Transcript:The Silence of the Clamps
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Transcript for | |
The Silence of the Clamps | |
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Written by | Eric Rogers |
Transcribed by | Sanfazer and Jasonbres |
- [Note: Section 1 of this transcript is based on an Easter Egg from Volume 5. Section 2 of this transcript is based on the video from the Countdown to Futurama post Magnificent Squeezers of 17 June, 2011.]
Section 1
- [Scene: A wedding party. Bender is seen walking by guests' tables wearing a jogging suit and gold chains with his antennae slicked back.]
Bender: [pointing at random guests] Ay! Oh! [takes a beer bottle from a waiter] Piscopo! [pointing to Mayor Poopenmeyer who is with the Queen of Yonkers] This guy! [drinks beer, stops suddenly and gasps]
- [Close-up on a fembot looking seductive wearing a wedding veil and gown. Cut back to Bender.]
Bender: Badda-boing! [his antannae slicks straight, he walks over to the fembot who is already dancing with a manbot] Hey, sexy, I'm Bender. What brings you to this tacky soiree?
Fembot: I'm the bride!
Bender: Oops. [slinks away and sees a familiar-looking exhaust fan] How 'bout you, baby? Wanna do it?
Fanny: [turns around as the camera zooms out to reveal she's dancing with the Donbot] Bender, it's me, Fanny!
Bender: You who?
Fanny: The Donbot's wife? We had an affair?
Bender: An affair, huh? [shrugs] Sounds like me. [to himself] Geez, I'd better be a little more careful. I don't wanna hit on anybody I already had sex with.
- [A ringing sound is heard and gets Bender's attention. Cut to the bell-shaped bottom of a fembot, who makes that sound each time her knees hit it. Camera zooms out as she passes by Fanny and the Donbot.]
Fanny: Hiya, Bella.
Bella: [waves] Hi, Mom.
Bender: What about you? You're my third choice.
- [Bella giggles and as she nudges towards Bender, her dress makes a deeper ringing sound.]
- [Scene: Exterior shot of r of the party. The camera pans over to a barn labelled "STABLES" like the "STAPLES" logo. We hear a lot of ringing coming from the barn.]
- [Scene: Interior shot of Stables barn closet. Bender, now stripped of his jogging suit and chains, and Bella are making love.]
Bella: Oh, Bender, this is all happening too slowly. Let's get married!
Bender: Quiet! I'm makin' out with a floozy! [resumes making love, but stops suddenly when he hears a noise] Hold your clapper, someone's comin'!
- [Cut to: Shot from outside the closet with a sign labeled "Sea Oats". Bender peers from the door and sees Calculon being carried off by Joey Mousepad and Clamps. The Donbot follows them holding a package. They stop under a sign that says "Do not put dry sea horses away".]
Calculon: Donbot, please, I'll pay you back as soon as you lend me some more money.
Donbot: Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this...because Clamps will be doin' it. [opens the package] Clamps, here are your new clamps.
- [Clamps lifts up his clamps to reveal they are old and rusty.]
Clamps: Clamps! [takes them and replaces his old ones and take them for a spin]
Calculon: No. [cowering away] No! [looks to his left] Line?
- [Cut to: Bender still peering from the door in shock as Clamps does his clamping silhouetted]
Calculon (cont'd): NOOOOOO!!!!!
Bella: [leaning in] Yeah, Daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses...
- [musical sting as the camera zooms in on Bender's look of horror, cut to Bella's face]
Bella (cont'd): ...and guys who mess around with his daughter...
- [musical sting]
- [Cut to: Inside the closet as Bender looks even more horrified.]
Bella (cont'd): ...and attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe.
- [Bender opens his cavity and takes out a pan of steaming hot meatballs. The camera zooms in on his even more horrified than before face as another musical sting is heard.]
Section 2
- [Scene: The Planet Express locker room. Clamps mutters while using his locker.]
Clamps: Four stinkin' years of clampin' school for this?
- [Clamps shuts his locker's door and continues muttering. Zoidberg approaches him.]
Zoidberg: Greetings, Francis. Sorry if I was a little hostile before, but snipping is the only reason I'm even tolerated around here. Not like you, with those magnificent squeezers!
Clamps: Squeezers? Squeezers?! They're clamps, you [beep sound]. [He grabs Zoidberg by the neck and pushes him up against the lockers.] And if I wanna [beep sound] snip with these clamps, I will snip with these [beep sound] clamps. [Zoidberg begins suffocating.] Why do you think they call me— [Professor Farnsworth enters.] Francis?
- [Clamps lets go of Zoidberg.]
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