Transcript:The Silence of the Clamps

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Transcript for
The Silence of the Clamps
Written byEric Rogers
Transcribed bySanfazer and Jasonbres


[Note: This transcript is based on an Easter egg from Volume 5 (Section #1) and on the video from the Countdown to Futurama post Magnificent Squeezers of 17 June, 2011 (Section #2).]

Section #1

[Scene: Wedding party. Bender walks by guests' tables wearing a jogging suit and gold chains with his antenna slicked back. He points at random guests.]

Bender: Ay! Oh! [Bender takes a beer bottle from a waiter.] Piscopo! [Bender points to Mayor Poopenmeyer, who is with the Queen of Yonkers.] This guy! [Bender stops walking and drinks from the bottle. He then sees a seductive-looking fembot wearing a wedding veil and gown and gasps.] Babba-boing! [Bender's antenna slicks straight. Bender walks over to the fembot, who is already dancing with a manbot.] Hey, sexy. I'm Bender. What brings you to this tacky soirée?

Fembot: I'm the bride!

Bender: Oops. [Bender slinks away and sees Fanny.] How 'bout you, baby? Wanna do it?

[Fanny turns around as the camera zooms out to reveal that she is dancing with the Donbot.]

Fanny: Bender, it's me, Fanny!

Bender: You who?

Fanny: The Donbot's wife? We had an affair?

Bender: An affair, huh? [Bender shrugs.] Sounds like me. [to himself] Geez, I'd better be a little more careful. I don't wanna hit on anybody I already had sex with.

[A ringing sound gets Bender's attention. It is caused by the collision between a fembot's bell-shaped dress and her legs. The camera zooms out as the fembot passes by Fanny and the Donbot.]

Fanny: Hiya, Bella.

[Bella waves.]

Bella: Hi, Mom.

Bender: What about you? You're my third choice.

[Bella giggles and, as she nudges towards Bender, makes a deeper ringing sound.]
[Scene: Outside the wedding party. The camera pans over to a barn labelled STABLES. A lot of ringing is heard coming from the barn.]
[Cut to: Inside a closet in the Stables barn. Bender is now stripped of his jogging suit and chains. He and Bella are making love.]

Bella: Oh, Bender! This is all happening too slowly. Let's get married!

Bender: Quiet! I'm makin' out with a floozy! [Bender resumes making love, but hears a noise and stops suddenly.] Hold your clapper. Someone's comin'!

[Cut to: Outside the closet. There is a sign that says SEA OATS. Bender peers from the door and sees Calculon being carried off by Clamps and Joey Mousepad. The Donbot follows them holding a package. They stop under a sign that says DO NOT PUT SEAHORSES AWAY DRY.]

Calculon: Donbot, please. I'll pay you back as soon as you lend me some more money.

Donbot: Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this... Because Clamps will be doin' it. [The Donbot opens the package and pulls out a pair of clamps.] Clamps, here are your new clamps.

[Clamps lifts up his clamps to reveal that they are old and rusty.]

Clamps: Clamps!

[Clamps accepts his new clamps, replaces his old ones with them off camera, and takes them for a spin.]

Calculon: No. [Calculon cowers away.] No! [Calculon looks to his right.] Line?

[Bender is still peering from the door in shock as Clamps does his clamping silhouetted.]

Calculon: [continued, extendedly, screaming] No!

[Bella leans in.]

Bella: Yeah, Daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses... [Bender looks horrified.] [musical sting] And guys who mess around with his daughter...

[Cut to: Inside the closet. Bender looks even more horrified and trembles.] [musical sting]

Bella: [continued] And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe.

[Bender opens his chest cabinet and takes out a pan of steaming hot meatballs. He looks yet even more horrified.] [musical sting]

Section #2

[Scene: The Planet Express locker room. Clamps mutters while using his locker.]

Clamps: Four stinkin' years of clampin' school for this?

[Clamps shuts his locker's door and continues muttering. Zoidberg approaches him.]

Zoidberg: Greetings, Francis. Sorry if I was a little hostile before, but snipping is the only reason I'm even tolerated around here. Not like you, with those magnificent squeezers!

Clamps: Squeezers? Squeezers?! They're clamps, you [beep sound]. [Clamps grabs Zoidberg by the neck and pushes him up against the lockers.] And if I wanna [beep sound] snip with these clamps, I will snip with these [beep sound] clamps. [Zoidberg begins suffocating.] Why do you think they call me— [Professor Farnsworth enters.] Francis?

[Clamps lets go of Zoidberg.]
Futurama transcripts
1ACV
(Season 1)		 "Space Pilot 3000" • "The Series Has Landed" • "I, Roommate" • "Love's Labours Lost in Space" • "Fear of a Bot Planet" • "A Fishful of Dollars" • "My Three Suns" • "A Big Piece of Garbage" • "Hell Is Other Robots" • "A Flight to Remember" • "Mars University" • "When Aliens Attack" • "Fry and the Slurm Factory"
2ACV
(Season 2)		 "I Second that Emotion" • "Brannigan, Begin Again" • "A Head in the Polls" • "Xmas Story" • "Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?" • "The Lesser of Two Evils" • "Put Your Head on My Shoulders" • "Raging Bender" • "A Bicyclops Built for Two" • "A Clone of My Own" • "How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back" • "The Deep South" • "Bender Gets Made" • "Mother's Day" • "The Problem with Popplers" • "Anthology of Interest I" • "War Is the H-Word" • "The Honking" • "The Cryonic Woman"
3ACV
(Season 3)		 "Amazon Women in the Mood" • "Parasites Lost" • "A Tale of Two Santas" • "The Luck of the Fryrish" • "The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz" • "Bendless Love" • "The Day the Earth Stood Stupid" • "That's Lobstertainment!" • "The Cyber House Rules" • "Where the Buggalo Roam" • "Insane in the Mainframe" • "The Route of All Evil" • "Bendin' in the Wind" • "Time Keeps on Slippin'" • "I Dated a Robot" • "A Leela of Her Own" • "A Pharaoh to Remember" • "Anthology of Interest II" • "Roswell that Ends Well" • "Godfellas" • "Future Stock" • "The 30% Iron Chef"
4ACV
(Season 4)		 "Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch" • "Leela's Homeworld" • "Love and Rocket" • "Less than Hero" • "A Taste of Freedom" • "Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television" • "Jurassic Bark" • "Crimes of the Hot" • "Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles" • "The Why of Fry" • "Where No Fan Has Gone Before" • "The Sting" • "Bend Her" • "Obsoletely Fabulous" • "The Farnsworth Parabox" • "Three Hundred Big Boys" • "Spanish Fry" • "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings"
5ACV
(Season 5)
Bender's Big Score The Beast with a Billion Backs Bender's Game Into the Wild Green Yonder
Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4
6ACV
(Season 6)		 "Rebirth" • "In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela" • "Attack of the Killer App" • "Proposition Infinity" • "The Duh-Vinci Code" • "Lethal Inspection" • "The Late Philip J. Fry" • "That Darn Katz!" • "A Clockwork Origin" • "The Prisoner of Benda" • "Lrrreconcilable Ndndifferences" • "The Mutants Are Revolting" • "The Futurama Holiday Spectacular" • "The Silence of the Clamps" • "Möbius Dick" • "Law and Oracle" • "Benderama" • "The Tip of the Zoidberg" • "Ghost in the Machines" • "Neutopia" • "Yo Leela Leela" • "Fry Am the Egg Man" • "All the Presidents' Heads" • "Cold Warriors" • "Overclockwise" • "Reincarnation"
7ACV
(Season 7)		 "The Bots and the Bees" • "A Farewell to Arms" • "Decision 3012" • "The Thief of Baghead" • "Zapp Dingbat" • "The Butterjunk Effect" • "The Six Million Dollar Mon" • "Fun on a Bun" • "Free Will Hunting" • "Near-Death Wish" • "31st Century Fox" • "Viva Mars Vegas" • "Naturama" • "Forty Percent Leadbelly" • "2-D Blacktop" • "T.: The Terrestrial" • "Fry and Leela's Big Fling" • "The Inhuman Torch" • "Saturday Morning Fun Pit" • "Calculon 2.0" • "Assie Come Home" • "Leela and the Genestalk" • "Game of Tones" • "Murder on the Planet Express" • "Stench and Stenchibility" • "Meanwhile"
8ACV
(Season 8)		 "The Impossible Stream" • "Children of a Lesser Bog" • "How the West Was 1010001" • "Parasites Regained" • "Related to Items You've Viewed" • "I Know What You Did Next Xmas" • "Rage Against the Vaccine" • "Zapp Gets Cancelled" • "The Prince and the Product" • "All the Way Down"
S01E
(Broadcast season 1)		 "Space Pilot 3000" • "The Series Has Landed" • "I, Roommate" • "Love's Labours Lost in Space" • "Fear of a Bot Planet" • "A Fishful of Dollars" • "My Three Suns" • "A Big Piece of Garbage" • "Hell Is Other Robots"
S02E
(Broadcast season 2)		 "A Flight to Remember" • "Mars University" • "When Aliens Attack" • "Fry and the Slurm Factory" • "I Second that Emotion" • "Brannigan, Begin Again" • "A Head in the Polls" • "Xmas Story" • "Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?" • "Put Your Head on My Shoulders" • "The Lesser of Two Evils" • "Raging Bender" • "A Bicyclops Built for Two" • "How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back" • "A Clone of My Own" • "The Deep South" • "Bender Gets Made" • "The Problem with Popplers" • "Mother's Day" • "Anthology of Interest I"
S03E
(Broadcast season 3)		 "The Honking" • "War Is the H-Word" • "The Cryonic Woman" • "Parasites Lost" • "Amazon Women in the Mood" • "Bendless Love" • "The Day the Earth Stood Stupid" • "That's Lobstertainment!" • "The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz" • "The Luck of the Fryrish" • "The Cyber House Rules" • "Insane in the Mainframe" • "Bendin' in the Wind" • "Time Keeps on Slippin'" • "I Dated a Robot"
S04E
(Broadcast season 4)		 "Roswell that Ends Well" • "A Tale of Two Santas" • "Anthology of Interest II" • "Love and Rocket" • "Leela's Homeworld" • "Where the Buggalo Roam" • "A Pharaoh to Remember" • "Godfellas" • "Future Stock" • "A Leela of Her Own" • "The 30% Iron Chef" • "Where No Fan Has Gone Before"
S05E
(Broadcast season 5)		 "Crimes of the Hot" • "Jurassic Bark" • "The Route of All Evil" • "A Taste of Freedom" • "Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch" • "Less than Hero" • "Teenage Mutant Leela's Hurdles" • "The Why of Fry" • "The Sting" • "The Farnsworth Parabox" • "Three Hundred Big Boys" • "Spanish Fry" • "Bend Her" • "Obsoletely Fabulous" • "Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television" • "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings"
S06E
(Broadcast season 6)		 "Bender's Big Score Part 1" • "Bender's Big Score Part 2" • "Bender's Big Score Part 3" • "Bender's Big Score Part 4" • "The Beast with a Billion Backs Part 1" • "The Beast with a Billion Backs Part 2" • "The Beast with a Billion Backs Part 3" • "The Beast with a Billion Backs Part 4" • "Bender's Game Part 1" • "Bender's Game Part 2" • "Bender's Game Part 3" • "Bender's Game Part 4" • "Into the Wild Green Yonder Part 1" • "Into the Wild Green Yonder Part 2" • "Into the Wild Green Yonder Part 3" • "Into the Wild Green Yonder Part 4"
S07E
(Broadcast season 7)		 "Rebirth" • "In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela" • "Attack of the Killer App" • "Proposition Infinity" • "The Duh-Vinci Code" • "Lethal Inspection" • "The Late Philip J. Fry" • "That Darn Katz!" • "A Clockwork Origin" • "The Prisoner of Benda" • "Lrrreconcilable Ndndifferences" • "The Mutants Are Revolting" • "The Futurama Holiday Spectacular"
S08E
(Broadcast season 8)		 "Neutopia" • "Benderama" • "Ghost in the Machines" • "Law and Oracle" • "The Silence of the Clamps" • "Yo Leela Leela" • "All the Presidents' Heads" • "Möbius Dick" • "Fry Am the Egg Man" • "The Tip of the Zoidberg" • "Cold Warriors" • "Overclockwise" • "Reincarnation"
S09E
(Broadcast season 9)		 "The Bots and the Bees" • "A Farewell to Arms" • "Decision 3012" • "The Thief of Baghead" • "Zapp Dingbat" • "The Butterjunk Effect" • "The Six Million Dollar Mon" • "Fun on a Bun" • "Free Will Hunting" • "Near-Death Wish" • "31st Century Fox" • "Viva Mars Vegas" • "Naturama"
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