Transcript:Parasites Lost

From The Infosphere, the Futurama Wiki
Jump to: navigation, search
Transcript for
Parasites Lost
Written byEric Kaplan
Transcribed byThe Neutral Planet
[Opening Credits. Caption: If Not Entertaining, Write Your Congressman.]
[Scene: Outside Greasy Sue's Truck Stop. The Planet Express ship flies along the Historic Root 66 -- a space road. C.W. McCall's Convoy plays. The ship leaves the space lane and heads for the truck stop and flies through the airlock.]
[Cut to: Greasy Sue's Truck Stop Forecourt. The ship lands.]

Man #1: [on radio] Breaker-breaker, this here's the Duck. Uh, you wanna back off them hogs?

[Time Lapse. Leela gets the Dark Matter fuel pump and starts pumping it into the ship.]

Man #1: [on radio] Ten-four, five miles or so.

Man #2: [on radio] Ten, roger!

Leela: Hmm, I'd better check the fluid levels. [She pulls the dipstick out of the ship and looks at it.] [shouting] We're OK on Coke syrup.

[Bender puts an Ethanol & Tonic pump into his mouth and use his fingers as a lighter to light a cigar. His fingers won't work though.]

Bender: Oh, man! Come on! [Leela pushes the dipstick back in. Bender suddenly explodes and his head flies past.] Comin' through!

[Cut to: Greasy Sue's Truck Stop Men's Room. Fry walks in and sees a dispenser. He decides to get a "Fresh" Egg Salad Sandwich. He inserts 25 cents and the sandwich comes out.]
[Cut to: Greasy Sue's Truck Stop Forecourt. Leela puts the dark matter pump back and Fry starts up the steps with his sandwich.]

Bender: What's that black cracker?

[Fry eats it.]

Fry: A tomato.

Leela: You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck stop men's room are you?

Fry: Eh, what's the worst thing that could happen? [He takes a bite out of the sandwich.] Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth and everyone's throwing up!

[Leela picks up a windscreen mop and flies up to the windscreen on a hover-cradle. She brushes of a space fly, a small ringed planet and the Voyager space probe. Sal, Hoschel and a group of other truckers watch her.]

Trucker: Lookie there! It's one of them things like on our mud flaps!

Hoschel: Yosemite Sam?

Sal: Stands back! I'm gonna puts my moves on her. [He wiggles his hips at Leela and hoots.] Whoas!

Fry: That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level!

[He rolls up his sleeves and then rolls up his trouser legs.]

Leela: Fry, please. That's sweet but I'd rather not even dignify them with an ass-whooping!

Sal: Hey, sexy mama, let's get busy and freaky in that order!

Fry: Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy and she wanted to make love with you?

Sal: Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck stop chick!

[The other truckers laugh.]

Fry: You take that back! She does not look good for a truck stop chick!

[The truckers laugh harder. Leela cringes.]

Sal: Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me.

Fry: She does too! She's loaded with meat! She's got more meat than a cow! [Leela hovers down and pulls Fry away by the hair.] Ow!

[The truckers laugh.]

Sal: [laughing] More meat than a cow!

[Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. Fry and Bender sit on the couch.]

Fry: I can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me.

Bender: Well there's always hope. [He pats him on the back and laughs.] C'mon, we gotta go fix the plasma fusion boiler.

[Scene: Planet Express: Basement. The boiler rocks and steam hisses from it. Fry and Bender walk down the steps and find Scruffy reading "Zero-G Juggs".]

Bender: Who are you?

Scruffy: Scruffy. The janitor.

Bender: Well why aren't you fixing the boiler?

Scruffy: Schedule conflict.

[He thumbs through the magazine.]
[Time Lapse. The boiler has stopped hissing. Bender uses his arm to wrench the pipes tightly together.]

Bender: There! Fixed forever.

[Part of the boiler flies off. Fry and Bender gasp. Steam starts filling the room.]

Scruffy: Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. [He continues looking at the magazine. The boiler explodes. Fry and Bender scream.] Oh, marmalade!

[Scene: Planet Express: Zoidberg's Office. Fry is sat on the table with a large pipe sticking out of him. The staff are gathered around. Enter Zoidberg.]

Zoidberg: Oh, the hypochondriac's back! So what is it this time?

Fry: Well, my lead pipe hurts a little.

Zoidberg: That's normal. Next patient.

[Sawing sounds come from the pipe and it suddenly breaks off leaving a hole through Fry's body. Bender peers through the hole. It suddenly fills itself in. Everyone gasps.]

Bender: He's a witch!

Farnsworth: Fry, did you eat anything unusual recently?

Fry: No.

Leela: What about that bathroom egg salad from the truck stop?

Fry: I've had better.

Farnsworth: Egg salad? Hmm. Zoidberg will have to examine your gastrointestinal tract. Come, everyone. Give Fry some privacy.

[He walks out through a door and everyone except Fry and Zoidberg follow. There is a large mirror next to the door.]
[Cut to: Observation Room. The others walk into a darkened room and take a seat. The mirror in Zoidberg's office is a two-way mirror and they all look through and watch.]

Farnsworth: If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen.

[The screen flickers on and a video picture of Fry's butt appears.]
[Cut to: Zoidberg's Office. Zoidberg examines Fry's chest with a stethoscope. He hears the sound of a truck reversing and beeping.]

Zoidberg: Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. [He holds up an endoscope. Fry opens his mouth.] Guess again.

[Fry's expression changes to worried.]
[Cut to: Observation Room. The others shovel popcorn in their mouths and watch the goings on on the screen. Hermes scoops some popcorn out of the box with a Jai Alai scoop. The camera pushes its way up the end of Fry's digestive tract.]

Amy: Gross!

Bender: [leaning over her shoulder] Go, man! Go!

[The camera continues burrowing through Fry's guts and the mesmerised crew tilt as the camera moves from side to side.]

Farnsworth: Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel.

[The camera pushes through a finds a miniature city in Fry's bowel made from cutlery he has been eating. Lights twinkle on buildings and a monorail goes past.]

Amy: It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump.

[On the screen little worms appear on the top of the buildings.]

Bender: Oh! Ew!

Amy: Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic!

Leela: So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were--

Farnsworth: Correct! Worm eggs! And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either.

[Enter Zoidberg who looks on the screen.]

Hermes: It's nauseating, mon! [He chomps a handful of popcorn.] Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots?

Farnsworth: Only one. We'll have to travel deep inside Fry, in this!

[He pulls a sheet off a table. In the middle of the table is a tiny green speck. The staff step closer to get a better look. Farnsworth holds a magnifying glass over the speck and reveals it to be a miniaturised version of the Planet Express ship.]

Bender: Shotgun!

Zoidberg: [almost simultaneous] Shotgun!

[He sighs.]
[Scene: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Bender, Hermes and Amy look inside some rucksacks as Farnsworth speaks to them.]

Farnsworth: In each gastro-survival kit, you'll find a rain slicker, a disposable fun camera, and something to protect you against bacteria -- a harpoon!

[Amy pulls it out of her bag. Pullback to reveal the trio are tiny droid versions of themselves standing on a glove of a net suit Farnsworth is wearing. The real Hermes and Amy also wear net suits while Bender is directly hooked into the system.]

Bender: Yo, old guy, why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids? Can't you just shrink us?

Farnsworth: Oh, my, no. That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money! Leave me alone!

Zoidberg: Me next!

[He steps onto a platform next to a machine. A ring rises from the platform and scans him. The machine beeps and a small egg-like object comes out the other side. Zoidberg pulls the top off the egg. Inside is the Zoidberg-droid. Farnsworth picks it up and puts it on his glove. His own droid walks towards the group .]

Farnsworth-Droid: Anyhoo, your net suits will let you experience Fry's worm-infested bowels as if you were actually wriggling through them.

Zoidberg-Droid: There's no part of that sentence I didn't like.

[Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. The table is empty. But...]

Farnsworth-Droid: Is everyone present?

Amy-Droid: Right on!

Bender-Droid: Uh-huh.

Hermes-Droid: Definitely.

Zoidberg-Droid: Yes.

[On the big table is a little table which the miniaturised crew sit around.]

Farnsworth-Droid: Here's the plan: [He turns on a holographic version of Fry's body in the middle of the table.] We'll enter the ear, drip down the back of the throat and make for the bowel. There, we'll irritate the pelvic splanchnic ganglion and cause an intestinal spasm, expelling, among other things, the parasites.

[The hologram shuts off.]

Bender-Droid: I'll tell Fry to wash out, among other things, his ear.

Farnsworth-Droid: No! Fry can't know anything about the mission. If he finds out, the worms will try to defend themselves. They know everything he knows.

Bender-Droid: They know how to make ice cream soup?

[Farnsworth looks up.]

Farnsworth-Droid: Leela, your role is to distract Fry so he doesn't notice what we're up to.

[Leela is still her normal size though from the droids' point of view she is huge.]

Leela: [echoing] Can do!

[She salutes.]

Amy-Droid: Leela, you should really try a facial scrub, for your pores.

[Leela blows and Amy tumbles away from the table, screaming.]
[Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. Fry sits at the table and drinks a can of Slurm. He throws the empty can behind him and picks up another one of the four cans in front of him. Enter Leela. She points at something.]

Leela: Look! A starling!

Fry: [looking away] Really?

[Leela blows the Planet Express ship through a tube like a blow dart. It flies through the air and into his ear.]
[Cut to: Fry's Ear. The ship struggles through a sea of earwax. Around it, earwax drips from the walls of the ear.]
[Cut to: Miniature Ships Cockpit. The Amy-droid pilots the ship while the other droids stand around.]

Farnsworth-Droid: [whispering] Sh! Be very quiet. We're in the ear.

Amy-Droid: [whispering] OK, Professor.

Farnsworth-Droid: [shouting] What?

[Cut to: Planet Express: Lounge. Fry turns to Leela.]

Fry: What about what?

Leela: Uh ... what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps.

Fry: I'd love to!

[He puts his finger in his ear and wriggles it around.]
[Cut to: Fry's Ear. Fry's finger closes in on the ship and the droids scream from inside it.]
[Cut to: Miniature Ships Cockpit. The crew grab hold of things to keep them steady.]

Hermes-Droid: We gotta get someplace where he won't stick his finger!

Bender-Droid: It's hopeless! Abandon ship!

Farnsworth-Droid: Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum.

[Cut to: Fry's Ear. The ship cuts through the wax with Fry's finger right behind them. The ship pops through the eardrum, leaving a hole behind. A worm on a crane repairs the hole immediately.]
[Cut to: Fry's Brain. Hermes and Farnsworth look out of the ship through the window.]

Hermes-Droid: [from ship] What are those worms doing to Fry's brain?

Farnsworth-Droid: [from ship] They're giving it a complete tune-up. A cursory glance would suggest they've doubled his thinking power.

Hermes-Droid: [from ship] My God! Soon he'll be smarter than Cher!

[Scene: New New York City Street. Fry picks some flowers from a stall.]

Fry: Ah, the scent of a rose. Curious how an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can evoke our deepest emotions. [He hold the flowers out to Leela.] For you.

[She takes them.]

Leela: That's such a beautiful thought, Fry. And what's more amazing, you expressed it without spewing crumbs at me.

[Cut to: Fry's Nose. The ship speeds through.]
[Cut to: Miniature Ships Cockpit.]

Farnsworth-Droid: Brace yourselves, everyone. We're entering the interior of Fry's nose.

Bender-Droid: We're at finger alert five.

[A red light engulfs the room and an alarm wails.]

Farnsworth-Droid: Let's just pray nothing stimulates the delicate smell receptors. [whispering] Nobody make a smell.

[Cut to: New New York City Street. Fry sniffs the flowers.]
[Cut to: Fry's Nose. Balls of pollen fly up and batter the ship. The crew scream from inside.]
[Cut to: Miniature Ships Cockpit.]

Zoidberg-Droid: Quick! We can escape through that nasal capillary into the sinus.

[Cut to: Fry's Nose. Amy turns the ship around and the ship heads for the hole.]
[Cut to: Miniature Ships Cockpit.]

Hermes-Droid: Strange. Usually you don't know anything about human anatomy.

Zoidberg-Droid: I learned it from a decongestant commercial. [echoing] "Soothing action, action, action, action..."

[Cut to: Fry's Capillary. The ship moves through the tube between two red blood cells.]
[Cut to: Fry's Vein. The ship is blown out of the capillary with the blood cells and is battered around the tube.]
[Cut to: Miniature Ships Cockpit. The crew hold on tightly.]
[Cut to: Fry's Heart. The ship flies in. The heart beats around them and the ship glides through.]
[Cut to: Miniature Ships Cockpit. Bender peers out through the window.]

Bender-Droid: Where are we? The ass?

Farnsworth-Droid: We're in the heart. Better known as "The Love Muscle".

Zoidberg-Droid: Where the food is digested.

Farnsworth-Droid: We should be safe, just so long as nothing makes it beat faster.

[Cut to: New New York City Street. Fry and Leela look down at a puddle in the road next to the kerb. Fry steps into it and holds out his hand to Leela. She smiles and takes hold of it. Fry's heart beats faster.]
[Cut to: Fry's Heart. The heart beats and the ship is thrown around.]
[Cut to: Miniature Ships Cockpit. Bender throws his arms in the air.]

Bender-Droid: Abandon ship!

Farnsworth-Droid: No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve.

[Cut to: Outside Miniature Ship. Zoidberg opens the turret hatch and scrapes cholesterol off the roof of the valve and spreads it on a cracker.]

Zoidberg-Droid: It's good cholesterol but it spreads like bad cholesterol!

[He gobbles the cracker. The ship flies past worms who are busy scrubbing the valve.]
[Scene: Fry's Muscles. The ship glides past some worms who are working Fry's muscles while listening to music.]

Amy-Droid: [from ship] Look! They're jazz-ercising Fry's muscles!

[Cut to: Miniature Ships Cockpit.]

Hermes-Droid: He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined!

Zoidberg-Droid: Gumbercules? I love that guy!

[Scene: Outside Construction Site. Fry and Leela walk down the street. Leela stops and groans.]

Leela: It's that jerk from the truck stop! [Sal leans against a barrier munching a sandwich.] Let's cross the street and try to blend in with that crowd of pimps.

Fry: I don't think so. [He marches up to Sal.] Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology.

Leela: Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. [Fry tears off his shirt à la Groundskeeper Willie from The Simpsons revealing what definitely are muscles.] Ooh!

Sal: I gots your apologys right heres! [He whips out a knife. Fry grabs his arm and slams him down on the pavement and kicks him in front of Leela. Sal lies flat on his back and groans.] Sorrys, ma'am. I've learnsed a lesson about not ogling cans that I won't soons forgets.

[Scene: Fry's Stomach. The crew look through the windscreen.]

Farnsworth-Droid: [from ship] Ah, the stomach: Scenic gateway to the bowel.

[The ship crosses a boundary and an alarm wails and red lights flash. Worm tanks follow the ship and shoot at it. The projectiles just bounce off the hull.]
[Cut to: Miniature Ships Cockpit.]

Bender-Droid: Abandon ship!

[He heads for the door but Hermes and Zoidberg restrain him.]

Farnsworth-Droid: No! Don't give up now! We're but a stone's throw from the pyloric sphincter.

[He points to a hole in Fry's stomach.]
[Cut to: Fry's Stomach. The worm ships continue firing and their ammo still bounces off the ship. The hole begins to close.]
[Cut to: Miniature Ships Cockpit. The crew hold on as they are thrown around.]
[Cut to: Fry's Stomach. The little ship goes most of the way through the hole but it closes around it. The worm's ammo pushes it through.]

Bender-Droid: [from ship] Hooray!

Zoidberg-Droid: [from ship] Hooray!

Hermes-Droid: [from ship] We made it!

[The worm ships crash into it and explode à la the alien ships in Independence Day.]
[Cut to: Fry's Bowels. The ship flies through the tunnels and over the worm city. It lands.]
[Time Lapse. The crew emerge from the ship with laser rifles.]

Farnsworth-Droid: There it is! The stately capitol of Fry's bowel. A heavily-guarded fortress surrounding the pelvic splanchnic ganglion.

Zoidberg-Droid: I've heard of that! Who said I haven't?

Farnsworth-Droid: If we can stimulate that nerve, the bowel will convulse, expelling the entire worm society.

Hermes-Droid: But what about the worms in the other parts of his body?

Farnsworth-Droid: Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards he'll be lucky if he has any bones left!

Bender-Droid: Alright, let's mush some worms!

[He cocks his laser and fires at the worm building.]
[Cut to: Worm Building Balcony. The Worm Mayor runs out onto the balcony and waves his arms around.]

Worm Mayor: Worms to battle stations!

[Worm soldiers lean out of windows with lasers and a fire-fight ensues.]
[Scene: Outside Coffee Shop. Fry and Leela sit at a table outside the café which is across the street from the Planet Express building. Fry takes a sip of coffee. He picks a bit off his muffin and tosses it to some owls on the ground nearby. They hoot and eat it. Leela pours another cup of coffee for Fry and herself. She smiles.]

Leela: I had a great time today. The flowers, the puddle, the way you hurt that guy. But can I aks you something?

Fry: Anything.

Leela: Why did you do all that stuff?

[Fry sighs.]

Fry: Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time but every time I try I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not.

Leela: What is it? Is it about Bender?

Fry: No, it's about you and me.

Leela: And Bender?

Fry: Bender's not involved. [He reaches out and holds Leela's hands.] Leela ... I love you.

Leela: You do?

Fry: Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have.

Leela: Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful-- Wait! Recently? Like since you ate that toilet sandwich?

Fry: Yeah! I don't know why but my life really turned around that day.

[Leela thinks for a moment.]

Leela: Stay here.

[She runs back inside the Planet Express building. Fry sighs and a waitress approaches with a jug of coffee.]

Waitress: Freshen your noc-a-tina?

Fry: Please. [She pours.] I need something to settle my stomach.

[Cut to: Worm Building. The crew sans Zoidberg have made it inside the fortress and continue firing at the worm defence. They stop at a door.]

Farnsworth-Droid: The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg?

[Enter Zoidberg riding one of Fry's sperm.]

Zoidberg-Droid: Yippie-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

[Scene: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Leela scans herself on the droid machine, leans out of a window and blows her droid into Fry's coffee cup across the street.]
[Cut to: Outside Coffee Shop. Fry takes a sip of his coffee.]
[Scene: Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion Room. The crew are still outside. There is the sound of a battering ram on the door.]

Bender-Droid: [from outside] One! Two! Three!

[The door falls in. Bender is the battering ram! He rubs his head.]

Farnsworth-Droid: There it is! The pelvic splanchnic ganglion. [They walk towards it.] Tickle it and get ready for the ride of your lives!

[Enter Leela with one arm behind her.]

Leela-Droid: Don't even think about tickling that ganglion!

Farnsworth-Droid: Leela, you're just in time to help. If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them!

Hermes-Droid: I call it "Caribbean Drain-o"!

Farnsworth-Droid: Fry will be stuck with the worms forever.

Leela-Droid: Perfect.

[She pulls out an axe and chops off the Farnsworth-droid's head. She smashes the rest of its body up, spins around and knocks off the Zoidberg-droid's head.]

Zoidberg-Droid: Ouch!

[She takes another swing at Hermes' head and with one swing, knocks off Bender's and Amy's heads. She continues smashing up the pile of droid parts on the floor.]
[Cut to: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. The crew flail around on the floor in their net suits then take off their helmets.]

Amy: I'm OK.

Farnsworth: Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever.

Leela: So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms?

Farnsworth: Oh, that's stupid!

[The door opens and Fry appears.]

Fry: If anyone wants to tell me what's going on here, I'll be in the lounge.

[The door closes.]
[Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. The staff sit around the table.]

Fry: Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell! They are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them?

[Leela trails her finger around the table.]

Leela: [sexfully] I'll think of something.

[The gaze into each other's eyes. Bender rubs his chin.]

Bender: 'Ello! What's all this then?

[Scene: Leela's Apartment Building Corridor. Fry and Leela stand outside her apartment. She holds the flowers from earlier.]

Fry: Apartment 1I. The old me would have made a joke about that!

Leela: [opening the door] I should warn you, it's a little under-furnished.

[They walk in. Fry stops and stares in astonishment.]
[Cut to: Leela's Lounge. The walls are white and there is a single chair in the middle of the room facing a TV on the wall.]

Leela: I'm thinking of having a window installed.

Fry: I think the view's perfect already!

Leela: Oh, that's the corniest thing I've ever heard! Let me show you the bedroom.

[Fry holds her back.]

Fry: Wait. In a minute.

[They sit down. Fry pulls out a case and opens it. Something blue is inside.]

Leela: A holophonor? Only a few people in the whole universe can play that, and they're not very good at it.

Fry: They don't have you to inspire them.

[He assembles the holophonor and begins to play. A flare of blue-green light comes out of the end of the holophonor and swirls around above Fry's and Leela's heads. The spiral opens out into an image of a formally-dressed Fry and Leela dancing on the rings of a planet. They dance and the planet flies away into the distance. The image fades to the night sky of a planet. The clouds in the sky merge into outlines of Fry and Leela. The outlines kiss and a flash radiates from their lips. The holophonor has changed to an undersea setting. Two seals that look like Fry and Leela swim around with each other. They swim to the top of the sea and leap into the air beneath the full moon in the sky. A wave sweeps past the moon and spills onto the shoreline. On the beach a clam shell opens and, in the pearl, Fry and Leela dance some more. Fry lifts Leela into the air and the pearl flashes into hundreds of white sparks that fall around Leela's head. Fry's performance ends and Leela is speechless. She takes Fry's hand and walks with him into the bedroom.]
[Scene: Leela's Bedroom. Fry and Leela make out on her bed.]

Leela: I don't have words to say how wonderful you are, Fry. I haven't felt this happy since double-soup Tuesday at the orphanarium.

Fry: When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday.

Leela: Oh, Fry! I love what you've become.

[She hugs him.]

Fry: What I've become.

[He sighs.]

Leela: What is it?

Fry: There's just something I have to find out.

[He gets up and walks out of the apartment. Leela stands in her bedroom doorway and watches him go.]
[Scene: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Fry stands on the scanner platform and the machine scans him. He takes his droid out of the egg and drops it down the back of his trousers.]
[Scene: Fry's Bowels. Fry's droid looks across at the worm city and walks towards the main building.]
[Cut to: Outside Worm Building. Guards surround him.]

Fry-Droid: Who controls this bowel?

Worm Guard #1: Who wants to know?

[Fry points at a gold statue of himself. Underneath the statue is the inscription "The Known Universe". The statue is in the same pointing pose as Fry is. The worms gasp and bow.]
[Scene: Worm Building: Mayor's Room. The Worm Mayor sits on a throne and Fry stands before him with guards around him.]

Worm Mayor: I am the Lord Mayor of Cologne.

Fry-Droid: You mean "colon"?

Worm Mayor: State your business!

Fry-Droid: Your Excellency, have you ever been in love?

Worm Mayor: No. I thought I was once but then I remember our species reproduces with a cloud of spores.

Fry-Droid: Well, a wonderful girl loves me. But I need to know if it's really me she loves, or just what you worms have made of me. That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave.

Worm Mayor: Listen, you: I was born here, I raised a cloud of children here, my ancestors came over here on the sandwich. [He draws his sword.] No one can make me leave.

[He gets up off his throne and lunges at Fry. Fry ducks and grabs a sword off the wall and begins fighting with the Worm Mayor. The Worm Mayor backs him against an elevator. Fry hits the open button and they both go inside, still fighting.]
[Cut to: Elevator. Fry closes the door, blocking out the other guards. He looks at the other buttons; Brain, Lungs, Liver, Ball Room. He presses the brain button.]
[Cut to: Fry's Brain. Worms continue to tune-up Fry's brain. The elevator doors open and the Worm Mayor and Fry continue to fight. Worms head for the fight, drawing their swords. The Worm Mayor grins as Fry is backed up against a nerve. He climbs the nerve and the worms follow him up. Fry reaches the top of the nerve and has nowhere left to go. He holds out his sword.]

Fry-Droid: Everyone out of my body or the brain gets it!

Worm Mayor: He's bluffing! No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself.

Fry-Droid: Obviously you've never been in love! [He cuts through the nerve and the worms fall to the floor. Fry swings on the cut nerve and lands on a catwalk. He runs along it, slashing nerves as he goes.] Ow! Ow! Ow! [The worms look up and gasp. Fry stands next to a lobe at the end of the catwalk.] Now, the hand-eye co-ordination lobe.

[He cuts it and staggers around, cutting some more nerves. He batters the catwalk.]

Worm Guard #1: Stop it, man!

[Fry hits the catwalk again and it falls. The worms surround him with their swords. He crawls into a corner.]

Worm Mayor: You've damaged your brain, Universe, but no more than a week of binge drinking or five minutes on a cell phone.

[Fry stand up and draws his sword at another lobe.]

Fry-Droid: I was just working my way towards the medulla oblongata, control centre of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me.

[The worms scream.]

Worm Guard #2: Wait a minute, man!

Fry-Droid: I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

[He holds his sword back over his shoulder, ready to cut the medulla oblongata. The Worm Mayor stares in disbelief. Fry twitches.]

Worm Mayor: Stop! We'll leave. [He puts his sword away.] But one day you'll be eating a fast-food burger and boom! You'll be crawling with us again. Ever wonder what makes special sauce so special? Yo!

[He points at himself. He gestures to the worms and they leave.]
[Scene: Leela's Bedroom. Leela is asleep on her bed. She is wearing sexy, near-see-through underwear. On her face is an open book called "True Stories Of Courageous Animals". She snores loudly. Fry walks in and she wakes up.]

Leela: Fry? I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out?

Fry: I'm about to. [He holds up his holophonor.] Leela, let me play for you one for time.

Leela: You don't have to do that. I'm still seduced from before.

Fry: Please, it's important to me.

[He plays. Rather than the soothing, romantic music that played earlier in the day, Fry now plays creepy, unromantic music. The swirls come from the end of the holophonor and the head of Frankenstein's monster appears. He groans and screams then disappears.]

Leela: What's that supposed to mean?

Fry: I don't know. I got nervous and I started thinking about neck bolts. [He reaches around to hug Leela but he knocks the vase of Leela's flowers off the table with his holophonor. The vase breaks.] Wow! Did you see that vase break? It was all like--

[He makes smashing noises. Horrified, Leela pulls the blanket around herself.]

Leela: What's happened to you?

Fry: Nothing. I got rid of the worms.

Leela: What? Why would you do that?

Fry: Leela, I had worms. I needed to know who you loved. Me or them.

Leela: Well ... which of you wrote me that sonnet?

Fry: I did ... I think. It was probably about 50/50. But that's how I really felt about you, I swear!

[He reaches out to Leela but she moves back and sighs.]

Leela: I don't know.

Fry: Please. Give me a chance to be romantic on my own. I've got a baggy of massage oil, and I'm gonna give you my super back rub, just like a I used to give Amy when I was going out with her, and she always seemed-- Uh-oh!

[Leela glares at him and angrily holds out his holophonor to him.]
[Scene: Fry's and Bender's Lounge. Bender stands in the doorway of Fry's room wearing pyjama bottoms. Fry sighs.]

Bender: Sorry you struck out, sausage link.

[Cut to: Fry's Bedroom.]

Bender: If it's any consolation, my life is great! Babes! Bucks! I got it all!

Fry: Well, at least I learned Leela's a lost cause. I give up.

Bender: There you go! [He yawns.] Goodnight. I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars!

[The door closes. Fry picks up a book called "My First Holophonor" and leans it up on a chair. He pulls the chair towards him and plays his holophonor. Smooth, harmonic music comes from the holophonor. The holophonor swirls form a pink ball in the air. A smile trickles around the ball. A single eye opens in the middle of it and some purple hair held up in a ponytail appears on top. Fry smiles and continues playing.]
[Closing Credits.]