Transcript:Zapp Gets Cancelled

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Transcript for
Rage Against the Vaccine
Written by	Shirin Najafi
Transcribed by	Jasonbres

[Opening Credits. Caption: If you can read this, you're too far from the screen.]

[Scene: Space. The Nimbus is being attacked.]

Zapp: Captain's log. Stardate: National Donut Day. We're under attack from a ship made of solid fire. All weapons simply pass through and come out the other end. Like that ball bearing I once mistook for a mint.




Kif: [sighs]





Zapp: It's a conundrum, Kif. Pray fetch my travel tub. I do my best thinking in the shower.

[Jump cut to Zapp in the shower. He is scrubbing himself and humming. Cut to reveal the tub in the room. One of the female soldiers is looking away with her eyes closed. Kif looks very annoyed.]

Kif: [sighs] Could you at least close the curtain, sir?

Zapp: Certainly.

[The curtain only closes the top half of his body. A loud crash is heard. Zapp peers from behind the curtain.]

Zapp: Lieutenant Kroker! You expect me to think without a loofah? Where's my loofah?

Kif: What loofah?

Zapp: You! You're the loofah!

[Zapp grabs Kif and uses him as a loofah to scrub his back. Kif makes unsatisfying noises, clearly not enjoying this.]

Zapp: Will you be quiet? I'm trying to think! [He turns up the water pressure on the shower nozzle.] Ah-ha! Water! Fire's mortal enemy! Lieutenant, fire water.

[Kif reaches for the water cannon and presses it. A giant water nozzle labeled "Dooper Soaker" emerges out of the Nimbus and aims at the fire ship. When it activates, only a single drop comes out, and the shower stops running.]

Zapp: What the? Who used up all the water?




Kif: Your shower depleted the ship's three-year supply, sir.

[The Nimbus rumbles again.]

Zapp: Well, no worries. I can end this battle with two words.

[Jump cut to Zapp in his uniform.]

Zapp: "We surrender."

Fire alien: Sign this certificate of defeat, so I can show my mom.


:[Zapp takes the certificate and blows out the fire on it.]

Zapp: Kif, my desk. [Kif bends his head down so that Zapp can use him as a desk.] I'll just put the old Zapp Hancock on it. Big confident dot on the I.

[His pen goes through Kif's skin releasing his juices. The fire alien dodges the liquid.]

Zapp: Oh-ho. You're juicier than I thought, Kif.

[Zapp squeezes Kif's head and extinguishes the fire alien. When he is fully extinguished, Zapp wrings Kif out, drips him on his forehead and hangs him on a nearby hook.]

Kif: I have had it! I'm through putting up with your... [breathes] crap! I'm filing a formal complaint!





Zapp: It's pronounced "compliment."

[Scene: The Planet Express building. Cut to the conference room, where Hermes is standing in front of the table, which has a huge cake on it. The other crew members are listening to him]

Hermes: And now, I am proud to present the monthly Only Good Employee of the Month Award.

Amy: [flatly] Yay.

Hermes: Dis month's recipient has the special distinction of also having won the award every previous month.

Fry: Do you think it's me?

[Leela looks at the Employee of the Month Wall, which is completely decorated with her photo. As we pan across the photos, we see Leela's big smile fade to a frown. Zoom out to reveal Leela showing a similar frown and Hermes taking her photo with a Polaroid, and he puts it in the frame.]

Hermes: Congratulations!

Farnsworth: Well done, Leela. You've reached the pinnacle of success in the stagnant, dead-end delivery business.




Bender: You've really hit rock top!

Leela: Thanks, everybody. It's a dream come true. A recurring dream. That I can't wake up from.

[Cut to reveal Zoidberg at the table with only one piece of cake left.]

Zoidberg: Who wants cake? There's one handful left, I'll have it. [He takes the last piece in one gulp.]

[Scene: DOOP Headquarters. The Nimbus is parked outside. On the building is the slogan "DOOP: Aim Low, Shoot First. Cut to inside, Glab is presiding over a trial between Kif and Zapp.]

Glab: I call this disciplinary hearing to order. Captain Brannigan, Lieutenant Kroker has made some serious, though somewhat amusing, allegations. Do you have counsel?

Hyperchicken: I say, I say, present!

Glab: Lieutenant Kroker, do you have counsel?

[The Hyperchicken flaps his way over to the chair next to Kif.]

Hyperchicken: Bakawk!

Glab: You're representing both sides in this case?





Hyperchicken: Till my wings give out, Your Honor.





Glad: I'm going to allow this.

Hyperchicken: Now, Mr. Kroker, please describe the horrific treatment you endured at the hands of my innocent other client there.





Kif: He took a public shower and used me to... scrub his armpit.

[The spectators gasp.]

Zapp: It was a joke. Literally everyone was laughing except Kif.

Kif: He insisted on telling me his fantasies about my wife!

Zapp: That was just locker room talk.

Kif: He wore greenface!

[The green alien members of DOOP gasp as the female one faints.]

Zapp: It was a Halloween costume.

Kif: He made me watch him perform an erotic fan dance with a ping-pong paddle and a no-show sock.

Zapp: It was a different time!

Kif: It was yesterday!

Zapp: So you admit it!

Hyperchicken: Your Honor, I have reached a verdict. I find my client, Zapp Brannigan, guilty.

Glab: I'm going to allow this. [she bangs her gavel] Captain Brannigan, there is no room in this organization for bullying and harassment. Your egregious behavior cannot…


:[Zoom out to reveal Zapp giveing her an unsolicited shoulder massage.]

Glab: Why are you massaging me?

Zapp: You just seem so tense. Also, you should smile more. You're prettier when you smile.

[She glares at Zapp]

Zapp: See? It's just nicer for everyone. [he boops her]

Glab: It is therefore this court's judgment that you face the ultimate penalty.

Zapp: Dating a woman over 35?

Glab: Zapp Brannigan, you are hereby... canceled.


:[The spectators gasp.]

Zapp: The second-worst punishment.

Glab: You will be stripped of your title while you undergo mandatory sensitivity training. And for the duration of your cancellation, you shall wear the Scarlet C.

[A DOOP soldier affixes a red "C" onto Zapp's uniform. It lights up red.]

Zapp: I object to these frivolous, paltry charges.

Hyperchicken: Frivolous poultry? You insult me, sir! Bakawk! [he slaps Zapp]

[Scene: Robot Arms Apts. Leela is in the bathroom getting ready for bed. She removes her contact lens from her eye, puts it in a fishbowl and sprays it with Optifish Lens Solution. The fish that are sprayed out of the bottle suck on the lens. Her wrist thingy then rings. She squints at it and we see her blurry point of view of the DOOP logo.]

Leela: Who is it? Poop?

Glab: Captain Turanga Leela, you put in an application to be a DOOP pilot?




Leela: Uh, yeah. Like an hour ago.

Glab: You're hired.

[Scene: The Planet Express building. The next day. Cut to the conference room where everyone is celebrating Leela.]

Zoidberg: Captain of the Nimbus! So you're gonna be Kif's commanding lobster?

Leela: Negative. Right?

Kif: Affirmative. I'm taking some family leave, so I can get bossed around by someone I like.




Amy: [handing Newt to Kif] Psst. Stinky needs changing.

Leela: But the DOOP did authorize me to bring along two trusted crew members. A first officer, which, in a bold command decision, will be Fry.





Fry: Aw, thanks, honey. I mean, Captain Honey. [salutes] Sir. [blows kiss]





Leela: And a Chief Science Officer. Professor—

Bender: [shoving the Professor out of the way] I, Bender, humbly accept this prestigious appointment. Also, it comes with double salary.

Hermes: So long and good luck, you t'ree. You have been an important part of the Planet Express family, and you'll be greatly missed.

[Fry, Leela, and Bender depart.]

Hermes: Next item of business. We have... one, two, three office chairs for sale.

[Scene: DOOP headquarters. Cut to a room with a red paper taped to it that reads, "Sensitivity training: Obtain consent before entering. Zapp approaches the receptionist.]

Zapp: I'm here for the sensitivity training, and, uh, also, do you have a better-looking sister?

Receptionist bot: Please go inside and take a seat. The training will begin shortly.

[Zapp takes his seat at a desk. Also attending are two others, Flashbot, a robot soldier, and Marlene, an older female soldier, who is slurping her drink.]

Flashbot: Howdy, cancel mates. You wanna know why I got sent here?

Marlene: Nope.

Flashbot: Indecent exposure! [laughs]

[He opens his cavity revealing a bright light. Zapp shields his eyes while Marlene continues drinking. Flashbot closes his cavity.]

Flashbot: You all saw it, right? You wanna see it again?

Marlene: I could barely see it the first time.

Flashbot: What?! [he opens his cavity again]

Marlene: I've seen brighter. [sips]

Flashbot: Yeah, well, it's not about the brightness. It's about the color temperature! [closes cavity]

Zapp: How 'bout you? What did you do?

Marlene: Meh, it was total BS. Some people "alleged" I was verbally abusive and threw food at my coworkers. I mean, a lot of people, actually.

Zapp: That's ridiculous. You're obviously not the type to waste food.

Marlene: You should talk, you family-sized bucket of lard-ass! [She hurls her cup at Zapp.]

Zapp: Ow! That hurt in more ways than one. It hurt in two ways.

[The door opens and a small greenish-brown man wearing a blue cardigan enters the room and puts the soda cup onto the desk.]

Dr. Kind: Hello, class. I'm Dr. Kind, your sensitivity instructor.

Zapp: Wow, you're ugly.





Dr. Kind: Oh! Now, we don't talk that way in here. This is a safe space. The fact is, sometimes, our words hurt other people, and we need to be made aware of how that feels. [His arms suddenly grow longer and he picks himself up until he's looking down on Zapp, and yells] It feels like this! [slaps Zapp]


 


Zapp: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Dr. Kind: This isn't some woke-ass seminar! This course will take the form of a simulated space mission, with me as your abusive captain! And you'll learn from the example I'm not setting!





[He hurls the soda cup at Marlene.]

Marlene: Ouch!

[He hits one of the legs on Flashbot's desk and he falls over.]

Dr. Kind: [shrinks back down] Now, kindly follow me to the simulator. Ooh, careful. There's a step.




[Scene: The DOOP hangar. Dr. Kind takes his class to an alleged DOOP simulator.]

Dr. Kind: [deep voice] This mission may be simulated, but my abuse will be very real. Set course for degradation!





Zapp: Hm, never been there. Sounds exotic.

[Scene: The DOOP hallway. Glab leads Leela, Fry, and Bender.]

Glab: I'm pleased to have a civilian pilot of your caliber, Leela. The DOOP is rebranding to project an image of peaceful exploration rather than war. Also, we want to show we care about looking like we care about hiring women.



:[They come upon the Nimbus.]

Leela: Wow, it's huge! It's like a Princess cruise ship with laser cannons!

Fry: I hope they have a kids' center.





Glab: They don't. But there's a buffet with all-you-can-eat week-old sashimi.

Bender: Score!

[Cut to the four on the moving walkway toward the ship. Cut to Glab at a podium with the new DOOP recruits behind her.]

Leela: [whispering] I'm really nervous. What if I can't handle this?

Fry: [whispering] Leela, I know absolutely nothing, but I know one thing. You'll be great.

Glab: Nimbus crew, I'm pleased to introduce Zapp Brannigan's replacement, Captain Turanga Leela

[The DOOP soldiers salute Leela as she approaches the podium.]

Leela:. At ease, crew. I, um, I know I'm nothing like Zapp Brannigan, but I...

[The soldiers all cheer at this as Leela smiles.]

[Scene: The Nimbus is circling a planet. Cut to Leela speaking into her Captain's Diary.]

Leela: Dear Captain's Diary. If you're not me, don't read this. We're preparing to make first contact with a primitive civilization. Anyway, G2G. TTYL. PS, Fry looks cute!

[She closes and locks her diary.]

Glab: Captain, it's time to descend to the planet. Have you readied a shuttle-copter?

Leela: I've been thinking about that. Maybe we shouldn't intimidate them with our advanced technology.

Glab: Hm... Generally, I like to intimidate new civilizations, but what did you have in mind?

Leela: A bucket on a rope.



:[Cut to the garage. Bender has a rope crank attached in his cavity as Fry, Glab and Leela are about to descend in the bucket.]

Leela: Sorry you can't come, Bender. Your robot technology might scare them.

Bender: [mocks what Leela said, sarcastically] Safe travels.

[Scene: The new planet. The bucket slowly falls.]

Glab: This was a clever idea, Captain.

Fry: See, Leela? You're doing great.

[The bucket suddenly makes a fast drop to the ground. Cut back to the garage to reveal Bender has let go of the crank. He chuckles gleefully at this.]

Bender: Hope my robot technology isn't scaring you. And now, to stop it.




[He attempts to get back control of the crank, but he is unable to, so his cranking arm falls off. Cut back to the bucket continuing to fall. Cut back to Bender. When the rope runs out, he bumps into the pulley, stopping it. They are approached by a bunch of strange creatures who are marveled by this sight. Fry, Glab, and Leela come out of the bucket.]

Leela: Hello! We are people from the sky who come in peace.

Tactillian 1: Ah, they speak Tactillian.

[Bender's arm falls out of the sky and hits Fry.]

Quing Airee: I am Airee, Quing of Planet Tactillia. For centuries, we have wondered if we are alone in the universe. But now, we know intelligent life exists, flying among the stars in a bucket. Welcome!


:[The Tactillians inch closer to the crew. They grow hands and start groping them.]

Tactillian 2: The bucket people have unusual bodies, oh Quing.

Tactillian 3: They have fewer knobs, but not none!

[One of the Tactillians grabs Fry's ass.]

Fry: Hey! Just 'cause I'm wearing a short skirt. [one of them grabs his nose] No means no.

Leela: Blech! What are you doing? Stop that!

Glab: Captain! Respect their customs! We need to win the hearts and knobs of these people.

Leela: But they're so grabby. Oops!

[She accidentally pops one of the Tactillians, and she deflates like a baloon.]

Tactillian 3: Whee!

Leela: Um... Quing Airee, we have important matters to discuss, but it may be difficult. Our civilizations are at very different levels of technology.

Quing Airee: No kidding. You traveled in a bucket.

Leela: Actually, that was—

Quing Airee: We have much to teach you.

[Scene: Back on the simulator. Dr. Kind has Zapp and Flashbot polishing the floor with toothbrushes.]

Dr. Kind: [deep voice] Brush harder, tubby!

Zapp: You can't yell at me. You're on your short arms.

Dr. Kind: I yell at any height I want! [to Flashbot] You! Brush your teeth!

'Flashbot: I don't have teeth.

Dr. Kind: Then brush my teeth!




Flashbot: Damn, those are nice... Whoa!

[A mouth monster pops through Dr. Kind's teeth and chomps on Flashbot's toothbrush.]

Dr. Kind: You all think you've humiliated your crews. You ain't seen nothin'. I'm gonna do something so degrading that you'll never be the same! I'm going to take a shower... right here on the bridge!

Zapp: You sicken me!

[Scene: Planet Tactillia. Quing Airee leads the DOOP crew into a fortress. A car powered by a loud farting balloon passes by.]

Quing Airee: If you're wondering how our civilization became so advanced…

Fry: We're not, but…

Quing Airee: ...it's because we learned to harness pneumatic technology. All the sophisticated machinery you see is powered by air.




Fry: I've heard of air.

[Cut to a factory powered by bellows.]

Quing Airee: This is our main air power plant. The air blows through high-pressure transmission lines, so our citizens can power their appliances and inflate their meals.

Glab: I'm fascinated by all this wonderful air. Where does it come from?

Quing Airee: I'm glad you asked.



:[She pumps a balloon and a door dramatically opens behind her.]

Quing Airee: Behold! Oh no, wait. Hang on. [she pumps it harder]

[Cut to outside.]

Quing Airee: Behold! The Great Blow Hole!

[Fry takes a deep breath of the hole.]

Fry: Fresh from the hole. [falls over] Whoa!

[Fry falls upward like a skydiving simulator]




Fry: This is kinda fun.




Tactillian 4: Get out of our air!

[Fry keeps falling upward into a giant funnel, which takes him into a tube.]

Leela: This is an amazing natural resource, Quing Airee. You should do everything in your power to protect it.

Glab: Um, uh, uh, Leela, a word. [she leads Leela away from the Quing] I may not have told you everything about this mission. These people are lovely and whatever. It's debatable.

[Fry passes through the tube while she is speaking.]

Glab: We're really here for the air.

Leela: What?

Glab: The whole core of this planet is frozen gas. It's like a slot machine that keeps paying out air!

Leela: That sounds like a really boring casino.





Glab: Have you been to space, Leela? Not a lotta air out there, and what we do have is, like, 50% burp. Which is why you must get them to sign this treaty granting us air rights.

[Leela takes a look at the treaty, which has "Peace" in quotation marks.]

Leela: So, this peace mission isn't really about peace?

Glab: Who said it's not about peace? It's entirely about peace. Also, air. Leela, sometimes we coerce people with war. Other times, we take the high road and trick them with peace. [belches] Excuse me.



:[Scene: Sometime later. Near the Great Blow Hole, a stage is set with two flags and a negotiating table. Three tactillians play a fanfare, nearly deflating all three.]


Quing Airee: It is my great pleasure to sign this peace treaty with Captain Leela and her big bucket of space friends.



:[Polite applause as Fry waves.]

Tactillian Ambassador: Tradition dictates that the parties begin with the ritual knobbling.

[The Quing sprouts hands from her knobs.]




Leela: Uh...

Glab: Our captain will gladly engage in the knobbling.

Leela: I will? I'd rather not.

Glab: [whispering loudly] I said knobble!

[Scene: Back on the simulator. Zapp, Marlene, and Flashbot are seated on the floor.]

Marlene: [sniffs] Blech! It's starting to get real ripe in here.

Zapp: No offense, but could it possibly be all the food you threw?

Marlene: Let's find out. [she throws food at Zapp]





Zapp: Ow.

Flashbot: Man. It does stink. It's like rotten flesh floating in a puddle of vomit.

[Dr. Kind comes out of the shower.]

Dr. Kind: You wish. It's a durian!

[Dr. Kind lifts up a cloche revealing the spiny infamous Thai rancid fruit.]

Zapp: No. Noooo! What's a durian, by the way?

Dr. Kind: Earth's most putrid yet delicious fruit. So refreshing after a public shower. [He opens the durian and munches loudly on it.]

Zapp: My God. It actually has stink lines.

Dr. Kind: Tough it out, snowflake! Now you see how you've demoralized your own crews! Crews you expect to follow you into battle!




Zapp: At least with me in charge, they don't suffer long.

Dr. Kind: Let's see how well you fight under these conditions. Crew to simulated battle stations! [he sits in the captain's chair and presses a button, to Marlene] Captain Cranky! 90 degrees to starboard! [to Flashbot] Shields up, Flashnut! [to Zapp] Fire simulated missile, you fat moron!





Zapp: So mean.


:[Cut to the screen, which shows the Nimbus.]

Zapp: That simulated ship looks a bit like my real ship, the Nimbus.



:[A missile hits the Nimbus.]

Zapp: Yes! Direct hit! Heh heh heh. Now, who's the fat, incontinent moron?



:[Cut to outside as it is revealed the simulation is very real.]

[Scene: The Nimbus bridge. Bender is in the captain's chair singing along with the ship's siren.]

Bender: Hey, man, that's catchy! What song is that playing on the emergency siren?




DOOP Soldier: It's the emergency siren! We're under attack!

Bender: [yelps] I'm gettin' outta here!



:[Bender removes his head and hides it in his chest cavity. He briefly opens the door to check to see if the danger is over.]

[Scene: Planet Tactillia, the negotiating table. Leela is looking at Quing Airee's knobs.]

Glab: We need this treaty, Leela. Act like a captain and start fondling knobs.




Quing Airee: [clears throat]

Leela: [sighs] On behalf of the Democratic Order of Planets, it is my honor to, respectfully, grope your slimy... [groans, quietly, to Glab] I can't do it. Something just seems inappropriate. [zoom out to reveal the Quing groping Leela's ass] Possibly this thing.

[The "simulated" DOOP ship descends onto the planet. The Tactillians gasp in awe.]

Quing Airee: What a marvelous bucket.

[The door opens and the sensitivity training class comes out.]

Zapp: Jumping Judas. I've never seen a simulation so realistic. [approaches Leela, Glab, and the Quing] Is it "okay" to hit on a simulation?

Glab: What is the meaning of this? I thought I canceled all four of you!





Dr. Kind: Yes, but I hijacked this ship after hog-tying your pathetic sensitivity instructor!

[A door opens revealing the receptionist bot, who was the real instructor, hogtied.]

Instructor: It was a teachable moment.

Zapp: So, our ship was real? And the simulation was simulated?

[Dr. Kind's arms grow once again.]

Dr. Kind: No one cancels Dr. Gary Kind.

Leela: Who's the tall short guy?

Glab: Dr. Gary Kind, one of the DOOP's most notorious gropers.

[The Tactillians grow more excited and approach him.]

Tactillian 3: A groper?





[The Tactillians all gather around Dr. Kind and grope him.]

Tactillian 5: Now, this gentleman's a diplomat.

Dr. Kind: You messed with the wrong doctor of botanical science. But I have with me a bio-weapon of inconceivable power! [he opens his cardigan]

Flashbot: He's got something in his jacket! And so do I! [He opens his cavity and flashes Kind, laughing.]

[Dr. Kind opens his jacket revealing a during tied to his belt, as well as his DOOP uniform and scarlet C. Flashbot closes his cavity.]

Marlene: Jeez. How many more durians does this guy have?

Dr. Kind: One. Enough to befoul this planet's air supply for centuries!

[He holds the durian over the Great Blow Hole.]

Glab: Gary, put down the durian. We swore never to use those in peacetime.

[Leela's wrist thingy rings. On screen is Bender, still with his head in his cavity.]

Bender: Bender to Leela! The Nimbus came under attack about an hour ago! I probably should have called earlier. Be on the lookout for a small gunship about yea big from a million miles away.

Glab: Captain Leela, command the Nimbus to fire on Dr. Kind!





Leela: But, he's surrounded by those poor innocent pervs. They might get hurt.





Dr. Kind: [cackling] What a whimp! Captains need to be ruthless! Women belong in the kitchen, fixing me a sweet durian pie!





Zapp: That's an offensive stereotype! Leela's terrible at baking!



:[Zapp's scarlet C begins flashing.]

Scarlet C: Your eight-hour sensitivity training is complete. Please deposit me in the nearest recycling bin.

Zapp: No chance.



:[Zapp, having learned nothing, litters the badge right next to the recycling bin.]

Glab: Zapp Brannigan, having completed your rehabilitation, I hereby reinstate you as Captain of the Nimbus. Order your ship to fire!





Zapp: Uh, thank you, Glab, but, uh, I'm not sure I can do that. Dr. Kind taught me a lot.

Instructor: That's wonderful!

Zapp: I now know there's a difference between right and wrong. One of them gets you canceled.

Dr. Kind: [cackling] See what you get with PC culture? Weak captains too cowardly to shoot the helpless!

[Dr. Kind opens the durian and all the Tactillians gag at the smell.]

[Scene: Planet Express building. The Professor is using his smelloscope to smell around the universe.]

Farnsworth: Ah, what a beautiful night for smell-gazing. [he sniffs into the smelloscope, retches, and falls over from the rancid durian smell]

[Scene: Back on Tactillia.]

Dr. Kind: You should have shot me before I destroyed your precious air! If I were captain, I'd have fired without a second thought!





[Dr. Kind's scarlet C also starts flashing.]

Scarlet C: Your eight-hour sensitivity training is complete. Please deposit me…

[Dr. Kind tosses his badge into the Great Blow Hole, which screams all the way down.]

Glab: Dr. Kind, having completed your rehabilitation, I name you Captain of the Nimbus. Order your ship to—





Dr. Kind: Fire!



:[Dr. Kind laughs maniacally, just as the Nimbus fires on him, completely obliterating him but only half of the durian. In slow-motion, the Tactillians react in fear. Leela slowly runs toward the fruit and it splats in her face. The camera returns to normal speed as Leela splats on the ground, completely covered in durian. Everyone cheers.]

Fry: Leela, you're a hero! [He sniffs and retches at the rancid smell.]

Leela: Quing Airee, I am now prepared to knobble. Don't mind the durian.





Quing Airee: [gags] I declare the groping optional. Where do I sign?



:[The Quing signs the treaty, and she and the ambassador flee from the smell.]

[Scene: DOOP headquarters. Zapp is at the podium, much to the ire of Glab.]

Zapp: In conclusion, I sincerely apologize to all those I've harmed. Especially Kif Kroker, the giant sеx ladies of Amazonia, simulated Leela, and, of course, the late Dr. Kind.

[Applause.]

Flashbot: Yeah, baby! [flashes and laughs]



:[Marlene hurls an ice cream cone at Zapp.]

Glab: [pushing Zapp off the podium] Move! This ceremony is for Leela. Captain Leela, having heroically secured our supply of space air, I present you the DOOP's highest honor, the Medal of Valor.

[Applause.]

Zapp: It's pronounced "velour".




Glab: Your refusal to shoot unarmed civilians when ordered was an inspiration to us all, [angry] as well as grounds for a dishonorable discharge! What do you think this is, the Peace Corps? Get out!

[Scene: The Planet Express building. Leela hangs her framed Medal of Valor, which is marked with a "Dishonorable Discharge" label, next to her latest Employee of the Month photo.]

Leela: I guess I just don't have what it takes to be a DOOP captain.





Fry: No, you have something better. You have what it takes to be Leela.



:[Leela smiles at this and Fry takes a Polaroid of her smile. Leela replaces her sad photo with the one Fry just took. Zoidberg approaches her.]

Zoidberg: [sniffs] Yum. Durian! May I slurp your cheek clean with my tendrils? [slurps]


 


Leela: Eh, sure. And thanks for asking first.





:[Cut to black as Zoidberg begins to slurp on Leela.]

Zoidberg: Ew, blech! But also yum. [slurps]

[Closing Credits.]

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