Difference between revisions of "Transcript:A Clockwork Origin"
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:'''Farnsworth''': ''[Walking to the podium.]'' You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your {{w|turnip}} trucks and go home! | :'''Farnsworth''': ''[Walking to the podium.]'' You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your {{w|turnip}} trucks and go home! | ||
:''[The crowd boos.]'' | :''[The crowd boos.]'' | ||
:''' | :'''[[Hydroponic Farmer]]''': ''[Standing in front of a turnip truck.]'' That is an insulting accurate stereotype, sir! | ||
:'''Farnsworth''': As a professor of science, I assure you we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey-men. | :'''Farnsworth''': As a professor of science, I assure you we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey-men. | ||
:'''[[Dr. Banjo]]'': I can't speak for you, sir, but mine ancestors were not monkeys. They were orangutans. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans. | :'''[[Dr. Banjo]]'': I can't speak for you, sir, but mine ancestors were not monkeys. They were orangutans. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans. | ||
Line 64: | Line 64: | ||
:'''Fry''': ''[He scoops up some soup. Amy's finger is in the spoon.]'' What the... | :'''Fry''': ''[He scoops up some soup. Amy's finger is in the spoon.]'' What the... | ||
:'''Amy''': Oh, that's mine. ''[She takes it back.]'' | :'''Amy''': Oh, that's mine. ''[She takes it back.]'' | ||
:''['''Scene:''' | :''['''Scene:''' NNY. Museum of Natural History. A banner reads "World Bone Premiere".]'' | ||
:'''Bender''': ''[He walks up to the Professor, wearing an under-sized {{w|Tuxedo}}.]'' Hmm, my tux doesn't fit. Probably because I've grown so much since I last wore it, or evolved, one much say. | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': One might not say that. Your tux doesn't fit is because you stole it from a boy! | |||
:'''Bender''': You mean a man! It was his {{w|Bar Mitzvah}}. | |||
:'''[[Ben Beeler]]''': Welcome, museum members. Or, as I like to call you, future exhibits. ''[The crowd chuckles weakly.]'' | |||
:'''Zoidberg''': ''[To Cubert.]'' He's good. | |||
:'''Beeler''': Tonight, we have a new resident here in the hall of {{w|Hominids}}, generously donated by its discoverer, Hubert Farnsworth. Ladies and gentlemen, ''Homo farnsworth''. ''[A curtain rises, revealing the skull and an artist's recreation of the hominid.]'' | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': Once again, science saves the day. The end. | |||
:'''Beeler''': And now, to discuss the scientific implications of this discovery, our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo! | |||
:''[The Professor does a {{w|spit take}} His {{w|dentures land ''in'' a painting of a Tarsier]''. | |||
:'''Banjo''': Thank you Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all dis-proven evolution. ''[He pulls a cord and a painting of ''Homo farnsworth'' riding a dinosaur is revealed.]'' Behold! ''Homo farnsworth'' frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': I don't want to live on this planet anymore. | |||
:''['''Scene:''' Outside Planet Express. The ship blasts off.]'' | |||
:''['''Scene:''' Deep Space.]'' | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': Faster! faster! Just drop me off at that {{w|asteroid}} over there. | |||
:''['''Scene:''' [[Robot Planetoid]].]'' | |||
:'''Leela''': Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless. | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': Not lifeless enough! Set up my shack so that I can kick you out of it! | |||
:''[Hermes sets down a container labeled "Blow Shack" and pulls the cord. The shack pops up and sends Hermes flying.]'' | |||
:'''Fry''': ''[Looking at a polluted pond.]'' Professor, is this your only water source? It looks like {{w|Diet Dr. Pepper}}. | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': It's not that bad. It's just laden with toxic minerals. But not for long. ''[He rattles a tube.]'' | |||
:'''Fry''': What's in the tube? | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': Microscopic [[Nanobots]]. ''[He empties the tube. The robots quickly start cleaning the water.]'' They're tiny robots I designed to eat up nasty irritants. | |||
:'''Fry''': Speaking of nasty irritants, what's going to become of Cubert? | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': Who? Oh, my son. Don't worry, he's been safely abandoned with his godfather. | |||
:''['''Scene:''' Planet Express.]'' | |||
:'''Zoidberg''': Cubert, I felt we needed some father-son bonding time, so I found a couple of [[A Clockwork Origin#goofs| baseball gloves]] and boiled them up for lunch. | |||
:''[Closing Credits.]'' | :''[Closing Credits.]'' |
Revision as of 20:20, 12 March 2011
← Previous | Navigation in production order | Next → |
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Transcript for | |
A Clockwork Origin | |
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Written by | Dan Vebber |
Transcribed by | Teyrn of Highever |
- [Opening Credits: This time, it's personal.]
- [Scene: Planet Express, Meeting Room. The crew are sitting at the table.]
- [Hermes]: Item one... Duck! [Most duck just in time, but Bender is clipped by Cubert on a party board.
- Prof. Farnsworth: Cubert, you crapscallion! What aren't you in school?
- Cubert: I couldn't get past the protesters. A bunch of smiling, angry people were handing out these anti-evolution flyers.
- [He shows the Professor one. It shows a woman spanking a man wearing a dunce cap that says "Darwin". It reads, "Teach truth, not evolution. Also bring back spanking".]
- Farnsworth: [He gasps.] Evolution is under attack at our schools? To the science mobile.
- Leela: You mean the ship?
- Farnsworth: Yes. The science mobile!
- Leela It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.
- [Scene: Wozniak Nerd Academy. The ship passes a sign that says "Go Flinchers!" It lands.]
- Woman: I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it! We will not give in to the thinkers!
- [The crowd listening cheers]
- Farnsworth: [Walking to the podium.] You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home!
- [The crowd boos.]
- Hydroponic Farmer: [Standing in front of a turnip truck.] That is an insulting accurate stereotype, sir!
- Farnsworth: As a professor of science, I assure you we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey-men.
- 'Dr. Banjo: I can't speak for you, sir, but mine ancestors were not monkeys. They were orangutans. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans.
- '[An orangutan walks up from the crowd. He is wearing a suit and glasses.]
- Farnsworth: Dr. Banjo?
- Dr. Banjo: In the fur. And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory. Like gravity, or the shape of the Earth.
- [The crowd cheers again.]
- Flying Spaghetti Monster: Hey, Professor, I'm a [[flying spaghetti monster {species)|flying spaghetti monster]]. You seriously saying that I descended from some kind of flightless manicotti?
- Farnsworth: Yes!
- Banjo: Oh, please. A far more logical explanation is the undisprovable science of Creatureism. All life was created in its present form seven thousand years ago, by a fantastical creature from outer space!
- Farnsworth: Bunk!
- Banjo: Oh! [He shows a hologram of a man and a Chimpanzee, with a backwards prohibition sign running through an arrow.] If you elitist, East Coast evolution is real, why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient apes?
- Farnsworth: We did find it! [The arrow is replaced by Homo erectus.] It's called Homo erectus!
- Banjo: Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found a link between apes and this Homo erectus. [The arrow is put between before Homo erectus.]
- Farnsworth: Yes, they have! [The hologram fills in again.] It's called Homo habilis!
- Banjo: Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so called Homo habilis.
- Farnsworth: Yes, they have! [The hologram fills in.] It's called Australopithicus africanus!
- Banjo: Oh-ho! I've got you now! [Time Lapse. The hologram now shows 19 different species of ape. Only Fry and Leela are still there.] Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor!
- Farnsworth: Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist!
- Banjo: [He scoffs.] Things don't exist simply because you believe in them. Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!
- [Scene: [[Oldluvial Gorge. A sign reads "Welcome to Olduvial Gorge. Birthplace of {{w|Ryan Seacreast} (and the rest of humanity). The crew are excavating.]
- Farnsworth: I'll show that {{w|banana))-swilling, poop-slinger! We just need to find that last missing link.
- Leela: I found a missing link. It seems to be half-man, half-toucan. [She shows a skull with a large beak.]
- Farnsworth: Not what we're looking for. Throw it in the soup! [She throws it in a pot.]
- Hermes: And here's something. [He holds up a fossilized dog] Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs.
- Fry: Did you say something, Hermes?
- Hermes: [Hiding the fossil behind his back.] Nothing. [The dog lands in the soup.]
- Amy: I hate chiseling right after a manicure. Oh! Darn it! I broke off one of my fingers!
- Zoidberg: [He and Cubert are standing near the fossil of a long-necked reptile.] Look, Cubert. The neck on this one. I bet he spent a fortune on ties! [Cubert looks at him, deadpan.] What, too soon?
- Cubert: I highly doubt a Jurassic Elaphrosaurus has access to neckwear.
- Zoidberg: I knew I should have gone with the ring-around-the-collar joke.
- Bender: Hey, look! I found a robot fossil! [He picks up a spring.]
- Farnsworth: That's a bedspring, you dumb bedspring! There are no robot fossils!
- Bender: What? Who says I didn't evolve?
- Farnsworth: Everybody! Robots were invented quite recently. It was in all the papers.
- Bender: Then explain this! [He turns around and works on something. He turns around and shows the Professor. He has put eyes on the spring and mounted it on a plaque that says "I hate Mondays".]
- [Time Lapse.]
- Farnsworth: I've hit a rich vein of missing links. Java Man, Piltdown Man, Manfred Mann. [He throws out the skulls as he names them.] Eureka! [He is holding a skull.] It's the elusive missing missing link! This will show Banjo, once and for all!
- [The crew cheers from nearby, where they are eating their soup.]
- Fry: [He scoops up some soup. Amy's finger is in the spoon.] What the...
- Amy: Oh, that's mine. [She takes it back.]
- [Scene: NNY. Museum of Natural History. A banner reads "World Bone Premiere".]
- Bender: [He walks up to the Professor, wearing an under-sized Tuxedo.] Hmm, my tux doesn't fit. Probably because I've grown so much since I last wore it, or evolved, one much say.
- Farnsworth: One might not say that. Your tux doesn't fit is because you stole it from a boy!
- Bender: You mean a man! It was his Bar Mitzvah.
- Ben Beeler: Welcome, museum members. Or, as I like to call you, future exhibits. [The crowd chuckles weakly.]
- Zoidberg: [To Cubert.] He's good.
- Beeler: Tonight, we have a new resident here in the hall of Hominids, generously donated by its discoverer, Hubert Farnsworth. Ladies and gentlemen, Homo farnsworth. [A curtain rises, revealing the skull and an artist's recreation of the hominid.]
- Farnsworth: Once again, science saves the day. The end.
- Beeler: And now, to discuss the scientific implications of this discovery, our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo!
- [The Professor does a spit take His {{w|dentures land in a painting of a Tarsier].
- Banjo: Thank you Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all dis-proven evolution. [He pulls a cord and a painting of Homo farnsworth riding a dinosaur is revealed.] Behold! Homo farnsworth frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation.
- Farnsworth: I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
- [Scene: Outside Planet Express. The ship blasts off.]
- [Scene: Deep Space.]
- Farnsworth: Faster! faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.
- [Scene: Robot Planetoid.]
- Leela: Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless.
- Farnsworth: Not lifeless enough! Set up my shack so that I can kick you out of it!
- [Hermes sets down a container labeled "Blow Shack" and pulls the cord. The shack pops up and sends Hermes flying.]
- Fry: [Looking at a polluted pond.] Professor, is this your only water source? It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper.
- Farnsworth: It's not that bad. It's just laden with toxic minerals. But not for long. [He rattles a tube.]
- Fry: What's in the tube?
- Farnsworth: Microscopic Nanobots. [He empties the tube. The robots quickly start cleaning the water.] They're tiny robots I designed to eat up nasty irritants.
- Fry: Speaking of nasty irritants, what's going to become of Cubert?
- Farnsworth: Who? Oh, my son. Don't worry, he's been safely abandoned with his godfather.
- [Scene: Planet Express.]
- Zoidberg: Cubert, I felt we needed some father-son bonding time, so I found a couple of baseball gloves and boiled them up for lunch.
- [Closing Credits.]
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