List of song performances

This is the list of song performances made by the characters of Futurama, be they either original performances, covers, or alternative lyrics to existing songs. For the appearances of popular music, see the list of popular music appearances.

B

B-E-N-D-E-R

Original performance.

Performed by Bender in "The Honking".

Bender: B-E-N-D-E-R! Be-ender!
B-E-N-D-E-R! Be-ender!
Sayin' B-E-N-D-ER—
B-E-N-D-E-R Beeender

Bender is Great

Original performance.

Performed by Bender in "Love and Rocket".

Bender: Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender— [Is interrupted.]

Blowin' in the Wind

Cover of "Blowin' in the Wind" by Bob Dylan.

Performed by Bender in "The Series Has Landed".

Blue Tail Fly

Original performance to the tune of "Blue Tail Fly".

Performed by Bender in "Bendin' in the Wind".

Bender: Fry cracked corn,
And I don't care,
Leela cracked corn,
I still don't care,
Bender cracked corn,
And he is great!
Take that, you stupid corn!

The Bureaucrat Song

Original performance.

Performed by Hermes, LaBarbara, Dr. Zoidberg, Professor Farnsworth, Leela, Bender, and Morgan Proctor in "How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back".

Hermes: When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town
With a foot and a half of water
Everyone was alright, but I cried all night
It blew my alphabet blocks out of order
And they say this boy’s born to be a bureaucrat
Born to be all obsessive and snotty
I made my friends and relations file long applications
To get into my tenth birthday party.
LaBarbara: But something changed when my man turned pro.
Hermes: I was sorting but I wasn't smilin'
LaBarbara: He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks
Hermes: It's supposed to be about the filin'!
People,
We didn't choose to be bureaucrats
No, that's what our mighty Jah made us
We treat people like swine and make them stand in line
Even if nobody paid us
They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats
They say we're anal, compulsive and weird
But when push comes to shove you gotta do what you love
Even if it's not a good idea
Zoidberg!
Dr. Zoidberg: They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon
Professor Farnsworth: They poopooed my electric frankfurter
Leela: They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye
Bender: [deadpan] I am Bender, please insert girder.
Hermes: Everybody sing, Jamaica!
All: Jamaica!
Hermes: Just the bureaucrats — Jamaica!
Bureaucrats: Jamaica!
Hermes: The grade nineteens!
Morgan Proctor: [Indifferent.] Jamaica.
Hermes: Sing me home,
When push comes to shove you gotta do what you love
Even if it's not a good idea!
[Hermes throws Bender's memory disk directly into the slot.]
Bender: [louder] I'm Bender, baby; please, insert liquor!

D

Daisy Bell

Cover of "Daisy Bell" by Harry Dacre.

Performed by Bender in "Love and Rocket".

Danny Boy

Cover of "Danny Boy" by Frederick Weatherly.

Performed by Dr. Zoidberg in "A Pharaoh to Remember".

Don't Mess with Earth

Original performance.

Performed by the Head of the ACLU in "A Taste of Freedom".

Head of the ACLU: You can eat my dog,
You can eat my truck,
But you eat my flag and you're out of luck!
She's 'awaven proud around the world,
From Dallas to Ft. Worth,
Let me say it again...
Don't mess with Earth!
Don't-mess-with-Earth.
Kill Zoidberg!

Don't Worry, Bee Happy

Original performance to the tune of "Don't Worry, Be Happy".

Performed by Amy, Bender, Professor Farnsworth, Hermes, Dr. Zoidberg and Bee in "The Sting".

Amy: [spoken] In every life, we have some trouble.
Bender: [spoken] But when you worry you make it double.
Bender/Amy: Don't worry! Bee happy! [Bender imitates bongos.]
Professor Farnsworth: The landlords say your rent is late.
Hermes: You may have to litigate.
Professor Farnsworth/Hermes/Bender: Don't worry! [Bender opens his chest and releases a bee, which stings the Professor in the head.]
Bee: Bee...
Professor Farnsworth: Happy! [He swells up and explodes. Dr. Zoidberg appears on a stage, his name displayed behind him in neon lights.]
Dr. Zoidberg: Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style, ladies vomit when I smile. But does Zoidberg worry? Feh, you wish! [The bee stings him.]
Bee: Bee...
Zoidberg: Happy! [He explodes. Hermes skates into view, carrying Amy.]
Hermes: [spoken] Don't worry now, Amy! [The bee stings Hermes, who explodes. Amy skates up to the camera.]
Amy: [spoken] Okay, I'm happy! [She is stung and explodes, revealing Bender standing on the table.]
Bender: [spoken] Take us home, Bender! Don't worry! [The bee stings him.]
Bee: Bee...
Bender: Happy! [Bender explodes into a firework display. When the smoke clears, everyone is sitting around as if nothing had happened.]
Leela: [short pause, spoken] Uh, were you just singing?
Bender: [spoken] No, I was telling you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

E

The Elves' Xmas Song

Original performance.

Performed by Bender, Leela, Fry, Robot Santa Claus, and his aides (the Neptunian elves) in "A Tale of Two Santas".

Neptunian elves: We are free and fairly sober
With so many toys to build
The machines are kind of tricky
Probably someone will be killed
But we gladly work for nothing
Fry: Which is good because we don't intend to pay
Neptunian elves: The elves are back to work today
Hooray!
We have just a couple hours
To make several billion gifts
And the labor isn't easy
Leela: Then you'll all work triple shifts
You can make the job go quicker
If you turn up the controls to super speed
Neptunian elves: It's back to work on Xmas Eve
Hooray.
Leela: And though you're cold and sore and ugly
Your pride will mask the pain
Fry: Let my happy smile warm your hearts
Neptunian elf: There's a toy lodged in my brain
Neptunian elves: We are getting awfully tired
And we can't work any faster
And we're very, very sorry
Bender: Why you selfish little bastards!
Do you want the kids to think
That Santa's just a crummy empty handed jerk?!
Then shut your yaps and back to work!
Neptunian elves: Now it's very nearly Xmas
And we've done the best we could
Fry: These toy soldiers are poorly painted
Leela: And they're made from inferior wood
Bender: I should give you all a beating
But I really have to fly
Robot Santa: If I wasn't stuck here frozen
I'd harpoon you in the eye
Neptunian elves: Now it's back into our tenements
To drown ourselves in rye
Leela: You did the best you could I guess
And some of these gorillas are OK
Neptunian elves: HOORAY! (We're adequate!)
All: The elves have rescued Xmas Day
Hooray!

F

Frog Went A-Courting

Original performance to the tune of "Frog Went A-Courting".

Performed by Bender in "Bendin' in the Wind".

Bender: Froggy went a-courtin' and he did ride, uh-huh, uh-huh
Well, Froggy went a-courtin' and he did ride,
Blah, blah, blah, something, Bender is great!
Froggy went a-courtin' and Bender is great, uh-huh—

The Fourth Day of Xmas

Original performance to the tune of "Twelve Days of Christmas".

Performed by Bender, Tinny Tim and two other robots in "Xmas Story".

Bender: On the fourth day of Xmas I stole from that lady
Robot 1: Four family photos
Tinny Tim: Three jars of pennies
Robot 2: Two former husbands
Bender: And a slipper on a shoe-tree.

Funkytown

Cover of "Funkytown" by Lipps Inc.

Performed by Morbo in "Amazon Women in the Mood".

G

Greenland Whale Fisheries

Cover of "Greenland Whale Fisheries".

Performed by Bender in "The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz".

Bender: Oh, Greenland is a barren land
A land that bears no green!
Where there's ice and snow
And the whale fishies blow.

The Grunka Lunka Songs

Original performance.

Performed by Grunka Lunkas in "Fry and the Slurm Factory".

Grunka Lunkas: Grunka Lunka dunkety doo
We've got a friendly warning for you
Grunka Lunka dunkety dasis
The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis
Asking questions in school is a great way to learn
If you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke
We once found a dead guy face down in the Slurm
It could easily happen again to you, folks
So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut
Grunka Lunka Lunka dunkety dutt!
[break]
Grunka Lunka dunkety dingredient
You should not ask about the secret ingredient!
[break]
Grunka Lunka dunkety darmedguards
[interruption]

Hard ass

H

Happy Birthday

Original performance parodying "Happy Birthday to You".

Performed by the cast in "I Second that Emotion" and by Elzar in "The Late Philip J. Fry".

All: What day is today?
It's [name here]'s birthday!
What a day for a birthday!
Let's all have some cake!
Fry: [to the tune of the original] And you smell like one, too!

I

I Want My Hands Back

Original performance.

Performed by the Robot Devil, Fry, Turanga Leela, Professor Farnsworth, Amy, Hermes, Dr. Zoidberg and Preacherbot in "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings".

This song occurs just after the opera.

This particular song was nominated for an Emmy.

Robot Devil: [talking] Stupider? Pah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant! [He kicks the Holo-Robot Devil actor off the stage. The audience gasps. Fry stops playing and the holo-scene fades, leaving the Holo-Fry actor standing on the stage in his underpants.] Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel. That makes me feel angry.
Fry: [talking] Look, what do you want?
Robot Devil: I want my hands back.
[He laughs and columns of flame explode behind him.]
Fry: [talking] Never!
[singing] A deal's a deal,
Even with a dirty dealer.
Robot Devil: Very well,
Then I'll take what I want from Leela.
[The spotlight moves from the stage to Leela. The Robot Devil extends his arms and pulls her from her seat onto the stage.]
Leela: [talking] Whoa!
Robot Devil: Leela has promised me her hand.
Leela: Fry, you do not understand.
[The music slows down and the spotlight narrows as Leela walks across the stage.]
I should have revealed I've been deafened by Bender,
The shame,
The shame,
But I feared you'd stop writing this musical splendour,
Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender,
He gave me mechanical ears,
Effective though just a bit garish,
In return without shedding a tear,
I agreed that I'd give him my hand—
Robot Devil: In marriage!
Leela: [talking] What?
Robot Devil: You'd give me your hand in marriage.
[He gets down on one knee. The audience watches. Professor Farnsworth watches through some opera glasses which are just as thick as his normal ones.]
Hermes: Is this really happening or just being staged?
Professor Farnsworth: It can't be real—
Amy: Not if Leela is engaged.
Leela: That isn't what I meant,
That isn't what I signed.
[The Robot Devil takes the contract out of his chest cabinet.]
Robot Devil: You should have checked the wording in my fine... [He makes the contract larger.] Print.
Leela: [reading] I'll give you my hand...
Leela and Robot Devil: In marriage.
[In the audience, Bender reads from a dictionary.]
Bender: "The use of words expressing something other than their literal intention",
Now that is "irony".
[The Robot Devil pulls Preacherbot out of his seat and onto the stage.]
Robot Devil: I will marry her now and confine her to hell,
How droll,
How droll!
Where Styx is a river,
And not just a band,
Though they'll play our reception if all goes as planned,
Unless, Fry, you surrender my hands!
[Fry looks at the hands on his wrists. The spotlight narrows over him.]
Fry: Destiny has cheated me,
By forcing me to decide upon,
The woman that I idolise,
Or the hands of an automaton,
Without these hands I can't complete,
The opera that was captivating her,
But if I keep them,
And she marries him,
Then he probably won't want me dating her.
[The audience applauds and cheers. Nixon sits next to Morbo and his wife.]
Nixon: [hooting] Arooo!
Zapp: [talking] Bray-vo! Enn-core!
Professor Farnsworth: I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving.
Dr. Zoidberg: I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing!
[Leela struggles to get out of the Robot Devil's hold as Fry gazes at his hands.]
Preacherbot: By the power vested in me,
By the state of New New York—
Fry: [talking] No! [He pushes the Robot Devil away from Leela.] Stop! Take my hands!
[singing] You evil, metal dork!

I Love My Mommy

Original performance.

Performed by Bender and the comrade greeting card in "Mother's Day".

Bender: You created me, Mom,
So I guess you're to blame,
For the love that I feel,
Just from hearing your name...
You're as tender as corned beef,
And warm as pastrami...
Comrade greeting card: [short, cute electronic tune] I love my Mommy!

I'll Shoot Her With My Ray Gun

Original performance to the tune of "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain".

Performed by Bender in "The Series Has Landed".

Bender: Well, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes.
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes.
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun
Oh, I'll shoot her with my ray gun
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes, when she comes.
I'll be blasting all the humans in the world,
I'll be blasting all the humans in the world,
I'll be blasting all the humans, I'll be blasting all the humans,
I'll be blasting all the humans in the world, in the world.
[spoken] ONE MORE TIME!!!

In the Year 252525

Original performance to the tune of "In the Year 2525".

Performed by ? in "The Late Philip J. Fry".

In the year one-oh-five-one-oh-five,
If man is still alive,
If robot can survive,
They may find...
In the year twenty-five-twenty-five-twenty-five,
The backwards time machine still won't have arrived.
In all the world, there's only one technology,
A rusty sword for practicing proctology!
In a future year that ends with a twenty,
A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy.
He may look like a watery wimp,
When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp!
In the year one million and a half,
Humankind is enslaved by giraffe.
Man must pay for all his misdeeds,
When the treetops are stripped of their leaves!
Whoa-oh!

K

The Kwanzaa Rap

Original performance.

Performed by Kwanzaa-bot, Hermes, LaBarbara, Barbados Slim, Bubblegum, Professor Farnsworth, Dwight, and the Planet Express crew in "The Futurama Holiday Spectacular".

Hermes: I'm glad you all could be here with my family. Kwanzaa traditions are quite ancient, dating back over one thousand years.
Fry: Woah.
Dr. Zoidberg: If only someone could tell us more about these traditions.
Kwanzaa-bot: [He breaks through the wall.] Oh, yeah!
Dwight: Hey, Kool-Aid's here!
LaBarbara: No, child, that's not a made-up character. It's Kwanzaa-bot.
Kwanzaa-bot: And I'mma tell y'all how we celebrate Kwanzaa. Zoidberg, lay down a beat!
Dr. Zoidberg: How 'bout I just lay down?
[Hermes and LaBarbara provide backup on kalimba and drum respectively.]
Kwanzaa-bot: The seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa!
So sit yo' asses down and have some knowledge dropped upons ya!
LaBarbara: Kujichagulia...
Barbados Slim and Bubblegum: And umoja...
Hermes: And the rest.
Planet Express crew: Now we get it!
Kwanzaa-bot: Sit back down! There's gonna be a test.
My favorite's ujamaa.
Bubblegum: Cooperative economics.
Kwanzaa-bot: Yo, boondocks, I'm talkin' here! Put away the comics!
Ku'umba is another one, it stands for creativity.
Barbados Slim: Like the ever-changing nature of my sexual proclivities.
Kwanzaa-bot: I think there's one called "nia," but I don't speak Swahili,
Sumthin' 'bout a pine tree and a oil-wrestlin' dealy?
Professor Farnsworth: That's from Xmas and Robanukah, you plagiarizing lout!
Kwanzaa-bot: Yeah, I'm kinda losin' interest here. I'd best be rollin' out.
But before I go, the most important thing...
Dwight: What's that, Black Santa?
Kwanzaa-bot: You need seven Kwanzaa candles that you light up every night.
But they best be made of beeswax or y'all might as well be white.
Planet Express crew: They must be made of beeswax or we might as well be white.

L

Leela

Cover of "Lola" by The Kinks.

Performed by Zapp in "Amazon Women in the Mood".

In Zapp's performance, the character of the original song (Lola) is exchanged with Leela.

Leela: Orphan of the Stars

Original performance.

Performed by several opera singers in "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings".

["Scene 1. Wherein Leela Is Found At The Orphanarium"]
Holo-Vogel: Who is this one-eyed female baby Moses,
With courage in her female baby smile?
Holo-Orphans: A saviour from the stars,
Or something stranger still.
Holo-Leela: Or just a lonely, filthy, starving child.
[Another Scene: On the stage, a big green Holo-Godzilla holds Holo-Fry in its hands. Holo-Bender watches as Holo-Leela points a laser at it.]
Holo-Bender: Leela! Leela, Leela save him!
Save Fry, save Fry,
Godzilla will devour him,
As for me,
I must be off,
To have my doctor check this cough,
[He coughs.]
Goodbye!
[Intermission]
[Another Scene: Holo-Fry is seen together in Robot Hell with the Holo-Robot Devil.]
Holo-Fry: To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art,
I need hands of transcendental quickness.
Holo-Robot Devil: Well, I don't see any danger,
In gambling with a stranger,
For my head is of a most amazing thickness.
[He spins the wheel and falls over.]
I'm stupid, I'm stupid,
I'm stupider than you,
I'm stupider than you in every way.

For the song afterwards, see "I Want My Hands Back".

M

My Broken Friend

Original performance.

Performed by Bender and Beck in "Bendin' in the Wind".

Bender: People say my broken friend is useless.
But I say his mind is free.
There's lots of things my mangled robot friend could be.
Beck: Kick it!
Bender: Well, he could make a good hat rack,
Beck: He only has to stand there.
Bender: Or a cheap doorstop,
Beck: He doesn't need to move.
Bender: Or a great big giant thermos with a twist off top,
Beck: That would be good for soup.
Bender: He could be a storage closet for outdated pants.
Beck: I like 'em tight.
Bender: My broken friend could do it all,
Beck & Bender: Just give him a chance!
Bender: That robot has a tragic secret
That I'd like to share.
Beck: For real?
Bender: My broken friend is closer to me than an ass to a chair.
Beck: Mmmm.
Bender: That robot's name I never told you...
Beck: What's that?
Bender: ... you could not foresee.
Beck: C'mon, give it up.
Bender: I sing it loud and sing it proud,
Beck & Bender: His name is you and me!
Bender: Don't melt me down into a crowbar,
Beck: It suffers alone,
Bender: Just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs. [He starts moving his arms and legs]
Beck: Hey!
Bender: Or toss me into a trash can,
Beck: Bender, what are you doin'?
Bender: Just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs.
Beck: What are you doin'?
Bender: Don't crush me into an anchor,
Beck: Yo, what's the dilly-o?
Bender: Just 'cause I can't jump and dance and sing
I'm telling you, my broken friend...
Put your hands in the air like you just don't care!
I'm telling you, my broken friend
Can do most anything!
Yeah!

N

The New Justice Team Theme Song Part 1

Original performance.

Performed by ? in "Less than Hero".

Go, go, go, New Justice Team
Go, team; go, team; team, team, team
Who's that newest Justice Team
The New Justice Team
Captain Yesterday is fast
Also he is from the past
Not just fast but from the past
Captain Yesterday!
Superking has all the powers of a king
Plus all the power of Superman,
Also he's a robot
Ain't it cool? Superking, you rule!
Clobberella beats you up
Clobberella beats you up
Who does she beat up? You!
Clobberella!
Citizens, never fear
Crazy do-good freaks are here
Until they run out of steam...
Miracle cream, miracle cream
Gives the power to the team
Its effects wear off for sure
So they just slop on some more
The New Justice Team!

The New Justice Team Theme Song Part 2

Original performance.

Performed by ? in "Less than Hero".

Go, go, go, New Justice Team
Fighting justice is their quest
Superking, Clobberella
And all the rest
Here's to you new Justice Team
Do the things that make a team
Help each other do some things
Winners don't use drugs!
The New Justice Team!

O

The opening theme for Into the Wild Green Yonder

Original performance in the style of Frank Sinatra.

Performed by Seth MacFarlane in Into the Wild Green Yonder.

MacFarlane: You and I will be reborn
In a future place and time
If everything our Hindu brethren say is true
In an age of things that hover
You and I will still be lovers
And we'll say to ourselves
"That was then
This is too"
Heads: Doo doo doo-doody doo doo da-doo doodoo
MacFarlane: 'Cause we'll still find
The happenin' hot spots
We'll still cruise
The cool casinos
You'll still fly me to the moon
Although the moon to which you'll fly me
Could be Phobos or Deimos
The psychic worms from Rigel 9
Who control ev'rything we do
Will make us think that was then
And three thousand and ten
Is exactly the same as nineteen sixty two
Don't expect any changes, my friend
That was then
And this is too—!

P

Pharaoh's Funeral Song

Original performance parodying "Daniel", "Bennie and the Jets", and "Crocodile Rock".

Performed by Elton John lookalike in "A Pharaoh to Remember".

Elton John: Pharaoh, my god-king
you are cold and deceased,
Are you still half insane?
[pause]
Ph-Ph-Ph-Pharaoh and his pets
[pause]
But the years went by and Pharaoh died,
Suzy went and joined him in the afterlife.

The Poppler Song

Original performance to the tune of "The Sailor's Hornpipe".

Performed by Fry and Bender in "The Problem with Popplers".

Fry & Bender: Pop a Poppler in your mouth,
When you come to Fishy Joe's,
What they're made of is a mystery,
Where they come from, no one knows.
You can pick 'em, you can lick 'em,
You can chew 'em, you can stick 'em,
And if you promise not to sue us,
You can shove one up your nose.

R

The Real Slim Shady

Cover of "The Real Slim Shady" by Eminem.

Performed by William Shatner in "Where No Fan Has Gone Before", though spoken.

Shatner: [spoken] I'm Slim Shady. Yes, I'm the real Shady. All you other Slim Shadys, are just imitating. So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up? Please stand up.
Walter Koenig: How can you do a spoken word version of a rap song?
Melllvar: He found a way.

The Robanukah Song

Original performance.

Performed by Bender, Hermes, Amy, Leela, the Planet Express crew, Ruth, and Esther in "The Futurama Holiday Spectacular".

Bender: [spoken] Woah, woah, woah! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday but not for robot holidays?
Leela: [spoken] Oh, Lord, not Robanukah.
Bender: [spoken] I'm talkin' about Robanukah! The holiest six and a half weeks in the robot calendar!
Amy: [spoken] Pfft! That's just a fake holiday you make up every year to get out of work!
Fry: [spoken] Yeah, if it's real, how come there's no song that explains how you celebrate it?
Bender: [spoken] Because there is! Hit it!
Professor Farnsworth: [spoken] Hit what?
Bender: [spoken] I've placed instruments under your seats. Play 'em or I'll break 'em over your heads!
[Fry gets out a holophonor; the Professor, a fiddle; and Dr. Zoidberg, an accordion, and start playing klezmer music.]
Bender: Robanukah may sound as if it's Jewish,
But its ancient sounding customs are exceptionally newish.
So take a hearty swallow from your robo-kiddish cup,
Which will give me time to quickly make them up.
[Amy burps.]
Hermes: Do you spin a dreidel made from clay?
Bender: Mine is called a droidel and it's rigged to make you pay.
Amy: Do you eat these yummy tin-wrapped chocolate coins?
Bender: [spoken] Better!
We got fembots with illegal five-speed groins!
[spoken] Shalom, Ruth and Esther!
Ruth: [spoken] Why with the music so loud?
Esther: [spoken] Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here?
Bender: But by far the most important thing is oil.
Leela: To keep the lamp light burning or to help the latkes broil?
Bender: No, we pour the holy lubricant out from the sacred vessel
Into this blessed pit so they can wrestle.
Planet Express crew: The extra made-up touch that makes Robanukah so special
Is the oil in which the nasty fembots wrestle.

Robot Hell

Original performance.

Performed by Bender, the Robot Devil, the Beastie Boys, Fry, and Leela in "Hell is Other Robots".

Robot Devil: Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em. We'll find ways to simulate that smell
What a sorry fella! Rolled up and smoked like a panatella,
Here on Level One of Robot Hell!
Robot Devil: Gambling's wrong and so is cheating; so is forging phony I.O.U's
Let's let lady luck decide what type of torture's justified
I'm pit boss here on Level Two!
Ooh, deep-fried robot!
Bender: Just tell me why!
Robot Devil: Please read this 55-page warrant.
Bender: There must be robots worse than I
Robot Devil: We checked around, there really aren't.
Bender: Then please let me explain: my crimes were merely boyish pranks
Robot Devil: You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks!
Bender: Oh, don't blame me, blame my up-bringin'.
Robot Devil: Please stop sinning while I'm singing.
Selling bootleg tapes is wrong, musicians need that income to survive.
Beastie Boys: Hey, Bender, gonna make some noise
With your hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys
That's what ya, what ya, what ya get on Level Five!
Fry: I don't feel well.
Leela: It's up to us to rescue him.
Fry: Maybe he likes it here in Hell.
Leela: It's us who tempted him to sin.
Fry: Maybe he's back at the motel.
Leela: Come on, Fry, now don't be scared
I'm sure at least one of us will be spared
So just sit back and enjoy the ride.
Fry: My ass has blisters from the slide!
Robot Devil: Fencing diamonds
Fixing cockfights
Publishing indecent magazines
You'll pay for every crime
Knee deep in electric slime
You'll suffer till the end of time
Enduring tortures most of which rhyme
Trapped forever here in Robot Hell!
[Spoken] Of course, that's just for starters.

S

Santa Claus Is Gunning You Down

Original performance parodying "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town".

Performed by Amy, Professor Farnsworth, Leela, Dr. Zoidberg, Hermes, Bender, and Fry in "Xmas Story".

Amy: He knows when you are sleeping,
Professor Farnsworth: He knows when you're on the can,
Leela: He'll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan.
Dr. Zoidberg: Oh,
Hermes: You'd better not breathe, you'd better not move,
Bender: You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude.
Fry: Santa Claus is gunning you down!

Shut Up and Love Me

Original performance.

Performed by Wailing Fungus in "Proposition Infinity".

Heard during the closing credits. In the final scene, only the refrain is sung.

It was number 12 on the charts in 3010.

Chorus: Shut up and love me! Shut up and love me!
Wailing Fungus: I told you where.
I told you when.
I told you how.
And we'll meet up at ten.
But you keep on talkin'.
You keep on yackin'.
Chorus: Shut up and love me! Shut up and love me!

The Single Female Lawyer Tune

Original performance.

Performed by Bender in "When Aliens Attack".

This is the theme Bender sang for the hastily-constructed season finale of Single Female Lawyer made to appease the Omicronians who had invaded Earth. It is not known if the real show had a sung theme, or if it was anything like this one.

Bender: Single Female Lawyer,
Fighting for her client,
Wearing sexy miniskirts,
And bein' self-reliant.
[break]
Single Female Lawyer,
Having lots of sex—

The Street Song

Original performance.

Performed by Professor Farnsworth, Leela, Hermes, Bender, Fry, Dr. Zoidberg, Amy, Tinny Tim, Nibbler, Nudar, and Robot Santa Claus in Bender's Big Score.

Professor Farnsworth: I may as well jump.
Those sleazy naked Scammers
made me look like a chump.
Nudar: [spoken] Nah!
Professor Farnsworth: They robbed me of my dignity
And most of my stuff.
Leela: Lars brought me candy.
All others: Cram it down and shut the hell up.
Hermes: I can't compete with that.
He's Barbados Slim,
and I'm Jamaican fat.
Who would choose a backwards corpse,
with lice in his hair?
Leela: Lars says I'm dreamy.
All others: Who the hell cares?
Bender: Oh, won't somebody shoot her please
and put her out of our misery?
Santa: [spoken] That's my cue.
[All others scream]
Tinny Tim: [spoken] Oh, my word.
Fry: Lars makes me puke.
I bet she'd love me too,
if I was a bald-headed kook.
Leela: [spoken] Hey, guess what, guys.
Dr. Zoidberg: [spoken] What?!
Leela: While we were huddled in fear,
Lars popped the question.
Professor Farnsworth: [spoken] Congratulations!
Dr. Zoidberg: [spoken] Mazel tov!
Amy: [spoken] May stars in heaven bless your love!
Bender: I think I'm gonna cry,
'Cause it's an extra-happy Xmas this year.

T

This Toyshop's Goin' to War

Original performance.

Performed by Robot Santa Claus, his aides (the Neptunian elves), Kwanzaa-bot, the Chanukah Zombie, Nixon, and Leela in Bender's Big Score.

Santa: I brought the elves back from vacation,
Chained them up and called my holiday friends.
Kwanzaa-bot: Kwanzaa-bot.
Chanukah Zombie: And the Chanukah Zombie.
Santa: Three mad wise men
bearing murder and frankincense.
Neptunian elves: Damn you, doo doo doo doo.
Santa: [simultaneous] Shutup.
Now fetch those bunnies by the armful.
Neptunian elves: Says who? Doo doo doo doo.
Santa: [simultaneous] Says me.
Napalm makes them slightly more harmful.
No one here goes near that door,
this toyshop's goin' to war.
Chanukah Zombie: Talmud says be slow to anger,
Low-down scammers got me seeing red.
Got my TIE Fighter out of the hangar.
Jump back, Jack,
'Cause I'm Jewish and I'm undead.
Neptunian elves: Ten-hut, doo doo doo doo.
Chanukah Zombie: [simultaneous] Dreidel, dreidel,
I made it out of blasting clay.
Neptunian elves: You're nuts, doo doo doo doo.
Chanukah Zombie: [simultaneous] And when it's dry and ready,
for mercy they will pray,
I can't wait eight nights or more.
This zombie's goin' to war.
[Santa begins beat boxing]
Kwanzaa-bot: Ch, Check it out,
Kwanzaa-bot in the neptizzle hizzle,
with my inhuman beat-box,
busy building missiles.
They're guided by these cute dancing fairy figures.
Careful little elf, that's proximity-triggered.
I'm fighting back for Kwanzaa so the children won't miss it.
I'm confused about its meaning,
but I know it when they diss it.
So Santa?
Santa: Yeah, Kay?
Kwanzaabot: Cee Zee?
Chanukah Zombie : Hey, hey.
Kwanzaabot: Let's slay them pimps.
Come on, pimp my sleigh.
Chanukah Zombie: Easy with that toy artillery,
Torgo's Powder's deadly, but unstable.
Santa: [spoken] Can they sue for liability?
Nixon: [spoken] Certainly not!
Santa: Use as much as you are able.
Neptunian Elves: This bites, doo doo doo doo
Santa: [simultaneous] You signed away your rights when you were hired.
Nixon & Leela: Now, let's fight.
Neptunian elves: Doo doo doo doo.
Santa: [simultaneous] Okay, chestnuts roasting I'm gonna open fire.
Prepare for gore galore.
Santa, Kwanzaabot & Chanukah Zombie: This trinity's goin' to war.

Total Eclipse of the Heart

Cover of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler.

Performed by Kif in "Amazon Women in the Mood".

TV Party

Original performance to the tune of "TV Party" by Black Flag.

Performed by Bender, Professor Farnsworth, Fry, Leela, Dr. Zoidberg, Hermes, Cubert, Dwight and Amy in "Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television".

Bender: TV party tonight!
Professor Farnsworth: Eh wha?
Bender: TV party tonight!
Professor Farnsworth: Oh!
Fry: We've got nothing better to do
Leela: Than watch TV and have a couple of brews
Dr. Zoidberg: Don't want to talk about anything else
Fry: We don't wanna know!
Professor Farnsworth: We're dedicated, yes
Hermes: To our favorite shows!
Cubert: All My Circuits!
Dwight: Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad!
Amy: Scary Door!
Leela: Blernesday Night Blernsball!
Bender: Futurama!

W

The Wagon Song

Original performance to the tune of the theme from "Bonanza".

Performed by Bender in "Where the Buggalo Roam".

Bender: We've got a right to pick a little fight with rustlers,
Somebody wants to pick a fight with us,
He'd better bite my ass.

The Whaler Song

Original performance.

Performed by Whalers on the Moon in "The Series Has Landed".

Whalers: We're whalers on the moon,
We carry a harpoon,
For there ain't no whales
So we tell tall tales
And sing our whaling tune.

X

The Xmas Song

Original performance.

Performed by Robot Santa Claus, one of his aides (a Neptunian elf), Leela, Professor Farnsworth, and the Planet Express crew in "The Futurama Holiday Spectacular".

Fry: [spoken] Can someone please explain how you celebrate this crazy holiday? Preferably in song?
Robot Santa: It's the violentest season of the year.
Neptunian elf: Old Kringle-bot has come to spread some mugs of Xmas fear.
Robot Santa: Sugar-plummy visions will be dancing in your head
When I cane you from the comfort of my sled.
Leela: On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel,
Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel.
Professor Farnsworth: And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass,
It can be regifted straight to Santa's ass.
Robot Santa: But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial,
The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile.
The one thing that you need to make your Xmas day splendiferous
Is a pine tree; a pine tree that's coniferous.
Planet Express crew (except Amy): We have to have a pine tree as coniferous.
Robot Santa: [spoken] You're welcome.