Transcript:The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz
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|The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz|
|Written by||Dan Vebber|
|Transcribed by||The Neutral Planet|
- [Opening Credits. Caption: Now With Chucklelin.]
- [Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. Fry and Bender sit on the couch while Leela perches on the end of it. Fry tears open a pack of Styro-Pak Cookies.]
Leela: Fry, I know those cookies are fresh-a-licious but they produce an awful lot of trash.
- [Fry takes out a small pack marked "Top", opens it, takes something out and puts it in a machine. He throws the packet on a pile of other packets. He rips open another pack marked "Bottom" and puts it in the other side of the machine. He rips open another pack marked "Middle", puts it in the middle of the machine and pulls a lever on the machine. The machine compresses the cookie sections and makes a cream filled cookie. He pulls it apart a licks out the cream from the middle. Bender sprays his antenna with something and slicks it back.]
Leela: And, Bender, that aerosol head spray makes your antenna smell nice--
Bender: Thank you.
Leela: But it's doing long-term damage to the planet.
Bender: So? It's not like it's the only one we've got.
- [Enter Farnsworth.]
Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission.
Farnsworth: Oh, my, no.
- [Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. The lights are dimmed and there is a hologram in the middle of the table of the Planet Express ship docking with a tanker.]
Farnsworth: For this highly controversial mission you'll be towing the Juan Valdez, an orbiting supertanker full of rich Columbian dark matter.
Leela: Dark matter oil? What if we hit something? The tanker could leak.
Farnsworth: Impossible! [He presses a button and an enlarged holographic cross-section of the tanker appears.] The tanker has 6,000 hulls. So, unlike me, it's entirely leak-proof. [He points at a new hologram with the fing-longer.] Now, once you've hauled the tanker past the protestors--
Farnsworth: Correct. 6,000 hulls.
Leela: Why do we have to fly within three feet of this penguin preserve on Pluto?
Farnsworth: [whispering] To avoid the tollbooth.
- [Scene: Planet Express: Hangar. Leela wears her green jacket and Farnsworth points at something on the ship to Bender. Fry walks down the steps with an empty trolley.]
Fry: OK, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going.
Leela: At the risk of sounding negative: No! Look, Professor, I can't participate in this mission.
Farnsworth: What are you yapping about?
Leela: This time it's your reckless disregard for the environment. In fact, I'm gonna go join those protestors.
Farnsworth: This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket.
Leela: This is my normal jacket. I've had it for 10 years.
Farnsworth: I said hand it over! [She takes it off, throws it at him and storms out.] Well, Fry, or should I say Captain Fry? [He holds the jacket out to him then pulls it away.] No, I shouldn't. Because Bender is the new captain!
Farnsworth: That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job.
Bender: Well, I do think of human life as expendable.
- [Scene: Ships Cockpit. Bender sits in the pilot's seat and Zoidberg mans a console.]
Fry: No fair! Leela was training me to be captain. She even let me sit in her lap and steer -- in this comic I drew.
- [He takes out a piece of paper. Zoidberg turns around.]
Zoidberg: Ooh! The new one's out!
- [He takes it.]
Bender: Fry, the title of captain may inflate the human ego, but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic. [He puts a blue Napoleon-like hat on and stands up.] Now look spry, men! We launch at six bells!
- [He takes a bell out of his chest cabinet and rings it six times.]
- [Scene: A convoy of protestors in ships fly towards the Juan Valdez which is orbiting Earth. They tow banners such as "Save The Crested Spinepecker" and "Think Intergalactically, Act Interplanetarily". A Green Party ship full of Kif's people fly by and a larger ship belonging to Penguins Unlimited flies by.]
- [Cut to: Penguins Unlimited Ship. A crowd of protestors are gathered on the deck for a speech by Free Waterfall Sr.]
Waterfall Sr.: Greetings, Econauts. I'm Free Waterfall Sr., founder of Penguins Unlimited. [The crowd applauds.] Whoa! No, no! No applause. Every time you clap your hands you kill thousands of spores that'll some day form a nutritious fungus. Just show your approval with a mould-friendly thumbs up. [The crowd thumbs-ups.] Please hold your thumbs until the end. Now, folks, it's time to stop that tanker with a non-violent human circle.
Leela: [standing up] Why do we have to resort to non-violence? Can't we just kick their asses?
Waterfall Sr.: Now, little lady, those people's asses are living things too.
- [Scene: The Planet Express ship beeps as it back up and docks with the Juan Valdez, using a tow bar.]
- [Cut to: Ships Cockpit.]
Bender: Aye! We're hitched up tighter than Davy Jones' U-Haul! At ease, men.
- [Fry swats a fly on his arm while lying back with his feet up.]
Fry: I am at ease.
Bender: Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on you will be known as ... Wiggles!
- [He wiggles his fingers.]
Fry: The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook?
- [He holds up the Captain's Handbook (Now With Pop-up Sextant). Bender takes it and flips through it quickly.]
Bender: I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining?
Fry: Always respect the chain o' command ... captain.
Bender: Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table
- [He leaves and Zoidberg leans over the back of his chair.]
Zoidberg: [whispering] The captain's table! What an honour!
- [Scene: Hundreds of protestors have surrounded the tanker in a human circle.]
Waterfall Sr.: Our peace ring has 'em trapped like a tiger in a washing machine!
- [The engine of the Planet Express ship flares up.]
Leela: Get ready!
Protestor #1: Look out!
Protestor #2: Hold on!
Waterfall Sr.: Here they come!
- [The ship rises up from the middle of the peace ring and tows the tanker over the top of the protestors. It flies away.]
Leela: When you were planning this peace ring, didn't you realise spaceships can move in three dimensions?
Waterfall Sr.: No, I did not.
- [Scene: The protestors' ships fly towards Pluto, passing a "Pluto - Last Restroom Before Proxima Centauri" sign.]
- [Scene: Outside Penguins Unlimited HQ. The protestors walk towards the building on the icy Pluto surface.]
Waterfall Sr.: Folks, that tanker gave us the slip, but we'll stop 'em here on Pluto. If you're cold, rub your bodies with permafrost. It's nature's long johns. [He picks up some snow, puts his hand down his trousers and rubs it around.] If rubbing frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right!
- [Scene: Penguins Unlimited HQ. Enter the protestors. The building is a large glass dome. In the middle of the room are holes in the ground with bars around them. Waterfall shows Leela what is inside.]
Waterfall Sr.: This here is our penguin preserve.
- [In the holes baby penguins cheep.]
Leela: Aw! They're so cute! They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies!
Waterfall Sr.: We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment.
- [In the hole a man's arm with a penguin puppet over his hand appears from under the floor. The beak opens and the man feeds the baby penguins little fish. They grab his hand and bite it and one steals his watch. He screams.]
Leela: That's adorable!
- [The man screams louder.]
- [Scene: The Planet Express ship flies past Saturn with the tanker still in tow.]
- [Cut to: Ships Cargo Bay. A table tennis table has been set up as a dining table. Bender and Fry are in the middle of a pasta meal.]
Bender: But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo. It was on the Australian news, you probably didn't see it.
- [Zoidberg, sitting at the other end of the table across the net, claps.]
Fry: Would you cram a sock in it, Bender? Those aren't even medals, they're bottle-caps and pepperoni slices!
- [Bender rings a bell and Zoidberg refills his glass.]
Bender: Thank you, steward. Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain?
Fry: Fine, I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best ... [Bender swirls his glass around.] ... at being a big jerk who's stupid and his big, ugly face is as dumb as a butt.
Bender: Eh, I've heard better.
Fry: If I were in charge I wouldn't treat you like this. You're nothing but a big blowhard.
- [He knocks Bender's bell off the table. Bender stands up.]
Bender: Sir, you forget yourself! Shut up!
- [He knocks Fry's plate off the table. It hits the wall and slides down to the floor. Zoidberg looks at it, dives to the floor and eats what's left of Fry's food.]
Fry: Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going.
Bender: Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate.
- [Fry leaves. Zoidberg peeps over the edge of the table.]
Zoidberg: You can drink with me maybe?
Bender: I don't feel like drinking.
- [He takes off his hat and starts to walk out.]
Zoidberg: Then, if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli that only has two shoe prints on it. [Bender walks through it.] Three.
- [Scene: The ship and tanker fly past Neptune, Urectum and Charon and head for Pluto.]
- [Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Bender is sober and his face is covered in five o'clock rust. He lies back in the pilot's seat and looks like he is about to slide of as he steers the ship wildly.]
Bender: [singing] Oh, Greenland is a barren land,
A land that bears no green,
Where there's ice and snow,
And the whale fishes blow,
- [Enter Zoidberg with a bottle of Olde Fortran.]
Zoidberg: Captain, please, have some liquor. You robots need alcohol to function.
Bender: [sober] Gah! I once knew a guy ... you look like him. But he wasn't either. [His hat tumbles off and he groans.] I'm a good captain.
Zoidberg: Please, sir, I love you like a father!
- [Bender grabs the wheel and steers the ship sharply starboard, knocking Zoidberg off balance. He screams as he falls.]
- [Scene: Pluto Surface. The protestors hold up signs such as "Give A Hooto Don't Pollute Pluto!", "Preserve Our Useless Wasteland" and "Free Chilly Willy".]
Protestor #3: Here they come. Oh, I hope they read my sign!
- [He holds up the sign that reads "Go Away Tanker!" The ship and tanker fly over the planet surface upside-down.]
Leela: Bender's flying too low! And he's upside-down!
Protestor #3: He must be talking on a cell phone!
- [The tanker hits an iceberg and it scrapes a huge hole along the hull releasing a flood of oil.]
- [Cut to: Ships Cockpit. The room is flooded with red light and the message "Danger" repeatedly flashes on the screens. Bender snores loudly. Enter Fry and Zoidberg.]
Fry: What's happening?
- [Zoidberg turns on another screen that displays the extent of the damage to the tanker. There is a huge gash most of the way along the hull. A gauge at one side of the screen drops as the dark matter levels go down.]
Zoidberg: All 6,000 hulls have been breached!
- [Fry falls to his knees.]
Fry: Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls! When will they learn?
- [Cut to: Pluto Surface. The leaking tanker speeds towards the screaming protestors and a wave of dark matter oil washes towards them. Leela sighs and zips up her coat around her head. Her eye stares through her coat hood as the wave engulfs her and the others.]
- [Scene: Prison Cell. On the TV in the corner, Morbo and Linda present a news report under the headline "Tanked!"]
Linda: [solemn; on TV] Continuing our coverage of a tragic [upbeat] but far away [solemn] story. The crisis on Pluto worsens as dark matter spreads throughout the penguin habitat. The images are truly horrific.
- [The picture changes to oil-covered penguins. One coughs and two others slip on the oil with crazy sound effects added. The caption on the screen reads "Sound Effects Added To Lessen Tragedy". Another penguin repeatedly slips over with boingy sounds to go with it. Leela is interviewed.]
Leela: [on TV] I don't think any of us can understand how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel.
- [She slips over with added sound effects. The scene returns to the studio and Morbo laughs.]
Morbo: [on TV] Oily humanoid! [Linda chuckles.] At the time of the crash, the tanker captain had an alcohol level of .08 percent -- well below the legal limit for robots.
- [A picture of Bender appears in the corner of the screen with his arms up trying to hide his face from the cameras. Bender sighs and turns away from the TV and holds the cell bars. The Hyper-Chicken lawyer paces around on the other side.]
Hyper-Chicken: Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket o' trouble. But I done struck you a deal: Five hours of community service cleanin' up that ol' mess you caused.
Bender: Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn't you just got me the death penalty?
Hyper-Chicken: I'd have done better but it's plum hard pleadin' a case while awaitin' trial for that there incompetence!
- [He grabs hold of the bars. It is he who is in prison rather than Bender.]
Bender: Yeah, uh, good luck with that.
- [He walks out.]
- [Scene: Pluto Surface. Bender scrubs the penguins while Smitty and URL watch him.]
- [Scene: Penguins Unlimited Shelter. The activists clean the oil from the penguins. One bathes them, Free Waterfall Sr. rubs them dry with a towel and Leela blow-dries them. She puts one down on the ground, licks her finger and rubs it's cheek like a mother.]
Leela: Now you stay away from those puffin twins.
- [She sends it on it's way. Waterfall gives some more survival tips to people.]
Waterfall Sr.: Good way to avoid frostbite, folks: Put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket.
Leela: Uh ... I think I'll go check on Bender.
Waterfall Sr.: Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket.
- [Cut to: Pluto Surface. Bender holds a penguin over his head and wrings the oil into his mouth.]
Bender: Ah, can't beat fresh-squeezed!
- [Enter Leela.]
Leela: Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished? [She runs her finger over a penguin's black feathers.] And clean the black parts too.
- [She walks off. Bender mocks her. Smitty and URL look at some penguins.]
Smitty: Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers?
URL: It don't matter, baby, they're all beautiful!
- [They hug.]
Bender: Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here? [He sees them hugging.] Oh, ho! What's this?
- [He ducks behind an ice rock, pulls a tuxedo out of his chest cabinet and puts it on. He lowers his legs to penguin height and wanders over to the flock of penguins and cackles. Smitty and URL stop hugging and look around. Bender is gone.]
URL: Aw, man! He got away!
Smitty: I guess this is why Chief says no hugging.
- [Time Lapse. The Penguins Unlimited group heads for the Penguins Unlimited HQ.]
Waterfall Sr.: Good work, everyone. I suggest you all go get some sleep. Me, well, I'm gonna stay up all night singing songs about penguins in a fine, piercing tenor.
Leela: Has anyone seen Bender? [shouting] Bender? [She pats her knee.] Here robot, robot, robot.
- [Scene: Penguins Unlimited HQ Rec Room. Fry and Zoidberg play on a games console. Enter Leela.]
Leela: Hey, why weren't you Kong donkeys outside cleaning up?
Zoidberg: They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job. [Yolk drips from his mouth.] [ashamed] And eating penguin eggs.
Fry: You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender? Off catastrophising some other planet?
- [He chuckles. Zoidberg slaps him.]
Zoidberg: Damnit, Fry! He may have done wrong, but he's still your captain.
Leela: I'm worried about him. He didn't come back with the group.
Fry: He didn't?
Leela: No, and with wind-chill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero. I'd better go find him.
- [She pulls her hood over her head and starts to leave. Fry grabs her shoulder.]
Fry: Wait. Let me. Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends and I'm gonna show him what that means. [He puts on Leela's jacket and Bender's hat.] To the ship.
Leela: Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here.
Fry: Madam, I am in command now.
- [He walks out and Zoidberg follows him.]
Zoidberg: Such a man! I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.
- [Scene: Outside Penguins Unlimited HQ. The ship takes off and reverses away from the building.]
- [Scene: Pluto Surface. Night has fallen and the penguins and Bender sleep. Bender snores. The penguins wake up and walk. Bender, still asleep, walks with them. He wakes up and panics.]
Bender: What the--? [The penguins and he dive into some water. Bender comes up to the surface.] What's this water made of, ice? Forget this!
- [He swims away but a whale grabs hold of him and throws him around, diving in and out of the water. The whale spits him out and he lands head-first on the land. A surge of electricity wraps around him and he whistles like R2-D2 and falls over then blacks out.]
- [Time Lapse. Bender re-boots. His eyes open and his system scans the local lifeforms. He resets to penguin mode and loads the penguin language. Tasks: 1) Acquire Food. 2) Frolic. He stands up and looks around.]
Penguin #1: [in penguin] Full of fish?
Bender: [in penguin] Not entirely.
Penguin #1: [in penguin] Then let's fish.
- [The penguins and Bender head back towards the lake.]
- [Scene: Ships Cockpit. Fry flies the ship through space and Zoidberg looks anxiously through the window.]
Zoidberg: Captain, I don't think we're on Pluto any longer. In fact, we may have left space as we know it.
Fry: Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate.
Zoidberg: [shouting] Stop yelling at me!
- [He bursts into tears.]
- [Scene: Pluto Surface. The flock of penguins chatter to each other. Bender looks sadly at a family of penguins. He looks away and sees a female penguin. He wanders over to her but a male penguin steps in his way and squawks at him. He sees another female penguin, walks towards her and kisses her perhaps. They both waddle off together.]
- [Montage: The penguins fish. They slide down an ice bank and dive into the water. Bender slides down halfway but his antenna gets stuck in the ice and he stops, causing a pile-up of penguins behind him. Next, he prepares to sit on some eggs to keep them warm but accidentally squashes them instead. He looks embarrassed and covers the yolk stain on him with his tux tails. In the water, penguins catch one or two fish in their beaks and Bender uses his antenna to harpoon three at once. Back on land, Bender stands up. There are two baby penguins underneath him. He sees another penguin regurgitate food for it's little ones. He picks up a fish and throws it into his mouth which acts as a blender. At the end of the day Bender sits with the group of penguins and chatters.]
- [Scene: Penguins Unlimited HQ Meeting Room. On a blackboard is a diagram of one penguin, followed by an arrow, followed by lots of penguins. Free Waterfall Sr. stands at a lectern in front of the board. Hippies are on seats around the room.]
Waterfall Sr.: Folks, it's worse than we thought. Seems dark matter is nature's sex drug. It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin oestrogen, penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly. Why, it's making them ultra-fertile.
Leela: How ultra?
Waterfall Sr.: Well your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year. Since the spill our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. [The hippies gasp.] Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. [The hippies gasp again.] Also, the males are laying eggs.
- [The hippies gasp again. A man faints and a doctor rushes to him.]
Doctor: This man is over-gasped.
- [He and another hippie carry the man out.]
Waterfall Sr.: If the birds keep multiplying there'll soon be too many to count. [Behind him a video clip of a skinny penguin appears.] Before long the penguins will exhaust their food supply and starve to death.
Leela: Oh, if only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto and dumped oil on them, this might never have happened. Can't we stop them from multiplying?
Waterfall Sr.: Yes, I reckon it is our responsibility. And thankfully we have a plan.
Leela: What is it? We'll do anything.
Waterfall Sr.: Everyone, grab your guns. I declare penguin hunting season officially open.
- [He pulls out a gun and cocks it and so do the other hippies. Leela looks around in horror.]
- [Scene: Outside Penguins Unlimited HQ. The penguins have multiplied so much that most of the once ice-covered landscape outside the building is now filled with a sea of penguins.]
- [Cut to: Penguins Unlimited HQ Rec Room. The hippies clean out their guns.]
Leela: You can't shoot penguins. Isn't there some way to keep them from breeding?
Waterfall Sr.: Cold showers don't work on Antarctic creatures. Now surely you agree that a quick, semi-painless death is a damn sight better than weeks of starvation.
Leela: Well, I suppose... But-- I mean-- I joined Penguins Unlimited to love penguins, not to hunt them.
Waterfall Sr.: This time the two are one and the same! Now are you with us or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer?
- [He pulls back a curtain. Outside the penguins are squashed up against the window. Leela takes a step back.]
Leela: [crying] Oh, God! It's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it!
- [Scene: Outside Penguins Unlimited HQ. Leela holds a gun.]
Waterfall Sr.: That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface. Rifle check!
- [The hunters cock their guns and laugh.]
Hunter #1: Oh, yeah!
Hunter #2: Wee doggy!
Leela: Hey, you're enjoying this.
Waterfall Sr.: Look, nobody enjoys shooting penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it.
Leela: I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way it's not environmentalism.
Waterfall Sr.: Oh, really? How 'bout blowing up dams?
Leela: Yeah ... that is fun.
- [He cocks his gun.]
Waterfall Sr.: Let's conservate!
- [Scene: The Planet Express ship glides through space with a giant space-squid holding onto it. Fry screams.]
Zoidberg: [shouting; from ship] It's been an honour to serve under you, sir!
- [Scene: Pluto Surface. Leela walks over the icy surface with her gun. She crawls to a ledge and sees a flock of penguins.]
Leela: Alright, this is for their own good. Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families. [She looks down the gunsight.] But they're so cute. No! You can do this. It's just like murdering a little butler. I-I can't look. [She shakes as she starts to squeeze the trigger. A tear streams down her face. She shoots and the penguins squawk and run away.] [crying] Oh, no! What have I done? [She runs down the hillside. The penguins are gathered around a dead penguin. Leela falls to her knees and cries.] Oh, you poor little guy! I'm so sorry I-- Bender? [Bender opens his eyes and resets to Human Mode. He loads the human language and brings up his task list. 1] Bend. 2] Cheese It! He stands up and takes the bullet out of his head. Leela stops crying.] What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys?
Bender: Of course not. Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! [The penguins rub against him.] Gah! What are you doing? Get away!
Leela: Aw! They love you!
Bender: Well I don't love them. [A baby penguin looks up at him and cheeps.] Aw! [He regurgitates some food into it's mouth. Leela looks away.] I don't know why but when I look down at their little faces, it makes me wanna puke! In a good way!
- [They hear some guns firing and turn around and see the hunters.]
Penguins: [in penguin] Stand still. It's our only hope.
Bender: [in penguin] That's puffin talk. Now follow me!
- [He runs away and they follow. Leela turns to the hunters.]
Leela: Stop! Stop shooting! It's me, Leela.
- [A hunter shoots off a bit of her hood.]
Hunter #2: Sorry.
Waterfall Sr.: Why aren't you firing randomly into those birds, little lady? Don't you wanna help 'em?
Leela: Not this way.
Waterfall Sr.: What? Why you're not a tree-hugging kook at all!
Leela: Look, I don't know if shooting penguins will help the environment or not. But I do know the decision shouldn't be in the hands of people who just wanna kill for fun.
Waterfall Sr.: Leela, you may just be farming some free-range truth there. [Leela smiles.] On the other hand, we already made up 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. OK, boys, it's them or us!
- [They cock their guns.]
- [They get ready to shoot but the penguins are gone.]
Waterfall Sr.: Hey! Where'd they--
Bender: [shouting] Attack!
- [He and the penguins stand on a ledge behind the hunters. They slide down head-first towards the hunters. Leela dives out of the way and the penguins swarm the hunters.]
Hunter #1: Whoa!
Hunter #2: Ow!
Bender: [in penguin] We will fight them on the beaches! We will fight them on the glaciers!
- [Some penguins catch up with Waterfall and he falls over. They engulf him and start to eat him.]
Waterfall Sr.: [shouting] Make sure they use every part of my body!
- [A man appears and shakes his fist.]
Old Man Waterfall: [shouting] I'll avenge your death, son!
- [Leela and Bender watch the penguins feast.]
Leela: They used to be such peaceful birds. I suppose this was your doing.
Bender: Yep. It's like I taught 'em: If it ain't black and white, peck scratch and bite! Now to take off my tuxedo. [He takes it off and puts it in his chest cabinet. The penguins turn away from Waterfall and move towards Leela and Bender.] Guys, it's me! Your lovable dictator! Uh-oh!
- [The penguins chase them. One pecks Bender's ass. They come to the top of an ice hill and peer over the other side. It is very steep.]
Leela: Oh, if only we had a toboggan.
- [She looks up and down at Bender.]
- [Time Lapse. They both slide down the mountain.]
Bender: Faster! Faster!
- [Leela, the toboggan, slides down the hillside. They slide onto a piece of ice jutting out into the water. Bender stomps across it and it cracks and floats away from the land. The penguins watch them float away.]
Bender: Oh, phew! [The penguins dive into the water and swim towards the ice block.] Oh, right, they can swim. It's all coming back to me now.
- [The penguins climb onto the ice block and Bender and Leela back away to the other side. The penguins surround them. The Planet Express ship flies overhead.]
Leela: It's Fry!
- [Fry lands the ship on the other side of the ice block. Its weight tips the ice back and the penguins slide down it. The whale appears on the other side and the penguins slide into it's mouth.]
Leela: Well, at least it'll help reduce their population.
Bender: Yeah, life is hilariously cruel. [He laughs then slips over and slides down towards the open mouth of the whale. The cargo bay lift comes down and Fry grabs Bender's hand.] Permission to come aboard, Wiggles?
- [Fry pulls him up onto the lift.]
Fry: Granted. We can't take off without our captain.
- [He takes off Bender's hat and gives it to him. Leela clears her throat. She is still hanging on to the edge of the ice block.]
Bender: Oh, and bring my toboggan.
- [Scene: Ships Cockpit. Fry flies the ship away from Pluto.]
Fry: So, Leela, were you able to help the penguins?
Leela: Well, sure. I mean ... not really. I mean ... nature will work itself out. It can't screw things up any worse than we did trying to fix things, right?
Fry: [mumbling] I 'unno.
Bender: Ah, quit your worrying. Thanks to my shining influence those stupid birds'll do just fine.
- [Cut to: Pluto Surface. The shadows of two penguins creep over two abandoned guns. They pick the guns up, point them at each other and cock them.]
- [Closing Credits.]
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