Transcript:Ghost in the Machines
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|Ghost in the Machines|
|Written by||Patric M. Verrone|
|Transcribed by||Aki and Sanfazer|
- [Opening Credits. Caption: #1 MOST VIEWED SHOW AMONG VIEWBOTS]
- [Scene: Outside the Planet Express headquarters, day.]
Hermes: Listen up, people.
- [Cut to: The Planet Express conference room. Fry, Professor Farnsworth, Leela, Bender, Zoidberg, and Amy are sitting at the conference table and Hermes is standing up.]
Hermes: As long as nothing happens for the next fifteen minutes, our insurance will be reinstated, so let's just sit quietly and run out the clock.
- [Hermes sits down. The crew remains silent for a few moments, only for Amy to stand up, start screaming, and point up.]
Amy: A giant sausage!
- [A giant sausage can be seen floating from the window. The rest of the crew starts screaming as well. Hermes stands up.]
Bender: Oh, God!
Hermes: Oh, God, no! Get out of here, you horrific sausage!
Leela: Wait! Isn't today the parade? It's just a giant balloon!
Fry: Giant balloon?
- [Fry screams.]
- [Scene: New New York street. Three men and three women are holding the giant balloon while two other men are holding signs reading All Parts Franks, policeman-like Robots are marching, and Bender is carrying Fry, who is holding a cup with his right hand and ice cream with his left hand, on his back.]
Bender: See, buddy? It's not so scary.
- [Fry whimpers.]
Fry: I feel better now. [The parade continues. Two men dressed in green are holding a sign reading St. Patrick's Day Parade, a dragon is sustaining a sign reading CHINESE NEW YEAR PARADE, six blue Aliens are circling the road in their spaceships, and Bender is still carrying Fry on his back.] Why is so many different parades smooshed together?
Leela: It's the Parade Day parade.
Fry: What's Parade Day?
Professor Farnsworth: It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times.
Leela: Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day parade and get it over with.
Zoidberg: Hey, look! A fog is rolling in.
Hermes: No, that's just the Jamaican pride float.
- [A float with a sign reading JAMAICAN PRIDE exudes smoke.]
Amy: Looks like it's speeding up.
Hermes: Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float.
- [A float with a giant, Robotic hand holding a Dorito is dipped in a cup of sauce. The Jamaican pride float runs it over, causing the hand to throw the Dorito, which slices off three street lamps. Zapp is waving to the crowd on top of a float with a sign reading EARTHICAN PRIDE and a depiction of the Nimbus and of him holding up a giant Earth globe.]
Zapp: Thank you! Thank you! [to the floor] Kif, you're slacking off of my waving arm.
- [The Dorito cuts the Zapp depiction's wrists, making the globe fall, with Zapp having to jump off the float to prevent himself from being crushed. The globe begins rolling down the road and heads for a man and a manbot who are talking.]
Leela: Oh, no! It's heading right for those two nerds!
- [The man is wearing a shirt reading CHICKS DIG PALEONTOLOGISTS.]
Manbot: Whoa! Sweet shirt, dude!
Man: Thanks. I have another one that says PALEONTOLOGISTS DO IT IN THE DIRT. I'm a palaeontologist.
- [Fry runs towards the two.]
Fry: [in slow motion] I'll save one of you!
- [Fry diverts the man from the globe's trajectory, leaving the manbot to be crushed. The crowd gasps. A woman kisses the man.]
Woman: Oh, honey! I dig you so much! [to Fry] Thank you for saving my stupidly dressed husband. [The woman laughs.] You're a hero!
- [A car with NNY Mayor painted on it passes by. Only Mayor Poopenmeyer and the driver are there. The Mayor steps out.]
Mayor Poopenmeyer: A hero indeed. What's your name, son?
Fry: I dunno. Fry?
Mayor Poopenmeyer: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to associate myself with a true hero. [The crowd cheers.] Mr. Fry, allow me to present you with the keys to the city. [The Mayor rummages through the keys.] This one's for the deadbolt, this is for the top lock... I think this one's for the knob. The city's in a bad neighbourhood. [The Mayor laughs.] Care to say a few words, son?
Fry: Uh... Heroes don't do drugs! Except for Drugman, I guess.
- [The crowd cheers as Fry and the Mayor walk towards the car.]
Mayor Poopenmeyer: I hereby declare that henceforth this Saturday shall be known as Fry-day!
- [The crowd cheers one more time, Fry winks at them, driving away in the car, and the policeman-like Robots begin marching.]
- [Scene: Outside the Planet Express headquarters, night.]
- [Cut to: The Planet Express employee lounge. Leela, Fry, Amy, and Hermes enter.]
Fry: It sure was nice of the Mayor's wife to have sex with me. [Fry sees something before him, stops, and blinks.] Huh?
- [Bender is standing in front of him, looking angry.]
- [While talking, Bender walks up to Fry and angrily pokes him in the chest with his finger.]
Bender: You could've saved the Robot, but instead you saved the Human. [Bender crosses his arms.] Do you think Human life is more precious than Robot life?
Fry: No, no... Well, yes, actually.
- [Bender gasps in shock and turns away from Fry. Behind Fry, Leela and Hermes are sitting on the couch and Amy is sitting on the floor. They are all watching the fight. Hermes is reading a magazine entitled Podcast Digest.]
Bender: That's it. I'm killin' myself!
Leela: Oh, Lord.
- [Bender is still turned away from the others.]
Bender: Don't try and talk me out of it! [They do not say anything and Bender turns his head towards them.] Well?
- [Amy is holding a remote.]
Amy: Bender, you always say you're gonna kill yourself, but you almost never do.
Hermes: Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months.
- [Leela is filing her nails.]
Leela: How is Lynn, by the way?
Bender: Livin' in Oregon with her crazy mother! See you at my funeral, suckers!
- [Bender leaves.]
- [Scene: New New York street. Two sheets of paper featuring a red Hypnotoad and the word OBEY in AL1 are on a brick wall. Bender enters a suicide booth with CHEAP! ODORLESS! RELIABLE! painted on it and the caption OPEN and closes the door. He inserts a stringed coin, retrieves it, and laughs.]
Bender: Kill me, please! [Bender puts the stringed coin into his chest cabinet.] And make it splatter!
Suicide booth: With pleasure... Bender!
- [Bender looks around, confused and somewhat frightened.]
Bender: Lynn? [Bender gasps.] Huh, wow, you look great. [Bender laughs nervously.] Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon.
Suicide booth: My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't wanna talk about it.
Bender: Well, tell your mom I said hello and it's been nice catchin' up with you. Let's get this show on the road!
Suicide booth: Oh, no! You're going to die, alright. But it won't be suicide. It'll be murder!
- [musical sting] [The camera shows a close-up of the frightened Bender.]
- [Cut to: Outside. The caption IN USE lights up on the suicide booth. A woman with a grocery bag walks by as the booth starts shivering and Bender yells in agony. The woman screams, drops her groceries, and runs off. A number of gun shots pierce the suicide booth from within. The shooting stops.]
Bender: [off camera] Missed me!
- [More shots are fired and the booth starts shaking again. Bender yells out the last sound of a dead Robot. The booth is yet again still.]
- [Scene: Outside the Planet Express headquarters, day. A hovervan with the logo DeadEx backs towards the door and throws out a metal casket onto the road. The hovervan honks the main theme of the funeral march in Chopin's Piano Sonata No. 2 and drives off. The door is opened by Fry. Fry peeks out at the casket.]
- [Cut to: The Planet Express conference room. Fry walks in, holding Bender's broken body in his arms.]
Fry: He did it. [Fry walks up to the conference table, where Amy, Leela, Professor Farnsworth, Zoidberg, and Hermes are sitting. He lays Bender's body on the table.] He actually did it this time.
- [Fry cries.]
Hermes: No way, mon. He's fakin' it. [Hermes grabs a $1 bill and waves it over Bender's head. Bender doesn't react. Hermes gasps.] He really is gone. [Hermes stands up.] Everyone, put on your takin'-off caps.
- [Hermes puts his cap on. Fry whimpers.]
Fry: Our what?
Professor Farnsworth: It's a sign of respect, you savage!
- [Professor Farnsworth stands beside Leela, Amy, Hermes, and Zoidberg, who all have different caps. Zoidberg's is one half of a giant egg. Professor Farnsworth puts his cap on and they all take their caps off simultaneously. Fry moves up beside them, holding a cap of his own. Amy sighs.]
Amy: Poor, nasty, mean, old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again.
- [Bender's laugh ensues, but the crew does not seem to notice. They look at Bender's broken body, while a ghost-like, pale, blue Bender figure rises from it, apparently invisible to them. Bender's ghost laughs evilly and looks into the camera.]
- [Time lapse. Professor Farnsworth, Hermes, Fry, Leela, Zoidberg, and Amy are gathered around a table with Bender's corpse on it, mourning his death. Near the table is a flower with a tape reading OUR BENDER. Bender's ghost continues laughing evilly. Fry rests his head on Leela's shoulder.]
Fry: I miss 'im so much.
Hermes: There, there, Fry. He may be gone, but he'll always be with us as a trash can.
- [Hermes removes Bender's head from the corpse, places it on the floor, steps on Bender's teeth, which causes the head to open, and dumps garbage from a simpler trash can into it. Bender's ghost laughs.]
Bender's ghost: Look at that loser gettin' garbage dumped in 'im. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is.
Leela: Fry, as his only friend, you should have first pick of body parts.
Bender's ghost: Just don't pick his nose! [Bender's ghost laughs, but the others do not.] What's wrong with you guys? This is comedy gold!
Fry: He always had my back, so I'll take his arm, uh... As a backscratcher. [Fry struggles to rip off Bender's arm.] I love you, Bender. Somebody hand me a bolt cutter.
- [Leela hands Fry a bolt cutter.]
Bender's ghost: Hey, dipshlits! That's not me. I'm right here. Hello! [Bender's ghost pulls out a megaphone from his chest cabinet.] Pay attention to me!
- [Fry scratches his back with Bender's arm.]
- [Scene: Outside the Planet Express headquarters. Bender's ghost exits the building through the wall.]
Bender's ghost: Why can't anybody hear my witty remarks? This is Hell!
Robot Devil: Feh! You wish!
- [The Robot Devil is reading a magazine entitled LIFE IN HELL that has his face on it.]
Bender's ghost: Robot Devil? You can hear me? Why is everyone else ignoring me?
Robot Devil: Isn't it obvious, Bender?
Bender's ghost: Yeah, I guess it is.
- [Bender's ghost crosses his arms.]
Robot Devil: You're dead!
Bender's ghost: What?! I thought I just had laryngitis and anti-gravity.
- [The Robot devil sighs.]
Robot Devil: Come down to my office and I'll explain everything.
- [The Robot Devil leaves. Bender's ghost goes after him, humming.]
- [Scene: Robot Hell. Robots are screaming.]
- [Cut to: The Robot Devil's office. The Robot Devil is sitting at his desk. Bender's ghost enters through the ceiling.]
Bender's ghost: So what's happenin' to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song!
- [Standing in front of a ship with S.S. ANYTHING GOES painted on it, the Robot Devil turns off a gramophone and undresses a bikini.]
Robot Devil: Oh, you're no fun. [The Robot Devil snaps his fingers and the ship, which is revealed to be a background, is removed by two Robot Demons.] You see, Bender, it's simple. You're a ghost!
Bender's ghost: A g-g-g-g-ghost?!
Robot Devil: No, just the regular kind. [The Robot Devil lights his hand as if it were a cigarette and begins smoking it.] Because you killed yourself, you're in Limbo. Your software was exported to the computational cloud.
Bender's ghost: Adoy! Wait, Adoy?
Robot Devil: Your disembodied programme is now running on the wireless network shared by all machinery.
- [Bender's ghost approaches the Robot Devil.]
Bender's ghost: Cut to the chase, Smokey! How do I get outta Limbo?
- [The Robot Devil laughs evilly.]
Robot Devil: That's the laughy part! You can't! You're stuck in an infinite loop.
- [The Robot Devil blows out a lemniscate in smoke in Bender's ghost's direction.]
Bender's ghost: An infinite loop? [Bender's ghost waves away the smoke.] I don't have time for that. Man, this is all Fry's fault!
Robot Devil: Fry? I hate that guy. We once traded hands. [The Robot Devil smells his hands.] They still stink of candy corn!
Bender's ghost: Get this: That jerk said Human life was more valuable than Robot life!
Robot Devil: What?! [The Robot Devil jumps onto his desk and flames rise up behind him.] After all you've done for him, Fry must die.
- [The flames disappear.]
Bender's ghost: I know, right? I'd murder him good if only I was still alive.
- [The Robot Devil hums.]
Robot Devil: Bender, would you like to make a deal?
- [The Robot Devil pulls a contract sheet out of nowhere and a pen suddenly appears in his hand as if by magic.]
Bender's ghost: I'm not stupid... [Bender's ghost crosses his arms.] So yes, absolutely. [Bender's ghost grabs the pen and signs the contract.] What have I agreed to?
Robot Devil: I'll return you to your body... After you use your ghostly powers to scare Fry to death!
- [The Robot Devil laughs evilly.]
Bender's ghost: That sounds fair and also fun. I like that there's no catch this time.
Robot Devil: But wait. There's a catch.
Bender's ghost: Crap!
Robot Devil: If you fail, you'll spend eternity here in Robot Hell. Which, as luck would have it, is where I rehearse my band. [to the Robot Demons] Hit it, boys! [The Robot Demons begin playing. The first Demon is at the piano, the second is at the drums, which bear the Devil's face, and the third is at the trumpet.] [singing] Cigars are evil. You won't miss 'em—
- [Bender's ghost is covering his ears.]
Bender's ghost: Okay! I'll do it, I'll do it. Just stop the damn music!
- [Scene: Robot Arms Apartments, night.]
- [Cut to: Apartment 00100100. Fry is snoring. Bender's ghost enters through the wall.]
Bender's ghost: Scare Fry to death? Ha. I could do that in my sleep. [Bender's ghost woos, but Fry does not react.] What are you, deaf?
- [Bender's ghost continues wooing, flying around Fry's bed. Still seeing no reaction, he yawns.]
- [Scene: Apartment 00100100, day. Fry is still snoring, but now Bender's ghost is doing the same, sleeping above him. Bender's ghost somehow awakens Fry by accident.]
- [Time lapse. Fry opens the water tap and begins brushing his teeth with an electric toothbrush. Bender's ghost is watching him and hums.]
Bender's ghost: Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. [Bender's ghost rubs his hands.] Maybe he'll die if I rub 'im all over with it real slow. [Bender's ghost grunts as he tries to grab the soap, never succeeding. He is accidentally absorbed into a hair dryer. The hair dryer powers up.] Whoa, it's sick! My software can control electronics.
- [The hair dryer attacks Fry.]
Fry: What the— [Bender's ghost flies into Fry's toothbrush. It, too, attacks Fry. Fry screams as he attempts to free himself from the toothbrush. Bender's ghost flies into a razor, turns it on, and starts flying around Fry.] No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming!
- [Scene: The Planet Express conference room. Bender's head is on the conference table. Hermes removes its antenna and stretches it. Professor Farnsworth, Leela, Zoidberg, and Amy are revealed to be sitting at the table. Hermes uses the antenna to point to a graph on the screen.]
Hermes: As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. [Scruffy starts vacuum-cleaning with Bender's compartment, leg, and footcup. The crew looks at him.] Do you mind doing that later?!
Scruffy: Bite my shiny metal ass.
- [The line in the graph on the screen rises so as to reflect Scruffy's utterance. Fry enters, nervous.]
Fry: Help! I was attacked in my bathroom! By my bathroom! I'm being haunted by a ghost!
- [Amy, Leela, Professor Farnsworth, and Hermes laugh.]
Amy: Fry... You're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide. Here, take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls.
- [Amy pulls Bender's eyes out of his head and offers them to Fry. Bender's ghost enters through the wall.]
Bender's ghost: Alright. I got 'im all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom harass. [Bender's ghost rubs his hands.] One more good scare and I'll be outta Limbo!
- [Hermes suspires.]
Hermes: Did someone say Limbo?
- [Amy, Zoidberg, Leela, Fry, and Professor Farnsworth respond negatively.]
Bender's ghost: Hold on to your dookie. It's about to get spooky.
- [Bender's ghost leaves through the wall.]
- [Montage: New New York street. Bender's ghost flies into a vending machine labelled FRESH Pineapples. Fry inserts a bill and is hit by several pineapples.]
- [Cut to: The Planet Express kitchen. A toast emerges from the toaster and Fry picks it up. It has been burnt to read BO. Fry looks confused and another toast emerges. This one has been burnt to read O!. The two toasts spell BOO!. Fry screams and falls down.]
- [Scene: Outside the Planet Express headquarters.]
- [Cut to: The Planet Express hall. The door to the conference room is being controlled by Bender's ghost, opening and closing repeatedly. Fry manages to get through it safely, complaining, but is hit by one of its halves, which Zoidberg opens as he enters the room.]
- [Time lapse. Hermes, Fry, Leela, Professor Farnsworth, Zoidberg, and Amy are sitting at the conference table and Bender's ghost is watching from above.]
Fry: I'm tellin' ya. Somethin' supernatural is happening. I'm scared to death!
- [Bender's ghost giggles evilly.]
Leela: Stop being ridiculous. There's no such thing as whatever you're saying.
- [Bender's ghost flies into Leela's wristlojackimator. It slaps Fry three times.]
Fry: [as he is slapped] Ow! Ow! Ow!
Leela: Whoa. Maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice.
Fry: All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting.
- [Fry dials an old phone.]
Hermes: Who you gonna call?
- [Fry is interrupted by a beep.]
Female voice: The number you have dialled has been lame since 1989.
- [The phone attempts to choke Fry. Hermes and Amy try to help him, but Fry is only saved when Zoidberg cuts the cord with his claw. Fry screams. Professor Farnsworth is sitting at the table, quiet.]
Fry: Now do you believe me?!
Professor Farnsworth: Oh, fuff. [Professor Farnsworth stands up.] Enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science.
- [Scene: Outside the Planet Express headquarters, night.]
Gypsy: Let the séance begin!
Professor Farnsworth: I said science!
- [Cut to: The Planet Express conference room. Behind a machine labelled ELECTROFLUX THEREMIN, Zoidberg waves his hands in front of his face. The room is enlightened by candles. Professor Farnsworth, Hermes, Leela, Fry, and Amy are sitting at the conference table and clapping their hands. The gypsy is by the table. Fry inserts a coin in her slot and she powers up.]
Gypsy: The veil is lifting. I am gazing into the spirit world... And... Nothing. [to Fry] You said something about a buffet?
Bender's ghost: I'm right here, you lazy shyster!
- [Bender's ghost grunts as he flies into an iron. The iron attacks the gypsy.]
Gypsy: [calmly, as she is attacked] Wait. I'm sensing something.
- [Another slot of the gypsy's opens and loads of coins fall on the floor. Bender's ghost leaves the iron and gasps.]
Bender's ghost: I'm rich! [Bender's ghost makes sounds of excitement, but realises that he cannot reach the coins.] Aw.
Fry: [to the gypsy] Is it a ghost?!
Gypsy: There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey monkey! It's a Robot ghost.
- [Amy, Professor Farnsworth, Zoidberg, Hermes, and Leela gasp.]
Fry: A Robot ghost?! What Robot would wanna haunt me?
- [Bender's ghost appears behind Fry's chair.]
Bender's ghost: Me, dumbass! Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! [Fry scratches his back with Bender's arm.] Aw! [to the gypsy] Tell 'im, you baggy, old crone!
- [Bender's ghost flies into the gypsy's body. The gypsy's head whirls around frenetically and explodes.]
Professor Farnsworth: Finally! Any more ridiculous ideas?
- [Hermes raises his hand, much to the surprise of Professor Farnsworth.]
- [Scene: Outside the Planet Express headquarters.]
Reverend Preacherbot: Hallelujah! [Reverend Preacherbot stands in front of the door and it is opened by Leela.] I'm here to conduct a exorcism and avail myself of the buffet. [Reverend Preacherbot takes his hat off, gives it to Leela, and enters.] Can I get an amen and a goodly helpin' of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits?
- [Reverend Preacherbot grabs a plate.]
Scruffy: Right away, Reverend.
- [Scruffy puts a corn biscuit in the plate.]
- [Scene: The Planet Express hangar. Reverend Preacherbot is wiping his face with a cloth.]
Reverend Preacherbot: Oh, Lord. I got the too much macaroni sweats. Now where's this alleged apparition? [Reverend Preacherbot screams after seeing several machines flying around Fry, who is sitting on the floor, helpless. The machines are being controlled by Bender's ghost.] Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See ya.
Fry: Please! I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think. I can't even think!
- [Reverend Preacherbot sighs.]
Reverend Preacherbot: Very well. [Reverend Preacherbot puts a box on the floor, opens it, and grabs an object consisting of a parallelepiped and a pyramid.] This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a twenty-foot radius.
Bender's ghost: Bring it on, holy man!
- [Reverend Preacherbot activates the device and it creates a firewall that moves Bender's ghost away. Bender's ghost screams as he is expelled from the building. Several machines fall on the floor, making it seem that Fry is out of trouble, but one of them falls on his head. Fry screams.]
Reverend Preacherbot: Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa. By killin' 'em!
- [Scene: Robot Arms Apartments.]
- [Cut to: Apartment 00100100. Fry is sleeping with a smile on his face, holding on to the sacramental firewall. Bender's ghost enters through the wall and grunts as he tries to approach Fry, but the device makes it hard for him to do so. He is eventually able to reach the device and flies into it, deactivating it. Fry wakes up and stretches.]
Fry: So quiet! So peaceful! Time to lower my guard even for a minute. [Fry throws the firewall onto the bed. It projects a holographic image of his face that melts down into a skull and he screams. Fry's heart is now beating noticeably fast and Fry begins to faint.] A heart attack! [Fry's heart stops beating.] Yup, I was right.
- [Fry falls on the floor.]
- [Scene: The Robot Devil's office. The Robot Devil is sitting at his desk, playing solitaire at the computer. Bender's ghost enters through the wall.]
Bender's ghost: Okay, Beelze. Fry's dead.
- [The Robot Devil screams.]
Robot Devil: A ghost! [Bender's ghost approaches the Robot Devil.] Oh, it's you.
Bender's ghost: A deal's a deal, so give me my body back.
- [The Robot Devil types something in.]
Robot Devil: Fry's dead, you say? Funny. That's not what it says on his Wikipedia page.
- [The Robot Devil turns the screen to Bender's ghost. Bender's ghost looks at it.]
Bender's ghost: Survived the heart attack?! Damn you, Obamacare!
- [Scene: Hospital. A heart monitor is beeping. Hermes, Zoidberg, Professor Farnsworth, Leela, and Amy are present. Dr. Cahill is attending Fry, who is lying on a bed.]
Dr. Cahill: I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry. And my cleavage isn't helping.
Professor Farnsworth: [smiling] Not helping him.
Dr. Cahill: One more sudden shock will kill you.
- [Bender's ghost enters through the wall.]
Bender's ghost: Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was plannin'.
- [Bender's ghost flies into the heart monitor. It shows three Bender faces and begins beeping intensely.]
Fry: The machines. They're after me!
Dr. Cahill: You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish homeworld, where no machines are allowed.
- [Fry sighs.]
Fry: I guess it's for the best. [Bender's ghost's head emerges from the heart monitor and woos.] The only machine I'll ever miss is... [Fry whimpers.] Bender.
Bender's ghost: Say what?
- [Fry continues whimpering.]
Fry: Now that he's gone, I realise how valuable a Robot life can be... When it belongs to my best friend.
- [Fry cries. Bender's ghost exits the heart monitor.]
Bender's ghost: [touched] That's the closest thing to Bender is great that anyone besides me has ever said.
- [Bender's ghost whimpers.]
- [Scene: The South Street Spaceport.]
Female voice: Final boarding call for Flight 38 to the Amish homeworld. As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns.
- [Fry enters an Amish spaceship, waves to the crew, and they wave back to him. Bender's ghost passes through them.]
Bender's ghost: I'm sorry, Fry. I'm sorry! Wait for your ghost buddy!
- [Sad, Bender's ghost passes through Fry as well. The spaceship takes off as it is pulled by two oxen, who are tricked into running by an Amish man hanging a carrot in front of them.]
- [Montage: Space. The spaceship is on its way to the Amish homeworld.]
- [Cut to: The Amish homeworld. The spaceship lands as a group of Amish awaits its arrival. The door opens and Fry, followed by Bender's ghost, exits. He is greeted by three women who offer him a hat, a dinner jacket, and a black beard. Fry gives the black beard back and is given an identical one in orange.]
- [Cut to: Outside. Fry and a group of Amish men, unknowingly helped by Bender's ghost, finish building a barn shaped like a geodesic dome. Fry contemplates his work while Bender's ghost has his arms raised.]
- [Cut to: Bakery. A woman removes a set of sweets from the fireplace. Fry does the same, but his sweets do not look as good. Fry is disappointed, but Bender approves of them.]
- [Cut to: Wheat field. Bender's ghost passes through Fry, stares at his own hands, and hugs Fry, only to realise that Fry cannot see him.]
- [Cut to: Bedroom. Fry is sleeping while Bender is lying at the foot of the bed.]
- [Scene: Outside. Fry is driving a carriage that sustains the barn and is being pulled by the two oxen. The Amish spaceship appears, much to Fry's surprise, and lands. A window of the ship's is opened by an Amish man.]
Amish man: Brother Fry, thou hast visitors.
- [The Amish man looks down with a smile on his face as the crew exits the spaceship. Leela, Professor Farnsworth, Zoidberg, Hermes, and Amy greet Fry. Another Amish man and a mysterious-looking lady also come out.]
Fry: Well, yank my beard. This be a surprise.
- [Fry hugs Leela and shakes Professor Farnsworth's hand.]
Leela: How are you, Fry?
Fry: Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple, but plain. And, though Bender be gone, somehow, I feel he's still with me.
- [Listening to the conversation, Bender's ghost whimpers.]
Bender's ghost: I sure am, Brother Fry. [The mysterious-looking lady approaches Bender's ghost.] Yo, big bonnet! Move your ugly but modest head covering. Oh, right. You can't hear me.
- [The mysterious-looking lady speaks in the Robot Devil's voice.]
Robot Devil: Oh, I hear you loud and clear.
- [The lady takes off her bonnet, revealing the Robot Devil's face. Bender screams.]
Bender's ghost: You're not Granny Hester! What have you done with Granny Hester?!
Robot Devil: She's naked, but unharmed. And now, Bender, it's time to fulfil your end of the deal.
Bender's ghost: Sorry. I'm not gonna kill Fry. Take me to Hell for all eternity. Just as long as my little bearded meatbag gets to live.
Robot Devil: That he will not! For, you see, it is your fate to kill him.
- [The Robot Devil laughs evilly.]
Bender's ghost: Says you! [The two oxen bellow.] I would never kill Fry! Not even to save my own life!
Robot Devil: But, Bender, isn't a Robot life worth ever so much more than a Human life?
Bender's ghost: Of course not! What idiot thinks that?!
- [The Robot Devil crosses his arms.]
Robot Devil: You!
- [Bender's ghost gasps.]
Bender's ghost: You're usin' my own words against me! [screaming] Go to Hell!
- [The oxen are scared by Bender's screaming. The Robot Devil crosses his arms again.]
Robot Devil: Soon enough. But, first, the killing. Have you noticed that animals are sometimes spooked by Robot ghosts?
Bender's ghost: So what?! I hate animals! [Bender's ghost scares the oxen once again, causing them to bellow angrily and run away with the carriage. The carriage gone, the barn begins rolling down the hill towards the crew. The Robot Devil laughs evilly. Bender's ghost gasps.] Run for your life, Fry! Move your hemp flaps!
Robot Devil: He can't hear you, Bender. I'm afraid your friend is about to be Fully Buckminstered!
Bender's ghost: Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way.
Robot Devil: Ah, but there aren't any machines on this planet!
Bender's ghost: There's one, you rusty, old dummy.
- [Bender's ghost flies into the Robot Devil's body. The Robot Devil screams.]
Robot Devil: Hey, no fair! Ocupado!
- [The Devil is attacked by his own limbs.]
Bender's ghost: [in the Robot Devil's body] Got you! Get over here, Devil!
- [Meanwhile, Fry is talking to Hermes, Zoidberg, Leela, and Professor Farnsworth.]
Fry: And Scruffy's buffet? How's that going?
- [Bender, in the Robot Devil's body, runs towards Fry.]
Bender's ghost: [in the Robot Devil's body] Fry! Fry! Look out for that bowlin' barn!
- [Professor Farnsworth, Amy, Leela, Zoidberg, and Hermes scream and run. Fry does nothing.]
Fry: Bender?! Is that thou?
- [Bender's ghost, in the Robot Devil's body, heads for the moving barn.]
Bender's ghost: [in the Robot Devil's body, in slow motion] I love you!
- [Bender's ghost, in the Robot Devil's body, diverts Fry from the barn's trajectory, but is squashed. Fry is saved. The crew goes to aid of Fry.]
Amy: Oh, my God! That was close!
Hermes: Did you see that?
Leela: Are you okay? What just happened?
- [Fry sighs.]
Fry: Well, I think the Robot Devil said he'd loved me in Bender's voice, wearing Granny Hester's clothes. I wanna go home!
- [Scene: Robot Hell. Robots are screaming. The ghosts of the Robot Devil and Bender descend through Hell.]
Robot Devil's ghost: You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you are banished to Hell. [They arrive at the office. The Robot Devil opens a closet with four Devil bodies and flies into one.] I get a new body and you get to be a translucid chump 'til the end of time!
Bender's ghost: Big deal! I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won.
Robot Devil: Uh, really? [The Robot Demons start playing.] [singing] You may find your victory pyrrhic, when subjected to this lyric, for a trillion years or so. Yeah!
- [Bender's ghost is pulled upward, surprising himself and the Robot Devil.]
Bender's ghost: Whoa!
Robot Devil: Hey, where are you going?!
Bender's ghost: I don't know and I don't care!
- [Cut to: Outside the Planet Express headquarters. Bender's ghost is still being pulled upward.]
Bender's ghost: Yeah, I'm back! [Bender's ghost continues being pulled upward.] Wait. This is my stop! [Bender's ghost ascends through a cloud, reaching a gate with the letters R and H. The gate opens. Bender's ghost enters and spots a white Robot resembling Robot 1-X.] Oh, this guy...
White Robot: Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven.
Bender's ghost: Shut up, God!
White Robot: Beg pardon?
Bender's ghost: I wanna go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth.
- [Bender's ghost flies into the white Robot's body.]
White Robot: Hey, what are you— [Bender's ghost's arms emerge from the white Robot's sides and punch him.] Ow! Hey, stop that! I command you, you jerk! [The white Robot sighs.] Just get out.
- [Bender's ghost is kicked out of Robot Heaven, falls back down, and screams.]
- [Scene: Outside the Planet Express headquarters.]
- [Cut to: The Planet Express conference room. Amy, Professor Farnsworth, Zoidberg, Hermes, Fry, and Leela are sitting at the conference table, where Bender's dead head is standing. Fry sighs as he picks his nose with Bender's arm.]
Fry: Woo! I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. [Fry is slapped by Bender's arm.] Ow!
- [Bender's arm and the remainder of Bender's body parts gather, forming Bender. The crew is perplexed. Bender's ghost enters through the ceiling and joins his body. Bender powers up.]
Bender: I'm back, baby!
- [Zoidberg, Hermes, and Leela gasp. Fry walks up to Bender.]
Fry: You're back from the dead?!
Bender: I'm back from lots of stuff.
- [Fry and Bender hug.]
Fry: Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much! [Fry lets go.] Hey, wait. Did you haunt me?
- [Fry looks at Bender in suspicion. Bender's eyes begin shifting.]
- [Closing Credits.]
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