Difference between revisions of "Transcript:Lethal Inspection"
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:''['''Scene:''' Sith-il War Memorial. The crew are walking through the trees. They are dressed as Union soldiers. The Professor groans]'' | :''['''Scene:''' Sith-il War Memorial. The crew are walking through the trees. They are dressed as Union soldiers. The Professor groans]'' | ||
'''Farnsworth''': I fear I may not survive this war reenactment. We’re only twelve feet from the parking lot. | :'''Farnsworth''': I fear I may not survive this war reenactment. We’re only twelve feet from the parking lot. | ||
'''Fry''': [standing in mud, surrounded by flies] This is every bit as fun as the real Civil War. | :'''Fry''': [standing in mud, surrounded by flies] This is every bit as fun as the real Civil War. | ||
'''Leela''': Not the Civil War private. We’re reinacting the Sith-il War. [She points to a plaque that says “Sith Invasion of 2865 Historic Site] | :'''Leela''': Not the Civil War private. We’re reinacting the Sith-il War. [She points to a plaque that says “Sith Invasion of 2865 Historic Site] | ||
'''Fry''': Sith? What the Hoth? | :'''Fry''': Sith? What the Hoth? | ||
'''Bender''': Enemy invaders! Up in yonder sky! | :'''Bender''': Enemy invaders! Up in yonder sky! | ||
''[A ship that looks like a TIE Bomber is landing infront of the crew. It is really a regular spaceship with cardboard attached to the front. The ship lands and nerds walk in front of the crew. They are all holding toy lightsabers]'' | :''[A ship that looks like a TIE Bomber is landing infront of the crew. It is really a regular spaceship with cardboard attached to the front. The ship lands and nerds walk in front of the crew. They are all holding toy lightsabers]'' | ||
'''Darth Stroyer''': I am Darth Stroyer. | :'''Darth Stroyer''': I am Darth Stroyer. | ||
'''Fry''': Darth Stroyer? That’s the stupidest name I’ve ever heard. | :'''Fry''': Darth Stroyer? That’s the stupidest name I’ve ever heard. | ||
'''Leela''': Let’s hear the rest. | :'''Leela''': Let’s hear the rest. | ||
'''Darth Trocious''': Darth Trocious. | :'''Darth Trocious''': Darth Trocious. | ||
'''Darth Sploder''': Darth Sploder. | :'''Darth Sploder''': Darth Sploder. | ||
'''Darth Urderer''': Darth Urderer. | :'''Darth Urderer''': Darth Urderer. | ||
'''Darth Ithead''': Darth Ithead. [His lightsaber malfunctions and he has to turn it back on] | :'''Darth Ithead''': Darth Ithead. [His lightsaber malfunctions and he has to turn it back on] | ||
'''Leela''': Company! Attack! | :'''Leela''': Company! Attack! | ||
''[The crew and the nerds let out battle cries and attack each other. Hermes comes up with a desk on wheels]'' | :''[The crew and the nerds let out battle cries and attack each other. Hermes comes up with a desk on wheels]'' | ||
'''Hermes''': Don’t fire until you see the greens of their eyes! It saves on bullets. | :'''Hermes''': Don’t fire until you see the greens of their eyes! It saves on bullets. | ||
''[Everyone is attacking members of the other side. Fry and Darth Trocious are fighting each other but have to stop for Hattie and her dog. Scruffy is fighting Darth Stroyer. He loses his lightsaber.]'' | :''[Everyone is attacking members of the other side. Fry and Darth Trocious are fighting each other but have to stop for Hattie and her dog. Scruffy is fighting Darth Stroyer. He loses his lightsaber.]'' | ||
'''Darth Stroyer''': I shall rip out your heart and show it to you! ''[touches Scruffy with a lightsaber]'' It is done. | :'''Darth Stroyer''': I shall rip out your heart and show it to you! ''[touches Scruffy with a lightsaber]'' It is done. | ||
'''Scruffy''': The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long. ''[He lays on the ground and acts dead.]'' Mhrm. | :'''Scruffy''': The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long. ''[He lays on the ground and acts dead.]'' Mhrm. | ||
''[The Professor is walking until he is stopped by Darth Sploder holding him at saber point. The Professor screams.] | :''[The Professor is walking until he is stopped by Darth Sploder holding him at saber point. The Professor screams.] | ||
'''Darth Sploder''': You're dead! | :'''Darth Sploder''': You're dead! | ||
'''Farnsworth''': No, I'm just very old. ''[He makes choking noises and falls down]'' | :'''Farnsworth''': No, I'm just very old. ''[He makes choking noises and falls down]'' | ||
'''Darth Sploder''': ''[He taps the Professor with his foot and gets no response.]'' Woah! That good acting! | :'''Darth Sploder''': ''[He taps the Professor with his foot and gets no response.]'' Woah! That good acting! | ||
'''Fry''': It's payback time Sploder! ''[Fry's gun fires a beam that tags Sploder then falls flat. Fry presses a button on his ''gun'' and the beam retracts.]] | :'''Fry''': It's payback time Sploder! ''[Fry's gun fires a beam that tags Sploder then falls flat. Fry presses a button on his ''gun'' and the beam retracts.]] | ||
'''Darth Sploder''': Tell my mother... to pick me up outside Quiznos. | :'''Darth Sploder''': Tell my mother... to pick me up outside Quiznos. | ||
'''Hermes''': ''[Wheeling his desk up]'' That's three dead. Uh-oh. Let's pick up the pace people. At this point in the actual war, the death toll was ninety-eight million. ''[He gestures towards a large set of graves nearby]'' | :'''Hermes''': ''[Wheeling his desk up]'' That's three dead. Uh-oh. Let's pick up the pace people. At this point in the actual war, the death toll was ninety-eight million. ''[He gestures towards a large set of graves nearby]'' | ||
'''Bender''': ''[ | :'''Bender''': ''[Chuckles]'' You humans and your fragile organs. One little stab to the goo and ''[He blows a raspberry]'' | ||
:'''Darth Trocious''': ''[He lands on Bender and tags with the his lightsaber.]'' You're dead, Earth man! | |||
:'''Bender''': ''[Dramatically]'' Oh cruel fate, I'm dead. They're putting me in my Sunday suit and shoving me in a wooden box. ''[He falls to the ground]'' Now their loading me into cold cold ground. Hello! Here come the worms! ''[He starts laughing]'' | |||
:'''Fry''': If you were really dead, you wouldn't be laughing so hard. | |||
:'''Bender''': Yeah, yeah. Death's a big deal to you flesh bags. But in case you didn't notice, I'm a robot. | |||
:'''Fry''': So? What if something heavy fell on you, like a church? You could still die. | |||
:'''Bender''': Nuh-uh! My wireless back-up unit saves a copy of me every day. So, if my body gets killed, big whoop, I just download into another body. I'm immortal baby! | |||
:'''Amy''': What? Then how come you always scream so much when you're in danger? | |||
:'''Bender''': I never said I wasn't a drama queen. | |||
:''[The crew and the nerds are in a clearing, facing each other.]'' | |||
:'''Hermes''': And the winner of the war is ... let me just cross check my tabulation here. Factor in the corsages for the widows. | |||
:'''Bender''': Hurry up you number-crunching crumb-nuncher! Everybody but me is dying of old age! | |||
:'''Hermes''': Okay. The winners, at a net cost of only $12 per life cut tragically short, our Sith Overlords. | |||
:'''Darth Sploder''': Hot diggity! I mean... [Breathes like Darth Vader in his best basso profundo voice.] Supreme diggity. | |||
:''[The crew and the nerds line up, high-fiving each other saying "Good War"]'' | |||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Meeting Room. Everyone is groaning loudly.]'' | |||
:'''Fry''': It may have been a fake war, but my scuffed knee is all too real. | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': I have pain in joints I had removed a century ago. Bender, bring me my soft chair with the wheels on it. | |||
:'''Bender''': Your wheelchair? | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': I don't need a wheelchair! The one with the wheels! | |||
:'''Bender''': Poor flimsy humans. Don't you wish you were flawless like me? A towering inferno of physical perfection? | |||
:'''Leela''': I hate to pop your blimp-like ego, but you're not perfect. | |||
:'''Bender''': Am so! | |||
:'''Leela''': Are not! | |||
:'''Bender''': Is too! | |||
:'''Leela''': Says who? | |||
:'''Bender''': Says the only human whose opinion I even remotely respect. ''[He takes a scrap of paper out of his chest cabinet and kisses it]'' Inspector 5, the best inspector a kid could want. The day I was built, he looked me over, probably with tears of pride in his eyes, and proclaimed to the world, by means of this scrap of paper, that I was perfect and infallible in every way! | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': Hey Mr. Perfect? You wet the chair. ''[He points to the oil stain on the wheelchair]'' | |||
:'''Bender''': Huh? Wasn't me. Must be some of that urine your all so proud of. | |||
:'''Fry''': ''[He tastes some of the puddle with his finger]'' That's not urine, it's oil. | |||
:'''Bender''': Impossible! I'm triple sealed to prevent any chance of ... ''[He looks behind him and shrieks. He is leaking oil]'' | |||
:'''Zoidberg''': You call ''that'' an ink defense? ''[His coat tears off and he sprays ink everywhere and scuttles off]'' Goodbye, friends! | |||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express Workshop. Bender is on a worktable while the Professor is working on him. The rest of the crew is watching]'' | |||
:'''Bender''': What could have caused the leak? Excessive heat, on the count that I'm so hot? | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': Alas, no. Oh, Bender, I'm afraid it's a symptom of a fatal defect. | |||
:'''Bender''': Yeah, fatal schmatal. If I die I can just download my backup copy into my new, equally fabulous, body. | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': That's just it! You can't. You were built without a backup unit. | |||
:'''Bender''': ''[He sits up, shocked]'' There's no backup copy of me? | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': That's what I just said, you mortal coil. | |||
:'''Bender''': So, if I die... | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': You die. Or as you put it ''[He blows a raspberry]'' | |||
:'''Bender''': ''[Nervous]'' Um, excuse me for a moment. ''[He unscrews his head and puts it into his chest cabinet]'' ''[muffled]'' No! | |||
Revision as of 02:14, 5 March 2011
| ← Previous | Navigation in production order | Next → |
|---|
| Transcript for | |
| Lethal Inspection | |
|---|---|
| Written by | Lewis Morton |
| Transcribed by | Teyrn of Highever |
- [Opening Credits: Made you look!]
- [Scene: Sith-il War Memorial. The crew are walking through the trees. They are dressed as Union soldiers. The Professor groans]
- Farnsworth: I fear I may not survive this war reenactment. We’re only twelve feet from the parking lot.
- Fry: [standing in mud, surrounded by flies] This is every bit as fun as the real Civil War.
- Leela: Not the Civil War private. We’re reinacting the Sith-il War. [She points to a plaque that says “Sith Invasion of 2865 Historic Site]
- Fry: Sith? What the Hoth?
- Bender: Enemy invaders! Up in yonder sky!
- [A ship that looks like a TIE Bomber is landing infront of the crew. It is really a regular spaceship with cardboard attached to the front. The ship lands and nerds walk in front of the crew. They are all holding toy lightsabers]
- Darth Stroyer: I am Darth Stroyer.
- Fry: Darth Stroyer? That’s the stupidest name I’ve ever heard.
- Leela: Let’s hear the rest.
- Darth Trocious: Darth Trocious.
- Darth Sploder: Darth Sploder.
- Darth Urderer: Darth Urderer.
- Darth Ithead: Darth Ithead. [His lightsaber malfunctions and he has to turn it back on]
- Leela: Company! Attack!
- [The crew and the nerds let out battle cries and attack each other. Hermes comes up with a desk on wheels]
- Hermes: Don’t fire until you see the greens of their eyes! It saves on bullets.
- [Everyone is attacking members of the other side. Fry and Darth Trocious are fighting each other but have to stop for Hattie and her dog. Scruffy is fighting Darth Stroyer. He loses his lightsaber.]
- Darth Stroyer: I shall rip out your heart and show it to you! [touches Scruffy with a lightsaber] It is done.
- Scruffy: The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long. [He lays on the ground and acts dead.] Mhrm.
- [The Professor is walking until he is stopped by Darth Sploder holding him at saber point. The Professor screams.]
- Darth Sploder: You're dead!
- Farnsworth: No, I'm just very old. [He makes choking noises and falls down]
- Darth Sploder: [He taps the Professor with his foot and gets no response.] Woah! That good acting!
- Fry: It's payback time Sploder! [Fry's gun fires a beam that tags Sploder then falls flat. Fry presses a button on his gun and the beam retracts.]]
- Darth Sploder: Tell my mother... to pick me up outside Quiznos.
- Hermes: [Wheeling his desk up] That's three dead. Uh-oh. Let's pick up the pace people. At this point in the actual war, the death toll was ninety-eight million. [He gestures towards a large set of graves nearby]
- Bender: [Chuckles] You humans and your fragile organs. One little stab to the goo and [He blows a raspberry]
- Darth Trocious: [He lands on Bender and tags with the his lightsaber.] You're dead, Earth man!
- Bender: [Dramatically] Oh cruel fate, I'm dead. They're putting me in my Sunday suit and shoving me in a wooden box. [He falls to the ground] Now their loading me into cold cold ground. Hello! Here come the worms! [He starts laughing]
- Fry: If you were really dead, you wouldn't be laughing so hard.
- Bender: Yeah, yeah. Death's a big deal to you flesh bags. But in case you didn't notice, I'm a robot.
- Fry: So? What if something heavy fell on you, like a church? You could still die.
- Bender: Nuh-uh! My wireless back-up unit saves a copy of me every day. So, if my body gets killed, big whoop, I just download into another body. I'm immortal baby!
- Amy: What? Then how come you always scream so much when you're in danger?
- Bender: I never said I wasn't a drama queen.
- [The crew and the nerds are in a clearing, facing each other.]
- Hermes: And the winner of the war is ... let me just cross check my tabulation here. Factor in the corsages for the widows.
- Bender: Hurry up you number-crunching crumb-nuncher! Everybody but me is dying of old age!
- Hermes: Okay. The winners, at a net cost of only $12 per life cut tragically short, our Sith Overlords.
- Darth Sploder: Hot diggity! I mean... [Breathes like Darth Vader in his best basso profundo voice.] Supreme diggity.
- [The crew and the nerds line up, high-fiving each other saying "Good War"]
- [Scene: Planet Express Meeting Room. Everyone is groaning loudly.]
- Fry: It may have been a fake war, but my scuffed knee is all too real.
- Farnsworth: I have pain in joints I had removed a century ago. Bender, bring me my soft chair with the wheels on it.
- Bender: Your wheelchair?
- Farnsworth: I don't need a wheelchair! The one with the wheels!
- Bender: Poor flimsy humans. Don't you wish you were flawless like me? A towering inferno of physical perfection?
- Leela: I hate to pop your blimp-like ego, but you're not perfect.
- Bender: Am so!
- Leela: Are not!
- Bender: Is too!
- Leela: Says who?
- Bender: Says the only human whose opinion I even remotely respect. [He takes a scrap of paper out of his chest cabinet and kisses it] Inspector 5, the best inspector a kid could want. The day I was built, he looked me over, probably with tears of pride in his eyes, and proclaimed to the world, by means of this scrap of paper, that I was perfect and infallible in every way!
- Farnsworth: Hey Mr. Perfect? You wet the chair. [He points to the oil stain on the wheelchair]
- Bender: Huh? Wasn't me. Must be some of that urine your all so proud of.
- Fry: [He tastes some of the puddle with his finger] That's not urine, it's oil.
- Bender: Impossible! I'm triple sealed to prevent any chance of ... [He looks behind him and shrieks. He is leaking oil]
- Zoidberg: You call that an ink defense? [His coat tears off and he sprays ink everywhere and scuttles off] Goodbye, friends!
- [Scene: Planet Express Workshop. Bender is on a worktable while the Professor is working on him. The rest of the crew is watching]
- Bender: What could have caused the leak? Excessive heat, on the count that I'm so hot?
- Farnsworth: Alas, no. Oh, Bender, I'm afraid it's a symptom of a fatal defect.
- Bender: Yeah, fatal schmatal. If I die I can just download my backup copy into my new, equally fabulous, body.
- Farnsworth: That's just it! You can't. You were built without a backup unit.
- Bender: [He sits up, shocked] There's no backup copy of me?
- Farnsworth: That's what I just said, you mortal coil.
- Bender: So, if I die...
- Farnsworth: You die. Or as you put it [He blows a raspberry]
- Bender: [Nervous] Um, excuse me for a moment. [He unscrews his head and puts it into his chest cabinet] [muffled] No!