Transcript:The Thief of Baghead

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Transcript for
The Thief of Baghead
Written by	Dan Vebber
Transcribed by	Sanfazer

[Note: This transcript is based on the Countdown to Futurama post "Just Take the Damn Picture" - of 22 May 2012.]

[Scene: A room with a red floor. Zoidberg, Hermes, Amy, Fry, Leela, Farnsworth and Bender are contemplating an aquarium. The shadows of a few fish pass through those of the crew.]

Bender: Picture time! [Bender raises his left hand - which is holding his camera.] Everybody get together. [Bender takes a few steps back and points at the others with his right hand. The others complain. Bender places the camera in front of his eyes and then lowers it.] Hang on. I need a tripod. [Bender raises his right hand and then begins holding the camera with both hands again.] Lemme just extend the old third leg. [Bender becomes taller, returns to his normal height and looks at his camera.] Ooh, yeah. [Our camera zooms out - revealing two children and a man to be in front of what looks like another aquarium and Bender to have grown a leg which makes him a tripod.] That's stable, baby. Just need to pick a lens. [Bender opens his door with his left hand, takes out a lens and places it on the camera.] Let's see. Zoom lens? [Leela, Farnsworth, Amy, Hermes and Zoidberg are smiling. Fry - whose arms are up - is behind them. Bender's camera shows Farnsworth's face and teeth - which are filthy.] [off camera] Nope. [Bender removes the lens from the camera.] [on camera] They Live lens? [Bender puts the lens in his cabinet, takes out another lens and places it on the camera. The camera shows Amy and Fry looking like zombies.] [off camera] Ah. So-so. [Bender removes the lens from the camera, puts it in his cabinet and takes out another lens.] [on camera] Twilight Zone, "one minute into the future" lens?!? [Bender places the camera in front of his eyes. The camera shows Bender running after Calculon - who appears to be walking - with his three legs.] [off camera] Ooh! Calculon's going to be here. [on camera] Better get my camera ready!

[Bender begins unscrewing the lens.]

Leela: Just take the damn picture!

[Bender closes his door, points the camera at the others and presses a button.]

Bender: Lemme just adjust the focus. [Bender begins tinkering with the camera.] F-stop. Shutter speed... Oops! Outta film. [Bender opens his door and takes out a piece of film.] Hang on!

[The others begin complaining. Bender opens up the camera and puts the film in it.]

Amy: Seriously?!?

Fry: Again?

Hermes: Film? [Hermes turns to his right - which is where Leela, Farnsworth, Fry and Amy are. Zoidberg - who is to his left - looks angry. Hermes shrugs.] Who uses film? [Hermes turns to Bender.] We've had digital cameras for a thousand years!

Bender: [angry] Digital?!? [Bender turns his head to his right, spits and turns his head back.] [back to normal] No digital camera can capture [happy] the warmth and grain o' good, ol' film.

[Bender raises his camera with his right hand.]

Farnsworth: [surprised] How can you even tell?!? [Farnsworth shrugs and points at Bender with his right hand.] [angry] Your eyes are [calm] digital cameras.

References

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