Transcript:Möbius Dick

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Transcript for
Möbius Dick
Written byDan Vebber
Transcribed bySanfazer


[Opening Credits. Caption: FEATURING SPARKY, THE INVISIBLE ELF]
[Scene: Outside the Planet Express headquarters, day. Professor Farnsworth, who is in the tower balcony, sighs.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express conference room. Hermes, Amy, Zoidberg, Fry, and Bender are sitting at the conference table. Bender is smoking a cigar. Leela sits down.]

Leela: Where's the Professor?

Bender: Eh, probably dead. Already dissolving in a bathtub if we're lucky.

[Professor Farnsworth enters.]

Professor Farnsworth: I was out on the widow's walk keeping a hopeless vigil for the return of my first delivery crew. [Professor Farnsworth walks up to the table.] It's been fifty years since they disappeared.

[Professor Farnsworth sits down.]

Fry: Huh. I knew you had other crews, but you never told us you had a first crew.

Professor Farnsworth: I remember it like it was interesting.

[Professor Farnsworth looks up.]
[Flashback: Outside the Planet Express headquarters, day. Professor Farnsworth, now younger, is still looking up. The building, which has a sign reading PLANET EXPRESS GRAND OPENING! and no tower balcony and is surrounded by a fence and the sea, is in front of him. Four sheep and a tree are there as well. One sheep bleats.]

Professor Farnsworth: [voice-over] I had just built my new shipping and receiving emporium.

[Cut to: Outside Homeless Depot. A group of sixteen individuals, including men, women, and two Robots, is there.]

Professor Farnsworth: [voice-over] And I scoured the hardware-store parking lot to assemble the finest crew imaginable.

[A hoverlorry driven by Professor Farnsworth parks in front of Homeless Depot. The group walks up to it.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express hangar. A woman from the parking lot is there. The woman blinks twice and winks once.]

Professor Farnsworth: [voice-over] There was Candy, the raunchy by-the-books navigator... [The camera pans over to a Robot from the parking lot.] Lifter, the devastatingly handsome forklift... [The camera pans over to a man from the parking lot. The man blinks three times.] And Captain Lando Tucker, a dedicated young man with no characteristics.

[Professor Farnsworth is there as well.]

Lando Tucker: We'll deliver that package or die trying.

[Zoidberg, who has brown hair resembling that of Fonzie from Happy Days and is wearing a pair of shorts, enters and walks up to Candy, Lifter, and Lando Tucker.]

Zoidberg: Eh! It's all my favourite patients. And also Captain Tucker. Pow!

[Lifter and Lando Tucker laugh.]

Candy: Whoa!

[Candy and Zoidberg high-five. Lando Tucker points at Zoidberg.]

Lando Tucker: You totally got me, Dr. John. [Lando Tucker crosses his arms.] You're hilarious.

[Cut to: The Planet Express conference room, 3011. Hermes, Amy, Fry, Bender, and Leela turn to Zoidberg.]

Hermes: Zoidberg was popular?!

Amy: Zoidberg had hair?!

Professor Farnsworth: I never said he had hair! [Professor Farnsworth stands up and puts both his hands on the table.] If you chose to imagine 'im that way, that's your business. [Professor Farnsworth sits down.] Anyway...

[Flashback: Outside the Planet Express headquarters, day. The sign is gone. A ship resembling the Planet Express ship is in take-off position. A bridge is connecting the tower and the ship.]

Professor Farnsworth: [voice-over] The time came for our first delivery.

[A young woman, a young boy, Lando Tucker, Lifter, Zoidberg, and Candy are on the bridge. Lando Tucker, Zoidberg, and Candy are wearing space suits. The young woman and Lando Tucker are holding hands. The young boy is hugging Lando Tucker. The young woman cries.]

Young woman: Lando, don't forget about me and Junior.

[Lando Tucker puts his right hand on the young woman's left shoulder.]

Lando Tucker: I won't, honey. [Lando Tucker puts his right hand on his chest.] Or die trying.

[Professor Farnsworth walks up to Lando Tucker, Lifter, Zoidberg, and Candy.]

Professor Farnsworth: Well, crew, this is it. That cookie bouquet isn't going to deliver itself.

[Lifter is holding a cookie bouquet with a piece of paper reading HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA! on it. Lando Tucker salutes Professor Farnsworth.]
[Time lapse. The bridge is pulled towards the tower.]

Professor Farnsworth: [off camera] Ten...

[Cut to: The Planet Express tower room. Professor Farnsworth is looking at the ship through the window. Several scientists are sitting down behind him.]

Professor Farnsworth: [continued] Nine and so on. Three... [A scientist turns two dials from OFF to ON.] Two... [A scientist opens a glass case containing a button.] One.

[The scientist presses the button.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express hangar. The ship takes off.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express tower room.]

Scientist: Go, you big metal bird! Get up there!

[Cut to: Outside the Planet Express headquarters. The ship flies away as the young woman and the young boy look up.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express tower room. Professor Farnsworth salutes, happy.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express conference room, 3011. Professor Farnsworth is still saluting, sad. The camera zooms out, focusing on Hermes.]

Hermes: Incredible! [Hermes turns to his right.] Zoidberg had friends?!

[Hermes shrugs.]

Zoidberg: It was a different time.

[Zoidberg shrugs.]
[Flashback: The Planet Express tower room. Professor Farnsworth, who is walking among the scientists, touches the left shoulder of one of them with his left hand. The scientist turns to him, speaks, and turns back.]

Professor Farnsworth: [voice-over] Everything was going smoothly until right after that part I was just telling you about. [Professor Farnsworth continues walking among the scientists. Another scientist turns to him and lifts up a telephone.] Suddenly, Amanda's aunt called to say her niece hadn't received her cookie bouquet.

[Professor Farnsworth grabs the telephone, puts it next to his right ear, listening for a while, and drops it.]
[Cut to: The street. A hoverlorry with SOB 'N' STROLL - 24 HRS - WIDOW'S WALK INSTALLATION on its side and a metallic representation of a crying woman on its top drives away, revealing the Planet Express headquarters. The camera zooms in on the Planet Express tower balcony. Professor Farnsworth, who is looking up, walks around the tower balcony in cuts.]

Professor Farnsworth: [voice-over] I watched the skies for weeks. With only occasional breaks to tender my grief diarrhea.

[Professor Farnsworth looks troubled and runs off.]
[Time lapse. Professor Farnsworth is looking down.]

Professor Farnsworth: [voice-over] Just when all hope was lost...

[Professor Farnsworth shrugs, looks up, and gasps. An unidentified object is approaching the Planet Express tower at great speed.]

Professor Farnsworth: The ship's escape pod! [Professor Farnsworth takes a step back just as an escape pod with PLANET EXPRESS and a Planet Express logo on it crashes into the wall. The escape pod opens. Zoidberg, who has unkempt, white hair, emerges, falls down, and stands up.] What happened up there, Johnny?

Zoidberg: Aw! Don't make me remember! So horrible, it was.

[Zoidberg screeches and falls down.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express conference room, 3011. Zoidberg, Amy, and Hermes are looking at Professor Farnsworth.]

Amy: I thought you said he didn't have hair.

Professor Farnsworth: Yes, but something he saw on that mission traumatised 'im so severely, he grew hair! [Professor Farnsworth hits the holographic projector on the conference table with both his hands.] Just so it could turn white! Sadly, my brave crew was gone forever.

[Professor Farnsworth begins crying. The camera zooms out, revealing Leela. Leela whimpers.]

Leela: That poor, incompetent crew. [Leela puts her right hand on both Professor Farnsworth's hands.] What do you think happened, Professor?

[Professor Farnsworth whimpers.]

Professor Farnsworth: They were lost in the Bermuda Tetrahedron!

[Professor Farnsworth activates the holographic projector. The holographic projector shows a rotating tetrahedron. Professor Farnsworth points at it with his left hand. Bender, Fry, Zoidberg, Amy, and Hermes gasp.]

Leela: That's ridiculous. [Leela turns to her right and crosses her arms.] The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth.

Professor Farnsworth: I'm glad you're so brave in the face of the unknown, Leela. [Professor Farnsworth deactivates the holographic projector and sits down.] Because, for your next mission, you'll be flying directly through... [Professor Farnsworth stands up.] The Bermuda Tetrahedron!

[Professor Farnsworth activates the holographic projector. The holographic projector shows the Bermuda Tetrahedron. Professor Farnsworth points at it with his left hand. Bender, Fry, Zoidberg, Amy, and Hermes gasp. Leela stands up.]

Leela: Or we could fly around it.

[Leela charts a path resembling an omega around the Bermuda Tetrahedron.]

Professor Farnsworth: Of course you could! You'd be stupid not to.

Bender: Supposing we're not stupid, what kinda stupid mission is this?!

Professor Farnsworth: You'll be picking up a monument commemorating my lost crew. [Professor Farnsworth folds his hands.] To be unveiled Tuesday at their memorial ceremony. All the grieving families will be there. [Professor Farnsworth unfolds his hands.] Plus, a popsicle cart!

[Professor Farnsworth deactivates the holographic projector. Leela stands up and salutes.]

Leela: You can count on us, Professor. We'll get that monument here in time.

[Leela crosses her arms.]

Bender: Hooray!

Amy: Woohoo!

Bender: Yeah!

[Fry, Zoidberg, and Hermes cheer in an indistinct manner.]

Leela: Or die trying.

Zoidberg: We're gonna try— What?

[Bender, Fry, Zoidberg, Amy, and Hermes look scared.]
[Scene: Space. A planet resembling Earth is seen. XENOTAPH 3 appears on the screen. The Planet Express ship flies by the planet.]
[Cut to: The surface of Xenotaph 3. The Planet Express ship has landed. Several four-armed, green Aliens are carving statues. The camera pans over to a statue with the figures of Candy, Lando Tucker, and Lifter and IN MEMORY OF THE 1st PLANET EXPRESS SHIP AND IT'S CREW on it, passing by Hermes, Amy, Bender, Zoidberg, Fry, and Leela, who are walking up to it. A green Alien that is bigger than the other ones is by the statue.]

Green Alien: 'Ere you go. "In memory of the 1st Planet Express ship and it's crew".

Leela: Hang on. [Leela points at the statue with her left hand.] It's shouldn't have an apostrophe. This means and it is crew. What the hell's wrong with you?!

Green Alien: It's a minor error, lady. I mean, we're space Aliens. [The green Alien points at himself with his four hands.] It's a miracle we can even speak English.

[Leela walks up to the green Alien.]

Leela: The miracle is that I'm not kickin' your ass! [Leela hits the green Alien's chest with her right index finger.] I insist you recarve the entire statue correctly.

[Leela crosses her arms. The green Alien raises his.]

Green Alien: Okay. Okay. [screaming] Hey, Charlie! Hack off another block of ivory!

[Another green Alien, who is next to an elephant in a cage, activates a lightsaber and chops something off with it. A tusk falls down in front of him. The elephant trumpets.]
[Scene: Space. The Planet Express ship, which is carrying the statue, leaves Xenotaph 3.]

Amy: [off camera] Well, the statue's perfect now.

[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. Leela is at the wheel, Zoidberg and Fry are standing up, and Amy, Hermes, and Bender are sitting down. Amy shrugs.]

Amy: Too bad we won't make it back in time for the memorial service.

[Amy shrugs.]

Leela: We'll make it. Or die trying.

[Leela turns the wheel to her right. Fry falls down.]

Fry: Whoa!

[Cut to: Space. The Planet Express ship turns to its right.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. An alarm goes off.]

Leela: We're cutting through the Bermuda Tetrahedron.

[Fry stands up.]

Bender: Woo! [Bender turns to Leela.] Wait. The Bermuda Tetrahedron?

[Bender, Hermes, Fry, and Amy look scared and scream.]
[Cut to: Space. The Planet Express ship approaches the Bermuda Tetrahedron.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. Amy and Fry are looking scared. Leela is focusing on her piloting. The camera pans over to Zoidberg. Zoidberg is sitting on the floor and looking scared.]

Zoidberg: Aw... I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot.

[Zoidberg puts his claws around his head. The dials go in both directions. The camera zooms out, revealing Amy.]

Amy: Uh-oh. The dials are terrified!

[A wave of red light gradually fills the Planet Express ship.]

Leela: Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's fire!

[Cut to: Space. The Planet Express ship is surrounded by red sparks.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. Bender laughs and complains as he is attacked by red sparks.]

Bender: Ow.

[The Planet Express ship makes it through the Bermuda Tetrahedron.]

Leela: There. See? It was no big thing.

[A large ship hits the Planet Express ship. Hermes, Bender, Leela, Amy, and Fry fall down. Fry and Leela stand up.]

Hermes: What was that big thing?

[Cut to: Space. Zoidberg, Bender, Fry, Amy, Leela, and Hermes walk up to the window and look out of it. Several ships are drifting.]

Fry: [off camera] It's a spaceship graveyard. [on camera] Why did we have to come 'ere at night?

Hermes: Look at all these famous lost ships. [Hermes gasps and points to his right with his left hand.] There's the Garmin. [Hermes gasps and points to his left with his left hand.] And the TomTom.

[Leela points to her left with her left hand.]

Leela: Over there! It's the original Planet Express ship!

[Scene: Space. The ship from the first delivery of the first Planet Express crew is seen.]

Amy: [off camera] What caused all that damage?

[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge.]

Amy: Could it've been flavour-blasted?

[Amy shrugs.]

Leela: We'd better investigate. [There is thunder.] Looks like an Ion Storm, though. [Leela turns to her right.] Everyone suit up!

[Leela folds her hands.]
[Cut to: Space. The first Planet Express ship and the current Planet Express ship have been connected through a wire. Five crew members wearing space suits and helmets move from the current to the first.]
[Cut to: The first Planet Express kitchen. Leela, Amy, Bender, Fry, and Hermes enter. All but Bender are wearing space suits and helmets.]

Leela: Whatever happened here, that first crew left in a hurry. [The camera zooms out, revealing a table with three hamburgers, three soda cups, and two chip packages on it.] The table is still set from McDonald's value dinner!

[Zoidberg, who is wearing a space suit and a helmet, enters.]

Zoidberg: I remember. I remember! [Zoidberg walks up to the table.] This is what traumatised me. Such a meal to got to waste! [Zoidberg takes his helmet off, throws it away, and eats the food.] And, with that... [Zoidberg burps.] I have closure.

[Zoidberg's fin appears.]

Amy: Hey, Zoidberg. You're cockatieling.

[Amy points at Zoidberg's fin. Zoidberg turns to his left.]

Zoidberg: Oh, no. [Zoidberg blinks.] Something's happening! [Zoidberg looks around.] What's happening?!

[Zoidberg looks up.]
[Cut to: Space. The first Planet Express ship and the current Planet Express ship are seen. The camera zooms out, revealing a black hole. A gigantic sperm whale emerges out of the black hole and whistles.]
[Cut to: The first Planet Express ship kitchen. Amy, Bender, Fry, Hermes, and Leela gasp. The sperm whale passes by the window.]

Zoidberg: Oh, right! And there was a giant killer space whale.

[Scene: Space. The space whale, the first Planet Express ship, the current Planet Express ship, and three other spaceships are seen. The space whale flies around the two Planet Express ships and faces Zoidberg, Amy, Bender, Leela, Fry, and Hermes through the window.]

Bender: Holy crap! [Bender points at the space whale.] It's a giant space fish!

[Leela turns to Bender.]

Leela: Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. [The space whale opens its mouth.] It's a space mammal.

[Bender turns to Leela.]

Bender: Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten.

[Bender crosses his arms. Zoidberg, Amy, Fry, and Hermes run away.]
[Cut to: Space. The space whale bites the first Planet Express ship. Bender screams.]
[Cut to: The first Planet Express ship kitchen. Hermes, Leela, Amy, Fry, Bender, and Zoidberg watch in horror. All but Amy, who is sitting on the floor, are standing up. Amy stands up. All run away.]

Hermes: Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives!

[Cut to: Space. Hermes, Leela, Amy, Fry, Bender, and Zoidberg jump out of the first Planet Express ship just before the whale eats it whole.]

Fry: Man, look at 'im go! Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener.

[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. Now stripped of their space equipment, Leela, Zoidberg, Amy, Fry, Bender, and Hermes enter and head for their places. Leela pants and jumps to her chair.]

Zoidberg: [repeatedly] Woob.

[Bender pants. Leela presses a button. An ignition sound is heard.]
[Cut to: Space. The Planet Express ship flies away. The space whale looks angry, goes after the Planet Express ship, and opens its mouth.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. Leela turns the wheel to her right.]
[Cut to: Space. The Planet Express ship flies below Oceanic Flight 815, above a UFO, and between other ships. Amy and Bender scream.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. Leela pulls the wheel back.]
[Cut to: Space. The Planet Express ship flies below another ship. The space whale dives into a black hole that has just appeared.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. Amy, Zoidberg, Fry, and Hermes are looking scared. Leela is focusing on her piloting.]

Leela: I did it! I outran 'im!

[Amy, Fry, and Hermes sigh. Zoidberg's fin disappears.]

Zoidberg: Relax, friends.

[Cut to: Space. Another black hole appears. The space whale emerges out of it and whistles.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. Hermes is typing at a computer, the screen of which shows the space whale. Zoidberg's fin appears. Zoidberg looks at it.]

Zoidberg: Panic, jerks!

[Hermes gasps and stops typing.]

Hermes: That's no ordinary space whale! [Hermes turns to his right.] It's a four-dimensional space whale!

Amy: Of course! And it only breaches into our 3-D universe to hunt and fill its lungs with vacuum!

Leela: Whatever its beef is, our one mission now is to get that monument to Earth.

[Cut to: Space. The four-dimensional space whale eats the monument, damaging the ship.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. Zoidberg and Amy are on the floor and Hermes and Fry are leaning against machinery. Zoidberg, Amy, Bender, and Fry stand up. Hermes leans back in his chair.]

Leela: Correction: Our one mission now is to avenge the loss of that monument.

[Cut to: Space. The engines of the Planet Express ship start, but the space whale eats them, leaving the ship to drift, and dives into another black hole that has just appeared.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. All but Bender are sitting down. The lights go off.]

Amy: Shmeesh! He gonked off the engines!

Leela: That won't stop me! [The lights go back on. Leela stands up.] Raise the solar sails. I'm goin' after that "Möbius Dick".

[Zoidberg, Amy, Fry, Bender, and Hermes protest. Zoidberg, Amy, Fry, and Hermes turn to Leela.]

Hermes: You been hittin' the Red Stripe, woman!

[Leela turns to Hermes.]

Leela: Comport yourself, Mr. Conrad! When we're at space, the Captain's word is law. [Leela points at herself with her left hand.] I could marry you and Bender against your will if I wanted to.

[Leela points at Hermes and Bender with her left hand. Hermes looks at Bender and gasps. Bender looks at Hermes. Hermes looks at Leela.]

Hermes: You wouldn't dare!

[Bender crosses his arms and looks at Leela.]

Bender: I've been married to worse.

[Fry walks up to Leela and puts his left hand on her right shoulder.]

Fry: Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. [Fry removes his hand from Leela's shoulder. Amy, Zoidberg, and Hermes have stood up.] You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession.

[Fry points at Leela with his right hand.]

Leela: There's nothing personal about this! [Leela points at Fry with her right hand.] That thing screwed up my delivery! This time, [musical sting] it's business!

[Montage: Space. Bender, Zoidberg, Amy, and Fry are pulling ropes as Leela watches, raising three pillars, one of which grows a crow's nest. Leela looks and points to her right. Zoidberg hits a pedal with a hammer, making the solar sails appear.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express ship kitchen. Fry holds a button on a barrel with EMPEROR GROG'S SPACE GROG and a drawing of a space pirate on it, thus filling a beer mug, and releases it. Hermes is sitting down and resting his feet on another barrel. Amy, Fry, and Bender are standing up. Zoidberg is sitting on the floor. Hermes, Amy, and Fry are holding beer mugs, Bender is holding an accordion, and Zoidberg is holding nothing. A fourth beer mug has been spilt on the floor. All are dancing. Leela, who is holding a mop with her right hand, comes in and points down. The camera pans over to the bottom of the Planet Express ship. Bender, Amy, Zoidberg, Hermes, and Fry are scrubbing. All but Bender are wearing space suits and helmets.]
[Cut to: The Captain's quarters. Several sea-related objects and a bed are there. Leela looks at a map on the wall and puts a ship pin on it. The ship pin sinks, making a hole in the Planet Express ship itself. The objects are blown out into space through the hole. Leela holds on to the bed in order to not be blown out as well. Bender is pulled to the hole, filling it and saving Leela.]
[Scene: Space. The Planet Express ship is still.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. Leela is moving a compass around a map with her right hand. Zoidberg is to her right. The camera zooms out.]

Leela: Maybe, if I move the compass like this, it will somehow kill the whale.

[The door opens. The camera pans over to Amy, Hermes, Fry, and Bender, who have just entered. Amy and Bender look angry and Hermes and Fry look concerned. The door closes. Hermes crosses his arms.]

Amy: Leela, we need to talk. You've gone from crazy like a fox to crazy like Fox News!

[Leela has turned to her left.]

Leela: Fear not the space behemoth. [Leela turns back to her right.] In my dreams, I've peered beyond its eyes and into the cackling hell within us all.

[Leela turns to her left.]

Fry: Okay... [Fry looks down.] That's a good point.

Bender: Fry's right! Let's kill the Captain and order some strippers! [Bender walks up to Hermes.] [in a different tone] Yeah, what he said. [Bender walks up to Fry and points at him with both his hands.] [in his regular tone] It's a mutiny led by Fry!

[Leela, who has turned back to her right, turns to her left.]

Leela: That's enough insubordination, Mr. Fry!

[Bender has walked up to Amy.]

Bender: [in a different tone] String 'im up!

[Scene: Space. The Planet Express ship is navigating wildly through a storm. Bender, who is in the crow's nest, becomes seasick, pulls a paper tube out of his chest cabinet, unwinds it, leaving it empty, puts it in front of his head, and zooms in with his eyes, forming a monocular.]

Bender: Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them. [Bender sees the four-dimensional space whale and gasps loudly.] Look! Off in the distance! It's exhaling!

Leela: [off camera] Use boaty talk!

[Bender sighs and points at the four-dimensional space whale.]

Bender: Thare she blows!

[Scene: The Planet Express ship bridge. The four-dimensional space whale, which is seen through the window, whistles.]

Leela: Alright. [Fry, Zoidberg, Hermes, Bender, and Amy look at Leela.] Which of you space dogs has the guts and know-how to harpoon that whale?

Amy: I spent a semester in Africa harpooning giraffes. And giraffes are basically just land space whales.

[Leela nods.]

Leela: Miss Wong, you have the 'poon.

[Leela hands Amy a speargun.]
[Scene: Space. Amy, who is wearing a space suit and a helmet, cocks the speargun and aims at the four-dimensional space whale. Giraffes are heard running.]

Amy: Oh, God! I'm having a Serengeti flashback! [furiously] Die, you dirty giraffe!

[Amy shoots. The four-dimensional space whale whistles and starts flying very fast. The harpoon rope begins being pulled.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. Hermes, Leela, Fry, Zoidberg, and Bender are looking in the same direction. Amy enters, still wearing her space suit and helmet.]

Amy: Well, I got it. Now what, Captain?

Leela: You know, I'm not sure. [Leela turns to her left. The four-dimensional space whale, which is seen through the window, continues flying.] I guess I thought whales died when you harpooned them.

[Cut to: Space. The harpoon rope is fully pulled and the Planet Express ship begins being pulled too.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. Leela starts flying and screams. Bender flies against the wall and grunts. Amy flies against Bender and grunts. Fry flies against Amy and grunts. Bender disappears. Hermes flies against Fry and grunts. Zoidberg flies against Hermes and grunts. Leela flies against Zoidberg and grunts. Bender flies against Leela and grunts.]
[Cut to: Space. The four-dimensional space whale pulls the Planet Express ship around.]

Leela: [off camera] Don't worry.

[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. Leela, Bender, Zoidberg, Hermes, Fry, and Amy, who are squatting, stand up.]

Leela: I'll drop the anchor.

[Leela presses a button on her chair with her left hand. An anchor flies against Leela, making her fly against Bender, Zoidberg, Hermes, Fry, and Amy. Leela, Amy, and Fry grunt.]

Zoidberg: Ouch.

[The four-dimensional space whale whistles. A black hole appears. Hermes points forward with his left hand.]

Hermes: She's diving into the fourth dimension!

Amy: We have to cut the rope!

Leela: Negative, Sailor Moon. [Leela lets go of the anchor.] We're goin' for a sleigh ride.

[Cut to: Space. The four-dimensional space whale dives into the black hole, making the Planet Express ship do the same. The black hole disappears.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. The four-dimensional space whale, which is seen through the window, flies between coloured backgrounds. A duplicated Hermes hovers from one side to the other.]

Hermes: I can see sideways in time.

[Hermes says the same thing backwards. A duplicated Amy hovers and rotates to the left.]

Amy: Gee, I see CGI. [Amy rotates to the right.] IGC ees I, eej.

[A duplicated Fry hovers upside-down.]

Fry: Poop! [Fry laughs.] Poop!

[A duplicated Bender looks up.]

Bender: Aw, yeah. [A highly duplicated Bender walks through the air.] [quickly, repeatedly] Bender! Bender! Bender!

[Cut to: Space. A black hole appears. The four-dimensional space whale and the Planet Express ship emerge out of it. The four-dimensional space whale whistles.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. Bender unduplicates.]

Bender: Aw. That was the greatest uncountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

Amy: Look out! [Amy points forward.] It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs!

[Cut to: Space. The Planet Express is being pulled through a field of giant diamonds.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. The four-dimensional space whale, which is seen through the window, whistles. One of the spacebergs hits the window. Bender turns to his left and crosses his arms.]

Bender: Stupid rocks! [Amy looks at Bender.] Think they're so great!

[Amy turns to Bender.]

Amy: Well, they are giant diamonds.

[Bender's head rolls around. His pupils do the same, turning into lozenges.]

Bender: What?!

[Cut to: Space. Bender, who is on the crow's nest, giggles, grabs a net from the floor, and holds it up.]

Bender: Come to papa!

[One of the spacebergs hits Bender. Bender's head and arms are separated from the rest of his body. Bender screams.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. Two cameras are showing the rest of Bender's body on the crow's nest. Fry is looking at one of them and turns to Leela.]

Fry: A lotta Bender fell outta the crow's nest! [Fry points at the other camera with his left hand.] We need to cut the line!

Leela: Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry! We've got to murder that whale or die trying.

Hermes: This has gone too far! [Hermes hits the table where he is working with both his hands and turns to his right.] Bender's one of Planet Express' most expensive appliances! And he's in trouble!

Leela: That's it! [Leela stands up.] I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and—

[Fry and Hermes jump at Leela.]

Zoidberg: Aw! So close.

[Cut to: Space. The four-dimensional space whale is pulling the Planet Express ship with fury. Zoidberg, who is wearing a space suit and a helmet, cuts the harpoon rope with his right claw and waves with his left claw. The Planet Express ship is still.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express ship bridge. Amy, Fry, and Bender are watching the four-dimensional space whale through the window. The four-dimensional space whale whistles. Bender puts his head on his torso with both his hands and whirls it around until it is properly attached. Hermes is sitting on top of Leela.]

Leela: Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win! Hi-yah! [Leela kicks Hermes away. Hermes grunts. Leela pulls a knife out of her right boot with her right hand. Amy, Fry, and Bender turn to Leela.] [off camera] You're all too weak! [on camera] I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew! [Leela grabs the helmet on her chair, puts it on, and points at herself twice with her knife.] Understood? [in a different tone] You've gone mad, Captain. [in her regular tone] That's enough outta me! [Leela takes two steps forward.] Now come on! I gotta find that whale. [The four-dimensional space whale eats the part of the Planet Express ship where Hermes, Amy, Fry, and Bender are standing.] I found 'im! [Leela runs to what is now the edge of the Planet Express ship, jumps towards the four-dimensional space whale, passes her knife to her left hand, and screams.] With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese knife, I stab at thee. [Leela lands on the four-dimensional space whale and stabs it six times, grunting.] You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right?

[The four-dimensional space whale opens its mouth. Leela screams as she falls in it. The four-dimensional closes its mouth, whistles, and dives into a black hole that has just appeared. The black hole disappears. An escape pod descends. Zoidberg, who is seen through the window, grows unkempt, brown hair, which turns white.]
[Scene: Outside the Planet Express headquarters, day. Professor Farnsworth, who is looking up in the Planet Express tower balcony, sighs and looks down. A noise is heard. Professor Farnsworth looks up. An escape pod is approaching the Planet Express tower at great speed. Professor Farnsworth takes a step back just as the escape pod crashes into the wall. The escape pod opens. Zoidberg emerges, screams, and turns to Professor Farnsworth.]

Zoidberg: Hello.

[Cut to: The Planet Express laboratory. Professor Farnsworth cuts the hair on the left side of Zoidberg's head with scissors on his left hand.]

Professor Farnsworth: Think, Zoidberg. [Professor Farnsworth rotates Zoidberg to the left.] You must remember something!

[Professor Farnsworth puts both his hands on Zoidberg's shoulders. Zoidberg is sitting on a chair.]

Zoidberg: No! Nothing! For all I know, our friends could've been eaten by some kind of crazy space whale!

[Professor Farnsworth gets to the back of the chair, pulls the scissors out of his jacket with his right hand, cuts the hair on the right side of Zoidberg's head, hits a table with his left hand, and puts the scissors on his right hand on it.]

Professor Farnsworth: Damn that Bermuda Tetrahedron! [Professor Farnsworth grabs a shaving machine with his left hand.] It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one!

[Professor Farnsworth shaves Zoidberg's head.]

Zoidberg: Not to mention those single socks from the dryer. Am I right?

[Professor Farnsworth hits Zoidberg.]

Professor Farnsworth: [angry] Shut up, Zoidberg! [Professor Farnsworth lets go of the shaving machine.] [sad] Oh, Zoidberg! [Professor Farnsworth puts both his hands around his head.] The grieving relatives will be gathered here tomorrow in need of comfort. [Professor Farnsworth removes his hands from his head as he walks, folds them, and turns to his left.] And, with no stone monument, they may well demand that I refund their admission fees.

[Professor Farnsworth begins crying. Zoidberg stands up, begins crying as well, walks up to Professor Farnsworth, and hugs him.]
[Scene: Inside the four-dimensional space whale. Leela opens her eye. Fry, Hermes, Amy, and Bender are there as well. Leela is lying down and Fry is sitting down. All the others are standing up. Leela's jacket and helmet are on the floor. Leela stands up.]

Leela: Where are we?

Hermes: In the belly of the beast.

[Fry stands up.]

Fry: Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale! Pinocchio!

Amy: This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault!

[Amy points at Leela and crosses her arms.]

Bender: Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now. Hiding from work in the ceiling. But no!

[Bender raises his arms.]

Leela: For the last time, I'm not obsessed. I just want this whale to die, die, die!

[Leela stabs the floor three times. The four-dimensional space whale begins trembling.]

Hermes: Uh-oh. What's that loud digesting sound?

[Leela stands up. A hole is made in the wall, revealing a colon resembling a Möbius strip.]

Fry: [off camera] Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels!

[Amy steps forward.]

Amy: Einstein was right.

[A wave attacks Hermes, Amy, Bender, and Fry, leaving only Leela behind. Two men wearing space suits and helmets, Amy, Bender, Hermes, Fry, Lifter, Candy, and the statue commemorating the first Planet Express crew pass through. Leela steps forward and puts both her hands on a transparent wall. Amy and Fry pass through again.]

Leela: Why?! [Leela hits the wall with her right hand.] Why?! [Leela hits the wall with her right hand again.] Also, what and how?!

Male voice: The great fish has chosen you for a higher purpose.

Leela: It's a great mammal! [Leela points at the wall to her right.] See? It's got whiskers! And I saw it lactating earlier. [Leela looks to her left.] Wait. [Leela turns to her left.] Who said that?

[Leela gasps. The camera pans over to a deformed man whose flesh has melded with that of the four-dimensional space whale. Leela walks up to the man.]

Deformed man: I was once Lando Tucker, captain of the first Planet Express ship.

Leela: Ew! I'm Turanga Leela, captain of the current Planet Express ship. What's going on?

Lando Tucker: It's very simple. Well, actually, it's very complicated. Luckily, I'm here to explain it. You see... This space whale feeds on... Obsession!

[Leela has crossed her arms.]

Leela: Wow. Are you gross-looking. Go on.

Lando Tucker: The great space serpent—

Leela: [whispering] Mammal.

Lando Tucker: [continued] Figured out long ago that no one's more obsessed than space captains.

[Four tentacles approach Leela. One grabs her left arm and another grabs her right leg.]

Leela: Oh! [Leela grunts.] What are these things?! [Leela fights off the tentacles.] Get away!

Lando Tucker: The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone.

Leela: How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed!

Lando Tucker: The whale is obsession, Leela! And you are the whale!

Leela: [angry] I am not the whale! All I wanted was to complete my delivery. Is that too much to ask? One chicken-pickin' delivery? This whale's gonna pay! It can't escape what it already is. Me! I am the whale! [The camera zooms out, revealing that Leela's flesh has melded with that of the four-dimensional space whale.] [calm] See?

[Leela screams. The four-dimensional space whale whistles and exhales a Julia set as it flies slowly.]
[Scene: Outside the Planet Express headquarters, day.]
[Cut to: The Planet Express hangar. A sign reading PLANET EXPRESS: 50 YEARS OF GRIEVING is hanging down. A podium and six sets of black balloons are seen. There are several chairs as well. An old man, and old lady, LaBarbara, Dwight, Leo, Inez, Morris, Munda, and Zoidberg are sitting down. The old lady is crying.]

Old lady: Fifty years, Junior! Fifty years of grippling sorrow!

[The old man comforts the old woman. The camera zooms out, revealing the paper-hatted salesman. The paper-hatted salesman, who is holding a popsicle with his right hand and a box with more popsicles with his left hand, walks in front of the chairs.]

Paper-hatted salesman: Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a popsicle.

[The paper-hatted salesman stops walking.]

Leo: You think a popsicle gonna bring my daughter back?!

Paper-hatted salesman: No, sir.

[Leo laughs and points at the paper-hatted salesman with his left hand.]

Leo: You just talked yourself out of a sale.

[Leo leans back in his chair. Inez begins crying.]

Inez: Poor Amy! My days of joy and luck are over! [Leo comforts Inez.] Guess I gotta quit that club.

[The camera pans over to Morris and Munda. Munda is holding Morris.]

Morris: I can't believe our Leela's gone!

[Morris buries his face in his hands.]

Munda: You always think you're gonna disappear in space before your children.

[Professor Farnsworth walks up to the podium.]

Professor Farnsworth: Welcome, everyone. [Zoidberg is eating a popsicle.] What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces.

Zoidberg: Mmm! Lemony!

Professor Farnsworth: I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today. But, due to the recent tragedy, I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer.

[Professor Farnsworth folds his hands.]

Munda, Morris, Inez, Leo, Dwight, and LaBarbara: [extendedly] Boo!

[Professor Farnsworth has unfolded his hands and is touching the podium.]

Professor Farnsworth: No refunds! [Professor Farnsworth raises his right fist.] Shut up and bow your heads! [Munda, Morris, Inez, Leo, Dwight, LaBarbara, the old lady, and the old man close their eyes and bow their heads. Zoidberg does not. Professor Farnsworth raises his hands.] Oh, mighty Isis—

[Zoidberg's fin appears. Zoidberg puts his popsicle away.]

Zoidberg: Oh, no! [Zoidberg stands up.] My deal is doing the thing!

[All look up. A black hole appears. The four-dimensional space whale emerges out of it.]

Professor Farnsworth: Good Lord! It's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale!

[Professor Farnsworth shrugs.]

Zoidberg: I just remembered. [Zoidberg's fin disappears.] That's the guy! [Zoidberg grows unkempt, brown hair.] Oy! Now with the horror hair.

[The four-dimensional space whale whistles as it approaches the Planet Express headquarters. The old man, the old lady, Dwight, LaBarbara, Leo, Inez, Zoidberg, Munda, Morris, the paper-hatted salesman, and Professor Farnsworth scream and run away. The four-dimensional space whale falls in the Planet Express hangar, breaking one of the walls. The four-dimensional space whale's mouth opens and exudes light. The four-dimensional space whale whistles deeply. The old lady, Zoidberg, Morris, Munda, Leo, Inez, LaBarbara, and Professor Farnsworth are stunned. Something begins coming out of the four-dimensional space whale's mouth. Scruffy is now present as well. All but Scruffy and the paper-hatted salesman gasp. The paper-hatted salesman walks in front of them.]

Paper-hatted salesman: Popsicles! Fill your gapin' mouth with a popsicle!

[Leela comes out of the four-dimensional space whale's mouth covered with several tentacles and with her hands in the air.]

Munda: [off camera] Leela! [on camera] You're alive! [Munda points at Leela with her left hand.] Is that how you and your friends are dressing now?!

[The light disappears. Leela puts her hands down.]

Leela: Hello, everyone. I suppose you're wonderin' why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale.

[Professor Farnsworth points at himself with his left hand.]

Professor Farnsworth: I'll admit to a polite interest.

Leela: At first, I was consumed by a dark obsession to kill the whale. Then I was consumed by the whale.

[Zoidberg has crossed his arms.]

Zoidberg: That sounds clever, but it doesn't explain much.

[Zoidberg shrugs.]

Leela: Shut up, Zoidberg!

Zoidberg: Okay.

Leela: You see, beneath my obsession lay an even deeper obsession. An obsession so strong, it allowed me to overpower the beast's will and pilot it through space and time. An obsession... With completing my [echoing] delivery!

[Leela puts both her hands on her head. Leela's head projects rays, which run through the tentacles and into the four-dimensional space whale. The four-dimensional space whale whistles. The statue commemorating the first Planet Express crew is thrown out of the four-dimensional space whale through its blowhole. The paper-hatted salesman walks in front of the old man, the old lady, Zoidberg, Morris, Munda, Scruffy, Leo, Inez, LaBarbara, Dwight, and Professor Farnsworth.]

Paper-hatted salesman: Get your—

[The paper-hatted salesman grunts as the statue falls on top of him. All but Scruffy and Leela, who is off camera, cheer. The old lady whimpers and walks up to the statue.]

Old lady: [sad] Poor Lando... [happy] This is just how I want to remember him.

[Leela walks up to the old lady.]

Leela: Too bad! 'Cause he's still alive!

[Leela points forward with her right hand. Lando Tucker, too, comes out of the four-dimensional space whale's mouth covered with several tentacles.]

Old lady: Lando?

[The old man walks up to the old lady. Lando Tucker walks up to them.]

Lando Tucker: Told you I'd be back. [Lando Tucker puts his right hand on the old lady's left shoulder and the old man puts his right hand on her right arm.] [to the old man] You've grown, Junior.

Old man: [indignant] I'm sixty-one.

Inez: I dunno him! What else you got?!

[Leela closes her eyes and folds her hands. Leela's head projects rays again. A blond man, three men in space suits and helmets, Hermes, Bender, the Fourth Doctor from Doctor Who, Amy, Fry, Candy, and Lifter come out of the four-dimensional space whale's mouth. Hermes limbos his way out. Zoidberg, Morris, Munda, Leo, Scruffy, and LaBarbara are stunned. Inez and Dwight are smiling. Candy walks up to Professor Farnsworth.]

Professor Farnsworth: They haven't aged a day! [LaBarbara and Dwight walk away. Professor Farnsworth grabs Candy's right arm with both his hands. Leo and Inez walk away.] The whale must have some kind of Möbius colon that endlessly recycles time and space!

Scruffy: Yup. That stands up to scrutiny.

[Scruffy shrugs. Leela gets rid of the tentacles as she walks up to Munda and Morris.]

Leela: I should've listened to my crew. [Leela turns to the four-dimensional space whale.] That space whale wasn't a monster. [Leela turns to the others.] It was the obsession of me and others like me that made it into a monster.

Lando Tucker: Mainly you.

[All but Lifter, Lando Tucker, and Leela, who is off camera, nod.]

Leela: On the other hand, the stupid fish did eat us. You guys wanna do this?

[Leela turns to the four-dimensional space whale and lifts up her knife with her left hand.]

Amy: Yeah!

[All but Zoidberg and Candy lift up weapons of their own and run towards the four-dimensional space whale.]

Fry: You know it!

[Candy turns to Zoidberg and walks up to him.]

Candy: So, Johnny, are we gonna pick up where we left off?

[Zoidberg lifts up a comb with his right hand and passes it through his unkempt, brown hair, making it resemble that of Fonzie from Happy Days.]

Zoidberg: Eh!

[Closing Credits.]