Transcript:The Sting

[Opening Credits. Caption: A By-Product Of The TV Industry.]

[Scene: Planet Express: Hangar. Bender is kitted out in golf gear. To his left is a screen displaying a virtual golf course. He is on the 17th hole (a par 4). He takes his club from Fry and puts the ball on the tee.]

Bender: A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! [He hits the ball and it interacts with the screen, landing in the lake.] Oh, he slices! Into the water! Oh, man! [He plugs a cable into his head and appears on the screen.] (muttering) Boy, I tell you, buddy!

[He jumps into the lake. Enter Hermes and Farnsworth.]

Farnsworth: Bad news, everyone. You're not good enough to go on your next mission.

Fry: Hooray!

Bender: Not good enough!

[They high-five. Leela descends from above in a harness.]

Leela: Why? Says who?

Farnsworth: Because. And says me. It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew. And you're not nearly as good as them.

Fry: Woo-hoo!

Bender: We live to suck another day!

[They both do a victory dance. Leela disconnects Bender from the game and his image on the screen flies away like a burst balloon.]

Leela: We're just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission?

Farnsworth: Collecting honey. Ordinary honey.

Leela: That doesn't sound so dangerous.

Farnsworth: This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neuro-toxin can cause instant death.

Hermes: And that's if you're not allergic. You don't wanna know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no!

Farnsworth: Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science fair volcano.

Hermes: I didn't want to know!

[He bursts into tears.]

Farnsworth: These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly.

Fry: Larger than an American sedan? [He gasps.] How big is the honeycomb?

Hermes: Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bender: It's not small?

Hermes: No, no, no.

Leela: It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job. Come on, boys.

Fry: But, Leela, we're no good.

Leela: Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself.

Fry: I'm not scared of that at all.

[She pushes him towards the ship.]

[Scene: Outside Planet Express. The ship lifts off.]

[Scene: The ship flies towards the space beehive and lands just inside. Swarms of bees fly past with their space pollen.]

[Scene: Ships Cockpit. Leela paints yellow and black stripes on Bender.]

Leela: Now, bees communicate by dancing.

Fry: Like my parents! Oh, wait, that was hitting.

Leela: So this language cartridge will let you distract them.

[She installs the cartridge into the slot in the back of Bender's head.]

Bender: Ah, good. I often have thoughts and feelings that can only be expressed through dance. [He dances.] (in bee) You stink. Bender's great. Deal with it.

[He laughs.]

[Scene: Space Beehive. Leela and Fry are wearing spacesuits and Bender and they make their way into the hive carrying a long hose. A bee flies in front of them and they gasp.]

Leela: Bender, quick! Waggle something!

[As Bender talks Fry and Leela make their escape.]

Bender: Uh ... (in bee) Hello, fellow bees. How's the abdomen? Swollen with nectar, I trust?

Bee: (in bee) Duh!

[Time Lapse.]

Fry: Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out.

Leela: Relax. Everything'll be fine.

[They look up and see a ship caked in honey. It has a familiar logo on the tail.]

Fry: Oh, my God! The old Planet Express ship.

Leela: There's the black box.

[She picks it up and plays it.]

Man: [on tape] Captain, the bees have us surrounded! Oh, the Professor was right. We're not as good as his old crew!

Captain: [on tape] Well I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- [The buzzing gets louder.] (screaming) Oh, Lord!

[He screams some more and Leela switches the tape off.]

Leela: Uh, couldn't make that out. Too much static.

[Fry and Bender wince.]

[Time Lapse. The crew crawl into part of the honeycomb and honey drips around them.]

Bender: Ew!

[They come to the end of the tunnel and gasp.]

Leela: We found it! The honeycomb hideout.

[Time Lapse. Leela puts the hose into a river of honey it starts pumping. Fry points at something.]

Fry: Hey, what's this goop?

Leela: Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen.

Fry: Bees make honey and jelly? Huh. How come nothing humans make tastes good? [The honeycomb underneath him gives way and he falls into the jelly. He screams.] Help! I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know!

[Leela pulls him out.]

Leela: Look! [A small bee floats towards them on the jelly.] It's a baby queen! Aw, she's so cute! You adorable wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy--

Fry: Leela! Stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants!

Leela: I'm taking this bee with us. With a queen we can build a hive and make more honey ourselves. Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go.

[She dips a jar into the jelly.]

Bender: (in bee) Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks. [The bees glare at Bender.] I didn't mean you're all fat. Just fatso there.

[He points at a fat bee.]

Bee: (in bee) He insulted our fat queen.

Queen: (in bee) You try keeping your figure after 10,000 kids.

[The bees dive at the crew and they duck. Bender runs and the queen tries to sting him. He grabs hold of her stinger and she shakes him around.]

Leela: This is where we distinguish ourselves from the last crew. Activate emergency high-speed self-contained escape pack crisis response unit. Quick!

[She presses a button and a jet pack lifts her off the ground. Fry turns his on but he is wearing it the wrong way and flies away upside-down. The bees chase him and Leela. Fry hits the sides of the honeycomb on the way through the tunnels and Bender hangs onto the queen's stinger, screaming. Leela dodges a bee and it hits the honeycomb and explodes. Leela and Fry fly towards the ship.]

Leela: (shouting) Good luck, Bender!

[They fly through the cargo bay hatch.]

[Cut to: Ships Cargo Bay. Leela closes the hatch.]

[Cut to: Space Beehive. The ship tries to take off but the honey holds it down. The queen points her stinger at the hatch.]

[Cut to: Ships Cargo Bay. Her stinger comes through with Bender on the end.]

Bender: I'm back, baby!

[Cut to: Space Beehive. The cargo bay hatch closes, dislodging the queen. The ship lifts off and the bees sting it, denting it. It accelerates and the engine blasts the bees away.]

[Scene: Ships Cockpit. Fry cheers and Leela puts the baby queen in a pet basket.]

Fry: We made it! We're alive!

Leela: Burn on that, old crew! The only things they did better than us were suck and die.

Fry: Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you.

Leela: Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away.

[The bee uncurls and points its stinger at her.]

Fry: Look out! [Leela screams and the bee flies at her. Fry steps in front of her.] You want her, you're gonna have to go through me.

[The bee goes through him and he and Leela fall to the floor. The bee writhes around on the floor, its stinger snapped off. Bender quickly throws it into the airlock and jettisons it. It floats away into space and a space truck hits it. Leela looks where the sting hit her.]

Leela: You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo tops! But thanks for trying to save me, Fry! Fry? [Fry is hunched over on the floor, clutching where the sting hit him. Leela gasps.] He's ... he's dead.

[She and Bender kneel beside him.]

Bender: (crying) Who will make Bender waffles just the way he likes them now?

[Scene: A convoy that includes the Planet Express ship flies moves towards Orbiting Meadows National Cemetery.]

[Scene: Orbiting Meadows National Cemetery. Fry's funeral has begun. He is in an open casket. Mourners that include Leo and Inez Wong and two Trisolians pay their respects to him. Leela cries.]

Leela: (crying) It was all my fault! He died because of me!

Farnsworth: No, no, no, no, no, no. [He turns to Bender.] (shouting) I'm lying to make her feel better.

[Leela cries some more.]

[Time Lapse. Hermes puts piece of burning paper on the coffin.]

LaBarbara: Husband, can't you go anywhere without lighting something up?

Hermes: It's an old Jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his timecard. That way his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck.

[They leave and Amy and Zoidberg stand beside the casket.]

Amy: He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's clammed full of sawdust and preservatives.

Zoidberg: I only wish I could have removed the stinger.

[They look at Fry's body. The huge stinger sticks out of his abdomen.]

[Time Lapse. Father Changstein el Gamahl of the First Amalgamated Church begins the eulogy.]

Changstein el Gamahl: I barely knew Philip. But, as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him.

[The congregation cries.]

Hermes: Soothe us with sweet lies.

Changstein el Gamahl: It may comfort you to know Fry's death took only 15 seconds. Yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years. And it goes without saying it caused him to empty his bowels. [Everyone gasps.] We now commend Fry's body to the ages.

[The coffin turns around and is ejected into space. Scruffy plays Walking On Sunshine on the bagpipes. Amy pats Leela's shoulder.]

Amy: He's walking on sunshine now.

Farnsworth: This makes me the oldest member of my family.

[He cries and hugs Bender.]

Kug: Him do good snu-snu.

[Behind her, the radiator from the Miss Universe pageant, Petunia, the girl from the Hip Joint, Morgan Proctor and Michelle aren't so sure.]

Bender: All those times I said "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper "except one". Fry was that one. And I never told him so.

[He cries and hugs Farnsworth. Terry pulls his lab coat across him like a cape.]

Terry: (melodramatically) Farewell, from the world of tomorrow!

[Scene: Leela's Bedroom. She tickles Nibbler and wipes her eye with half a tissue. She puts the other half on her bedside table and sees the jar of honey.]

Leela: (crying) They say a spoonful of space honey helps ease the pain. [She picks up a box marked "Memories of Fry" and takes out a collectible spoon from when he was the Trisolian Emperor. She dips it into the jar and eats the honey.] Mmm. It's good. [She eats some more and stops crying.] I feel funny. Ha-ha funny.

[She laughs and then faints.]

[Cut to: Leela's Dream. Fry's coffin floats through space. It opens and she floats towards it.]

Fry: Leela?

Leela: Fry? I thought you were dead.

Fry: Nope, I'm better than ever. Before the accident I couldn't do this!

[He sticks his hand through the sting wound.]

Leela: Impressive! But it does sorta support my you-are-dead theory.

Fry: Then I'll prove I'm alive, by telling you something only I could know. [A large, translucent image of him appears behind him and Leela and they both speak.] There's a surprise for you in my locker. I got it at a Swedish novelty shop before we left.

[His locker appears and he opens the door and pulls out a gift-wrapped box. He hands it to Leela and she gasps.]

Leela: It's too beautiful to open. Can I open it?

Fry: Sure. There's just one thing I want you to.

Leela: What?

Fry: I want you to wake up.

Leela: Wake up? But I'm not--

[Cut to: Leela's Bedroom. She wakes up. Nibbler rolls of the bed.]

[Scene: Planet Express: Locker Area. The crew, sans Bender and Fry, are gathered around Fry's locker.]

Leela: In my dream Fry said he hid a gift for me in his locker. If it's true then he must still exist in some form.

Farnsworth: Of course he still exists: As a frozen corpse in outer space! [He laughs then sighs.] Oh, I made myself sad.

Leela: Well, here goes.

[She opens the locker. It is empty. The crew sigh.]

Zoidberg: Bupkis!

[Enter Bender counting some cash and whistling.]

Bender: Well, I feel better now. Pawning all the stuff in Fry's locker helped give me closure.

Leela: Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me?

Bender: No. Nothing. Not at all. No way, José! [He opens his chest cabinet and takes out the same gift from Leela's dream.] Here it is.

Leela: You took this from Fry's locker?

Bender: Hey, the guy's dead! There's no law against grave robbing.

[Leela opens the box and takes out a squeezy toy.]

Leela: That proves it. Fry is alive somewhere and he's reaching me in my dreams.

Farnsworth: Bull pies!

[Scene: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. He helps Leela onto a table.]

Farnsworth: Lay down here and we'll do some tests. If Fry is out there then Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board.

[Leela lies back on the table.]

Leela: Is this some sort of brain scanner?

Farnsworth: Some sort, yes. In France it's called a guillotine.

[He pulls a lever. Leela gasps and jumps out of the way, narrowly missing the blade.]

Leela: Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it?

Farnsworth: Yes, easily.

[He scans her brain with a hand-held device.]

Bender: Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? Y'know like Julia Roberts?

Farnsworth: Well, I suppose there's a slim-- [The scanner dings and he gasps.] I don't believe it!

Leela: What is it? Is Fry alive in some other dimension or something?

Farnsworth: No. According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back. Remarkable!

Leela: But ... my dream. Your science can't unprove that! How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker?

Hermes: Easy! He told you about it before he died and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out.

Leela: Are you saying I'm going crazy?

Farnsworth: No, no! No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

[Scene: Leela's Bedroom. She tosses and turns in her sleep.]

[Cut to: Leela's Dream. Leela floats in space and Fry's hair and mouth appear like the Cheshire Cat from Alice In Wonderland.]

Fry: Hi, Leela! I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Leela: Shut up! I can hear you. The Professor says you're just a dream.

[The rest of his body appears.]

Fry: Oh, yeah? [The space around them changes to a purple forest.] Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden?

Leela: Well, yes, technically. But it's still very sweet of you.

Fry: Then what if we shared a sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion?

[The dream changes to the icy moon. Fry and Leela are pulled along in a sleigh by a woolly mammoth. Fry hands Leela a mug and tears open a packet of cocoa.]

Leela: Oh, Fry! You must be alive; I've never been treated so romantically by my own imagination before.

Fry: Here, take my jacket. You look a little cold.

Leela: Thank you. It's all so beautiful. I forgot how many hundreds of degrees below zero it must be. I just wish I could convince the others you're alive.

Fry: You can. All you have to do is wake up.

Leela: No, no! Don't say that! This is real!

[Cut to: Leela's Bedroom. She wakes up and sends Nibbler flying off the bed.]

Leela: Not another dream! [She gasps and drops the sheets from around her. She is wearing Fry's jacket.] Fry's jacket! The one he was buried in! My dream was real! He's alive!

[Her neighbour thumps the wall.]

Petunia: (from apartment) Quit your bragging! My boyfriend's alive too! [There is a thump.] Not 'nymore!

[Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Bender is on fire. Hermes, Amy, Zoidberg and Farnsworth blast him with fire extinguishers.]

Bender: That's better!

[He lights a cigar. Enter Leela with Fry's jacket in a cover.]

Leela: Fry's alive! I have proof!

Amy: No way!

Farnsworth: You lie!

Bender: You do not!

Hermes: I'm from Jamaica, the "Show Me" island. So show me you're blowing it out your fanny.

Leela: But he gave me his jacket. Look.

[She opens the cover and pulls out her own green jacket.]

Farnsworth: That's not Fry's jacket. Fry's jacket is red. That's your jacket. An off-the-rack, lime green affair.

Leela: But Fry-- His jacket-- And when I woke up it was on me.

Hermes: You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it off.

[He hands her the squeezy toy.]

Leela: [squeezing] I am not under stress, damnit!

[The toy explodes.]

Amy: (Farnsworth's voice) Everything's going to be alright, Leela.

Leela: What?

Amy: I said everything's going to be alright.

Leela: Oh. Maybe I am freaking out a little.

Bender: A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita. And she's a screw!

Leela: I need to calm down. I'd better take some more of that space honey.

Farnsworth: You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile!

Zoidberg: One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls and you'll go into a sleep so deep you'll never wake up. Never!

Hermes: (Farnsworth's voice) Never!

Bender: (Amy's voice) Never!

[Leela gasps.]

[Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. Leela takes a spoonful of honey.]

Leela: One spoonful to calm me down. [She swallows it and falls over.] OK, I've got a pretty good calm going! Two spoonfuls to help me sleep. [She eats another one but nothing happens.] Uh-oh, still awake. I guess one more spoonful couldn't hurt. [She swipes at the jar with the spoon but misses and knocks the royal jelly onto the sofa.] Oh, my gosh! I'd better get a sponge. [The jelly forms a Fry-shaped object.] Fry? [She rubs her eye.] Is that you? I don't need a sponge!

Fry: Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

[Scene: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Farnsworth scans Fry with the gizmometer.]

Farnsworth: Incredible! According to the gizmometer, Fry touched the royal jelly in the space hive, leaving an imprint of his DNA and brainwaves. Then, when it spilled on the couch, it recombined with trace amounts of Fry's hair and skin--

Bender: And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood!

Farnsworth: Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being.

Fry: Neat!

Bender: This is great! My buddy's alive and his credit cards are valid again. [He takes Fry's credit cards out of his chest cabinet.] Let's go get hammered!

[The staff cheer.]

Zoidberg: I should warn you, I'm a mean drunk.

[They exit, leaving Fry and Leela alone.]

Leela: Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you.

Fry: Me too.

Leela: Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is alright.

Fry: Uh, not everything.

Leela: What? What do you mean?

Fry: You have to wake up.

Leela: Wake up? Oh, no! No! It can't be!

[Cut to: Planet Express: Lounge. Leela wakes up on the couch. She gasps and looks around.]

Leela: Pooh!

[Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Leela and the other staff sit at the table.]

Leela: I'm cracking up. In my dreams I'm happy because Fry is alive. But when I'm awake, my mind plays tricks on me.

Hermes: Oh, take it easy, Leela.

Amy: In every life we have some trouble.

Bender: But when you worry, you make it double.

Amy and Bender: (singing) Don't worry! Bee happy!

Farnsworth: (singing) The landlord says your rent is late.

Hermes: (singing) He might have to litigate.

Bender: (singing) But don't worry!

[He opens his chest cabinet and a bee flies out and stings Farnsworth's head.]

Bee: (singing) Bee--

Farnsworth: (singing) Happy!

[His head explodes and the meeting room goes dark.]

Zoidberg: (singing) Ain't got no cash, Ain't got no style, Ladies vomit when I smile, But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish!

[The bee stings him.]

Bee: (singing) Bee--

Zoidberg: (singing) Happy!

[He explodes. Hermes holds Amy and skates around as the bee flies alongside.]

Hermes: Don't worry now, Amy!

[The bee stings him and he explodes.]

Amy: OK! I'm happy!

[The bee stings her and she explodes. Streamers and glitter fall around the table and Bender dances on it.]

Bender: Take us home, Bender! (singing) Don't worry!

Bee: (singing) Bee--

[It stings him.]

Bender: (singing) Happy!

[He explodes and fireworks crackle. The smoke clears and everyone is back at the table.]

Leela: Uh, were you just singing?

Bender: No, I was telling you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

[Scene: Ships Cockpit. Leela takes off in the ship, nervous and jittery.]

Leela: I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane.

[Scene: Outside Ship. Also sprach Zarathustra plays as Leela stands at the airlock in her spacesuit. She looks out at Fry's coffin, floating like the Monolith in 2001: A Space Odyssey. She jumps out, floats to it and puts her hands on it.]

Leela: OK, it's just an ordinary coffin. Containing my ordinary dead friend, who I killed.

[She opens the coffin, revealing the slit-scan sequence from 2001: A Space Odyssey. She stares like Dave Bowman.]

[Cut to: Leela's Bedroom. She wakes up again.]

Leela: What happened? Why am I in my apartment?

[Farnsworth's, Zoidberg's, Hermes' and Amy's faces appear on her walls.]

Farnsworth, Zoidberg, Hermes and Amy: (chanting) You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry ...!

Leela: Stop it! Stop it!

[She tears their faces down like paper. Bender appears on the floor.]

Bender: You killed Fry!

[She grabs the hoover and sucks him up.]

Leela: OK, I'm insane! But I'm still sane enough to know it. [She looks at a photo of Fry on her bedside.] The only time I feel alright is in my dreams, with you. [She takes the jar of honey.] Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever. [She starts to eat.] One. Two [She dips in a third time.] Here goes. Goodbye, waking world.

[She moves the spoon towards her mouth.]

Fry's Photo: Leela! No! [A bee flies past.] Listen to me, you don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable and do nothing the rest of your life. I've tried it. Bedsores hurt!

Leela: (crying) Then what am I s'posed to do?

Fry's Photo: Fight it!

Leela: (crying) I can't!

Fry's Photo: You can! The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily.

Leela: OK. I'll try. [The bee buzzes past her again. She waves her arm around.] Go away!

[She throws the jar at it. The jar and the bee break and the one bee becomes a swarm. Leela picks up Fry's photo and holds it tightly.]

Fry's Photo: I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I wanna tell you. I love you.

Leela: (crying) I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do.

Fry's Photo: Just wake up, Leela. Please. Just wake up.

Leela: (crying) I don't understand what you mean!

[She hugs the photo.]

[Cut to: Hospital Room. Leela is in a bed and Fry is sat at her side. His jacket is draped around her and she is in a coma.]

Fry: (crying) Just wake up. Please. Just wake up, Leela.

[Her eyelid flutters and opens. She looks around.]

Leela: Fry. You're alive!

Fry: Leela! You're awake!

Leela: Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. [She looks around.] Where am I?

Fry: In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you.

Leela: But the bee stung you. It barely touched me.

[Fry lifts up his shirt. There is a patch where his wound was.]

Fry: The stinger went right through me and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle.

[He makes revving noises and mimes a motorbike throttle. The rest of the staff walk in.]

Hermes: Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

[They all cheer.]

Bender: You were in the best coma I've ever seen!

Amy: The doctor said you'd never wake up.

Leela: Really? How long was I out?

Amy: Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute.

Zoidberg: And he talked non-stop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was!

Fry: I though that maybe if you heard a familiar voice it might help keep your mind together. But who knows if it really got through.

Leela: It got through, Fry. [She hugs him.] It got through.

[Closing Credits.]

Leela: [whispering; over credits] You could really use a shower.

Fry: [whispering; over credits] You too!