Transcript:The Duh-Vinci Code

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Transcript for
The Duh-Vinci Code
Written by	Maiya Williams
Transcribed by	Teyrn of Highever

[Opening Credits: Put on 3-D monocle now.]

[Scene: Set of Who Dares to be a Millionaire? Morbo is seated in the center, surrounded by an audience.]

Morbo: [Angrily] Silence, puny audience. And welcome to Who Dares to be a Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, [Calmly] while I chitchat with out first contestant, Philip J. Fry.

[The audience applauds while Fry descends from the ceiling in a rocket powered chair. He waves. A sign reads: "applaud or be destroyed".]

Bender: [In audience.] Give him hell, Morbo!

Morbo: [Angrily] Prepare for pleasantries. [Calmly] So Fry, what do you do for a living?

Fry: Me? Um, can I phone a friend?

Morbo: [Angrily] Chitchat achieved! [Dramatic music plays, lights turn on and the game begins.] Are you ready to play?

Fry: I didn't come to play. I came to win. Not let's play.

Morbo: For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, A nail? C...

Fry: B, nail! final answer! [A buzzer sounds and Fry's chair blasts off.]

[Scene: Planet Express meeting room.]

Hermes: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak?

Fry: I never stop to think about it.

Leela: Aw, leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty.

[Hermes, Leela, Amy and Zoidberg all nod.]

Bender: [Pointing at Fry] You a big dummy!

Fry: Hey, I'm starting to think you all don't think I'm very smart.

Farnsworth: You can barely remember your own name, Einstein.

Fry: Einstein is a hard name to remember. [The Professor pokes him with the Fing-Longer. Ow!

Amy: Smeesh, Professor. Don't have a schmaneurysm. Fry's your distant relative.

Farnsworth: Not distant enough! I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew!

Fry: [He sniffles] But you're my only family. Who will hug me if I achieve something.

Farnsworth: Oh, perhaps I've been too harsh. Come lad, take my hand and I'll explain why I find you so repugnant.

[Scene: Planet Express, The Professor's study]

Farnsworth: All my life I've been inspired by great minds. Euclid, Copernicus, Braino. And my personal role model, Leonardo Da Vinci. [He gestures to a bust of each.]

Fry: What turned them to stone?

Farnsworth: [He slaps his head and sighs] Da Vinci was history's greatest artist and inventor. [He pulls up the head of Da Vinci, revealing a button. He presses it. A shelf rises into the ceiling, revealing a lit cabinet with various sketches and models on shelves.] Voila! He invented flying machines, war engines, submarines.

Fry: [He takes a beard from the cabinet] Uh-oh! Nibbler died in the wall.

Farnsworth: That's not Nibbler. That's my most precious possession. Leonardo's beard! I paid a fortune for it at an auction of historic body parts. I suppose if I have an Achilles Heel, it's because I bought it at that same auction. [He shows Fry a glass foot with a heel bone in it.]

Fry: [Wearing the beard] Indeed so. Most indeededly.

Farnsworth: Careful with that, you fool! [Fry sneezes, causing the beard to separate into individual hairs] No! No! But possibly yes. [A scroll is inside Fry's mouth]

Fry: What is it, Professor?

Farnsworth: [He unravels and unfolds the scroll] Oh, my! It's da Vinci's fabled lost invention. Even the scholars who wrote of this device had no idea what it was for. And now, at least, neither do I!

Fry: Maybe we can figure it out?

Farnsworth: We? [He cackles insanely]

[Scene: Outside Planet Express.]

Fry: Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts. [He is run over by a hoverbus.

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