it or beat it. The charges against y'all femditos is murder, mayhem, vandalism, kidnapping and resisting arrest. Damn! The big five. You may now make your opening "what you got to say for yourselves."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': May it please the Court... ''[Judge Dogg slams his gavel.]'' I mean, may it plizzle the cozizzle.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Proceed.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': These charges are outrageous. Our only goal was to save a rare violet star and its precious ecosystem. If protecting the environment is a crime, then...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Protecting the environment is a crime.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela': ''[She clears her throat.]'' I rest my mouth.</poem><br />
:''[Time cut]''<br />
<poem>'''Bailiff''': Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': I... Well, now, I... Am I under oath when I take the oath?</poem><br />
:''[Time cut]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Ruth Ginsberg's Head]]''': Can the witness identify the feminista leader?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': That's her right there, with the "I'm gonna kill you Bender" look in her eye.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Antonin Scalia's Head]]''': Hey, aren't you the robot who robbed me at gunpoint last year?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No further answers, Your Honor.</poem><br />
:''[Time cut]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Please, Justice Dogg, Leela and her friends are completely innocent.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Hold up. Were you or were you not abducted by these hoes?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Well, abducted is such an ugly word.</poem><br />
:''[Time cut]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Thomas]]''': Mr. Wong, the court cannot compel you to testify against your own daughter.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': No. No, I want to. Also, I got something to say about my wife.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to Judge Dogg, who is listening to music on headphones.]''<br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Aw, yeah. Having heard some of the testimony over these jams I've been listening to, me and my crew will now kick it in the mix.</poem><br />
:''[The Bailiff connects all of the judges together. Their heads spin and electricity arcs between them as they deliberate. A pan across the Feministas show they are all holding hands. When Leela appears on the screen, she is holding hands with Zapp, who is grinning and waves at her with his fingers. She cracks his fingers and he falls to the floor in pain. The judges stop deliberating and Judge Dogg's jar is emitting bubbles and smoke.]''<br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': A'ight. We got us a verdict up in this ''High'' Court. Bailiff, drop it like it's legal precedent.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bailiff''': In the matter of Leo Wong v. The Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, four justices vote to convict, five to acquit.</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Antonin Scalia's Head''': However, since the vote was strictly along gender lines and the female justices' votes only count half, you are hereby found guilty.</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas groan.]''<br />
<poem>'''Ruth Ginsberg's Head''': It's a humiliating and biased system, but it works.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Judge Dogg''': Fifty years in the maximum security Dogg house. ''[He bangs his gavel.]'' Peace.</poem><br />
:''[Sal pushes the judges back out of the room. Leela glares over at Fry.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Maxi-Padlock: High-Security Women's Prison. A bus drives in through the security gates. The Feministas are put in a holding cell.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Warden]]''': Ladies! Welcome to hell.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Petunia''': Beats Nutley on a Saturday night.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Warden''': This is a privately-owned for-profit prison and I run a tight, cheap ship! I've done this by cutting cost everywhere, especially on punishment. I rely on you inmates to make prison unpleasant for yourselves. You're encouraged to sexually harass new prisoners, organize no-holds-barred catfights and maintain poor hygiene.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Try and make me, copper.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Warden''': Oh... a troublemaker. ''[She laughs.]'' Taste the lash of my 99-cent-store nightstick!</poem><br />
:''[The Warden strikes Amy and the nightstick squeeks upon impact.]''</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Transcript:Into_the_Wild_Green_Yonder&diff=49211Transcript:Into the Wild Green Yonder2009-08-17T01:53:46Z<p>Mini-Me: Half time!</p>
<hr />
<div>{{transcript infobox<br />
|for=Into the Wild Green Yonder<br />
|thanks to=Mini-Me<br />
|prev ep= Bender's Game Part 4<br />
|prev film=Bender's Game<br />
}}<br />
<br />
{{working|Mini-Me}}<br />
<br />
:''[Pan over space, planets and meteors.]''<br />
:''[Caption: BLACK DWARF SYSTEM - DEEPEST SPACE]''<br />
:''[A green light claps in them middle of the screen and a pulsing, green ripple expands outward. Cut to a violet star.]''<br />
:''[Caption: VIOLET DWARF SYSTEM - SLIGHTLY DEEP SPACE]''<br />
:''[One of the green waves passes over the system and the planets all glow a light green. Zoom into the largest celestial body in the system and into a bubbling pool of liquid in a crater where a strand of DNA is formed. The strand fades into a roller coaster track in Mars Vegas. Some of the Planet Express crew and other characters fly across the screen in a roller coaster car. A parody of the "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas" sign says "Welcome to Fabulous Mars Vegas."]''<br />
<br />
:''[The opening credits start, with a theme song that is almost exclusively tubular bells.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Seth MacFarlane]] (singing)''': You and I will be reborn,<br />
In a future place and time,<br />
If everything our Hindu brethren say is true.<br />
In an age of things that hover,<br />
You and I will still be lovers,<br />
And we'll say to ourselves<br />
That was then and this is, too.<br />
'Cause we'll still find the happening hot spots,<br />
We'll still cruise the cool casinos.<br />
You'll still fly me to the moon,<br />
Although the moon to which you fly me,<br />
Could be Phobos or Deimos.<br />
The psychic worms from Rigel Nine,<br />
Who control everything we do,<br />
Will make us think that was then,<br />
And 3010 is exactly the same as 1962.<br />
Don't expect any changes, my friend,<br />
That was then and this is, too.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A hover grand stand is filled with a crowd of people who overlook Mars Vegas from far away.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Bender]]''': Wow, Mars Vegas. Long live the eternal city.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Leo and Inez Wong|Mr. Wong]]''': Two, one, zero!</poem><br />
:''[He pushes down a plunger and Mars Vegas is levelled by a large explosion.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Rest in hell, Crapville!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A large worm moves through the desert of Mars.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Leo and Inez Wong|Mrs. Wong]]''': Out here in the desert, we’re gonna build bigger, better Vegas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Bathtubs size of oceans, hookers size of bouncers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He blubbers.]'' Hamburger!</poem><br />
:''[The worm has stopped at a station.]''<br />
<poem>'''Worm Announcer''': Stand clear of the closing jaws.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The group stands in a construction site of a new hotel.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yo, you need any girders bent, I know a guy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Amy Wong]]''': So what's gonna be over there, Dad?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': That? That the oasis. ''[A bulldozer destroys a small area of trees and grass. A tree was missed, so a man sets it on fire with a flame thrower.]'' Future site of Oasis Hotel. ''[He laughs.]'' Take that, you stupid Mother Nature.</poem><br />
: ''[A car door closes. Pan over to the Feministas standing behind the caution perimeter with protest signs.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Frida Waterfall]]''': Okay. Let's hit him hard.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feministas''': This land is your land. This land is my land</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Fry]]''': Who are you noisy women?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': I'm Frida Waterfall, leader of the Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, and we will not let you man-doze this beautiful gyno-desert.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Well, I'm Leo Wong, and I say, "Boom!"</poem><br />
:''[He pushes down a plunger and the Feministas are send flying into the air from an explosion. Everybody else laughs as they fall back to the surface. Frida lands on Fry and it is revealed that her Femi-necklace has lodged in his brain. Everybody gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Hey, what happened to my femi-necklace? And where's my mega-fem?</poem><br />
:''[The megaphone hits her in the head and she is knocked out. Zoidberg rushes to Fry with a stethoscope.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Professor Farnsworth]]''': Is he badly hurt, Dr. Zoidberg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Zoidberg]]''': I don't quite know how to say this. ''(Sobbing:)'' Fry is dead!</poem><br />
:''[Everybody starts sobbing, but then Fry groans and wakes up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Wait, not dead. The other thing.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Damn eco-broads! You can't even spray for eagles without upsetting these kooks. ''[He sprays a tree and two eagles fall out, then a cave man falls out.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Leela]]''': Now, hang on. Before you do construction, don't you have to make sure you're not harming any native species?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': You mean, cursory environmental survey? Already done! By top scientist.</poem><br />
:''[He interrupts Farnsworth counting a wad of cash.]''<br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Err, what? Oh, my, yes. You've got the go-ahead, Mr. Wong. This place is deader than last year's cat.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, it's not! There's precious life right here in this scum puddle. ''[He holds up a desert muck leech.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ah! Cyprinodon martius. The desert muck leech. Amazingly, the entire species lives in this one tiny stink hole. ''(To Mr. Wong:)'' Killing these will be so much easier than exterminating those ponies.</poem><br />
:''[He imitates a pony, then imitates a machine gun, then imitates a dying pony.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Wait a second. Leeches may not be cuddly like pandas or tribbles, but these poor endangered creatures deserve... ''[She pets the leech, it makes a noise and then it bites and clamps onto her neck.]'' Get off me! ''[She throws it to the ground.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'll get it with my trusty foot cups: Stompy and Smashy.</poem><br />
:''[Bender tries repeatedly to squish the creature, but Leela bends over to stop him from trying.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, don't kill it! We have to...</poem><br />
:''[When she bends over, the leech bites onto her neck again. She runs off-screen screaming. Mr. Wong is seen pouring a bag of Poison Cement into the hole the leech came from. He then directs a large parking lot paving machine to roll over the area.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': There. They're not endangered anymore. They're extinct. ''[He chuckles.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, they're not. I saved this one. And I'm gonna raise it and care for it, so the world will forever know what it's lost. ''[The leech then bites her eye and she screams.]'' You freaking slime wad! ''[She pulls is off her eye and stomps on it, then stops.]'' No. I killed it. It was the last of its kind. ''[The creature comes back to life and bites onto her knee.]'' Mother-''(bleep)''. Let go of me, you... ''[She holds her leg up and fries the leech with a laser from her Wristlomojacker.]'' Poor thing.</poem><br />
:''[It flies back at her neck and clamps on again. She screams as the camera pans over the Mr. Wong and Fry. Mr. Wong kicks Fry's leg twice to wake him up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Tell you what, Fry. You all promise not to sue me, I give you token for free entry in poker tournament. ''[He slips a poker chip into Fry's pocket on his shirt while Fry is still somewhat unconscious.]'' He took it, you all saw it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Maybe we did, maybe we didn't. ''[Leela runs across the screen behind them, battling the leech still.]'' What's in it for me, Bender?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Okay, okay. Come back when New Vegas opens, I give you all free rooms, free dinner and free tickets to Celine Dion.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Lose the Celine Dion tickets and you got yourself a deal.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': All right, damn it, done!</poem><br />
:''[The crew cheers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All right, I scored.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Wong Hotel & Casino is completed. The crew is playing a row of slot machines.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Look out, Vegas, I've got a system. ''[He inserts a quarter and pulls the lever while laughing. The rolls of the machine land on "OUT OF ORDER," "OUT OF ORDER" and "NO REFUNDS."]'' Oh. I'm bankrupt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He chuckles.]'' You said it, Hermes. He is pathetic, but lovable.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Yup. What? I said no such thing, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I am not acting weird, Leela. Why is everyone talking at once?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Fry, calm down and stop braining.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Yeah, Fry, maybe you need to-</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You're right, Amy! Maybe I do need some fresh air.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Man, I'm worried about him. But not enough to stop gambling for even a single second.</poem><br />
:''[He uses his quarter on a string to scam the slot machine and pulls on the lever. He gets three Leo Wong heads.]''<br />
<poem>'''Three Leos on the Machine''': You win, damn it!</poem><br />
:''[Quarters are dispensed from the machine as bells are going off.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He laughs.]'' It's all in the wrist. ''[He unscrews his hand from his wrist and sucks up the quarters like a vacuum. He sucks quarters out of Farnsworth's pocket as well.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A street in Mars Vegas. Traffic has filled the streets. Cut to Fry's eyes as he walks down the sidewalk of pedestrians.]''<br />
<br />
:''[There is overlapping chatter.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Voices always yelling. Who - who said that? I'm not insane. Stop it. Stop talking in me!</poem><br />
:''[Fry runs into a close alley.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Hutch Waterfall]]''': Voices bothering you, man? I've been there. You need one of these doodangs. ''[He taps on his foil hat.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Over the chatter)''': A foil hat? Of course, he likes pastrami. What about the dog's testicles? ''[Hutch puts his foil hat on Fry's head and the voices quiet.]'' Hey, it worked. The voices stopped.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': They've got a huge selection of carburetors... Hang on. Hang on. ''[He searches through a dumpster for a new hat and finds one with some pizza stuck to it.]'' That's better. My name's Hutch.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hi, Hutch. So what's with the obnoxious, shrieking voices? Are my fillings picking up The View?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': No, man. Truth is, it's other people's thoughts. You're a mind reader.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Although, actually, it was sort of obvious.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': You don't believe me? Take off the helmet.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I believe you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Seriously, do it. ''[Fry sighs and takes his hat off.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': Testing, testing. Do you read me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Loud and clear.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': What?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I said, "Loud and clear." Only I said it with my thinker, not my talker.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Whoa! Freaky. Why can't I read your thoughts?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I don't know. Wait. What's that about a secret society?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Never mind that. Just keep the foil on and you'll be okay. Also, it'll keep the Dark Ones from incinerating your brain.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That's a plus.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': And don't ever, ever, ever tell anyone you can read minds, or the Dark Ones will get you like that. ''[He poorly snaps his fingers.]'' Hang on, pizza grease. Like that. ''[He snaps his fingers and Fry let's out a concerned wail.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Many robots are walking into a theatre that is presenting Gearotica. In the theatre, robot performers are lowered from the ceiling and dance with the music.]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Clamps]]''': Jeez, get a load of the batteries on her. I'd like to get my clamps on those. Give her a jump, you know what I mean? ''[He laughs alone.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Donbot]]''': Whoa, whoa. Show some decorum there, Clamps. This ain't no strip show. This is a beguiling display of the pornographic arts.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Joey Mousepad]]''': Yo, Skip, I can see a guy's butt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael's Wife''': Oh, Michael, this is the perfect end to a perfect honeymoon.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': I love you so much.</poem><br />
:''[They move in to kiss, but Bender lands between them.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Is this seat taken?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': Actually, we...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Slide me those chicken wings. So what part of Podunk you rubes from?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': The north-eastern.</poem><br />
:''[Bender belches fire after drinking a bottle of red wine.]''<br />
:''[Two robots on stage move their hips on a gear until they are close enough to exchange a compact disc from one slot to another. The crowd applauds.]''<br />
<poem>'''Announcer''': Monsieurs et mademoiselles, our circus of the senses now arrives by steamboat in New Orleans, circa 2873. The muted lament of a trombone resonates through the fog, which lingers even now, months after the attack of the fog monster. With but one hope of restoring Gearoticus to his throne, our sensual fate rests in the gyrations of... Fanny.</poem><br />
:''[Fog covers the stage, but is blown away by the air movement from Fanny's fan, which is fixed to her rear end.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh. ''[He stops eating and watches Fanny move her fan around on stage. He stammers and his eyes extend out of his head to zoom in. They extend out farther, then his antenna extends and the woman next to him gasps.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Bender is scatting as he walks toward Fanny's dressing room door with flowers hidden behind him. He knocks on the door and Fanny answers.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Fanny]]''': Yes?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm Bender. Let's do it. ''[He holds out the flowers.]''</poem><br />
:''[The two stare at each other for a few seconds until the Donbot comes out of the dressing room with his gun cocked and pointed at Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Who is it, the Feds?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He gasps.]'' Aren't you the Donbot, head of the Robot Mafia?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Allegedly. And this is my beloved wife, Fanny, whose honor I would proudly defend with a power drill. Well, I gotta go drown a stoolie.</poem><br />
:''[As soon as the bathroom door closes Bender and Fanny start kissing, Fanny's fan is spinning. Suddenly the Donbot opens the door and Bender and Fanny quickly separate]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': I'm gonna be in here a while, so do me a favor and drive my wife home. It's one of them self-driving cars, so just sit in the back and do whatever.</poem><br />
:''[They start kissing again. Fanny twangs Bender's antenna.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Oh, Bender, your lips are intoxicating. It's like kissing an ashtray full of hot wings.</poem><br />
:''[They resume kissing and fall to the floor.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender (As if he were speaking through a fan)''': Aww yeahh!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is peacefully walking down a street. He stops and lift his hat off. The voices grow louder and louder until he puts his hat back on.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': My God, I really can read minds. I have a superpower! There must be something great I can do with this.</poem><br />
:''[He gasps. Cut to Fry standing in front of a Women's locker room door. He removes his hat and quickly walks in.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hello, ladies, I can read your thoughts. ''[Punches are heard and Fry is thrown out of the room.]'' Oh, wait, that's invisibility.</poem><br />
:''[Fry walks by a banner for Leo's Poker Tournament, back tracks to it and gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Poker. With my mind-reading abilities and my invisibility... Wait, no, just the mind reading. I can't lose!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sign me up for the tournament, please.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Administrator''': Okey-doke, Jiffy Pop. Entry fee's 50,000 smackers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': 50,000? Drat, all I have is my life savings and a token for free admission to this poker tournament.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Administrator''': Close enough. ''[He puts the wad of cash in his breast pocket.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': "ELZAR'S AT THE WONG" - The crew plus Fanny is occupying a booth in the restaurant.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': You're having an affair with the head of the robot mafia's wife?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (Off-screen)''': Yup, this is her I'm making out with.</poem><br />
:''[The entire table is shown, Bender and Fanny are laying in the center of it kissing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Bender, are you crazy?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No, it's Fry who's crazy in this one.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Psht, I'm not crazy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You sure you're okay, Fry? I mean, you do have tin foil on your head.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So? You've got a leech on your neck. Oh, and speaking of sucking on your neck, want to go to a movie later?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Elzar]]''': Hey, there! How are you folks doing tonight?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Great. What are the specials?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Elzar''': Well, let's see now. We've got a wonderful grizzly bear that's been dipped in cornmeal and lightly tormented. Questions?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': What was the bear's name?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Elzar''': Jojo.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Ooh, I'll have him.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the entrance of the restaurant, Donbot, Joey Mousepad and Clamps walk in. Fanny gasps, Bender yelps and moves half of his head into his body.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hide me!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': Hey, Donbot, ain't that your wife what with you had that wedding with?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': ''[While sauntering over to Donbot looking rather bloated.]'' Donbot, honey! What a pleasant shock! I was just having dinner alone, when suddenly you walk in on us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Alone, huh?</poem><br />
:''[Her body groans and Bender comes shooting out of her chest cavity.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Where am I? I was exploring a wormhole through space many light years from this restaurant, when suddenly I was surrounded by darkness. '''(To Fanny:)''' Hot, sexy darkness. ''[He purrs sensually.]'' Oh, why, hello, Donbot! Hello, miss, have we met? ''[He shakes Fanny's hand.]'' I'm Bender. The world's most sexual robot. I mean, the world's most boundary-respecting robot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Nice to see you, Bender. Welcome back to our universe. Listen, sugar, I stuck up the Burlington Coat Factory and got you a little something. It's a $49 value.</poem><br />
:''[He puts a white fur coat on her and she spins her fan and squeals with delight.]''<br />
<poem>'''Danny''': Donbot, I love you! '''(To Bender:)''' Not really.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Man, this is great! I always wanted to nail a dame in a fur coat, and now's my chance. ''[He catches himself.]'' I mean, if you'll introduce me to one, sir. '''(To Fanny:)''' One as sexy as you, baby! Bender out. ''[He struts away while humming/scatting. Zoom on Donbot's eyes, they squint, showing Donbot is onto Bender.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''[Establishing shot of the Wong Hotel & Casino. '''Scene''': Fanny and Bender walk through the Casino.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': I never felt so alive, Bender. Listen, this turquoise-encrusted bra is worth 50 grand. Let's sell it and run off before the Donbot gets wise.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He sighs.]'' No. It will take a lot more money than that to make a girl like you happy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': No, it won't.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yeah, it will. Shut up! We'll run off, but not till after I win the Universal Poker Championship! ''[He raises his hand to reveal his plan, reaches into Fanny's bosom, rips out the bra and slams it on the Administrator's counter.]'' One entry, please.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Bender, no! You can't beat the best players in the universe. You're not lucky enough.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh, no? I'm 40% lucky. ''[He bangs on his chest twice.]'' The scrap metal I'm made from included a truckload of horseshoes from the luckiest racehorses in Mexico, who had just been sent to a glue factory.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': They don't sound so lucky to me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Not without their shoes.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The [[The Hip Joint Janitor|Hip Joint Janitor]] walks up to the railing of a casino that has a "Dancing Fountains" display in front of it. He dumps a bottle of Diet Slurm and a pack of Mentos into the water and the show begins. Pan over to Bender, who is getting his foot cups polished by a machine. He is cheerfully humming again and Fanny walks up to him.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Here, Bendy, take this. It will give you 70% more luck. It's the Donbot's lucky robot's foot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All right! With two kinds of luck, I can't lose.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No, wait, three. I stepped on a leprechaun.</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad and Clamps stop in their car when they see Bender and Fanny together.]''<br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': Yo, you see this over here over there?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': I'm powering up the clamps.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': An old store titled "SMALL BILL'S LAUNDERING." The mafia trio sit in the back of the shop.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let us not rush to judgment.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': But, Skip, that was your lucky robot's foot what came off of your lucky leg.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': ''[He turns his chair to the side and shows his missing appendage.]'' While it is true that I did wake up with only one foot this morning, there is no proof that my beloved Fanny was involved. Aside from the hacksaw I found under her pillow.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': Well, what about that Bender guy? You want I should give him the clamps?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Not yet, Clamps. Only one thing can prove that he has my lucky foot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': Torture with the clamps or a clamp-like device?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': No. We are gonna sit tight and see if he wins the poker tournament. He does, that proves he's packing my lucky foot, in which event...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': ''The clamps!'' Or a clamp-like device.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Penn & Teller are hosting the 3009 Universal Poker Tournament at the Wong Hotel.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Penn Jillette]]''': Welcome viewers who fell asleep with the TV on! It's the 3009 no-limit hold 'em championship. ''[The crowd cheers.]'' I'm the massive head of Penn Jillette, and here with a color commentary, my partner Teller. ''[Teller's head is floating in his own jar. As always, he is deceased.]'' Our act really didn't change much when he died.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Pardon me, I'm new to this game. Is this duffle bag big enough for all your money? ''[He laughs and sits down at the table.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He walks up to the table.]'' Bender? Oh, boogers. We're in the same tournament. Quick, get your entry fee back before I bankrupt you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''Pfft!'' In your dreams, nutloaf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Bite my shiny metal hat.</poem><br />
:''[Graphic: "HAND 1." Leo Wong is the dealer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette (Whispering)''': Tex Connecticut, the pride of Kansas City, first to act. ''[He has a Queen and a Nine and calls the blinds.]'' Smiley Spiff, up next. ''[He has a Jack and a Ten and also calls.]'' Looks like Boobs Vanderbilt has a decent pair. Also, she's got two eights. ''[She calls.]'' And Bender Rodriguez picks up a lucky deal right off the bat. ''[He calls as well.]''</poem><br />
:''[Fry looks at his cards. Two Kings. He lifts his hat up a bit and reads Bender's mind.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender (Telepathically)''': Woo! Two aces. I'm thinking guitar solo. ''[He mimics a guitar solo.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''He puts his hat back down.]'' I fold.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': Holy crap! A stunning play by mentally ill newcomer Philip Fry. It's almost as if he knew Bender had two aces.</poem><br />
:''[Pull out of Penn's shot to reveal that he is sitting 20 or so feet from the game table.]''<br />
<poem>'''Boobs Vanderbilt'': Bender has two aces? I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tex Connecticut''': I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Lrrr]]''': I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He laughs and pulls in the chips.]'' Suck my luck!</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad, Donbot and Clamps are sitting in the audience.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': See this gun? ''[He holds up a gun, but then he crumples it in his hand.]'' That's what I'm gonna do to Bender if he wins.</poem><br />
:''[Graphic: "Hand 6." Fry wins. Graphic: "Hand 13." Bender wins the pot, a gold watch and a human baby. Graphic: "Hand 79."]''<br />
<poem>'''Lrrr''': All in. Call my mighty bid at your peril. ''[He growls at the table. Fry lifts his hat.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': My cards are awful, and I need a hug.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I call your bluff.</poem><br />
:''[Fry wins the hand. Lrrr growls at Fry.]''<br />
<poem>'''Lrrr''': I shall annihilate... ''Fry hugs him.]'' '''(Sobbing:)''' I just wanted to make my daddy proud.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Lrrr's Father''': Well, you didn't. I want you and your junk moved out by Monday.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': It's getting pretty intense, folks. Based on the state of decomposition of Teller's head, we're now in hour 19 of the tournament. And the first bad deal of the night for Bender.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hey, pal, help me out here. ''[He holds up his cards - a Seven and a Two.]'' This is the worst possible hand, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tex Connecticut: I'm all in.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All in! I mean, fold. Whatever.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': ''[Leo deals the flop.]'' Well, Bender's luck just ran out. No card can save him from elimination.</poem><br />
:''[Cut back to the table. A giant prop card falls on Tex Connecticut's neck and incapacitates him.]''<br />
<poem>'''Boobs Vanderbilt''': Oh, my gourds! He's dead. ''[A card falls on her as well.]''</poem><br />
:''[The killer cards total 21.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': 21, winner! ''[He pushes the chips to Bender.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Wooo! I'm so full of luck, it's shooting out like luck diarrhoea.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': Wake up, poker fans! We're down to our final two players in heads-up action for the Championship. Your perspective, Teller? ''[A rat eats Teller's left eye.]''</poem><br />
:''[Leo deals cards to Bender and Fry. Fry looks at his cards then raises his hat and looks at Bender, who has yet to look at his cards. Bender refuses to look at his cards. Cut to Donbot who is watching from the crowd and tries to crack his knuckles. He breaks off all of his fingers in the process.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All in.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But-but, you didn't even look at your cards!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Looking at one's cards is a crutch for players who rely on skill.</poem><br />
:''[Fry lifts his hat again. Bender is scatting like a guitar. Fry lowers his hat and gulps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Any day now, Fry. You in or out?</poem><br />
:''[Fry stammers as he looks for an answer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': What's the matter, Fry, you scared? Or just ''[He spins his head around and wiggles in fingers]'' crazy? ''[He laughs.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': All right, all in. ''[Leo deals the cards.]'' Yes! Four aces!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[Fry moves in to take the pot.]'' Ah-ah-ah. Read 'em and weep, and then tell me what they are.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Two kings. And with three on the board, that gives Bender five kings.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But how is that...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': I don't believe it. Bender has just been dealt the King of Beers, a coaster from the bar that somehow got mixed into the deck. But it still counts!</poem><br />
:''[The crowd cheers and music begins playing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Bender win the Championship!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He eats the money.]'' That's some good money. ''[He then belches fire.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': ''[She comes running over with a suitcase.]'' You did it, Bender. You're the greatest.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Tell me something I don't know, sweetass. Now, let's boogie. We'll be in Space Tahiti before the Donbot knows what hit him.</poem><br />
:''[As Bender is walking away from the table, he throws the Donbot's lucky robot's foot behind him and it strikes the Donbot in the face.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Now I am suspicious.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A desert on Mars at night. Bender and Fanny are digging holes. They are illuminated by the Donbot's car headlights.<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Okay, we finished digging this shallow grave. Can we go now?</poem><br />
:''[The mafia trio then shoot Fanny and Bender for a while with machine guns. Part way through the shooting, Donbot stops to check the time and then resumes his firing. Cut to them driving away from the filled in graves.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Planet Express ship lands in the desert.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Sobbing)''': Poor Bender left me one last voicemail before the Robot Mafia buried him in the desert.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (On cell phone)''': Fry, old friend, before I die, I just wanted to say... ''[Beep.]'' Hang on, I'm getting another call. Hello? ''[The gun fire commences and Bender screams.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Line up, people! Everyone take a shovel and one sixth of the planet. We'll meet back here in 50 years, our bodies broken and our lives wasted.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': And you say these are free shovels?</poem><br />
:''[There is a rumbling and a hole begins to form in the sand near them. As the dust settles Bender walks out of the hole with Fanny.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm back, baby.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Bender! I thought the Robot Mafia killed you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Nah, they just shot us and buried us a few times as a warning.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Bender was so brave. He never stopped making out with me the whole time they were shooting us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I sure didn't.</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad pulls up with his car in the background.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': I gotta get back to my husband, baby. Will I see you tonight?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Probably not.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Mr. Wong is playing mini golf at his country club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': It's a 14-footer with a clown hazard. What club you recommend, Baggy?</poem><br />
'''[[Baggy]]''': As on every hole, I suggest the putter.<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Your golf club sure is classy, Mr. Wong. Naked statue classy.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong putts and ends up far from the hole and curses in Mandarin.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It is very nice. I just wish Amy and I didn't have to wear these sexist badges on our melons. ''[They stand up and show their badges that say "WOMAN."]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': We're lucky even to play as guests, Leela. Dad's club has a very strict "No girls allowed" policy.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong putts again and misses, then curses wildly again.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That doesn't seem fair.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': It really is. Everybody knows women don't have the focus to play miniature golf at a professional level.</poem><br />
:''[Amy makes her putt right through the clown's legs and lands it right next to the hole.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But that's the best shot of the day!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Is that my ball? I think that my ball.</poem><br />
:''[He claims Amy's ball as his own, but still misses his small putt and curses in Mandarin again.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Pfft, great putt, Dad.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Okay, we're done.</poem><br />
:''[The sprinklers turn on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Mr. Wong, how do you keep this place so green in the middle of the desert? Doesn't that waste a lot of water?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Nah, we got plenty water, pumped directly from flamingo lake. ''[The flamingos sitting in the lake are sucked into the drain with all of the water.]'' They'll be fine. ''[Pink feathers are expelled from the sprinklers.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The four are travelling in a golf cart.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Oh, yeah, I love miniature golf. Love everything about it, except how damn miniature it is. That's why I'm building the universe's biggest miniature golf course.</poem><br />
:''[A crane picks up a ball the size of the golf car and drops it into a large cannon.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': This the first tee.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Where's the hole?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': On Pluto's moon, Hydra. It's a six-billion-mile par-two. Tough shot, even for a man. ''[Leela groans. Mr. Wong adjusts the cannon with a dial near the tee. He strikes the button that fires the ball and everybody rushes over to a row of binoculars.]'' '''(Leo VO)''': Around the sun. Bank off Jupiter. And right into the... ''[The ball lands short of the hole and Mr. Wong curses in Mandarin.]'' I'll be right back. ''[He gets in a golf cart that has a dome over it and flies to Hydra. Fry, Leela and Amy watch from the binoculars. Mr. Wong smacks the giant ball his his putter, but it stops on the edge of the hole. He growls and curses in Mandarin. He bounces over to the ball and smacks his with his putter again, then kicks it.]'' It dropped in! Put me down for a two.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Two. ''[She writes down 8.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Keep in mind, that just the first hole. For full course, we gonna bulldoze this entire arm of the Milky Way.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What? You're gonna wipe out 10% of the galaxy for a stupid golf course?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': First of all, it 12% . Second, yes, you betcha.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But you have no idea what life forms might be evolving out there.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': That's exactly why I'm hiring an impartial scientist to perform an environmental survey. That's him in the money shower.</poem><br />
:''[Farnsworth is in the money shower, giggling.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Planet Express Ship is flying through a field of asteroids. A light from the turret on the ship scans the space boulders for life.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (VO)''': Delivery boy's log. Having fallen asleep on what I thought was the toilet, I awoke to find the environmental survey in progress.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Status reports, Science Officer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Zilcho. No sign of life or intelligence. ''[He laughs.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': Just like Fry on a date.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He laughs.]'' Hey!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, so we haven't found any life yet. I still don't see why you men can't be happy with regular-sized miniature golf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Leela, evolution has programmed our fabulous male brains to take anything anybody else thinks is important and make it bigger. ''[He takes a slurp of a "128oz. Big Burp."] ''Have you seen my new 301-inch TV?</poem><br />
:''[He presses a button on a remote and a large TV descends at the front of the ship.]''<br />
<poem>'''Announcer''': Hypnotoad is brought to you by the MagnaPhallix 302-inch TV. It's bigger!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, hell! ''[He throws his beverage at the TV and it falls apart.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[An alarm sounds.]'' Captain, I'm detecting life on the spock-o-scope!</poem><br />
:''[Leela gasps. The ship hovers over the planet. Cut to a fish-like creature waddles onto land. It uses its fins as feet and walks around. Pan up to flowers blooming and flying insects pollinating them.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's amazing. It's like a textbook on evolution.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Except in Kansas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': But isn't Mr. Wong building the 18th hole here? And the golf pants museum?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Indeed so. This whole area will be incinerated when he implodes that sun there into a black hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That beautiful violet star?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': It's so you can't keep your ball at the end of the game.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yo, that's messed up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Well, there won't be any imploding once they read our environmental review. Right, Professor?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ohh, twaddle-squat. There's no scientific consensus that life is important.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yeah. Life, schmife.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clip Board''': ''[Farnsworth checks an option.]'' Approved for demolition.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's you and me, ponytail. ''[He cracks her pony tail like a whip.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Nixon's head pulls up in a limo.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Guard''': We're here, Mr. President.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Richard Nixon's head]]''': Arroo! Let's play some mini-golf.</poem><br />
:''[The headless body of Agnew, Nixon and Mr. Wong are playing mini-golf. Agnew is putting.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Now, just give it a light tap, Agnew. ''[Agnew pulls his club up high.]'' No, no, no, just a light...</poem><br />
:''[Agnew grunts and sends the ball hurtling away from the tee. Cut to Zoidberg on a diving board high above a pool.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Now for a triple clam dip, with a double - ''[The ball smashes into his head and knocks him on his back.]'' OW! ''[He falls off the diving board and lands on the concrete surrounding the pool.]'' OW!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Tough luck, Agnew. Looks like you and Wong owe me a Charleston Chew. ''[He laughs.]''</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas blast through a hedge and <br />
<poem>'''Feministas''': Shut up and hear our wisdom. Shut up and hear our wisdom. Save the ecosystem. Save the ecosystem. Shut up and hear our wisdom! Save the ecosystem!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': What gives, Wong? You said no chicks allowed.</poem><br />
:''[Agnew growls.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': We are the Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, and we will not let you...What was it again?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': We will not let you implode the violet dwarf star at galactic coordinates 167.84, -58.03, mark 948.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Already approved, you cackling hens. So get out, or I'll have vice-president Agnew's headless body throw you out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I'd like to see him try.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Me, too. Should look funny. Sic 'em, Agnew.</poem><br />
:''[Agnew breaks his club in half and wanders toward the women. Leela bumps into a parked golf cart and causes it to roll down a hill, toward Agnew.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Runaway golf cart!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Look out, Agnew!</poem><br />
:''[Agnew tries to dodge the cart, but it follows his movements and runs him over.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Whoa!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Aah!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Is... is he okay?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': No pulse.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': They killed the headless remains of Agnew. Arrest them!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': All Feministas she-vacuate the premises. I mean "femises."</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas run away and the presidential guards chase after them. One drives the limo over Agnew's body.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Lounge. Nixon is on TV.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': My fellow Earthicans, these eco-crooks will face the maximum sentence. For killing a headless torso, that's six weeks.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Well, this is embarrassing. Here I've been blabbing on for years about killing all humans, and who actually does something about it? Some chick.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Leela's not a killer, and she's not some chick. She's the chick I love. And don't tell her I called her a chick, or she'll kill me.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A hover-copter flows over the city with search lights. The Feministas are hiding in a building with the sign "Eco-Feminist Reading Room" in the window. When the spotlight passes over it, a Feminista switches it to "Something even less popular."]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Frida (through her megaphone)''': Everyone stay absolutely quiet!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feminista''': That thing's on. Shh!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feminista''': Turn it off!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida (through megaphone)''': Oh, sorry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': How do you turn it off?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida (through megaphone)''': There. Did that do it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''OTHERS''': No. Stop it. Shut up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Here's the button here. ''[An alarm starts wailing from the megaphone.]'' '''(Through megaphone)''': And I think I... Now I got it.</poem><br />
:''[The megaphone squeals with feedback.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Let me give you a hand.</poem><br />
:''[She pushes a button and it turns off. Frida "shushes" her.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': This is awful. I never meant for our protest to have any effect. Now what do we do?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Trixie]]''': Maybe we should just surrender and serve our six weeks in jail.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Dixie]]''': Hey, yeah! We could do each other's toenails and make shivs.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That's crazy. We've done nothing wrong, other than killing and dismembering the vice-president. We need to make a choice, sisters. We can either keep pestering criminals like Leo Wong with silly slogans...</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Yeah. Let's do that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Actually, I meant that to be the less preferable alternative. We can either chant slogans or we can take action.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': What was the first choice again?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I choose to save the environment by sabotaging Leo Wong's golf course. Who's with me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Could we still use our bullhorns?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Absolutely. Bullhorns are a core principle of eco-feminism.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Then I'm in.</poem><br />
:''[They all cheer, then Frida shushes them through her megaphone.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Feminista's vehicle (A VW Camper) is travelling through space.]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Who's ready to kick some sweaty man-butt?</poem><br />
:''[They cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': I've got my pointy man-kicking shoes on.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Trixie''': Those are cute.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': Aren't they? I got them at Nine West.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Simmer down, warriors. Full power to the vagyroscope!</poem><br />
:''[Cut to a street sweeper-like vehicle cleaning up the rings around a planet.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Those dirty rings. I tried soaking them out, even blasting them out.</poem><br />
:''[The Camper stops near the cleaning vehicle. Leela and Frida emerge and pour sugar in the fuel filler.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Are you sure about this? It would be better for propaganda if we weren't using refined sugar.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's okay. The potato we're shoving in the tailpipe is organic.</poem><br />
:''[She clogs the tail pipe and fly away. The cleaner breaks down.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': I smell sabotage. ''[He sniffs.]'' Ooh, and potatoes.</poem><br />
:''[The girls cheer as they fly away from the planet.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Now, unfortunately, the media is going to put a negative spin on this, like when we killed that guy, so to win public support, we'll need a lovable mascot.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Zoidberg is in a room alone with the muck leech. It is in a glass terrarium in the lounge at Planet Express.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': :''[He picks it up and laughs.]'' Squirm all you want, you nasty dumpling. One less species for the universe, one more breakfast for...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Zoidberg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Leela. Me saving things the leech. Not the eating of it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Zoidberg, I'm very surprised at you, slightly.</poem><br />
:''[Leela lets the leech clamp onto her arm and Zoidberg stares, then slurps at it. Cut to Leela leaving Planet Express.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Psst! Leela.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Shh! I'm a fugitive.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I know. I miss you so much, Leela, even more than when you were here.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I miss you, too, Fry. And you probably think what I'm doing is wrong. But it's something I really care about...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You don't have to explain, Leela. You're you. That's all I need to know.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Goodbye, sweet goofbag.</poem><br />
:''[She walks over to the Camper, knocks twice and gets pulled in. They fly away. Zoom out of just Fry standing on the sidewalk to show Zoidberg and Bender are there as well.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Bender''': :''[He sighs.]'' I'll miss her, too, buddy. Dibs on her iPod.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Dibs on her- ohh...</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is walking through the streets of New New York. He comes upon Hutch drinking a bottle of wine in an alley.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Hey, Fry! Long time, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, Hutch! What have you been up to?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Same old, same old. Searching the dumpsters, protecting my thoughts with tin foil, peeing myself.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So, what brings you to Earth?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': It's top secret. Hey, take off your helmet and I'll think it to you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Okay. Here goes.</poem><br />
:''[Fry removes his hat and is bottled by Hutch. Hutch walks over to a dumpster, knocks twice and it mechanically opens. There is a bright light emitted from it. He throws Fry's limp body in and follows. The lid closes as he gets in. Cut to Fry waking up on a mattress.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Where are you? And me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': The Great Hall of the Ancient Legion of Madfellows. Welcome, bro.</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Welcome, bro.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Sorry I bashed your head in, buddy, but I had to. You see, the fate of the universe depends on you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yeah, I get that a lot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': The Grand Curator will tell you more.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Take me to him.</poem><br />
:''[He is the man behind Hutch.]''<br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Hey, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': So dig this, Fry. Our commune has been monitoring the universe's life energy for, like, a really long time, and we're grokking some super weird junk.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Um, I don't mean to be rude, but it's kind of hard to take you seriously when you say junk like "grok" and "junk."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''' : What about "commune"?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Especially "commune." Come on, it's the fate of the universe, puff it up a little. Like you could say your ancient order is sensing deep upheaval in the cosmic life energy field.</poem><br />
:''[Everybody murmurs.]''<br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Okay. I'll try. So, like, a really, really long time ago... ''[Fry motions "longer" with his hands.]'' Eons ago! ''[Fry gives a thumbs up and he giggles.]'' Cool. Eons ago, the life force we call Chee permeated the universe. ''[He presses a button and a hologram is shown in the room.]'' The Green Chee generated a great upwelling of life across the cosmos. But then, for reasons unknown...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Ooh. "Reasons unknown." Now that's the sort of hook that grabs the attention of me, the viewer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': For reasons unknown...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Nice.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': ...the Chee began to recede, and the diversity of life began to wither. The life forms we know today are but a fraction of a fraction of the magnificence that once existed.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': But a bunch of dudes, right, they totally passed this far-out knowledge down through the ages.</poem><br />
:''[The holograms shows previous Madfellows proclaiming the word with their tin foil hats on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator (VO)''': Some with this knowledge were called prophets, some, fruitcakes. We, the Legion of Madfellows, are their heirs.</poem><br />
:''[The current Legion of Madfellows is shown in the hologram.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, I'm on TV. ''[He waves.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Well, that's the show. ''[He turns off the hologram.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Neat. What's it got to do with me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Ahh, pooperdoodle! I mean, pardon the omission. You see, after untold eternities, we have sensed a resurgence in the Chee.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, that's the violet dwarf star that Leela wants to save.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Freaking nailed it, corndog.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': We believe this star heralds a new green age, and it's your destiny to be its shepherd and protector.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Me? Why?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': 'Cause you got, like, no delta brainwave, man. The Dark Ones can't groove off your thoughts.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Silence, Hutch! You shall learn more in time, Fry. But for now, let's just say we have enemies, enemies who can read minds, except yours. ''[He points with his foot.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Cool. I can't wait to tell Leela.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': No! If you tell anyone, then their thoughts could be read, and our enemies would know of our existence. For the sake of those you love, you must keep this secret. Do you foot-swear?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, okay. I foot-swear.</poem><br />
:''[They perform a "foot shake" agreeing to the terms.]''<br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Good. Now, to save the coming of the green age, you must stop this man.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong is shown on the hologram.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I know him. Leo Wong. I work with his daughter.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Oh, good, that will cut about 15 minutes of explanation. You must gain Wong's confidence, infiltrate his organization and prevent him from destroying the violet dwarf.</poem><br />
:''[Fry salutes the Grand Curator with his foot. The act is reciprocated.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is in Mr. Wong's office at the Wongminister Miniature Golf Club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Looking for a job, eh?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yes, sir. Nothing fancy. I'm willing to start at the bottom and infiltrate my way up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Sorry, no openings right now. '''(Telepathically)'': What I need is security guard to keep nutcases out of my office.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I'm good at keeping nutcases.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': I said no way. ''(Telepathically)'': Security guard gotta be tough. This idiot don't look like he could handle those feministas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I look like an idiot who can handle those feministas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr Wong (Telepathically)''': He'll have to do better than that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I'll have to do better than that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Hmm. You and I think a lot alike. You really think you can stand up to those eco-freakos?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sir, with me around, they'll be the least of your worries.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The 18th hole of Mr. Wong's course. It's a mess of tubes leading to the green from a giant plastic gorilla head.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Tester''': Stand by, men. And manly aliens. Prepare to test fire King Kong hole.</poem><br />
:''[The manly alien launches the ball at the gorilla. It goes into his mouth and comes out on the green, rolling into the hole for an ace.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': It workses.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tester''': Good job, men. And manly aliens. Construction of King Kong hole complete.</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas' camper is approaching in the background.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Typical. Always King Kong, never Queen... Quong.</poem><br />
:''[A few Feministas leap from the Camper onto the green and plant hooks in the turf and the bumper of their vehicle.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': What are those, hooks? Get out of heres, you hookers. This is my turfs.</poem><br />
:''[The Camper blats off from the green, pulling the turf with it and sending the asteroid, which the green was placed on, spinning out of control and smashing into the tubes.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': ''[He's flying through space.]'' Helpses!</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas cheer as they spray the gorilla head with make-up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You go, gorilla !</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A news broadcast. The vandalized gorilla is used as an image on the story.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Morbo]]''': Our top story. The string of eco-vandalism that began with a harmless vice-presidential killing has spread across the galaxy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Linda]]''': Why do you always get to read the top story, Morbo?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': Because viewers trust a deep male voice and huge, throbbing forehead veins. ''[They pulse in unison a few times.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Not all reaction to the crime spree has been negative. We spoke with several people who viewed these courageous eco-feminists as heroes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Petunia]]''': I just wish there was some way to... Excuse me. ''[She coughs roughly.]'' Some way to show I support 'em. Send them some smokes or something.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': So you make more than twice what I do. What? This just in: Root 2 News has received a video communique from the eco-feminists' unknown hideout.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': This is sub-commander L., den mother of the Feminista Revolutionary Collective, with a message for Leo Wong. Leo, you're a parasite on the universe, and parasites must be destroyed. That's why we've adopted this parasite as our mascot. ''[The leech snarls against the glass of its case.]'' I know it's a little confusing. The point is, even this vicious leech has a right to exist, because it's a part of nature. And that's why a vicious leech like Leo Wong must be exterminated. ''[The Feministas in the background cheer.]'' Again, confusing. We call on women everywhere to join our struggle against eco-chauvinist Leo Wong. We especially need good communique writers. Feministas unite! ''[They pound their breasts twice and throw their fists into the air while reciting that last bit.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': In other news- ''[Linda throws her high heel at his head and it becomes lodged in his ear.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Feministas unite!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Mr. Wong is in his office with Nixon.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Linda (on the TV)''': Feministas unite! ''[The image is paused.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Incredible. Absolutely incredible. You're telling me this TiVo machine can pause and rewind live TV?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': These crazy broads gonna ruin me, Nixon. You gotta help me. Send the army or something. Something big that shoots.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Sir, I don't care if you are my biggest contributor. Our armed forces do not serve your private business interests.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Sorry, I...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': ''[He laughs hysterically.]'' I'm just yanking your chain, Leo. I'm on it like boring on Gerry Ford.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The White House Oval Office. Nixon and Mr. Wong are present.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Zapp Brannigan]]''': Zapp Brannigan purporting for duty. For the love of God, Kif, less piccolo, more fife.</poem><br />
:''[Kiff is playing many instruments as a one-man band. He sighs at Zapp's demand.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Report, Brannigan.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Mr. President, I failed to identify these curvaceous banditas despite hours of staring|at their dossiers. ''[There is a picture of Leela from behind on the cover of the file folder.]'' Yet, I seemed to have stroked myself upon good luck, for a patriot of the highest order has volunteered to lead us to them.</poem><br />
:''[Kif performs a drum roll and Bender walks into the room. Bender says "Hey oh" like Ed McMahon.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': These eco-feminists are ruthless criminals who'll stop at nothing to save the environment. I don't see how a bending unit can catch them.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Not just any bending unit, Presidente. I happen to be brilliant, fearless and short on cash. ''[He coughs and motions for money with his fingers.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Slush him, Kroker.</poem><br />
:''[Kiff opens a wall safe and pulls out a briefcase, which he pulls money out of and counts money as he gives it to Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zapp''': Bender here has identified the femdito commander as my ex-lover, Turanga Leela, whom I once made love at.</poem><br />
:''[By the end of this line, Bender has taken all of the money from the briefcase and has started emptying the wall safe.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': And he's willing to fink her out for a few simoleons?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': It's not about the money, Nixon, though I'd like much more. It's 'cause Leela's a threat. A threat to my reputation. She's committed 30 felonies in 12 star systems. If no one stops her, she'll break my record for longest rap sheet.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': That's a despicable motive, Bender, and I respect it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Gracias. Now, I could find Leela, but you'll need to authorize a wiretap.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': As many as you like.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I only need one.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Let's call it six.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Kif''': Question. If you don't know where Leela is, how can you wiretap her?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm not wiretapping her, Greensleeves. You see, like all women, Leela has one weakness.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Bender is descending upon Fry by parachute. Fry is working as a security guard.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hello, weakness!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, Bender, check it out. I'm Leo Wong's new security guard. I got an ID badge and a flashlight, and I ordered this mustache.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Neat. Say, speaking of whatever the hell you just said, I need to make a cell phone telephone call. Can borrow your cell phone telephone?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Okay, but don't restart my Tetris. I was finally about to get one of those pieces that looks like a backwards "L."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Okay, superstud.</poem><br />
:''[Bender walks off screen as Mr. Wong and Amy approach Fry.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Looking good, security. No feministas getting past you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': No, sir. Not on my mustache's watch.</poem><br />
:''[Bender is in the background struggling with Fry's phone.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Fry, I can't believe you're working with my dad against Leela. How can you claim to be her friend and still want her in jail?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He clears his throat.]'' It's a tightrope walk, I won't deny it. It takes the kind of multi-sided thinking your dad's so brilliant at.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': You mean being two-faced?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Don't mind cranky-pants here. She been cranky ever since she was a fat little girl.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Dad!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Can I be brutally honest, Fry? I always wanted a son.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That hurt, but I can take it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': ''[She says something in Mandarin.]'' I knew you wanted a son! Why do you think I became a miniature golf champion? Why do you think I wear these stupid boys' sweat suits?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': To hide your big, fat butt, that's why. ''[He giggles.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Now, sir, in fairness, Amy's butt is actually pretty hot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': What is it with you men? Why does everything revolve around my butt?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': 'Cause it's so big and massive. He and Fry share a laugh.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sorry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': That's it! Why don't you just adopt Fry and make him the son you never had? That'll replace the daughter you don't have anymore!</poem><br />
:''[She grunts as she shoves her way past Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Whoa! What's with Big Butt?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': She just hungry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Here you go, Fry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Thanks.</poem><br />
:''[Bender gives Fry his phone back. There is a large antenna device sticking out of the top of it.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh! FYI, I dropped that Tetris piece in the wrong place and ended the game.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He looks at the screen on the phone. It reads "GAME OVER."]'' No!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is locking up Wongminister Miniature Golf Club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Great! Now Amy's gonna tell Leela I'm a jerk. If only I could explain I'm on a secret mission against evil. Wait. Evil? Yeah, yeah, evil. ''[There is a tapping in the darkness. Fry shines his flashlight around.]'' What's going on in there? A scary noise? ''[He spots Frida hammering a protest sign into the grass.]'' Hey, you're one of Leela's feministas. "Save the environment! Wo-mandate Leo's retirement!" That's terrible writing! Stop making your point so ineffectively! ''[He tries to pull the hammer from Frida's grip.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Take your mands off of me!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He shushes her.]'' I'm on your side.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': ''[She shushes back.]'' Don't shush me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Please, can you take a message to Leela?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': ''[She quickly shushes him.]'' What is it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Just say her sweet goofbag is working to save the violet dwarf star, just like she is.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Very well, I'll fem-municate your man-formation.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He rolls his eyes.]'' Just tell her.</poem><br />
:''[She shushes him again.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express. There is a banner on the balcony which reads "Going out of business forever! Again!"]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Well, this is it, old friends. Planet Express is done for, what with our delivery crew missing and the abysmal sales of Tickle Me Bender.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender Doll''': ''[He doll giggles.]'' Quit touching my junk, pervert!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Hold out your hands and I'll remove your career chips.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': I hate to see it come to an end. ''[His chip is removed and he screams in agony.]'' When will it end?</poem><br />
:''[Farnsworth moves on to Hermes when the phone starts to ring.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Shouldn't you get that, Professor?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': I suppose. ''[He walks off screen, but then rushes back to remove the career chip from Hermes' hand.]'' Hello?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Professor, old buddy, I'm gonna blow up the violet dwarf star. So I need you deliver billion-mile security fence to keep out protesters. Dirty business. Lot of money. You corrupt enough?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Damn skippy! ''[Money is dispensed from the telephone console.]'' Good news, crybabies! We're back in business.</poem><br />
:''[They both cheer and Farnsworth quickly implants their chips back. They both wail in pain.]''</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Transcript:Into_the_Wild_Green_Yonder&diff=49209Transcript:Into the Wild Green Yonder2009-08-17T00:46:23Z<p>Mini-Me: </p>
<hr />
<div>{{transcript infobox<br />
|for=Into the Wild Green Yonder<br />
|thanks to=Mini-Me<br />
|prev ep= Bender's Game Part 4<br />
|prev film=Bender's Game<br />
}}<br />
<br />
{{working|Mini-Me}}<br />
<br />
:''[Pan over space, planets and meteors.]''<br />
:''[Caption: BLACK DWARF SYSTEM - DEEPEST SPACE]''<br />
:''[A green light claps in them middle of the screen and a pulsing, green ripple expands outward. Cut to a violet star.]''<br />
:''[Caption: VIOLET DWARF SYSTEM - SLIGHTLY DEEP SPACE]''<br />
:''[One of the green waves passes over the system and the planets all glow a light green. Zoom into the largest celestial body in the system and into a bubbling pool of liquid in a crater where a strand of DNA is formed. The strand fades into a roller coaster track in Mars Vegas. Some of the Planet Express crew and other characters fly across the screen in a roller coaster car. A parody of the "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas" sign says "Welcome to Fabulous Mars Vegas."]''<br />
<br />
:''[The opening credits start, with a theme song that is almost exclusively tubular bells.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Seth MacFarlane]] (singing)''': You and I will be reborn,<br />
In a future place and time,<br />
If everything our Hindu brethren say is true.<br />
In an age of things that hover,<br />
You and I will still be lovers,<br />
And we'll say to ourselves<br />
That was then and this is, too.<br />
'Cause we'll still find the happening hot spots,<br />
We'll still cruise the cool casinos.<br />
You'll still fly me to the moon,<br />
Although the moon to which you fly me,<br />
Could be Phobos or Deimos.<br />
The psychic worms from Rigel Nine,<br />
Who control everything we do,<br />
Will make us think that was then,<br />
And 3010 is exactly the same as 1962.<br />
Don't expect any changes, my friend,<br />
That was then and this is, too.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A hover grand stand is filled with a crowd of people who overlook Mars Vegas from far away.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Bender]]''': Wow, Mars Vegas. Long live the eternal city.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Leo and Inez Wong|Mr. Wong]]''': Two, one, zero!</poem><br />
:''[He pushes down a plunger and Mars Vegas is levelled by a large explosion.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Rest in hell, Crapville!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A large worm moves through the desert of Mars.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Leo and Inez Wong|Mrs. Wong]]''': Out here in the desert, we’re gonna build bigger, better Vegas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Bathtubs size of oceans, hookers size of bouncers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He blubbers.]'' Hamburger!</poem><br />
:''[The worm has stopped at a station.]''<br />
<poem>'''Worm Announcer''': Stand clear of the closing jaws.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The group stands in a construction site of a new hotel.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yo, you need any girders bent, I know a guy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Amy Wong]]''': So what's gonna be over there, Dad?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': That? That the oasis. ''[A bulldozer destroys a small area of trees and grass. A tree was missed, so a man sets it on fire with a flame thrower.]'' Future site of Oasis Hotel. ''[He laughs.]'' Take that, you stupid Mother Nature.</poem><br />
: ''[A car door closes. Pan over to the Feministas standing behind the caution perimeter with protest signs.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Frida Waterfall]]''': Okay. Let's hit him hard.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feministas''': This land is your land. This land is my land</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Fry]]''': Who are you noisy women?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': I'm Frida Waterfall, leader of the Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, and we will not let you man-doze this beautiful gyno-desert.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Well, I'm Leo Wong, and I say, "Boom!"</poem><br />
:''[He pushes down a plunger and the Feministas are send flying into the air from an explosion. Everybody else laughs as they fall back to the surface. Frida lands on Fry and it is revealed that her Femi-necklace has lodged in his brain. Everybody gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Hey, what happened to my femi-necklace? And where's my mega-fem?</poem><br />
:''[The megaphone hits her in the head and she is knocked out. Zoidberg rushes to Fry with a stethoscope.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Professor Farnsworth]]''': Is he badly hurt, Dr. Zoidberg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Zoidberg]]''': I don't quite know how to say this. ''(Sobbing:)'' Fry is dead!</poem><br />
:''[Everybody starts sobbing, but then Fry groans and wakes up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Wait, not dead. The other thing.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Damn eco-broads! You can't even spray for eagles without upsetting these kooks. ''[He sprays a tree and two eagles fall out, then a cave man falls out.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Leela]]''': Now, hang on. Before you do construction, don't you have to make sure you're not harming any native species?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': You mean, cursory environmental survey? Already done! By top scientist.</poem><br />
:''[He interrupts Farnsworth counting a wad of cash.]''<br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Err, what? Oh, my, yes. You've got the go-ahead, Mr. Wong. This place is deader than last year's cat.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, it's not! There's precious life right here in this scum puddle. ''[He holds up a desert muck leech.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ah! Cyprinodon martius. The desert muck leech. Amazingly, the entire species lives in this one tiny stink hole. ''(To Mr. Wong:)'' Killing these will be so much easier than exterminating those ponies.</poem><br />
:''[He imitates a pony, then imitates a machine gun, then imitates a dying pony.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Wait a second. Leeches may not be cuddly like pandas or tribbles, but these poor endangered creatures deserve... ''[She pets the leech, it makes a noise and then it bites and clamps onto her neck.]'' Get off me! ''[She throws it to the ground.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'll get it with my trusty foot cups: Stompy and Smashy.</poem><br />
:''[Bender tries repeatedly to squish the creature, but Leela bends over to stop him from trying.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, don't kill it! We have to...</poem><br />
:''[When she bends over, the leech bites onto her neck again. She runs off-screen screaming. Mr. Wong is seen pouring a bag of Poison Cement into the hole the leech came from. He then directs a large parking lot paving machine to roll over the area.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': There. They're not endangered anymore. They're extinct. ''[He chuckles.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, they're not. I saved this one. And I'm gonna raise it and care for it, so the world will forever know what it's lost. ''[The leech then bites her eye and she screams.]'' You freaking slime wad! ''[She pulls is off her eye and stomps on it, then stops.]'' No. I killed it. It was the last of its kind. ''[The creature comes back to life and bites onto her knee.]'' Mother-''(bleep)''. Let go of me, you... ''[She holds her leg up and fries the leech with a laser from her Wristlomojacker.]'' Poor thing.</poem><br />
:''[It flies back at her neck and clamps on again. She screams as the camera pans over the Mr. Wong and Fry. Mr. Wong kicks Fry's leg twice to wake him up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Tell you what, Fry. You all promise not to sue me, I give you token for free entry in poker tournament. ''[He slips a poker chip into Fry's pocket on his shirt while Fry is still somewhat unconscious.]'' He took it, you all saw it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Maybe we did, maybe we didn't. ''[Leela runs across the screen behind them, battling the leech still.]'' What's in it for me, Bender?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Okay, okay. Come back when New Vegas opens, I give you all free rooms, free dinner and free tickets to Celine Dion.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Lose the Celine Dion tickets and you got yourself a deal.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': All right, damn it, done!</poem><br />
:''[The crew cheers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All right, I scored.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Wong Hotel & Casino is completed. The crew is playing a row of slot machines.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Look out, Vegas, I've got a system. ''[He inserts a quarter and pulls the lever while laughing. The rolls of the machine land on "OUT OF ORDER," "OUT OF ORDER" and "NO REFUNDS."]'' Oh. I'm bankrupt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He chuckles.]'' You said it, Hermes. He is pathetic, but lovable.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Yup. What? I said no such thing, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I am not acting weird, Leela. Why is everyone talking at once?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Fry, calm down and stop braining.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Yeah, Fry, maybe you need to-</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You're right, Amy! Maybe I do need some fresh air.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Man, I'm worried about him. But not enough to stop gambling for even a single second.</poem><br />
:''[He uses his quarter on a string to scam the slot machine and pulls on the lever. He gets three Leo Wong heads.]''<br />
<poem>'''Three Leos on the Machine''': You win, damn it!</poem><br />
:''[Quarters are dispensed from the machine as bells are going off.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He laughs.]'' It's all in the wrist. ''[He unscrews his hand from his wrist and sucks up the quarters like a vacuum. He sucks quarters out of Farnsworth's pocket as well.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A street in Mars Vegas. Traffic has filled the streets. Cut to Fry's eyes as he walks down the sidewalk of pedestrians.]''<br />
<br />
:''[There is overlapping chatter.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Voices always yelling. Who - who said that? I'm not insane. Stop it. Stop talking in me!</poem><br />
:''[Fry runs into a close alley.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Hutch Waterfall]]''': Voices bothering you, man? I've been there. You need one of these doodangs. ''[He taps on his foil hat.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Over the chatter)''': A foil hat? Of course, he likes pastrami. What about the dog's testicles? ''[Hutch puts his foil hat on Fry's head and the voices quiet.]'' Hey, it worked. The voices stopped.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': They've got a huge selection of carburetors... Hang on. Hang on. ''[He searches through a dumpster for a new hat and finds one with some pizza stuck to it.]'' That's better. My name's Hutch.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hi, Hutch. So what's with the obnoxious, shrieking voices? Are my fillings picking up The View?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': No, man. Truth is, it's other people's thoughts. You're a mind reader.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Although, actually, it was sort of obvious.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': You don't believe me? Take off the helmet.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I believe you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Seriously, do it. ''[Fry sighs and takes his hat off.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': Testing, testing. Do you read me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Loud and clear.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': What?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I said, "Loud and clear." Only I said it with my thinker, not my talker.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Whoa! Freaky. Why can't I read your thoughts?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I don't know. Wait. What's that about a secret society?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Never mind that. Just keep the foil on and you'll be okay. Also, it'll keep the Dark Ones from incinerating your brain.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That's a plus.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': And don't ever, ever, ever tell anyone you can read minds, or the Dark Ones will get you like that. ''[He poorly snaps his fingers.]'' Hang on, pizza grease. Like that. ''[He snaps his fingers and Fry let's out a concerned wail.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Many robots are walking into a theatre that is presenting Gearotica. In the theatre, robot performers are lowered from the ceiling and dance with the music.]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Clamps]]''': Jeez, get a load of the batteries on her. I'd like to get my clamps on those. Give her a jump, you know what I mean? ''[He laughs alone.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Donbot]]''': Whoa, whoa. Show some decorum there, Clamps. This ain't no strip show. This is a beguiling display of the pornographic arts.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Joey Mousepad]]''': Yo, Skip, I can see a guy's butt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael's Wife''': Oh, Michael, this is the perfect end to a perfect honeymoon.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': I love you so much.</poem><br />
:''[They move in to kiss, but Bender lands between them.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Is this seat taken?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': Actually, we...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Slide me those chicken wings. So what part of Podunk you rubes from?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': The north-eastern.</poem><br />
:''[Bender belches fire after drinking a bottle of red wine.]''<br />
:''[Two robots on stage move their hips on a gear until they are close enough to exchange a compact disc from one slot to another. The crowd applauds.]''<br />
<poem>'''Announcer''': Monsieurs et mademoiselles, our circus of the senses now arrives by steamboat in New Orleans, circa 2873. The muted lament of a trombone resonates through the fog, which lingers even now, months after the attack of the fog monster. With but one hope of restoring Gearoticus to his throne, our sensual fate rests in the gyrations of... Fanny.</poem><br />
:''[Fog covers the stage, but is blown away by the air movement from Fanny's fan, which is fixed to her rear end.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh. ''[He stops eating and watches Fanny move her fan around on stage. He stammers and his eyes extend out of his head to zoom in. They extend out farther, then his antenna extends and the woman next to him gasps.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Bender is scatting as he walks toward Fanny's dressing room door with flowers hidden behind him. He knocks on the door and Fanny answers.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Fanny]]''': Yes?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm Bender. Let's do it. ''[He holds out the flowers.]''</poem><br />
:''[The two stare at each other for a few seconds until the Donbot comes out of the dressing room with his gun cocked and pointed at Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Who is it, the Feds?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He gasps.]'' Aren't you the Donbot, head of the Robot Mafia?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Allegedly. And this is my beloved wife, Fanny, whose honor I would proudly defend with a power drill. Well, I gotta go drown a stoolie.</poem><br />
:''[As soon as the bathroom door closes Bender and Fanny start kissing, Fanny's fan is spinning. Suddenly the Donbot opens the door and Bender and Fanny quickly separate]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': I'm gonna be in here a while, so do me a favor and drive my wife home. It's one of them self-driving cars, so just sit in the back and do whatever.</poem><br />
:''[They start kissing again. Fanny twangs Bender's antenna.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Oh, Bender, your lips are intoxicating. It's like kissing an ashtray full of hot wings.</poem><br />
:''[They resume kissing and fall to the floor.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender (As if he were speaking through a fan)''': Aww yeahh!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is peacefully walking down a street. He stops and lift his hat off. The voices grow louder and louder until he puts his hat back on.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': My God, I really can read minds. I have a superpower! There must be something great I can do with this.</poem><br />
:''[He gasps. Cut to Fry standing in front of a Women's locker room door. He removes his hat and quickly walks in.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hello, ladies, I can read your thoughts. ''[Punches are heard and Fry is thrown out of the room.]'' Oh, wait, that's invisibility.</poem><br />
:''[Fry walks by a banner for Leo's Poker Tournament, back tracks to it and gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Poker. With my mind-reading abilities and my invisibility... Wait, no, just the mind reading. I can't lose!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sign me up for the tournament, please.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Administrator''': Okey-doke, Jiffy Pop. Entry fee's 50,000 smackers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': 50,000? Drat, all I have is my life savings and a token for free admission to this poker tournament.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Administrator''': Close enough. ''[He puts the wad of cash in his breast pocket.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': "ELZAR'S AT THE WONG" - The crew plus Fanny is occupying a booth in the restaurant.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': You're having an affair with the head of the robot mafia's wife?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (Off-screen)''': Yup, this is her I'm making out with.</poem><br />
:''[The entire table is shown, Bender and Fanny are laying in the center of it kissing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Bender, are you crazy?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No, it's Fry who's crazy in this one.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Psht, I'm not crazy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You sure you're okay, Fry? I mean, you do have tin foil on your head.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So? You've got a leech on your neck. Oh, and speaking of sucking on your neck, want to go to a movie later?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Elzar]]''': Hey, there! How are you folks doing tonight?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Great. What are the specials?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Elzar''': Well, let's see now. We've got a wonderful grizzly bear that's been dipped in cornmeal and lightly tormented. Questions?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': What was the bear's name?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Elzar''': Jojo.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Ooh, I'll have him.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the entrance of the restaurant, Donbot, Joey Mousepad and Clamps walk in. Fanny gasps, Bender yelps and moves half of his head into his body.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hide me!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': Hey, Donbot, ain't that your wife what with you had that wedding with?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': ''[While sauntering over to Donbot looking rather bloated.]'' Donbot, honey! What a pleasant shock! I was just having dinner alone, when suddenly you walk in on us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Alone, huh?</poem><br />
:''[Her body groans and Bender comes shooting out of her chest cavity.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Where am I? I was exploring a wormhole through space many light years from this restaurant, when suddenly I was surrounded by darkness. '''(To Fanny:)''' Hot, sexy darkness. ''[He purrs sensually.]'' Oh, why, hello, Donbot! Hello, miss, have we met? ''[He shakes Fanny's hand.]'' I'm Bender. The world's most sexual robot. I mean, the world's most boundary-respecting robot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Nice to see you, Bender. Welcome back to our universe. Listen, sugar, I stuck up the Burlington Coat Factory and got you a little something. It's a $49 value.</poem><br />
:''[He puts a white fur coat on her and she spins her fan and squeals with delight.]''<br />
<poem>'''Danny''': Donbot, I love you! '''(To Bender:)''' Not really.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Man, this is great! I always wanted to nail a dame in a fur coat, and now's my chance. ''[He catches himself.]'' I mean, if you'll introduce me to one, sir. '''(To Fanny:)''' One as sexy as you, baby! Bender out. ''[He struts away while humming/scatting. Zoom on Donbot's eyes, they squint, showing Donbot is onto Bender.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''[Establishing shot of the Wong Hotel & Casino. '''Scene''': Fanny and Bender walk through the Casino.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': I never felt so alive, Bender. Listen, this turquoise-encrusted bra is worth 50 grand. Let's sell it and run off before the Donbot gets wise.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He sighs.]'' No. It will take a lot more money than that to make a girl like you happy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': No, it won't.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yeah, it will. Shut up! We'll run off, but not till after I win the Universal Poker Championship! ''[He raises his hand to reveal his plan, reaches into Fanny's bosom, rips out the bra and slams it on the Administrator's counter.]'' One entry, please.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Bender, no! You can't beat the best players in the universe. You're not lucky enough.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh, no? I'm 40% lucky. ''[He bangs on his chest twice.]'' The scrap metal I'm made from included a truckload of horseshoes from the luckiest racehorses in Mexico, who had just been sent to a glue factory.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': They don't sound so lucky to me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Not without their shoes.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The [[The Hip Joint Janitor|Hip Joint Janitor]] walks up to the railing of a casino that has a "Dancing Fountains" display in front of it. He dumps a bottle of Diet Slurm and a pack of Mentos into the water and the show begins. Pan over to Bender, who is getting his foot cups polished by a machine. He is cheerfully humming again and Fanny walks up to him.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Here, Bendy, take this. It will give you 70% more luck. It's the Donbot's lucky robot's foot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All right! With two kinds of luck, I can't lose.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No, wait, three. I stepped on a leprechaun.</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad and Clamps stop in their car when they see Bender and Fanny together.]''<br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': Yo, you see this over here over there?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': I'm powering up the clamps.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': An old store titled "SMALL BILL'S LAUNDERING." The mafia trio sit in the back of the shop.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let us not rush to judgment.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': But, Skip, that was your lucky robot's foot what came off of your lucky leg.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': ''[He turns his chair to the side and shows his missing appendage.]'' While it is true that I did wake up with only one foot this morning, there is no proof that my beloved Fanny was involved. Aside from the hacksaw I found under her pillow.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': Well, what about that Bender guy? You want I should give him the clamps?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Not yet, Clamps. Only one thing can prove that he has my lucky foot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': Torture with the clamps or a clamp-like device?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': No. We are gonna sit tight and see if he wins the poker tournament. He does, that proves he's packing my lucky foot, in which event...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': ''The clamps!'' Or a clamp-like device.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Penn & Teller are hosting the 3009 Universal Poker Tournament at the Wong Hotel.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Penn Jillette]]''': Welcome viewers who fell asleep with the TV on! It's the 3009 no-limit hold 'em championship. ''[The crowd cheers.]'' I'm the massive head of Penn Jillette, and here with a color commentary, my partner Teller. ''[Teller's head is floating in his own jar. As always, he is deceased.]'' Our act really didn't change much when he died.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Pardon me, I'm new to this game. Is this duffle bag big enough for all your money? ''[He laughs and sits down at the table.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He walks up to the table.]'' Bender? Oh, boogers. We're in the same tournament. Quick, get your entry fee back before I bankrupt you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''Pfft!'' In your dreams, nutloaf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Bite my shiny metal hat.</poem><br />
:''[Graphic: "HAND 1." Leo Wong is the dealer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette (Whispering)''': Tex Connecticut, the pride of Kansas City, first to act. ''[He has a Queen and a Nine and calls the blinds.]'' Smiley Spiff, up next. ''[He has a Jack and a Ten and also calls.]'' Looks like Boobs Vanderbilt has a decent pair. Also, she's got two eights. ''[She calls.]'' And Bender Rodriguez picks up a lucky deal right off the bat. ''[He calls as well.]''</poem><br />
:''[Fry looks at his cards. Two Kings. He lifts his hat up a bit and reads Bender's mind.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender (Telepathically)''': Woo! Two aces. I'm thinking guitar solo. ''[He mimics a guitar solo.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''He puts his hat back down.]'' I fold.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': Holy crap! A stunning play by mentally ill newcomer Philip Fry. It's almost as if he knew Bender had two aces.</poem><br />
:''[Pull out of Penn's shot to reveal that he is sitting 20 or so feet from the game table.]''<br />
<poem>'''Boobs Vanderbilt'': Bender has two aces? I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tex Connecticut''': I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Lrrr]]''': I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He laughs and pulls in the chips.]'' Suck my luck!</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad, Donbot and Clamps are sitting in the audience.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': See this gun? ''[He holds up a gun, but then he crumples it in his hand.]'' That's what I'm gonna do to Bender if he wins.</poem><br />
:''[Graphic: "Hand 6." Fry wins. Graphic: "Hand 13." Bender wins the pot, a gold watch and a human baby. Graphic: "Hand 79."]''<br />
<poem>'''Lrrr''': All in. Call my mighty bid at your peril. ''[He growls at the table. Fry lifts his hat.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': My cards are awful, and I need a hug.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I call your bluff.</poem><br />
:''[Fry wins the hand. Lrrr growls at Fry.]''<br />
<poem>'''Lrrr''': I shall annihilate... ''Fry hugs him.]'' '''(Sobbing:)''' I just wanted to make my daddy proud.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Lrrr's Father''': Well, you didn't. I want you and your junk moved out by Monday.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': It's getting pretty intense, folks. Based on the state of decomposition of Teller's head, we're now in hour 19 of the tournament. And the first bad deal of the night for Bender.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hey, pal, help me out here. ''[He holds up his cards - a Seven and a Two.]'' This is the worst possible hand, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tex Connecticut: I'm all in.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All in! I mean, fold. Whatever.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': ''[Leo deals the flop.]'' Well, Bender's luck just ran out. No card can save him from elimination.</poem><br />
:''[Cut back to the table. A giant prop card falls on Tex Connecticut's neck and incapacitates him.]''<br />
<poem>'''Boobs Vanderbilt''': Oh, my gourds! He's dead. ''[A card falls on her as well.]''</poem><br />
:''[The killer cards total 21.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': 21, winner! ''[He pushes the chips to Bender.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Wooo! I'm so full of luck, it's shooting out like luck diarrhoea.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': Wake up, poker fans! We're down to our final two players in heads-up action for the Championship. Your perspective, Teller? ''[A rat eats Teller's left eye.]''</poem><br />
:''[Leo deals cards to Bender and Fry. Fry looks at his cards then raises his hat and looks at Bender, who has yet to look at his cards. Bender refuses to look at his cards. Cut to Donbot who is watching from the crowd and tries to crack his knuckles. He breaks off all of his fingers in the process.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All in.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But-but, you didn't even look at your cards!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Looking at one's cards is a crutch for players who rely on skill.</poem><br />
:''[Fry lifts his hat again. Bender is scatting like a guitar. Fry lowers his hat and gulps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Any day now, Fry. You in or out?</poem><br />
:''[Fry stammers as he looks for an answer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': What's the matter, Fry, you scared? Or just ''[He spins his head around and wiggles in fingers]'' crazy? ''[He laughs.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': All right, all in. ''[Leo deals the cards.]'' Yes! Four aces!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[Fry moves in to take the pot.]'' Ah-ah-ah. Read 'em and weep, and then tell me what they are.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Two kings. And with three on the board, that gives Bender five kings.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But how is that...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': I don't believe it. Bender has just been dealt the King of Beers, a coaster from the bar that somehow got mixed into the deck. But it still counts!</poem><br />
:''[The crowd cheers and music begins playing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Bender win the Championship!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He eats the money.]'' That's some good money. ''[He then belches fire.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': ''[She comes running over with a suitcase.]'' You did it, Bender. You're the greatest.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Tell me something I don't know, sweetass. Now, let's boogie. We'll be in Space Tahiti before the Donbot knows what hit him.</poem><br />
:''[As Bender is walking away from the table, he throws the Donbot's lucky robot's foot behind him and it strikes the Donbot in the face.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Now I am suspicious.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A desert on Mars at night. Bender and Fanny are digging holes. They are illuminated by the Donbot's car headlights.<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Okay, we finished digging this shallow grave. Can we go now?</poem><br />
:''[The mafia trio then shoot Fanny and Bender for a while with machine guns. Part way through the shooting, Donbot stops to check the time and then resumes his firing. Cut to them driving away from the filled in graves.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Planet Express ship lands in the desert.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Sobbing)''': Poor Bender left me one last voicemail before the Robot Mafia buried him in the desert.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (On cell phone)''': Fry, old friend, before I die, I just wanted to say... ''[Beep.]'' Hang on, I'm getting another call. Hello? ''[The gun fire commences and Bender screams.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Line up, people! Everyone take a shovel and one sixth of the planet. We'll meet back here in 50 years, our bodies broken and our lives wasted.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': And you say these are free shovels?</poem><br />
:''[There is a rumbling and a hole begins to form in the sand near them. As the dust settles Bender walks out of the hole with Fanny.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm back, baby.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Bender! I thought the Robot Mafia killed you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Nah, they just shot us and buried us a few times as a warning.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Bender was so brave. He never stopped making out with me the whole time they were shooting us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I sure didn't.</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad pulls up with his car in the background.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': I gotta get back to my husband, baby. Will I see you tonight?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Probably not.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Mr. Wong is playing mini golf at his country club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': It's a 14-footer with a clown hazard. What club you recommend, Baggy?</poem><br />
'''[[Baggy]]''': As on every hole, I suggest the putter.<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Your golf club sure is classy, Mr. Wong. Naked statue classy.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong putts and ends up far from the hole and curses in Mandarin.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It is very nice. I just wish Amy and I didn't have to wear these sexist badges on our melons. ''[They stand up and show their badges that say "WOMAN."]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': We're lucky even to play as guests, Leela. Dad's club has a very strict "No girls allowed" policy.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong putts again and misses, then curses wildly again.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That doesn't seem fair.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': It really is. Everybody knows women don't have the focus to play miniature golf at a professional level.</poem><br />
:''[Amy makes her putt right through the clown's legs and lands it right next to the hole.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But that's the best shot of the day!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Is that my ball? I think that my ball.</poem><br />
:''[He claims Amy's ball as his own, but still misses his small putt and curses in Mandarin again.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Pfft, great putt, Dad.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Okay, we're done.</poem><br />
:''[The sprinklers turn on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Mr. Wong, how do you keep this place so green in the middle of the desert? Doesn't that waste a lot of water?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Nah, we got plenty water, pumped directly from flamingo lake. ''[The flamingos sitting in the lake are sucked into the drain with all of the water.]'' They'll be fine. ''[Pink feathers are expelled from the sprinklers.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The four are travelling in a golf cart.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Oh, yeah, I love miniature golf. Love everything about it, except how damn miniature it is. That's why I'm building the universe's biggest miniature golf course.</poem><br />
:''[A crane picks up a ball the size of the golf car and drops it into a large cannon.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': This the first tee.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Where's the hole?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': On Pluto's moon, Hydra. It's a six-billion-mile par-two. Tough shot, even for a man. ''[Leela groans. Mr. Wong adjusts the cannon with a dial near the tee. He strikes the button that fires the ball and everybody rushes over to a row of binoculars.]'' '''(Leo VO)''': Around the sun. Bank off Jupiter. And right into the... ''[The ball lands short of the hole and Mr. Wong curses in Mandarin.]'' I'll be right back. ''[He gets in a golf cart that has a dome over it and flies to Hydra. Fry, Leela and Amy watch from the binoculars. Mr. Wong smacks the giant ball his his putter, but it stops on the edge of the hole. He growls and curses in Mandarin. He bounces over to the ball and smacks his with his putter again, then kicks it.]'' It dropped in! Put me down for a two.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Two. ''[She writes down 8.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Keep in mind, that just the first hole. For full course, we gonna bulldoze this entire arm of the Milky Way.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What? You're gonna wipe out 10% of the galaxy for a stupid golf course?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': First of all, it 12% . Second, yes, you betcha.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But you have no idea what life forms might be evolving out there.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': That's exactly why I'm hiring an impartial scientist to perform an environmental survey. That's him in the money shower.</poem><br />
:''[Farnsworth is in the money shower, giggling.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Planet Express Ship is flying through a field of asteroids. A light from the turret on the ship scans the space boulders for life.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (VO)''': Delivery boy's log. Having fallen asleep on what I thought was the toilet, I awoke to find the environmental survey in progress.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Status reports, Science Officer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Zilcho. No sign of life or intelligence. ''[He laughs.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': Just like Fry on a date.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He laughs.]'' Hey!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, so we haven't found any life yet. I still don't see why you men can't be happy with regular-sized miniature golf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Leela, evolution has programmed our fabulous male brains to take anything anybody else thinks is important and make it bigger. ''[He takes a slurp of a "128oz. Big Burp."] ''Have you seen my new 301-inch TV?</poem><br />
:''[He presses a button on a remote and a large TV descends at the front of the ship.]''<br />
<poem>'''Announcer''': Hypnotoad is brought to you by the MagnaPhallix 302-inch TV. It's bigger!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, hell! ''[He throws his beverage at the TV and it falls apart.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[An alarm sounds.]'' Captain, I'm detecting life on the spock-o-scope!</poem><br />
:''[Leela gasps. The ship hovers over the planet. Cut to a fish-like creature waddles onto land. It uses its fins as feet and walks around. Pan up to flowers blooming and flying insects pollinating them.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's amazing. It's like a textbook on evolution.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Except in Kansas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': But isn't Mr. Wong building the 18th hole here? And the golf pants museum?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Indeed so. This whole area will be incinerated when he implodes that sun there into a black hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That beautiful violet star?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': It's so you can't keep your ball at the end of the game.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yo, that's messed up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Well, there won't be any imploding once they read our environmental review. Right, Professor?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ohh, twaddle-squat. There's no scientific consensus that life is important.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yeah. Life, schmife.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clip Board''': ''[Farnsworth checks an option.]'' Approved for demolition.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's you and me, ponytail. ''[He cracks her pony tail like a whip.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Nixon's head pulls up in a limo.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Guard''': We're here, Mr. President.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Richard Nixon's head]]''': Arroo! Let's play some mini-golf.</poem><br />
:''[The headless body of Agnew, Nixon and Mr. Wong are playing mini-golf. Agnew is putting.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Now, just give it a light tap, Agnew. ''[Agnew pulls his club up high.]'' No, no, no, just a light...</poem><br />
:''[Agnew grunts and sends the ball hurtling away from the tee. Cut to Zoidberg on a diving board high above a pool.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Now for a triple clam dip, with a double - ''[The ball smashes into his head and knocks him on his back.]'' OW! ''[He falls off the diving board and lands on the concrete surrounding the pool.]'' OW!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Tough luck, Agnew. Looks like you and Wong owe me a Charleston Chew. ''[He laughs.]''</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas blast through a hedge and <br />
<poem>'''Feministas''': Shut up and hear our wisdom. Shut up and hear our wisdom. Save the ecosystem. Save the ecosystem. Shut up and hear our wisdom! Save the ecosystem!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': What gives, Wong? You said no chicks allowed.</poem><br />
:''[Agnew growls.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': We are the Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, and we will not let you...What was it again?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': We will not let you implode the violet dwarf star at galactic coordinates 167.84, -58.03, mark 948.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Already approved, you cackling hens. So get out, or I'll have vice-president Agnew's headless body throw you out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I'd like to see him try.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Me, too. Should look funny. Sic 'em, Agnew.</poem><br />
:''[Agnew breaks his club in half and wanders toward the women. Leela bumps into a parked golf cart and causes it to roll down a hill, toward Agnew.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Runaway golf cart!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Look out, Agnew!</poem><br />
:''[Agnew tries to dodge the cart, but it follows his movements and runs him over.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Whoa!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Aah!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Is... is he okay?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': No pulse.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': They killed the headless remains of Agnew. Arrest them!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': All Feministas she-vacuate the premises. I mean "femises."</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas run away and the presidential guards chase after them. One drives the limo over Agnew's body.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Lounge. Nixon is on TV.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': My fellow Earthicans, these eco-crooks will face the maximum sentence. For killing a headless torso, that's six weeks.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Well, this is embarrassing. Here I've been blabbing on for years about killing all humans, and who actually does something about it? Some chick.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Leela's not a killer, and she's not some chick. She's the chick I love. And don't tell her I called her a chick, or she'll kill me.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A hover-copter flows over the city with search lights. The Feministas are hiding in a building with the sign "Eco-Feminist Reading Room" in the window. When the spotlight passes over it, a Feminista switches it to "Something even less popular."]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Frida (through her megaphone)''': Everyone stay absolutely quiet!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feminista''': That thing's on. Shh!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feminista''': Turn it off!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida (through megaphone)''': Oh, sorry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': How do you turn it off?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida (through megaphone)''': There. Did that do it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''OTHERS''': No. Stop it. Shut up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Here's the button here. ''[An alarm starts wailing from the megaphone.]'' '''(Through megaphone)''': And I think I... Now I got it.</poem><br />
:''[The megaphone squeals with feedback.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Let me give you a hand.</poem><br />
:''[She pushes a button and it turns off. Frida "shushes" her.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': This is awful. I never meant for our protest to have any effect. Now what do we do?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Trixie]]''': Maybe we should just surrender and serve our six weeks in jail.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Dixie]]''': Hey, yeah! We could do each other's toenails and make shivs.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That's crazy. We've done nothing wrong, other than killing and dismembering the vice-president. We need to make a choice, sisters. We can either keep pestering criminals like Leo Wong with silly slogans...</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Yeah. Let's do that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Actually, I meant that to be the less preferable alternative. We can either chant slogans or we can take action.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': What was the first choice again?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I choose to save the environment by sabotaging Leo Wong's golf course. Who's with me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Could we still use our bullhorns?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Absolutely. Bullhorns are a core principle of eco-feminism.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Then I'm in.</poem><br />
:''[They all cheer, then Frida shushes them through her megaphone.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Feminista's vehicle (A VW Camper) is travelling through space.]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Who's ready to kick some sweaty man-butt?</poem><br />
:''[They cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': I've got my pointy man-kicking shoes on.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Trixie''': Those are cute.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': Aren't they? I got them at Nine West.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Simmer down, warriors. Full power to the vagyroscope!</poem><br />
:''[Cut to a street sweeper-like vehicle cleaning up the rings around a planet.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Those dirty rings. I tried soaking them out, even blasting them out.</poem><br />
:''[The Camper stops near the cleaning vehicle. Leela and Frida emerge and pour sugar in the fuel filler.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Are you sure about this? It would be better for propaganda if we weren't using refined sugar.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's okay. The potato we're shoving in the tailpipe is organic.</poem><br />
:''[She clogs the tail pipe and fly away. The cleaner breaks down.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': I smell sabotage. ''[He sniffs.]'' Ooh, and potatoes.</poem><br />
:''[The girls cheer as they fly away from the planet.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Now, unfortunately, the media is going to put a negative spin on this, like when we killed that guy, so to win public support, we'll need a lovable mascot.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Zoidberg is in a room alone with the muck leech. It is in a glass terrarium in the lounge at Planet Express.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': :''[He picks it up and laughs.]'' Squirm all you want, you nasty dumpling. One less species for the universe, one more breakfast for...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Zoidberg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Leela. Me saving things the leech. Not the eating of it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Zoidberg, I'm very surprised at you, slightly.</poem><br />
:''[Leela lets the leech clamp onto her arm and Zoidberg stares, then slurps at it. Cut to Leela leaving Planet Express.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Psst! Leela.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Shh! I'm a fugitive.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I know. I miss you so much, Leela, even more than when you were here.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I miss you, too, Fry. And you probably think what I'm doing is wrong. But it's something I really care about...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You don't have to explain, Leela. You're you. That's all I need to know.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Goodbye, sweet goofbag.</poem><br />
:''[She walks over to the Camper, knocks twice and gets pulled in. They fly away. Zoom out of just Fry standing on the sidewalk to show Zoidberg and Bender are there as well.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Bender''': :''[He sighs.]'' I'll miss her, too, buddy. Dibs on her iPod.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Dibs on her- ohh...</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is walking through the streets of New New York. He comes upon Hutch drinking a bottle of wine in an alley.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Hey, Fry! Long time, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, Hutch! What have you been up to?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Same old, same old. Searching the dumpsters, protecting my thoughts with tin foil, peeing myself.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So, what brings you to Earth?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': It's top secret. Hey, take off your helmet and I'll think it to you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Okay. Here goes.</poem><br />
:''[Fry removes his hat and is bottled by Hutch. Hutch walks over to a dumpster, knocks twice and it mechanically opens. There is a bright light emitted from it. He throws Fry's limp body in and follows. The lid closes as he gets in. Cut to Fry waking up on a mattress.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Where are you? And me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': The Great Hall of the Ancient Legion of Madfellows. Welcome, bro.</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Welcome, bro.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Sorry I bashed your head in, buddy, but I had to. You see, the fate of the universe depends on you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yeah, I get that a lot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': The Grand Curator will tell you more.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Take me to him.</poem><br />
:''[He is the man behind Hutch.]''<br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Hey, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': So dig this, Fry. Our commune has been monitoring the universe's life energy for, like, a really long time, and we're grokking some super weird junk.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Um, I don't mean to be rude, but it's kind of hard to take you seriously when you say junk like "grok" and "junk."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''' : What about "commune"?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Especially "commune." Come on, it's the fate of the universe, puff it up a little. Like you could say your ancient order is sensing deep upheaval in the cosmic life energy field.</poem><br />
:''[Everybody murmurs.]''<br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Okay. I'll try. So, like, a really, really long time ago... ''[Fry motions "longer" with his hands.]'' Eons ago! ''[Fry gives a thumbs up and he giggles.]'' Cool. Eons ago, the life force we call Chee permeated the universe. ''[He presses a button and a hologram is shown in the room.]'' The Green Chee generated a great upwelling of life across the cosmos. But then, for reasons unknown...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Ooh. "Reasons unknown." Now that's the sort of hook that grabs the attention of me, the viewer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': For reasons unknown...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Nice.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': ...the Chee began to recede, and the diversity of life began to wither. The life forms we know today are but a fraction of a fraction of the magnificence that once existed.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': But a bunch of dudes, right, they totally passed this far-out knowledge down through the ages.</poem><br />
:''[The holograms shows previous Madfellows proclaiming the word with their tin foil hats on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator (VO)''': Some with this knowledge were called prophets, some, fruitcakes. We, the Legion of Madfellows, are their heirs.</poem><br />
:''[The current Legion of Madfellows is shown in the hologram.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, I'm on TV. ''[He waves.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Well, that's the show. ''[He turns off the hologram.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Neat. What's it got to do with me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Ahh, pooperdoodle! I mean, pardon the omission. You see, after untold eternities, we have sensed a resurgence in the Chee.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, that's the violet dwarf star that Leela wants to save.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Freaking nailed it, corndog.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': We believe this star heralds a new green age, and it's your destiny to be its shepherd and protector.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Me? Why?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': 'Cause you got, like, no delta brainwave, man. The Dark Ones can't groove off your thoughts.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Silence, Hutch! You shall learn more in time, Fry. But for now, let's just say we have enemies, enemies who can read minds, except yours. ''[He points with his foot.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Cool. I can't wait to tell Leela.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': No! If you tell anyone, then their thoughts could be read, and our enemies would know of our existence. For the sake of those you love, you must keep this secret. Do you foot-swear?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, okay. I foot-swear.</poem><br />
:''[They perform a "foot shake" agreeing to the terms.]''<br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Good. Now, to save the coming of the green age, you must stop this man.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong is shown on the hologram.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I know him. Leo Wong. I work with his daughter.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Oh, good, that will cut about 15 minutes of explanation. You must gain Wong's confidence, infiltrate his organization and prevent him from destroying the violet dwarf.</poem><br />
:''[Fry salutes the Grand Curator with his foot. The act is reciprocated.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is in Mr. Wong's office at the Wongminister Miniature Golf Club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Looking for a job, eh?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yes, sir. Nothing fancy. I'm willing to start at the bottom and infiltrate my way up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Sorry, no openings right now. '''(Telepathically)'': What I need is security guard to keep nutcases out of my office.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I'm good at keeping nutcases.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': I said no way. ''(Telepathically)'': Security guard gotta be tough. This idiot don't look like he could handle those feministas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I look like an idiot who can handle those feministas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr Wong (Telepathically)''': He'll have to do better than that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I'll have to do better than that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Hmm. You and I think a lot alike. You really think you can stand up to those eco-freakos?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sir, with me around, they'll be the least of your worries.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The 18th hole of Mr. Wong's course. It's a mess of tubes leading to the green from a giant plastic gorilla head.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Tester''': Stand by, men. And manly aliens. Prepare to test fire King Kong hole.</poem><br />
:''[The manly alien launches the ball at the gorilla. It goes into his mouth and comes out on the green, rolling into the hole for an ace.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': It workses.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tester''': Good job, men. And manly aliens. Construction of King Kong hole complete.</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas' camper is approaching in the background.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Typical. Always King Kong, never Queen... Quong.</poem><br />
:''[A few Feministas leap from the Camper onto the green and plant hooks in the turf and the bumper of their vehicle.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': What are those, hooks? Get out of heres, you hookers. This is my turfs.</poem><br />
:''[The Camper blats off from the green, pulling the turf with it and sending the asteroid, which the green was placed on, spinning out of control and smashing into the tubes.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': ''[He's flying through space.]'' Helpses!</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas cheer as they spray the gorilla head with make-up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You go, gorilla !</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A news broadcast. The vandalized gorilla is used as an image on the story.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Morbo]]''': Our top story. The string of eco-vandalism that began with a harmless vice-presidential killing has spread across the galaxy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Linda]]''': Why do you always get to read the top story, Morbo?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': Because viewers trust a deep male voice and huge, throbbing forehead veins. ''[They pulse in unison a few times.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Not all reaction to the crime spree has been negative. We spoke with several people who viewed these courageous eco-feminists as heroes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Petunia]]''': I just wish there was some way to... Excuse me. ''[She coughs roughly.]'' Some way to show I support 'em. Send them some smokes or something.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': So you make more than twice what I do. What? This just in: Root 2 News has received a video communique from the eco-feminists' unknown hideout.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': This is sub-commander L., den mother of the Feminista Revolutionary Collective, with a message for Leo Wong. Leo, you're a parasite on the universe, and parasites must be destroyed. That's why we've adopted this parasite as our mascot. ''[The leech snarls against the glass of its case.]'' I know it's a little confusing. The point is, even this vicious leech has a right to exist, because it's a part of nature. And that's why a vicious leech like Leo Wong must be exterminated. ''[The Feministas in the background cheer.]'' Again, confusing. We call on women everywhere to join our struggle against eco-chauvinist Leo Wong. We especially need good communique writers. Feministas unite! ''[They pound their breasts twice and throw their fists into the air while reciting that last bit.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': In other news- ''[Linda throws her high heel at his head and it becomes lodged in his ear.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Feministas unite!</poem></div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Commentary:Where_the_Buggalo_Roam&diff=49208Commentary:Where the Buggalo Roam2009-08-17T00:36:05Z<p>Mini-Me: /* Topics of Discussion */ That was Matt</p>
<hr />
<div>{{commentary infobox<br />
|prev ep=The Cyber House Rules <br />
|next ep= Insane in the Mainframe<br />
|name= Where the Buggalo Roam<br />
|image= [[Image:Where the Buggalo Roam.jpg|225px]]<br />
|number= 3ACV10<br />
|season= 3<br />
|disc= 2<br />
|parti A=Matt Groening<br />
|parti A job=Creator<br />
|parti B=David X. Cohen<br />
|parti B job=Executive producer<br />
|parti C=Pat Shinagawa<br />
|parti C job=Director<br />
|parti D=J. Stewart Burns<br />
|parti D job=Writer<br />
|parti E=John DiMaggio<br />
|parti E job=Actor ([[Bender]], misc.)<br />
|parti F=Billy West<br />
|parti F job=Actor ([[Fry]], misc.)<br />
}}<br />
<br />
==Commentary==<br />
===Topics of Discussion===<br />
*They note how they tend to take one city and use it to characterize and entire planet (based off the [[Wong Ranch]] characterizing all of [[Mars]] and having a "Wild West" theme.<br />
*They discuss how there are canals on Mars that they never address.<br />
*[[Billy West]] does not feel guilty about doing an overexaggerated Chinese accent for [[Leo Wong]].<br />
**Later, when [[Singing Wind]] is talking, they decide that Billy West likes doing "divisive voice"<br />
**Also, Singing Wind's voice is apparently based on that of West's gardener.<br />
*The [[Buggalo]] were voiced by numerous "mouth sounds" that overlapped one another.<br />
**Yet, [[David Cohen]] was certain that [[Maurice LaMarche]] did the voice for [[Betsy]], and jokingly added that it was the best voice he did.<br />
**The Buggalo were originally introduced in [[The Series Has Landed]] on [[The Moon]], and they discuss whether the Buggalo were native to Mars or the Moon, and which they migrated to. They agree it will be settled by the plot of the episode, but the topic never resurfaces.<br />
*This is [[Pat Shinagawa]]'s directorial debut on Futurama.<br />
*The censors had a problem with the smoking bits that involved [[Kif]] and [[R.J.]]<br />
**Specifically, the inclusion of [[Joe (camel)|Joe]], a character strikingly similar to [[Wikipedia:Joe Camel|Joe Camel]], was a point of dispute, but Cohen argued that his inclusion was meant to be satricial.<br />
*Following [[Bender]] burping within the episode, Cohen notes that [[John DiMaggio]] is a fantastic burper, better than Billy West.<br />
**Furthermore, they notice that they fall upon burping as a source of humor very frequently within the show.<br />
*They say how they got the acreage of half of Mars accurate, thus pleasing die hard fans on the internet.<br />
*Matt jumps the gun, quoting a Zapp line from the episode about 10 minutes before it is said.<br />
*Shinegawa says how the episode is nicely balanced between character focus, including [[Kif]], [[Amy]], [[Zapp]], [[Fry]], [[Leela]], and [[Bender]] very well.<br />
*[[Inez Wong]] wears a pot leaf on her hat.<br />
**Also, later in the episode, Amy hides in bushes that look suspiciously like pot. Nevertheless, Cohen jokes that it is a Martian plant called "poot."<br />
*Apparently, about 10 minutes of Martian exploration got cut from the episode.<br />
*They mention how Amy Wong is probably a sexual image to some fans, and misname [http://www.geocities.com/payndz2/amywears.html this website site] "Can't Get Enough Amy Wong."<br />
*[[Matt Groening]] launches into a lengthy story about Tuvan throat singing, and Tuvans who visited Los Angeles and apparently recording with Frank Zappa at some point.<br />
**This stemmed from the comparison of the [[Martian]] chanting to Tuvan throat singing.<br />
**[[Ken Keeler]], apparently, is a talented throat singer.<br />
*[[Zapp]]'s uniform was originally to be even more exaggerated, with a shorter bottom and taller boots.<br />
*After seeing and discussing the [[Mars#The Great Stone Face of Mars|Great Stone Face of Mars]], they discuss where or not there's life there.<br />
**Shinegawa thinks there is.<br />
**Cohen hopes there is, but doesn't think that's the case.<br />
**Stuart Burns jokingly mentions that, like in the episode, there might be life underground.<br />
*Shinegawa thinks that people won't understand the [[wikipedia:Iron Eyes Cody|Crying Indian]] reference.<br />
*They notice that, after the Martians abandon their planet because their bead was really a giant diamond, there is really no "message" within the episode.<br />
*There was originally a plot line where [[Kif]] became addicted to smoking based off the two times he did so within the episode.<br />
<br />
===Highlights / Quotes===<br />
*'''Cohen''': Do you feel guilty doing that over-the-top Chinese voice? <br/>'''West''': No, I'm into dividing everybody. I don't want anybody coming together.<br />
*'''Cohen''': The other day we were recording another episode with John DiMaggio, and he did the best burp I have ever heard in any situation, professional or amateur.<br />
*'''Burns''': Apparently we got the acreage [of half of Mars] right, so anybody who is listening to this part of the DVD probably got on the internet already and complented us on getting it right.<br />
*'''Cohen''': This is the guy the censor didn't like. The Camel-like alien. Kids love him. Now, my contention was that "kids love him" was a sarcastic or satirical comment on that type of character. The censor thought that we might just be saying that's it's cool to smoke.<br />
*'''DiMaggio''': Hey, man, you ever had that Martian poot, man? That's some serious stuff, man...<br />
*'''West''': See, I'm sure there's some young guys who have a crush on [Amy]. Because I had a crush on Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle, with all that cleavage...<br/>'''Cohen''': There's a website called "Can't Get Enough Amy Wong."<br/>'''Burns''': Does it have naked pictures of Amy Wong?<br/>'''Cohen''': I wouldn't know.<br/>'''Burns''': I've only been to the Fry site, so...<br />
*'''West''': We've spent a lot of time talking about Tuvans!<br />
*'''Cohen''': I guess it is a little weird to have people cheering at someone successfully smoking.<br />
<br />
===Related DVD Features===<br />
*Season 3, Disc 2<br />
**Where the Buggalo Roam, [[List of deleted scenes|deleted scene]]<br />
<br />
{{navigation bottom/commentary<br />
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}}</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Commentary:Spanish_Fry&diff=49207Commentary:Spanish Fry2009-08-17T00:25:36Z<p>Mini-Me: </p>
<hr />
<div>[[Category:Commentaries]][[Category:DVD Box Sets]]<br />
{{commentary infobox<br />
|prev ep=Three Hundred Big Boys<br />
|next ep=The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings<br />
|name= Spanish Fry<br />
|image= [[Image:Spanish Fry.JPG|225px]]<br />
|number=4ACV17<br />
|season=4<br />
|disc=4<br />
|parti A=Matt Groening<br />
|parti A job=Creator<br />
|parti B=David X. Cohen<br />
|parti B job=Executive producer<br />
|parti C=Rich Moore<br />
|parti C job=Supervising director<br />
|parti D=Ron Weiner<br />
|parti D job=Writer<br />
|parti E=Peter Avanzino<br />
|parti E job=Director<br />
|parti F=John DiMaggio<br />
|parti F job=Actor ([[Bender]], misc.)<br />
|parti G=Maurice LaMarche<br />
|parti G job=Actor ([[Morbo]], [[Lrrr]], [[Human horn dealer]], misc.)<br />
}}<br />
===Topics of Discussion===<br />
*This episode had not yet aired at the time of this recording. [[Ron Weiner|Ron]] estimated an August 13, 2003 air date, it turned out to be July 13, 2003.<br />
*[[Billy West|Billy]] and [[John DiMaggio|John]]'s intro beat box.<br />
*Dirtiest episode that they'd made.<br />
*The writers tried, and failed, to write an episode about [[Barbados Slim]].<br />
*Instead of using any term for "lower horn" the commentators constantly make stupid noises.<br />
**There was a debate about whether the "lower horn" on nose should be removed by poachers.<br />
*There had been a [[Bigfoot]] reference in {{es|4ACV09}} until this episode became about Bigfoot.<br />
*Last of the [[Episode_Commentary_Listing#Season_4|4ACV commentary recordings]], they are recorded out of sequence.<br />
**This gives everybody in the room a very "high energy."<br />
*Ron always has dancing in episodes.<br />
*[[Philip J. Fry|Fry]]'s rants.<br />
*Pointing out the unusual presence on a ''Windows'' joke, given that they usually have ''Mac'' jokes.<br />
*The saucer is in reference to one from ''Close Encounters''.<br />
*[[Turanga Leela|Leela]] might be an alcoholic.<br />
*John forgot the possum was voiced by him.<br />
*Fry was originally going to look at his reflection on [[Bender]]'s "shiny metal ass", but the episode was already too dirty, and it was a little awkward to do.<br />
*It is proportionally harder to animate aliens based on how many more arms there are.<br />
*Mentioning the items in ''The Beast With Two Bucks''.<br />
*The voice over by Leela while watching the security camera footage, was added later in the process after deciding that they needed someone to identify [[Lrrr]] by name earlier in the episode.<br />
**This is the biggest episode for Lrrr and [[Ndnd]]. He is always shown to be not quite on top of things.<br />
*"My nose, light of my face" is in reference to a line in ''Lolita''.<br />
*Pine trees may have been cloned since [[Xmas Story]].<br />
*Lots of humans in cages on wheels.<br />
*Design of Bigfoot.<br />
*An early version required the [[Omicronians]] to attack the [[Earth]] to get excitement back in their romance.<br />
*Bigfoot's walking scene is taken from the ''[[wikipedia:Patterson-Gimlin film|Patterson-Gimlin film]]''<br />
*The ''[[The Scary Door]]'' episode on the credits had been cut from [[The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz|another episode]] due to length.<br />
<br />
===Highlights / Quotes===<br />
*'''Ron Weiner''' ''[about Bender]'': He's so damn cute.<br />
*'''Rich Moore''': We saved so much money not having to draw Fry with a nose.<br/>'''David''': Reduced your pencil mileage, as they say.<br />
*'''Rich Moore''': What?! "This device was enjoyable to think about"?<br />
*'''John DiMaggio''': Even Matt's laughing at that. That's how stupid that is. You do it enough, it finally gets you. That's the way my style of comedy is. I shove it right down your throat!<br/>'''Rich Moore''': Johnny D. style.<br/>'''John DiMaggio''': Whoa, relax! It's comin.'<br />
*'''Unknown''': Seemingly good naturalists are bad and seemingly bad monsters are good.<br />
<!--<br />
===Goofs===<br />
--><br />
<br />
===Related DVD Features===<br />
*The holographic nose sequence, seen in the deleted scenes on the DVD, was apparently removed, to David's surprise, by [[Paul Caulder]].<br />
<br />
{{navigation bottom/commentary<br />
|prev ep=Three Hundred Big Boys<br />
|next ep=The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings<br />
}}</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Commentary:That%27s_Lobstertainment!&diff=49206Commentary:That's Lobstertainment!2009-08-17T00:18:42Z<p>Mini-Me: Record date</p>
<hr />
<div>[[Category:Commentaries]][[Category:DVD Box Sets]]<br />
{{commentary infobox<br />
|prev ep=The Day the Earth Stood Stupid<br />
|next ep=The Cyber House Rules<br />
|name= That's Lobstertainment!<br />
|recorded=June 2002<br />
|image=[[Image:30th Century Fox.png|225px]]<br />
|number=3ACV08<br />
|season=3<br />
|disc=2<br />
|parti A=Matt Groening<br />
|parti A job=Creator<br />
|parti B=David X. Cohen<br />
|parti B job=Executive producer<br />
|parti C=Rich Moore<br />
|parti C job=Supervising director<br />
|parti D=Patric M. Verrone<br />
|parti D job=Writer<br />
|parti E=Bret Haaland<br />
|parti E job=Director<br />
|parti F=John DiMaggio<br />
|parti F job=Actor ([[Bender]], misc.)<br />
}}<br />
===Topics of Discussion===<br />
*Usual discussion of who-voiced-who.<br />
*[[Humorbot 5.0]] returning in a later episode.<br />
*The various sources of inspirations for [[Harold Zoid]]'s old holo film.<br />
*There was discussion about where the ink should be coming from, but they decided that it should be vague.<br />
*Hank Azaria met [[David X. Cohen]] while at the recording studio used for both ''The Simpsons'' and ''[[Futurama]]'' and mentioned loving [[Dr. John A. Zoidberg|Zoidberg]]'s voice and requesting to voice a relative of some kind.<br />
**Listing various ''Simpsons'' actors who've been on ''Futurama''.<br />
*[[Dave Herman]] did the temporary voice for Zoid.<br />
**[[John DiMaggio|DiMaggio]] jokingly complains that Herman's version wasn't used.<br />
*Harold Zoid's name (and Zoidberg) is based on a game Cohen wrote, similar to his favourite game ''[[Wikipedia:Qix|Qix]]'', for the Apple 2 in assembly called Zoid, as well as actor Harold Lloyd.<br />
**[[Matt Groening]] later bought Cohen a Qix machine as a present, it no longer works.<br />
*Mentioned the fan reception of this episode as the worst ever and that the rating on [http://gotfuturama.com gotfuturama.com] was 58/100.<br />
**One forum member reportedly bashed it at every opertunity, until [[Patric M. Verrone|Patric]] emailed to find out what was wrong with it, at which point he claimed the episode was okay.<br />
**Script notes in the early stages included (from Patric himself) "the first act is over joked and the third is under and some where in the middle I lost [[Philip J. Fry|Fry]] and [[Turanga Leela|Leela]]". David noted the possibility of needing a C-story runner for Fry and Leela.<br />
*Old titles included "Zoidberg goes to Hollywood" and "Zoiddy goes to Hollywood".<br />
*The audience pan was sped up from 15 seconds to 2 seconds to save time but keep the animations.<br />
*Apparently the ''Star Trek'' nominated for product placement was actually ''Star Wreck''.<br />
<br />
{{navigation bottom/commentary<br />
|prev ep=The Day the Earth Stood Stupid<br />
|next ep=The Cyber House Rules<br />
}}</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Table:Staff_page&diff=49205Table:Staff page2009-08-17T00:14:19Z<p>Mini-Me: /* Staff pages */ AH!</p>
<hr />
<div><!-- do not remove this. --><br />
{{conference table thread}}<br />
<!-- Please always sign your comments with four tildes --><br />
<br />
== Staff pages ==<br />
<br />
<br />
Is it just me or do we not have one? I realize writers (at least the creators of the first drafts) change from show to show, but almost everything else remains unchanged. I'd be able to find/deduce the positions and their occupants, but I'm not the greatest when it comes to making pages. If somebody would be willing to make a page with a table or whatever you believe will look best, I'd be ready to fill out all of the info on the subject. I don't think I'm the only one researching commentaries to find out who does what regarding the production of the show (or maybe I am). -[[User:Mini-Me|Mini-Me]] 23:52, 16 August 2009 (UTC)<br />
:Goodness, there is one! It's not very articulate though. For example, Bari Kumar is a Colour Stylist, not an animator. He's involved in the animation process more than any of the other stages, but still, not an animator. Would I screw anything up if I change his (and others) categories? -[[User:Mini-Me|Mini-Me]] 00:14, 17 August 2009 (UTC)</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Hypnotoad&diff=49204Hypnotoad2009-08-16T23:56:48Z<p>Mini-Me: Clear this up a little.</p>
<hr />
<div>{{character infobox<br />
|name=Hypnotoad<br />
|type=s<br />
|image=[[Image:Hypno-Toad.jpg|225px]]<br />
|image text='''ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD!'''<br />
|age=<br />
|species=Toad<br />
|origin=<br />
|first appear={{elink|3ACV07|The Day the Earth Stood Stupid}}<br />
|job=Producer, director, writer, etc. at ''[[Everybody Loves Hypnotoad]]''<br />
}}<br />
[[Image:All Glory to the Hypno Toad.gif|thumb|left|Hypnotoad on show]]<br />
The '''Hypnotoad''' is a large toad with oscillating multicolored eyes. While hypnotizing someone, it makes a loud buzzing noise. It can hypnotize anything at will, including an entire crowd of humans. It once used its ability at a pet show to hypnotize sheep and cheated by hypnotizing the judges. The Hypnotoad has its own show called ''[[Everybody Loves Hypnotoad]]'', which, according to [[Philip J. Fry|Fry]], has been going downhill since season three.<br />
==Additional Info==<br />
===Trivia=== <br />
*A full 22-minute episode of ''Everybody Loves Hypnotoad'' was featured on the DVD release of the film {{flink|Bender's Big Score}}.<br />
*It's eyes are naturally green colored. However they do not automatically revert to green the moment it stops hypnotizing.<br />
*The noise used is an auditory notice played when a button is pressed erroneously in the editing program the show uses, a product from Avid. An unnamed editor, most likely audio editor Paul Calder, titled it "Angry Machine" and looped it for the Hypnotoad. It was originally a temporary sound, but the audience and staff both liked it.<br />
<br />
===Appearances===<br />
*{{elink|3ACV07|The Day the Earth Stood Stupid}}<br />
*{{elink|4ACV06|Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television}}<br />
*{{flink|Bender's Big Score}}<br />
*{{flink|Into the Wild Green Yonder}}<br />
*{{esplink|3H312|Everybody Loves Hypnotoad: "Amazon Adventure"|Everybody Loves Hypnotoad#Episode 3H312: "Amazon Adventure"}}<br />
*{{clink|US#043|Welcome to my Nightmall}}</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Table:Staff_page&diff=49203Table:Staff page2009-08-16T23:52:52Z<p>Mini-Me: Created page with '<!-- do not remove this. --> {{conference table thread}} <!-- Please always sign your comments with four tildes --> == Staff pages == Is it just me or do we not have one? I r...'</p>
<hr />
<div><!-- do not remove this. --><br />
{{conference table thread}}<br />
<!-- Please always sign your comments with four tildes --><br />
<br />
== Staff pages ==<br />
<br />
<br />
Is it just me or do we not have one? I realize writers (at least the creators of the first drafts) change from show to show, but almost everything else remains unchanged. I'd be able to find/deduce the positions and their occupants, but I'm not the greatest when it comes to making pages. If somebody would be willing to make a page with a table or whatever you believe will look best, I'd be ready to fill out all of the info on the subject. I don't think I'm the only one researching commentaries to find out who does what regarding the production of the show (or maybe I am). -[[User:Mini-Me|Mini-Me]] 23:52, 16 August 2009 (UTC)</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Commentary:The_Day_the_Earth_Stood_Stupid&diff=49198Commentary:The Day the Earth Stood Stupid2009-08-16T23:07:34Z<p>Mini-Me: </p>
<hr />
<div>[[Category:Commentaries]][[Category:DVD Box Sets]]<br />
{{commentary infobox<br />
|prev ep=Bendless Love<br />
|next ep=That's Lobstertainment!<br />
|name=The Day the Earth Stood Stupid<br />
|image= [[Image:The Day the Earth Stood Stupid.jpg|225px]]<br />
|number= 3ACV07<br />
|recorded=August 13, 2002<br />
|season=1<br />
|disc=2<br />
|parti A=Matt Groening<br />
|parti A job=Creator<br />
|parti B=David X. Cohen<br />
|parti B job=Executive producer<br />
|parti C=Rich Moore<br />
|parti C job=Supervising director<br />
|parti D=Jeff Westbrook<br />
|parti D job=Writer<br />
|parti E=Brian Sheesley<br />
|parti E job=Guest director<br />
|parti F=John DiMaggio<br />
|parti F job=Actor ([[Bender]], misc.)<br />
|parti G=Billy West<br />
|parti G job=Actor ([[Fry]], [[Zoidberg]], misc.)<br />
|parti H=Tress MacNeille<br />
|parti H job=Actress ([[Linda]], misc.)<br />
}}<br />
===Topics of Discussion===<br />
*[[List of Planets#Twennis 12|Twennis 12]] has a brilliant explosion.<br />
*How Tress likes ham.<br />
*The character of the [[Hypnotoad]].<br />
**The Hypnotoad is everyone's favourite character.<br />
**The Hypnotoad is voiced by 'the Angry Machine'.<br />
*How the animators drew the invisible dog.<br />
*[[Dave Spiegel and Fluffers]] appear in both episodes written by [[Patric M. Verrone]].<br />
*The episode has great music.<br />
*In high school [[David X. Cohen|David]] drew a cartoon about flying stomachs which was the idea for the [[Brain Spawn|Flying Brains]].<br />
*[[Frank Welker]]'s voice<br />
**How he voices most animals on the show.<br />
**He voices [[Nibbler]]'s animal and speaking voice.<br />
*This is the first time [[Alien Languages|AL1]] and [[Alien Languages|AL2]] appear in the same shot.<br />
*They discuss [[Alien Languages|AL2]].<br />
**Jeff actually came up with the idea of AL" and designed it.<br />
*It is hard to animate tattoos on cartoon characters.<br />
*If Hertfordshire actually is where Pride and Prejudice is set.<br />
*There are many gruesome shots in the show.<br />
<br />
===Highlights / Quotes===<br />
*'''Tress MacNeille:''' That is awesome.<br />
*'''John DiMaggio:''' Ha no pooping.<br />
*'''David X. Cohen:''' Tress I know what I'm getting you for Christmas.<br>'''Tress MacNeille:''' What?<br>'''David X. Cohen:''' A ham.<br />
*'''Tress MacNeille:''' I can put my legs behind my head.<br />
*'''Jeff Westbrook:''' Yummy Tummy.<br />
*'''Billy West:''' If you say Libary instead of Library then you're a Jerk.<br />
<br />
===Other Commentary Reference===<br />
*They mention that the Hypnotoad is voiced by 'the Angry Machine' in [[Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television (commentary)]]<br />
<br />
{{navigation bottom/commentary<br />
|prev ep=Bendless Love<br />
|next ep=That's Lobstertainment!<br />
}}</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Transcript:Into_the_Wild_Green_Yonder&diff=48924Transcript:Into the Wild Green Yonder2009-08-14T17:34:36Z<p>Mini-Me: </p>
<hr />
<div>{{transcript infobox<br />
|for=Into the Wild Green Yonder<br />
|thanks to=Mini-Me<br />
|prev ep= Bender's Game Part 4<br />
|prev film=Bender's Game<br />
}}<br />
<br />
{{working|Mini-Me}}<br />
<br />
:''[Pan over space, planets and meteors.]''<br />
:''[Caption: BLACK DWARF SYSTEM - DEEPEST SPACE]''<br />
:''[A green light claps in them middle of the screen and a pulsing, green ripple expands outward. Cut to a violet star.]''<br />
:''[Caption: VIOLET DWARF SYSTEM - SLIGHTLY DEEP SPACE]''<br />
:''[One of the green waves passes over the system and the planets all glow a light green. Zoom into the largest celestial body in the system and into a bubbling pool of liquid in a crater where a strand of DNA is formed. The strand fades into a roller coaster track in Mars Vegas. Some of the Planet Express crew and other characters fly across the screen in a roller coaster car. A parody of the "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas" sign says "Welcome to Fabulous Mars Vegas."]''<br />
<br />
:''[The opening credits start, with a theme song that is almost exclusively tubular bells.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Seth MacFarlane]] (singing)''': You and I will be reborn,<br />
In a future place and time,<br />
If everything our Hindu brethren say is true.<br />
In an age of things that hover,<br />
You and I will still be lovers,<br />
And we'll say to ourselves<br />
That was then and this is, too.<br />
'Cause we'll still find the happening hot spots,<br />
We'll still cruise the cool casinos.<br />
You'll still fly me to the moon,<br />
Although the moon to which you fly me,<br />
Could be Phobos or Deimos.<br />
The psychic worms from Rigel Nine,<br />
Who control everything we do,<br />
Will make us think that was then,<br />
And 3010 is exactly the same as 1962.<br />
Don't expect any changes, my friend,<br />
That was then and this is, too.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A hover grand stand is filled with a crowd of people who overlook Mars Vegas from far away.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Bender]]''': Wow, Mars Vegas. Long live the eternal city.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Leo and Inez Wong|Mr. Wong]]''': Two, one, zero!</poem><br />
:''[He pushes down a plunger and Mars Vegas is levelled by a large explosion.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Rest in hell, Crapville!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A large worm moves through the desert of Mars.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Leo and Inez Wong|Mrs. Wong]]''': Out here in the desert, we’re gonna build bigger, better Vegas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Bathtubs size of oceans, hookers size of bouncers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He blubbers.]'' Hamburger!</poem><br />
:''[The worm has stopped at a station.]''<br />
<poem>'''Worm Announcer''': Stand clear of the closing jaws.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The group stands in a construction site of a new hotel.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yo, you need any girders bent, I know a guy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Amy Wong]]''': So what's gonna be over there, Dad?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': That? That the oasis. ''[A bulldozer destroys a small area of trees and grass. A tree was missed, so a man sets it on fire with a flame thrower.]'' Future site of Oasis Hotel. ''[He laughs.]'' Take that, you stupid Mother Nature.</poem><br />
: ''[A car door closes. Pan over to the Feministas standing behind the caution perimeter with protest signs.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Frida Waterfall]]''': Okay. Let's hit him hard.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feministas''': This land is your land. This land is my land</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Fry]]''': Who are you noisy women?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': I'm Frida Waterfall, leader of the Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, and we will not let you man-doze this beautiful gyno-desert.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Well, I'm Leo Wong, and I say, "Boom!"</poem><br />
:''[He pushes down a plunger and the Feministas are send flying into the air from an explosion. Everybody else laughs as they fall back to the surface. Frida lands on Fry and it is revealed that her Femi-necklace has lodged in his brain. Everybody gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Hey, what happened to my femi-necklace? And where's my mega-fem?</poem><br />
:''[The megaphone hits her in the head and she is knocked out. Zoidberg rushes to Fry with a stethoscope.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Professor Farnsworth]]''': Is he badly hurt, Dr. Zoidberg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Zoidberg]]''': I don't quite know how to say this. ''(Sobbing:)'' Fry is dead!</poem><br />
:''[Everybody starts sobbing, but then Fry groans and wakes up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Wait, not dead. The other thing.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Damn eco-broads! You can't even spray for eagles without upsetting these kooks. ''[He sprays a tree and two eagles fall out, then a cave man falls out.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Leela]]''': Now, hang on. Before you do construction, don't you have to make sure you're not harming any native species?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': You mean, cursory environmental survey? Already done! By top scientist.</poem><br />
:''[He interrupts Farnsworth counting a wad of cash.]''<br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Err, what? Oh, my, yes. You've got the go-ahead, Mr. Wong. This place is deader than last year's cat.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, it's not! There's precious life right here in this scum puddle. ''[He holds up a desert muck leech.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ah! Cyprinodon martius. The desert muck leech. Amazingly, the entire species lives in this one tiny stink hole. ''(To Mr. Wong:)'' Killing these will be so much easier than exterminating those ponies.</poem><br />
:''[He imitates a pony, then imitates a machine gun, then imitates a dying pony.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Wait a second. Leeches may not be cuddly like pandas or tribbles, but these poor endangered creatures deserve... ''[She pets the leech, it makes a noise and then it bites and clamps onto her neck.]'' Get off me! ''[She throws it to the ground.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'll get it with my trusty foot cups: Stompy and Smashy.</poem><br />
:''[Bender tries repeatedly to squish the creature, but Leela bends over to stop him from trying.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, don't kill it! We have to...</poem><br />
:''[When she bends over, the leech bites onto her neck again. She runs off-screen screaming. Mr. Wong is seen pouring a bag of Poison Cement into the hole the leech came from. He then directs a large parking lot paving machine to roll over the area.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': There. They're not endangered anymore. They're extinct. ''[He chuckles.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, they're not. I saved this one. And I'm gonna raise it and care for it, so the world will forever know what it's lost. ''[The leech then bites her eye and she screams.]'' You freaking slime wad! ''[She pulls is off her eye and stomps on it, then stops.]'' No. I killed it. It was the last of its kind. ''[The creature comes back to life and bites onto her knee.]'' Mother-''(bleep)''. Let go of me, you... ''[She holds her leg up and fries the leech with a laser from her Wristlomojacker.]'' Poor thing.</poem><br />
:''[It flies back at her neck and clamps on again. She screams as the camera pans over the Mr. Wong and Fry. Mr. Wong kicks Fry's leg twice to wake him up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Tell you what, Fry. You all promise not to sue me, I give you token for free entry in poker tournament. ''[He slips a poker chip into Fry's pocket on his shirt while Fry is still somewhat unconscious.]'' He took it, you all saw it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Maybe we did, maybe we didn't. ''[Leela runs across the screen behind them, battling the leech still.]'' What's in it for me, Bender?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Okay, okay. Come back when New Vegas opens, I give you all free rooms, free dinner and free tickets to Celine Dion.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Lose the Celine Dion tickets and you got yourself a deal.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': All right, damn it, done!</poem><br />
:''[The crew cheers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All right, I scored.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Wong Hotel & Casino is completed. The crew is playing a row of slot machines.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Look out, Vegas, I've got a system. ''[He inserts a quarter and pulls the lever while laughing. The rolls of the machine land on "OUT OF ORDER," "OUT OF ORDER" and "NO REFUNDS."]'' Oh. I'm bankrupt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He chuckles.]'' You said it, Hermes. He is pathetic, but lovable.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Yup. What? I said no such thing, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I am not acting weird, Leela. Why is everyone talking at once?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Fry, calm down and stop braining.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Yeah, Fry, maybe you need to-</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You're right, Amy! Maybe I do need some fresh air.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Man, I'm worried about him. But not enough to stop gambling for even a single second.</poem><br />
:''[He uses his quarter on a string to scam the slot machine and pulls on the lever. He gets three Leo Wong heads.]''<br />
<poem>'''Three Leos on the Machine''': You win, damn it!</poem><br />
:''[Quarters are dispensed from the machine as bells are going off.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He laughs.]'' It's all in the wrist. ''[He unscrews his hand from his wrist and sucks up the quarters like a vacuum. He sucks quarters out of Farnsworth's pocket as well.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A street in Mars Vegas. Traffic has filled the streets. Cut to Fry's eyes as he walks down the sidewalk of pedestrians.]''<br />
<br />
:''[There is overlapping chatter.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Voices always yelling. Who - who said that? I'm not insane. Stop it. Stop talking in me!</poem><br />
:''[Fry runs into a close alley.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Hutch Waterfall]]''': Voices bothering you, man? I've been there. You need one of these doodangs. ''[He taps on his foil hat.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Over the chatter)''': A foil hat? Of course, he likes pastrami. What about the dog's testicles? ''[Hutch puts his foil hat on Fry's head and the voices quiet.]'' Hey, it worked. The voices stopped.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': They've got a huge selection of carburetors... Hang on. Hang on. ''[He searches through a dumpster for a new hat and finds one with some pizza stuck to it.]'' That's better. My name's Hutch.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hi, Hutch. So what's with the obnoxious, shrieking voices? Are my fillings picking up The View?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': No, man. Truth is, it's other people's thoughts. You're a mind reader.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Although, actually, it was sort of obvious.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': You don't believe me? Take off the helmet.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I believe you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Seriously, do it. ''[Fry sighs and takes his hat off.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': Testing, testing. Do you read me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Loud and clear.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': What?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I said, "Loud and clear." Only I said it with my thinker, not my talker.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Whoa! Freaky. Why can't I read your thoughts?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I don't know. Wait. What's that about a secret society?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Never mind that. Just keep the foil on and you'll be okay. Also, it'll keep the Dark Ones from incinerating your brain.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That's a plus.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': And don't ever, ever, ever tell anyone you can read minds, or the Dark Ones will get you like that. ''[He poorly snaps his fingers.]'' Hang on, pizza grease. Like that. ''[He snaps his fingers and Fry let's out a concerned wail.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Many robots are walking into a theatre that is presenting Gearotica. In the theatre, robot performers are lowered from the ceiling and dance with the music.]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Clamps]]''': Jeez, get a load of the batteries on her. I'd like to get my clamps on those. Give her a jump, you know what I mean? ''[He laughs alone.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Donbot]]''': Whoa, whoa. Show some decorum there, Clamps. This ain't no strip show. This is a beguiling display of the pornographic arts.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Joey Mousepad]]''': Yo, Skip, I can see a guy's butt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael's Wife''': Oh, Michael, this is the perfect end to a perfect honeymoon.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': I love you so much.</poem><br />
:''[They move in to kiss, but Bender lands between them.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Is this seat taken?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': Actually, we...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Slide me those chicken wings. So what part of Podunk you rubes from?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': The north-eastern.</poem><br />
:''[Bender belches fire after drinking a bottle of red wine.]''<br />
:''[Two robots on stage move their hips on a gear until they are close enough to exchange a compact disc from one slot to another. The crowd applauds.]''<br />
<poem>'''Announcer''': Monsieurs et mademoiselles, our circus of the senses now arrives by steamboat in New Orleans, circa 2873. The muted lament of a trombone resonates through the fog, which lingers even now, months after the attack of the fog monster. With but one hope of restoring Gearoticus to his throne, our sensual fate rests in the gyrations of... Fanny.</poem><br />
:''[Fog covers the stage, but is blown away by the air movement from Fanny's fan, which is fixed to her rear end.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh. ''[He stops eating and watches Fanny move her fan around on stage. He stammers and his eyes extend out of his head to zoom in. They extend out farther, then his antenna extends and the woman next to him gasps.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Bender is scatting as he walks toward Fanny's dressing room door with flowers hidden behind him. He knocks on the door and Fanny answers.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Fanny]]''': Yes?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm Bender. Let's do it. ''[He holds out the flowers.]''</poem><br />
:''[The two stare at each other for a few seconds until the Donbot comes out of the dressing room with his gun cocked and pointed at Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Who is it, the Feds?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He gasps.]'' Aren't you the Donbot, head of the Robot Mafia?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Allegedly. And this is my beloved wife, Fanny, whose honor I would proudly defend with a power drill. Well, I gotta go drown a stoolie.</poem><br />
:''[As soon as the bathroom door closes Bender and Fanny start kissing, Fanny's fan is spinning. Suddenly the Donbot opens the door and Bender and Fanny quickly separate]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': I'm gonna be in here a while, so do me a favor and drive my wife home. It's one of them self-driving cars, so just sit in the back and do whatever.</poem><br />
:''[They start kissing again. Fanny twangs Bender's antenna.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Oh, Bender, your lips are intoxicating. It's like kissing an ashtray full of hot wings.</poem><br />
:''[They resume kissing and fall to the floor.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender (As if he were speaking through a fan)''': Aww yeahh!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is peacefully walking down a street. He stops and lift his hat off. The voices grow louder and louder until he puts his hat back on.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': My God, I really can read minds. I have a superpower! There must be something great I can do with this.</poem><br />
:''[He gasps. Cut to Fry standing in front of a Women's locker room door. He removes his hat and quickly walks in.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hello, ladies, I can read your thoughts. ''[Punches are heard and Fry is thrown out of the room.]'' Oh, wait, that's invisibility.</poem><br />
:''[Fry walks by a banner for Leo's Poker Tournament, back tracks to it and gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Poker. With my mind-reading abilities and my invisibility... Wait, no, just the mind reading. I can't lose!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sign me up for the tournament, please.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Administrator''': Okey-doke, Jiffy Pop. Entry fee's 50,000 smackers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': 50,000? Drat, all I have is my life savings and a token for free admission to this poker tournament.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Administrator''': Close enough. ''[He puts the wad of cash in his breast pocket.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': "ELZAR'S AT THE WONG" - The crew plus Fanny is occupying a booth in the restaurant.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': You're having an affair with the head of the robot mafia's wife?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (Off-screen)''': Yup, this is her I'm making out with.</poem><br />
:''[The entire table is shown, Bender and Fanny are laying in the center of it kissing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Bender, are you crazy?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No, it's Fry who's crazy in this one.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Psht, I'm not crazy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You sure you're okay, Fry? I mean, you do have tin foil on your head.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So? You've got a leech on your neck. Oh, and speaking of sucking on your neck, want to go to a movie later?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Elzar]]''': Hey, there! How are you folks doing tonight?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Great. What are the specials?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Elzar''': Well, let's see now. We've got a wonderful grizzly bear that's been dipped in cornmeal and lightly tormented. Questions?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': What was the bear's name?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Elzar''': Jojo.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Ooh, I'll have him.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the entrance of the restaurant, Donbot, Joey Mousepad and Clamps walk in. Fanny gasps, Bender yelps and moves half of his head into his body.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hide me!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': Hey, Donbot, ain't that your wife what with you had that wedding with?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': ''[While sauntering over to Donbot looking rather bloated.]'' Donbot, honey! What a pleasant shock! I was just having dinner alone, when suddenly you walk in on us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Alone, huh?</poem><br />
:''[Her body groans and Bender comes shooting out of her chest cavity.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Where am I? I was exploring a wormhole through space many light years from this restaurant, when suddenly I was surrounded by darkness. '''(To Fanny:)''' Hot, sexy darkness. ''[He purrs sensually.]'' Oh, why, hello, Donbot! Hello, miss, have we met? ''[He shakes Fanny's hand.]'' I'm Bender. The world's most sexual robot. I mean, the world's most boundary-respecting robot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Nice to see you, Bender. Welcome back to our universe. Listen, sugar, I stuck up the Burlington Coat Factory and got you a little something. It's a $49 value.</poem><br />
:''[He puts a white fur coat on her and she spins her fan and squeals with delight.]''<br />
<poem>'''Danny''': Donbot, I love you! '''(To Bender:)''' Not really.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Man, this is great! I always wanted to nail a dame in a fur coat, and now's my chance. ''[He catches himself.]'' I mean, if you'll introduce me to one, sir. '''(To Fanny:)''' One as sexy as you, baby! Bender out. ''[He struts away while humming/scatting. Zoom on Donbot's eyes, they squint, showing Donbot is onto Bender.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''[Establishing shot of the Wong Hotel & Casino. '''Scene''': Fanny and Bender walk through the Casino.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': I never felt so alive, Bender. Listen, this turquoise-encrusted bra is worth 50 grand. Let's sell it and run off before the Donbot gets wise.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He sighs.]'' No. It will take a lot more money than that to make a girl like you happy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': No, it won't.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yeah, it will. Shut up! We'll run off, but not till after I win the Universal Poker Championship! ''[He raises his hand to reveal his plan, reaches into Fanny's bosom, rips out the bra and slams it on the Administrator's counter.]'' One entry, please.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Bender, no! You can't beat the best players in the universe. You're not lucky enough.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh, no? I'm 40% lucky. ''[He bangs on his chest twice.]'' The scrap metal I'm made from included a truckload of horseshoes from the luckiest racehorses in Mexico, who had just been sent to a glue factory.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': They don't sound so lucky to me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Not without their shoes.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The [[The Hip Joint Janitor|Hip Joint Janitor]] walks up to the railing of a casino that has a "Dancing Fountains" display in front of it. He dumps a bottle of Diet Slurm and a pack of Mentos into the water and the show begins. Pan over to Bender, who is getting his foot cups polished by a machine. He is cheerfully humming again and Fanny walks up to him.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Here, Bendy, take this. It will give you 70% more luck. It's the Donbot's lucky robot's foot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All right! With two kinds of luck, I can't lose.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No, wait, three. I stepped on a leprechaun.</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad and Clamps stop in their car when they see Bender and Fanny together.]''<br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': Yo, you see this over here over there?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': I'm powering up the clamps.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': An old store titled "SMALL BILL'S LAUNDERING." The mafia trio sit in the back of the shop.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let us not rush to judgment.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': But, Skip, that was your lucky robot's foot what came off of your lucky leg.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': ''[He turns his chair to the side and shows his missing appendage.]'' While it is true that I did wake up with only one foot this morning, there is no proof that my beloved Fanny was involved. Aside from the hacksaw I found under her pillow.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': Well, what about that Bender guy? You want I should give him the clamps?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Not yet, Clamps. Only one thing can prove that he has my lucky foot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': Torture with the clamps or a clamp-like device?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': No. We are gonna sit tight and see if he wins the poker tournament. He does, that proves he's packing my lucky foot, in which event...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': ''The clamps!'' Or a clamp-like device.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Penn & Teller are hosting the 3009 Universal Poker Tournament at the Wong Hotel.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Penn Jillette]]''': Welcome viewers who fell asleep with the TV on! It's the 3009 no-limit hold 'em championship. ''[The crowd cheers.]'' I'm the massive head of Penn Jillette, and here with a color commentary, my partner Teller. ''[Teller's head is floating in his own jar. As always, he is deceased.]'' Our act really didn't change much when he died.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Pardon me, I'm new to this game. Is this duffle bag big enough for all your money? ''[He laughs and sits down at the table.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He walks up to the table.]'' Bender? Oh, boogers. We're in the same tournament. Quick, get your entry fee back before I bankrupt you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''Pfft!'' In your dreams, nutloaf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Bite my shiny metal hat.</poem><br />
:''[Graphic: "HAND 1." Leo Wong is the dealer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette (Whispering)''': Tex Connecticut, the pride of Kansas City, first to act. ''[He has a Queen and a Nine and calls the blinds.]'' Smiley Spiff, up next. ''[He has a Jack and a Ten and also calls.]'' Looks like Boobs Vanderbilt has a decent pair. Also, she's got two eights. ''[She calls.]'' And Bender Rodriguez picks up a lucky deal right off the bat. ''[He calls as well.]''</poem><br />
:''[Fry looks at his cards. Two Kings. He lifts his hat up a bit and reads Bender's mind.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender (Telepathically)''': Woo! Two aces. I'm thinking guitar solo. ''[He mimics a guitar solo.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''He puts his hat back down.]'' I fold.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': Holy crap! A stunning play by mentally ill newcomer Philip Fry. It's almost as if he knew Bender had two aces.</poem><br />
:''[Pull out of Penn's shot to reveal that he is sitting 20 or so feet from the game table.]''<br />
<poem>'''Boobs Vanderbilt'': Bender has two aces? I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tex Connecticut''': I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Lrrr]]''': I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He laughs and pulls in the chips.]'' Suck my luck!</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad, Donbot and Clamps are sitting in the audience.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': See this gun? ''[He holds up a gun, but then he crumples it in his hand.]'' That's what I'm gonna do to Bender if he wins.</poem><br />
:''[Graphic: "Hand 6." Fry wins. Graphic: "Hand 13." Bender wins the pot, a gold watch and a human baby. Graphic: "Hand 79."]''<br />
<poem>'''Lrrr''': All in. Call my mighty bid at your peril. ''[He growls at the table. Fry lifts his hat.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': My cards are awful, and I need a hug.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I call your bluff.</poem><br />
:''[Fry wins the hand. Lrrr growls at Fry.]''<br />
<poem>'''Lrrr''': I shall annihilate... ''Fry hugs him.]'' '''(Sobbing:)''' I just wanted to make my daddy proud.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Lrrr's Father''': Well, you didn't. I want you and your junk moved out by Monday.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': It's getting pretty intense, folks. Based on the state of decomposition of Teller's head, we're now in hour 19 of the tournament. And the first bad deal of the night for Bender.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hey, pal, help me out here. ''[He holds up his cards - a Seven and a Two.]'' This is the worst possible hand, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tex Connecticut: I'm all in.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All in! I mean, fold. Whatever.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': ''[Leo deals the flop.]'' Well, Bender's luck just ran out. No card can save him from elimination.</poem><br />
:''[Cut back to the table. A giant prop card falls on Tex Connecticut's neck and incapacitates him.]''<br />
<poem>'''Boobs Vanderbilt''': Oh, my gourds! He's dead. ''[A card falls on her as well.]''</poem><br />
:''[The killer cards total 21.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': 21, winner! ''[He pushes the chips to Bender.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Wooo! I'm so full of luck, it's shooting out like luck diarrhoea.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': Wake up, poker fans! We're down to our final two players in heads-up action for the Championship. Your perspective, Teller? ''[A rat eats Teller's left eye.]''</poem><br />
:''[Leo deals cards to Bender and Fry. Fry looks at his cards then raises his hat and looks at Bender, who has yet to look at his cards. Bender refuses to look at his cards. Cut to Donbot who is watching from the crowd and tries to crack his knuckles. He breaks off all of his fingers in the process.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All in.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But-but, you didn't even look at your cards!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Looking at one's cards is a crutch for players who rely on skill.</poem><br />
:''[Fry lifts his hat again. Bender is scatting like a guitar. Fry lowers his hat and gulps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Any day now, Fry. You in or out?</poem><br />
:''[Fry stammers as he looks for an answer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': What's the matter, Fry, you scared? Or just ''[He spins his head around and wiggles in fingers]'' crazy? ''[He laughs.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': All right, all in. ''[Leo deals the cards.]'' Yes! Four aces!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[Fry moves in to take the pot.]'' Ah-ah-ah. Read 'em and weep, and then tell me what they are.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Two kings. And with three on the board, that gives Bender five kings.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But how is that...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': I don't believe it. Bender has just been dealt the King of Beers, a coaster from the bar that somehow got mixed into the deck. But it still counts!</poem><br />
:''[The crowd cheers and music begins playing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Bender win the Championship!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He eats the money.]'' That's some good money. ''[He then belches fire.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': ''[She comes running over with a suitcase.]'' You did it, Bender. You're the greatest.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Tell me something I don't know, sweetass. Now, let's boogie. We'll be in Space Tahiti before the Donbot knows what hit him.</poem><br />
:''[As Bender is walking away from the table, he throws the Donbot's lucky robot's foot behind him and it strikes the Donbot in the face.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Now I am suspicious.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A desert on Mars at night. Bender and Fanny are digging holes. They are illuminated by the Donbot's car headlights.<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Okay, we finished digging this shallow grave. Can we go now?</poem><br />
:''[The mafia trio then shoot Fanny and Bender for a while with machine guns. Part way through the shooting, Donbot stops to check the time and then resumes his firing. Cut to them driving away from the filled in graves.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Planet Express ship lands in the desert.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Sobbing)''': Poor Bender left me one last voicemail before the Robot Mafia buried him in the desert.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (On cell phone)''': Fry, old friend, before I die, I just wanted to say... ''[Beep.]'' Hang on, I'm getting another call. Hello? ''[The gun fire commences and Bender screams.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Line up, people! Everyone take a shovel and one sixth of the planet. We'll meet back here in 50 years, our bodies broken and our lives wasted.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': And you say these are free shovels?</poem><br />
:''[There is a rumbling and a hole begins to form in the sand near them. As the dust settles Bender walks out of the hole with Fanny.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm back, baby.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Bender! I thought the Robot Mafia killed you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Nah, they just shot us and buried us a few times as a warning.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Bender was so brave. He never stopped making out with me the whole time they were shooting us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I sure didn't.</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad pulls up with his car in the background.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': I gotta get back to my husband, baby. Will I see you tonight?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Probably not.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Mr. Wong is playing mini golf at his country club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': It's a 14-footer with a clown hazard. What club you recommend, Baggy?</poem><br />
'''[[Baggy]]''': As on every hole, I suggest the putter.<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Your golf club sure is classy, Mr. Wong. Naked statue classy.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong putts and ends up far from the hole and curses in Mandarin.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It is very nice. I just wish Amy and I didn't have to wear these sexist badges on our melons. ''[They stand up and show their badges that say "WOMAN."]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': We're lucky even to play as guests, Leela. Dad's club has a very strict "No girls allowed" policy.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong putts again and misses, then curses wildly again.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That doesn't seem fair.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': It really is. Everybody knows women don't have the focus to play miniature golf at a professional level.</poem><br />
:''[Amy makes her putt right through the clown's legs and lands it right next to the hole.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But that's the best shot of the day!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Is that my ball? I think that my ball.</poem><br />
:''[He claims Amy's ball as his own, but still misses his small putt and curses in Mandarin again.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Pfft, great putt, Dad.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Okay, we're done.</poem><br />
:''[The sprinklers turn on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Mr. Wong, how do you keep this place so green in the middle of the desert? Doesn't that waste a lot of water?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Nah, we got plenty water, pumped directly from flamingo lake. ''[The flamingos sitting in the lake are sucked into the drain with all of the water.]'' They'll be fine. ''[Pink feathers are expelled from the sprinklers.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The four are travelling in a golf cart.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Oh, yeah, I love miniature golf. Love everything about it, except how damn miniature it is. That's why I'm building the universe's biggest miniature golf course.</poem><br />
:''[A crane picks up a ball the size of the golf car and drops it into a large cannon.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': This the first tee.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Where's the hole?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': On Pluto's moon, Hydra. It's a six-billion-mile par-two. Tough shot, even for a man. ''[Leela groans. Mr. Wong adjusts the cannon with a dial near the tee. He strikes the button that fires the ball and everybody rushes over to a row of binoculars.]'' '''(Leo VO)''': Around the sun. Bank off Jupiter. And right into the... ''[The ball lands short of the hole and Mr. Wong curses in Mandarin.]'' I'll be right back. ''[He gets in a golf cart that has a dome over it and flies to Hydra. Fry, Leela and Amy watch from the binoculars. Mr. Wong smacks the giant ball his his putter, but it stops on the edge of the hole. He growls and curses in Mandarin. He bounces over to the ball and smacks his with his putter again, then kicks it.]'' It dropped in! Put me down for a two.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Two. ''[She writes down 8.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Keep in mind, that just the first hole. For full course, we gonna bulldoze this entire arm of the Milky Way.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What? You're gonna wipe out 10% of the galaxy for a stupid golf course?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': First of all, it 12% . Second, yes, you betcha.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But you have no idea what life forms might be evolving out there.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong'''': That's exactly why I'm hiring an impartial scientist to perform an environmental survey. That's him in the money shower.</poem><br />
:''[Farnsworth is in the money shower, giggling.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Planet Express Ship is flying through a field of asteroids. A light from the turret on the ship scans the space boulders for life.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (VO)''': Delivery boy's log. Having fallen asleep on what I thought was the toilet, I awoke to find the environmental survey in progress.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Status reports, Science Officer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Zilcho. No sign of life or intelligence. ''[He laughs.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': Just like Fry on a date.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He laughs.]'' Hey!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, so we haven't found any life yet. I still don't see why you men can't be happy with regular-sized miniature golf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Leela, evolution has programmed our fabulous male brains to take anything anybody else thinks is important and make it bigger. ''[He takes a slurp of a "128oz. Big Burp."] ''Have you seen my new 301-inch TV?</poem><br />
:''[He presses a button on a remote and a large TV descends at the front of the ship.]''<br />
<poem>'''Announcer''': Hypnotoad is brought to you by the MagnaPhallix 302-inch TV. It's bigger!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, hell! ''[He throws his beverage at the TV and it falls apart.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[An alarm sounds.]'' Captain, I'm detecting life on the spock-o-scope!</poem><br />
:''[Leela gasps. The ship hovers over the planet. Cut to a fish-like creature waddles onto land. It uses its fins as feet and walks around. Pan up to flowers blooming and flying insects pollinating them.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's amazing. It's like a textbook on evolution.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Except in Kansas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': But isn't Mr. Wong building the 18th hole here? And the golf pants museum?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Indeed so. This whole area will be incinerated when he implodes that sun there into a black hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That beautiful violet star?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': It's so you can't keep your ball at the end of the game.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yo, that's messed up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Well, there won't be any imploding once they read our environmental review. Right, Professor?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ohh, twaddle-squat. There's no scientific consensus that life is important.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yeah. Life, schmife.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clip Board''': ''[Farnsworth checks an option.]'' Approved for demolition.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's you and me, ponytail. ''[He cracks her pony tail like a whip.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Nixon's head pulls up in a limo.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Guard''': We're here, Mr. President.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Richard Nixon's head]]''': Arroo! Let's play some mini-golf.</poem><br />
:''[The headless body of Agnew, Nixon and Mr. Wong are playing mini-golf. Agnew is putting.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Now, just give it a light tap, Agnew. ''[Agnew pulls his club up high.]'' No, no, no, just a light...</poem><br />
:''[Agnew grunts and sends the ball hurtling away from the tee. Cut to Zoidberg on a diving board high above a pool.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Now for a triple clam dip, with a double - ''[The ball smashes into his head and knocks him on his back.]'' OW! ''[He falls off the diving board and lands on the concrete surrounding the pool.]'' OW!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Tough luck, Agnew. Looks like you and Wong owe me a Charleston Chew. ''[He laughs.]''</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas blast through a hedge and <br />
<poem>'''Feministas''': Shut up and hear our wisdom. Shut up and hear our wisdom. Save the ecosystem. Save the ecosystem. Shut up and hear our wisdom! Save the ecosystem!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': What gives, Wong? You said no chicks allowed.</poem><br />
:''[Agnew growls.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': We are the Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, and we will not let you...What was it again?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': We will not let you implode the violet dwarf star at galactic coordinates 167.84, -58.03, mark 948.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Already approved, you cackling hens. So get out, or I'll have vice-president Agnew's headless body throw you out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I'd like to see him try.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon'''': Me, too. Should look funny. Sic 'em, Agnew.</poem><br />
:''[Agnew breaks his club in half and wanders toward the women. Leela bumps into a parked golf cart and causes it to roll down a hill, toward Agnew.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Runaway golf cart!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Look out, Agnew!</poem><br />
:''[Agnew tries to dodge the cart, but it follows his movements and runs him over.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Whoa!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Aah!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Is... is he okay?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': No pulse.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': They killed the headless remains of Agnew. Arrest them!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': All Feministas she-vacuate the premises. I mean "femises."</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas run away and the presidential guards chase after them. One drives the limo over Agnew's body.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Lounge. Nixon is on TV.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': My fellow Earthicans, these eco-crooks will face the maximum sentence. For killing a headless torso, that's six weeks.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Well, this is embarrassing. Here I've been blabbing on for years about killing all humans, and who actually does something about it? Some chick.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Leela's not a killer, and she's not some chick. She's the chick I love. And don't tell her I called her a chick, or she'll kill me.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A hover-copter flows over the city with search lights. The Feministas are hiding in a building with the sign "Eco-Feminist Reading Room" in the window. When the spotlight passes over it, a Feminista switches it to "Something even less popular."]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Frida (through her megaphone)''': Everyone stay absolutely quiet!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feminista''': That thing's on. Shh!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feminista''': Turn it off!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida (through megaphone)''': Oh, sorry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': How do you turn it off?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida (through megaphone)''': There. Did that do it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''OTHERS''': No. Stop it. Shut up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Here's the button here. ''[An alarm starts wailing from the megaphone.]'' '''(Through megaphone)''': And I think I... Now I got it.</poem><br />
:''[The megaphone squeals with feedback.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Let me give you a hand.</poem><br />
:''[She pushes a button and it turns off. Frida "shushes" her.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': This is awful. I never meant for our protest to have any effect. Now what do we do?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Trixie]]''': Maybe we should just surrender and serve our six weeks in jail.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Dixie]]''': Hey, yeah! We could do each other's toenails and make shivs.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That's crazy. We've done nothing wrong, other than killing and dismembering the vice-president. We need to make a choice, sisters. We can either keep pestering criminals like Leo Wong with silly slogans...</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Yeah. Let's do that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Actually, I meant that to be the less preferable alternative. We can either chant slogans or we can take action.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': What was the first choice again?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I choose to save the environment by sabotaging Leo Wong's golf course. Who's with me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Could we still use our bullhorns?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Absolutely. Bullhorns are a core principle of eco-feminism.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Then I'm in.</poem><br />
:''[They all cheer, then Frida shushes them through her megaphone.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Feminista's vehicle (A VW Camper) is travelling through space.]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Who's ready to kick some sweaty man-butt?</poem><br />
:''[They cheer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': I've got my pointy man-kicking shoes on.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Trixie''': Those are cute.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': Aren't they? I got them at Nine West.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Simmer down, warriors. Full power to the vagyroscope!</poem><br />
:''[Cut to a street sweeper-like vehicle cleaning up the rings around a planet.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Those dirty rings. I tried soaking them out, even blasting them out.</poem><br />
:''[The Camper stops near the cleaning vehicle. Leela and Frida emerge and pour sugar in the fuel filler.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Are you sure about this? It would be better for propaganda if we weren't using refined sugar.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's okay. The potato we're shoving in the tailpipe is organic.</poem><br />
:''[She clogs the tail pipe and fly away. The cleaner breaks down.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': I smell sabotage. ''[He sniffs.]'' Ooh, and potatoes.</poem><br />
:''[The girls cheer as they fly away from the planet.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Now, unfortunately, the media is going to put a negative spin on this, like when we killed that guy, so to win public support, we'll need a lovable mascot.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Zoidberg is in a room alone with the muck leech. It is in a glass terrarium in the lounge at Planet Express.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': :''[He picks it up and laughs.]'' Squirm all you want, you nasty dumpling. One less species for the universe, one more breakfast for...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Zoidberg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Leela. Me saving things the leech. Not the eating of it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Zoidberg, I'm very surprised at you, slightly.</poem><br />
:''[Leela lets the leech clamp onto her arm and Zoidberg stares, then slurps at it. Cut to Leela leaving Planet Express.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Psst! Leela.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Shh! I'm a fugitive.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I know. I miss you so much, Leela, even more than when you were here.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I miss you, too, Fry. And you probably think what I'm doing is wrong. But it's something I really care about...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You don't have to explain, Leela. You're you. That's all I need to know.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Goodbye, sweet goofbag.</poem><br />
:''[She walks over to the Camper, knocks twice and gets pulled in. They fly away. Zoom out of just Fry standing on the sidewalk to show Zoidberg and Bender are there as well.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Bender''': :''[He sighs.]'' I'll miss her, too, buddy. Dibs on her iPod.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Dibs on her- ohh...</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is walking through the streets of New New York. He comes upon Hutch drinking a bottle of wine in an alley.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Hey, Fry! Long time, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, Hutch! What have you been up to?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Same old, same old. Searching the dumpsters, protecting my thoughts with tin foil, peeing myself.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So, what brings you to Earth?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': It's top secret. Hey, take off your helmet and I'll think it to you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Okay. Here goes.</poem><br />
:''[Fry removes his hat and is bottled by Hutch. Hutch walks over to a dumpster, knocks twice and it mechanically opens. There is a bright light emitted from it. He throws Fry's limp body in and follows. The lid closes as he gets in. Cut to Fry waking up on a mattress.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Where are you? And me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': The Great Hall of the Ancient Legion of Madfellows. Welcome, bro.</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Welcome, bro.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Sorry I bashed your head in, buddy, but I had to. You see, the fate of the universe depends on you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yeah, I get that a lot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': The Grand Curator will tell you more.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Take me to him.</poem><br />
:''[He is the man behind Hutch.]''<br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Hey, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': So dig this, Fry. Our commune has been monitoring the universe's life energy for, like, a really long time, and we're grokking some super weird junk.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Um, I don't mean to be rude, but it's kind of hard to take you seriously when you say junk like "grok" and "junk."</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''' : What about "commune"?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Especially "commune." Come on, it's the fate of the universe, puff it up a little. Like you could say your ancient order is sensing deep upheaval in the cosmic life energy field.</poem><br />
:''[Everybody murmurs.]''<br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Okay. I'll try. So, like, a really, really long time ago... ''[Fry motions "longer" with his hands.]'' Eons ago! ''[Fry gives a thumbs up and he giggles.]'' Cool. Eons ago, the life force we call Chee permeated the universe. ''[He presses a button and a hologram is shown in the room.]'' The Green Chee generated a great upwelling of life across the cosmos. But then, for reasons unknown...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Ooh. "Reasons unknown." Now that's the sort of hook that grabs the attention of me, the viewer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': For reasons unknown...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Nice.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': ...the Chee began to recede, and the diversity of life began to wither. The life forms we know today are but a fraction of a fraction of the magnificence that once existed.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': But a bunch of dudes, right, they totally passed this far-out knowledge down through the ages.</poem><br />
:''[The holograms shows previous Madfellows proclaiming the word with their tin foil hats on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator (VO)''': Some with this knowledge were called prophets, some, fruitcakes. We, the Legion of Madfellows, are their heirs.</poem><br />
:''[The current Legion of Madfellows is shown in the hologram.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, I'm on TV. ''[He waves.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Well, that's the show. ''[He turns off the hologram.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Neat. What's it got to do with me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Ahh, pooperdoodle! I mean, pardon the omission. You see, after untold eternities, we have sensed a resurgence in the Chee.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, that's the violet dwarf star that Leela wants to save.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Freaking nailed it, corndog.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': We believe this star heralds a new green age, and it's your destiny to be its shepherd and protector.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Me? Why?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': 'Cause you got, like, no delta brainwave, man. The Dark Ones can't groove off your thoughts.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Silence, Hutch! You shall learn more in time, Fry. But for now, let's just say we have enemies, enemies who can read minds, except yours. ''[He points with his foot.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Cool. I can't wait to tell Leela.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': No! If you tell anyone, then their thoughts could be read, and our enemies would know of our existence. For the sake of those you love, you must keep this secret. Do you foot-swear?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, okay. I foot-swear.</poem><br />
:''[They perform a "foot shake" agreeing to the terms.]''<br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Good. Now, to save the coming of the green age, you must stop this man.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong is shown on the hologram.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I know him. Leo Wong. I work with his daughter.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Grand Curator''': Oh, good, that will cut about 15 minutes of explanation. You must gain Wong's confidence, infiltrate his organization and prevent him from destroying the violet dwarf.</poem><br />
:''[Fry salutes the Grand Curator with his foot. The act is reciprocated.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is in Mr. Wong's office at the Wongminister Miniature Golf Club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Looking for a job, eh?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yes, sir. Nothing fancy. I'm willing to start at the bottom and infiltrate my way up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Sorry, no openings right now. '''(Telepathically)'': What I need is security guard to keep nutcases out of my office.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I'm good at keeping nutcases.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': I said no way. ''(Telepathically)'': Security guard gotta be tough. This idiot don't look like he could handle those feministas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I look like an idiot who can handle those feministas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr Wong (Telepathically)''': He'll have to do better than that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I'll have to do better than that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Hmm. You and I think a lot alike. You really think you can stand up to those eco-freakos?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sir, with me around, they'll be the least of your worries.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The 18th hole of Mr. Wong's course. It's a mess of tubes leading to the green from a giant plastic gorilla head.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Tester''': Stand by, men. And manly aliens. Prepare to test fire King Kong hole.</poem><br />
:''[The manly alien launches the ball at the gorilla. It goes into his mouth and comes out on the green, rolling into the hole for an ace.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': It workses.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tester''': Good job, men. And manly aliens. Construction of King Kong hole complete.</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas' camper is approaching in the background.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Typical. Always King Kong, never Queen... Quong.</poem><br />
:''[A few Feministas leap from the Camper onto the green and plant hooks in the turf and the bumper of their vehicle.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': What are those, hooks? Get out of heres, you hookers. This is my turfs.</poem><br />
:''[The Camper blats off from the green, pulling the turf with it and sending the asteroid, which the green was placed on, spinning out of control and smashing into the tubes.]''<br />
<poem>'''Sal''': ''[He's flying through space.]'' Helpses!</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas cheer as they spray the gorilla head with make-up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You go, gorilla !</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A news broadcast. The vandalized gorilla is used as an image on the story.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Morbo]]''': Our top story. The string of eco-vandalism that began with a harmless vice-presidential killing has spread across the galaxy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Linda]]''': Why do you always get to read the top story, Morbo?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': Because viewers trust a deep male voice and huge, throbbing forehead veins. ''[They pulse in unison a few times.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Not all reaction to the crime spree has been negative. We spoke with several people who viewed these courageous eco-feminists as heroes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Petunia]]''': I just wish there was some way to... Excuse me. ''[She coughs roughly.]'' Some way to show I support 'em. Send them some smokes or something.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': So you make more than twice what I do. What? This just in: Root 2 News has received a video communique from the eco-feminists' unknown hideout.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': This is sub-commander L., den mother of the Feminista Revolutionary Collective, with a message for Leo Wong. Leo, you're a parasite on the universe, and parasites must be destroyed. That's why we've adopted this parasite as our mascot. ''[The leech snarls against the glass of its case.]'' I know it's a little confusing. The point is, even this vicious leech has a right to exist, because it's a part of nature. And that's why a vicious leech like Leo Wong must be exterminated. ''[The Feministas in the background cheer.]'' Again, confusing. We call on women everywhere to join our struggle against eco-chauvinist Leo Wong. We especially need good communique writers. Feministas unite! ''[They pound their breasts twice and throw their fists into the air while reciting that last bit.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Morbo''': In other news- ''[Linda throws her high heel at his head and it becomes lodged in his ear.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Linda''': Feministas unite!</poem></div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Transcript:Into_the_Wild_Green_Yonder&diff=48675Transcript:Into the Wild Green Yonder2009-08-09T21:19:26Z<p>Mini-Me: </p>
<hr />
<div>{{transcript infobox<br />
|for=Into the Wild Green Yonder<br />
|thanks to=Mini-Me<br />
|prev ep= Bender's Game Part 4<br />
|prev film=Bender's Game<br />
}}<br />
<br />
{{working|Mini-Me}}<br />
<br />
:''[Pan over space, planets and meteors.]''<br />
:''[Caption: BLACK DWARF SYSTEM - DEEPEST SPACE]''<br />
:''[A green light claps in them middle of the screen and a pulsing, green ripple expands outward. Cut to a violet star.]''<br />
:''[Caption: VIOLET DWARF SYSTEM - SLIGHTLY DEEP SPACE]''<br />
:''[One of the green waves passes over the system and the planets all glow a light green. Zoom into the largest celestial body in the system and into a bubbling pool of liquid in a crater where a strand of DNA is formed. The strand fades into a roller coaster track in Mars Vegas. Some of the Planet Express crew and other characters fly across the screen in a roller coaster car. A parody of the "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas" sign says "Welcome to Fabulous Mars Vegas."]''<br />
<br />
:''[The opening credits start, with a theme song that is almost exclusively tubular bells.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Seth MacFarlane]] (singing)''': You and I will be reborn,<br />
In a future place and time,<br />
If everything our Hindu brethren say is true.<br />
In an age of things that hover,<br />
You and I will still be lovers,<br />
And we'll say to ourselves<br />
That was then and this is, too.<br />
'Cause we'll still find the happening hot spots,<br />
We'll still cruise the cool casinos.<br />
You'll still fly me to the moon,<br />
Although the moon to which you fly me,<br />
Could be Phobos or Deimos.<br />
The psychic worms from Rigel Nine,<br />
Who control everything we do,<br />
Will make us think that was then,<br />
And 3010 is exactly the same as 1962.<br />
Don't expect any changes, my friend,<br />
That was then and this is, too.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A hover grand stand is filled with a crowd of people who overlook Mars Vegas from far away.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Bender]]''': Wow, Mars Vegas. Long live the eternal city.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Leo and Inez Wong|Mr. Wong]]''': Two, one, zero!</poem><br />
:''[He pushes down a plunger and Mars Vegas is levelled by a large explosion.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Rest in hell, Crapville!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A large worm moves through the desert of Mars.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Leo and Inez Wong|Mrs. Wong]]''': Out here in the desert, we’re gonna build bigger, better Vegas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Bathtubs size of oceans, hookers size of bouncers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He blubbers.]'' Hamburger!</poem><br />
:''[The worm has stopped at a station.]''<br />
<poem>'''Worm Announcer''': Stand clear of the closing jaws.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The group stands in a construction site of a new hotel.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yo, you need any girders bent, I know a guy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Amy Wong]]''': So what's gonna be over there, Dad?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': That? That the oasis. ''[A bulldozer destroys a small area of trees and grass. A tree was missed, so a man sets it on fire with a flame thrower.]'' Future site of Oasis Hotel. ''[He laughs.]'' Take that, you stupid Mother Nature.</poem><br />
: ''[A car door closes. Pan over to the Feministas standing behind the caution perimeter with protest signs.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Frida Waterfall]]''': Okay. Let's hit him hard.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feministas''': This land is your land. This land is my land</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Fry]]''': Who are you noisy women?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': I'm Frida Waterfall, leader of the Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, and we will not let you man-doze this beautiful gyno-desert.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Well, I'm Leo Wong, and I say, "Boom!"</poem><br />
:''[He pushes down a plunger and the Feministas are send flying into the air from an explosion. Everybody else laughs as they fall back to the surface. Frida lands on Fry and it is revealed that her Femi-necklace has lodged in his brain. Everybody gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Hey, what happened to my femi-necklace? And where's my mega-fem?</poem><br />
:''[The megaphone hits her in the head and she is knocked out. Zoidberg rushes to Fry with a stethoscope.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Professor Farnsworth]]''': Is he badly hurt, Dr. Zoidberg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Zoidberg]]''': I don't quite know how to say this. ''(Sobbing:)'' Fry is dead!</poem><br />
:''[Everybody starts sobbing, but then Fry groans and wakes up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Wait, not dead. The other thing.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Damn eco-broads! You can't even spray for eagles without upsetting these kooks. ''[He sprays a tree and two eagles fall out, then a cave man falls out.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Leela]]''': Now, hang on. Before you do construction, don't you have to make sure you're not harming any native species?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': You mean, cursory environmental survey? Already done! By top scientist.</poem><br />
:''[He interrupts Farnsworth counting a wad of cash.]''<br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Err, what? Oh, my, yes. You've got the go-ahead, Mr. Wong. This place is deader than last year's cat.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, it's not! There's precious life right here in this scum puddle. ''[He holds up a desert muck leech.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ah! Cyprinodon martius. The desert muck leech. Amazingly, the entire species lives in this one tiny stink hole. ''(To Mr. Wong:)'' Killing these will be so much easier than exterminating those ponies.</poem><br />
:''[He imitates a pony, then imitates a machine gun, then imitates a dying pony.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Wait a second. Leeches may not be cuddly like pandas or tribbles, but these poor endangered creatures deserve... ''[She pets the leech, it makes a noise and then it bites and clamps onto her neck.]'' Get off me! ''[She throws it to the ground.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'll get it with my trusty foot cups: Stompy and Smashy.</poem><br />
:''[Bender tries repeatedly to squish the creature, but Leela bends over to stop him from trying.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, don't kill it! We have to...</poem><br />
:''[When she bends over, the leech bites onto her neck again. She runs off-screen screaming. Mr. Wong is seen pouring a bag of Poison Cement into the hole the leech came from. He then directs a large parking lot paving machine to roll over the area.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': There. They're not endangered anymore. They're extinct. ''[He chuckles.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, they're not. I saved this one. And I'm gonna raise it and care for it, so the world will forever know what it's lost. ''[The leech then bites her eye and she screams.]'' You freaking slime wad! ''[She pulls is off her eye and stomps on it, then stops.]'' No. I killed it. It was the last of its kind. ''[The creature comes back to life and bites onto her knee.]'' Mother-''(bleep)''. Let go of me, you... ''[She holds her leg up and fries the leech with a laser from her Wristlomojacker.]'' Poor thing.</poem><br />
:''[It flies back at her neck and clamps on again. She screams as the camera pans over the Mr. Wong and Fry. Mr. Wong kicks Fry's leg twice to wake him up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Tell you what, Fry. You all promise not to sue me, I give you token for free entry in poker tournament. ''[He slips a poker chip into Fry's pocket on his shirt while Fry is still somewhat unconscious.]'' He took it, you all saw it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Maybe we did, maybe we didn't. ''[Leela runs across the screen behind them, battling the leech still.]'' What's in it for me, Bender?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Okay, okay. Come back when New Vegas opens, I give you all free rooms, free dinner and free tickets to Celine Dion.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Lose the Celine Dion tickets and you got yourself a deal.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': All right, damn it, done!</poem><br />
:''[The crew cheers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All right, I scored.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Wong Hotel & Casino is completed. The crew is playing a row of slot machines.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Look out, Vegas, I've got a system. ''[He inserts a quarter and pulls the lever while laughing. The rolls of the machine land on "OUT OF ORDER," "OUT OF ORDER" and "NO REFUNDS."]'' Oh. I'm bankrupt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He chuckles.]'' You said it, Hermes. He is pathetic, but lovable.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Yup. What? I said no such thing, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I am not acting weird, Leela. Why is everyone talking at once?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Fry, calm down and stop braining.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Yeah, Fry, maybe you need to-</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You're right, Amy! Maybe I do need some fresh air.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Man, I'm worried about him. But not enough to stop gambling for even a single second.</poem><br />
:''[He uses his quarter on a string to scam the slot machine and pulls on the lever. He gets three Leo Wong heads.]''<br />
<poem>'''Three Leos on the Machine''': You win, damn it!</poem><br />
:''[Quarters are dispensed from the machine as bells are going off.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He laughs.]'' It's all in the wrist. ''[He unscrews his hand from his wrist and sucks up the quarters like a vacuum. He sucks quarters out of Farnsworth's pocket as well.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A street in Mars Vegas. Traffic has filled the streets. Cut to Fry's eyes as he walks down the sidewalk of pedestrians.]''<br />
<br />
:''[There is overlapping chatter.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Voices always yelling. Who - who said that? I'm not insane. Stop it. Stop talking in me!</poem><br />
:''[Fry runs into a close alley.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Hutch Waterfall]]''': Voices bothering you, man? I've been there. You need one of these doodangs. ''[He taps on his foil hat.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Over the chatter)''': A foil hat? Of course, he likes pastrami. What about the dog's testicles? ''[Hutch puts his foil hat on Fry's head and the voices quiet.]'' Hey, it worked. The voices stopped.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': They've got a huge selection of carburetors... Hang on. Hang on. ''[He searches through a dumpster for a new hat and finds one with some pizza stuck to it.]'' That's better. My name's Hutch.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hi, Hutch. So what's with the obnoxious, shrieking voices? Are my fillings picking up The View?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': No, man. Truth is, it's other people's thoughts. You're a mind reader.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Although, actually, it was sort of obvious.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': You don't believe me? Take off the helmet.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I believe you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Seriously, do it. ''[Fry sighs and takes his hat off.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': Testing, testing. Do you read me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Loud and clear.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': What?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I said, "Loud and clear." Only I said it with my thinker, not my talker.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Whoa! Freaky. Why can't I read your thoughts?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I don't know. Wait. What's that about a secret society?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Never mind that. Just keep the foil on and you'll be okay. Also, it'll keep the Dark Ones from incinerating your brain.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That's a plus.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': And don't ever, ever, ever tell anyone you can read minds, or the Dark Ones will get you like that. ''[He poorly snaps his fingers.]'' Hang on, pizza grease. Like that. ''[He snaps his fingers and Fry let's out a concerned wail.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Many robots are walking into a theatre that is presenting Gearotica. In the theatre, robot performers are lowered from the ceiling and dance with the music.]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Clamps]]''': Jeez, get a load of the batteries on her. I'd like to get my clamps on those. Give her a jump, you know what I mean? ''[He laughs alone.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Donbot]]''': Whoa, whoa. Show some decorum there, Clamps. This ain't no strip show. This is a beguiling display of the pornographic arts.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Joey Mousepad]]''': Yo, Skip, I can see a guy's butt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael's Wife''': Oh, Michael, this is the perfect end to a perfect honeymoon.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': I love you so much.</poem><br />
:''[They move in to kiss, but Bender lands between them.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Is this seat taken?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': Actually, we...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Slide me those chicken wings. So what part of Podunk you rubes from?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': The north-eastern.</poem><br />
:''[Bender belches fire after drinking a bottle of red wine.]''<br />
:''[Two robots on stage move their hips on a gear until they are close enough to exchange a compact disc from one slot to another. The crowd applauds.]''<br />
<poem>'''Announcer''': Monsieurs et mademoiselles, our circus of the senses now arrives by steamboat in New Orleans, circa 2873. The muted lament of a trombone resonates through the fog, which lingers even now, months after the attack of the fog monster. With but one hope of restoring Gearoticus to his throne, our sensual fate rests in the gyrations of... Fanny.</poem><br />
:''[Fog covers the stage, but is blown away by the air movement from Fanny's fan, which is fixed to her rear end.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh. ''[He stops eating and watches Fanny move her fan around on stage. He stammers and his eyes extend out of his head to zoom in. They extend out farther, then his antenna extends and the woman next to him gasps.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Bender is scatting as he walks toward Fanny's dressing room door with flowers hidden behind him. He knocks on the door and Fanny answers.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Fanny]]''': Yes?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm Bender. Let's do it. ''[He holds out the flowers.]''</poem><br />
:''[The two stare at each other for a few seconds until the Donbot comes out of the dressing room with his gun cocked and pointed at Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Who is it, the Feds?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He gasps.]'' Aren't you the Donbot, head of the Robot Mafia?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Allegedly. And this is my beloved wife, Fanny, whose honor I would proudly defend with a power drill. Well, I gotta go drown a stoolie.</poem><br />
:''[As soon as the bathroom door closes Bender and Fanny start kissing, Fanny's fan is spinning. Suddenly the Donbot opens the door and Bender and Fanny quickly separate]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': I'm gonna be in here a while, so do me a favor and drive my wife home. It's one of them self-driving cars, so just sit in the back and do whatever.</poem><br />
:''[They start kissing again. Fanny twangs Bender's antenna.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Oh, Bender, your lips are intoxicating. It's like kissing an ashtray full of hot wings.</poem><br />
:''[They resume kissing and fall to the floor.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender (As if he were speaking through a fan)''': Aww yeahh!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is peacefully walking down a street. He stops and lift his hat off. The voices grow louder and louder until he puts his hat back on.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': My God, I really can read minds. I have a superpower! There must be something great I can do with this.</poem><br />
:''[He gasps. Cut to Fry standing in front of a Women's locker room door. He removes his hat and quickly walks in.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hello, ladies, I can read your thoughts. ''[Punches are heard and Fry is thrown out of the room.]'' Oh, wait, that's invisibility.</poem><br />
:''[Fry walks by a banner for Leo's Poker Tournament, back tracks to it and gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Poker. With my mind-reading abilities and my invisibility... Wait, no, just the mind reading. I can't lose!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sign me up for the tournament, please.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Administrator''': Okey-doke, Jiffy Pop. Entry fee's 50,000 smackers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': 50,000? Drat, all I have is my life savings and a token for free admission to this poker tournament.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Administrator''': Close enough. ''[He puts the wad of cash in his breast pocket.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': "ELZAR'S AT THE WONG" - The crew plus Fanny is occupying a booth in the restaurant.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': You're having an affair with the head of the robot mafia's wife?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (Off-screen)''': Yup, this is her I'm making out with.</poem><br />
:''[The entire table is shown, Bender and Fanny are laying in the center of it kissing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Bender, are you crazy?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No, it's Fry who's crazy in this one.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Psht, I'm not crazy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You sure you're okay, Fry? I mean, you do have tin foil on your head.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So? You've got a leech on your neck. Oh, and speaking of sucking on your neck, want to go to a movie later?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Elzar]]''': Hey, there! How are you folks doing tonight?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Great. What are the specials?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Elzar''': Well, let's see now. We've got a wonderful grizzly bear that's been dipped in cornmeal and lightly tormented. Questions?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': What was the bear's name?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Elzar''': Jojo.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Ooh, I'll have him.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the entrance of the restaurant, Donbot, Joey Mousepad and Clamps walk in. Fanny gasps, Bender yelps and moves half of his head into his body.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hide me!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': Hey, Donbot, ain't that your wife what with you had that wedding with?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': ''[While sauntering over to Donbot looking rather bloated.]'' Donbot, honey! What a pleasant shock! I was just having dinner alone, when suddenly you walk in on us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Alone, huh?</poem><br />
:''[Her body groans and Bender comes shooting out of her chest cavity.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Where am I? I was exploring a wormhole through space many light years from this restaurant, when suddenly I was surrounded by darkness. '''(To Fanny:)''' Hot, sexy darkness. ''[He purrs sensually.]'' Oh, why, hello, Donbot! Hello, miss, have we met? ''[He shakes Fanny's hand.]'' I'm Bender. The world's most sexual robot. I mean, the world's most boundary-respecting robot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Nice to see you, Bender. Welcome back to our universe. Listen, sugar, I stuck up the Burlington Coat Factory and got you a little something. It's a $49 value.</poem><br />
:''[He puts a white fur coat on her and she spins her fan and squeals with delight.]''<br />
<poem>'''Danny''': Donbot, I love you! '''(To Bender:)''' Not really.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Man, this is great! I always wanted to nail a dame in a fur coat, and now's my chance. ''[He catches himself.]'' I mean, if you'll introduce me to one, sir. '''(To Fanny:)''' One as sexy as you, baby! Bender out. ''[He struts away while humming/scatting. Zoom on Donbot's eyes, they squint, showing Donbot is onto Bender.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''[Establishing shot of the Wong Hotel & Casino. '''Scene''': Fanny and Bender walk through the Casino.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': I never felt so alive, Bender. Listen, this turquoise-encrusted bra is worth 50 grand. Let's sell it and run off before the Donbot gets wise.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He sighs.]'' No. It will take a lot more money than that to make a girl like you happy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': No, it won't.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yeah, it will. Shut up! We'll run off, but not till after I win the Universal Poker Championship! ''[He raises his hand to reveal his plan, reaches into Fanny's bosom, rips out the bra and slams it on the Administrator's counter.]'' One entry, please.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Bender, no! You can't beat the best players in the universe. You're not lucky enough.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh, no? I'm 40% lucky. ''[He bangs on his chest twice.]'' The scrap metal I'm made from included a truckload of horseshoes from the luckiest racehorses in Mexico, who had just been sent to a glue factory.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': They don't sound so lucky to me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Not without their shoes.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The [[The Hip Joint Janitor|Hip Joint Janitor]] walks up to the railing of a casino that has a "Dancing Fountains" display in front of it. He dumps a bottle of Diet Slurm and a pack of Mentos into the water and the show begins. Pan over to Bender, who is getting his foot cups polished by a machine. He is cheerfully humming again and Fanny walks up to him.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Here, Bendy, take this. It will give you 70% more luck. It's the Donbot's lucky robot's foot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All right! With two kinds of luck, I can't lose.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No, wait, three. I stepped on a leprechaun.</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad and Clamps stop in their car when they see Bender and Fanny together.]''<br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': Yo, you see this over here over there?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': I'm powering up the clamps.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': An old store titled "SMALL BILL'S LAUNDERING." The mafia trio sit in the back of the shop.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let us not rush to judgment.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': But, Skip, that was your lucky robot's foot what came off of your lucky leg.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': ''[He turns his chair to the side and shows his missing appendage.]'' While it is true that I did wake up with only one foot this morning, there is no proof that my beloved Fanny was involved. Aside from the hacksaw I found under her pillow.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': Well, what about that Bender guy? You want I should give him the clamps?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Not yet, Clamps. Only one thing can prove that he has my lucky foot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': Torture with the clamps or a clamp-like device?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': No. We are gonna sit tight and see if he wins the poker tournament. He does, that proves he's packing my lucky foot, in which event...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': ''The clamps!'' Or a clamp-like device.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Penn & Teller are hosting the 3009 Universal Poker Tournament at the Wong Hotel.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Penn Jillette]]''': Welcome viewers who fell asleep with the TV on! It's the 3009 no-limit hold 'em championship. ''[The crowd cheers.]'' I'm the massive head of Penn Jillette, and here with a color commentary, my partner Teller. ''[Teller's head is floating in his own jar. As always, he is deceased.]'' Our act really didn't change much when he died.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Pardon me, I'm new to this game. Is this duffle bag big enough for all your money? ''[He laughs and sits down at the table.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He walks up to the table.]'' Bender? Oh, boogers. We're in the same tournament. Quick, get your entry fee back before I bankrupt you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''Pfft!'' In your dreams, nutloaf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Bite my shiny metal hat.</poem><br />
:''[Graphic: "HAND 1." Leo Wong is the dealer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette (Whispering)''': Tex Connecticut, the pride of Kansas City, first to act. ''[He has a Queen and a Nine and calls the blinds.]'' Smiley Spiff, up next. ''[He has a Jack and a Ten and also calls.]'' Looks like Boobs Vanderbilt has a decent pair. Also, she's got two eights. ''[She calls.]'' And Bender Rodriguez picks up a lucky deal right off the bat. ''[He calls as well.]''</poem><br />
:''[Fry looks at his cards. Two Kings. He lifts his hat up a bit and reads Bender's mind.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender (Telepathically)''': Woo! Two aces. I'm thinking guitar solo. ''[He mimics a guitar solo.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''He puts his hat back down.]'' I fold.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': Holy crap! A stunning play by mentally ill newcomer Philip Fry. It's almost as if he knew Bender had two aces.</poem><br />
:''[Pull out of Penn's shot to reveal that he is sitting 20 or so feet from the game table.]''<br />
<poem>'''Boobs Vanderbilt'': Bender has two aces? I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tex Connecticut''': I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Lrrr]]''': I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He laughs and pulls in the chips.]'' Suck my luck!</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad, Donbot and Clamps are sitting in the audience.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': See this gun? ''[He holds up a gun, but then he crumples it in his hand.]'' That's what I'm gonna do to Bender if he wins.</poem><br />
:''[Graphic: "Hand 6." Fry wins. Graphic: "Hand 13." Bender wins the pot, a gold watch and a human baby. Graphic: "Hand 79."]''<br />
<poem>'''Lrrr''': All in. Call my mighty bid at your peril. ''[He growls at the table. Fry lifts his hat.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': My cards are awful, and I need a hug.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I call your bluff.</poem><br />
:''[Fry wins the hand. Lrrr growls at Fry.]''<br />
<poem>'''Lrrr''': I shall annihilate... ''Fry hugs him.]'' '''(Sobbing:)''' I just wanted to make my daddy proud.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Lrrr's Father''': Well, you didn't. I want you and your junk moved out by Monday.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': It's getting pretty intense, folks. Based on the state of decomposition of Teller's head, we're now in hour 19 of the tournament. And the first bad deal of the night for Bender.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hey, pal, help me out here. ''[He holds up his cards - a Seven and a Two.]'' This is the worst possible hand, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tex Connecticut: I'm all in.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All in! I mean, fold. Whatever.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': ''[Leo deals the flop.]'' Well, Bender's luck just ran out. No card can save him from elimination.</poem><br />
:''[Cut back to the table. A giant prop card falls on Tex Connecticut's neck and incapacitates him.]''<br />
<poem>'''Boobs Vanderbilt''': Oh, my gourds! He's dead. ''[A card falls on her as well.]''</poem><br />
:''[The killer cards total 21.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': 21, winner! ''[He pushes the chips to Bender.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Wooo! I'm so full of luck, it's shooting out like luck diarrhoea.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': Wake up, poker fans! We're down to our final two players in heads-up action for the Championship. Your perspective, Teller? ''[A rat eats Teller's left eye.]''</poem><br />
:''[Leo deals cards to Bender and Fry. Fry looks at his cards then raises his hat and looks at Bender, who has yet to look at his cards. Bender refuses to look at his cards. Cut to Donbot who is watching from the crowd and tries to crack his knuckles. He breaks off all of his fingers in the process.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All in.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But-but, you didn't even look at your cards!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Looking at one's cards is a crutch for players who rely on skill.</poem><br />
:''[Fry lifts his hat again. Bender is scatting like a guitar. Fry lowers his hat and gulps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Any day now, Fry. You in or out?</poem><br />
:''[Fry stammers as he looks for an answer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': What's the matter, Fry, you scared? Or just ''[He spins his head around and wiggles in fingers]'' crazy? ''[He laughs.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': All right, all in. ''[Leo deals the cards.]'' Yes! Four aces!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[Fry moves in to take the pot.]'' Ah-ah-ah. Read 'em and weep, and then tell me what they are.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Two kings. And with three on the board, that gives Bender five kings.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But how is that...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': I don't believe it. Bender has just been dealt the King of Beers, a coaster from the bar that somehow got mixed into the deck. But it still counts!</poem><br />
:''[The crowd cheers and music begins playing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Bender win the Championship!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He eats the money.]'' That's some good money. ''[He then belches fire.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': ''[She comes running over with a suitcase.]'' You did it, Bender. You're the greatest.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Tell me something I don't know, sweetass. Now, let's boogie. We'll be in Space Tahiti before the Donbot knows what hit him.</poem><br />
:''[As Bender is walking away from the table, he throws the Donbot's lucky robot's foot behind him and it strikes the Donbot in the face.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Now I am suspicious.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A desert on Mars at night. Bender and Fanny are digging holes. They are illuminated by the Donbot's car headlights.<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Okay, we finished digging this shallow grave. Can we go now?</poem><br />
:''[The mafia trio then shoot Fanny and Bender for a while with machine guns. Part way through the shooting, Donbot stops to check the time and then resumes his firing. Cut to them driving away from the filled in graves.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Planet Express ship lands in the desert.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Sobbing)''': Poor Bender left me one last voicemail before the Robot Mafia buried him in the desert.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (On cell phone)''': Fry, old friend, before I die, I just wanted to say... ''[Beep.]'' Hang on, I'm getting another call. Hello? ''[The gun fire commences and Bender screams.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Line up, people! Everyone take a shovel and one sixth of the planet. We'll meet back here in 50 years, our bodies broken and our lives wasted.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': And you say these are free shovels?</poem><br />
:''[There is a rumbling and a hole begins to form in the sand near them. As the dust settles Bender walks out of the hole with Fanny.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm back, baby.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Bender! I thought the Robot Mafia killed you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Nah, they just shot us and buried us a few times as a warning.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Bender was so brave. He never stopped making out with me the whole time they were shooting us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I sure didn't.</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad pulls up with his car in the background.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': I gotta get back to my husband, baby. Will I see you tonight?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Probably not.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Mr. Wong is playing mini golf at his country club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': It's a 14-footer with a clown hazard. What club you recommend, Baggy?</poem><br />
'''[[Baggy]]''': As on every hole, I suggest the putter.<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Your golf club sure is classy, Mr. Wong. Naked statue classy.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong putts and ends up far from the hole and curses in Mandarin.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It is very nice. I just wish Amy and I didn't have to wear these sexist badges on our melons. ''[They stand up and show their badges that say "WOMAN."]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': We're lucky even to play as guests, Leela. Dad's club has a very strict "No girls allowed" policy.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong putts again and misses, then curses wildly again.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That doesn't seem fair.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': It really is. Everybody knows women don't have the focus to play miniature golf at a professional level.</poem><br />
:''[Amy makes her putt right through the clown's legs and lands it right next to the hole.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But that's the best shot of the day!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Is that my ball? I think that my ball.</poem><br />
:''[He claims Amy's ball as his own, but still misses his small putt and curses in Mandarin again.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Pfft, great putt, Dad.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Okay, we're done.</poem><br />
:''[The sprinklers turn on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Mr. Wong, how do you keep this place so green in the middle of the desert? Doesn't that waste a lot of water?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Nah, we got plenty water, pumped directly from flamingo lake. ''[The flamingos sitting in the lake are sucked into the drain with all of the water.]'' They'll be fine. ''[Pink feathers are expelled from the sprinklers.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The four are travelling in a golf cart.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Oh, yeah, I love miniature golf. Love everything about it, except how damn miniature it is. That's why I'm building the universe's biggest miniature golf course.</poem><br />
:''[A crane picks up a ball the size of the golf car and drops it into a large cannon.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': This the first tee.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Where's the hole?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': On Pluto's moon, Hydra. It's a six-billion-mile par-two. Tough shot, even for a man. ''[Leela groans. Mr. Wong adjusts the cannon with a dial near the tee. He strikes the button that fires the ball and everybody rushes over to a row of binoculars.]'' '''(Leo VO)''': Around the sun. Bank off Jupiter. And right into the... ''[The ball lands short of the hole and Mr. Wong curses in Mandarin.]'' I'll be right back. ''[He gets in a golf cart that has a dome over it and flies to Hydra. Fry, Leela and Amy watch from the binoculars. Mr. Wong smacks the giant ball his his putter, but it stops on the edge of the hole. He growls and curses in Mandarin. He bounces over to the ball and smacks his with his putter again, then kicks it.]'' It dropped in! Put me down for a two.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Two. ''[She writes down 8.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Keep in mind, that just the first hole. For full course, we gonna bulldoze this entire arm of the Milky Way.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What? You're gonna wipe out 10% of the galaxy for a stupid golf course?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': First of all, it 12% . Second, yes, you betcha.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But you have no idea what life forms might be evolving out there.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong'''': That's exactly why I'm hiring an impartial scientist to perform an environmental survey. That's him in the money shower.</poem><br />
:''[Farnsworth is in the money shower, giggling.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Planet Express Ship is flying through a field of asteroids. A light from the turret on the ship scans the space boulders for life.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (VO)''': Delivery boy's log. Having fallen asleep on what I thought was the toilet, I awoke to find the environmental survey in progress.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Status reports, Science Officer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Zilcho. No sign of life or intelligence. ''[He laughs.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': Just like Fry on a date.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He laughs.]'' Hey!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, so we haven't found any life yet. I still don't see why you men can't be happy with regular-sized miniature golf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Leela, evolution has programmed our fabulous male brains to take anything anybody else thinks is important and make it bigger. ''[He takes a slurp of a "128oz. Big Burp."] ''Have you seen my new 301-inch TV?</poem><br />
:''[He presses a button on a remote and a large TV descends at the front of the ship.]''<br />
<poem>'''Announcer''': Hypnotoad is brought to you by the MagnaPhallix 302-inch TV. It's bigger!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, hell! ''[He throws his beverage at the TV and it falls apart.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[An alarm sounds.]'' Captain, I'm detecting life on the spock-o-scope!</poem><br />
:''[Leela gasps. The ship hovers over the planet. Cut to a fish-like creature waddles onto land. It uses its fins as feet and walks around. Pan up to flowers blooming and flying insects pollinating them.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's amazing. It's like a textbook on evolution.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Except in Kansas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': But isn't Mr. Wong building the 18th hole here? And the golf pants museum?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Indeed so. This whole area will be incinerated when he implodes that sun there into a black hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That beautiful violet star?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': It's so you can't keep your ball at the end of the game.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yo, that's messed up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Well, there won't be any imploding once they read our environmental review. Right, Professor?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ohh, twaddle-squat. There's no scientific consensus that life is important.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yeah. Life, schmife.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clip Board''': ''[Farnsworth checks an option.]'' Approved for demolition.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's you and me, ponytail. ''[He cracks her pony tail like a whip.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Wongminister Miniature Golf Club. Nixon's head pulls up in a limo.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Guard''': We're here, Mr. President.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Richard Nixon's head]]''': Arroo! Let's play some mini-golf.</poem><br />
:''[The headless body of Agnew, Nixon and Mr. Wong are playing mini-golf. Agnew is putting.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Now, just give it a light tap, Agnew. ''[Agnew pulls his club up high.]'' No, no, no, just a light...</poem><br />
:''[Agnew grunts and sends the ball hurtling away from the tee. Cut to Zoidberg on a diving board high above a pool.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Now for a triple clam dip, with a double - ''[The ball smashes into his head and knocks him on his back.]'' OW! ''[He falls off the diving board and lands on the concrete surrounding the pool.]'' OW!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Tough luck, Agnew. Looks like you and Wong owe me a Charleston Chew. ''[He laughs.]''</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas blast through a hedge and <br />
<poem>'''Feministas''': Shut up and hear our wisdom. Shut up and hear our wisdom. Save the ecosystem. Save the ecosystem. Shut up and hear our wisdom! Save the ecosystem!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': What gives, Wong? You said no chicks allowed.</poem><br />
:''[Agnew growls.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': We are the Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, and we will not let you...What was it again?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': We will not let you implode the violet dwarf star at galactic coordinates 167.84, -58.03, mark 948.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Already approved, you cackling hens. So get out, or I'll have vice-president Agnew's headless body throw you out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I'd like to see him try.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon'''': Me, too. Should look funny. Sic 'em, Agnew.</poem><br />
:''[Agnew breaks his club in half and wanders toward the women. Leela bumps into a parked golf cart and causes it to roll down a hill, toward Agnew.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Runaway golf cart!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Look out, Agnew!</poem><br />
:''[Agnew tries to dodge the cart, but it follows his movements and runs him over.]''<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': Whoa!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Aah!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Is... is he okay?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': No pulse.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': They killed the headless remains of Agnew. Arrest them!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': All Feministas she-vacuate the premises. I mean "femises."</poem><br />
:''[The Feministas run away and the presidential guards chase after them. One drives the limo over Agnew's body.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Lounge. Nixon is on TV.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Nixon''': My fellow Earthicans, these eco-crooks will face the maximum sentence. For killing a headless torso, that's six weeks.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Well, this is embarrassing. Here I've been blabbing on for years about killing all humans, and who actually does something about it? Some chick.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Leela's not a killer, and she's not some chick. She's the chick I love. And don't tell her I called her a chick, or she'll kill me.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A hover-copter flows over the city with search lights. The Feministas are hiding in a building with the sign "Eco-Feminist Reading Room" in the window. When the spotlight passes over it, a Feminista switches it to "Something even less popular."]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Frida (through her megaphone)''': Everyone stay absolutely quiet!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feminista''': That thing's on. Shh!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feminista''': Turn it off!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida (through megaphone)''': Oh, sorry.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': How do you turn it off?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida (through megaphone)''': There. Did that do it?</poem><br />
<poem>'''OTHERS''': No. Stop it. Shut up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Here's the button here. ''[An alarm starts wailing from the megaphone.]'' '''(Through megaphone)''': And I think I... Now I got it.</poem><br />
:''[The megaphone squeals with feedback.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Let me give you a hand.</poem><br />
:''[She pushes a button and it turns off. Frida "shushes" her.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': This is awful. I never meant for our protest to have any effect. Now what do we do?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Trixie]]''': Maybe we should just surrender and serve our six weeks in jail.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Dixie]]''': Hey, yeah! We could do each other's toenails and make shivs.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That's crazy. We've done nothing wrong, other than killing and dismembering the vice-president. We need to make a choice, sisters. We can either keep pestering criminals like Leo Wong with silly slogans...</poem><br />
<poem>'''ALL''': Yeah. Let's do that.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Actually, I meant that to be the less preferable alternative. We can either chant slogans or we can take action.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dixie''': What was the first choice again?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': I choose to save the environment by sabotaging Leo Wong's golf course. Who's with me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Could we still use our bullhorns?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Absolutely. Bullhorns are a core principle of eco-feminism.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Then I'm in.</poem><br />
:''[They all cheer, then Frida shushes them through her megaphone.]''</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Transcript:Into_the_Wild_Green_Yonder&diff=48224Transcript:Into the Wild Green Yonder2009-08-04T01:25:17Z<p>Mini-Me: </p>
<hr />
<div>{{transcript infobox<br />
|for=Into the Wild Green Yonder<br />
|thanks to=Mini-Me<br />
|prev ep= Bender's Game Part 4<br />
|prev film=Bender's Game<br />
}}<br />
<br />
{{working|Mini-Me}}<br />
<br />
:''[Pan over space, planets and meteors.]''<br />
:''[Caption: BLACK DWARF SYSTEM - DEEPEST SPACE]''<br />
:''[A green light claps in them middle of the screen and a pulsing, green ripple expands outward. Cut to a violet star.]''<br />
:''[Caption: VIOLET DWARF SYSTEM - SLIGHTLY DEEP SPACE]''<br />
:''[One of the green waves passes over the system and the planets all glow a light green. Zoom into the largest celestial body in the system and into a bubbling pool of liquid in a crater where a strand of DNA is formed. The strand fades into a roller coaster track in Mars Vegas. Some of the Planet Express crew and other characters fly across the screen in a roller coaster car. A parody of the "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas" sign says "Welcome to Fabulous Mars Vegas."]''<br />
<br />
:''[The opening credits start, with a theme song that is almost exclusively tubular bells.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Seth MacFarlane]] (singing)''': You and I will be reborn,<br />
In a future place and time,<br />
If everything our Hindu brethren say is true.<br />
In an age of things that hover,<br />
You and I will still be lovers,<br />
And we'll say to ourselves<br />
That was then and this is, too.<br />
'Cause we'll still find the happening hot spots,<br />
We'll still cruise the cool casinos.<br />
You'll still fly me to the moon,<br />
Although the moon to which you fly me,<br />
Could be Phobos or Deimos.<br />
The psychic worms from Rigel Nine,<br />
Who control everything we do,<br />
Will make us think that was then,<br />
And 3010 is exactly the same as 1962.<br />
Don't expect any changes, my friend,<br />
That was then and this is, too.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A hover grand stand is filled with a crowd of people who overlook Mars Vegas from far away.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Bender]]''': Wow, Mars Vegas. Long live the eternal city.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Leo and Inez Wong|Mr. Wong]]''': Two, one, zero!</poem><br />
:''[He pushes down a plunger and Mars Vegas is levelled by a large explosion.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Rest in hell, Crapville!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A large worm moves through the desert of Mars.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Leo and Inez Wong|Mrs. Wong]]''': Out here in the desert, we’re gonna build bigger, better Vegas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Bathtubs size of oceans, hookers size of bouncers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He blubbers.]'' Hamburger!</poem><br />
:''[The worm has stopped at a station.]''<br />
<poem>'''Worm Announcer''': Stand clear of the closing jaws.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The group stands in a construction site of a new hotel.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yo, you need any girders bent, I know a guy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Amy Wong]]''': So what's gonna be over there, Dad?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': That? That the oasis. ''[A bulldozer destroys a small area of trees and grass. A tree was missed, so a man sets it on fire with a flame thrower.]'' Future site of Oasis Hotel. ''[He laughs.]'' Take that, you stupid Mother Nature.</poem><br />
: ''[A car door closes. Pan over to the Feministas standing behind the caution perimeter with protest signs.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Frida Waterfall]]''': Okay. Let's hit him hard.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Feministas''': This land is your land. This land is my land</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Fry]]''': Who are you noisy women?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida''': I'm Frida Waterfall, leader of the Greenorita Eco-Feminist Collective, and we will not let you man-doze this beautiful gyno-desert.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Well, I'm Leo Wong, and I say, "Boom!"</poem><br />
:''[He pushes down a plunger and the Feministas are send flying into the air from an explosion. Everybody else laughs as they fall back to the surface. Frida lands on Fry and it is revealed that her Femi-necklace has lodged in his brain. Everybody gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Frida''': Hey, what happened to my femi-necklace? And where's my mega-fem?</poem><br />
:''[The megaphone hits her in the head and she is knocked out. Zoidberg rushes to Fry with a stethoscope.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Professor Farnsworth]]''': Is he badly hurt, Dr. Zoidberg?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Zoidberg]]''': I don't quite know how to say this. ''(Sobbing:)'' Fry is dead!</poem><br />
:''[Everybody starts sobbing, but then Fry groans and wakes up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Wait, not dead. The other thing.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Damn eco-broads! You can't even spray for eagles without upsetting these kooks. ''[He sprays a tree and two eagles fall out, then a cave man falls out.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Leela]]''': Now, hang on. Before you do construction, don't you have to make sure you're not harming any native species?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': You mean, cursory environmental survey? Already done! By top scientist.</poem><br />
:''[He interrupts Farnsworth counting a wad of cash.]''<br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Err, what? Oh, my, yes. You've got the go-ahead, Mr. Wong. This place is deader than last year's cat.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, it's not! There's precious life right here in this scum puddle. ''[He holds up a desert muck leech.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ah! Cyprinodon martius. The desert muck leech. Amazingly, the entire species lives in this one tiny stink hole. ''(To Mr. Wong:)'' Killing these will be so much easier than exterminating those ponies.</poem><br />
:''[He imitates a pony, then imitates a machine gun, then imitates a dying pony.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Wait a second. Leeches may not be cuddly like pandas or tribbles, but these poor endangered creatures deserve... ''[She pets the leech, it makes a noise and then it bites and clamps onto her neck.]'' Get off me! ''[She throws it to the ground.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'll get it with my trusty foot cups: Stompy and Smashy.</poem><br />
:''[Bender tries repeatedly to squish the creature, but Leela bends over to stop him from trying.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, don't kill it! We have to...</poem><br />
:''[When she bends over, the leech bites onto her neck again. She runs off-screen screaming. Mr. Wong is seen pouring a bag of Poison Cement into the hole the leech came from. He then directs a large parking lot paving machine to roll over the area.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': There. They're not endangered anymore. They're extinct. ''[He chuckles.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': No, they're not. I saved this one. And I'm gonna raise it and care for it, so the world will forever know what it's lost. ''[The leech then bites her eye and she screams.]'' You freaking slime wad! ''[She pulls is off her eye and stomps on it, then stops.]'' No. I killed it. It was the last of its kind. ''[The creature comes back to life and bites onto her knee.]'' Mother-''(bleep)''. Let go of me, you... ''[She holds her leg up and fries the leech with a laser from her Wristlomojacker.]'' Poor thing.</poem><br />
:''[It flies back at her neck and clamps on again. She screams as the camera pans over the Mr. Wong and Fry. Mr. Wong kicks Fry's leg twice to wake him up.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Tell you what, Fry. You all promise not to sue me, I give you token for free entry in poker tournament. ''[He slips a poker chip into Fry's pocket on his shirt while Fry is still somewhat unconscious.]'' He took it, you all saw it!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Maybe we did, maybe we didn't. ''[Leela runs across the screen behind them, battling the leech still.]'' What's in it for me, Bender?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Okay, okay. Come back when New Vegas opens, I give you all free rooms, free dinner and free tickets to Celine Dion.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Lose the Celine Dion tickets and you got yourself a deal.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': All right, damn it, done!</poem><br />
:''[The crew cheers.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All right, I scored.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Wong Hotel & Casino is completed. The crew is playing a row of slot machines.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Look out, Vegas, I've got a system. ''[He inserts a quarter and pulls the lever while laughing. The rolls of the machine land on "OUT OF ORDER," "OUT OF ORDER" and "NO REFUNDS."]'' Oh. I'm bankrupt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He chuckles.]'' You said it, Hermes. He is pathetic, but lovable.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Yup. What? I said no such thing, man.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I am not acting weird, Leela. Why is everyone talking at once?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Fry, calm down and stop braining.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Yeah, Fry, maybe you need to-</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': You're right, Amy! Maybe I do need some fresh air.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Man, I'm worried about him. But not enough to stop gambling for even a single second.</poem><br />
:''[He uses his quarter on a string to scam the slot machine and pulls on the lever. He gets three Leo Wong heads.]''<br />
<poem>'''Three Leos on the Machine''': You win, damn it!</poem><br />
:''[Quarters are dispensed from the machine as bells are going off.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He laughs.]'' It's all in the wrist. ''[He unscrews his hand from his wrist and sucks up the quarters like a vacuum. He sucks quarters out of Farnsworth's pocket as well.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A street in Mars Vegas. Traffic has filled the streets. Cut to Fry's eyes as he walks down the sidewalk of pedestrians.]''<br />
<br />
:''[There is overlapping chatter.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Voices always yelling. Who - who said that? I'm not insane. Stop it. Stop talking in me!</poem><br />
:''[Fry runs into a close alley.]''<br />
<poem>'''[[Hutch Waterfall]]''': Voices bothering you, man? I've been there. You need one of these doodangs. ''[He taps on his foil hat.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Over the chatter)''': A foil hat? Of course, he likes pastrami. What about the dog's testicles? ''[Hutch puts his foil hat on Fry's head and the voices quiet.]'' Hey, it worked. The voices stopped.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': They've got a huge selection of carburetors... Hang on. Hang on. ''[He searches through a dumpster for a new hat and finds one with some pizza stuck to it.]'' That's better. My name's Hutch.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hi, Hutch. So what's with the obnoxious, shrieking voices? Are my fillings picking up The View?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': No, man. Truth is, it's other people's thoughts. You're a mind reader.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Although, actually, it was sort of obvious.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': You don't believe me? Take off the helmet.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I believe you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Seriously, do it. ''[Fry sighs and takes his hat off.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': Testing, testing. Do you read me?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Loud and clear.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': What?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I said, "Loud and clear." Only I said it with my thinker, not my talker.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Whoa! Freaky. Why can't I read your thoughts?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I don't know. Wait. What's that about a secret society?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': Never mind that. Just keep the foil on and you'll be okay. Also, it'll keep the Dark Ones from incinerating your brain.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': That's a plus.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch''': And don't ever, ever, ever tell anyone you can read minds, or the Dark Ones will get you like that. ''[He poorly snaps his fingers.]'' Hang on, pizza grease. Like that. ''[He snaps his fingers and Fry let's out a concerned wail.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Many robots are walking into a theatre that is presenting Gearotica. In the theatre, robot performers are lowered from the ceiling and dance with the music.]<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Clamps]]''': Jeez, get a load of the batteries on her. I'd like to get my clamps on those. Give her a jump, you know what I mean? ''[He laughs alone.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Donbot]]''': Whoa, whoa. Show some decorum there, Clamps. This ain't no strip show. This is a beguiling display of the pornographic arts.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Joey Mousepad]]''': Yo, Skip, I can see a guy's butt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael's Wife''': Oh, Michael, this is the perfect end to a perfect honeymoon.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': I love you so much.</poem><br />
:''[They move in to kiss, but Bender lands between them.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Is this seat taken?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': Actually, we...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Slide me those chicken wings. So what part of Podunk you rubes from?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Michael''': The north-eastern.</poem><br />
:''[Bender belches fire after drinking a bottle of red wine.]''<br />
:''[Two robots on stage move their hips on a gear until they are close enough to exchange a compact disc from one slot to another. The crowd applauds.]''<br />
<poem>'''Announcer''': Monsieurs et mademoiselles, our circus of the senses now arrives by steamboat in New Orleans, circa 2873. The muted lament of a trombone resonates through the fog, which lingers even now, months after the attack of the fog monster. With but one hope of restoring Gearoticus to his throne, our sensual fate rests in the gyrations of... Fanny.</poem><br />
:''[Fog covers the stage, but is blown away by the air movement from Fanny's fan, which is fixed to her rear end.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh. ''[He stops eating and watches Fanny move her fan around on stage. He stammers and his eyes extend out of his head to zoom in. They extend out farther, then his antenna extends and the woman next to him gasps.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Bender is scatting as he walks toward Fanny's dressing room door with flowers hidden behind him. He knocks on the door and Fanny answers.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Fanny]]''': Yes?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm Bender. Let's do it. ''[He holds out the flowers.]''</poem><br />
:''[The two stare at each other for a few seconds until the Donbot comes out of the dressing room with his gun cocked and pointed at Bender.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Who is it, the Feds?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He gasps.]'' Aren't you the Donbot, head of the Robot Mafia?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Allegedly. And this is my beloved wife, Fanny, whose honor I would proudly defend with a power drill. Well, I gotta go drown a stoolie.</poem><br />
:''[As soon as the bathroom door closes Bender and Fanny start kissing, Fanny's fan is spinning. Suddenly the Donbot opens the door and Bender and Fanny quickly separate]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': I'm gonna be in here a while, so do me a favor and drive my wife home. It's one of them self-driving cars, so just sit in the back and do whatever.</poem><br />
:''[They start kissing again. Fanny twangs Bender's antenna.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Oh, Bender, your lips are intoxicating. It's like kissing an ashtray full of hot wings.</poem><br />
:''[They resume kissing and fall to the floor.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender (As if he were speaking through a fan)''': Aww yeahh!</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Fry is peacefully walking down a street. He stops and lift his hat off. The voices grow louder and louder until he puts his hat back on.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': My God, I really can read minds. I have a superpower! There must be something great I can do with this.</poem><br />
:''[He gasps. Cut to Fry standing in front of a Women's locker room door. He removes his hat and quickly walks in.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Hello, ladies, I can read your thoughts. ''[Punches are heard and Fry is thrown out of the room.]'' Oh, wait, that's invisibility.</poem><br />
:''[Fry walks by a banner for Leo's Poker Tournament, back tracks to it and gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Telepathically)''': Poker. With my mind-reading abilities and my invisibility... Wait, no, just the mind reading. I can't lose!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Sign me up for the tournament, please.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Administrator''': Okey-doke, Jiffy Pop. Entry fee's 50,000 smackers.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': 50,000? Drat, all I have is my life savings and a token for free admission to this poker tournament.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Administrator''': Close enough. ''[He puts the wad of cash in his breast pocket.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': "ELZAR'S AT THE WONG" - The crew plus Fanny is occupying a booth in the restaurant.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': You're having an affair with the head of the robot mafia's wife?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (Off-screen)''': Yup, this is her I'm making out with.</poem><br />
:''[The entire table is shown, Bender and Fanny are laying in the center of it kissing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Bender, are you crazy?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No, it's Fry who's crazy in this one.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Psht, I'm not crazy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': You sure you're okay, Fry? I mean, you do have tin foil on your head.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': So? You've got a leech on your neck. Oh, and speaking of sucking on your neck, want to go to a movie later?</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Elzar]]''': Hey, there! How are you folks doing tonight?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Great. What are the specials?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Elzar''': Well, let's see now. We've got a wonderful grizzly bear that's been dipped in cornmeal and lightly tormented. Questions?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': What was the bear's name?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Elzar''': Jojo.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Ooh, I'll have him.</poem><br />
:''[Cut to the entrance of the restaurant, Donbot, Joey Mousepad and Clamps walk in. Fanny gasps, Bender yelps and moves half of his head into his body.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hide me!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': Hey, Donbot, ain't that your wife what with you had that wedding with?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': ''[While sauntering over to Donbot looking rather bloated.]'' Donbot, honey! What a pleasant shock! I was just having dinner alone, when suddenly you walk in on us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Alone, huh?</poem><br />
:''[Her body groans and Bender comes shooting out of her chest cavity.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Where am I? I was exploring a wormhole through space many light years from this restaurant, when suddenly I was surrounded by darkness. '''(To Fanny:)''' Hot, sexy darkness. ''[He purrs sensually.]'' Oh, why, hello, Donbot! Hello, miss, have we met? ''[He shakes Fanny's hand.]'' I'm Bender. The world's most sexual robot. I mean, the world's most boundary-respecting robot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Nice to see you, Bender. Welcome back to our universe. Listen, sugar, I stuck up the Burlington Coat Factory and got you a little something. It's a $49 value.</poem><br />
:''[He puts a white fur coat on her and she spins her fan and squeals with delight.]''<br />
<poem>'''Danny''': Donbot, I love you! '''(To Bender:)''' Not really.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Man, this is great! I always wanted to nail a dame in a fur coat, and now's my chance. ''[He catches himself.]'' I mean, if you'll introduce me to one, sir. '''(To Fanny:)''' One as sexy as you, baby! Bender out. ''[He struts away while humming/scatting. Zoom on Donbot's eyes, they squint, showing Donbot is onto Bender.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''[Establishing shot of the Wong Hotel & Casino. '''Scene''': Fanny and Bender walk through the Casino.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': I never felt so alive, Bender. Listen, this turquoise-encrusted bra is worth 50 grand. Let's sell it and run off before the Donbot gets wise.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He sighs.]'' No. It will take a lot more money than that to make a girl like you happy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': No, it won't.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yeah, it will. Shut up! We'll run off, but not till after I win the Universal Poker Championship! ''[He raises his hand to reveal his plan, reaches into Fanny's bosom, rips out the bra and slams it on the Administrator's counter.]'' One entry, please.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Bender, no! You can't beat the best players in the universe. You're not lucky enough.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh, no? I'm 40% lucky. ''[He bangs on his chest twice.]'' The scrap metal I'm made from included a truckload of horseshoes from the luckiest racehorses in Mexico, who had just been sent to a glue factory.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': They don't sound so lucky to me.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Not without their shoes.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The [[The Hip Joint Janitor|Hip Joint Janitor]] walks up to the railing of a casino that has a "Dancing Fountains" display in front of it. He dumps a bottle of Diet Slurm and a pack of Mentos into the water and the show begins. Pan over to Bender, who is getting his foot cups polished by a machine. He is cheerfully humming again and Fanny walks up to him.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Here, Bendy, take this. It will give you 70% more luck. It's the Donbot's lucky robot's foot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All right! With two kinds of luck, I can't lose.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': No, wait, three. I stepped on a leprechaun.</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad and Clamps stop in their car when they see Bender and Fanny together.]''<br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': Yo, you see this over here over there?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': I'm powering up the clamps.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': An old store titled "SMALL BILL'S LAUNDERING." The mafia trio sit in the back of the shop.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let us not rush to judgment.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Joey Mousepad''': But, Skip, that was your lucky robot's foot what came off of your lucky leg.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': ''[He turns his chair to the side and shows his missing appendage.]'' While it is true that I did wake up with only one foot this morning, there is no proof that my beloved Fanny was involved. Aside from the hacksaw I found under her pillow.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': Well, what about that Bender guy? You want I should give him the clamps?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Not yet, Clamps. Only one thing can prove that he has my lucky foot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': Torture with the clamps or a clamp-like device?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': No. We are gonna sit tight and see if he wins the poker tournament. He does, that proves he's packing my lucky foot, in which event...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clamps''': ''The clamps!'' Or a clamp-like device.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Penn & Teller are hosting the 3009 Universal Poker Tournament at the Wong Hotel.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''[[Penn Jillette]]''': Welcome viewers who fell asleep with the TV on! It's the 3009 no-limit hold 'em championship. ''[The crowd cheers.]'' I'm the massive head of Penn Jillette, and here with a color commentary, my partner Teller. ''[Teller's head is floating in his own jar. As always, he is deceased.]'' Our act really didn't change much when he died.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Pardon me, I'm new to this game. Is this duffle bag big enough for all your money? ''[He laughs and sits down at the table.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He walks up to the table.]'' Bender? Oh, boogers. We're in the same tournament. Quick, get your entry fee back before I bankrupt you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''Pfft!'' In your dreams, nutloaf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Bite my shiny metal hat.</poem><br />
:''[Graphic: "HAND 1." Leo Wong is the dealer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette (Whispering)''': Tex Connecticut, the pride of Kansas City, first to act. ''[He has a Queen and a Nine and calls the blinds.]'' Smiley Spiff, up next. ''[He has a Jack and a Ten and also calls.]'' Looks like Boobs Vanderbilt has a decent pair. Also, she's got two eights. ''[She calls.]'' And Bender Rodriguez picks up a lucky deal right off the bat. ''[He calls as well.]''</poem><br />
:''[Fry looks at his cards. Two Kings. He lifts his hat up a bit and reads Bender's mind.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender (Telepathically)''': Woo! Two aces. I'm thinking guitar solo. ''[He mimics a guitar solo.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''He puts his hat back down.]'' I fold.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': Holy crap! A stunning play by mentally ill newcomer Philip Fry. It's almost as if he knew Bender had two aces.</poem><br />
:''[Pull out of Penn's shot to reveal that he is sitting 20 or so feet from the game table.]''<br />
<poem>'''Boobs Vanderbilt'': Bender has two aces? I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tex Connecticut''': I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''[[Lrrr]]''': I'm out.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He laughs and pulls in the chips.]'' Suck my luck!</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad, Donbot and Clamps are sitting in the audience.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': See this gun? ''[He holds up a gun, but then he crumples it in his hand.]'' That's what I'm gonna do to Bender if he wins.</poem><br />
:''[Graphic: "Hand 6." Fry wins. Graphic: "Hand 13." Bender wins the pot, a gold watch and a human baby. Graphic: "Hand 79."]''<br />
<poem>'''Lrrr''': All in. Call my mighty bid at your peril. ''[He growls at the table. Fry lifts his hat.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': My cards are awful, and I need a hug.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': I call your bluff.</poem><br />
:''[Fry wins the hand. Lrrr growls at Fry.]''<br />
<poem>'''Lrrr''': I shall annihilate... ''Fry hugs him.]'' '''(Sobbing:)''' I just wanted to make my daddy proud.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Lrrr's Father''': Well, you didn't. I want you and your junk moved out by Monday.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': It's getting pretty intense, folks. Based on the state of decomposition of Teller's head, we're now in hour 19 of the tournament. And the first bad deal of the night for Bender.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Hey, pal, help me out here. ''[He holds up his cards - a Seven and a Two.]'' This is the worst possible hand, right?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Tex Connecticut: I'm all in.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All in! I mean, fold. Whatever.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': ''[Leo deals the flop.]'' Well, Bender's luck just ran out. No card can save him from elimination.</poem><br />
:''[Cut back to the table. A giant prop card falls on Tex Connecticut's neck and incapacitates him.]''<br />
<poem>'''Boobs Vanderbilt''': Oh, my gourds! He's dead. ''[A card falls on her as well.]''</poem><br />
:''[The killer cards total 21.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': 21, winner! ''[He pushes the chips to Bender.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Wooo! I'm so full of luck, it's shooting out like luck diarrhoea.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': Wake up, poker fans! We're down to our final two players in heads-up action for the Championship. Your perspective, Teller? ''[A rat eats Teller's left eye.]''</poem><br />
:''[Leo deals cards to Bender and Fry. Fry looks at his cards then raises his hat and looks at Bender, who has yet to look at his cards. Bender refuses to look at his cards. Cut to Donbot who is watching from the crowd and tries to crack his knuckles. He breaks off all of his fingers in the process.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': All in.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But-but, you didn't even look at your cards!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Looking at one's cards is a crutch for players who rely on skill.</poem><br />
:''[Fry lifts his hat again. Bender is scatting like a guitar. Fry lowers his hat and gulps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Any day now, Fry. You in or out?</poem><br />
:''[Fry stammers as he looks for an answer.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': What's the matter, Fry, you scared? Or just ''[He spins his head around and wiggles in fingers]'' crazy? ''[He laughs.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': All right, all in. ''[Leo deals the cards.]'' Yes! Four aces!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[Fry moves in to take the pot.]'' Ah-ah-ah. Read 'em and weep, and then tell me what they are.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Two kings. And with three on the board, that gives Bender five kings.</poem><br />
:''[The crowd gasps.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': But how is that...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jillette''': I don't believe it. Bender has just been dealt the King of Beers, a coaster from the bar that somehow got mixed into the deck. But it still counts!</poem><br />
:''[The crowd cheers and music begins playing.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Bender win the Championship!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He eats the money.]'' That's some good money. ''[He then belches fire.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': ''[She comes running over with a suitcase.]'' You did it, Bender. You're the greatest.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Tell me something I don't know, sweetass. Now, let's boogie. We'll be in Space Tahiti before the Donbot knows what hit him.</poem><br />
:''[As Bender is walking away from the table, he throws the Donbot's lucky robot's foot behind him and it strikes the Donbot in the face.]''<br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Now I am suspicious.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': A desert on Mars at night. Bender and Fanny are digging holes. They are illuminated by the Donbot's car headlights.<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Okay, we finished digging this shallow grave. Can we go now?</poem><br />
:''[The mafia trio then shoot Fanny and Bender for a while with machine guns. Part way through the shooting, Donbot stops to check the time and then resumes his firing. Cut to them driving away from the filled in graves.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Planet Express ship lands in the desert.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (Sobbing)''': Poor Bender left me one last voicemail before the Robot Mafia buried him in the desert.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender (On cell phone)''': Fry, old friend, before I die, I just wanted to say... ''[Beep.]'' Hang on, I'm getting another call. Hello? ''[The gun fire commences and Bender screams.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hermes''': Line up, people! Everyone take a shovel and one sixth of the planet. We'll meet back here in 50 years, our bodies broken and our lives wasted.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': And you say these are free shovels?</poem><br />
:''[There is a rumbling and a hole begins to form in the sand near them. As the dust settles Bender walks out of the hole with Fanny.]''<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm back, baby.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Bender! I thought the Robot Mafia killed you.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Nah, they just shot us and buried us a few times as a warning.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': Bender was so brave. He never stopped making out with me the whole time they were shooting us.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I sure didn't.</poem><br />
:''[Joey Mousepad pulls up with his car in the background.]''<br />
<poem>'''Fanny''': I gotta get back to my husband, baby. Will I see you tonight?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Probably not.</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': Mr. Wong is playing mini golf at his country club.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': It's a 14-footer with a clown hazard. What club you recommend, Baggy?</poem><br />
'''[[Baggy]]''': As on every hole, I suggest the putter.<br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Your golf club sure is classy, Mr. Wong. Naked statue classy.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong putts and ends up far from the hole and curses in Mandarin.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It is very nice. I just wish Amy and I didn't have to wear these sexist badges on our melons. ''[They stand up and show their badges that say "WOMAN."]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': We're lucky even to play as guests, Leela. Dad's club has a very strict "No girls allowed" policy.</poem><br />
:''[Mr. Wong putts again and misses, then curses wildly again.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That doesn't seem fair.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': It really is. Everybody knows women don't have the focus to play miniature golf at a professional level.</poem><br />
:''[Amy makes her putt right through the clown's legs and lands it right next to the hole.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But that's the best shot of the day!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Is that my ball? I think that my ball.</poem><br />
:''[He claims Amy's ball as his own, but still misses his small putt and curses in Mandarin again.]''<br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Pfft, great putt, Dad.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Okay, we're done.</poem><br />
:''[The sprinklers turn on.]''<br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Mr. Wong, how do you keep this place so green in the middle of the desert? Doesn't that waste a lot of water?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Nah, we got plenty water, pumped directly from flamingo lake. ''[The flamingos sitting in the lake are sucked into the drain with all of the water.]'' They'll be fine. ''[Pink feathers are expelled from the sprinklers.]''</poem><br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The four are travelling in a golf cart.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Oh, yeah, I love miniature golf. Love everything about it, except how damn miniature it is. That's why I'm building the universe's biggest miniature golf course.</poem><br />
:''[A crane picks up a ball the size of the golf car and drops it into a large cannon.]''<br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': This the first tee.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Where's the hole?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': On Pluto's moon, Hydra. It's a six-billion-mile par-two. Tough shot, even for a man. ''[Leela groans. Mr. Wong adjusts the cannon with a dial near the tee. He strikes the button that fires the ball and everybody rushes over to a row of binoculars.]'' '''(Leo VO)''': Around the sun. Bank off Jupiter. And right into the... ''[The ball lands short of the hole and Mr. Wong curses in Mandarin.]'' I'll be right back. ''[He gets in a golf cart that has a dome over it and flies to Hydra. Fry, Leela and Amy watch from the binoculars. Mr. Wong smacks the giant ball his his putter, but it stops on the edge of the hole. He growls and curses in Mandarin. He bounces over to the ball and smacks his with his putter again, then kicks it.]'' It dropped in! Put me down for a two.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Amy''': Two. ''[She writes down 8.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Keep in mind, that just the first hole. For full course, we gonna bulldoze this entire arm of the Milky Way.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': What? You're gonna wipe out 10% of the galaxy for a stupid golf course?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': First of all, it 12% . Second, yes, you betcha.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': But you have no idea what life forms might be evolving out there.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong'''': That's exactly why I'm hiring an impartial scientist to perform an environmental survey. That's him in the money shower.</poem><br />
:''[Farnsworth is in the money shower, giggling.]''<br />
<br />
<br />
:''['''Scene''': The Planet Express Ship is flying through a field of asteroids. A light from the turret on the ship scans the space boulders for life.]''<br />
<br />
<poem>'''Fry (VO)''': Delivery boy's log. Having fallen asleep on what I thought was the toilet, I awoke to find the environmental survey in progress.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Status reports, Science Officer.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Zilcho. No sign of life or intelligence. ''[He laughs.]'' '''(Telepathically)''': Just like Fry on a date.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He laughs.]'' Hey!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, so we haven't found any life yet. I still don't see why you men can't be happy with regular-sized miniature golf.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Leela, evolution has programmed our fabulous male brains to take anything anybody else thinks is important and make it bigger. ''[He takes a slurp of a "128oz. Big Burp."] ''Have you seen my new 301-inch TV?</poem><br />
:''[He presses a button on a remote and a large TV descends at the front of the ship.]''<br />
<poem>'''Announcer''': Hypnotoad is brought to you by the MagnaPhallix 302-inch TV. It's bigger!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, hell! ''[He throws his beverage at the TV and it falls apart.]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[An alarm sounds.]'' Captain, I'm detecting life on the spock-o-scope!</poem><br />
:''[Leela gasps. The ship hovers over the planet. Cut to a fish-like creature waddles onto land. It uses its fins as feet and walks around. Pan up to flowers blooming and flying insects pollinating them.]'' <br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's amazing. It's like a textbook on evolution.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Except in Kansas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': But isn't Mr. Wong building the 18th hole here? And the golf pants museum?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Indeed so. This whole area will be incinerated when he implodes that sun there into a black hole.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': That beautiful violet star?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': It's so you can't keep your ball at the end of the game.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Yo, that's messed up.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Well, there won't be any imploding once they read our environmental review. Right, Professor?</poem><br />
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ohh, twaddle-squat. There's no scientific consensus that life is important.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yeah. Life, schmife.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Clip Board''': ''[Farnsworth checks an option.]'' Approved for demolition.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's you and me, ponytail. ''[He cracks her pony tail like a whip.]''</poem></div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Miscellany_of_Into_the_Wild_Green_Yonder&diff=47686Miscellany of Into the Wild Green Yonder2009-07-27T20:21:47Z<p>Mini-Me: /* Technical Goofs */ Mini golf par</p>
<hr />
<div>[[Category:Media|Into the Wild Green Yonderb]][[Category:Episodes|Into the Wild Green Yonderb]][[Category:Direct-to-DVD Films|Into the Wild Green Yonderb]]<br />
{{miscellany|Into the Wild Green Yonder}}<br />
<br />
==Quotes==<br />
{{q|<br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Wow, Mars Vegas. Long live the eternal city.<br />
'''Mr. Wong''': Two, One, Zero! ''[Presses plunger, and blows up Mars Vegas]''<br />
'''Bender''': Rest in Hell, Crapville!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Yo, you need any girders bent I know a guy.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Take that, you stupid Mother Nature.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Frida Waterfall''': Let's hit 'em hard.<br />
'''Eco-feminists''': [singing] This land is your land, this land is our land...</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dr. Zoidberg''': I don't quite know how to say this; Fry is dead.<br />
'''Fry''': Oooow ''[Fry stirs, alive]''<br />
'''Dr. Zoidberg''': Wait not dead, the other thing.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Mr. Wong''': Damn eco-brods. You can't even spray for eagles without upsetting these cucks.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Professor Farnsworth''': Ah! Cyprinodon martius. The desert muck leech. Amazingly, the entire species lives in this one tiny stinkhole. [To Mr. Wong] Killing these will be so much easier than exterminating those ponies. ''[Imitates pony trotting, then gunfire, then a pony neighing]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Dr. Zoidberg''': Look out, Vegas, I've got a system. ''[Uses slot machine while laughing, then abruptly stops]'' Oh. I'm bankrupt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Fry, calm down and stop braining.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[about Fry]'' Man, I'm worried about him but not enough to stop gambling for even a single second.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch Waterfall''': Also it'll keep the Dark Ones from incinerating your brain.<br />
'''Fry''': That's a plus.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': Whoa. Whoa. Show some decorum there, Clamps. This ain't no strip show. This is a beguiling display of the pornographic arts.<br />
'''Joey Mousepad''': Yo Skip. I can see a guy's butt.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm Bender. Let's do it.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Donbot''': And this is my beloved wife, Fanny, whose honor I would proudly defend with a power drill. Well, I gotta go drown a stoolie.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': [To Leela] Speaking of sucking on your neck, wanna go to a movie later?<br />
'''Elzar''': We've got a wonderful grizzly bear that been dipped in cornmeal and lightly tormented.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm 40% lucky. The scrap metal I'm from included a truckload of horse shoes from the luckiest racehorses in Mexico, who had just been sent to a glue factory.<br />
'''Fanny''': They don't sound so lucky to me.<br />
'''Bender''': Not without their shoes.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I stepped on a leprechaun.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jilette''': Welcome viewers who fell asleep with the TV on! It's the 3009 no-limits Hold 'Em Championship. I'm the massive head of Penn Jilette and here with the color commentary, my partner Teller. Our act really didn't change much when he died.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Fry''': Bite my shiny metal hat.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Penn Jilette''': Looks like Boobs Vanderbilt has a decent pair. Also she's got two eights.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': [thinking] Ooh. Two aces, I'm thinking guitar solo. ''[Mimics guitar solo]''</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': I'm so full of luck, it's shooting out like luck diarrhea.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Looking at one's cards is a crutch for players who rely on skill.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': It's a 14-footer with a clown hazard. What club you recommend, Baggy?<br />
'''Baggy''': As on every hole, I suggest the putter.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's [Leo Wong's miniature golf course] very nice. I just wish Amy and I didn't have to wear these sexist badges on our melons.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': Oh, yeah, I love miniature gold. Love everything about it, except how damn miniature it is.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Professor Farnsworth''': Status report science officer.<br />
'''Bender''': Zilcho. No signs of life or intelligence. [cackling] [thinking] Just like Fry on a date.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Bender''': Captain, I'm detecting life on the spock-o-scope!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': It's amazing. It's like a textbook on evolution.<br />
'''Fry''': Except in Kansas.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leo Wong''': So get out, or I'll have vice-president Agnew's headless body throw you out.<br />
'''Leela''': I'd like to see him try.<br />
'''President Nixon's head''': Me too. Should look funny. Sic 'em, Agnew.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Full power to the vagyroscope!</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': Now, unfortunately, the media is going to put a negative spin on this, like when we killed that guy, so to win public support, we'll need a lovable mascot.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Squirm all you want, you nasty dumpling. One less species for the universe, one more breakfast for...<br />
'''Leela''': Zoidberg?<br />
'''Zoidberg''': Leela. Me saving things the leech. Not the eating of it.<br />
'''Leela''': Zoidberg, I'm very surprised at you, slightly.</poem><br />
<poem>'''Leela''': [to Fry] Goodbye sweet goofbag.<br />
'''Bender''': [Sighs] I'll miss her, too, buddy. Dibs on her iPod.<br />
'''Zoidberg''': Dibs on... [moans]</poem><br />
<poem>'''Hutch Waterfall''' You see, the fate of the universe depends on you.<br />
'''Fry''': Yeah, I get that a lot.</poem><br />
|2}}<br />
<br />
==Characters in the Audience Scene==<br />
[[Image:Audience.png|centre|750px]]<br />
{{clear}}<br />
{{colbegin|colwidth=20em}}<br />
===Front row table===<br />
*[[Inez Wong]]<br />
*[[Zapp Brannigan]]<br />
*[[Kif]]<br />
*[[Mom]]<br />
*[[Calculon]]<br />
*[[Snoop Dogg's head]]<br />
*[[Richard Nixon]]<br />
===Audience===<br />
*[[Smitty and URL]] <br />
*[[Globetrotters]]<br />
*[[Walt, Larry and Igner]]<br />
*[[Mayor C. Randall Poopenmeyer]]<br />
*[[Donbot]]<br />
*[[Fanny]]<br />
*[[Ethan 'Bubblegum' Tate]]<br />
*[[Curly Joe]]<br />
*Rest of the [[Globetrotters]]<br />
*[[Elzar]]<br />
*[[Clamps]]<br />
*[[Joey Mousepad]]<br />
*[[Mayor's Secretary]]<br />
*[[Chaz]]<br />
*[[Monique]]<br />
*[[Robot Elders]]<br />
*[[Schlomo]]<br />
*[[Unit 2013]] <br />
*[[21st Century girl]]<br />
*[[Abner Doubledeal]]<br />
*[[Hair Robot]]<br />
*[[Jellyfish Nurse]]<br />
*[[Pay 'n' Chew Robot]]<br />
*[[Human Horn]] seller<br />
*[[The Crushinator]]<br />
*[[Whale Biologist]]<br />
*[[Enema Bot]]<br />
*[[Yarn People]]<br />
*[[iHawk]]<br />
*[[Randy Munchnik]]<br />
*[[Michelle]]<br />
*[[Hydroponic Farmer]]<br />
*[[Sal's Fellow]]<br />
*[[Dr. Ogden Wernstrom]] and his [[:Image:Wernstrom students.PNG|graduate students]]<br />
*Ratman and his girlfriend<br />
*[[Turanga Morris and Munda]]<br />
*[[Matt Groening's head]]<br />
*[[Human Friend]]<br />
*[[Humorbot 5.0]]<br />
*[[The Monks of Shubah]]<br />
*[[Ndulu]]<br />
*[[Koji]]<br />
*[[Lulubelle 7]]<br />
*[[Big Apple Bank teller]] <br />
*[[Miss Vega 4]]<br />
*[["Fishy" Joseph Gilman]]<br />
*[[Cartridge Unit]]<br />
*[[Lisa]] <br />
*[[Lou]]<br />
*[[Terry]]<br />
*[[Roberto]]<br />
*[[Robot Devil]]<br />
*[[Hyper-Chicken]]<br />
*[[Hattie McDoogal]] <br />
*[[Neutral President]]<br />
*[[Craterface]]<br />
*[[Legion of Mad Fellows]] <br />
*[[iZac]]<br />
*[[Hypnotoad]]<br />
*[[Reverend Lionel Preacherbot]]<br />
*[[Morbo]]<br />
*[[Fawn]]<br />
*[[Crack Addict]]<br />
*[[Sunset Squad Robot]]<br />
*Unnamed Robot (Blatherbot)<br />
*[[Harold Zoid]]<br />
*[[The Grand Midwife]]<br />
*[[Morgan Proctor]]<br />
*[[Glab]]<br />
*[[Alcazar]] <br />
*[[Alcazar]]'s would-have-been wives<br />
*[[Fratbots]]<br />
*[[Flexo]]<br />
*[[Angleyne]]<br />
*[[Robot Santa]]<br />
*[[Guenter]]<br />
*[[Chanukah Zombie]]<br />
*[[Kwanzaa-bot]] <br />
*[[Jackie Anderson]]<br />
*[[Cygnoids]]<br />
*[[Trisolians]]<br />
*[[Sunset Squad Chasers|Sunset Squad Chaser]]<br />
*Spotty Teen Robot<br />
*[[Femputer]] <br />
*[[Nude Bartender]]<br />
*[[Dr. Perceptron]]<br />
*[[Malfunctioning Eddie]] <br />
*[[The Zookeeper]] <br />
*[[Robot 1-X]]<br />
*[[Amazonians]]<br />
*[[Brain Ball]]<br />
*[[Destructor]] <br />
*[[Billionaire Bot]] <br />
*[[Fnog]]<br />
*[[Hermaphrobot]]<br />
*[[Father Changstein El-Gamal]]<br />
*[[Grunka Lunkas]] <br />
*[[Farnsworth's Girlfriend]]<br />
*[[Sal]]<br />
*[[Ndnd]]<br />
*[[Lrrr]]<br />
*[[Native Martians]]<br />
*[[Horrible Gelatinous Blob]]<br />
*[[Slurm Queen]] <br />
*[[Sewer Mutants]]<br />
*[[Sportsbot 5000]]<br />
*[[Warden Vogel]] <br />
*[[Adlai Atkins]] <br />
*[[Mrs. Mellonger]]<br />
*[[Victor]]<br />
*[[Unnamed Zebra]]<br />
*[[Helmut Spargle]]<br />
*[[Decapodians]]<br />
*[[Dr. Cahill]]<br />
*[[Helper]]<br />
*[[Nurse Ratchet]]<br />
*Man and woman with censored clothes<br />
*Fry, Bender, and Leela's replacements (From [[When Aliens Attack]])<br />
*Referee of the [[Ultimate Robot Fighting]] League<br />
*Army Recruitment Officer from [[War Is the H-Word]]<br />
{{colend}}<br />
<br />
==Characters in the [[Opening Sequence]]==<br />
{{colbegin|colwidth=20em}}<br />
*[[Cygnoids]]<br />
*[[21st Century Girl]]<br />
*[[Hattie McDoogal]]<br />
*[[Hedonismbot]]<br />
*[[H. G. Blob]]<br />
*[[Ipgee]]<br />
*[[Professor Farnsworth]]<br />
*[[Amy]]<br />
*[[Zoidberg]]<br />
*[[Hermes]]<br />
*[[Planet Express Ship]]<br />
*[[Bender]]<br />
*[[Leela]]<br />
*[[Fry]]<br />
*[[Ratman]] and his girlfriend<br />
*an ad for [[Torgo's Executive Powder]]<br />
{{colend}}<br />
<br />
==General Trivia==<br />
*It is also implied in the [[Commentary:Bender's Big Score|commentary]] of Bender's Big Score that Bender's materials will cause him to melt in hundreds of thousands of years. <!-- And let me explain why it is "of" and "or". In the commentary of Bender's Big Score, they make it clear it is "or" because otherwise it would have caused him to melt, and therefore it was not "of" in Bender's Big Score. If you use your phrasing with "or", he would have melted in BBS, which he didn't, ergo, it is "of". --> Though despite this, it does not occur in the film.<br />
*The writers have been quoted, at [[wikipedia:Comic-Con International|Comic-Con International]] 2008, saying that there is a "scene" containing "all of the characters" from Futurama, all clearly distinguishable. This was true until, due to a joke within the film, they had to take out the child characters.<br />
*Tickle Me Bender dolls are an obvious parody of [[wikipedia:Sesame Street|Sesame Street's]] [[wikipedia:Tickle Me Elmo|Tickle Me Elmo]] dolls.<br />
*A 308" screen can be seen later for some short time, continuing the joke about the Professor's size problem (only 301").<br />
*The Australian release of this film falls on the eve of the anniversary of ''[[Bender's Big Score]]'''s Australian release date.<br />
*[[wikipedia:Robby the Robot|Robby the Robot]] will make another cameo appearance in this movie, the first being in {{flink|The Beast with a Billion Backs}}.<br />
*In this movie, the Feminista's pink camouflage outfits are similar to the Zoidberg-stained outfits from {{elink|3ACV13|Bendin' in the Wind}} and the Professor wears his driving gear from {{elink|4ACV09|Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles}}.<br />
*"Bender, are you crazy?" "No, it's Fry who's crazy in this one!" refers to when Bender went insane in [[Bender's Game]], and is also an obvious fourth wall break.<br />
**Additionally, the very last scene, while not a true break of the fourth wall, seems to refer to the uncertainty of whether this is the last of the series.<br />
*Right before Bender bends the brick wall, they abandon most of the eco-feminist group.<br />
*In the crowd scene near the end, the break in the glass is explained as not causing a life support problem (in the commentary) due to a force field. Apparently there was also such a force field on the construction site where [[Fry]] was working when [[Bender]] tapped his phone.<br />
*There are many risque jokes in the film, including [[Fanny]] twanging Bender's Antennae, Bender's Antennae growing in size, and two robots with disk drives on their crotch areas, with the Manbot transferring a disk to the Fembot.<br />
*This is the only time we have ever seen the [[Hypnotoad]] in a state where it has stopped hypnotizing long enough for its eye color to return to normal.<br />
*This also the only time that Fry's lack of the delta brainwave has come into play without [[Nibbler]] playing a part.<br />
*Destroying 12% of a galaxy would seriously upset its gravitational balance, possibly by enough to make it come apart altogether.<br />
*The scene where Fry lectures [[Number 9 Man|Nine]] on his presentation is made to poke fun at how different history lessons are told in Films than real life.<br />
*The scene where Bender is dressed up as, and acts like a hooker is yet another instance of Bender acting feminine.<br />
*The Earth Supreme Court is made up of current United States justices Samuel Alito, Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and celebrities Snoop Dogg (chief justice), Bjork, Paula Abdul, Janeane Garofalo, and the voice of Leela, Katey Sagal.<br />
*A black hole is supposed to be used as a ball return after the 18th hole. This would mean that Black Holes in futurama act similarly to wormholes, however they are not typically used as such because of the fact that humans can not survive the trip through one, unlike the wormholes.<br />
*Although, officially, there is no confirmation as to which species evolved into the [[Encyclopods]]/[[Dark Ones]], there is evidence that the original intention was for it to be the snakes/frogs respectively. The frogs have an appearance that people are more likely to associate with evil, additionally the eyes of the snakes/frogs closely resemble the eyes of the Encyclopods/Dark Ones, and are even the same color.<br />
**This would also explain why the Encyclopods died out where the Dark Ones barely survived. The frogs started the war by eating the snakes, gaining a slight numbers advantage from the start.<br />
*The only characters who appear in both this film and [[Space Pilot 3000]] are Fry, Leela, Bender, Professor Farnsworth, Michelle, Smitty, URL, Ipgee, Terry, Lou, Nixon, and the Number nine man (Including background, non-speaking characters).<br />
*It is interesting that the [[Brainspawn]] never used foil to block out the thoughts of others. Since they know so much, they should be fully aware of such a solution.<br />
*During the rally at Leo Wong's minature golf course, Leela urges them to protect the Violet Dwarf star "at Galactic Coordinates 167.84, -58.03 Mark 948." These Galactic Coordinates are located in the [[wikipedia:Cetus|Cetus]] constellation, otherwise known as "the whale" (likely a reference to "Save the Whale" campaigns), specifically the star [[wikipedia:Mira|Mira]]. [[wikipedia:Gospel of Mark|Mark]] [http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Bible_%28King_James%29/Mark#9:48 9:48 is a bible verse] which states "where THEIR WORM DOES NOT DIE, AND THE FIRE IS NOT QUENCHED."<br />
[[Image:Leo Wong - Five fingers.png|thumb|right|[[Leo Wong]] holds up five fingers!]]<br />
*The Encyclopod must also have the ability to communicate through mind-reading, as it can talk to people through the vacuum of space.<br />
**It must also have it's breathing organs in it's pouch, since the pouch has oxygen-releasing trees, and the Encyclopod can breath in space.<br />
*At the end of the poker game, when Leo announces that Bender has five kings, he holds up a his hand, with five digits on it.<br />
*[[Number 9 Man|9]] says they've been "grokking some super-weird junk." [[wiktionary:grok|Grok]] is an esoteric word, and another example of "nerd-humor" being used in Futurama. Use of the word implies a deep knowledge of a subject. Interestingly, the subtitles spell both "grok" and "grokking" correctly.<br />
*Despite [[the Professor]] stating that once entering the [[wormhole]], they may never be able to return, judging by their current location, they entered the ball return of the golfcourse and so they should come out at the 18th hole.<br />
<br />
===Gambling Machines===<br />
*Wheel of Fortran<br />
*Pull my Finger<br />
*Yank me doodle-dandy<br />
*Poverty Party<br />
*Granny's Last Nickel<br />
*Coins-B-Gone<br />
*Quarter Pounder<br />
<br />
===Protest Signs===<br />
*MARS NEEDS WOMYN!<br />
*KEEP THE <span style="color:red">RED</span> PLANET <span style="color:green">GREEN</span><br />
*ECO-MANIAC<br />
*<span style="color:green">WE'RE TEED OFF!</span><br />
*<span style="color:blue">CLUB LEO'S MEMBERS</span> <br />
*LESS GOLF, MORE <span style="color:green">GREENS!</span><br />
*<span style="color:green">SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT,</span> ''' ''<span style="color:red">WO-MANDATE LEO'S RETIREMENT!</span>'' '''<br />
*<span style="color:blue">MEN ARE DORKS!</span><br />
*<span style="color:blue">ADAM, I'M</span> <span style="color:purple">MADAM</span><br />
*<span style="color:blue">A WOMYN'S WORK IS NEVER DUMB</span> <br />
*SAVE THE <span style="color:#971">FEMALE</span> SPOTTED OWL!<br />
*(A picture of the female gender symbol with a fist in the hole)<br />
<br />
===Alien Language Sightings===<br />
<br />
'''Time''': 00:42 <br /><br />
'''Location''': A sign under the rollercoaster in the intro<br /><br />
'''Language''': [[Alien Languages#AL1|AL1]]<br /><br />
'''Translation''': CAUTION: FALLING HUMANS<br />
<br />
'''Time''':<br /><br />
'''Location''': The title caption<br /><br />
'''Language''': [[Alien Languages#AL1|AL1]]<br /><br />
'''Translation''': THE HUMANS SHALL NOT DEFEAT US<br />
<br />
==Allusions==<br />
*The scene with the guy mixing [[Slurm]] and Mentos is a reference to the chemical reaction between Diet Coke and normal white Mentos.<br />
*[[Mars Vegas]] is an obvious allusion to Las Vegas, Nevada. Many of the Mars Vegas casinos are parodies of current Las Vegas casinos. The Wong is a parody of [[wikipedia:Wynn Las Vegas|the Wynn]] (in both building design and wordmark), Botany Bay is a parody of [[wikipedia:Mandalay Bay|Mandalay Bay]] (and is named for the [[startrek:SS Botany Bay|SS Botany Bay]], which it also resembles), Miragio is a combination of [[wikipedia:The Mirage|The Mirage]] and [[wikipedia:Bellagio|Bellagio]], The Venutian is a parody of [[wikipedia:The Venetian (Las Vegas)|The Venetian]], Excalibot is a parody of [[wikipedia:Excalibur Hotel and Casino|Excalibur]], and Buggalo Bill's is a parody of [[wikipedia:Buffalo Bill's|Buffalo Bill's]], even though it is not actually not in Las Vegas, but 40 miles south in Primm, Nevada. <br />
*The sand worm the Wongs and the Planet Express crew are riding in the beginning of the movie is most likely a parody of the [[wikipedia:Las Vegas Monorail|Las Vegas Monorail]]. The worm is also a clear allusion to the [[wikipedia:Sandworm_(Dune)|sandworms]] of Frank Herbert's [[wikipedia:Dune_(novel)|Dune]]. The Wongs appear to be steering the sand worm using [[wikipedia:Maker_hooks#M|maker hooks]].<br />
*In the introduction sequence, the Planet Express ship flies through a pedestrian mall similar to Las Vegas' [[wikipedia:Fremont Street Experience|Fremont Street]].<br />
*The line from [[Penn Jillette]] "our act really didn't change much when he died" is a joke on how Teller isn't supposed to ever talk onscreen during their show.<br />
*The Keeler Gap, [[Keeler Crater]] and the 2261 Keeler asteroid are all existing astronomical locations in our [[Solar System]], though, not named after [[Ken Keeler]], the main writer of the film, but after [[wikipedia:James Edward Keeler|James Edward Keeler]], an unrelated astronomer.<br />
*The painting covering the safe in the White House is a reference to the Coppertone logo.<br />
*When Zapp Brannigan, Kif, and Bender sing songs from the 80's, they sing Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf".<br />
<br />
==Goofs==<br />
===Technical Goofs===<br />
Following are goofs in the film due to overlooking details and drawing errors.<br />
*Once again, the Nimbus is smaller than usual, in comparison to the Planet Express Ship, and at one point, it even seemed smaller than it.<br />
*When the crew and Kif escape from Zapp in the final minutes, Kif is wearing his good uniform, but when they go into the wormhole, he is wearing his usual uniform<br />
*The crack in the glass at the end crowd scene changes shape throughout the scene.<br />
*Fry said it was 5 years ago that the [[Native Martians]] left the planet, meaning they left in {{year|3004}}. However they actually left in {{year|3002}}.<br />
*The Hypnotoad in the audience scene is way bigger than usual.<br />
**As are various others, like Guenter.<br />
**It should also be noted that other beings, like the amazonians, are smaller than they were originally.<br />
*In the audience scene, [[Sewer Mutants]] are seen, even though mutants are not allowed out of the sewers.<br />
**Also seen is [[Helmut Spargle]], who died in the episode "[[The 30% Iron Chef]]".<br />
*[[Craterface]] is able to show emotion, even though he is wearing a large mask. His mouth also moves, though in his original appearance it did not.<br />
*At the start, when Leela is attacked by the Leech/Dark One, Fry is shown to be behind her when he should have been knocked out.<br />
*When the [[Feministas]] captured the Wongs in the cage, Frida Waterfall is shown on the Planet Express ship even though Leela said she was at the Hunnybun Hideout.<br />
*The fence was supposed to be a billion miles long, but it clearly wasn't when it captured the Wongs.<br />
**Though, they could just have used some of it.<br />
*At the countdown from ten to one, the Legion of Mad Fellows are cheering too, even though they are against it.<br />
**However, this could be so that the Mad Fellows blend in with the crowd, and are not suspected by the Dark Ones.<br />
*When the Feministas enter the Planet Express Ship, they walk through a closed door.<br />
*When the professor says that money talks, he holds up a $5 bill. When they zoom in on the bill it is clearly in the hand of Hermes. When the camera zooms out again, the bill is back in Farnsworth's hand.<br />
*Leo Wong describes the first of his "Space Holes" as a par 2, however the score card shows it as a par 3.<br />
<br />
===Physics Goofs===<br />
The following physics goofs contradict current understanding of the laws of physics and have potential explanations because our knowledge of physical laws is incomplete. New inventions in the 31st century may also contribute possible explanations.<br />
*In the scene where The [[Nimbus]] gets sliced open, the suffocating soldiers' bodies should be swelling(but not bursting) due to the out-gassing of the moisture within their bodies. The vacuum of space would also cause visible skin damage.<br />
*Bouncing an objective off of a Gas Giant, while theoretically possible at high enough speeds, assuming the theory that they get more solid as you get closer to the core holds true, would significantly reduce the object's speed. The golf ball seemed not to lose any speed. It is also way bigger in proportion to Jupiter than it is to Mars.<br />
*The [[Planet Express Ship]] can travel to the edge the universe in one week. The professor saying that the wormhole would send them far enough away that they don't know if they'll ever come back would mean they'd have to either be sent outside the universe, or to a different universe. If it's the former then that means that the universe is far less than 1 quadrillion light years in diameter (which is known to be false). If it's the latter, it means there is another universe, which is inescapable, within 1 quadrillion miles of the specific wormhole. <br />
**However, the ship is now using whale oil instead of dark matter which may make it slower. The ship being slower creates another problem, as, should the series continue, it would require the writers to either limit the scope of any future episodes, or come up with a way to make it faster again.<br />
**The ship also only ever traveled to the ''edge'' of the universe (excluding the non-[[canon]] journey to the [[Bogad|furthest corner]] in [[Futurama (video game)|the game]]). It's possible that our local cluster of galaxies is nearer to one edge than the other.<br />
*The sugar should not have been able to be poured into the fuel tank, as there is no gravity in space.<br />
**Although Saturn's ring's may have gravity, it's impossible at this point in time to know how strong or how much it would be effected by the sweeper removing its matter.<br />
**It is known that all known ships have artificial gravity. It's possible that this field extends a small distance beyond the hull, making it affect the sugar.<br />
**Also the smoke from the sweeper would spread equally in all directions without gravity. Although, this could be explained by the above explanation.<br />
*The worms in the organic potato should not have been alive in the vacuum of space<br />
*The scent of the burnt potato Could not have traveled 100s of 1000s of miles through the vacuum of space to [[Leo Wong]]'s location, especially not in mere seconds.<br />
**Additionally, from the rings, Saturn would appear much bigger than it did in the film. It should basically fill the screen. And any part to Saturn's side shouldn't have such a pronounced curve.<br />
**On top of that, for the sweeper to make such a large gap in the rings it would need to be massive, as in moon-sized or such. It is big, but nowhere near the size it needs be.<br />
*The Encyclopod is able to move through space by flapping it's "wings," which is impossible, since there is no atmosphere to push him forward.<br />
*If the Encyclopod uses phycic powers to communicate with people through the vacuum of space, it could not have heard the [[Number 9 Man]]'s talking since he was wearing tinfoil. Though it could have heard the thoughts of someone hearing [[Number 9 Man]] speak.</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:ItwgyAsteroid.jpg&diff=47628File:ItwgyAsteroid.jpg2009-07-27T00:30:39Z<p>Mini-Me: Updated. Thanks for the directions.</p>
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<div>Asteroid creatures</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:ItwgyAsteroid.jpg&diff=47627File:ItwgyAsteroid.jpg2009-07-27T00:30:06Z<p>Mini-Me: uploaded a new version of "File:ItwgyAsteroid.jpg": HD update</p>
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<div>Asteroid creatures<br />
{{Image update}}</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File_talk:ItwgyAsteroid.jpg&diff=47359File talk:ItwgyAsteroid.jpg2009-07-23T02:12:56Z<p>Mini-Me: Scene Location</p>
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<div>Where the hell is this scene? I've skimmed through the movie a few times now and can only find the "money shot" version. -[[User:Mini-Me|Mini-Me]] 02:12, 23 July 2009 (UTC)</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:ItwgyAsteroid.jpg&diff=47358File:ItwgyAsteroid.jpg2009-07-23T02:11:23Z<p>Mini-Me: </p>
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<div>Asteroid creatures<br />
{{Image update}}</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:LastEncyclopod.jpg&diff=47357File:LastEncyclopod.jpg2009-07-23T02:03:36Z<p>Mini-Me: uploaded a new version of "File:LastEncyclopod.jpg"</p>
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<div></div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=Martian_Reservation&diff=47356Martian Reservation2009-07-23T02:00:02Z<p>Mini-Me: /* Gallery */ Add ItWGY scene.</p>
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<div>[[Category:Places]]<br />
{{place infobox<br />
|name=Martian Reservation<br />
|image=[[Image:MartianReservation.png|225px]]<br />
|location=Beneath the Great Stone Face of Mars<br />
|planet=[[Mars]]<br />
|first appear={{elink|3ACV10|Where the Buggalo Roam}}<br />
|inhabited by=[[Native Martians]]<br />
}}<br />
<br />
The '''Martian Reservation''' is the underground reservation where the [[Native Martians]] were forced to migrate following their trade with Sir Reginald Wong (of the [[Wong Family]]) of all the land on [[Mars]] for a single bead. Many years later, they felt "heap great buyers remorse" and wanted to trade back. The Wong family wanted no part of the trade, so the Martians kidnapped their daughter, [[Amy Wong]]. When they discovered that the bead was actually a giant diamond, they gladly abandoned the planet, satisfied with their original deal. When the native Martians left, this underground complex seems to have been commandeered for temporary use by the [[Legion of Mad Fellows]], and the [[Feministas]]; who used a side chamber at the same time. <br />
<br />
==Additional Info==<br />
<br />
===Trivia===<br />
*The Great Stone Face of Mars is a real place, called [[wikipedia:Cydonia Mensae|Cydonia Mensae]].<br />
<br />
===Appearances===<br />
*{{elink|3ACV10|Where the Buggalo Roam}}<br />
*{{f|4}}<br />
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===Gallery===<br />
<gallery perrow="6"><br />
Image:GreatStoneNoseofMars.png|The entrance to the Martian Reservation<br />
Image:MartianReservationPeacePipeTeepee.png|The Peace Pipe teepee within the reservation<br />
Image:MartianReservationBeadRoom.png|The room where [[Kif]] was to be crushed by the bead<br />
Image:MartianBead.png|The "bead" that was traded for half of the land on [[Mars]]<br />
Image:Kif Drawing.jpg|A drawing of Kif, Amy and [[Bender]] with the bead on a wall in the reservation<br />
</gallery></div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:Violet_Dwarf_Star.png&diff=47355File:Violet Dwarf Star.png2009-07-23T01:50:41Z<p>Mini-Me: uploaded a new version of "File:Violet Dwarf Star.png": HD Update</p>
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<div></div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:Chi.png&diff=47354File:Chi.png2009-07-23T01:48:30Z<p>Mini-Me: uploaded a new version of "File:Chi.png": HD Update</p>
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<div></div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:Boobs_Vanderbilt.png&diff=47353File:Boobs Vanderbilt.png2009-07-23T01:48:12Z<p>Mini-Me: uploaded a new version of "File:Boobs Vanderbilt.png": HD Update</p>
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<div></div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:Snoop_Dogg%27s_Head.jpg&diff=47352File:Snoop Dogg's Head.jpg2009-07-23T01:34:20Z<p>Mini-Me: uploaded a new version of "File:Snoop Dogg's Head.jpg": Better image.</p>
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<div></div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:MaxiPadlock.jpg&diff=47351File:MaxiPadlock.jpg2009-07-23T00:53:28Z<p>Mini-Me: uploaded a new version of "File:MaxiPadlock.jpg": Different method yielded better results.</p>
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<div></div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:SnakeAndFrog.jpg&diff=47350File:SnakeAndFrog.jpg2009-07-23T00:53:11Z<p>Mini-Me: Updated</p>
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<div>"Snake" and "frog" from the Arms Race of Evolution</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:SnakeAndFrog.jpg&diff=47349File:SnakeAndFrog.jpg2009-07-23T00:52:45Z<p>Mini-Me: uploaded a new version of "File:SnakeAndFrog.jpg"</p>
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<div>"Snake" and "frog" from the Arms Race of Evolution<br />
{{Image update}}</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:MaxiPadlock.jpg&diff=47348File:MaxiPadlock.jpg2009-07-23T00:45:26Z<p>Mini-Me: Super Update!</p>
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<div></div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:MaxiPadlock.jpg&diff=47347File:MaxiPadlock.jpg2009-07-23T00:44:57Z<p>Mini-Me: uploaded a new version of "File:MaxiPadlock.jpg"</p>
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<div>{{Image update}}</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:NNY-BenderandFry.jpg&diff=47346File:NNY-BenderandFry.jpg2009-07-22T22:20:39Z<p>Mini-Me: Updated</p>
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<div></div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:NNY-BenderandFry.jpg&diff=47345File:NNY-BenderandFry.jpg2009-07-22T22:20:00Z<p>Mini-Me: uploaded a new version of "File:NNY-BenderandFry.jpg"</p>
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<div>{{Image update}}</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:NNY-Bender.jpg&diff=47344File:NNY-Bender.jpg2009-07-22T22:15:40Z<p>Mini-Me: Updated</p>
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<div></div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:NNY-Bender.jpg&diff=47343File:NNY-Bender.jpg2009-07-22T22:15:05Z<p>Mini-Me: uploaded a new version of "File:NNY-Bender.jpg"</p>
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<div>{{Image update}}</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:Earth-Zoidberg.jpg&diff=47342File:Earth-Zoidberg.jpg2009-07-22T22:11:33Z<p>Mini-Me: Updated</p>
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<div></div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:Earth-Zoidberg.jpg&diff=47341File:Earth-Zoidberg.jpg2009-07-22T22:11:22Z<p>Mini-Me: uploaded a new version of "File:Earth-Zoidberg.jpg"</p>
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<div>{{Image update}}</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:DOOP-Zapp.jpg&diff=47340File:DOOP-Zapp.jpg2009-07-22T22:08:51Z<p>Mini-Me: Updated</p>
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<div></div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:DOOP-Zapp.jpg&diff=47339File:DOOP-Zapp.jpg2009-07-22T22:08:37Z<p>Mini-Me: uploaded a new version of "File:DOOP-Zapp.jpg"</p>
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<div>{{Image update}}</div>Mini-Mehttp://theinfosphere.org/index.php?title=File:DOOP-PE.jpg&diff=47338File:DOOP-PE.jpg2009-07-22T22:06:44Z<p>Mini-Me: Updated</p>
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<div></div>Mini-Me