Difference between revisions of "Transcript:The Prisoner of Benda"

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:'''[[Linda]]''': Tonight, at 11:00.
<poem>'''[[Linda]]''': Tonight, at 11:00.
:'''[[Morbo]]''': Doom!
 
</poem><poem>'''[[Morbo]]''': Doom!</poem>
 
:''[Opening Credits: What happens in {{w|Cygnus X-1}} Stays in Cygnus X-1.]''
:''[Opening Credits: What happens in {{w|Cygnus X-1}} Stays in Cygnus X-1.]''
:''['''Scene:''' [[Planet Express headquarters#Employee lounge|Planet Express, Lounge.]] [[Leela]] is looking at herself in a hand-held mirror.]''  
 
:'''Leela''': Boy, that thing's big. [[Fry]], is my colossal eye too big?
:''['''Scene''': [[Planet Express headquarters#Employee lounge|Planet Express, Lounge.]] [[Leela]] is looking at herself in a hand-held mirror.]''  
 
<poem>'''Leela''': Boy, that thing's big. [[Fry]], is my colossal eye too big?</poem>
 
:''[The rest of the [[Planet Express crew|crew]] is watching TV.]''
:''[The rest of the [[Planet Express crew|crew]] is watching TV.]''
:'''Fry''': No, it's what makes you you.
 
:'''Leela''': But it's so round, so hideously round.
<poem>'''Fry''': No, it's what makes you you.
:'''Fry''': Leela, listen. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known.
 
:'''Leela''': Oh. So you only care about my looks?
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': But it's so round, so hideously round.
:'''Fry''': No, I.... What?
 
:'''Linda''': ''[on TV.]'' Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as [[Emperor Nikolai|Nikolai]], playboy ruler of the [[Robo-Hungarian Empire]], arrived on his extravagant, {{w|Caviar|caviar}}-powered {{w|yacht}}.
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Leela, listen. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known.
:'''Nikolai''': ''[on TV.]'' I'm just a humble emperor, with a big, big crown!
 
:'''[[Bender]]''': ''[He turns off the TV.]'' Of course I'm not planning to steal that crown!
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': Oh. So you only care about my looks?
:'''Leela''': What?
 
:'''Bender''': True. I've always dreamed of being an emperor. You know, for {{w|Halloween}}, and then forever. But heisting those jewels would be difficult.
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': No, I.... What?
:'''Leela''': You'd be stupid to try.
 
:'''Bender''': I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard.
</poem><poem>'''Linda''': ''[on TV.]'' Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as [[Emperor Nikolai|Nikolai]], playboy ruler of the [[Robo-Hungarian Empire]], arrived on his extravagant, {{w|Caviar|caviar}}-powered {{w|yacht}}.
:'''[[Amy]]''': Never! ''[She walks away.]''
 
:'''Bender''': A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires.
</poem><poem>'''Nikolai''': ''[on TV.]'' I'm just a humble emperor, with a big, big crown!
:'''[[Zoidberg]]''' Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job. ''[He takes an {{w|eel}} out of a bucket label "Aquariam Garbage" and wraps it around himself like a cravat.]''
 
:'''Bender''': And finally, a chump, to be caught on video and later arrested.
</poem><poem>'''[[Bender]]''': ''[He turns off the TV.]'' Of course I'm not planning to steal that crown!
:'''Fry''': As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day, I'm through being the chump.
 
:'''Bender''': Of course, it would all take split-second robotic timing. That's were I come in. You see, I own a watch. ''[He pulls out a {{w|pocket watch}}.]''
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': What?
:''['''Scene:''' [[Planet Express headquarters#Farnsworth's laboratory|Planet Express, The Professor's lab.]] Amy and [[Prof. Farnsworth]] are cleaning a machine.]''
 
:'''Farnsworth''': There. This time I'm sure I've fixed the [[mind-switcher]].
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': True. I've always dreamed of being an emperor. You know, for {{w|Halloween}}, and then forever. But heisting those jewels would be difficult.
:'''Amy''': Good, I'm sick of cleaning up those heaps of dead monkeys. But why would you want your mind in a new body?
 
:'''Farnsworth''': Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life.
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': You'd be stupid to try.
:'''Amy''': Like the heaps of dead monkeys?
 
:'''Farnsworth''': Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe.
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard.
:'''Amy''': I wasted my youth porking out.
 
:'''Farnsworth''': Yes, I remember. ''[He points to a picture of a fat Amy, captioned "2997 employee of the year".]''
</poem><poem>'''[[Amy]]''': Never! ''[She walks away.]''
:'''Amy''': Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry.
 
:'''Farnsworth''': Funny, I could use a extra meat on my bones. ''[He moves his coat and shows that he is just skin and bones.]'' Wait a second, if we switch bodies, I could live life to the extreme, and you could indulge your demonic food lust.
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires.
:'''Amy''': ''[She gasps.]'' We are just the people this mind-switcher was made for by us! ''[They sit in the chairs.]'' Wait, can I still change my mind?
 
:'''Farnsworth''': Let's find out. ''[He pushes a button.]''  
</poem><poem>'''[[Zoidberg]]''' Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job. ''[He takes an {{w|eel}} out of a bucket label "Aquariam Garbage" and wraps it around himself like a cravat.]''
:'''Amy''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' It didn't work you doddering old ''[She gasps.]''
 
:'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Ah! {{w|Cartilage}}! Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga! I'm off to laugh at the Reaper. ''[He shuffles off. Cut to a mountain where he is party boarding. He hits a rock face and snow falls on him. Cut to Planet Express. Amy is eating {{w|Bologna}} substitute from a squeeze bottle.]'' I'm sorry, Amy, but your body is just not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping everything way. Now quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back to our original bodies.
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': And finally, a chump, to be caught on video and later arrested.
:'''Bender''': Body switcher, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies.  
 
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day, I'm through being the chump.
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Of course, it would all take split-second robotic timing. That's were I come in. You see, I own a watch. ''[He pulls out a {{w|pocket watch}}.]''</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''': [[Planet Express headquarters#Farnsworth's laboratory|Planet Express, The Professor's lab.]] Amy and [[Prof. Farnsworth]] are cleaning a machine.]''
 
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': There. This time I'm sure I've fixed the [[mind-switcher]].
 
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': Good, I'm sick of cleaning up those heaps of dead monkeys. But why would you want your mind in a new body?
 
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life.
 
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': Like the heaps of dead monkeys?
 
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe.
 
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': I wasted my youth porking out.
 
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Yes, I remember. ''[He points to a picture of a fat Amy, captioned "2997 employee of the year".]''
 
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry.
 
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Funny, I could use a extra meat on my bones. ''[He moves his coat and shows that he is just skin and bones.]'' Wait a second, if we switch bodies, I could live life to the extreme, and you could indulge your demonic food lust.
 
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': ''[She gasps.]'' We are just the people this mind-switcher was made for by us! ''[They sit in the chairs.]'' Wait, can I still change my mind?
 
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Let's find out. ''[He pushes a button.]''  
 
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' It didn't work you doddering old ''[She gasps.]''
 
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Ah! {{w|Cartilage}}! Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga! I'm off to laugh at the Reaper. ''[He shuffles off. Cut to a mountain where he is party boarding. He hits a rock face and snow falls on him. Cut to Planet Express. Amy is eating {{w|Bologna}} substitute from a squeeze bottle.]'' I'm sorry, Amy, but your body is just not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping everything way. Now quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back to our original bodies.
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': Body switcher, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies.</poem>
 
:''[Amy and the Professor sit in the machine. The Professor presses the body.] but the machine starts beeping. He presses multiple times.]''
:''[Amy and the Professor sit in the machine. The Professor presses the body.] but the machine starts beeping. He presses multiple times.]''
:'''Amy''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Professor, what's not happening?
 
:'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Bad news, me. ''[He presses a button and a diagram of their brains comes up.]'' I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response.
<poem>'''Amy''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Professor, what's not happening?
:'''Amy''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' You idiot!
 
:'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Once two bodies have switch minds, they can never switch back. ''[A dramatic cord plays as Amy covers her mouth.]'' However, maybe they can. Maybe we can swap back by using a third body.] for temporary storage space.
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Bad news, me. ''[He presses a button and a diagram of their brains comes up.]'' I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response.
:'''Bender''': I'm [[Bender Bending Rodriguez#Composition|60% storage space]]. ''[He bangs his chassis.]''
 
:'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Eh, wha? ''[He and Bender sit in the machine and switch bodies.]''
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' You idiot!
:'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. ''[He takes the pocket watch out of the Professor's chest cabinet.]''
 
:'''Amy''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' See ya!
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Once two bodies have switch minds, they can never switch back. ''[A dramatic cord plays as Amy covers her mouth.]'' However, maybe they can. Maybe we can swap back by using a third body.] for temporary storage space.
:'''Farnsworth''' ''[in Bender’s body.]'': Now then Amy, we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body.], but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did.
 
:'''Amy''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Oh no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies?
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': I'm [[Bender Bending Rodriguez#Composition|60% storage space]]. ''[He bangs his chassis.]''
:'''Farnsworth''' ''[in Bender’s body.]’’: I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use... MATH.  
 
:''['''Scene:''' NNY. Harbor. Bender is swimming to Nikolai's yacht.]''
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Eh, wha? ''[He and Bender sit in the machine and switch bodies.]''
:'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Stupid, air-needing lungs. ''[He climbs onto the boat. He gasps.]'' The crown jewels. Now I just need to find the guard and seduce him in... ''[He checks the watch.]'' Four seconds?
 
:'''[[Basil]]''': Who goes there?
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. ''[He takes the pocket watch out of the Professor's chest cabinet.]''
:'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' ''[Counting down.]'' Three, two, one. Hello big boy. ''[He comes out, imitating porn music and dancing.]''
 
:'''Basil''': Silence! I am Basil, the emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I will not be seduced by a... ''[He gets punched and falls down.]]
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' See ya!
:'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' I said, "Wow chica wow wow".
 
:''['''Scene:''' Planet Express. Amy, in Farnsworth’s body, is eating ribs. She throws the bone away and mutters in {{w|Cantonese}}.]''
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''' ''[in Bender’s body.]'': Now then Amy, we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body.], but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did.
:'''Leela''': Professor, what's the matter.
 
:'''Amy''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies.
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Oh no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies?
:'''Leela''': Oh, lord.
 
:'''Amy''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon.
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''' ''[in Bender’s body.]’’: I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use... MATH. </poem>
:'''Leela''': At least, you get the senior discount at the movies, I hate paying $14 to see {{w|Nicholas Cage}} {{w|National Treasure (franchise)|solve things}}.
 
:'''Amy''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' If you want to save $2 dollars, we could switch bodies.
:''['''Scene''': NNY. Harbor. Bender is swimming to Nikolai's yacht.]''
:'''Leela''': We could always switch back, right? ''[Amy grins.]''
 
:''['''Scene:''' Planet Express, Lounge. Amy, in Leela's body, is {{w|deep-frying}} something.]''
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Stupid, air-needing lungs. ''[He climbs onto the boat. He gasps.]'' The crown jewels. Now I just need to find the guard and seduce him in... ''[He checks the watch.]'' Four seconds?
:'''Fry''': Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated?
 
:'''Amy''': ''[in Leela’s body.]'' Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly {{w|Bacon|baconed}}.
</poem><poem>'''[[Basil]]''': Who goes there?
:'''Fry''': Woah. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat.
 
:'''Amy''': ''[in Leela’s body.]'' I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. ''[She puts {{w|ketchup}} on her "creation".
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' ''[Counting down.]'' Three, two, one. Hello big boy. ''[He comes out, imitating porn music and dancing.]''
:'''Fry''': [[Fry-Amy relationship|So Leela's in your body?]]
 
:'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Not exactly. ''[Fry makes a revolted sound.]'' Aha! You do only like me for my body.
</poem><poem>'''Basil''': Silence! I am Basil, the emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I will not be seduced by a... ''[He gets punched and falls down.]]
:'''Fry''': That is entirely not true, sir!
 
:''['''Scene:''' Nikolai's yacht. Bender has Basil tied up.]''
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' I said, "Wow chica wow wow".</poem>
:'''Bender''': ''[in Amy's body.]'' Now to switch bodies with Zoidberg, sneak past the metal detector and clip the alarm wires, all in less than... ''[He checks the watch.]'' Ten minutes ago! Oh! ''[He throws the watch through the metal detector, setting it off. Alarms sound and lights focus on him. Nikolai walks up behind him and cocks a gun.]'' Uh, could you come back when my chump gets here?
 
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express. Amy, in Farnsworth’s body, is eating ribs. She throws the bone away and mutters in {{w|Cantonese}}.]''
 
<poem>'''Leela''': Professor, what's the matter.
 
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies.
 
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': Oh, lord.
 
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon.
 
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': At least, you get the senior discount at the movies, I hate paying $14 to see {{w|Nicholas Cage}} {{w|National Treasure (franchise)|solve things}}.
 
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' If you want to save $2 dollars, we could switch bodies.
 
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': We could always switch back, right? ''[Amy grins.]''</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express, Lounge. Amy, in Leela's body, is {{w|deep-frying}} something.]''
 
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated?
 
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': ''[in Leela’s body.]'' Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly {{w|Bacon|baconed}}.
 
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Woah. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat.
 
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': ''[in Leela’s body.]'' I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. ''[She puts {{w|ketchup}} on her "creation".
 
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': [[Fry-Amy relationship|So Leela's in your body?]]
 
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Not exactly. ''[Fry makes a revolted sound.]'' Aha! You do only like me for my body.
 
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': That is entirely not true, sir!</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''': Nikolai's yacht. Bender has Basil tied up.]''
 
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Amy's body.]'' Now to switch bodies with Zoidberg, sneak past the metal detector and clip the alarm wires, all in less than... ''[He checks the watch.]'' Ten minutes ago! Oh! ''[He throws the watch through the metal detector, setting it off. Alarms sound and lights focus on him. Nikolai walks up behind him and cocks a gun.]'' Uh, could you come back when my chump gets here?</poem>
 
:''[Time Lapse. Basil is free and removing the last of the binding.]''
:''[Time Lapse. Basil is free and removing the last of the binding.]''
:'''Nikolai''': Now then, what is a filthy human doing aboard my royal yacht?
 
:'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' With all due respect, Your Majesty, I'm a robot like you. I just switch bodies with some bimbo. Go ahead, ask me anything a robot would know.
<poem>'''Nikolai''': Now then, what is a filthy human doing aboard my royal yacht?
:'''Nikolai''': Ah, a reverse {{w|Turing test}}, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine?
 
:'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Hold on, let me just get out a pencil. ''[He sighs.]'' Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind. ''[He starts {{w|beat boxing}} and {{w|moon walk (dance)|Moonwalking}}.
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' With all due respect, Your Majesty, I'm a robot like you. I just switch bodies with some bimbo. Go ahead, ask me anything a robot would know.
:'''Basil''': He steps forwards but moves backwards.
 
:'''Nikolai''': By the gods! he is a machine!
</poem><poem>'''Nikolai''': Ah, a reverse {{w|Turing test}}, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine?
:''['''Scene:''' Planet Express, the Professor's lab.]''
 
:'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Bender’s body.]'' No, that won't restore everyone, either. Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back! I'm running away with this invincible robot body and joining something!
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Hold on, let me just get out a pencil. ''[He sighs.]'' Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind. ''[He starts {{w|beat boxing}} and {{w|moon walk (dance)|Moonwalking}}.
:''['''Scene:''' Circus Roboticus. Inside a tent.]''
 
:'''[["Fishy" Joseph Gilman|Fishy Joe]]''': I paid for 15 Robot Clowns per cubic meter of car, and you're barely giving me 12. Now crumple up and get in... And fasten your seat belts.
</poem><poem>'''Basil''': He steps forwards but moves backwards.
:'''[[Robot Clowns|Robot Clown]]''': Oh, come on!
 
:'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Bender’s body.]'' Good day. I am Nonchalanto, the robot daredevil. And my dream is to risk my life in strange and original ways.
</poem><poem>'''Nikolai''': By the gods! he is a machine!</poem>
:'''Fishy Joe''': Hmm. You don't look for foolhardy to me.
 
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express, the Professor's lab.]''
 
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Bender’s body.]'' No, that won't restore everyone, either. Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back! I'm running away with this invincible robot body and joining something!</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''': Circus Roboticus. Inside a tent.]''
 
<poem>'''[["Fishy" Joseph Gilman|Fishy Joe]]''': I paid for 15 Robot Clowns per cubic meter of car, and you're barely giving me 12. Now crumple up and get in... And fasten your seat belts.
 
</poem><poem>'''[[Robot Clowns|Robot Clown]]''': Oh, come on!
 
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Bender’s body.]'' Good day. I am Nonchalanto, the robot daredevil. And my dream is to risk my life in strange and original ways.
 
</poem><poem>'''Fishy Joe''': Hmm. You don't look for foolhardy to me.</poem>
 
:''[The Professor takes the 5 of spades and puts it in his mouth. He unscrews his head and puts in on a lever. He jumps on to the opposing end, launching his head into the air. He takes an out {{w|automatic rifle}} and shoots at his head. His head lands in his neck and he shows Fishy the card. He shot through each of the spades.]''
:''[The Professor takes the 5 of spades and puts it in his mouth. He unscrews his head and puts in on a lever. He jumps on to the opposing end, launching his head into the air. He takes an out {{w|automatic rifle}} and shoots at his head. His head lands in his neck and he shows Fishy the card. He shot through each of the spades.]''
:'''Fishy Joe''': That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done. Your hired! ''[A [[Robot Acrobat|robot traipse artist]] falls to the ground.]''
 
:''['''Scene:''' Nikolai's yacht. Bender and Nikolai are talking.]''
<poem>'''Fishy Joe''': That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done. Your hired! ''[A [[Robot Acrobat|robot traipse artist]] falls to the ground.]''</poem>
:'''Nikolai''': So you’re a common [[Bending Units|bending robot]] with a human peasant roommate?
 
:'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Oh, crap, that is what I am!
:''['''Scene''': Nikolai's yacht. Bender and Nikolai are talking.]''
:'''Nikolai''': No, Bender, I envy you. I'm so bored with all of these pretentious trappings. The jewels, the parties, the beautiful [[Fembot|robo women]].
 
:'''[[Princess Flavia]]''': Hello.
<poem>'''Nikolai''': So you’re a common [[Bending Units|bending robot]] with a human peasant roommate?
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Oh, crap, that is what I am!
 
</poem><poem>'''Nikolai''': No, Bender, I envy you. I'm so bored with all of these pretentious trappings. The jewels, the parties, the beautiful [[Fembot|robo women]].
 
</poem><poem>'''[[Princess Flavia]]''': Hello.</poem>
 
:''[Bender's jaw drops.]''
:''[Bender's jaw drops.]''
:'''Nikolai''': My fiancée, Princess Flavia. Dearest, meet Bender. He's a robot in the body of {{w|Chinese people|Chinese}} [[Mars|Martian]] physicist.
 
:'''Flavia''': How tedious. ''[She walks off.]''
<poem>'''Nikolai''': My fiancée, Princess Flavia. Dearest, meet Bender. He's a robot in the body of {{w|Chinese people|Chinese}} [[Mars|Martian]] physicist.
:'''Nikolai''': Oh, to escape this gilded cage for a day.
 
:'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' You know, we could trade bodies. I could take over the humdrum royal stuff and you could be an regular Joe for a day. ''[He stares at the crown.]'' Or more. Much more.
</poem><poem>'''Flavia''': How tedious. ''[She walks off.]''
:'''Nikolai''': In that horrible non-robot body. Sir, I have my standards.
 
:'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Ah, but what if I could put you in my fabulous bending-robot body?
</poem><poem>'''Nikolai''': Oh, to escape this gilded cage for a day.
:'''Nikolai''': ''[He giggles.]'' Me, posing as a lowly bending unit? How wicked! But wait, I'm supposed to give a speech at the [[UN]] tomorrow. Can I trust you to do it?
 
:'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' You can trust anything.
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' You know, we could trade bodies. I could take over the humdrum royal stuff and you could be an regular Joe for a day. ''[He stares at the crown.]'' Or more. Much more.
 
</poem><poem>'''Nikolai''': In that horrible non-robot body. Sir, I have my standards.
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Ah, but what if I could put you in my fabulous bending-robot body?
 
</poem><poem>'''Nikolai''': ''[He giggles.]'' Me, posing as a lowly bending unit? How wicked! But wait, I'm supposed to give a speech at the [[UN]] tomorrow. Can I trust you to do it?
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' You can trust anything.</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''' Planet Express, hanger.]''
:''['''Scene''' Planet Express, hanger.]''
:'''Fry''' So now Leela's all crotchety because she thinks I'm not attracted to her in the Professor's body.
 
:'''[[Hermes]]''': You aren't, are you?
<poem>'''Fry''' So now Leela's all crotchety because she thinks I'm not attracted to her in the Professor's body.
:'''Fry''': Of course not! But I was willing to lie about it. What more can a man do?
 
:'''Hermes''': A man can give her a toke of her own medicine.
</poem><poem>'''[[Hermes]]''': You aren't, are you?
:'''Fry''': Yes! I can put my mind in a hideous body and show Leela she's not attracted to me. But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body.
 
:'''Zoidberg''': Friends! Friends! I've got {{w|barnacles}} on my tuchus! ''[He shows them.]''
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Of course not! But I was willing to lie about it. What more can a man do?
:'''Hermes''': The long search is over.
 
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': A man can give her a toke of her own medicine.
 
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': Yes! I can put my mind in a hideous body and show Leela she's not attracted to me. But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body.
 
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': Friends! Friends! I've got {{w|barnacles}} on my tuchus! ''[He shows them.]''
 
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': The long search is over.</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''' Outside Planet Express.]''
:''['''Scene''' Outside Planet Express.]''
:'''Bender''': ''Amy’s body'' Wait here and earn interest while I find my robot body.
 
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body]'' Wait here and earn interest while I find my robot body.</poem>
 
:''['''Scene'''' Planet Express, lounge. Leela, in Farnsworth’s body is reading ''Great {{w|hamster|Hamsters}} and {{w|gerbil|Gerbils}}''. [[Scruffy]] and [[Wash bucket]] are mopping the floor.]''
:''['''Scene'''' Planet Express, lounge. Leela, in Farnsworth’s body is reading ''Great {{w|hamster|Hamsters}} and {{w|gerbil|Gerbils}}''. [[Scruffy]] and [[Wash bucket]] are mopping the floor.]''
:'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Professor?
 
:'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Leela. Amy?
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Professor?
:'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it.
 
:'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Yeah, he said something about running away. Then he ran away.
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Leela. Amy?
:'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' What? Wither?
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it.
 
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Yeah, he said something about running away. Then he ran away.
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' What? Wither?</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''' Circus Roboticus. Farnsworth in Bender’s body is attempting to land on a target carried by the Robot Clowns. They attempt to get under him but he lands in the audience. The audience cheers.]''
:''['''Scene''' Circus Roboticus. Farnsworth in Bender’s body is attempting to land on a target carried by the Robot Clowns. They attempt to get under him but he lands in the audience. The audience cheers.]''
:'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' What am I gonna do? I got an emperor all patsied up to switch bodies, but only with another robot!
 
:'''[[Wash bucket]]''': Wash bucket full.
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' What am I gonna do? I got an emperor all patsied up to switch bodies, but only with another robot!
:'''Scruffy''': Scruffy's work here is done. ''[He props up the mop and goes to the couch. He lies down and starts reading ''Extra-Long Honkers''.]''
 
:'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' ''[He looks at Wash bucket calculatingly. Cut to the Professor's lab where he and Wash bucket switch bodies.]''
</poem><poem>'''[[Wash bucket]]''': Wash bucket full.
:'''Bender''': ''[in Wash bucket’s body.]'' Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof.
 
:'''Wash bucket''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Now to find Scruffy. ''[She walks past Fry and Zoidberg.]''
</poem><poem>'''Scruffy''': Scruffy's work here is done. ''[He props up the mop and goes to the couch. He lies down and starts reading ''Extra-Long Honkers''.]''
:'''Zoidberg''': Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. ''[He and Fry switch bodies.]''
 
:'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' In your face, Leela. ''[He walks out, past Nikolai and Bender Wash bucket’s body.]''
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' ''[He looks at Wash bucket calculatingly. Cut to the Professor's lab where he and Wash bucket switch bodies.]''
:'''Nikolai''': If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water?
 
:'''Bender''': ''[in Wash bucket’s body.]'' If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move over Fry. ''[He pushes Zoidberg out of his seat and switches with Nikolai.]''
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Wash bucket’s body.]'' Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof.
:'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai’s body.]'' Well, so long.
 
:'''Nikolai''': ''[in Wash bucket’s body.]'' Wait! Point me to my normal human roommate!
</poem><poem>'''Wash bucket''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' Now to find Scruffy. ''[She walks past Fry and Zoidberg.]''
:'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai’s body.]'' That's him there, maybe. ''[He points to Zoidberg.]'' Got to go!
 
:'''Zoidberg''': ''[in Fry’s body]'' Robot?
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. ''[He and Fry switch bodies.]''
:'''Nikolai''': ''[in Wash bucket’s body.]'' Yes, 'tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend?
 
:'''Zoidberg''': ''[in Fry’s body.]'' Aha! The guy in this body has a friend! Bender, old pal! It's me, the Fry! ''[He hugs Nikolai.]''
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' In your face, Leela. ''[He walks out, past Nikolai and Bender Wash bucket’s body.]''
 
</poem><poem>'''Nikolai''': If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water?
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Wash bucket’s body.]'' If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move over Fry. ''[He pushes Zoidberg out of his seat and switches with Nikolai.]''
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai’s body.]'' Well, so long.
 
</poem><poem>'''Nikolai''': ''[in Wash bucket’s body.]'' Wait! Point me to my normal human roommate!
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai’s body.]'' That's him there, maybe. ''[He points to Zoidberg.]'' Got to go!
 
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': ''[in Fry’s body]'' Robot?
 
</poem><poem>'''Nikolai''': ''[in Wash bucket’s body.]'' Yes, 'tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend?
 
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': ''[in Fry’s body.]'' Aha! The guy in this body has a friend! Bender, old pal! It's me, the Fry! ''[He hugs Nikolai.]''</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''' Planet Express, meeting room. Leela, in the Professor's body, is talking on the phone.]''
:''['''Scene''' Planet Express, meeting room. Leela, in the Professor's body, is talking on the phone.]''
:'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' But then Nicholas Cage discovered that the real treasure was his family. Yes, I'll hold.
 
:'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg.
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' But then Nicholas Cage discovered that the real treasure was his family. Yes, I'll hold.
:'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' ''[She put a hand over her right eye.]'' Fry?
 
:'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' Oh, you're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? ''[He makes tentacles come out his armpits.]''
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg.
:'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' ''[She gags.]'' Not at all. ''[The door opens. Amy has made Leela's body overweight. She unwraps some butter and eats it.]'' Amy, stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float!
 
:'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' Eww! look at her! ''[Amy leave the room.]''
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' ''[She put a hand over her right eye.]'' Fry?
:'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight?
 
:'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' That wasn't a little extra weight.
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' Oh, you're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? ''[He makes tentacles come out his armpits.]''
:'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all!
 
:'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me!
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' ''[She gags.]'' Not at all. ''[The door opens. Amy has made Leela's body overweight. She unwraps some butter and eats it.]'' Amy, stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float!
:'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Would not!
 
:'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic date at [[Elzar's]] tonight.
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' Eww! look at her! ''[Amy leave the room.]''
:'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' It's on.
 
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight?
 
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' That wasn't a little extra weight.
 
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all!
 
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me!
 
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Would not!
 
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic date at [[Elzar's]] tonight.
 
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' It's on.</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''' Planet Express, lounge. Amy is still eating butter.]''
:''['''Scene''' Planet Express, lounge. Amy is still eating butter.]''
:'''Hermes''': Sweet {{w|ocra}} of {{w|Majorca}}! You make {{w|Fat Albert}} look like Normal Albert!
 
:'''Amy''': ''[in Leela’s body.]'' I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter?
<poem>'''Hermes''': Sweet {{w|ocra}} of {{w|Majorca}}! You make {{w|Fat Albert}} look like Normal Albert!
:'''Hermes''': I am putting a stop to this, right now! Come on We're switching bodies.
 
:'''Amy''': ''[in Leela’s body.]'' Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too!
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': ''[in Leela’s body.]'' I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter?
:'''Hermes''': Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.
 
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': I am putting a stop to this, right now! Come on We're switching bodies.
 
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': ''[in Leela’s body.]'' Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too!
 
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''' Circus Roboticus. A poster is advertising Nonchalanto. A robot turns on a {{w|chainsaw}} and eats it. The Professor eats a lit bomb.]''
:''['''Scene''' Circus Roboticus. A poster is advertising Nonchalanto. A robot turns on a {{w|chainsaw}} and eats it. The Professor eats a lit bomb.]''
:'''[[Big Bertha]]''': You make quite a show, young man. ''[A robot {{w|Howitzer}} rolls in.]'' You remind me of myself as a young cannon.
 
:'''[[Chainsaw-Eating Robot]]''': Big Bertha is the circus's ''grande dame''. She shoots robots through the air.
<poem>'''[[Big Bertha]]''': You make quite a show, young man. ''[A robot {{w|Howitzer}} rolls in.]'' You remind me of myself as a young cannon.
:'''Bertha''': ''[She belches and shoots a robot into the air.]'' Excuse me. Too much {{w|goulash}}.
 
:'''Farnsworth''': [in Bender’s body.] I've always wanted to be shot out of something. How about a quick blast after lunch.
</poem><poem>'''[[Chainsaw-Eating Robot]]''': Big Bertha is the circus's ''grande dame''. She shoots robots through the air.
:'''Bertha''': Alas, a fine big one like you would shatter my barrel. But, ah, to amaze the crowd once more.
 
:'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Bender’s body.]'' I understand the problem of age, but suppose I could put you into a new body?
</poem><poem>'''Bertha''': ''[She belches and shoots a robot into the air.]'' Excuse me. Too much {{w|goulash}}.
:'''Bertha''': Never! I body may be old, but it is mine, and every crack a memory of heavy things shot a long way. She rolls away.
 
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': [in Bender’s body.] I've always wanted to be shot out of something. How about a quick blast after lunch.
 
</poem><poem>'''Bertha''': Alas, a fine big one like you would shatter my barrel. But, ah, to amaze the crowd once more.
 
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Bender’s body.]'' I understand the problem of age, but suppose I could put you into a new body?
 
</poem><poem>'''Bertha''': Never! I body may be old, but it is mine, and every crack a memory of heavy things shot a long way. ''[She rolls away.]''</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''' Nikolai's yacht. Bender, in Nikolai's body pours a glass of jewels and drinks.]''
:''['''Scene''' Nikolai's yacht. Bender, in Nikolai's body pours a glass of jewels and drinks.]''
:'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai’s body.]'' Ah! I have everything I every wanted. Money, wealth, riches. Yet something's missing. A hot princess with which to get grizzly,
 
:'''Flavia''': ''[She walks in front of Bender.]''
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai’s body.]'' Ah! I have everything I every wanted. Money, wealth, riches. Yet something's missing. A hot princess with which to get grizzly,
:'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai’s body.]'' Hello, baby! ''[She pulls out a gun.]'' Huh? Hey, what's going on here? And why are you kissing my dashing cousin instead of me?
 
:'''Flavia''': Nikolai, you imperial fool! We've been having an affair for 700 years.
</poem><poem>'''Flavia''': ''[She walks in front of Bender.]''
:'''Basil''': At long last, I shall kill you, blame the burglar and inherit the throne. ''[He pulls out a sword. Bender spits the jewels out.]''
 
:'''Flavia''': Farewell, Nikolai.
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai’s body.]'' Hello, baby! ''[She pulls out a gun.]'' Huh? Hey, what's going on here? And why are you kissing my dashing cousin instead of me?
:'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai’s body.]'' Wait! I'm not Nikolai! I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar. ''[He moonwalks.]''
 
:'''Basil''': So you are. However, you do have Nikolai's body, and that's the part we want to kill. ''[He turns on the sword. It works like a chain saw. Basil forces Bender to back up and fall overboard.]''
</poem><poem>'''Flavia''': Nikolai, you imperial fool! We've been having an affair for 700 years.
 
</poem><poem>'''Basil''': At long last, I shall kill you, blame the burglar and inherit the throne. ''[He pulls out a sword. Bender spits the jewels out.]''
 
</poem><poem>'''Flavia''': Farewell, Nikolai.
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai’s body.]'' Wait! I'm not Nikolai! I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar. ''[He moonwalks.]''
 
</poem><poem>'''Basil''': So you are. However, you do have Nikolai's body, and that's the part we want to kill. ''[He turns on the sword. It works like a chain saw. Basil forces Bender to back up and fall overboard.]''</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''' Elzar's Fine Cuisine. Leela, in the Professor's body, and Fry, in Zoidberg's body, are having their date.]''
:''['''Scene''' Elzar's Fine Cuisine. Leela, in the Professor's body, and Fry, in Zoidberg's body, are having their date.]''
:'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' Great food, huh? ''[He burps out of his {{w|gills}}. The rest of the restaurant groans in disgust,]''
 
:'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Ew!
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' Great food, huh? ''[He burps out of his {{w|gills}}. The rest of the restaurant groans in disgust,]''
:'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me.
 
:'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' No, it only makes you more attractive. ''[She spits her {{w|dentures}} into her wine glass. Everyone watching groans again.
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Ew!
:'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' Ew!
 
:'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Oh, did my bodily infirmity embarrass you?
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me.
:'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady.
 
:'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' You mean, like my penis? ''[Fry gags and a worm comes out of his mouth.]'' Eh!
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' No, it only makes you more attractive. ''[She spits her {{w|dentures}} into her wine glass. Everyone watching groans again.
:'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' Admit it! You're disgusted by me!
 
:'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' No, you're disgusted by me!
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' Ew!
:'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been!
 
:'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Prove it! ''[They start making out while the other restaurateurs scream. Pan over to Amy, in Hermes's body, watching them. The {{w|ice cream}} she is about to eat falls onto the table.]''
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Oh, did my bodily infirmity embarrass you?
 
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady.
 
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' You mean, like my penis? ''[Fry gags and a worm comes out of his mouth.]'' Eh!
 
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' Admit it! You're disgusted by me!
 
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' No, you're disgusted by me!
 
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been!
 
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Prove it! ''[They start making out while the other restaurant goers scream. Pan over to Amy, in Hermes's body, watching them. The {{w|ice cream}} she is about to eat falls onto the table.]''</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''' [[Robot Arms Apartments]].]''
:''['''Scene''' [[Robot Arms Apartments]].]''
:'''Zoidberg''': ''[in FB.]'' Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in everyday. ''[He opens the door and looks inside.]'' A floor? We live like kings?
 
:'''Nikolai''': ''[in Wash bucket’s body.]'' Kings? Silence! Like you, I'm a common lout. Now fetch me some working-class {{w|cognac}} from our brandy storeroom that you know how to find.
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': ''[in Fry's body.]'' Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in everyday. ''[He opens the door and looks inside.]'' A floor? We live like kings?
:'''Zoidberg''': ''[in FB.]'' ''[He starts looking in the dishwasher, which he breaks and rips off the wall. Nikolai screams as the kitchen starts to flood.]'' Relax, Bender. I'll dry up that leak with this heating box. ''[He rips the oven off the wall and places it where the dishwasher was. Gas starts leaking.]''
 
:'''Nikolai''': ''[in Wash bucket’s body.]'' ''[Finding cigars in a cabinet.]''  Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend. ''[Zoidberg pulls out a lighter. Cut to outside where a fireball shoots out of the building. Bender, in Nikolai's body, runs past. Basil and Flavia are chasing him. Two robots walk in front of Bender.]''
</poem><poem>'''Nikolai''': ''[in Wash bucket’s body.]'' Kings? Silence! Like you, I'm a common lout. Now fetch me some working-class {{w|cognac}} from our brandy storeroom that you know how to find.
:'''Robot''': There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the UN
 
:'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai.]'' The what now? ''[Laser blasts hit the robots. Bender screams and runs away.]''
</poem><poem>'''Zoidberg''': ''[in Fry's body.]'' ''[He starts looking in the dishwasher, which he breaks and rips off the wall. Nikolai screams as the kitchen starts to flood.]'' Relax, Bender. I'll dry up that leak with this heating box. ''[He rips the oven off the wall and places it where the dishwasher was. Gas starts leaking.]''
 
</poem><poem>'''Nikolai''': ''[in Wash bucket’s body.]'' ''[Finding cigars in a cabinet.]''  Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend. ''[Zoidberg pulls out a lighter. Cut to outside where a fireball shoots out of the building. Bender, in Nikolai's body, runs past. Basil and Flavia are chasing him. Two robots walk in front of Bender.]''
 
</poem><poem>'''Robot''': There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the UN
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai.]'' The what now? ''[Laser blasts hit the robots. Bender screams and runs away.]''</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''' Planet Express. Scruffy is reading ''Janitor's Quarterly. Someone walks into to his room.]''
:''['''Scene''' Planet Express. Scruffy is reading ''Janitor's Quarterly. Someone walks into to his room.]''
:'''Scruffy''': Miss Wong?
 
:'''Wash bucket''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' No, Scruffy, I am Wash bucket. I love you. Wash bucket has always loved you. ''[They kiss but Scruffy pulls away.]''
<poem>'''Scruffy''': Miss Wong?
:'''Scruffy''': It's wrong, Wash bucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment.
 
:'''Wash bucket''': ''[in Amy’s body.]''  In another city, we could be anyone we want!
</poem><poem>'''Wash bucket''': ''[in Amy’s body.]'' No, Scruffy, I am Wash bucket. I love you. Wash bucket has always loved you. ''[They kiss but Scruffy pulls away.]''
:'''Scruffy''': Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.
 
</poem><poem>'''Scruffy''': It's wrong, Wash bucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment.
 
</poem><poem>'''Wash bucket''': ''[in Amy’s body.]''  In another city, we could be anyone we want!
 
</poem><poem>'''Scruffy''': Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.</poem>
 
:''[She leaves. Scruffy lays down on his bed, sobbing for a second.]''
:''[She leaves. Scruffy lays down on his bed, sobbing for a second.]''
:'''Scruffy''': Yep.
 
<poem>'''Scruffy''': Yep.</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''': UN building. [[Nixon]] is addressing the delegates.]''
:''['''Scene''': UN building. [[Nixon]] is addressing the delegates.]''
:'''Nixon''': Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler, Emperor Nikolai!
 
:'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai.]'' ''[He runs on stage.]'' Thanks, Nixon. How we doing?
<poem>'''Nixon''': Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler, Emperor Nikolai!
:'''Ambassador''': I love you, Your Majesty.
 
:'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai.]'' Shut up, madam ambassador, I know it. Anyhow, ''[He clears his throat.]'' I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say, "I'm done". ''[The ambassadors cheer.]''
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai.]'' ''[He runs on stage.]'' Thanks, Nixon. How we doing?
:'''Basil''': ''[He jumps onto the stage and holds Bender at sword-point.]'' Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is an impostor! ''[The ambassadors all gasp. The Japanese puts his hand to his translator and listens. After a moment, he gasps. Basil turns on his sword.]'' I shall enjoy this.
 
:'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai.]'' Not me.
</poem><poem>'''Ambassador''': I love you, Your Majesty.
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai.]'' Shut up, madam ambassador, I know it. Anyhow, ''[He clears his throat.]'' I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say, "I'm done". ''[The ambassadors cheer.]''
 
</poem><poem>'''Basil''': ''[He jumps onto the stage and holds Bender at sword-point.]'' Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is an impostor! ''[The ambassadors all gasp. The Japanese puts his hand to his translator and listens. After a moment, he gasps. Basil turns on his sword.]'' I shall enjoy this.
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai.]'' Not me.</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''': Circus Roboticus. Everyone is watching what is happening in the UN building on a [[TV Robot]]]''
:''['''Scene''': Circus Roboticus. Everyone is watching what is happening in the UN building on a [[TV Robot]]]''
:'''Chainsaw-Eating Robot''': That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor.
 
:'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Bender’s body.]'' You're Robo-Hungarian?
<poem>'''Chainsaw-Eating Robot''': That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor.
:'''Robot Carny''': Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies.
 
:'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai.]'' If only there was some way I could get to the UN to help.
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Bender’s body.]'' You're Robo-Hungarian?
:'''Bertha''': There is. Get in, Nonchalanto.
 
:'''Chainsaw-Eating Robot''': Bertha, no! It would kill you!
</poem><poem>'''Robot Carny''': Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies.
:'''Bertha''': I have not so much time left anyhow.
 
:'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai.]'' But you could get a new body! You could live a rich, full life!
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai.]'' If only there was some way I could get to the UN to help.
:'''Berha''': I am ''trying'' to have a rich, full life. ''[The Chainsaw-Eating Robot lights the fuse.]'' Long live Robo-Hungary! ''[The impact breaks Bertha's barrel. She groans and is caught by the Chainsaw-Eating Robot.]''
 
</poem><poem>'''Bertha''': There is. Get in, Nonchalanto.
 
</poem><poem>'''Chainsaw-Eating Robot''': Bertha, no! It would kill you!
 
</poem><poem>'''Bertha''': I have not so much time left anyhow.
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai.]'' But you could get a new body! You could live a rich, full life!
 
</poem><poem>'''Berha''': I am ''trying'' to have a rich, full life. ''[The Chainsaw-Eating Robot lights the fuse.]'' Long live Robo-Hungary! ''[The impact breaks Bertha's barrel. She groans and is caught by the Chainsaw-Eating Robot.]''</poem>
 
:''[The Professor is shot through the air, across the city, and lands in the UN building.]''
:''[The Professor is shot through the air, across the city, and lands in the UN building.]''
:'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai.]'' Me! Thank God you've come!
 
:'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Bender’s body.]'' ''[He pulls out his own sword.]'' This is for Big Bertha. ''[He missed and gets the sword stuck in a podium.]'' That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha.
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai.]'' Me! Thank God you've come!
 
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Bender’s body.]'' ''[He pulls out his own sword.]'' This is for Big Bertha. ''[He missed and gets the sword stuck in a podium.]'' That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha.</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''': [[Leela's Apartment]]. Leela and Fry are in bed.''
:''['''Scene''': [[Leela's Apartment]]. Leela and Fry are in bed.''
:'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' That was nice.
 
:'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' Oh, yeah. ''[Leela turns on the TV and sees what is happening in the UN They both gasp. Fry's crest pops up.]''
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' That was nice.
 
</poem><poem>'''Fry''': ''[in Zoidberg’s body.]'' Oh, yeah. ''[Leela turns on the TV and sees what is happening in the UN They both gasp. Fry's crest pops up.]''</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''': UN building. The Professor and Basil are still dueling. The Professor gets his foot caught in Nixon's jar.]''
:''['''Scene''': UN building. The Professor and Basil are still dueling. The Professor gets his foot caught in Nixon's jar.]''
:'''Nixon''': Ow. Ow. Arrooo! ''[He gets thrown off-stage and his jar shatters.]''
 
<poem>'''Nixon''': Ow. Ow. Arrooo! ''[He gets thrown off-stage and his jar shatters.]''</poem>
 
:''[Basil disarms the Professor. The Professor's sword flies off and cleaves the Japanese Ambassador's arm off. The Japanese puts his hand to his translator and listens. After a moment, he gasps.]''  
:''[Basil disarms the Professor. The Professor's sword flies off and cleaves the Japanese Ambassador's arm off. The Japanese puts his hand to his translator and listens. After a moment, he gasps.]''  
:'''Basil''': Thoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. ''[He trips the Professor.]'' I like killing brave things.
 
:'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Bender’s body.]'' Good, Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter. ''[He opens his chest cabinet and the carnies fly out and mow down Basil.]''
<poem>'''Basil''': Thoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. ''[He trips the Professor.]'' I like killing brave things.
:'''Boy''': When I grow up, I wanna be a diplomat!
 
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Bender’s body.]'' Good, Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter. ''[He opens his chest cabinet and the carnies fly out and mow down Basil.]''
 
</poem><poem>'''Boy''': When I grow up, I wanna be a diplomat!</poem>
 
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express. Leela's body is back to normal.]''
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express. Leela's body is back to normal.]''
:'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai.]'' Well, if they're is one thing I learned, it's a lesson. I believe this belongs to you. ''[He reaches into his chest cabinet and takes out a phony crown. He puts it on Nikolai's head.]''
 
:'''Nikolai''': ''[in Wash bucket’s body.]'' I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery.
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai.]'' Well, if they're is one thing I learned, it's a lesson. I believe this belongs to you. ''[He reaches into his chest cabinet and takes out a phony crown. He puts it on Nikolai's head.]''
:'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai.]'' Yeah, good luck with that.
 
:'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body.
</poem><poem>'''Nikolai''': ''[in Wash bucket’s body.]'' I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery.
:'''Hermes''': ''[in Leela’s body.]'' I was inspired by Amy. ''[Hermes's body has lost most of its fat.]''
 
:'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Wow! How did you do it.
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ''[in Nikolai.]'' Yeah, good luck with that.
:'''Amy''': ''[in Hermes’s body.]'' Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. ''[Leela strokes Fry's mouth flaps.]'' Forever.
 
:'''[["Sweet" Clyde Dixon|Sweet Clyde]]''': ''[He is working on an equation. Q to the E to the D!
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body.
:'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Bender’s body.]'' So it is possible us all to get back to our original bodies?
 
:'''[[Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate|Bubblegum]]''': Stone-cold munching, Prof. Sweet Clyde, characterize your inversion theorem.
</poem><poem>'''Hermes''': ''[in Leela’s body.]'' I was inspired by Amy. ''[Hermes's body has lost most of its fat.]''
:'''Sweet Clyde''': Basically, no matter how permuted-up your minds are, they can be restored using, at most, two extra players. ''[He and Bubblegum high-five.]''
 
:'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Bender’s body.]'' And they say pure math has no real-world applications!
</poem><poem>'''Leela''': ''[in Farnsworth’s body.]'' Wow! How did you do it.
 
</poem><poem>'''Amy''': ''[in Hermes’s body.]'' Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. ''[Leela strokes Fry's mouth flaps.]'' Forever.
 
</poem><poem>'''[["Sweet" Clyde Dixon|Sweet Clyde]]''': ''[He is working on an equation. Q to the E to the D!
 
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Bender’s body.]'' So it is possible us all to get back to our original bodies?
 
</poem><poem>'''[[Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate|Bubblegum]]''': Stone-cold munching, Prof. Sweet Clyde, characterize your inversion theorem.
 
</poem><poem>'''Sweet Clyde''': Basically, no matter how permuted-up your minds are, they can be restored using, at most, two extra players. ''[He and Bubblegum high-five.]''
 
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[in Bender’s body.]'' And they say pure math has no real-world applications!</poem>
 
:''[A montage occurs where everyone is restored back to their original bodies.]''
:''[A montage occurs where everyone is restored back to their original bodies.]''
:'''Sweet Clyde''': Everybody back in their zones? ''[The crew gives various affirmations.]]
 
:'''Farnsworth''': Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde. You'll win the {{w|NBA}}’s highest academic honor for this.
<poem>'''Sweet Clyde''': Everybody back in their zones? ''[The crew gives various affirmations.]]
:'''Nikolai''': Also, I am making you a {{w|duke}}. ''[He pins a medal to Clyde jersey.]'' So long filthy commoners.
 
:'''Bender''': ¡Adios! And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside... ''[He checks his chest cabinet.]'' His compartment!
</poem><poem>'''Farnsworth''': Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde. You'll win the {{w|NBA}}’s highest academic honor for this.
 
</poem><poem>'''Nikolai''': Also, I am making you a {{w|duke}}. ''[He pins a medal to Clyde jersey.]'' So long filthy commoners.
 
</poem><poem>'''Bender''': ¡Adios! And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside... ''[He checks his chest cabinet.]'' His compartment!</poem>
 
:''[Closing Credits.]''
:''[Closing Credits.]''
:'''Bender''': ''[Over credits.]'' All right. I'll need accomplices.
 
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[Over credits.]'' All right. I'll need accomplices.</poem>


{{navigation bottom/transcript
{{navigation bottom/transcript

Revision as of 04:11, 20 March 2011

Transcript for
The Prisoner of Benda
Written byKen Keeler
Transcribed byTeyrn of Highever


Linda: Tonight, at 11:00.

Morbo: Doom!

[Opening Credits: What happens in Cygnus X-1 Stays in Cygnus X-1.]
[Scene: Planet Express, Lounge. Leela is looking at herself in a hand-held mirror.]

Leela: Boy, that thing's big. Fry, is my colossal eye too big?

[The rest of the crew is watching TV.]

Fry: No, it's what makes you you.

Leela: But it's so round, so hideously round.

Fry: Leela, listen. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known.

Leela: Oh. So you only care about my looks?

Fry: No, I.... What?

Linda: [on TV.] Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as Nikolai, playboy ruler of the Robo-Hungarian Empire, arrived on his extravagant, caviar-powered yacht.

Nikolai: [on TV.] I'm just a humble emperor, with a big, big crown!

Bender: [He turns off the TV.] Of course I'm not planning to steal that crown!

Leela: What?

Bender: True. I've always dreamed of being an emperor. You know, for Halloween, and then forever. But heisting those jewels would be difficult.

Leela: You'd be stupid to try.

Bender: I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard.

Amy: Never! [She walks away.]

Bender: A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires.

Zoidberg Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job. [He takes an eel out of a bucket label "Aquariam Garbage" and wraps it around himself like a cravat.]

Bender: And finally, a chump, to be caught on video and later arrested.

Fry: As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day, I'm through being the chump.

Bender: Of course, it would all take split-second robotic timing. That's were I come in. You see, I own a watch. [He pulls out a pocket watch.]

[Scene: Planet Express, The Professor's lab. Amy and Prof. Farnsworth are cleaning a machine.]

Farnsworth: There. This time I'm sure I've fixed the mind-switcher.

Amy: Good, I'm sick of cleaning up those heaps of dead monkeys. But why would you want your mind in a new body?

Farnsworth: Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life.

Amy: Like the heaps of dead monkeys?

Farnsworth: Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe.

Amy: I wasted my youth porking out.

Farnsworth: Yes, I remember. [He points to a picture of a fat Amy, captioned "2997 employee of the year".]

Amy: Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry.

Farnsworth: Funny, I could use a extra meat on my bones. [He moves his coat and shows that he is just skin and bones.] Wait a second, if we switch bodies, I could live life to the extreme, and you could indulge your demonic food lust.

Amy: [She gasps.] We are just the people this mind-switcher was made for by us! [They sit in the chairs.] Wait, can I still change my mind?

Farnsworth: Let's find out. [He pushes a button.]

Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] It didn't work you doddering old [She gasps.]

Farnsworth: [in Amy’s body.] Ah! Cartilage! Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga! I'm off to laugh at the Reaper. [He shuffles off. Cut to a mountain where he is party boarding. He hits a rock face and snow falls on him. Cut to Planet Express. Amy is eating Bologna substitute from a squeeze bottle.] I'm sorry, Amy, but your body is just not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping everything way. Now quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back to our original bodies.

Bender: Body switcher, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies.

[Amy and the Professor sit in the machine. The Professor presses the body.] but the machine starts beeping. He presses multiple times.]

Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Professor, what's not happening?

Farnsworth: [in Amy’s body.] Bad news, me. [He presses a button and a diagram of their brains comes up.] I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response.

Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] You idiot!

Farnsworth: [in Amy’s body.] Once two bodies have switch minds, they can never switch back. [A dramatic cord plays as Amy covers her mouth.] However, maybe they can. Maybe we can swap back by using a third body.] for temporary storage space.

Bender: I'm 60% storage space. [He bangs his chassis.]

Farnsworth: [in Amy’s body.] Eh, wha? [He and Bender sit in the machine and switch bodies.]

Bender: [in Amy’s body.] Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. [He takes the pocket watch out of the Professor's chest cabinet.]

Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] See ya!

Farnsworth [in Bender’s body.]: Now then Amy, we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body.], but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did.

Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Oh no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies?

Farnsworth [in Bender’s body.]’’: I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use... MATH.

[Scene: NNY. Harbor. Bender is swimming to Nikolai's yacht.]

Bender: [in Amy’s body.] Stupid, air-needing lungs. [He climbs onto the boat. He gasps.] The crown jewels. Now I just need to find the guard and seduce him in... [He checks the watch.] Four seconds?

Basil: Who goes there?

Bender: [in Amy’s body.] [Counting down.] Three, two, one. Hello big boy. [He comes out, imitating porn music and dancing.]

Basil: Silence! I am Basil, the emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I will not be seduced by a... [He gets punched and falls down.]]

Bender: [in Amy’s body.] I said, "Wow chica wow wow".

[Scene: Planet Express. Amy, in Farnsworth’s body, is eating ribs. She throws the bone away and mutters in Cantonese.]

Leela: Professor, what's the matter.

Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies.

Leela: Oh, lord.

Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon.

Leela: At least, you get the senior discount at the movies, I hate paying $14 to see Nicholas Cage solve things.

Amy: [in Farnsworth’s body.] If you want to save $2 dollars, we could switch bodies.

Leela: We could always switch back, right? [Amy grins.]

[Scene: Planet Express, Lounge. Amy, in Leela's body, is deep-frying something.]

Fry: Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated?

Amy: [in Leela’s body.] Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly baconed.

Fry: Woah. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat.

Amy: [in Leela’s body.] I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. [She puts ketchup on her "creation".

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Not exactly. [Fry makes a revolted sound.] Aha! You do only like me for my body.

Fry: That is entirely not true, sir!

[Scene: Nikolai's yacht. Bender has Basil tied up.]

Bender: [in Amy's body.] Now to switch bodies with Zoidberg, sneak past the metal detector and clip the alarm wires, all in less than... [He checks the watch.] Ten minutes ago! Oh! [He throws the watch through the metal detector, setting it off. Alarms sound and lights focus on him. Nikolai walks up behind him and cocks a gun.] Uh, could you come back when my chump gets here?

[Time Lapse. Basil is free and removing the last of the binding.]

Nikolai: Now then, what is a filthy human doing aboard my royal yacht?

Bender: [in Amy’s body.] With all due respect, Your Majesty, I'm a robot like you. I just switch bodies with some bimbo. Go ahead, ask me anything a robot would know.

Nikolai: Ah, a reverse Turing test, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine?

Bender: [in Amy’s body.] Hold on, let me just get out a pencil. [He sighs.] Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind. [He starts beat boxing and Moonwalking.

Basil: He steps forwards but moves backwards.

Nikolai: By the gods! he is a machine!

[Scene: Planet Express, the Professor's lab.]

Farnsworth: [in Bender’s body.] No, that won't restore everyone, either. Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back! I'm running away with this invincible robot body and joining something!

[Scene: Circus Roboticus. Inside a tent.]

Fishy Joe: I paid for 15 Robot Clowns per cubic meter of car, and you're barely giving me 12. Now crumple up and get in... And fasten your seat belts.

Robot Clown: Oh, come on!

Farnsworth: [in Bender’s body.] Good day. I am Nonchalanto, the robot daredevil. And my dream is to risk my life in strange and original ways.

Fishy Joe: Hmm. You don't look for foolhardy to me.

[The Professor takes the 5 of spades and puts it in his mouth. He unscrews his head and puts in on a lever. He jumps on to the opposing end, launching his head into the air. He takes an out automatic rifle and shoots at his head. His head lands in his neck and he shows Fishy the card. He shot through each of the spades.]

Fishy Joe: That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done. Your hired! [A robot traipse artist falls to the ground.]

[Scene: Nikolai's yacht. Bender and Nikolai are talking.]

Nikolai: So you’re a common bending robot with a human peasant roommate?

Bender: [in Amy’s body.] [in Amy’s body.] Oh, crap, that is what I am!

Nikolai: No, Bender, I envy you. I'm so bored with all of these pretentious trappings. The jewels, the parties, the beautiful robo women.

Princess Flavia: Hello.

[Bender's jaw drops.]

Nikolai: My fiancée, Princess Flavia. Dearest, meet Bender. He's a robot in the body of Chinese Martian physicist.

Flavia: How tedious. [She walks off.]

Nikolai: Oh, to escape this gilded cage for a day.

Bender: [in Amy’s body.] You know, we could trade bodies. I could take over the humdrum royal stuff and you could be an regular Joe for a day. [He stares at the crown.] Or more. Much more.

Nikolai: In that horrible non-robot body. Sir, I have my standards.

Bender: [in Amy’s body.] Ah, but what if I could put you in my fabulous bending-robot body?

Nikolai: [He giggles.] Me, posing as a lowly bending unit? How wicked! But wait, I'm supposed to give a speech at the UN tomorrow. Can I trust you to do it?

Bender: [in Amy’s body.] You can trust anything.

[Scene Planet Express, hanger.]

Fry So now Leela's all crotchety because she thinks I'm not attracted to her in the Professor's body.

Hermes: You aren't, are you?

Fry: Of course not! But I was willing to lie about it. What more can a man do?

Hermes: A man can give her a toke of her own medicine.

Fry: Yes! I can put my mind in a hideous body and show Leela she's not attracted to me. But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body.

Zoidberg: Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus! [He shows them.]

Hermes: The long search is over.

[Scene Outside Planet Express.]

Bender: [in Amy’s body] Wait here and earn interest while I find my robot body.

[Scene' Planet Express, lounge. Leela, in Farnsworth’s body is reading Great Hamsters and Gerbils. Scruffy and Wash bucket are mopping the floor.]

Bender: [in Amy’s body.] Professor?

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Leela. Amy?

Bender: [in Amy’s body.] Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it.

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Yeah, he said something about running away. Then he ran away.

Bender: [in Amy’s body.] What? Wither?

[Scene Circus Roboticus. Farnsworth in Bender’s body is attempting to land on a target carried by the Robot Clowns. They attempt to get under him but he lands in the audience. The audience cheers.]

Bender: [in Amy’s body.] What am I gonna do? I got an emperor all patsied up to switch bodies, but only with another robot!

Wash bucket: Wash bucket full.

Scruffy: Scruffy's work here is done. [He props up the mop and goes to the couch. He lies down and starts reading Extra-Long Honkers.]

Bender: [in Amy’s body.] [He looks at Wash bucket calculatingly. Cut to the Professor's lab where he and Wash bucket switch bodies.]

Bender: [in Wash bucket’s body.] Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof.

Wash bucket: [in Amy’s body.] Now to find Scruffy. [She walks past Fry and Zoidberg.]

Zoidberg: Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. [He and Fry switch bodies.]

Fry: [in Zoidberg’s body.] In your face, Leela. [He walks out, past Nikolai and Bender Wash bucket’s body.]

Nikolai: If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water?

Bender: [in Wash bucket’s body.] If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move over Fry. [He pushes Zoidberg out of his seat and switches with Nikolai.]

Bender: [in Nikolai’s body.] Well, so long.

Nikolai: [in Wash bucket’s body.] Wait! Point me to my normal human roommate!

Bender: [in Nikolai’s body.] That's him there, maybe. [He points to Zoidberg.] Got to go!

Zoidberg: [in Fry’s body] Robot?

Nikolai: [in Wash bucket’s body.] Yes, 'tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend?

Zoidberg: [in Fry’s body.] Aha! The guy in this body has a friend! Bender, old pal! It's me, the Fry! [He hugs Nikolai.]

[Scene Planet Express, meeting room. Leela, in the Professor's body, is talking on the phone.]

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] But then Nicholas Cage discovered that the real treasure was his family. Yes, I'll hold.

Fry: [in Zoidberg’s body.] Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg.

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] [She put a hand over her right eye.] Fry?

Fry: [in Zoidberg’s body.] Oh, you're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? [He makes tentacles come out his armpits.]

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] [She gags.] Not at all. [The door opens. Amy has made Leela's body overweight. She unwraps some butter and eats it.] Amy, stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float!

Fry: [in Zoidberg’s body.] Eww! look at her! [Amy leave the room.]

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight?

Fry: [in Zoidberg’s body.] That wasn't a little extra weight.

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all!

Fry: [in Zoidberg’s body.] No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me!

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Would not!

Fry: [in Zoidberg’s body.] Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic date at Elzar's tonight.

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] It's on.

[Scene Planet Express, lounge. Amy is still eating butter.]

Hermes: Sweet ocra of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert!

Amy: [in Leela’s body.] I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter?

Hermes: I am putting a stop to this, right now! Come on We're switching bodies.

Amy: [in Leela’s body.] Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too!

Hermes: Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

[Scene Circus Roboticus. A poster is advertising Nonchalanto. A robot turns on a chainsaw and eats it. The Professor eats a lit bomb.]

Big Bertha: You make quite a show, young man. [A robot Howitzer rolls in.] You remind me of myself as a young cannon.

Chainsaw-Eating Robot: Big Bertha is the circus's grande dame. She shoots robots through the air.

Bertha: [She belches and shoots a robot into the air.] Excuse me. Too much goulash.

Farnsworth: [in Bender’s body.] I've always wanted to be shot out of something. How about a quick blast after lunch.

Bertha: Alas, a fine big one like you would shatter my barrel. But, ah, to amaze the crowd once more.

Farnsworth: [in Bender’s body.] I understand the problem of age, but suppose I could put you into a new body?

Bertha: Never! I body may be old, but it is mine, and every crack a memory of heavy things shot a long way. [She rolls away.]

[Scene Nikolai's yacht. Bender, in Nikolai's body pours a glass of jewels and drinks.]

Bender: [in Nikolai’s body.] Ah! I have everything I every wanted. Money, wealth, riches. Yet something's missing. A hot princess with which to get grizzly,

Flavia: [She walks in front of Bender.]

Bender: [in Nikolai’s body.] Hello, baby! [She pulls out a gun.] Huh? Hey, what's going on here? And why are you kissing my dashing cousin instead of me?

Flavia: Nikolai, you imperial fool! We've been having an affair for 700 years.

Basil: At long last, I shall kill you, blame the burglar and inherit the throne. [He pulls out a sword. Bender spits the jewels out.]

Flavia: Farewell, Nikolai.

Bender: [in Nikolai’s body.] Wait! I'm not Nikolai! I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar. [He moonwalks.]

Basil: So you are. However, you do have Nikolai's body, and that's the part we want to kill. [He turns on the sword. It works like a chain saw. Basil forces Bender to back up and fall overboard.]

[Scene Elzar's Fine Cuisine. Leela, in the Professor's body, and Fry, in Zoidberg's body, are having their date.]

Fry: [in Zoidberg’s body.] Great food, huh? [He burps out of his gills. The rest of the restaurant groans in disgust,]

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Ew!

Fry: [in Zoidberg’s body.] I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me.

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] No, it only makes you more attractive. [She spits her dentures into her wine glass. Everyone watching groans again.

Fry: [in Zoidberg’s body.] Ew!

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Oh, did my bodily infirmity embarrass you?

Fry: [in Zoidberg’s body.] Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady.

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] You mean, like my penis? [Fry gags and a worm comes out of his mouth.] Eh!

Fry: [in Zoidberg’s body.] Admit it! You're disgusted by me!

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] No, you're disgusted by me!

Fry: [in Zoidberg’s body.] I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been!

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Prove it! [They start making out while the other restaurant goers scream. Pan over to Amy, in Hermes's body, watching them. The ice cream she is about to eat falls onto the table.]

[Scene Robot Arms Apartments.]

Zoidberg: [in Fry's body.] Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in everyday. [He opens the door and looks inside.] A floor? We live like kings?

Nikolai: [in Wash bucket’s body.] Kings? Silence! Like you, I'm a common lout. Now fetch me some working-class cognac from our brandy storeroom that you know how to find.

Zoidberg: [in Fry's body.] [He starts looking in the dishwasher, which he breaks and rips off the wall. Nikolai screams as the kitchen starts to flood.] Relax, Bender. I'll dry up that leak with this heating box. [He rips the oven off the wall and places it where the dishwasher was. Gas starts leaking.]

Nikolai: [in Wash bucket’s body.] [Finding cigars in a cabinet.] Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend. [Zoidberg pulls out a lighter. Cut to outside where a fireball shoots out of the building. Bender, in Nikolai's body, runs past. Basil and Flavia are chasing him. Two robots walk in front of Bender.]

Robot: There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the UN

Bender: [in Nikolai.] The what now? [Laser blasts hit the robots. Bender screams and runs away.]

[Scene Planet Express. Scruffy is reading Janitor's Quarterly. Someone walks into to his room.]

Scruffy: Miss Wong?

Wash bucket: [in Amy’s body.] No, Scruffy, I am Wash bucket. I love you. Wash bucket has always loved you. [They kiss but Scruffy pulls away.]

Scruffy: It's wrong, Wash bucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment.

Wash bucket: [in Amy’s body.] In another city, we could be anyone we want!

Scruffy: Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

[She leaves. Scruffy lays down on his bed, sobbing for a second.]

Scruffy: Yep.

[Scene: UN building. Nixon is addressing the delegates.]

Nixon: Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler, Emperor Nikolai!

Bender: [in Nikolai.] [He runs on stage.] Thanks, Nixon. How we doing?

Ambassador: I love you, Your Majesty.

Bender: [in Nikolai.] Shut up, madam ambassador, I know it. Anyhow, [He clears his throat.] I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say, "I'm done". [The ambassadors cheer.]

Basil: [He jumps onto the stage and holds Bender at sword-point.] Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is an impostor! [The ambassadors all gasp. The Japanese puts his hand to his translator and listens. After a moment, he gasps. Basil turns on his sword.] I shall enjoy this.

Bender: [in Nikolai.] Not me.

[Scene: Circus Roboticus. Everyone is watching what is happening in the UN building on a TV Robot]

Chainsaw-Eating Robot: That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor.

Farnsworth: [in Bender’s body.] You're Robo-Hungarian?

Robot Carny: Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies.

Bender: [in Nikolai.] If only there was some way I could get to the UN to help.

Bertha: There is. Get in, Nonchalanto.

Chainsaw-Eating Robot: Bertha, no! It would kill you!

Bertha: I have not so much time left anyhow.

Bender: [in Nikolai.] But you could get a new body! You could live a rich, full life!

Berha: I am trying to have a rich, full life. [The Chainsaw-Eating Robot lights the fuse.] Long live Robo-Hungary! [The impact breaks Bertha's barrel. She groans and is caught by the Chainsaw-Eating Robot.]

[The Professor is shot through the air, across the city, and lands in the UN building.]

Bender: [in Nikolai.] Me! Thank God you've come!

Farnsworth: [in Bender’s body.] [He pulls out his own sword.] This is for Big Bertha. [He missed and gets the sword stuck in a podium.] That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha.

[Scene: Leela's Apartment. Leela and Fry are in bed.

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] That was nice.

Fry: [in Zoidberg’s body.] Oh, yeah. [Leela turns on the TV and sees what is happening in the UN They both gasp. Fry's crest pops up.]

[Scene: UN building. The Professor and Basil are still dueling. The Professor gets his foot caught in Nixon's jar.]

Nixon: Ow. Ow. Arrooo! [He gets thrown off-stage and his jar shatters.]

[Basil disarms the Professor. The Professor's sword flies off and cleaves the Japanese Ambassador's arm off. The Japanese puts his hand to his translator and listens. After a moment, he gasps.]

Basil: Thoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. [He trips the Professor.] I like killing brave things.

Farnsworth: [in Bender’s body.] Good, Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter. [He opens his chest cabinet and the carnies fly out and mow down Basil.]

Boy: When I grow up, I wanna be a diplomat!

[Scene: Planet Express. Leela's body is back to normal.]

Bender: [in Nikolai.] Well, if they're is one thing I learned, it's a lesson. I believe this belongs to you. [He reaches into his chest cabinet and takes out a phony crown. He puts it on Nikolai's head.]

Nikolai: [in Wash bucket’s body.] I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery.

Bender: [in Nikolai.] Yeah, good luck with that.

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body.

Hermes: [in Leela’s body.] I was inspired by Amy. [Hermes's body has lost most of its fat.]

Leela: [in Farnsworth’s body.] Wow! How did you do it.

Amy: [in Hermes’s body.] Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. [Leela strokes Fry's mouth flaps.] Forever.

Sweet Clyde: [He is working on an equation. Q to the E to the D!

Farnsworth: [in Bender’s body.] So it is possible us all to get back to our original bodies?

Bubblegum: Stone-cold munching, Prof. Sweet Clyde, characterize your inversion theorem.

Sweet Clyde: Basically, no matter how permuted-up your minds are, they can be restored using, at most, two extra players. [He and Bubblegum high-five.]

Farnsworth: [in Bender’s body.] And they say pure math has no real-world applications!

[A montage occurs where everyone is restored back to their original bodies.]

Sweet Clyde: Everybody back in their zones? [The crew gives various affirmations.]]

Farnsworth: Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde. You'll win the NBA’s highest academic honor for this.

Nikolai: Also, I am making you a duke. [He pins a medal to Clyde jersey.] So long filthy commoners.

Bender: ¡Adios! And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside... [He checks his chest cabinet.] His compartment!

[Closing Credits.]

Bender: [Over credits.] All right. I'll need accomplices.