Difference between revisions of "Transcript:31st Century Fox"

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welcome back to the clippie awards, honoring the year's most accomplished delivery boys.
Crew on deck.
Our next category is best newcomer on a bicycle.
How was the delivery to Tokyo? Not bad Mothzilla got into the ship's closet, though.
Good luck, Dwight.
Can we please get new uniforms now, Professor? You said you would replace them a year ago.
(Bell dings) And the nominees are Johnny Jensen from rent-a-cat, Nezzbin Zalgabarg, ten-minute underwear, and Dwight Conrad, speedy wig.
You can't expect me to honor what year-ago Professor said.
And the clippie goes to (Grunting) Little Johnny Jensen! Oh, don't feel bad, son.
That guy was young and foolish.
We couldn't be more proud of you.
There's nothing wrong with these uniforms that a few denim patches won't fix.
Unless, of course, you had won the award.
(Professor and hermes screaming) Oh, all right.
Man, you're so lucky to have your family here.
To the garment district.
The stupid Professor didn't even show up for me.
(Door opens, bell jingles) Come in, come in.
I'd just like to thank my awesome parents.
Can I offer you maybe a nice macaroon cut in seven pieces? Oy, such a stereotype.
We love you, Johnny! Shh! Now to get all serious.
Yes, I'm looking for something in a space uniform that's respectfully humiliating but can come out of an employee's salary without his noticing.
It's time to pay tribute to the brave delivery boys who gave their lives this past year in the line of duty.
You got it.
Gene Tinker, bus.
Tomorrow's clothes at yesterday's prices.
Charles Kiley, train.
Ah, you can't go wrong with a stillsuit.
Mike Pisarik, lion.
It recycles your solid waste into a nice piece gefilte fish.
They're on the truck to heaven now.
Ugh, is there a way to just keep it as solid waste? Now here's something we can all agree on.
Up next, the award for best delivery boy: Newspaper, phone book, or miscellaneous.
(Shudders) Ah, the Stardoz 2293.
Miscellaneous, that's me.
Not for everybody, but you pull it off.
The nominees are: Gene tinker, Charles kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J.
Please don't pull it off.
Fry.
Yo, squidward scissorhands, you got this in an adult robot medium? The foxhunting uniform? You, sir, must be a robot of noble bearings.
And the clippie goes to (Grunting) Philip J.
Well, I am descended from prince Albert's can.
Fry! (Applause) Sign here.
I think we've seen enough.
Wow.
Too much, actually.
Uh, (Clears throat) I'd like to thank the academy of delivery sciences, my lovely robot, Bender, and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth.
Come on, let's try somewhere else.
He always has time for me, whether it's sending me on a delivery, or just pulling me aside to tell me I'm doing a bad job.
Wait, wait, perhaps discerning customers like yourselves would be interested in an item from our discount rack.
And why? Because he's family, and family is always there for each other.
Quality is the most important thing.
(Groans) I'm sorry, but I can't keep reading this tissue of lies.
How much is it? An unpleasant fellow ordered them last year but never paid.
The truth is, Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk! And the fish sticks were limp! Ooh, hefty.
Most unpleasant, that one.
You could really bash in a skull with this thing.
That sounds like something year-ago Professor would do.
I know, right? (Clears throat loudly) What? Oh, your awards show.
We'll take them.
I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason.
Finally, a uniform I'd be happy to be caught dead in.
Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure.
And, boy, does it wick away moisture gallons and gallons of it.
You see, I came down with a searing case of who gives a crap.
Plus, they're stitched in such a way that, no matter what angle it's viewed from, it looks like you're standing in hero wind.
(Giggles) (Growling) Oh, I wish I had more living relatives.
I just wish my fists weren't sewn to my belt.
What about the Professor's parents? They're still alive? Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle.
(Grunts) Hey, what's Bender wearing instead of that crap? Oh, lord.
So where do these fossils live, in sedimentary rock? (Laughing) No.
Did you actually buy that getup? We foxhunters do not stoop to buy getups.
According to his next of kin file, they live in a virtual retirement home on the near-death star.
I made free with it.
I've been there.
Since when do you care or even know about foxhunting? Foxhunting is an ancient and noble pursuit that's fascinated me ever since I first heard of it ten minutes ago.
Let's boldly go where we've gone before.
Noble pursuit? What's noble about killing a defenseless animal? Don't be naive, Leela.
Halt! Visitors are forbidden.
We kill defenseless animals all the time.
Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners? I'm sorry, sir.
Look at Hermes's tortoise-shell glasses.
Go right in.
The Professor's walrus-ivory teeth, and don't forget the zebra-fur ship cozy.
That's Philip J.
(Overlapping chatter) Yeah, I guess you're right.
Fry.
He's got a point.
Ned and velma Farnsworth, Let's hover-roll.
See, Leela, there are two sides to every shameful act.
Fry, you're so confident and take charge on this trip.
What you call the atrocity of crazed dogs tearing a helpless fox to shreds, others call a pleasant jaunt in the park.
It's kind of a turn-on.
The first thing.
Not now, Leela, I'm trying to meet old people.
Come see for yourself.
("Also Sprach Zarathustra" plays) (Doorbell rings) My God It's full of geezers.
Join me on the morrow as I embark on my maiden hunt.
Hey, why are they hooked up like that? Is it some kind of craft-matic adjustable death bed? (Chuckles) Don't be ridiculous.
I said join me! This is my best protest sign ever, and it was easy because I started with a "save the ox" sign I already had.
Their bodies are being used to generate electricity.
(Horse neighs) Wow, where'd you get the horse? None of your business.
The idea came from an old movie called the matrix.
Young man, one does not drink from a champagne fountain in that manner.
But-but wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body? Like a potato? Or a battery? Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, it would take more energy than that to keep them alive.
But he's doing it.
I know, I know.
(Chuckles) Check out this dork.
It sounds absurd.
I, sir, am the master of the hunt and I'll thank you to behave like a gentleman.
In fact, when the matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true.
You're quite welcome, sir.
Who knew? Good work, writer of the matrix.
(Belches) Ah, yes, foxhunting.
This is it, room 1119.
If there's one thing I know, it's everything about it.
Aw, it's my relatives.
What's that weird cat? (Groans) This is the fox we'll be hunting today.
I'm gonna call them Gram-Gram and Shabba-doo.
Wow, this is easier than I thought.
They look just like you, Fry.
The sport is in the chase, sir.
Arms, legs, ugly.
The fox gets a 30-minute head start.
Too bad we can't visit them in their virtual world.
Man, it would have been so much easier to kill it in the cage.
We can.
(Buzzes) Let the hunt begin.
Just moisten your heads and put on these real-to-virtual adapter caps.
(Barking) (Whooping raucously) Stop, this is cruel and inhumane.
Hmm, electricity plus hats with wires on them.
Well, now, in all my years as a huntmaster I've never seen anything like this.
Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe.
I mean, look at that sign.
(Electrical crackling, grunting) (Yelling) (Yelling) Told you it was safe.
It's magnificent.
Wow, so this is my relatives' virtual old-folks home.
(Chuckling): Oh, thank you.
There's only one word for it: Terrible.
I used a ruler and I erased all the pencil lines when I was finished.
And also horrible.
Charming.
This is their room.
Now, into the ditch with you.
They're gonna be so excited to meet me.
(Screams) (Barking) So the dogs do all the work while we sportsmen enjoy a nice horsey ride? Precisely.
Hi.
I see you've caught the fever.
I'm your distant relative.
Keep your wits about you.
Forget it, you flimflammer.
I've blanketed these woods with devious traps to ward off poachers and protesters.
I can smell a scam a mile away.
Stop the bloodshed, stop the violence.
Reverse mortgages.
(Screams) (Laughs) I saw that coming from a mile away! (Horse neighing) (Chuckles) Be more careful, friend.
Get your reverse mortgages here.
My antigravity snares are virtually undetectable.
Oh, come in, come in.
I saw it coming from a mile a (Bender grunts, horse neighs) View halloo, view halloo.
So, you're really my grandson, huh? Well, it's not quite that simple.
View halloo? All right.
See, I got frozen, and your son, Professor Farnsworth, is my great-great-great-great-great Huh? What? Yep, I'm your grandson all right.
What does that mean? The fox has been sighted.
A grandson? My, you're a big boy.
(Barking) Oh, yeah, get that fox.
What are you, a A junior in high school? Most recently, yes.
Go, dogs, go.
Oh, you look so thin.
(Barking) (Horses neigh) Eh, either way.
Can I offer you some virtual ham casserole? Sounds delicious.
(Fox whimpering, dogs barking) Oh, God, this is horrible.
Mmm.
I can't watch.
(Sighs) Nobody's eaten my food like that in ages.
(Scoffs) You humans always say you don't want to see violence, but you know you do.
I don't cook much since we moved out of reality.
I defy you not to watch.
(High-pitched droning) (Snoring) And that's how I got this scar above my eye, and this fork inside my lung.
A robot fox? Huh, I guess I'm okay with this after all.
(Chuckles) That's a doozy.
Well, I'm not.
Hey, look at this.
Robot foxhunting is a crime against robo-nature.
I can pull my thumb off.
Stop the bloodshed, stop the viol (Screams) (Growling) How can you do this to a poor, defenseless robot animal? You people are sick, and you foxhounds are no better.
Oh, stop, Shabba-doo, you're freaking me out.
They're not foxhounds.
Don't let him get your nose.
They're springer spaniels, you twit.
(Laughter) (Snorts) Oh, lord.
Or rather spring-powered spaniels.
(Snoring resumes) It's so nice to have more family.
(Gasps) Bot-on-bot violence? Where will it end? Not with the dogs.
All I had was the Professor, and he's kind of crotchety and moldy.
Come here, sea gasket.
You should have seen him when he was little.
(Neighs) Hyah! (Neighs) No! You, sir, are a heartless monster, and you will rue the day you met me.
My golly, he was crotchety and moldy.
Also, can I get my parking validated? The time has come to end injustice against robot animals.
We miss him terribly, but it sure has been nice spending time with you.
(Cheering) No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine, and no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow.
It gets lonely and depressing around here, with no entertainment except the rigged bingo! Old man (Distantly): Prove it, loser! Well, we should get going.
Those injustices don't even exist.
It was great to meet you, though, and hear about how bursitis transcends physical existence.
Then, let's find some that do.
(Sniffles) Keep up with your studies, huh? What? Oh, God, I'm still here? I'll miss you guyyyyys I don't think Gram-Gram likes that place, and I know Shabba-don't.
Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs.
I sure wish they could come with us.
Actually, they was.
(Alarm sounds) Guards (Chanting): Elder abuse! Elder abuse! (Screaming) Go it! Fastly! (Engine whines) It won't start.
(Clucking) I'll save you.
The batteries are dead.
Run free, sweet robo-hen.
I'm about to lose history's greatest life all because of some useless old people.
(Clucks) Enough with the tenderizing.
They're not useless.
It's time for a Benderizing.
(Grunts) They can cook ham casserole (Grunts) And watch TV at incredible volume (Grunts) And they generate electricity (Gasps) That's it! (Grunting) (Engine starts) We can cut them off.
Hey, you people can't just burst in like that and cut off my hand.
Turn left at Miriam Feinberg.
You got to take a number.
I meant Feingold! It's so nice to meet the Professor's parents.
Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong.
I'm Dr.
Fly away.
Zoidberg.
Fly away, my pretties.
I'm very important.
(Squawks) (Cheering) Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building.
Leela: Hey, Zoidberg, you forgot to empty this trash can.
You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing.
Don't hit me! I bet the Professor will be thrilled to see you again.
(Whimpers) Huntmaster: The weekly hunt is hereby called to order.
Oh, Professor.
(Enthusiastic chatter) I'll drink some more to that.
Some special old people are here for you.
As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before (Clattering) (Angry chatter) Stop the hunt.
Are they my zombies from hammacher schlemmer? (Gasps) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hiya, kiddo! Leave me alone! I never want to see you again! What crawled up his geritol? Well, to be honest, a few troubling things did happen in our past.
Oh! You again.
Lady, all of human history happened in your past! (Laughs) Eh, let's not let those dark days ruin our visit.
I'm back, snooty.
Philip, what do you say we go out today and live it up? Live it up? I'd be surprised if you live it out! (Laughs) Whoo! You're on fire! ♪
We're here to liberate that robot fox, and that's what we're gonna do.
(Grunting) Uh, you mind showing me how to open the cage? Now, listen here, the hunt is a hallowed tradition, and you Bambi-loving beatniks will never stop it.
(laughing) Whoa, looks like you guys had fun.
Oh, no? Well, for your information, the robot fox has been declared an endangered robo-species.
Did we ever! Gram-Gram fell down at the ice cream store and we got free ice cream! Now let's all go take a nap! (Whooping) Professor, Amy and I are concerned that oh! (Sobbing) Aw.
This injunction suspends all robot foxhunting for 24 hours while our motion is under consideration.
What's wrong? I just want my parents to love me.
We'll see you in court.
God, how I hate them! Of course they love you! Not like they love Fry! They never played with me like that.
(Banging) Motion destroyed.
They were always "too tired.
The hunt shall resume at sunup.
" Oh, what awful parents! Come closer, I'll tell you the whole story.
(Neighing) He's crooked, but fair.
Tell you what, let's get an opaque bubble layer going.
I'm not giving up yet.
Okay, go.
I am.
It all started a century and a half ago.
I already did.
I had a perfectly normal adolescence in new New York.
You can count on me.
But my parents were simple hedge fund managers who couldn't appreciate my interest in science.
Now here's the plan.
Mom, dad, look what I made! (Yawns) That's wonderful, dear.
We're going to sneak onto the grounds and free that fox.
Here you go, squeakers.
Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine.
I was accepted to mit at the age of 14, but my parents crushed my dreams like a discarded frog head! Honey, I'm afraid we can't let you go.
And on the way there? (Whispering): Okay, I'll hold the ice cream while you two go over.
You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet.
(Grunting) Where's the ice cream? (Whispers): There was a bear.
(Mumbling): "Not mature enough for college yet!" (Sobs loudly) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education, my parents moved us to A peaceful farm! (Sobbing) I think that's sweet.
(Grunting) (Beep) Okay.
Oh, shut up! (Cow mooing, chickens clucking) You're all I have left, squeakers.
You guys take him back to planet express.
(Bird screeches) (Screaming) Oh, God, I hated that place! My parents kept me there for years! So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again! That's a really sad and long story, Professor.
I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve.
But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel.
But you promised us way-back ice cream.
(Sniffs) You're right.
Oh, here.
I will.
But no chocolate it's bedtime.
Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Good-bye! (Sobbing) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.
With that odious robot barred from the grounds, the weekly hunt is hereby called once more to order.
(Door opens, Fry panting) I almost headed off the Professor at the east river, but the wind caught his skin flaps and sent him parasailing over the queensboro bridge.
Let the hunt begin.
Why would he go to queens? He doesn't need tires.
(Other gasping) (Shocked murmuring) You, sir, have been outfoxed.
Our old farm was in queens.
I spent all night on that.
He must've gone back there to defile it with his nudity! Come on, hurry! (Groaning painfully) Why are you so eager to find the Professor, Fry? Aren't you mad at him? Of course I'm mad.
It's clever.
That's been established.
Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox.
I just want to find him for Gram-Gram and Shabba-doo's sake.
Sorry, mutton-chump.
Who? Faster, faster! Okay, stop short! (Grunts) There's the old place.
No fox, no hunt.
Ned: Hasn't changed a bit.
Oh, really? (Beep) (Gun cocks) Let the hunt begin! (Other agreeing) Sir, I leave you with this one final thought.
Put on your glasses, sweetie.
(Panicked screaming) (Screaming continues) Oh, God, they're gonna kill me El roboto mas importante.
(Screams) (Hooting) (Professor whimpering, sobbing) (Gasps) I hear something! (Fry gasps) It's the Professor! Yes, everyone look at the freak! His parents didn't love him, so they kept him here, a hundred Miles from the nearest microscope! Why? Why?! Oh He deserves the truth, velma.
And I only have a 30 minute head start.
I think he's old enough to handle it.
Uh-oh, a fork in the path.
Cupcake We never told you this, but You had an older brother.
Hmm.
Wha? Velma: In many ways, he was like you.
There's more places to hide in that dark forest.
He loved science and was desperate to go to college.
On the other hand, I could run faster through that open meadow.
He even looked a little like you.
But of course, the forest might protect my fair robot skin from sunburn.
But the sad fact was Oh, how can I put this delicately? He was a crazy-ass nutjob! Thank you, ned.
Hmm (Buzzer sounds) (Bugle plays, dogs barking) Today, we hunt the most dangerous game aside from lawn darts a cunning robotic adversary so deviously clever that Oh, for God's sake.
But so what? He was our crazy-ass nutjob, and we loved him.
Then again, a nice run through a meadow, who could say no to that? What?! (Barking) (Snarling, Bender whimpering) Look here.
(Screams, groans) Velma: Every night, the poor boy had terrors in his sleep.
Hunting is a team effort, and you're not pulling your weight.
His pajamas would be soaked with sweat.
Now I'm going to be sporting and give you one more chance to run.
Yeah, sweat.
Thanks.
Right.
Nothing's more important than sportsmanship.
Velma: We'd stay at his bedside all night, and whenever he'd start moaning and sweating his pants, we'd read to him from his favorite book.
Ow! (Laughs deviously) (Slurping) It's so cute.
Ned: The poor little psycho never could've survived on his own.
Horseshoe crab cute.
So we kept him on the farm as long as we could.
(Fry laughs, others murmuring) Fox news, everyone.
Velma: But one night he ran away, taking nothing but the clothes on his back.
I've decided to make the fox our new corporate mascot.
Whoo-hoo-hoo! (Screaming) Velma: He was admitted to a prestigious institution a mental institution! Ned: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship.
Hear, hear.
And we never saw him again! We couldn't let you end up like your older brother.
Let's put on our new uniforms and take a staff photo for the newsletter.
That's why we kept you on the farm and helped you get your online doctorate in rodeo studies.
Right on! Here they are, freshly laundered and (Hermes gasps, fox snarling) (Other gasping) (Panting) Our magnificent uniforms they're ruined.
Rodeo studies? We did it out of love for you, Floyd.
(Sobbing) And he peed on the locker room floor.
Floyd? Who the hell's Floyd? I'm Hubert! You're Hubert? The older brother? (Gasping) But we thought you were still in an institution! Oh, no, no, no, no.
That's my territory.
I was out within 25 years.
Also got in the henhouse and killed Amy's prize-winning Rhode Island red.
It felt like a minute compared to grad school.
Not Penelope.
Oh, hubie, we're so happy to see you again! Wait.
Cute or not, I'll kill that robo-rat.
Was all that true? Did you really sit up with me every night? You bet, sport.
(Amy yells, fox whimpers) (Fry screams) Fry: Let me at it.
That's why we were always too tired to play with you.
I'm gonna pound it with this chewed-up old stick.
I'm so sorry we never got the chance.
Leela: No! It's just a poor, scared wild robot.
Oh, mama! Daddy! (Sobbing) (Clears throat) Uh, this may not be the best time, but a couple years ago, a homeless rodeo clown named Floyd came to the door claiming he was Bender! Why do you always have to be the center of attention? You're sure you want to go back to the near-death star? Oh, my, yes.
What did you expect? (Gasps) My sign.
Our muscles are sore, our bones ache.
It's ruined.
My damn skin even hurts.
Kill the fox.
It's no dream house, but we get fed through our spines and the rent is reasonable.
(Leela grunting) (Angry shouting) (Panting) (Whimpers) (Explosion) Missed it by that much.
Don't worry.
(Dogs barking) (Panting) Oh, no, they caught my scent.
I'll come back and visit sometime.
I better throw them off by rubbing myself with something.
How about December, when they inject the holidays into our brains? That sounds nice, Gram-Gram.
(Scratching) Ow! That's no good.
Well, son, I guess this is good-bye again.
Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs.
Not quite yet.
Catnip.
I took the liberty of reprogramming your retirement simulation.
(Cats snarling, Bender yelling) (Bender yelling) You have made yourself an enemy, my friend! Dang it.
Why don't I come in for a moment and show you around? Good virtual God! It's our old farm! It's beautiful! Appearances just a simple matter of appearances.
He jumped on the path train to New Jersey.
Speaking of which (Gasps) Velma: My boy! My beautiful boy! One last chance to play if you're not too tired? Not too tired to chase you, you cute little nutjob! Come on, velma! Someone needs tickles! I'm gonna get you! Here I come! (Laughing) I almost got you! Come here, you.
Of course.
He's commuting back to his native habitat.
(Panting wearily) (Sighs heavily) On top of everything, I'm starving.
I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch.
Ow! My finger.
I wish I remembered more survival skills from boy scouts.
Too bad my only merit badge was in interpretive dance.
(Gasps) Wait.
I can use the universal language of dance to signal for help.
(Humming) Ow! That was my second favorite ankle.
(Grunting, dogs barking in distance) (Bugle plays) Was that a horn? Are those the dogs? (Rustling) Is that two caterpillars making sweet love? (Fox barks, Bender screams) (Fox panting) Aw, you know what it's like to feel hunted, too, eh, buddy? Would it be too much to ask you to stay with me in my final moments and die at my side? And you die first? (Snarling) You lousy son of a! (Metallic clanking) Oh, I get it.
You freed me.
(Electrical crackling) You lousy son of a! (Fox panting, Bender grunting) (Galloping hoof beats) (Horses neighing, dogs barking) We're hot on his heels.
Aha! One of his heels.
(Ship approaching, horses neighing oh, these guys.
Can I help you? Out of our way, this fox is ours.
Fox? Ah, yes.
Have at it.
We're not hunting fox today.
Wait a second, what are you hunting? (Dogs whimpering) Oh, my God.
It's Bender's middle finger.
I'd recognize this anywhere.
(Gasps sharply) (Snarling, barking) What is it, little buddy? Is it a layer cake? Or maybe world series tickets? A trip wire, hmm? But who's tripping who? (Grunting) (Laughing maniacally) Wait whom.
Who's tripping whom? (Laughing maniacally) I guess what I've been trying to say is, we should all be ashamed.
Me for my hatred of a mechanical fox that tore up my sign and who I'd like to throttle and you, for hunting an innocent robot.
Well, a robot who didn't harm you personally.
Today.
Probably.
But most of all, I blame you, huntmaster.
Where's the huntmaster? Remember when you said "nobody leave" and then you turned your head briefly? He left an hour before that.
(Chuckles deviously) (Grunting) (Yells) (Grunts) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa! (Chuckles) You disappoint me, Bender.
I'd've thought you'd have learned to avoid my antigravity snares by now.
I did.
Too bad you didn't.
Bender: Boo-oop.
Ye gods! (Screaming, grunts) How does it feel to be the hunted? To be forever looking over your shoulder, like an owl with that type of neck? To die in agony at the hands of the world's greatest lover? (Cocks gun) No! Please! I can't shoot you.
Bender, I found your trigger finger.
Ah, now I can.
(Cocks gun) But I won't.
Not with so many witnesses.
You're a true gentleman.
Unlike me.
(Gasping) (Snarling) (Fox snarling, huntmaster yelling) (Gasps): I can't watch Enough.
(Snarling) Oh, no! (Screams) Hey, wait a minute.
(Electrical crackling) He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? Eh, I guess that makes it okay.
No.
Killing of any kind is I don't know, well Let me think about this.
(slurping) Ah.
I guess it's okay.

Latest revision as of 04:03, 8 July 2013

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Crew on deck. How was the delivery to Tokyo? Not bad Mothzilla got into the ship's closet, though. Can we please get new uniforms now, Professor? You said you would replace them a year ago. You can't expect me to honor what year-ago Professor said. That guy was young and foolish. There's nothing wrong with these uniforms that a few denim patches won't fix. (Professor and hermes screaming) Oh, all right. To the garment district. (Door opens, bell jingles) Come in, come in. Can I offer you maybe a nice macaroon cut in seven pieces? Oy, such a stereotype. Yes, I'm looking for something in a space uniform that's respectfully humiliating but can come out of an employee's salary without his noticing. You got it. Tomorrow's clothes at yesterday's prices. Ah, you can't go wrong with a stillsuit. It recycles your solid waste into a nice piece gefilte fish. Ugh, is there a way to just keep it as solid waste? Now here's something we can all agree on. (Shudders) Ah, the Stardoz 2293. Not for everybody, but you pull it off. Please don't pull it off. Yo, squidward scissorhands, you got this in an adult robot medium? The foxhunting uniform? You, sir, must be a robot of noble bearings. Well, I am descended from prince Albert's can. I think we've seen enough. Too much, actually. Come on, let's try somewhere else. Wait, wait, perhaps discerning customers like yourselves would be interested in an item from our discount rack. Quality is the most important thing. How much is it? An unpleasant fellow ordered them last year but never paid. Most unpleasant, that one. That sounds like something year-ago Professor would do. We'll take them. Finally, a uniform I'd be happy to be caught dead in. And, boy, does it wick away moisture gallons and gallons of it. Plus, they're stitched in such a way that, no matter what angle it's viewed from, it looks like you're standing in hero wind. I just wish my fists weren't sewn to my belt. (Grunts) Hey, what's Bender wearing instead of that crap? Oh, lord. Did you actually buy that getup? We foxhunters do not stoop to buy getups. I made free with it. Since when do you care or even know about foxhunting? Foxhunting is an ancient and noble pursuit that's fascinated me ever since I first heard of it ten minutes ago. Noble pursuit? What's noble about killing a defenseless animal? Don't be naive, Leela. We kill defenseless animals all the time. Look at Hermes's tortoise-shell glasses. The Professor's walrus-ivory teeth, and don't forget the zebra-fur ship cozy. (Overlapping chatter) Yeah, I guess you're right. He's got a point. See, Leela, there are two sides to every shameful act. What you call the atrocity of crazed dogs tearing a helpless fox to shreds, others call a pleasant jaunt in the park. The first thing. Come see for yourself. Join me on the morrow as I embark on my maiden hunt. I said join me! This is my best protest sign ever, and it was easy because I started with a "save the ox" sign I already had. (Horse neighs) Wow, where'd you get the horse? None of your business. Young man, one does not drink from a champagne fountain in that manner. But he's doing it. (Chuckles) Check out this dork. I, sir, am the master of the hunt and I'll thank you to behave like a gentleman. You're quite welcome, sir. (Belches) Ah, yes, foxhunting. If there's one thing I know, it's everything about it. What's that weird cat? (Groans) This is the fox we'll be hunting today. Wow, this is easier than I thought. The sport is in the chase, sir. The fox gets a 30-minute head start. Man, it would have been so much easier to kill it in the cage. (Buzzes) Let the hunt begin. (Barking) (Whooping raucously) Stop, this is cruel and inhumane. Well, now, in all my years as a huntmaster I've never seen anything like this. I mean, look at that sign. It's magnificent. (Chuckling): Oh, thank you. I used a ruler and I erased all the pencil lines when I was finished. Charming. Now, into the ditch with you. (Screams) (Barking) So the dogs do all the work while we sportsmen enjoy a nice horsey ride? Precisely. I see you've caught the fever. Keep your wits about you. I've blanketed these woods with devious traps to ward off poachers and protesters. Stop the bloodshed, stop the violence. (Screams) (Laughs) I saw that coming from a mile away! (Horse neighing) (Chuckles) Be more careful, friend. My antigravity snares are virtually undetectable. I saw it coming from a mile a (Bender grunts, horse neighs) View halloo, view halloo. View halloo? All right. What does that mean? The fox has been sighted. (Barking) Oh, yeah, get that fox. Go, dogs, go. (Barking) (Horses neigh) Eh, either way. (Fox whimpering, dogs barking) Oh, God, this is horrible. I can't watch. (Scoffs) You humans always say you don't want to see violence, but you know you do. I defy you not to watch. A robot fox? Huh, I guess I'm okay with this after all. Well, I'm not. Robot foxhunting is a crime against robo-nature. Stop the bloodshed, stop the viol (Screams) (Growling) How can you do this to a poor, defenseless robot animal? You people are sick, and you foxhounds are no better. They're not foxhounds. They're springer spaniels, you twit. Or rather spring-powered spaniels. (Gasps) Bot-on-bot violence? Where will it end? Not with the dogs. Come here, sea gasket. (Neighs) Hyah! (Neighs) No! You, sir, are a heartless monster, and you will rue the day you met me. Also, can I get my parking validated? The time has come to end injustice against robot animals. (Cheering) No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine, and no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow. Those injustices don't even exist. Then, let's find some that do. Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was. (Clucking) I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (Clucks) Enough with the tenderizing. It's time for a Benderizing. Hey, you people can't just burst in like that and cut off my hand. You got to take a number. Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (Squawks) (Cheering) Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing. (Whimpers) Huntmaster: The weekly hunt is hereby called to order. (Enthusiastic chatter) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before (Clattering) (Angry chatter) Stop the hunt. Oh! You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox, and that's what we're gonna do. (Grunting) Uh, you mind showing me how to open the cage? Now, listen here, the hunt is a hallowed tradition, and you Bambi-loving beatniks will never stop it. Oh, no? Well, for your information, the robot fox has been declared an endangered robo-species. This injunction suspends all robot foxhunting for 24 hours while our motion is under consideration. We'll see you in court. (Banging) Motion destroyed. The hunt shall resume at sunup. (Neighing) He's crooked, but fair. I'm not giving up yet. I am. I already did. You can count on me. Now here's the plan. We're going to sneak onto the grounds and free that fox. Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there? (Whispering): Okay, I'll hold the ice cream while you two go over. (Grunting) Where's the ice cream? (Whispers): There was a bear. (Grunting) (Beep) Okay. You guys take him back to planet express. I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream. Oh, here. But no chocolate it's bedtime. With that odious robot barred from the grounds, the weekly hunt is hereby called once more to order. Let the hunt begin. (Other gasping) (Shocked murmuring) You, sir, have been outfoxed. I spent all night on that. It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really? (Beep) (Gun cocks) Let the hunt begin! (Other agreeing) Sir, I leave you with this one final thought. (Panicked screaming) (Screaming continues) Oh, God, they're gonna kill me El roboto mas importante. And I only have a 30 minute head start. Uh-oh, a fork in the path. Hmm. There's more places to hide in that dark forest. On the other hand, I could run faster through that open meadow. But of course, the forest might protect my fair robot skin from sunburn. Hmm (Buzzer sounds) (Bugle plays, dogs barking) Today, we hunt the most dangerous game aside from lawn darts a cunning robotic adversary so deviously clever that Oh, for God's sake. Then again, a nice run through a meadow, who could say no to that? What?! (Barking) (Snarling, Bender whimpering) Look here. Hunting is a team effort, and you're not pulling your weight. Now I'm going to be sporting and give you one more chance to run. Thanks. Nothing's more important than sportsmanship. Ow! (Laughs deviously) (Slurping) It's so cute. Horseshoe crab cute. (Fry laughs, others murmuring) Fox news, everyone. I've decided to make the fox our new corporate mascot. Hear, hear. Let's put on our new uniforms and take a staff photo for the newsletter. Right on! Here they are, freshly laundered and (Hermes gasps, fox snarling) (Other gasping) (Panting) Our magnificent uniforms they're ruined. (Sobbing) And he peed on the locker room floor. That's my territory. Also got in the henhouse and killed Amy's prize-winning Rhode Island red. Not Penelope. Cute or not, I'll kill that robo-rat. (Amy yells, fox whimpers) (Fry screams) Fry: Let me at it. I'm gonna pound it with this chewed-up old stick. Leela: No! It's just a poor, scared wild robot. What did you expect? (Gasps) My sign. It's ruined. Kill the fox. (Leela grunting) (Angry shouting) (Panting) (Whimpers) (Explosion) Missed it by that much. (Dogs barking) (Panting) Oh, no, they caught my scent. I better throw them off by rubbing myself with something. (Scratching) Ow! That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (Cats snarling, Bender yelling) (Bender yelling) You have made yourself an enemy, my friend! Dang it. He jumped on the path train to New Jersey. Of course. He's commuting back to his native habitat. (Panting wearily) (Sighs heavily) On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch. Ow! My finger. I wish I remembered more survival skills from boy scouts. Too bad my only merit badge was in interpretive dance. (Gasps) Wait. I can use the universal language of dance to signal for help. (Humming) Ow! That was my second favorite ankle. (Grunting, dogs barking in distance) (Bugle plays) Was that a horn? Are those the dogs? (Rustling) Is that two caterpillars making sweet love? (Fox barks, Bender screams) (Fox panting) Aw, you know what it's like to feel hunted, too, eh, buddy? Would it be too much to ask you to stay with me in my final moments and die at my side? And you die first? (Snarling) You lousy son of a! (Metallic clanking) Oh, I get it. You freed me. (Electrical crackling) You lousy son of a! (Fox panting, Bender grunting) (Galloping hoof beats) (Horses neighing, dogs barking) We're hot on his heels. Aha! One of his heels. (Ship approaching, horses neighing oh, these guys. Can I help you? Out of our way, this fox is ours. Fox? Ah, yes. Have at it. We're not hunting fox today. Wait a second, what are you hunting? (Dogs whimpering) Oh, my God. It's Bender's middle finger. I'd recognize this anywhere. (Gasps sharply) (Snarling, barking) What is it, little buddy? Is it a layer cake? Or maybe world series tickets? A trip wire, hmm? But who's tripping who? (Grunting) (Laughing maniacally) Wait whom. Who's tripping whom? (Laughing maniacally) I guess what I've been trying to say is, we should all be ashamed. Me for my hatred of a mechanical fox that tore up my sign and who I'd like to throttle and you, for hunting an innocent robot. Well, a robot who didn't harm you personally. Today. Probably. But most of all, I blame you, huntmaster. Where's the huntmaster? Remember when you said "nobody leave" and then you turned your head briefly? He left an hour before that. (Chuckles deviously) (Grunting) (Yells) (Grunts) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa! (Chuckles) You disappoint me, Bender. I'd've thought you'd have learned to avoid my antigravity snares by now. I did. Too bad you didn't. Bender: Boo-oop. Ye gods! (Screaming, grunts) How does it feel to be the hunted? To be forever looking over your shoulder, like an owl with that type of neck? To die in agony at the hands of the world's greatest lover? (Cocks gun) No! Please! I can't shoot you. Bender, I found your trigger finger. Ah, now I can. (Cocks gun) But I won't. Not with so many witnesses. You're a true gentleman. Unlike me. (Gasping) (Snarling) (Fox snarling, huntmaster yelling) (Gasps): I can't watch Enough. (Snarling) Oh, no! (Screams) Hey, wait a minute. (Electrical crackling) He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? Eh, I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is I don't know, well Let me think about this. (slurping) Ah. I guess it's okay.