Difference between revisions of "Transcript:That Darn Katz!"

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:'''Amy''': Aw! You want your diapey changed? ''[He coos an affirmative.]''
:'''Amy''': Aw! You want your diapey changed? ''[He coos an affirmative.]''
:'''Nibbler''': ''[Laying down.]'' We'll have to wait its every move. ''[Amy puts on a fresh diaper.]'' Powder, please.
:'''Nibbler''': ''[Laying down.]'' We'll have to wait its every move. ''[Amy puts on a fresh diaper.]'' Powder, please.
:''[A montage plays where Amy and Nibbler watch the cat. They use [[jet packs]] to watch it on the 2nd floor window. They lay trap, putting milk in a cage for it, which [[Zoidberg]] quickly moves into. They watch Leela walking the cat in a stroller as the montage ends.]''
:''[A montage plays where Amy and Nibbler watch the cat. They use [[jet packs]] to watch it on the 2nd floor window. They lay a trap, putting milk in a cage for it, which [[Zoidberg]] quickly moves into. They watch Leela walking the cat in a stroller as the montage ends.]''
:'''Amy''': Here's my new theory. That is one adorable cat.
:'''Amy''': Here's my new theory. That is one adorable cat.
:'''Nibbler''': I guess I was just jealous. I do miss being Leela's schnookums. I'm going to apologize and hope for a pity pet. ''[They look over and gasp.]''
:'''Nibbler''': I guess I was just jealous. I do miss being Leela's schnookums. I'm going to apologize and hope for a pity pet. ''[They look over and gasp.]''
:'''Leela''': ''[She is kneeling before the cat.]'' Yes, my lord. Amy and Nibbler are a tewwible thweat. They must be {{w|neutering|spayed and neutered}}, wespectivewy. ''[Nibbler's puffs up and hisses like a cat.]''
:'''Leela''': ''[She is kneeling before the cat.]'' Yes, my lord. Amy and Nibbler are a tewwible thweat. They must be {{w|neutering|spayed and neutered}}, wespectivewy. ''[Nibbler crouches and hisses like a cat.]''
:'''
:''['''Scene:''' Planet Express. Nighttime.]''
:''[The cat meows the {{w|Meow Mix}} jingle. A cat shaped [[flying saucer]] descends and echos the jingle in a deep tone. The windows shatter.]''
:'''Amy''': ''[She runs into the meeting room, carrying Nibbler.]'' The cat is evil! We have proof!
:'''Nibbler''': It was summoning a saucer!
:'''Farnsworth''': Of course it was wanted a saucer you idiot. A saucer of dewicious cweam. ''[He has a gray cat in his lap.]''
:'''Nibbler''': You fool, this isn't about the cream.
:'''Bender''': It's pwonounced "cweam". ''[He also has a cat, in his chest cabinet.]''
:'''[[Zoidberg]]''': I'm petting mine to the bone. ''[He strokes a cat, causing hair to be chopped off.]''
:'''Fry''': Just stwoke its fwffy fur.
:'''Hermes''': Scwatch its fwubby chin.
:'''Bender''': Fweeble its fwooby pwow.
:''[They all have cats. They hold them out chanting, "Pet it!".
:'''Amy''': No, no! ''[She sneezes and flees with Nibbler.]''
:''['''Scene:''' Planet Express. Morning. A cat shaped saucer lands in the hanger. The hypnotized crew are unloading boxes, chemicals and a massive ball of yarn.]''
:'''Nibbler''': What do cats need with that much yarn and {{w|cobalt}}?
:'''Amy''': They're doing something downstairs. We've got to find out what. ''[She follows her coworkers.]''
:'''Bender''': Where do you think you're going, no-cat?
:'''Amy''': Uh, the basement. I think I left the {{w|air hockey}} table on.
:'''Bender''': Without a cat, you ain't going nowhere. ''[He points to a sign that says "All employeez must haz catz to enter".]''
:'''Nibbler''': Can you at least tell us what's going on down there?

Revision as of 00:28, 10 March 2011

Transcript for
That Darn Katz!
Written byJosh Weinstein
Transcribed byTeyrn of Highever BENDseventy


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Announcer: [voice-over] Cash, cash, cash for your bones! To many bones? Not enough cash? Call Cash Bone! Ribs, skulls, spines, even certain tiny ear bones. The leg bone's connected to the Cash Bone!
[Opening Credits: Or similar product.]
[Scene: Planet Express, Lounge. Nibbler is burying Dark Matter in his litter box.]
Leela: Aw! Nibbler made a bobo for Mamma. I'll pick it up with my super-dupey poopy scoopy. [Nibbler grumbles. A truck can be heard backing up and Leela enters the room, driving a fork-lift.]
[Pan to: Planet Express, Sub Basement.]
Amy: Core magnetic field, 31 microteslas.
Prof. Farnsworth: Nice.
Amy: Temperature? Woah! The magma P.I. is 10,000 degrees Selleck! [Leela is emptying Nibbler's litter box in the magma. Amy swears in Cantonese.] Leela, I am collecting data. Can't you dump that somewhere else.
Leela: Not really. It's highly volatile Dark Matter, and some corn.
Amy: But I'm presenting my thesis tomorrow and I've barely had time to prepare.
Farnsworth: Nonsense. You've been my grad student for twelve years. You were ready six years ago.
Amy: What?
Farnsworth: I probably should have told you. Anyway, the important thing is to be relaxed tomorrow.
Amy: Are you sure?
Farnsworth: Yes. Do what you young people do to unwind. Take a joyride in your jalopy. Wear a T-shirt and eat a fish stick. Go!
[Scene: The Hip Joint. Fry, Leela, Bender, Nibbler, Amy and Kif are sitting at a table.]
Kif: Okay, amigos, one teensy drink to help Amy relax. [They drink.]
Amy: Hmmm. I guess I'm still kinda nervous.
Leela: One more teensy drink to help Amy relax. [They press buttons on their glasses and they refill by themselves. They drink again.]
Fry: Still a little nervous? [Amy burps.]
Bender: She's a nervous wreck! [They refill and drink again.]
[Time Lapse: Bender, Fry, Kif and Amy are all dancing. They are clearly drunk. Kif is still drinking.
Leela: [At the table with Nibbler.] Well, I may not have a man, but at least I've got you, poopsie-doodle. [She pinches his cheek.]
Nibbler: [He drinks.] Leela, it's time you and I had a talk.
Leela: A talk? You can't break up with me. You're my pet!
Nibbler: As much as I enjoy being the object of your misplaced affections, I am also a highly sophisticated being that longs for intelligent conversation.
Leela: Aw, is shnookums not feeling schtimuwated?
Nibbler: An understatement, to say the least. It's time you treated me with respect.
Leela: If you want to be treated like a fellow crew member, fine, but no more purse rides, and no more dressing ypu up in your cute little sailor suit.
Nibbler: I keep telling you, that's my real naval uniform.
[Time Lapse: Kif and Amy are still dancing. They kiss.]
Kif: Your place or mine? Both, but first, this place. [She drags him to the floor. Kif laughing nervously the entire time.]
Hedonism Bot: [Seeing the two of them.] Ooh! Room for one more? [He laughs saucily.]
[Scene: Amy's apartment. Her Alarm Clock goes off. It reads 8:50.]
Amy: I thought I set you for 7:15!
Alarm Clock: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button.
Amy: But my doctoral exam is in ten minutes! On Mars! [She runs out of bed but steps in something.] Eww! Kif, did you yack on the floor?
Kif: [He is the puddle Amy walked in.] Yes, I did.
[Scene: Mars University. A Giant Pulsating Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste. A man is stroking a white cat.]
Morris Katz: Where's your candidate, Farnsworth. I have a long list of students to humiliate today. [A door opens and Kif, Leela, Bender, Fry and Amy walk in.] You're late, Miss Wong.
Amy: Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares. [She is in only her bra and underpants. She screams.]
Farnsworth: Here, take my lab coat. [He offers it to her. He only has suspenders and his underpants underneath it.]
Katz: Allow me to introduce your examining committee in order of grumpiness. Professor Ogden Wernstrom.
Farsnworth: Wernstrom!
Katz: Downtown Professor of Applied Physics, Ethan 'Bubblegum' Tate.
Tate: I see by your curriculum vitæ that you're a Sagittarius.
Katz: And Professor Fisherprice Shpeekenshpell.
Shpeekenshpell: The cow says... [He makes a "moo" sound.]
Farnsworth: [Whispering to Bubblegum.] He proved that 50 years ago, and he's been coasting on it ever since.
Katz: I am the esteemed Professor Morris Katz, and you are wasting my time. Proceed.
Amy: Imagine, if you will...
Katz: Oh, God!
Amy: A gigantic spherical generator, one that could provide unlimited energy, because it's in essential Perpetual Motion.
Wermstrom: [He and Katz scoff, loudly] Young lady, have you been drinking?
Amy: Well, yes, but that's not revelant. I'm talking about Earth. Earth's the generator. [Shpeekenshpell lands on a sheep and makes a bleating noise.] Suppose this basketball is the whole world.
Tate: [He is spinning a basketball on his finger.] To many young men in the inner city, it is.
Amy: As it spins, it's producing an enormous magnetic field. If we could use that field to generate electrical current, we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... '[She sneezes.]
Farnsworth: Yes, the Earth's rotational ener-kerchoo. Go on.
Amy: Sorry, I'm super-allergic to cats. Professor Katz, do you mind.
Katz: Miss Wong, I mind everything.
Amy: [Holding a model.] You just need to polarize the Earth's core with a huge static charge, [The cat starts toying with the model.] by ratcheting Superconducting wire down into... [She sneezes.]
Katz: Enough. The committee members will now vote now vote yea or nay. Nay.
Wernstrom: Nay.
Tate: Hell nay.
Shpeekenshpell: [He spins to a Horse.] The horse says, doctorate denied.
[Scene: Planet Express. Waterfront. The ship flies in for a landing.]
[Everyone gets off the ship. Amy is still in the Professor's coat.]
Fry: It's okay, Amy. I don't have a fancy degree either, but today I'm a prominent boy in the package delivery field. [After they leave the hanger, Katz's cat leaves the ship.]
[Scene: Planet Express. Meeting Room. The entire crew, plus Nibbler, are seated at the table.]
Nibbler: Now that I am a full and equal member of the crew, I pledge my loyalty, my perspicacity, and, dare I say it, my friendship.
Hermes: Leela, muzzle that skunk! We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little... [He notices Katz's cat.]] Hey, look, a kitty cat.
Amy: [The cat rubs against Amy. Static discharges.] You again? [She sneezes.] Get away you mangy ball of Histamines.
Hermes: [He picks the cat up.] You leave kitty cat alone! [The crew, except for Amy and Nibbler gather around, cooing at the cat.]
Farnsworth: People, please, I'm trying to run a business, so I get to hold kitty. [The crew keeps cooing.]
Fry: Over here. I wanna hold him.
Bender: Aw! It's anus looks like an asterisk.
[Scene: Planet Express. Lounge. Everyone except Amy and Nibbler is still playing with the cat. It is in Nibber's naval uniform.
Leela: Captain Fuzzytoes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie. [They laugh.]
Nibbler: [Smoking a pipe.] My best friend died in that uniform. I hate that cat!
Amy: If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing.
Nibbler: I'll tell you one thing. Nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive. [He gets up and does a small dance, cooing in discomfort.]
Amy: Aw! You want your diapey changed? [He coos an affirmative.]
Nibbler: [Laying down.] We'll have to wait its every move. [Amy puts on a fresh diaper.] Powder, please.
[A montage plays where Amy and Nibbler watch the cat. They use jet packs to watch it on the 2nd floor window. They lay a trap, putting milk in a cage for it, which Zoidberg quickly moves into. They watch Leela walking the cat in a stroller as the montage ends.]
Amy: Here's my new theory. That is one adorable cat.
Nibbler: I guess I was just jealous. I do miss being Leela's schnookums. I'm going to apologize and hope for a pity pet. [They look over and gasp.]
Leela: [She is kneeling before the cat.] Yes, my lord. Amy and Nibbler are a tewwible thweat. They must be spayed and neutered, wespectivewy. [Nibbler crouches and hisses like a cat.]
[Scene: Planet Express. Nighttime.]
[The cat meows the Meow Mix jingle. A cat shaped flying saucer descends and echos the jingle in a deep tone. The windows shatter.]
Amy: [She runs into the meeting room, carrying Nibbler.] The cat is evil! We have proof!
Nibbler: It was summoning a saucer!
Farnsworth: Of course it was wanted a saucer you idiot. A saucer of dewicious cweam. [He has a gray cat in his lap.]
Nibbler: You fool, this isn't about the cream.
Bender: It's pwonounced "cweam". [He also has a cat, in his chest cabinet.]
Zoidberg: I'm petting mine to the bone. [He strokes a cat, causing hair to be chopped off.]
Fry: Just stwoke its fwffy fur.
Hermes: Scwatch its fwubby chin.
Bender: Fweeble its fwooby pwow.
[They all have cats. They hold them out chanting, "Pet it!".
Amy: No, no! [She sneezes and flees with Nibbler.]
[Scene: Planet Express. Morning. A cat shaped saucer lands in the hanger. The hypnotized crew are unloading boxes, chemicals and a massive ball of yarn.]
Nibbler: What do cats need with that much yarn and cobalt?
Amy: They're doing something downstairs. We've got to find out what. [She follows her coworkers.]
Bender: Where do you think you're going, no-cat?
Amy: Uh, the basement. I think I left the air hockey table on.
Bender: Without a cat, you ain't going nowhere. [He points to a sign that says "All employeez must haz catz to enter".]
Nibbler: Can you at least tell us what's going on down there?