Transcript:The Prisoner of Benda

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Transcript for
The Prisoner of Benda
Written by	Ken Keeler
Transcribed by	Teyrn of Highever

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Linda: Tonight, at 11:00.

Morbo: Doom!

[Opening Credits: What happens in Cygnus X-1 Stays in Cygnus X-1.]

[Scene: Planet Express, Lounge. Leela is looking at herself in a hand-held mirror.]

Leela: Boy, that thing's big. Fry, is my colossal eye too big?

[The rest of the crew is watching TV.]

Fry: No, it's what makes you you.

Leela: But it's so round, so hideously round.

Fry: Leela, listen. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known.

Leela: Oh. So you only care about my looks?

Fry: No, I.... What?

Linda: [on TV.] Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as Nikolai, playboy ruler of the Robo-Hungarian Empire, arrived on his extravagant, caviar-powered yacht.

Nikolai: [on TV.] I'm just a humble emperor, with a big, big crown!

Bender: [He turns off the TV.] Of course I'm not planning to steal that crown!

Leela: What?

Bender: True. I've always dreamed of being an emperor. You know, for Halloween, and then forever. But heisting those jewels would be difficult.

Leela: You'd be stupid to try.

Bender: I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard.

Amy: Never! [She walks away.]

Bender: A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires.

Zoidberg Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job. [He takes an eel out of a bucket label "Aquariam Garbage" and wraps it around himself like a cravat.]

Bender: And finally, a chump, to be caught on video and later arrested.

Fry: As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day, I'm through being the chump.

Bender: Of course, it would all take split-second robotic timing. That's were I come in. You see, I own a watch. [He pulls out a pocket watch.]

[Scene: Planet Express, The Professor's lab. Amy and Prof. Farnsworth are cleaning a machine.]

Farnsworth: There. This time I'm sure I've fixed the mind switcher.

Amy: Good, I'm sick of cleaning up those heaps of dead monkeys. But why would you want your mind in a new body?

Farnsworth: Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life.

Amy: Like the heaps of dead monkeys?

Farnsworth: Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe.

Amy: I wasted my youth porking out.

Farnsworth: Yes, I remember. [He points to a picture of a fat Amy, captioned "2997 employee of the year".]

Amy: Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry.

Farnsworth: Funny, I could use a extra meat on my bones. [He moves his coat and shows that he is just skin and bones.] Wait a second, if we switch bodies, I could live life to the extreme, and you could indulge your demonic food lust.

Amy: [She gasps.] We are just the people this mind switcher was made for by us! [They sit in the chairs.] Wait, can I still change my mind?

Farnsworth: Let's find out. [He pushes a button.]

Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] It didn't work you doddering old [She gasps.]

Farnsworth: [in Amy’s body.] Ah! Cartilage! Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga! I'm off to laugh at the Reaper. [He shuffles off. Cut to a mountain where he is party boarding. He hits a rock face and snow falls on him.] [Cut to Planet Express. Amy is eating Bologna substitute from a squeeze bottle. I'm sorry, Amy, but your body.] is just not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping everything way. Now quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back to our original bodies.

Bender: Body switcher, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies.

[Amy and the Professor sit in the machine. The Professor presses the body.] but the machine starts beeping. He presses multiple times.]

Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Professor, what's not happening?

Farnsworth: [in Amy’s body.] Bad news, me. [He presses a button and a diagram of their brains comes up.] I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response.

Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] You idiot!

Farnsworth: [in Amy’s body.] Once two bodies have switch minds, they can never switch back. [A dramatic cord plays as Amy covers her mouth.] However, maybe they can. Maybe we can swap back by using a third body.] for temporary storage space.

Bender: I'm 60% storage space. [He bangs his chassis.]

Farnsworth: [in Amy’s body.] Eh, wha? [He and Bender sit in the machine and switch bodies.]

Bender: [in Amy’s body.] Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. [He takes the pocket watch out of the Professor's chest cabinet.]

Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] See ya!

Farnsworth [in Bender’s body.]: Now then Amy, we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body.], but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did.

Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Oh no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies?

Farnsworth [in Bender’s body.]’’: I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use... MATH.

[Scene: NNY. Harbor. Bender is swimming to Nikolai's yacht.]

Bender: [in Amy’s body.] Stupid, air-needing lungs. [He climbs onto the boat. He gasps.] The crown jewels. Now I just need to find the guard and seduce him in... [He checks the watch.] Four seconds?

Basil: Who goes there?

Bender: [in Amy’s body.] [Counting down.] Three, two, one. Hello big boy. [He comes out, imitating porn music and dancing.]

Basil: Silence! I am Basil, the emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I will not be seduced by a... [He gets punched and falls down.]]

Bender: [in Amy’s body.] I said, "Wow chica wow wow".

[Scene: Planet Express. Amy, in Farnsworth’s body, is eating ribs. She throws the bone away and mutters in Cantonese.]

Leela: Professor, what's the matter.

Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies.

Leela: Oh, lord.

Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon.

Leela: At least, you get the senior discount at the movies, I hate paying $14 to see Nicholas Cage solve things.

Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] If you want to save $2 dollars, we could switch bodies.

Leela: We could always switch back, right? [Amy grins.]

[Scene: Planet Express, Lounge. Amy, in Leela's body, is deep-frying something.]

Fry: Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated?

Amy: [in Leela’s body.] Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly baconed.

Fry: Woah. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat.

Amy: [in Leela’s body .] I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. [She puts ketchup on her "creation".

Fry: So Leela's in your body?

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Not exactly. [Fry makes a revolted sound.] Aha! You do only like me for my body.

Fry: That is entirely not true, sir!

[Scene: NNY. Harbor. Bender has Basil tied up.]

Bender: [in Amy's body.] Now to switch bodies with Zoidberg, sneak past the metal detector and clip the alarm wires, all in less than... [He checks the watch.] Ten minutes ago! Oh! [He throws the watch through the metal detector, setting it off. Alarms sound and lights focus on him. Nikolai walks up behind him and cocks a gun.] Uh, could you come back when my chump gets here?

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