Difference between revisions of "Transcript:The Duh-Vinci Code"

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{{transcript infobox
{{transcript infobox
|for=Lethal Inspection
|isanimatic=no
|written by=[[Eric Horsted]]
|for=The Duh-Vinci Code
|thanks to=Teyrn of Highever
|written by=[[Maiya Williams]]
|prev ep=The Duh-Vinci Code
|credit=[[User:Teyrn of Highever|Teyrn of Highever]]
|next ep=The Late Philip J. Fry
|prev ep=Proposition Infinity
|next ep=Lethal Inspection
}}
}}


:''[Opening Credits: Made you look!]''
:''[Opening Credits: Put on 3-D monocle now.]''


:''['''Scene:''' [[Sith-il War]] Memorial. The crew are walking through the trees. They are dressed as Union soldiers.]''
:''['''Scene''': Set of [[Who Dares to Be a Millionaire?]] [[Morbo]] is seated in the center, surrounded by an audience.]''


<poem>'''[[Farnsworth]]''': ''[Groans]'' I fear I may not survive this war reenactment. We’re only twelve feet from the parking lot.
<poem>'''Morbo''': ''[Angrily]'' Silence, puny audience. And welcome to ''Who Dares to be a Millionaire?'' Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, ''[Calmly]'' while I chitchat with out first contestant, [[Philip J. Fry]].</poem>


</poem><poem>'''[[Fry]]''': [standing in mud, surrounded by flies] This is every bit as fun as the real {{w|American Civil War|Civil War}}.
:''[The audience applauds while Fry descends from the ceiling in a rocket powered chair. He waves. A sign reads: "applaud or be destroyed".]''


</poem><poem>'''[[Leela]]''': Not the Civil War private. We’re reinacting the Sith-il War. [She points to a plaque that says “Sith Invasion of 2865 Historic Site]
<poem>'''[[Bender]]''': ''[In audience.]'' Give him hell, Morbo!


</poem><poem>'''Fry''': [[Sith]]? What the Hoth?
</poem><poem>'''Morbo''': ''[Angrily]'' Prepare for pleasantries. ''[Calmly]'' So Fry, what do you do for a living?


</poem><poem>'''[[Bender]]''': Enemy invaders! Up in yonder sky!</poem>
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Me? Um, can I phone a friend?


:''[A ship that looks like a TIE Bomber is landing infront of the crew. It is really a regular spaceship with cardboard attached to the front. The ship lands and nerds walk in front of the crew. They are all holding toy lightsabers]''
</poem><poem>'''Morbo''': ''[Angrily]'' Chitchat achieved! ''[Dramatic music plays, lights turn on and the game begins.]'' Are you ready to play?


<poem>'''[[Darth Stroyer]]''': I am Darth Stroyer.
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': I didn't come to play. I came to win. Not let's play.


</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Darth Stroyer? That’s the stupidest name I’ve ever heard.
</poem><poem>'''Morbo''': For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, A nail? C...


</poem><poem>'''Leela''': Let’s hear the rest.
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': B, nail! final answer! ''[A buzzer sounds and Fry's chair blasts off.]''</poem>


</poem><poem>'''[[Darth Trocious]]''': Darth Trocious.
:''['''Scene''': [[Planet Express]], meeting room.]''


</poem><poem>'''[[Darth Sploder]]''': Darth Sploder.
<poem>'''[[Hermes]]''': Sweet dodo of {{w|Lesotho}}! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak?


</poem><poem>'''[[Darth Urderer]]''': Darth Urderer.
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': I never stop to think about it.


</poem><poem>'''[[Darth Ithead]]''': Darth Ithead. [His lightsaber malfunctions and he has to turn it back on]
</poem><poem>'''[[Leela]]''': Aw, leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty.</poem>


</poem><poem>'''Leela''': Company! Attack!</poem>
:''[Hermes, Leela, Amy and Zoidberg all nod.]''


:''[The crew and the nerds let out battle cries and attack each other. Hermes comes up with a desk on wheels]''
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[Pointing at Fry]'' You a big dummy!


<poem>'''[[Hermes]]''': Don’t fire until you see the greens of their eyes! It saves on bullets.</poem>
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Hey, I'm starting to think you all don't think I'm very smart.


:''[Everyone is attacking members of the other side. Fry and Darth Trocious are fighting each other but have to stop for [[Hattie McDoogal|Hattie]] and her dog. Scruffy is fighting Darth Stroyer. He loses his lightsaber.]''
</poem><poem>'''[[Farnsworth]]''': You can barely remember your own name, {{w|Einstein}}.


<poem>'''Darth Stroyer''': I shall rip out your heart and show it to you! ''[touches Scruffy with a lightsaber]'' It is done.
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Einstein is a hard name to remember. ''[The Professor pokes him in the eye with the [[Fing-Longer]]]. Ow!


</poem><poem>'''[[Scruffy]]''': The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long. ''[He lays on the ground and acts dead.]'' Mhrm.</poem>
</poem><poem>'''[[Amy]]''': Smeesh, Professor. Don't have a [[Coinage#S|schmaneurysm]]. Fry's your [[Fry family tree|distant relative]].


:''[The Professor is walking until he is stopped by Darth Sploder holding him at saber point. The Professor screams.]
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Not distant enough! I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew!


<poem>'''Darth Sploder''': You're dead!
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[He sniffles]'' But you're my only family. Who will hug me if I achieve something?


</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': No, I'm just very old. ''[He makes choking noises and falls down]''
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, perhaps I've been too harsh. Come lad, take my hand and I'll explain why I find you ''so'' repugnant.</poem>


</poem><poem>'''Darth Sploder''': ''[He taps the Professor with his foot and gets no response.]'' Woah! That good acting!
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express, The Professor's study.]''


</poem><poem>'''Fry''': It's payback time, Sploder! ''[Fry's gun fires a beam that tags Sploder then falls flat. Fry presses a button on his ''gun'' and the beam retracts.]]
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': All my life I've been inspired by great minds. {{w|Euclid}}, {{w|Copernicus}}, [[Braino]]. And my personal role model, [[Leonardo da Vinci]]. ''[He gestures to a bust of each.]''


</poem><poem>'''Darth Sploder''': Tell my mother... to pick me up outside Quiznos.
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': What turned them to stone?


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': ''[Wheeling his desk up]'' That's three dead. Uh-oh. Let's pick up the pace, people. At this point in the actual war, the death toll was ninety-eight million. ''[He gestures towards a large set of graves nearby]''
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[He slaps his forehead and sighs]'' da Vinci was history's greatest artist and inventor. ''[He pulls up the head of da Vinci, revealing a button. He presses it. A shelf rises into the ceiling, revealing a lit cabinet with various sketches and models on shelves.]'' ''Voila!'' He invented flying machines, war engines, submarines.


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[Chuckles]'' You [[humans]] and your fragile organs. One little stab to the goo and ''[He blows a raspberry]''
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[He takes a beard from the cabinet]'' Uh-oh! [[Nibbler]] died in the wall.


</poem><poem>'''Darth Trocious''': ''[He lands on Bender and tags with the his lightsaber.]'' You're dead, [[Earthican people|Earth man]]!
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''' That's not Nibbler. That's my most precious possession. Leonardo's beard! I paid a fortune for it at an auction of historic body parts. I suppose if I have an {{w|Achilles Heel}}, it's because I bought it at that same auction. ''[He shows Fry a glass foot with a heel bone in it.]''


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[Dramatically]'' Oh, cruel fate, I'm dead. They're putting me in my Sunday suit and shoving me in a wooden box. ''[He falls to the ground]'' Now they're loading me into cold, cold ground. Hello! Here come the worms! ''[He starts laughing]''
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[Wearing the beard]'' Indeed so. Most indeededly.


</poem><poem>'''Fry''': If you were really dead, you wouldn't be laughing so hard.
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Careful with that, you fool! ''[Fry sneezes, causing the beard to separate into individual hairs]'' No! No! But possibly yes. ''[A scroll is inside Fry's mouth]''


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Yeah, yeah. Death's a big deal to you flesh bags. But in case you didn't notice, I'm a [[robot]].
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': What is it, Professor?


</poem><poem>'''Fry''': So? What if something heavy fell on you, like a church? You could still die.
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[He unravels and unfolds the scroll]'' Oh, my! It's da Vinci's fabled lost invention. Even the scholars who wrote of this device had no idea what it was for. And now, at least, neither do I!


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Nuh-uh! My wireless back-up unit saves a copy of me every day. So, if my body gets killed, big whoop, I just download into another body. I'm immortal, baby!
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Maybe we can figure it out?


</poem><poem>'''[[Amy]]''': What? Then how come you always scream so much when you're in danger?
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': We? ''[He cackles insanely]''</poem>


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': I never said I wasn't a drama queen.</poem>
:''['''Scene''': Outside Planet Express.]''


:''[The crew and the nerds are in a clearing, facing each other.]''
<poem>'''Fry''': Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts. ''[He is run over by a [[hoverbus]].</poem>


<poem>'''Hermes''': And the winner of the war is... let me just cross check my tabulation here. Factor in the corsages for the widows.
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express, Meeting Room. Fry walks in, he is on crutches, has a broken leg and bandages wrapped around his head.]''


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Hurry up, you number-crunching crumb-nuncher! Everybody but me is dying of old age!
<poem>'''Fry''': I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me.


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Okay. The winners, at a net cost of only $12 per life cut tragically short, our [[Sith Overlords]].
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Quiet, you! I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention.


</poem><poem>'''Darth Sploder''': Hot diggity! I mean... [Breathes like Darth Vader in his best basso profundo voice.] Supreme diggity. </poem>
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Not even a card.


:''[The crew and the nerds line up, high-fiving each other saying "Good War"]''
</poem><poem>'''Farnsowrth''': He might have hidden a clue in one of his other works. Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of the ''{{w|Last Supper}}''.


:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Meeting Room. Everyone is groaning loudly.]''
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': I'm back! Everyone at {{w|Kinko's}} was an idiot, so I just brought the original. ''[He drags in a stone slab with the ''Last Supper'' on it.]''


<poem>'''Fry''': It may have been a fake war, but my scuffed knee is all too real.
</poem><poem>'''[[Zoidberg]]''': {{w|Jesus Christ}} and his {{w|Twelve Apostles}}.


</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': I have pain in joints I had removed a century ago. Bender, bring me my soft chair with the wheels on it.
</poem><poem>'''[[Amy]]''': ''[She points to something on the painting.]'' That's odd. This hand here doesn't belong to anybody. And it's pointing a knife at {{w|James the Less|James the Lesser}}!


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Your wheelchair?
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': That's the great thing about that hand.


</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': I don't need a wheelchair! The one with the wheels!
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': ''[He points to a different part of the painting.]'' And what about these funky table legs? It's like their part of some other, funkier painting.


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Poor flimsy humans. Don't you wish you were flawless like me? A towering inferno of physical perfection?
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': Maybe da Vinci painted over something else. It's called a {{w|pentimento}}.


</poem><poem>'''Leela''': I hate to pop your blimp-like ego, but you're not perfect.
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': That's true, Dr. Zoidberg. How did you know that?


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Am so!
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': My doctorate is in Art History.


</poem><poem>'''Leela''': Are not!
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Let's see what hidden under the ''Last Supper''. ''[He pressed a remote and a [[High-Powered X-Ray|laser-like device]] descends from the ceiling. It fires at Hermes, allowing us to see through him.]''


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Is too!
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Wait, I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat.


</poem><poem>'''Leela''': Says who?
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[He nudges the machine.]'' My God! Look! ''[The crew gasps.]''


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Says the only human whose opinion I even remotely respect. ''[He takes a scrap of paper out of his chest cabinet and kisses it]'' [[Inspector 5]], the best inspector a kid could want. The day I was built, he looked me over, probably with tears of pride in his eyes, and proclaimed to the world, by means of this scrap of paper, that I was perfect and infallible in every way!
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': My God! I'm looking!</poem>


</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Hey, Mr. Perfect? You wet the chair. ''[He points to the oil stain on the wheelchair]''
:''[The table legs are revealed to be a wooden robot.]''


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Huh? Wasn't me. Must be some of that urine your all so proud of.
<poem>'''Leela''': My God! Saint James was a robot!


</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[He tastes some of the puddle with his finger]'' That's not urine, it's oil.  
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': My God! da Vinci left his legs unpainted as a clue.


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Impossible! I'm triple sealed to prevent any chance of ... ''[He looks behind him and shrieks. He is leaking oil]''
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time. We must fly to [[Rome]] and exhume the body of Saint James.


</poem><poem>'''[[Zoidberg]]''': You call ''that'' an ink defense? ''[His coat tears off and he sprays ink everywhere and scuttles off]'' Goodbye, friends!</poem>
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Didn't we used to be a delivery company?


:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Workshop. Bender is on a worktable while the Professor is operating on him. The rest of the crew is watching]''
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': To the ship!</poem>


<poem>'''Bender''': What could have caused the leak? Excessive heat, on the count that I'm so hot?
:''['''Scene''': Outside Planet Express. The ship blasts off into space, only to turn and land in Italy.]''


</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Alas, no. Oh, Bender, I'm afraid it's a symptom of a fatal defect.
:''['''Scene''': [[Rome]]. The ship flies past a sign that says "Future Roma" and go to the {{w|Vatican}}. The [[Space Pope]] signals them down. The ship lands on a monument.]''


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Yeah, fatal schmatal. If I die I can just download my backup copy into my new, equally fabulous, body.
:''['''Scene''': Rome, Catacombs.]''


</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': That's just it! You can't. You were built without a backup unit.  
<poem>'''Fry''': Psst. Leela, wanna join the {{w|Mile High Club|Mile-Deep Club}}?


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[He sits up, shocked]'' There's no backup copy of me?
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': Sure, why not?


</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': That's what I just said, you mortal coil.  
</poem><poem>'''Farnswoth''': No time! I've found a clue that could unlock all the secrets of history. ''[Fry groans. They walk to a tomb.]'' Look at these {{w|Roman numerals}}.


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': So, if I die...
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Roman numerals? I've got it! We're in Rome.


</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': You die. Or as you put it ''[He blows a raspberry]''
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[He hits Fry with a torch.]'' Don't be stupid. It's a long lost mathematical code. I'll need to consult these ancient writings. ''[He pulls out a book and blows the dust off it. It is {{w|The da Vinci Code}}.]'' Some preposterous hog-wash about the {{w|Fibonacci Sequence}}. Aha! The markings indicate how many paces we need to take. One ... Okay, we're there. ''[In front of them is a tomb that reads "JAMES". ]''


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[Nervous]'' Um, excuse me for a moment. ''[He unscrews his head and puts it into his chest cabinet]'' ''[muffled]'' No!</poem>
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Brothers and sisters, let us pry. ''[He pulls a {{w|crowbar}} out of his chest cabinet and opens the tomb. A robot is in there]''


:''['''Scene:''' Planet Express Waterfront. Two people fly past on jetpacks.]'''
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': It's true, Saint James really was a robot.


:''['''Scene:''' Planet Express Meeting Room. Bender is pacing around. The rest of the crew is watching him.]'''
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': I bet he's up in Robot Heaven right now. So he won't miss his eyes. ''[He attempts to remove them with a {{w|screwdriver}}.</poem>


<poem>'''Bender''': I can't believe it! I'm gonna die.
:''[A mouse squeaks and runs into the wheel on Saint James' chest and begins running. Saint James stands up.


</poem><poem>'''Fry''': How much time does he have left, Professor?
<poem>'''Fry''': My God! Robot Saint James is a zombie.


</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Between a minute and a billion years.
</poem><poem>'''[[Animatronio]]''': Nay, I am not Saint James.


</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[He puts his hand on Bender's shoulder]'' Well, at least you can plan accordingly.
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Enough of your lies, Saint James. We saw you in the ''Last Supper''.


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality?
</poem><poem>'''Animatronio''': The great man Leonardo built me as an artist's model. When I took repose in this coffin, I carefully tossed the real Saint  James in yonder heap. ''[A skeleton is nearby.]'' I'm sure you have many questions. Come, there is a chamber where I used to speak with Pope John the Patient.</poem>


</poem><poem>'''Leela''': Violent outbursts.
:''['''Scene''': Underground Chamber.]''


</poem><poem>'''Amy''': General sluttiness.
<poem>'''Animatronio''': ''[He sighs. The Pope's skeleton is still seated in a chair, wearing his hat.]'' I told him I'd be back in five minutes. Ah well, he'll make a nice heap. ''[He dumps the body and sits in the chair himself.]'' I am Animatronio, guardian of da Vinci's great secret. He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue, then dispatched me hither to wait for his shadow society of intellectuals.


</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.  
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Hi, Animatronio.


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect. Inspector 5 gave me his blessing! ''[He pulls out his scrap of paper and looks at it]'' How could he bring me into this world knowing I was going to die?
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': You personally knew da Vinci? ''[He gives a fan-girlish squeal.]'' Was he nice? How did his hair smell? And on a personal note, what is the function of this device? ''[He shows the plans.]''


</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': So you wish you were never born, maybe?
</poem><poem>'''Animatronio''': Halt! You do not know the function of the ''[[Macchina Magnifica]]''? Then thou art not members of the Shadow Society. ''[He takes the plans.]''


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Yes, anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time!
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': The what now?


</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': Then suicide it is. Step into my office. I'll give you a nice Kervorking. Not until I hunt down Inspector 5 and beat an explanation out of him!
</poem><poem>'''Animatronio''': Not one more word shall I breathe. Not even about the great fountain where thou mayest find the... Wait. Thou didst not know about the fountain, didst thou? Curses, I must be punished. ''[He begins flaying himself.]''


</poem><poem>'''Leela''': I'm all for a good beating, but you'll never find him. Product inspectors are [[bureaucrats]], faceless bean counters who blend into the woodwork.
</poem><poem>'''Farnswoth''': Quick, we must find out what he knows before he flays himself to death!


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': ''[While his shirt blends into the wall]'' I beg to differ!
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': Where is the great fountain?


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Stinking bureaucrats! I hate 'em. </poem>
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': What makes it so great?


:''[Hermes looks upset]''
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Why does a robot need a {{w|codpiece}}?


<poem>'''Leela''': Then again, you might be able to find Inspector 5 with the help of another seasoned bureaucrat.
</poem><poem>'''Animatronio''': Fie, thou fen-suckled bum-bailey! Thou wilst never pry information from these mechanical lips!


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Hermes, old pal!
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': Just tell us, already!


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Old pal? 8.5 seconds ago, you said you hated me.
</poem><poem>'''Animatronio''': Okay, the fountain thou seekest is... ''[He groans and falls over.]''


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Time heals all wounds.
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': And so dies our hope of solving this mystery. Come on gang, let's go home. Wait! Let's not give up so easily. Animatronio mentioned a fountain. ''[He looks at a statue.]'' That's a statue of {{w|Neptune (mythology)|Neptune}}, god of water. The number of points on him trident is three, or trey. The "u" in his name is written like "v". Trey, "v". Trevi! It's the {{w|Trevi Fountain}}. There can be no question!


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': You know what? I will help you, but only to prove to you that I'm not a paper-pushing file-jockey.
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': But, Professor...


</poem><poem>'''Amy''': Will you be taking your portable filing cabinet?
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': There can be no question!</poem>


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': None of your beeswax!</poem>
:''['''Scene''': Trevi Fountain]''


:''['''Scene''': Hermes' office. He is giving Leela a li'l bureaucrat badge.]''
<poem>'''Fry''': Wow, it hasn't changed in a thousand years. ''[Tentacles reach out of the water and grab a man posing for a picture.]''


<poem>'''Hermes''': I'll only be gone for an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order. ''[He starts singing]'' A, B, C, D...
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Okay, everyone, into the fountain.


</poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[Shoving Hermes outside]'' Get out of my office!</poem>
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': What are you, {{w|senile}}? I'm not jumping in there.


:''['''Scene''': Outside the [[Central Bureaucracy]]. The old man walks up to the booth]''
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Hey, look. Coins.


<poem>'''[[Old man]]''': Yes. I'd like to request a death certificate. ''[He dies.]''
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': [He jumps into the fountain. Before he can grab the change, a {{w|Giant Squid}} comes out of a cave. The squid and Bender struggle then both pull out pistols. Gunshots can be heard from the surface. The dead Squid floats up.]'' I got 48 cents. There's one more nickel, and it's a big one! ''[He floats down and pulls at the nickel. It is actually a plug keeping water in the fountain. The water starts to drain, taking Bender with it.]''


</poem><poem>'''Woman''': Sorry. That's Building C. </poem>
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Quickly, into the sewer hole. ''[He and Fry jump in.]''


:''[Bender and Hermes walk past the line]''
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': Why? ''[She is pulled under by the Professor. A hooded figure selling {{w|Gelato}} notices and follows them.]''</poem>


<poem>'''Hermes''': The Central Bureaucracy maintains records on all bureaucrats. We should be able to look up Inspector 5.</poem>
:''['''Scene''': Sewer. The four of them are shooting through the pipes then land in a small room. The squid comes next and stops the water flow.]]


:''[They walk up to an entrance that is marked "Bureaucrats only" There is a man in a booth next to the entrance]''
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[Looking through a window.]'' What's this dump? ''[They are surrounded by {{w|Roman Architecture}}.]''</poem>


<poem>'''Man''': ''[He scans Hermes' grade 36 badge then stamps three forms three times each.]'' Application for ingress approved. ''[He hands over a form]'' And the other potential entrant?
:''['''Scene''': The {{w|Pantheon}}.]''


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Uh, he's my pencil sharpener.
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': My god! It's the Pantheon!


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': You betcha! ''[He takes the man's pencil and sharpens it in his ass then hands it back]]''
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': This place is 3,000 years old. What could possibly be left to discover?


</poem><poem>'''Man''': ''[While staring at the pencil]'' Proceed. ''[He picks up the pencil with tongs and drops it in a fire.]''</poem>
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Maybe something about ourselves, Leela. Wait! What's under that blanket? ''[Fry removes it to reveal a statue of the {{w|Vitruvian Man}}.]'' My God! da Vinci's ''Vitruvian Man!''


:''['''Scene''': Central Bureaucracy interior. Hermes and Bender see the [[Beholder]].]''
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': It's truly a masterpiece. Note how the perspective lines draw the eye straight to his dong.


:''['''Time lapse''':] Hermes is directing a gondola down a waterway. Bender is relaxing]''
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[The hooded figure appears and shoots a dart at the Professor.]'' Say, what's this? ''[He moves in time for the dart to miss him and hit Bender's eye.]''


:''[They arrive outside cubicle room 729]''
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Anyone hear something?


<poem>'''Hermes''': I maintain a cubicle here for weekend getaways.</poem>
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': It's a coin slot. Bender, insert that giant nickel.


:''[They enter and see a large cube, made up of 729 cubicles. Bureaucrats are working in some of them]''
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Sure. ''[He has the nickel on a piece of string. He inserts it and takes his entire arm with it.]'' Ow!


<poem>'''Bender''': Wow! Until now, I thought giant cubes were exciting.</poem>
</poem><poem>'''Farnswoth''': Hush, Bender. ''[The statue realigns itself.]'' What's your game Vitruvian Man? ''[The statue turns on it side and rolls along the floor. The floor divides behind the statue. Leela scrambles to get to the Professor. A workshop is revealed under the floor.]]'' I withdraw the question, Vitruvian Man.</poem>


:''[A machine scans Hermes' badge and lists his cubicle coordinates: -1, +3, -4. The giant cube expands into cubes of 27. The individual groups resort themselves like a {{w|Rubik's cube}}. Bureaucrats are screaming and one man flies off. Then one cube does the same until it has put Hermes' cubicle middle row. It finished sorting and snaps back into one giant cube and resettles.]''
:''['''Scene''': da Vinci's Workshop]''


<poem>'''Bender''': I did like the part where they screamed.
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': da Vinci's lost workshop!


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': ''[Wheeling an escalator to his cubicle.]' This is mine. Right next to the center square.
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': At the risk of sounding stupid, do these things actually work?


</poem><poem>'''[[Center Square Guy]]''': Sorry, Hermes. I drank all your white-out. ''[He laughs]''
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Of course not, stupid! ''[He gestures to a flying machine]'' I mean that flying machine is as aerodynamic as a sofa. How could it possibly get off the ground?


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Once I log on, I can access Inspector 5's profile.
</poem><poem>'''Animatronio''': In a way that shalt never discover. ''[Everyone but Fry gasps].


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[He sits in front of the computer and has his eye scanned. A buzzer sounds.]'' Damn it! It won't go on.  
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Hi, Animatronio.


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': That's because you're not me. ''{He sits in front of the computer and begins working]''  
</poem><poem>'''Animatronio''': I feign death and stalk thee, that I might preserve the greatest of Leonardo's secrets! ''[He throws a {{w|mace}} and it lands on Bender's empty arm socket. Bender hits him with the handle of the mace.]''  


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Hooray! It won't go on!
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': All right, buddy, we want secrets! And they better be ancient!


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': The bureaucra-scan won't let anyone but the assigned bureaucrat log on. ''[He is scanned and his profile appears onscreen.]''
</poem><poem>'''Animatronio''': Never shall I reveal how these wonderous machines fit together!


</poem><poem>'''Computer''': Identity confirmed. Also, you have a rectangular mass in your colon.
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': They fit together?


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': That's a calculator. I ate it to gain its power.
</poem><poem>'''Animatronio''': I said no such thing. And then I died! ''[He groans and collapses. He opens his eye then shuts it again.]''


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': You locate Inspector 5 while I slip into my ass-kicking feet. ''[He pulls a pair of foot-cups with spikes on them out of his chest cabinet and screws them on.]''
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[Sitting in the chair of the flying machine]'' You're right, Professor. This thing doesn't fly.


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': ''[He gasps]'' Sweet File-not-found of Puget Sound! His record's been blanked!
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Don't sit in there, you idiot! That's dangerous! ''[He sits on a catapult and gets shot into a series of tubes that directs him into the co-pilot's seat.]'' Wha? ''[The machine is lifted up and glass is placed on top of their heads, creating a sealed cockpit. Several more machines go off and the ship is loaded into a cannon.]'' No wonder this contraction isn't aerodynamic! It's not an aircraft, it's a spacecraft! ''[The cannon is pointed to a gap in the ceiling.]''


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Aw, man! How am I going to find some anonymous guy I don't know anything about?
</poem><poem>'''Animatronio''': As I live, thou shan't discover the great secret! ''[He works a {{w|ballista}} until it is pointed at the spacecraft. Bender and Leela tackle him. The ballista falls and fires at a lever. The spacecraft is shot into the air.]''


</poem><poem>'''Center Square Guy''': I recommend the {{w|Larry Craig scandal|men's room of the TWA terminal}}. ''[He laughs and a red "X" appears on his desk]''</poem>
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Bye, Animatronio!</poem>


:''['''Scene:''' Planet Express, Hermes' office. Leela is reading ''World's Bravest Hamsters''. A sealed container comes down the vacuum chute.
:''['''Scene''': Space. Pieces of the spacecraft fall off and the wings start beating.]''


<poem>'''Leela''': Okay. Just filing alphabetically. ''[She unscrews the container]'' A. B. C. D... ''[The message is in [[AL1]].'' Well, this requires a little extra thought. ''[She looks around then hides the message behind a potted plant]'' I'm a natural.</poem>
:''[Time Lapse: One Month Later]'' ''[The spacecraft nears a planet.]''


:''['''Scene:''' Central Bureaucracy. Hermes and Bender are walking to the physical files archive.]''
:''[Time Lapse]'' ''[The spacecraft lands in a forest.]''


<poem>'''Hermes''': The information we need will be here, in the physical files.
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': My God! Why would Leonardo's invention have brought us here?


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[Rolling up his "sleeves"]'' Those bastards won't know what leafed through them. ''[Hermes opens the door and they run inside, looking around. There is only one filing cabinet with three drawers]'' It's on!
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': I don't know. Let's ask this guy. ''[A man is standing in front of them.]''


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': ''[He opens the drawer and it knocks Bender down. Hermes looks through the files.]'' No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this. Inspectors 1, 2, 3, 4... 6. There's no trace of Inspector 5!
</poem><poem>'''Leonardo da Vinci''': I am Leonardo. ''[They gasp.]'' Welcome to [[Planet Vinci]].


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': But 5's the one we want. Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2 plus Inspector 3...
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': My God!


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Addition never solve anything, man. Let's cut our losses and go home. </poem>
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': That's what I was gonna say!</poem>


:''['''Scene:''' NNY street. Hermes and Bender are walking back to Planet Express.]''
:''['''Scene''': Vincian City. A woman flies by on a horse-operated flying machine.]''


<poem>'''Bender''': So I'm doomed to die? And I'll never even get to punch whoever's responsible? Oh, what's the point. ''[He walks into a suicide booth]''
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Leonardo! You're alive? Here?


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer!
</poem><poem>'''Leonardo''': ''[He sighs.]'' You have learned my great secret. In truth, I was but a visitor to [[Earth]]. In truth, I am what you call a space alien.


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth. ''[He closes the door]''
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh!


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cellphone around. ''[He throws his cellphone into a trash bin]''
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': It's an honor to meet you, Leonardo. Might I say you were great in the ''{{w|Titantic (1997 film)|Titantic}}''. ''{{w|The Beach (film)|The Beach}}''? Neh.


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[He puts a coin on a string in the slot then pulls it out again. He dials a number]''  
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': That {{w|Leonardo DiCaprio}}, you blockhead! ''[He tries to punch Fry in the stomach. Bones are heard cracking.]''


</poem><poem>'''[[Mom]]''': Who the hell is this? How did you get this number?
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Looks like eating rocks wasn't as dumb as you said.</poem>


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Is this [[MomCorp|the robot company]]? Cause I have a complaint about a defective robot. His name is me!
:''['''Scene''': Vincian Street.]''


</poem><poem>'''Mom''': A defective robot, you say? ''[A monitor shows Bender in the phone booth with Hermes nearby.]'' Stay right there, dearie. ''[Cross-hairs appear over the phone booth]'' I'll have tech support take care of you. ''[She presses a button]''
<poem>'''Fry''': So what do people do for fun here?


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[He exits the phone booth.]'' Well, things are starting to look up.
</poem><poem>'''Leonardo''': Do you enjoy partying all night with plenty of {{w|ale}} and lusty women?


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Look up! ''[They dive out of the way of a missile that explodes nearby.]'' Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb?
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': I sure do!


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': No, I just told the robot company I was defective.
</poem><poem>'''Leonardo''': Not us. We spend our leisure time in the mathematics museum. Planet Vinci is basically one single colossal university.


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': You dumb cocktail shaker! Mom won't allow a defective product to tarnish her good name! She'll kill you.
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': How your {{w|American football|football}} team?


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Big whoop. I'll just download into a new... Oh, right. If I die, I die. Speaking of which&ndash; ''[Machine guns start shooting at them]'' You're right. You're right. You're right. ''[They run away]''
</poem><poem>'''Leonardo''': Learned.


</poem><poem>'''Mom''': ''[Watching the [[Killbots]] on a monitor]'' That's what you get for calling technical support.</poem>
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ooh! I'm going to check out that math lecture. ''[A professor is teaching students nearby.]'' All this knowledge is giving me a raging brainer! ''[He runs off.]''


:''['''Scene:''' NNY Street. Hermes and Bender are running from three Killbots. They run behind a corner]''
</poem><poem>'''Leonardo''': Would you like to hear the lecture, too, Fry?


<poem>'''Bender''': I can't run anymore. I'll have to skip. ''[They skip off]''</poem>
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': No. It would just go in one ear and out some other hole.</poem>


:''['''Scene:'''Clearing.]''
:''[They are now in a park.]''


<poem>'''Hermes''': Just a few more feet. We have to get to that pile of dead bears by 7:38.
<poem>'''Leonardo''': Come, sit down.


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': A pile of dead bears can only mean one thing. But what?</poem>
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Now that I can do. ''[He tries to sit in mid-air but fails.]'' I have a terrible secret to confess Mr. DiCaprio. I'm not very smart.  


:''[A bear tries to cross the railroad track but it hit by a hovertrain]''
</poem><poem>'''Leonardo''': I appreciate your candor.


<poem>'''Hermes''': It's the 7:38! Jump! ''[They both jump into a train car. The Killbots come up on the track next to it.
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': I don't even know what language your speaking.


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Aw, shoot!
</poem><poem>'''Leonardo''': I, too, have a confession. You see, here on Planet Vinci, I am the stupidest person.


</poem><poem>'''Killbot''': Someone said "shoot!" ''[They shoot and destroy the Killbot in the middle.</poem>
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': What? Who could think your stupid? ''[Two people come near the bench.]''


:''[Hermes and Bender climb to the roof of the train and run towards the front. A tunnel is growing closer. It has the sign "Low Clearance. NO rooftop passengers.]''
</poem><poem>'''[[Biff]]''': Duh, I'm Leonardo. I don't know the mass of the {{w|Higgs Boson}}.


<poem>'''Bender''': Well, we're boned!
</poem><poem>'''Woman''': Duh, I have to draw in pencil, because I don't know how to use {{w|Rendering software}}.</poem>


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': No, we're not! We just go to limbo!
:''[The man raises his fist at Leonardo, who flinches away. Both the man and woman laugh before leaving.]''


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': But I'm not design to bend that low, not without limbo music. ''[Bullet hit him creating a rhythm.]'' That'll do it. Ow! Ow! Ow!
<poem>'''Leonardo''': Stupid Biff. Thinks he's so smart.


</poem><poem>'''Killbot 1''': We're gonna get fired.
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': He looks stronger, too.


</poem><poem>'''Killbot 2''': Someone said "fire!" ''[He shoots kills Killbot 1, then is killed by the tunnel.]''</poem>
</poem><poem>'''Leonardo''': I went to Earth because I could no longer stand the ridicule. But being surrounded by even stupider people was equally infuriating.


:''['''Scene:''' Desert. The [[Transcontinental Underground Railroad]] leaves the tunnel.]''
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': I can see myself in your shiny button.


<poem>'''Bender''': ''[His legs have been broken]'' We did it!
</poem><poem>'''Leonardo''': Inventing is what makes me happy. Or did, until I misplaced the plans for my masterpiece.


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Twelve straight hours of limbo. I haven't done that since my honeymoon.</poem>
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': You mean these? ''[He holds out the plans.]''


:''[Bender discards his broken legs and replaces them with new ones from his chest cabinet.]''
</poem><poem>'''Leonardo''': ''The Macchina Magnifica?'' Infinity joy! Fry, my friend, you have given my life meaning again!


<poem>'''Bender''': Hermes! Hermes! Remember that flock of bats?
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': That {{w|calculus}} lecture was harder than I expected. We had to answer every question in the form of an {{w|opera}}. I have a lot of homework for tomorrow, if I don't want to be ''[He puts on a Viking opera helmet.]'' Embarrassed!</poem>


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': I sure do.
:''[Montage.]'' Fry and Leonardo are looking at the plans. They keep rolling up so Fry tapes them down. The entire work table rolls up in response. The Professor is overwhelmed and twists his head around. Fry begins turning a crank and the gears start working. da Vinci and Fry high-five. The calculus class is working on {{w|Conic Sections}}. The Professor submits a wrong answer and the cone flies onto his head and sits there like a {{w|Dunce Cap}}. The students laugh and The Professor runs away.]''


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': That was fun.</poem>
:''['''Scene''': Planet Vinci. Concert Hall. Fry nails a banner to wall with another nail. It reads "Today Leonardo unveils his greatest invention. Plus Fry' armpit concerto.'']


:''[The railroad keeps going through the desert.]''
:''[Time Lapse]''


<poem>'''Bender''': Where are we?
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[Fry finishes his "musical piece" and the crowd starts booing.]'' Thank you. Thank you. And if you like that, you'll love our main event. Ladies and gentlemen, Leonardo DiCaprio! ''[The crowd cheers.]'' I mean da Vinci! ''[The crowd starts booing again.]''


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': I have no idea.</poem>
</poem><poem>'''Leonardo''': For centuries, you've all ridiculed me. Especially you, Biff.


:''[The train reaches the end of the line. Hermes and Bender go flying and hit a sign that says, "Welcome to Mexico. Silver medal winner of the Mexican-American War". Bender and Hermes slide down and hit the ground.]''
</poem><poem>'''Biff''': Nice hat! ''[The crowd hoots.]''


<poem>'''Bender''': Hey. We're just a stone's throw away from [[Tijuana]]. ''[He picks up a stone and throws it over the border fence.]'' See?
</poem><poem>'''Leonardo''': But, at long last, this invention will show you. It will show you all. Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine!


</poem><poem>'''Mexican Man''': ¡Dios mio! A rock has fallen here in the outskirts of Tijuana.
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': And I helped! Wait. You told me it was an unstoppable {{w|ice cream}} machine.


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Is it within city limits?
</poem><poem>'''Leonardo''': Ice cream is just a by-product of the machine. It's primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior!


</poem><poem>'''Mexican Man''': I think, yes.
</poem><poem>'''Biff''': Oh, I'm so scared!


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Told you!
</poem><poem>'''Girl''': Bring it on, dum-dum. ''[The crowd laughs.]''


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Hey, you wanna celebrate our escape? Maybe grab a shot of tequila and take in a big-league cockfight?
</poem><poem>'''Leonardo''': Oh yeah? Let's see how hard you are laughing when my doomsday machine chops off your face! ''[He powers up the machine.]''


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Sure. No, wait. I was built in Tijuana. Maybe Inspector 5 still works there. He better do some splaining. Before I mash up some face guacamole.
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Leonardo, stop! ''[The crowd gasps.]'' I want in on this!


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[Bender and Hermes walk up to a border checkpoint.]'' He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this. ''{The Border Patrolman says something in Spanish]'' ¡Si! ''[Bender gets hit on the head with a ukulele]'' Ouch-o!
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Are you crazy, Professor?


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': ''[He pulls a minature filing cabinet out of his pocket.]'' Here are our passports, visas, and Homeland Security permission slips, notarized and starched.
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': I hate these nerds. Just because I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!</poem>


</poem><poem>'''[[Mexican Border Patrolman]]''' ''[He looks them over]'' Okay. I would also have accepted a bribe.</poem>
:''[Leonardo starts the machine and the audience flees.]''


:''['''Scene:''' Tijuana street. Bender and Hermes pass a store called "Aiy! Cantina Turner"]''
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[Taking the plans from Fry.] I knew this final invention would be a humdinger!


<poem>'''Bender''': Nice work, butterball. You know, I was in [[Italy]] last week {{et|6ACV05}}. ''[He gasps]''</poem>
</poem><poem>'''Leonardo''': Yes, we three idiots will finally have our revenge.


:''[Bender and Hermes walk up to [[MomCorp|Fábrica Robotica de la Madre]].]''
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': I don't think so! You two make me ashamed to call myself an idiot. ''[He jumps on the machine.]'' There's always going to someone smarter than you, so the only way you can be happy is to make the most of what you've got.


<poem>'''Bender''': My birthplace. It's closed! There's not even a shrine to me. With a gift shop, selling piñatas of me!
</poem><poem>'''Leonardo''': But you've got nothing.


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': End of the line, man! Come on, we can still catch a twi-night double cockfight.
</poem><poem>'''Fry''':Oh yeah? I've got one single nail and another one to nail it in with. And I'm going to stop this infernal ice cream machine once and for all! ''[He tries to nail in a nail but it hits him in the eye. He stumbles and gets caught in the gears.  Fry is being sent through the gears of the machine, finally jamming it. The machine stops and falls over. Leonardo and the Professor run out of the way. The audience laughs.]''


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': No wait! What's that in the Mexican garbage?
</poem><poem>'''Biff''': Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone!


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Looks like a half-eaten cheese diaper.
</poem><poem>'''Leonardo''': Oh, yeah? Well, take this! ''[He kicks the machine, causing a lever to pop out. He pulls it and a giant gear crushes him.]''


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': No, next to that. ''[He pulls out a book and shakes two owls off it]'' A half-eaten employee directory. ''[He opens it and gasps]'' Inspector 5's home address. His ass-ias is ''gracias!''</poem>
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, my.


:''[A camera extends out of the picture of Mom and focuses on them]''
</poem><poem>'''Girl''': Poor Leonardo da Vinci. He sure was stupid.</poem>


:''['''Scene:''' Outside Inspector 5's home. Two tumbleweeds hit each other.]''
:''['''Scene''': Space. The Professor and Fry are heading back home in da Vinci's spacecraft. Fry has broken limbs, a neck brace and bandages around his head.]''


<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He bursts through the door]'' Where are you hiding, you coward? Get out here and get murdered like a man!
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Fry, I admire what you did today, and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops, there I go again, you dope. I mean, dummy.


</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': ''[He closes the door]'' Bender, I'm afraid our search is at an end. He's obviously long gone.
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': It's okay. I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my [[Mrs. Fry|mom]] used to say.


</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Oh yeah? Well, maybe this is him in a costume. ''[He picks up an iguana and begins squeezing it]'' I'm gonna squeeze you out of there like Tijuana toothpaste. </poem>
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': She was a wise woman.


:''[The iguana bits Bender's eye then climbs inside. Bender falls down. The iguana scuttles around and then climbs out Bender's chest cabinet.]''
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Also, that I'm not much to look at.


<poem>'''Hermes''': ''[He helps Bender up]'' Okay, Bender, you're mortal. And okay, Inspector 5 screwed up. But that just makes the time you have left all the more precious. Do you really want to waste the rest of your life in a bitter, homicidal rage?
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': A wise woman, indeed.</poem>
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[While punching the wall]'' No! Yes! I don't know! ''[He punches the wall a few more times]'' Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted as a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I gonna die. I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender! ''[He starts crying]''
 
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': There, there, mon. It's gonna be okay. You ''are'' Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be.
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': You know what? You're right. He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair squashing, ''[Hermes clears his throat]'' Oh. No offense, Hermes. You're not like that. I mean, you're exactly like that, but you're okay! In fact, I'm putting you on the do-no-kill list. ''[Hermes smiles]'' Come on, fellow mortal. We're in Tijuana. I wanna live a little. ''[An explosion happens outside, blowing a window in.]'' Help, I'm gonna die! That's the opposite of what I want!</poem>
 
:''[Outside Inspector 5's house. Killbots are shooting into the building.]''
 
<poem>'''Hermes''': ''[He goes to the computer]'' Quick, run out the back! I hack into Inspector 5's terminal and fake your death, so they'll call of the Killbots.
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': You know that terminal's unhackable! I'm not leaving you, and that's final! ''[An explosion rips the roof of the house]'' Good luck, buddy!</poem>
 
:''[Outside, Bender is watching the Killbots destroy the house. Inside, Hermes is frantically working.]''
 
<poem>'''Computer''': Bender, terminated.
 
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Bender saved.
 
</poem><poem>'''Killbot 2''': Cease fire. Mom called off the attack, although I don't see how it's her&ndash;
 
</poem><poem>'''Killbot 3''': Someone said "howitzer!" [Killbots 1 and 3 start firing on the middle Killbot, eventually blowing themselves up.]
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Yeah! All right! Yeah! ''[The house collapses. Bender groans and wipes away a tear. Hermes limbos out from under the wreckage.]'' He did it! And he's not even looking back at that cool explosion! He's a hero!</poem>
 
:''['''Scene:''' Planet Express: Hanger. The building looks like an explosion went off. An alarm is blaring]''
 
<poem>'''Amy''': What's happening? The phone's been disconnected, the [[Planet Express ship|ship]]'s been repossessed, and Zoidberg's getting overcooked! ''[Scruffy is cooking Zoidberg on a spit.]''
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[He and Hermes walk in wearing sombreros.]'' Ah. This place never changes.
 
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Leela! What in the name of Jah happened?
 
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': Too much papers! Not enough hiding plants!
 
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': It's alright. This place just needs a one-hour bureauatizing.</poem>
 
:''['''Time Lapse''' The building looks good-as-new.]''
 
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[As Hermes shovels the last of the paperwork into a furnace.]'' You make it look so easy.
 
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': I've smoked a lot of paperwork in my day.
 
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Hey, Bender. Did you ever find that inspector guy you were looking for?
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[Putting his arm around Hermes]'' Nah, but thanks to this knucklehead, I did find a new outlook on life. It's orecious and sacred, and you only get so many millions of years on this [[Earth]]. So let's get brick-faced! ''[Everyone cheers. Everyone but Hermes runs off]''
 
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': ''[He looks around then throws a folder into the fire. The front burns away, revealing Inspector 5 to be Hermes.]''</poem>
 
:''[Montage. "Little Bird" is playing over the montage. Baby Bender comes off an assembly line, drinking from a baby bottle of alcohol. Hermes scans him and finds that he has no backup unit. Hermes considers destroying him but instead marks him as "approved". Cut to Hermes handing his resignation to Mom. Cut to him leaving the house in Tijuana. Cut to when Bender and Hermes were in the Central Bureaucracy. Hermes steals his file from the archives. Cut to Tijuana, with Killbots firing on the house. The computer scans Hermes and confirms his identity. Cut to present, Hermes nods in satisfaction and the scene fades to black.]''


:''[Closing Credits.]''
:''[Closing Credits.]''


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Revision as of 04:09, 20 March 2011

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Transcript for
The Duh-Vinci Code
Written byMaiya Williams
Transcribed byTeyrn of Highever


[Opening Credits: Put on 3-D monocle now.]
[Scene: Set of Who Dares to Be a Millionaire? Morbo is seated in the center, surrounded by an audience.]

Morbo: [Angrily] Silence, puny audience. And welcome to Who Dares to be a Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, [Calmly] while I chitchat with out first contestant, Philip J. Fry.

[The audience applauds while Fry descends from the ceiling in a rocket powered chair. He waves. A sign reads: "applaud or be destroyed".]

Bender: [In audience.] Give him hell, Morbo!

Morbo: [Angrily] Prepare for pleasantries. [Calmly] So Fry, what do you do for a living?

Fry: Me? Um, can I phone a friend?

Morbo: [Angrily] Chitchat achieved! [Dramatic music plays, lights turn on and the game begins.] Are you ready to play?

Fry: I didn't come to play. I came to win. Not let's play.

Morbo: For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, A nail? C...

Fry: B, nail! final answer! [A buzzer sounds and Fry's chair blasts off.]

[Scene: Planet Express, meeting room.]

Hermes: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak?

Fry: I never stop to think about it.

Leela: Aw, leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty.

[Hermes, Leela, Amy and Zoidberg all nod.]

Bender: [Pointing at Fry] You a big dummy!

Fry: Hey, I'm starting to think you all don't think I'm very smart.

Farnsworth: You can barely remember your own name, Einstein.

Fry: Einstein is a hard name to remember. [The Professor pokes him in the eye with the Fing-Longer]. Ow!

Amy: Smeesh, Professor. Don't have a schmaneurysm. Fry's your distant relative.

Farnsworth: Not distant enough! I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew!

Fry: [He sniffles] But you're my only family. Who will hug me if I achieve something?

Farnsworth: Oh, perhaps I've been too harsh. Come lad, take my hand and I'll explain why I find you so repugnant.

[Scene: Planet Express, The Professor's study.]

Farnsworth: All my life I've been inspired by great minds. Euclid, Copernicus, Braino. And my personal role model, Leonardo da Vinci. [He gestures to a bust of each.]

Fry: What turned them to stone?

Farnsworth: [He slaps his forehead and sighs] da Vinci was history's greatest artist and inventor. [He pulls up the head of da Vinci, revealing a button. He presses it. A shelf rises into the ceiling, revealing a lit cabinet with various sketches and models on shelves.] Voila! He invented flying machines, war engines, submarines.

Fry: [He takes a beard from the cabinet] Uh-oh! Nibbler died in the wall.

Farnsworth That's not Nibbler. That's my most precious possession. Leonardo's beard! I paid a fortune for it at an auction of historic body parts. I suppose if I have an Achilles Heel, it's because I bought it at that same auction. [He shows Fry a glass foot with a heel bone in it.]

Fry: [Wearing the beard] Indeed so. Most indeededly.

Farnsworth: Careful with that, you fool! [Fry sneezes, causing the beard to separate into individual hairs] No! No! But possibly yes. [A scroll is inside Fry's mouth]

Fry: What is it, Professor?

Farnsworth: [He unravels and unfolds the scroll] Oh, my! It's da Vinci's fabled lost invention. Even the scholars who wrote of this device had no idea what it was for. And now, at least, neither do I!

Fry: Maybe we can figure it out?

Farnsworth: We? [He cackles insanely]

[Scene: Outside Planet Express.]

Fry: Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts. [He is run over by a hoverbus.

[Scene: Planet Express, Meeting Room. Fry walks in, he is on crutches, has a broken leg and bandages wrapped around his head.]

Fry: I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me.

Farnsworth: Quiet, you! I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention.

Fry: Not even a card.

Farnsowrth: He might have hidden a clue in one of his other works. Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of the Last Supper.

Bender: I'm back! Everyone at Kinko's was an idiot, so I just brought the original. [He drags in a stone slab with the Last Supper on it.]

Zoidberg: Jesus Christ and his Twelve Apostles.

Amy: [She points to something on the painting.] That's odd. This hand here doesn't belong to anybody. And it's pointing a knife at James the Lesser!

Bender: That's the great thing about that hand.

Hermes: [He points to a different part of the painting.] And what about these funky table legs? It's like their part of some other, funkier painting.

Zoidberg: Maybe da Vinci painted over something else. It's called a pentimento.

Farnsworth: That's true, Dr. Zoidberg. How did you know that?

Zoidberg: My doctorate is in Art History.

Farnsworth: Let's see what hidden under the Last Supper. [He pressed a remote and a laser-like device descends from the ceiling. It fires at Hermes, allowing us to see through him.]

Hermes: Wait, I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat.

Farnsworth: [He nudges the machine.] My God! Look! [The crew gasps.]

Amy: My God! I'm looking!

[The table legs are revealed to be a wooden robot.]

Leela: My God! Saint James was a robot!

Zoidberg: My God! da Vinci left his legs unpainted as a clue.

Farnsworth: My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time. We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James.

Hermes: Didn't we used to be a delivery company?

Farnsworth: To the ship!

[Scene: Outside Planet Express. The ship blasts off into space, only to turn and land in Italy.]
[Scene: Rome. The ship flies past a sign that says "Future Roma" and go to the Vatican. The Space Pope signals them down. The ship lands on a monument.]
[Scene: Rome, Catacombs.]

Fry: Psst. Leela, wanna join the Mile-Deep Club?

Leela: Sure, why not?

Farnswoth: No time! I've found a clue that could unlock all the secrets of history. [Fry groans. They walk to a tomb.] Look at these Roman numerals.

Fry: Roman numerals? I've got it! We're in Rome.

Farnsworth: [He hits Fry with a torch.] Don't be stupid. It's a long lost mathematical code. I'll need to consult these ancient writings. [He pulls out a book and blows the dust off it. It is The da Vinci Code.] Some preposterous hog-wash about the Fibonacci Sequence. Aha! The markings indicate how many paces we need to take. One ... Okay, we're there. [In front of them is a tomb that reads "JAMES". ]

Bender: Brothers and sisters, let us pry. [He pulls a crowbar out of his chest cabinet and opens the tomb. A robot is in there]

Farnsworth: It's true, Saint James really was a robot.

Bender: I bet he's up in Robot Heaven right now. So he won't miss his eyes. [He attempts to remove them with a screwdriver.

[A mouse squeaks and runs into the wheel on Saint James' chest and begins running. Saint James stands up.

Fry: My God! Robot Saint James is a zombie.

Animatronio: Nay, I am not Saint James.

Bender: Enough of your lies, Saint James. We saw you in the Last Supper.

Animatronio: The great man Leonardo built me as an artist's model. When I took repose in this coffin, I carefully tossed the real Saint James in yonder heap. [A skeleton is nearby.] I'm sure you have many questions. Come, there is a chamber where I used to speak with Pope John the Patient.

[Scene: Underground Chamber.]

Animatronio: [He sighs. The Pope's skeleton is still seated in a chair, wearing his hat.] I told him I'd be back in five minutes. Ah well, he'll make a nice heap. [He dumps the body and sits in the chair himself.] I am Animatronio, guardian of da Vinci's great secret. He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue, then dispatched me hither to wait for his shadow society of intellectuals.

Fry: Hi, Animatronio.

Farnsworth: You personally knew da Vinci? [He gives a fan-girlish squeal.] Was he nice? How did his hair smell? And on a personal note, what is the function of this device? [He shows the plans.]

Animatronio: Halt! You do not know the function of the Macchina Magnifica? Then thou art not members of the Shadow Society. [He takes the plans.]

Bender: The what now?

Animatronio: Not one more word shall I breathe. Not even about the great fountain where thou mayest find the... Wait. Thou didst not know about the fountain, didst thou? Curses, I must be punished. [He begins flaying himself.]

Farnswoth: Quick, we must find out what he knows before he flays himself to death!

Leela: Where is the great fountain?

Fry: What makes it so great?

Bender: Why does a robot need a codpiece?

Animatronio: Fie, thou fen-suckled bum-bailey! Thou wilst never pry information from these mechanical lips!

Leela: Just tell us, already!

Animatronio: Okay, the fountain thou seekest is... [He groans and falls over.]

Farnsworth: And so dies our hope of solving this mystery. Come on gang, let's go home. Wait! Let's not give up so easily. Animatronio mentioned a fountain. [He looks at a statue.] That's a statue of Neptune, god of water. The number of points on him trident is three, or trey. The "u" in his name is written like "v". Trey, "v". Trevi! It's the Trevi Fountain. There can be no question!

Leela: But, Professor...

Farnsworth: There can be no question!

[Scene: Trevi Fountain]

Fry: Wow, it hasn't changed in a thousand years. [Tentacles reach out of the water and grab a man posing for a picture.]

Farnsworth: Okay, everyone, into the fountain.

Bender: What are you, senile? I'm not jumping in there.

Fry: Hey, look. Coins.

Bender: [He jumps into the fountain. Before he can grab the change, a Giant Squid comes out of a cave. The squid and Bender struggle then both pull out pistols. Gunshots can be heard from the surface. The dead Squid floats up.] I got 48 cents. There's one more nickel, and it's a big one! [He floats down and pulls at the nickel. It is actually a plug keeping water in the fountain. The water starts to drain, taking Bender with it.]

Farnsworth: Quickly, into the sewer hole. [He and Fry jump in.]

Leela: Why? [She is pulled under by the Professor. A hooded figure selling Gelato notices and follows them.]

[Scene: Sewer. The four of them are shooting through the pipes then land in a small room. The squid comes next and stops the water flow.]]

Fry: [Looking through a window.] What's this dump? [They are surrounded by Roman Architecture.]

[Scene: The Pantheon.]

Farnsworth: My god! It's the Pantheon!

Leela: This place is 3,000 years old. What could possibly be left to discover?

Farnsworth: Maybe something about ourselves, Leela. Wait! What's under that blanket? [Fry removes it to reveal a statue of the Vitruvian Man.] My God! da Vinci's Vitruvian Man!

Fry: It's truly a masterpiece. Note how the perspective lines draw the eye straight to his dong.

Farnsworth: [The hooded figure appears and shoots a dart at the Professor.] Say, what's this? [He moves in time for the dart to miss him and hit Bender's eye.]

Bender: Anyone hear something?

Farnsworth: It's a coin slot. Bender, insert that giant nickel.

Bender: Sure. [He has the nickel on a piece of string. He inserts it and takes his entire arm with it.] Ow!

Farnswoth: Hush, Bender. [The statue realigns itself.] What's your game Vitruvian Man? [The statue turns on it side and rolls along the floor. The floor divides behind the statue. Leela scrambles to get to the Professor. A workshop is revealed under the floor.]] I withdraw the question, Vitruvian Man.

[Scene: da Vinci's Workshop]

Farnsworth: da Vinci's lost workshop!

Fry: At the risk of sounding stupid, do these things actually work?

Farnsworth: Of course not, stupid! [He gestures to a flying machine] I mean that flying machine is as aerodynamic as a sofa. How could it possibly get off the ground?

Animatronio: In a way that shalt never discover. [Everyone but Fry gasps].

Fry: Hi, Animatronio.

Animatronio: I feign death and stalk thee, that I might preserve the greatest of Leonardo's secrets! [He throws a mace and it lands on Bender's empty arm socket. Bender hits him with the handle of the mace.]

Bender: All right, buddy, we want secrets! And they better be ancient!

Animatronio: Never shall I reveal how these wonderous machines fit together!

Farnsworth: They fit together?

Animatronio: I said no such thing. And then I died! [He groans and collapses. He opens his eye then shuts it again.]

Fry: [Sitting in the chair of the flying machine] You're right, Professor. This thing doesn't fly.

Farnsworth: Don't sit in there, you idiot! That's dangerous! [He sits on a catapult and gets shot into a series of tubes that directs him into the co-pilot's seat.] Wha? [The machine is lifted up and glass is placed on top of their heads, creating a sealed cockpit. Several more machines go off and the ship is loaded into a cannon.] No wonder this contraction isn't aerodynamic! It's not an aircraft, it's a spacecraft! [The cannon is pointed to a gap in the ceiling.]

Animatronio: As I live, thou shan't discover the great secret! [He works a ballista until it is pointed at the spacecraft. Bender and Leela tackle him. The ballista falls and fires at a lever. The spacecraft is shot into the air.]

Fry: Bye, Animatronio!

[Scene: Space. Pieces of the spacecraft fall off and the wings start beating.]
[Time Lapse: One Month Later] [The spacecraft nears a planet.]
[Time Lapse] [The spacecraft lands in a forest.]

Farnsworth: My God! Why would Leonardo's invention have brought us here?

Fry: I don't know. Let's ask this guy. [A man is standing in front of them.]

Leonardo da Vinci: I am Leonardo. [They gasp.] Welcome to Planet Vinci.

Farnsworth: My God!

Fry: That's what I was gonna say!

[Scene: Vincian City. A woman flies by on a horse-operated flying machine.]

Farnsworth: Leonardo! You're alive? Here?

Leonardo: [He sighs.] You have learned my great secret. In truth, I was but a visitor to Earth. In truth, I am what you call a space alien.

Farnsworth: Oh!

Fry: It's an honor to meet you, Leonardo. Might I say you were great in the Titantic. The Beach? Neh.

Farnsworth: That Leonardo DiCaprio, you blockhead! [He tries to punch Fry in the stomach. Bones are heard cracking.]

Fry: Looks like eating rocks wasn't as dumb as you said.

[Scene: Vincian Street.]

Fry: So what do people do for fun here?

Leonardo: Do you enjoy partying all night with plenty of ale and lusty women?

Fry: I sure do!

Leonardo: Not us. We spend our leisure time in the mathematics museum. Planet Vinci is basically one single colossal university.

Fry: How your football team?

Leonardo: Learned.

Farnsworth: Ooh! I'm going to check out that math lecture. [A professor is teaching students nearby.] All this knowledge is giving me a raging brainer! [He runs off.]

Leonardo: Would you like to hear the lecture, too, Fry?

Fry: No. It would just go in one ear and out some other hole.

[They are now in a park.]

Leonardo: Come, sit down.

Fry: Now that I can do. [He tries to sit in mid-air but fails.] I have a terrible secret to confess Mr. DiCaprio. I'm not very smart.

Leonardo: I appreciate your candor.

Fry: I don't even know what language your speaking.

Leonardo: I, too, have a confession. You see, here on Planet Vinci, I am the stupidest person.

Fry: What? Who could think your stupid? [Two people come near the bench.]

Biff: Duh, I'm Leonardo. I don't know the mass of the Higgs Boson.

Woman: Duh, I have to draw in pencil, because I don't know how to use Rendering software.

[The man raises his fist at Leonardo, who flinches away. Both the man and woman laugh before leaving.]

Leonardo: Stupid Biff. Thinks he's so smart.

Fry: He looks stronger, too.

Leonardo: I went to Earth because I could no longer stand the ridicule. But being surrounded by even stupider people was equally infuriating.

Fry: I can see myself in your shiny button.

Leonardo: Inventing is what makes me happy. Or did, until I misplaced the plans for my masterpiece.

Fry: You mean these? [He holds out the plans.]

Leonardo: The Macchina Magnifica? Infinity joy! Fry, my friend, you have given my life meaning again!

Farnsworth: That calculus lecture was harder than I expected. We had to answer every question in the form of an opera. I have a lot of homework for tomorrow, if I don't want to be [He puts on a Viking opera helmet.] Embarrassed!

[Montage.] Fry and Leonardo are looking at the plans. They keep rolling up so Fry tapes them down. The entire work table rolls up in response. The Professor is overwhelmed and twists his head around. Fry begins turning a crank and the gears start working. da Vinci and Fry high-five. The calculus class is working on Conic Sections. The Professor submits a wrong answer and the cone flies onto his head and sits there like a Dunce Cap. The students laugh and The Professor runs away.]
[Scene: Planet Vinci. Concert Hall. Fry nails a banner to wall with another nail. It reads "Today Leonardo unveils his greatest invention. Plus Fry' armpit concerto.]
[Time Lapse]

Fry: [Fry finishes his "musical piece" and the crowd starts booing.] Thank you. Thank you. And if you like that, you'll love our main event. Ladies and gentlemen, Leonardo DiCaprio! [The crowd cheers.] I mean da Vinci! [The crowd starts booing again.]

Leonardo: For centuries, you've all ridiculed me. Especially you, Biff.

Biff: Nice hat! [The crowd hoots.]

Leonardo: But, at long last, this invention will show you. It will show you all. Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine!

Fry: And I helped! Wait. You told me it was an unstoppable ice cream machine.

Leonardo: Ice cream is just a by-product of the machine. It's primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior!

Biff: Oh, I'm so scared!

Girl: Bring it on, dum-dum. [The crowd laughs.]

Leonardo: Oh yeah? Let's see how hard you are laughing when my doomsday machine chops off your face! [He powers up the machine.]

Farnsworth: Leonardo, stop! [The crowd gasps.] I want in on this!

Fry: Are you crazy, Professor?

Farnsworth: I hate these nerds. Just because I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

[Leonardo starts the machine and the audience flees.]

Farnsworth: [Taking the plans from Fry.] I knew this final invention would be a humdinger!

Leonardo: Yes, we three idiots will finally have our revenge.

Fry: I don't think so! You two make me ashamed to call myself an idiot. [He jumps on the machine.] There's always going to someone smarter than you, so the only way you can be happy is to make the most of what you've got.

Leonardo: But you've got nothing.

Fry:Oh yeah? I've got one single nail and another one to nail it in with. And I'm going to stop this infernal ice cream machine once and for all! [He tries to nail in a nail but it hits him in the eye. He stumbles and gets caught in the gears. Fry is being sent through the gears of the machine, finally jamming it. The machine stops and falls over. Leonardo and the Professor run out of the way. The audience laughs.]

Biff: Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone!

Leonardo: Oh, yeah? Well, take this! [He kicks the machine, causing a lever to pop out. He pulls it and a giant gear crushes him.]

Farnsworth: Oh, my.

Girl: Poor Leonardo da Vinci. He sure was stupid.

[Scene: Space. The Professor and Fry are heading back home in da Vinci's spacecraft. Fry has broken limbs, a neck brace and bandages around his head.]

Farnsworth: Fry, I admire what you did today, and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops, there I go again, you dope. I mean, dummy.

Fry: It's okay. I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say.

Farnsworth: She was a wise woman.

Fry: Also, that I'm not much to look at.

Farnsworth: A wise woman, indeed.

[Closing Credits.]
Futurama transcripts
1ACV
(Season 1)		 "Space Pilot 3000" • "The Series Has Landed" • "I, Roommate" • "Love's Labours Lost in Space" • "Fear of a Bot Planet" • "A Fishful of Dollars" • "My Three Suns" • "A Big Piece of Garbage" • "Hell Is Other Robots" • "A Flight to Remember" • "Mars University" • "When Aliens Attack" • "Fry and the Slurm Factory"
2ACV
(Season 2)		 "I Second that Emotion" • "Brannigan, Begin Again" • "A Head in the Polls" • "Xmas Story" • "Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?" • "The Lesser of Two Evils" • "Put Your Head on My Shoulders" • "Raging Bender" • "A Bicyclops Built for Two" • "A Clone of My Own" • "How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back" • "The Deep South" • "Bender Gets Made" • "Mother's Day" • "The Problem with Popplers" • "Anthology of Interest I" • "War Is the H-Word" • "The Honking" • "The Cryonic Woman"
3ACV
(Season 3)		 "Amazon Women in the Mood" • "Parasites Lost" • "A Tale of Two Santas" • "The Luck of the Fryrish" • "The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz" • "Bendless Love" • "The Day the Earth Stood Stupid" • "That's Lobstertainment!" • "The Cyber House Rules" • "Where the Buggalo Roam" • "Insane in the Mainframe" • "The Route of All Evil" • "Bendin' in the Wind" • "Time Keeps on Slippin'" • "I Dated a Robot" • "A Leela of Her Own" • "A Pharaoh to Remember" • "Anthology of Interest II" • "Roswell that Ends Well" • "Godfellas" • "Future Stock" • "The 30% Iron Chef"
4ACV
(Season 4)		 "Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch" • "Leela's Homeworld" • "Love and Rocket" • "Less than Hero" • "A Taste of Freedom" • "Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television" • "Jurassic Bark" • "Crimes of the Hot" • "Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles" • "The Why of Fry" • "Where No Fan Has Gone Before" • "The Sting" • "Bend Her" • "Obsoletely Fabulous" • "The Farnsworth Parabox" • "Three Hundred Big Boys" • "Spanish Fry" • "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings"
5ACV
(Season 5)
Bender's Big Score The Beast with a Billion Backs Bender's Game Into the Wild Green Yonder
Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4
6ACV
(Season 6)		 "Rebirth" • "In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela" • "Attack of the Killer App" • "Proposition Infinity" • "The Duh-Vinci Code" • "Lethal Inspection" • "The Late Philip J. Fry" • "That Darn Katz!" • "A Clockwork Origin" • "The Prisoner of Benda" • "Lrrreconcilable Ndndifferences" • "The Mutants Are Revolting" • "The Futurama Holiday Spectacular" • "The Silence of the Clamps" • "Möbius Dick" • "Law and Oracle" • "Benderama" • "The Tip of the Zoidberg" • "Ghost in the Machines" • "Neutopia" • "Yo Leela Leela" • "Fry Am the Egg Man" • "All the Presidents' Heads" • "Cold Warriors" • "Overclockwise" • "Reincarnation"
7ACV
(Season 7)		 "The Bots and the Bees" • "A Farewell to Arms" • "Decision 3012" • "The Thief of Baghead" • "Zapp Dingbat" • "The Butterjunk Effect" • "The Six Million Dollar Mon" • "Fun on a Bun" • "Free Will Hunting" • "Near-Death Wish" • "31st Century Fox" • "Viva Mars Vegas" • "Naturama" • "Forty Percent Leadbelly" • "2-D Blacktop" • "T.: The Terrestrial" • "Fry and Leela's Big Fling" • "The Inhuman Torch" • "Saturday Morning Fun Pit" • "Calculon 2.0" • "Assie Come Home" • "Leela and the Genestalk" • "Game of Tones" • "Murder on the Planet Express" • "Stench and Stenchibility" • "Meanwhile"
8ACV
(Season 8)		 "The Impossible Stream" • "Children of a Lesser Bog" • "How the West Was 1010001" • "Parasites Regained" • "Related to Items You've Viewed" • "I Know What You Did Next Xmas" • "Rage Against the Vaccine" • "Zapp Gets Cancelled" • "The Prince and the Product" • "All the Way Down"
S01E
(Broadcast season 1)		 "Space Pilot 3000" • "The Series Has Landed" • "I, Roommate" • "Love's Labours Lost in Space" • "Fear of a Bot Planet" • "A Fishful of Dollars" • "My Three Suns" • "A Big Piece of Garbage" • "Hell Is Other Robots"
S02E
(Broadcast season 2)		 "A Flight to Remember" • "Mars University" • "When Aliens Attack" • "Fry and the Slurm Factory" • "I Second that Emotion" • "Brannigan, Begin Again" • "A Head in the Polls" • "Xmas Story" • "Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?" • "Put Your Head on My Shoulders" • "The Lesser of Two Evils" • "Raging Bender" • "A Bicyclops Built for Two" • "How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back" • "A Clone of My Own" • "The Deep South" • "Bender Gets Made" • "The Problem with Popplers" • "Mother's Day" • "Anthology of Interest I"
S03E
(Broadcast season 3)		 "The Honking" • "War Is the H-Word" • "The Cryonic Woman" • "Parasites Lost" • "Amazon Women in the Mood" • "Bendless Love" • "The Day the Earth Stood Stupid" • "That's Lobstertainment!" • "The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz" • "The Luck of the Fryrish" • "The Cyber House Rules" • "Insane in the Mainframe" • "Bendin' in the Wind" • "Time Keeps on Slippin'" • "I Dated a Robot"
S04E
(Broadcast season 4)		 "Roswell that Ends Well" • "A Tale of Two Santas" • "Anthology of Interest II" • "Love and Rocket" • "Leela's Homeworld" • "Where the Buggalo Roam" • "A Pharaoh to Remember" • "Godfellas" • "Future Stock" • "A Leela of Her Own" • "The 30% Iron Chef" • "Where No Fan Has Gone Before"
S05E
(Broadcast season 5)		 "Crimes of the Hot" • "Jurassic Bark" • "The Route of All Evil" • "A Taste of Freedom" • "Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch" • "Less than Hero" • "Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles" • "The Why of Fry" • "The Sting" • "The Farnsworth Parabox" • "Three Hundred Big Boys" • "Spanish Fry" • "Bend Her" • "Obsoletely Fabulous" • "Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television" • "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings"
S06E
(Broadcast season 6)		 "Bender's Big Score Part 1" • "Bender's Big Score Part 2" • "Bender's Big Score Part 3" • "Bender's Big Score Part 4" • "The Beast with a Billion Backs Part 1" • "The Beast with a Billion Backs Part 2" • "The Beast with a Billion Backs Part 3" • "The Beast with a Billion Backs Part 4" • "Bender's Game Part 1" • "Bender's Game Part 2" • "Bender's Game Part 3" • "Bender's Game Part 4" • "Into the Wild Green Yonder Part 1" • "Into the Wild Green Yonder Part 2" • "Into the Wild Green Yonder Part 3" • "Into the Wild Green Yonder Part 4"
S07E
(Broadcast season 7)		 "Rebirth" • "In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela" • "Attack of the Killer App" • "Proposition Infinity" • "The Duh-Vinci Code" • "Lethal Inspection" • "The Late Philip J. Fry" • "That Darn Katz!" • "A Clockwork Origin" • "The Prisoner of Benda" • "Lrrreconcilable Ndndifferences" • "The Mutants Are Revolting" • "The Futurama Holiday Spectacular"
S08E
(Broadcast season 8)		 "Neutopia" • "Benderama" • "Ghost in the Machines" • "Law and Oracle" • "The Silence of the Clamps" • "Yo Leela Leela" • "All the Presidents' Heads" • "Möbius Dick" • "Fry Am the Egg Man" • "The Tip of the Zoidberg" • "Cold Warriors" • "Overclockwise" • "Reincarnation"
S09E
(Broadcast season 9)		 "The Bots and the Bees" • "A Farewell to Arms" • "Decision 3012" • "The Thief of Baghead" • "Zapp Dingbat" • "The Butterjunk Effect" • "The Six Million Dollar Mon" • "Fun on a Bun" • "Free Will Hunting" • "Near-Death Wish" • "31st Century Fox" • "Viva Mars Vegas" • "Naturama"
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