Difference between revisions of "Transcript:The Bots and the Bees"

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(Transcribed the first act.)
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|for=The Bots and the Bees
|for=The Bots and the Bees
|written by=[[Eric Horsted]]
|written by=[[Eric Horsted]]
|thanks to=[[User:Sanfazer|Sanfazer]] and [[User:Roboto63|Roboto63]]
|thanks to=[[User:Sanfazer|Sanfazer]], [[User:Roboto63|Roboto63]], and [[User:Jasonbres|Jasonbres]]
|prev ep=Reincarnation
|prev ep=Reincarnation
|next ep=A Farewell to Arms
|next ep=A Farewell to Arms
}}
}}


:''['''Note''': This section of the transcript is based on a preview video released by ''{{w|Entertainment Weekly}}'' on 18 June 2012.]''<ref>{{cite web|url=http://insidetv.ew.com/2012/06/18/futurama-bender-wanda-sykes/|title='Futurama': Bender impregnates a soda machine! -- EXCLUSIVE VIDEO|first=Dan|last=Snierson|work=Inside TV|publisher=EW.com|date=June 18, 2012|accessdate=June 18, 2012}}</ref>
:''['''Scene''': Exterior of Planet Express building, night. Everything is quiet, until green lights and alarms start going off from inside. Shot of startled passersby walking their alien pets. Shot of the antenna of the building going down and being replaced by a giant searchlight.]''
 
<poem>'''[[Farnsworth]]''': ''[voiceover]'' Planet Express crew, report to headquarters immediately! Repeat: what I just said, immediately!!</poem>
 
:''[While Farnsworth says this, the searchlight flashes a giant Planet Express logo a la the Batsignal.]''
 
:''['''Scene''': Exterior Amy's house. Amy runs out the door zipping up her sweatsuit and sees the signal.  She notices Randy parking his hovercar.]''
 
<poem>'''[[Amy]]''': ''[throwing Randy out]'' Sorry, Randy. ''[Randy screams as she goes into the car]'' Step away from the car and no one gets hurt!</poem>
 
:''[Randy does not listen to her warning as she bumps into him and rides off into the sky.]''
 
:''['''Scene''': Trashcan. Zoidberg pops out and sees the signal.]''
 
<poem>'''[[Zoidberg]]''': To the employment cave!</poem>
 
:''[Zoidberg struggles to get out of the can, but ends up rolling away. The camera pans up to Hermes' house.]''
 
:''['''Scene''': Interior of Hermes' house. Hermes looks out the window and sees the signal. He turns to LaBarbara who gives him his lunch.]''
 
<poem>'''[[Hermes]]''': Thanks, dear. Off to work.</poem>
 
:''[Hermes kisses his wife goodbye and crashes out the window. As soon as he leaves, Barbados Slim peers from behind the stairs.]''
 
:''['''Scene''': Outside New New York. Hermes is still falling. He takes out his parachute, which has the Jamaican flag on it.]''
 
:''['''Scene''': Another part of New New York. Scruffy is seen riding something as evidenced by the sound of hoofbeats.]''
 
<poem>'''[[Scruffy]]''': [whipping] Hyah! Hyah!</poem>
 
:''['''Cut to:''' Outside Planet Express. It is revealed that what Scruffy was riding was a llama.]''
 
<poem>'''Scruffy''': Ho! Hold it, girl! ''[He gets off the llama.]'' G'on now. Gid on back ta Paraguay.</poem>
 
:''[Scruffy slaps the llama with his cap, who bleats and runs away. The camera pans up to the sky]''
 
:''['''Scene''': Exterior, space. The camera zooms in on a giant spider web along with a giant space spider that has the Planet Express Ship in its clutches.]''
 
:''['''Cut to''': Interior, ship. Once again, the ship is in peril and in massive disrepair with Bender, Leela, and Fry afraid for their lives.]''
 
<poem>'''[[Fry]]''': We're bein' eaten by a giant spider!</poem>
 
:''[The Planet Express logo flashes all over the ship.]''
 
<poem>'''[[Leela]]''': There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''': Outside the Planet Express building, later that morning. The ship goes into the building suddenly having no evidence of any damage done by the spider.]''
 
:''['''Scene''': Interior of the building. Leela, Bender, and Fry climb up the ladder to the conference room. Fry, being the dumb klutz that he is, trips and falls but gets back up. Cut to one of the doors where Amy runs in followed by a very dirty Zoidberg scuttling and whooping in.]''
 
:''['''Cut to''': The conference room. Amy and Zoidberg join Hermes, still hanging from his parachute, Scruffy, Leela, Bender and Fry where they see a chair hanging upside down. The chair turns over revealing Farnsworth.]''
 
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ih, crew, ''[lowering the chair to the ground]'' as you know, I've delivered a lot of good news in the past. But what I'm about to lay down is, by far, the greatest announcement in the history of Planet Express!</poem>
 
:''[The crew mutters in excitement.]''
 
<poem>'''Fry''': What is it? I'm on the edge of my butt!</poem>
 
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ladies and gentlemen, ''[standing up and walking toward something covered in a dust cloth]'' feast your eyes on our amazing new... ''[takes off the cloth and revealing a purple beverage machine]'' soda machine!</poem>
 
:''[At first, the crew is confused by this announcement, but they suddenly cheer and run toward the machine. Zoidberg kneels down before it.]''
 
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': You undersold it, Professor!</poem>
 
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[pointing to one of the buttons]'' Look, it has Slurm Loco! It's the extremeiest!</poem>
 
:''[The spot where two beverage cups once stood is replaced by an electronic feminine face.]''
 
<poem>'''Soda Machine''': Hey, what can I get y'all?</poem>
 
<poem>'''Fry''': Wow! You can talk! ''[angry and taking out a quarter]'' Shut up and give me a Slurm Loco!</poem>
 
:''[Fry puts a quarter in the machine, and it dispenses a cup and pours some Slurm Loco. Fry takes the cup and starts gulping.]''
 
<poem>'''[[Bender]]''': Ooh ooh! Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got?</poem>
 
<poem>'''Soda Machine''': Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a saw mill!</poem>
 
<poem>'''Bender''': No alcohol?! Pfft, an' you got the nerve to call yourself a beverage machine?!</poem>
 
<poem>'''Soda machine''': I call myself "Bev". An' if you're lookin' for a smelly ol' can o' booze, go look in the mirror!</poem>
 
<poem>'''Fry''': Oh, snap!</poem>
 
<poem>'''Bender''': Wooooh—</poem>
 
<poem>'''Hermes''': No, now, everybody, calm down.</poem>
 
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[walking towards Bev with a quarter]'' Yeah, I need one more Slurm. ''[Fry puts the quarter in and Bev gives Fry another Slurm Loco. While he drinks it, he puts another quarter in and gets another.]'' And one more to wash that Slurm taste outta my mouth. ''[While he drinks, he puts in yet another quarter and gets another drink.]''</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''': Outside Planet Express building, sometime later.]''
 
:''['''Scene''': Interior, Planet Express living room. Leela, Hermes and Bender on the couch and Amy and Zoidberg on the floor are watching ''All My Circuits'' on the TV. Fry enters the room.]''
 
<poem>'''Fry''': So I went to the bathroom an' my pee was green. ''[putting another quarter in Bev]'' Pretty neat, huh?</poem>
 
<poem>'''Hermes''': I was wondering who shrek'd in the toilet.</poem>
 
:''[When Fry gets another cup, Bender approaches Bev.]''
 
<poem>'''Bender''': I hope you're proud o' yourself, Bev! ''[putting his shoulder on the drinking Fry]'' You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict!</poem>
 
<poem>'''[[Bev]]''': Cut me some slack, preacher! ''[moving in closer to Bender]'' I'm just a cold grinder's daughter tryin' ta stay off the pole.</poem>
 
<poem>'''Bender''': With ''that'' big ol' caboose, it'd hafta be a ''telephone'' pole! ''[a la Ed McMahon]'' Hey-Yo! ''[Bender laughs and flips the bird to Bev with both of his hands]''</poem>
 
<poem>'''Bev''': Well, I guess a fella's gotta talk big when he's sportin' a little shriveled-up antenna like that.</poem>
 
<poem>'''Bender''': What?! You—ih—For your information, "madam", it's a grower, not a show-er!</poem>
 
:''[Bender leaves the room angrily.]''
 
:''['''Scene''': Exterior of the Hip Joint, night.]''
 
:''['''Cut to''': Interior of the Hip Joint. Bender is at the bar with a beer in his hand very angry.]''
 
<poem>'''Bender''': My antenna's fine! It's just fine! Ladies can't get enough Bender!</poem>
 
:''[Ruth and Esther approach the bar and sit next to Bender.]''
 
<poem>'''[[Ruth and Esther|Esther]]''': ''[to the offscreen bartender]'' I need to loosen up. Gimme a screwdriver.</poem>
 
:''[A robot arm gives Esther her order.]''
 
<poem>'''Bender''': Helloooooo! Who's your half-dumb friend?</poem>
 
<poem>'''[[Ruth and Esther|Ruth]] and Esther''': Me.</poem>
 
<poem>'''Bender''': Sure, why not?</poem>
 
:''[The fembots scream and giggle.]''
 
:''['''Scene''': Exterior of Planet Express building, late night. Pan to one of the windows where a bright green light is.]''
 
:''['''Scene''': Interior, the Planet Express employee lounge. Bender is snogging Ruth in the dark and then switches to Esther.]''
 
<poem>'''Esther''': Hang on. It's too bright in here. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy.</poem>
 
<poem>'''Ruth''': Let's switch off this weird light.</poem>
 
:''[Zoom out to reveal that the weird light is actually Fry with drink in hand, whose skin is now a bright neon green.]''
 
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[As Ruth tries to switch him off]'' Yow!</poem>
 
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[turning on a lamp]'' Fry, it's two a.m.!  What're ya doin' here glowin' on my skanks?</poem>
 
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[putting another quarter in Bev]'' Just sittin' here turnin' quarters into urine. ''[slurps his Slurm]''</poem>
 
<poem>'''Ruth''': ''[getting off the couch with her friend]'' We don't gotta put up with this! We got polyside degrees.</poem>
 
<poem>'''Bender''': Woah woah woah! Hang on! ''[getting up]'' I'll just politely escort him in the gutter!</poem>
 
:''[Bender drags the glowing Fry out of the room.]''
 
<poem>'''Bender''': Scram, shiny!</poem>
 
:''[He kicks Fry out with his footcup.]''
 
<poem>'''Bender''': All right! How we feelin'?</poem>
 
<poem>'''Ruth''': Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage.</poem>
 
<poem>'''Esther''': Yeah, I need a seltzer.</poem>
 
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[sighs]'' I'd be honored to purchase you a refreshment. ''[to Bev]'' Uh, hey, drink machine, ya got anything classy for these delicate flowers?</poem>
 
<poem>'''Bev''': I ain't makin' drinks for no trashy robosluts!</poem>
 
<poem>'''Esther''': Trashy? At least I don't put out for quarters!</poem>


:''['''Scene''': The Planet Express employee lounge. [[Bender]] and Bev are talking with each other.]''
<poem>'''[[Bev]]''': I ain't makin' drinks for no trashy robosluts!</poem>
:''[The camera switches to [[Ruth and Esther]], who are also in the room.]''
<poem>'''[[Ruth and Esther|Esther]]''': Trashy? At least I don't put off for quarters!</poem>
:''[Bev becomes angry, and sprays soda water on the two of them.]''
:''[Bev becomes angry, and sprays soda water on the two of them.]''
<poem>'''Esther''': Hey!</poem>
<poem>'''Esther''': Hey!</poem>
:''[Bender starts taking photos of the two with his camera.]''
:''[Bender starts taking photos of the two with his camera.]''
<poem>'''[[Bender]]''': ''[sarcastically]'' Hey! Stop that...drink machine! Stop it, I say!</poem>
 
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[sarcastically]'' Hey! Stop that...drink machine! Stop it, I say!</poem>
 
:''[Bev stops spraying soda water on the two of them.]''
:''[Bev stops spraying soda water on the two of them.]''
<poem>'''Esther''': That's it! We're out of here!</poem>
 
<poem>'''Esther''': That's it! We're outta here!</poem>
 
:''[She and Ruth start to walk away.]''
:''[She and Ruth start to walk away.]''
<poem>'''[[Ruth and Esther|Ruth]]''': Come on. We'll split a blintz.</poem>
 
<poem>'''Bender''': Wait! Give me a chance to defend your honor. And then sell it on the couch!</poem>
<poem>'''Ruth''': C'mon. We'll split a blintz.</poem>
 
<poem>'''Bender''': Wait! Gimme a chance to defend your honor. And then sell it to you on the couch!</poem>
 
:''[Ruth and Esther walk out the door, which closes behind them. Bender turns back, facing Bev.]''
:''[Ruth and Esther walk out the door, which closes behind them. Bender turns back, facing Bev.]''
<poem>'''Bender''': All right. I've been waiting all day for an excuse to hit a lady. ''[He rolls up his sleeves.]''</poem>
 
<poem>'''Bev''': You try it and I'll bash yo' face in.</poem>
<poem>'''Bender''': All right. I've been waitin' all day for an excuse to hit a lady!''[He rolls up his sleeves.]''</poem>
 
<poem>'''Bev''': You try it and I'll bash yo' face in!</poem>
 
<poem>'''Bender''': Ooh! I'm so scared...no-arms!</poem>
<poem>'''Bender''': Ooh! I'm so scared...no-arms!</poem>
:''[Bev falls down on Bender, and gets back up. Bender lunges at her, and they land on the couch. They continue to fight, knocking down several items.]''
:''[Bev falls down on Bender, and gets back up. Bender lunges at her, and they land on the couch. They continue to fight, knocking down several items.]''
<poem>'''Bev''': Want some of this? ''[She repeatedly bashes her body against the wall onto Bender. Bender continues attempting to punch Bev. With each punch, Bev bashes him against the wall again. Their grunts of pain slowly turn into grunts of pleasure. She pushes her body on him slower.]''
<poem>'''Bev''': Want some of this? ''[She repeatedly bashes her body against the wall onto Bender. Bender continues attempting to punch Bev. With each punch, Bev bashes him against the wall again. Their grunts of pain slowly turn into grunts of pleasure. She pushes her body on him slower.]''
<poem>'''Bender''': Interesting!</poem>
<poem>'''Bender''': Interesting!</poem>


:''['''Scene''': Exterior Planet Express building, the next day.]''
:''['''Scene''': Interior, Planet Express conference room. Fry, even more green than earlier that night, is drinking his umpeenth cup of Slurm.]''
<poem>'''Leela''': Uh, Fry, you're glowing like the Human Torch on prom night.</poem>
<poem>'''Amy''': Shouldn't you be standing on a rocky coast somewhere preventing shipwrecks?</poem>
:''[Amy, Bender, Zoidberg, Hermes and Leela all laugh.]''
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[putting another quarter in]'' Nice! Hate me because of the brightness of my skin!</poem>
:''[Before Fry takes the cup, Bev groans and squirts some Slurm out into the cup.]''
<poem>'''Fry''': You okay, ma'am? I think your soda water broke.</poem>
:''[Bev squirts something else out of her spout into Fry's cup. Fry takes the cup and looks inside and hears something cry.]''
<poem>'''Fry''': My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup!</poem>
:''[The crew cowers in fear and disgust.]''
<poem>'''Fry''': I know, right?</poem>
:''[Fry is about to drink out of the cup, but Leela snatches it away from him.]''
<poem>'''Leela''': I better take that. ''[Leela takes the baby out of the cup and holds it in her hand and smiles as the crew looks at it.]'' Aw, he's so cute. ''[Looks again.]''  Wait, no he isn't.</poem>
:''[Close up on the baby who looks like a tiny version of Bender with an input cable for an umbillical cord.]''
<poem>'''Leela (cont'd)''': He looks like Bender!</poem>
:''[musical sting as the crew gasps and looks at Bender, who is lazing around and smoking a stogy.]''
<poem>'''Bender''': Oh, no no no! No way am I that kid's dad!</poem>
<poem>'''Baby''': Wipe my tiny metal ass!</poem>
<poem>'''Bender''': Ah, crap.</poem>
:''['''Note''': This section of the transcript is based on the video from the ''[[Countdown to Futurama]]'' post ''[http://ccinsider.comedycentral.com/2012/05/01/countdown-to-futurama-heres-your-first-look-at-the-season-premiere Here’s Your First Look at the Season Premiere!]'' of 1 May, [[2012]].]''
:''['''Note''': This section of the transcript is based on the video from the ''[[Countdown to Futurama]]'' post ''[http://ccinsider.comedycentral.com/2012/05/01/countdown-to-futurama-heres-your-first-look-at-the-season-premiere Here’s Your First Look at the Season Premiere!]'' of 1 May, [[2012]].]''
:''['''Scene''': Bender's apartment. His son is sitting in a high chair. Bender picks him up and holds him in his arms.]''
:''['''Scene''': Bender's apartment. His son is sitting in a high chair. Bender picks him up and holds him in his arms.]''

Revision as of 18:31, 22 June 2012

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Transcript for
The Bots and the Bees
Written byEric Horsted
Transcribed bySanfazer, Roboto63, and Jasonbres


[Scene: Exterior of Planet Express building, night. Everything is quiet, until green lights and alarms start going off from inside. Shot of startled passersby walking their alien pets. Shot of the antenna of the building going down and being replaced by a giant searchlight.]

Farnsworth: [voiceover] Planet Express crew, report to headquarters immediately! Repeat: what I just said, immediately!!

[While Farnsworth says this, the searchlight flashes a giant Planet Express logo a la the Batsignal.]
[Scene: Exterior Amy's house. Amy runs out the door zipping up her sweatsuit and sees the signal. She notices Randy parking his hovercar.]

Amy: [throwing Randy out] Sorry, Randy. [Randy screams as she goes into the car] Step away from the car and no one gets hurt!

[Randy does not listen to her warning as she bumps into him and rides off into the sky.]
[Scene: Trashcan. Zoidberg pops out and sees the signal.]

Zoidberg: To the employment cave!

[Zoidberg struggles to get out of the can, but ends up rolling away. The camera pans up to Hermes' house.]
[Scene: Interior of Hermes' house. Hermes looks out the window and sees the signal. He turns to LaBarbara who gives him his lunch.]

Hermes: Thanks, dear. Off to work.

[Hermes kisses his wife goodbye and crashes out the window. As soon as he leaves, Barbados Slim peers from behind the stairs.]
[Scene: Outside New New York. Hermes is still falling. He takes out his parachute, which has the Jamaican flag on it.]
[Scene: Another part of New New York. Scruffy is seen riding something as evidenced by the sound of hoofbeats.]

Scruffy: [whipping] Hyah! Hyah!

[Cut to: Outside Planet Express. It is revealed that what Scruffy was riding was a llama.]

Scruffy: Ho! Hold it, girl! [He gets off the llama.] G'on now. Gid on back ta Paraguay.

[Scruffy slaps the llama with his cap, who bleats and runs away. The camera pans up to the sky]
[Scene: Exterior, space. The camera zooms in on a giant spider web along with a giant space spider that has the Planet Express Ship in its clutches.]
[Cut to: Interior, ship. Once again, the ship is in peril and in massive disrepair with Bender, Leela, and Fry afraid for their lives.]

Fry: We're bein' eaten by a giant spider!

[The Planet Express logo flashes all over the ship.]

Leela: There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!

[Scene: Outside the Planet Express building, later that morning. The ship goes into the building suddenly having no evidence of any damage done by the spider.]
[Scene: Interior of the building. Leela, Bender, and Fry climb up the ladder to the conference room. Fry, being the dumb klutz that he is, trips and falls but gets back up. Cut to one of the doors where Amy runs in followed by a very dirty Zoidberg scuttling and whooping in.]
[Cut to: The conference room. Amy and Zoidberg join Hermes, still hanging from his parachute, Scruffy, Leela, Bender and Fry where they see a chair hanging upside down. The chair turns over revealing Farnsworth.]

Farnsworth: Ih, crew, [lowering the chair to the ground] as you know, I've delivered a lot of good news in the past. But what I'm about to lay down is, by far, the greatest announcement in the history of Planet Express!

[The crew mutters in excitement.]

Fry: What is it? I'm on the edge of my butt!

Farnsworth: Ladies and gentlemen, [standing up and walking toward something covered in a dust cloth] feast your eyes on our amazing new... [takes off the cloth and revealing a purple beverage machine] soda machine!

[At first, the crew is confused by this announcement, but they suddenly cheer and run toward the machine. Zoidberg kneels down before it.]

Zoidberg: You undersold it, Professor!

Fry: [pointing to one of the buttons] Look, it has Slurm Loco! It's the extremeiest!

[The spot where two beverage cups once stood is replaced by an electronic feminine face.]

Soda Machine: Hey, what can I get y'all?

Fry: Wow! You can talk! [angry and taking out a quarter] Shut up and give me a Slurm Loco!

[Fry puts a quarter in the machine, and it dispenses a cup and pours some Slurm Loco. Fry takes the cup and starts gulping.]

Bender: Ooh ooh! Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got?

Soda Machine: Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a saw mill!

Bender: No alcohol?! Pfft, an' you got the nerve to call yourself a beverage machine?!

Soda machine: I call myself "Bev". An' if you're lookin' for a smelly ol' can o' booze, go look in the mirror!

Fry: Oh, snap!

Bender: Wooooh—

Hermes: No, now, everybody, calm down.

Fry: [walking towards Bev with a quarter] Yeah, I need one more Slurm. [Fry puts the quarter in and Bev gives Fry another Slurm Loco. While he drinks it, he puts another quarter in and gets another.] And one more to wash that Slurm taste outta my mouth. [While he drinks, he puts in yet another quarter and gets another drink.]

[Scene: Outside Planet Express building, sometime later.]
[Scene: Interior, Planet Express living room. Leela, Hermes and Bender on the couch and Amy and Zoidberg on the floor are watching All My Circuits on the TV. Fry enters the room.]

Fry: So I went to the bathroom an' my pee was green. [putting another quarter in Bev] Pretty neat, huh?

Hermes: I was wondering who shrek'd in the toilet.

[When Fry gets another cup, Bender approaches Bev.]

Bender: I hope you're proud o' yourself, Bev! [putting his shoulder on the drinking Fry] You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict!

Bev: Cut me some slack, preacher! [moving in closer to Bender] I'm just a cold grinder's daughter tryin' ta stay off the pole.

Bender: With that big ol' caboose, it'd hafta be a telephone pole! [a la Ed McMahon] Hey-Yo! [Bender laughs and flips the bird to Bev with both of his hands]

Bev: Well, I guess a fella's gotta talk big when he's sportin' a little shriveled-up antenna like that.

Bender: What?! You—ih—For your information, "madam", it's a grower, not a show-er!

[Bender leaves the room angrily.]
[Scene: Exterior of the Hip Joint, night.]
[Cut to: Interior of the Hip Joint. Bender is at the bar with a beer in his hand very angry.]

Bender: My antenna's fine! It's just fine! Ladies can't get enough Bender!

[Ruth and Esther approach the bar and sit next to Bender.]

Esther: [to the offscreen bartender] I need to loosen up. Gimme a screwdriver.

[A robot arm gives Esther her order.]

Bender: Helloooooo! Who's your half-dumb friend?

Ruth and Esther: Me.

Bender: Sure, why not?

[The fembots scream and giggle.]
[Scene: Exterior of Planet Express building, late night. Pan to one of the windows where a bright green light is.]
[Scene: Interior, the Planet Express employee lounge. Bender is snogging Ruth in the dark and then switches to Esther.]

Esther: Hang on. It's too bright in here. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy.

Ruth: Let's switch off this weird light.

[Zoom out to reveal that the weird light is actually Fry with drink in hand, whose skin is now a bright neon green.]

Fry: [As Ruth tries to switch him off] Yow!

Bender: [turning on a lamp] Fry, it's two a.m.! What're ya doin' here glowin' on my skanks?

Fry: [putting another quarter in Bev] Just sittin' here turnin' quarters into urine. [slurps his Slurm]

Ruth: [getting off the couch with her friend] We don't gotta put up with this! We got polyside degrees.

Bender: Woah woah woah! Hang on! [getting up] I'll just politely escort him in the gutter!

[Bender drags the glowing Fry out of the room.]

Bender: Scram, shiny!

[He kicks Fry out with his footcup.]

Bender: All right! How we feelin'?

Ruth: Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage.

Esther: Yeah, I need a seltzer.

Bender: [sighs] I'd be honored to purchase you a refreshment. [to Bev] Uh, hey, drink machine, ya got anything classy for these delicate flowers?

Bev: I ain't makin' drinks for no trashy robosluts!

Esther: Trashy? At least I don't put out for quarters!

[Bev becomes angry, and sprays soda water on the two of them.]

Esther: Hey!

[Bender starts taking photos of the two with his camera.]

Bender: [sarcastically] Hey! Stop that...drink machine! Stop it, I say!

[Bev stops spraying soda water on the two of them.]

Esther: That's it! We're outta here!

[She and Ruth start to walk away.]

Ruth: C'mon. We'll split a blintz.

Bender: Wait! Gimme a chance to defend your honor. And then sell it to you on the couch!

[Ruth and Esther walk out the door, which closes behind them. Bender turns back, facing Bev.]

Bender: All right. I've been waitin' all day for an excuse to hit a lady![He rolls up his sleeves.]

Bev: You try it and I'll bash yo' face in!

Bender: Ooh! I'm so scared...no-arms!

[Bev falls down on Bender, and gets back up. Bender lunges at her, and they land on the couch. They continue to fight, knocking down several items.]

Bev: Want some of this? [She repeatedly bashes her body against the wall onto Bender. Bender continues attempting to punch Bev. With each punch, Bev bashes him against the wall again. Their grunts of pain slowly turn into grunts of pleasure. She pushes her body on him slower.]

<poem>Bender: Interesting!

[Scene: Exterior Planet Express building, the next day.]
[Scene: Interior, Planet Express conference room. Fry, even more green than earlier that night, is drinking his umpeenth cup of Slurm.]

Leela: Uh, Fry, you're glowing like the Human Torch on prom night.

Amy: Shouldn't you be standing on a rocky coast somewhere preventing shipwrecks?

[Amy, Bender, Zoidberg, Hermes and Leela all laugh.]

Fry: [putting another quarter in] Nice! Hate me because of the brightness of my skin!

[Before Fry takes the cup, Bev groans and squirts some Slurm out into the cup.]

Fry: You okay, ma'am? I think your soda water broke.

[Bev squirts something else out of her spout into Fry's cup. Fry takes the cup and looks inside and hears something cry.]

Fry: My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup!

[The crew cowers in fear and disgust.]

Fry: I know, right?

[Fry is about to drink out of the cup, but Leela snatches it away from him.]

Leela: I better take that. [Leela takes the baby out of the cup and holds it in her hand and smiles as the crew looks at it.] Aw, he's so cute. [Looks again.] Wait, no he isn't.

[Close up on the baby who looks like a tiny version of Bender with an input cable for an umbillical cord.]

Leela (cont'd): He looks like Bender!

[musical sting as the crew gasps and looks at Bender, who is lazing around and smoking a stogy.]

Bender: Oh, no no no! No way am I that kid's dad!

Baby: Wipe my tiny metal ass!

Bender: Ah, crap.

[Note: This section of the transcript is based on the video from the Countdown to Futurama post Here’s Your First Look at the Season Premiere! of 1 May, 2012.]
[Scene: Bender's apartment. His son is sitting in a high chair. Bender picks him up and holds him in his arms.]

Bender: Aw! I'm gonna call 'im Ben. After the first half o' me, Bender! [Ben burps, and fire comes out.] That's my bastard!

[Montage: A park. Bender and Ben are walking together, holding fishing equipment.]
[Cut to: A bridge. Bender and Ben are fishing. They use their rods to steal Sal's wallet and the Queen of Yonkers' crown. They give each other high-fives.]
[Cut to: A road. Ben and Bender are biking. The camera zooms out, revealing that Ben is using Bender's body is a bike. They crash through the doors of BoozMart. They run out, panting and carrying bags of alcohol.]
[Cut to: A playground. Ben is seated at a swing set. Bender pushes the swing three times. The third push sends Ben crashing through a window. An alarm rings. The camera zooms out, revealing the building to be the Bank of NNY. Ben reappears, carrying a bag of money. He jumps out of the window and lands in Bender's arms. The two laugh. Gunshots are then fired at them.]

Bender: Uh-oh.

[The two flee, still laughing.]
[Scene: The Planet Express laboratory. Bender is bending a girder.]

Ben: Bend it, daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo face!

Bender: It called me what?!? Ooooh! God damn!

[Bender bends the girder harder, twisting it into the shape of a pretzel.]

Ben: Yay! You bended it like a p'etzel!

[Bender drops the girder. Wires, machinery and pipes now hang from the ceiling.]

Bender: Okay. Now, you.

[Bender takes out a box labeled "TRAiNiNG GiRDERS" and hands Ben a miniature girder. Ben takes the girder and attempts to bend it.]

Ben: I can't do it!

[Ben throws the girder to the ground.]

Bender: Eh, buddy. You're learning. You'll get there.

Leela: Bender. I was wrong. You're a fine parent an' I want to apologi—

Bender and Ben: Leela was wrong! Leela was wrong!

Ben: Daddy. How'd you get so good at bending?

Bender: I inherited my arm-control software from my mom. That's how it's passed down. Mother to son.

Ben: But... My mommy had no arms. Does that mean I can never be a bender?

Bender: Well, sure you can. You just need to get a bending card installed.

Farnsworth: I hate to crush a boy's dreams, but... [happy] What the heck! [back to normal] 'E has only one expansion slot an' it holds 'is memory card. This Robot will never bend!

Bender: Don't tell my son what he can an' can't do! You may know what's in 'is head, [screaming] but you dunno what's in 'is heart!

Farnsworth: There's no slot in there either.

Bender: I said "shut up"!

References

Futurama transcripts
1ACV
(Season 1)		 "Space Pilot 3000" • "The Series Has Landed" • "I, Roommate" • "Love's Labours Lost in Space" • "Fear of a Bot Planet" • "A Fishful of Dollars" • "My Three Suns" • "A Big Piece of Garbage" • "Hell Is Other Robots" • "A Flight to Remember" • "Mars University" • "When Aliens Attack" • "Fry and the Slurm Factory"
2ACV
(Season 2)		 "I Second that Emotion" • "Brannigan, Begin Again" • "A Head in the Polls" • "Xmas Story" • "Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?" • "The Lesser of Two Evils" • "Put Your Head on My Shoulders" • "Raging Bender" • "A Bicyclops Built for Two" • "A Clone of My Own" • "How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back" • "The Deep South" • "Bender Gets Made" • "Mother's Day" • "The Problem with Popplers" • "Anthology of Interest I" • "War Is the H-Word" • "The Honking" • "The Cryonic Woman"
3ACV
(Season 3)		 "Amazon Women in the Mood" • "Parasites Lost" • "A Tale of Two Santas" • "The Luck of the Fryrish" • "The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz" • "Bendless Love" • "The Day the Earth Stood Stupid" • "That's Lobstertainment!" • "The Cyber House Rules" • "Where the Buggalo Roam" • "Insane in the Mainframe" • "The Route of All Evil" • "Bendin' in the Wind" • "Time Keeps on Slippin'" • "I Dated a Robot" • "A Leela of Her Own" • "A Pharaoh to Remember" • "Anthology of Interest II" • "Roswell that Ends Well" • "Godfellas" • "Future Stock" • "The 30% Iron Chef"
4ACV
(Season 4)		 "Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch" • "Leela's Homeworld" • "Love and Rocket" • "Less than Hero" • "A Taste of Freedom" • "Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television" • "Jurassic Bark" • "Crimes of the Hot" • "Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles" • "The Why of Fry" • "Where No Fan Has Gone Before" • "The Sting" • "Bend Her" • "Obsoletely Fabulous" • "The Farnsworth Parabox" • "Three Hundred Big Boys" • "Spanish Fry" • "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings"
5ACV
(Season 5)
Bender's Big Score The Beast with a Billion Backs Bender's Game Into the Wild Green Yonder
Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4
6ACV
(Season 6)		 "Rebirth" • "In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela" • "Attack of the Killer App" • "Proposition Infinity" • "The Duh-Vinci Code" • "Lethal Inspection" • "The Late Philip J. Fry" • "That Darn Katz!" • "A Clockwork Origin" • "The Prisoner of Benda" • "Lrrreconcilable Ndndifferences" • "The Mutants Are Revolting" • "The Futurama Holiday Spectacular" • "The Silence of the Clamps" • "Möbius Dick" • "Law and Oracle" • "Benderama" • "The Tip of the Zoidberg" • "Ghost in the Machines" • "Neutopia" • "Yo Leela Leela" • "Fry Am the Egg Man" • "All the Presidents' Heads" • "Cold Warriors" • "Overclockwise" • "Reincarnation"
7ACV
(Season 7)		 "The Bots and the Bees" • "A Farewell to Arms" • "Decision 3012" • "The Thief of Baghead" • "Zapp Dingbat" • "The Butterjunk Effect" • "The Six Million Dollar Mon" • "Fun on a Bun" • "Free Will Hunting" • "Near-Death Wish" • "31st Century Fox" • "Viva Mars Vegas" • "Naturama" • "Forty Percent Leadbelly" • "2-D Blacktop" • "T.: The Terrestrial" • "Fry and Leela's Big Fling" • "The Inhuman Torch" • "Saturday Morning Fun Pit" • "Calculon 2.0" • "Assie Come Home" • "Leela and the Genestalk" • "Game of Tones" • "Murder on the Planet Express" • "Stench and Stenchibility" • "Meanwhile"
8ACV
(Season 8)		 "The Impossible Stream" • "Children of a Lesser Bog" • "How the West Was 1010001" • "Parasites Regained" • "Related to Items You've Viewed" • "I Know What You Did Next Xmas" • "Rage Against the Vaccine" • "Zapp Gets Cancelled" • "The Prince and the Product" • "All the Way Down"
S01E
(Broadcast season 1)		 "Space Pilot 3000" • "The Series Has Landed" • "I, Roommate" • "Love's Labours Lost in Space" • "Fear of a Bot Planet" • "A Fishful of Dollars" • "My Three Suns" • "A Big Piece of Garbage" • "Hell Is Other Robots"
S02E
(Broadcast season 2)		 "A Flight to Remember" • "Mars University" • "When Aliens Attack" • "Fry and the Slurm Factory" • "I Second that Emotion" • "Brannigan, Begin Again" • "A Head in the Polls" • "Xmas Story" • "Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?" • "Put Your Head on My Shoulders" • "The Lesser of Two Evils" • "Raging Bender" • "A Bicyclops Built for Two" • "How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back" • "A Clone of My Own" • "The Deep South" • "Bender Gets Made" • "The Problem with Popplers" • "Mother's Day" • "Anthology of Interest I"
S03E
(Broadcast season 3)		 "The Honking" • "War Is the H-Word" • "The Cryonic Woman" • "Parasites Lost" • "Amazon Women in the Mood" • "Bendless Love" • "The Day the Earth Stood Stupid" • "That's Lobstertainment!" • "The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz" • "The Luck of the Fryrish" • "The Cyber House Rules" • "Insane in the Mainframe" • "Bendin' in the Wind" • "Time Keeps on Slippin'" • "I Dated a Robot"
S04E
(Broadcast season 4)		 "Roswell that Ends Well" • "A Tale of Two Santas" • "Anthology of Interest II" • "Love and Rocket" • "Leela's Homeworld" • "Where the Buggalo Roam" • "A Pharaoh to Remember" • "Godfellas" • "Future Stock" • "A Leela of Her Own" • "The 30% Iron Chef" • "Where No Fan Has Gone Before"
S05E
(Broadcast season 5)		 "Crimes of the Hot" • "Jurassic Bark" • "The Route of All Evil" • "A Taste of Freedom" • "Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch" • "Less than Hero" • "Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles" • "The Why of Fry" • "The Sting" • "The Farnsworth Parabox" • "Three Hundred Big Boys" • "Spanish Fry" • "Bend Her" • "Obsoletely Fabulous" • "Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television" • "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings"
S06E
(Broadcast season 6)		 "Bender's Big Score Part 1" • "Bender's Big Score Part 2" • "Bender's Big Score Part 3" • "Bender's Big Score Part 4" • "The Beast with a Billion Backs Part 1" • "The Beast with a Billion Backs Part 2" • "The Beast with a Billion Backs Part 3" • "The Beast with a Billion Backs Part 4" • "Bender's Game Part 1" • "Bender's Game Part 2" • "Bender's Game Part 3" • "Bender's Game Part 4" • "Into the Wild Green Yonder Part 1" • "Into the Wild Green Yonder Part 2" • "Into the Wild Green Yonder Part 3" • "Into the Wild Green Yonder Part 4"
S07E
(Broadcast season 7)		 "Rebirth" • "In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela" • "Attack of the Killer App" • "Proposition Infinity" • "The Duh-Vinci Code" • "Lethal Inspection" • "The Late Philip J. Fry" • "That Darn Katz!" • "A Clockwork Origin" • "The Prisoner of Benda" • "Lrrreconcilable Ndndifferences" • "The Mutants Are Revolting" • "The Futurama Holiday Spectacular"
S08E
(Broadcast season 8)		 "Neutopia" • "Benderama" • "Ghost in the Machines" • "Law and Oracle" • "The Silence of the Clamps" • "Yo Leela Leela" • "All the Presidents' Heads" • "Möbius Dick" • "Fry Am the Egg Man" • "The Tip of the Zoidberg" • "Cold Warriors" • "Overclockwise" • "Reincarnation"
S09E
(Broadcast season 9)		 "The Bots and the Bees" • "A Farewell to Arms" • "Decision 3012" • "The Thief of Baghead" • "Zapp Dingbat" • "The Butterjunk Effect" • "The Six Million Dollar Mon" • "Fun on a Bun" • "Free Will Hunting" • "Near-Death Wish" • "31st Century Fox" • "Viva Mars Vegas" • "Naturama"
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