Transcript:Meanwhile

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Transcript for
Meanwhile
Written byKen Keeler
Transcribed byJasonbres
[Opening Credits. Caption: AVENGE US]
[Scene: Earth's moon. Emotional music plays as the Planet Express Ship swoops by. At the moon amusement park, we see the glass-domed amusement park from episode 102. A sign reads: "Luna Park". We pan to a parking area where another sign reads: "Luna Parking". The ship lands. Bender cartwheels out happily.]

Bender: [scats]

[Fry and Leela in spacesuits step out behind him onto the barren cratered surface. They're holding hands. Fry looks thoughtful.]

Fry: Remember this place, Leela?

Leela: Yep. The moon. It's been here for quite a while.

Fry: Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together.

Leela: Oh, right. Man, we sure used to try harder back then.

[Without looking, Leela tosses a package marked "FRAGILE" over her shoulder. It bounces off a bin marked "Deliveries" and lands in the ground with a crash. Moments later, Fry and Leela stroll through the hubbub of Moon Street, USA. Leela holds a giant plush buggalo toy. The moon mascot, Craterface, is selling balloons.]

Craterface: Get your likeness in the form of a balloon sculpture! A cherished family keepsake for hours to come!

[Fry hands Craterface a bill.]

Fry: One Leela, please. And use your finest balloons.

[Craterface quickly inflates a fifty-foot long purple, white, and flesh-toned balloon, and twists it into an amazingly accurate full-scale Leela.]

Leela: Wow! You're good!

Craterface: Five years of art school. [laughs, then cries]

[Cut to: A carnival ride. It's a scrambler-type ride with 16 arms. A sign reads: "MECHA-HEXADECAPUS: Please barf with the wind". Bender, holding two corndogs, sits down next to Albert.]

Bender: Want a corndog?

Albert: Sure!

Bender: Then your mom shoulda bought you one! [munches it and laughs]

[Then Bender eats both of the greasy corn dogs. We pan over to see Fry and Leela in the next car. Leela still has her balloon sculpture and her big stuffed animal. A carnie lowers their lap bar.]

Carnie: Hold tight! The Mecha-Hexadecapus is about to flail erratically into action!

[The carnie throws a lever, the machine powers up.]
[Cut to: Bender and the kid. Bender looks queasy.]

Bender: [gags] Y'know, I'm feelin' a little... BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGHHH... BLLLEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGHHH....... BLLEEEEEEEEGGGGH....

[Bender vomits out a stream of metal nuts and bolts. We see a closeup of the carnival ride motor. Various gears control the spinning ride. The nuts and bolts rain down and one large piece lodges in the gears, bringing it to an abrupt halt.]
[Cut to: Fry and Leela as the ride slams to a stop. Leela flies out of the seat at tremendous speed still holding her souvenirs.]

Leela: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

[She flies through the air and smashes out through the glass dome. Air wooshes through the hole.]

Fry: LEELA!!!

[Sucked in by the crushing air, Craterface flies into frame and plugs the hole. After a beat, a beer bottle flies into frame and lodges into Craterface's eye. Bender laughs.]
[Cut to: A corporate office, a little later. Sign reads: "Luna Park: A Very Limited Liability Company". Inside, Fry falls to his knees and sobs.]

Fry: Poor Leela! I never even told her I loved her!

Bender: What?! You told her like 140 times!!

Fry: Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me. Oh, Bender, I always thought me and her would...grow old together.

Bender: [imitates game show buzzer] You gotta live in the moment, baby! And this moment, Leela's dead.

[Just then, two moon patrolmen drag in Leela's stuffed buggalo toy and drop it. Fry struggles to his feet.]

Moon Patrolman #1: Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is we found your stuffed animal.

Fry: What's the bad news?

Moon Patrolman #1: Your wife is dead.

Fry: She wasn't my wife!

Moon Patrolman #1: Oh. Then there is no bad news.

[Patrolmen exit. We hear sad music. As Fry sobs, suddenly a knife blade pokes out from inside the stuffed animal and rips it open. Fry gasps. Leela wriggles out holding the balloon sculpture nuzzled to her mouth and breathing air from it desperately.]

Fry: Leela! You're alive!!

[Fry hugs her, causing the balloon to fly around the room as it deflates. It lands on Fry's shoulder, now resembling a limp, shrunken Leela.]

Leela: She gave her life to save mine!

[Scene: The Robot Arms Apartments, night. We go inside Fry and Bender's apartment. Bender is standing absolutely motionless in his tiny room from episode 103. After a long moment of silence, there's a knock on the door.]

Fry: Bender, can I come in and talk?

Bender: I'm kinda busy!

[The door opens. Fry squeezes in with difficulty.]

Fry: Seeing Leela fly off the Hexadecapus and crash through the moon dome and survive inside a stuffed animal by breathing a balloon was a dose of reality.

Bender: [sarcastically] Come in!

Fry: All this time, I've been wondering if I can spend my life with her, but what I realize now is I can't spend my life without her! So tomorrow, I'm asking her to marry me!

Bender: Uh-huh. Good talk. We're done here. [Fry exits. The camera lingers on Bender as a single tear wells up in his eye. Bender sniffs.] My little meatbag's growin' up!

[Scene: Planet Express, the next morning. In the conference room, the whole crew is gathered at the table and Hermes barks out a command.]

Hermes: Computer, Jamaican joy juice! Hot!

[A mug of steaming liquid materializes in a glass bell jar on the table. Hermes shatters the jar with a small hammer, lifts the cup and sips. The professor enters.]

Farnsworth: GN, E! [He holds up a handheld device with one big red button and a green LED.] Behold, the time button! A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past! I will now demonstrate.

[He presses the button. A spherical blue aurora briefly surrounds the professor and he disappears. Everyone else reverts their position of 10 seconds earlier.]
[Cut to: 10 seconds earlier. Hermes is finishing ordering his drink exactly as before.]

Hermes: ...joy juice! Hot!

[The drink appears. Hermes smashes the glass again. The professor re-enters.]

Farnsworth: Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here, where I was 10 seconds ago!

Amy: Something's cool? Show it to us!

Farnsworth: Eh, wha? Oh, right! You were outside the button ball, so you don't remember a thing I said. Let's try again. But this time, everyone cram into my time shelter.

[He indicates a small mud hut made from a gloppy metallic substance.]

Bender: Oooh!

Fry: Whoa!

Leela: Nice!

Farnsworth: It's coated with anti-chroniton-resistant grout, to shield you from the effects of the button. Come on! Get in! Hurry up!

[The crew members squeeze in and peer out through a shimmering force window. Just then, Zoidberg enters the room excitedly.]

Zoidberg: Friends, I found a ten dollars!

[The Professor steps toward Zoidberg.]

Farnsworth: Ten dollars, you say? Let me see.

[Zoidberg takes the bill from his pocket.]

Zoidberg: It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi. But the money did not. [The Professor snatches the money. Pockets it and presses the button. The blue aurora surrounds him, but not Zoidberg. Zoidberg disappears, but after a second, the door opens and he runs in again.] Friends, I found a ten dollars!

Farnsworth: You found some money? Show me!

[Zoidberg turns his coat pocket inside out but finds nothing.]

Zoidberg: Awwww...

[The Professor waves his own bill.]

Farnsworth: Say, check out the money I found! It fell off a chump! [laughs]

Leela: Hey, Professor, couldn't you go back in time as far as you want by pressing the button over and over?

Farnsworth: Certainly not! Each time the button sends you back 10 seconds, it takes 10 seconds to recharge! [The LED on the device blinks from red to green.] There. It's recharged.

[He presses the button and the blue sphere flashes again. Zoidberg pops back to his previous position again turning his coat pocket inside out.]

Zoidberg: Awwww...

Bender: Again! Again!

[Fry raises his hand as he looks at Leela.]

Fry: Uh, question. What if you had a special moment that you wish could go on forever? Could the time button make it last as long as you wanted?

Farnsworth: Hell no! This button is for scientific use only!

[The light blinks from red to green and the Professor presses it again. Flash. Zoidberg is once more turning his pocket inside out.]

Zoidberg: Awwww...

[Fry stares at the time button deviously. His eyes narrow as in the Fry meme image.]
[Scene: A jewelry store, later. A sign at the jewelry store reads: "Ultra Guy's Custom Diamonds". Inside, in a close-up, we see the button in Fry's hand as we widen to reveal Fry and Bender at the jewelry counter. Ultra Guy, a seedy hoot superhero in cape, tights, shades and a cigarette steps forward.]

Fry: Uh, yes, I'd like an engagement diamond, please.

Ultra Guy: You've come to the right joint, Ace!

[Ultra Guy takes out a tray filter with lumps of coal and places it on the counter. Fry points to one lump.]

Fry: I'll take...this one.

Ultra Guy: Classy choice, chief! She'll crap her pants! [He picks up the coal and crushes it in his fists. He opens it to reveal a large sparkling diamond.] That'll be five bills. [Suddenly, Fry grabs the gem and tosses it into Bender's chest where we see many many similar stones. Bender shuts the door.] Hey, gimme back my stones!

[Fry hurriedly presses the time button. The aurora surrounds him and Bender. The tray of coal pops back under the counter. Ultra Guy disappears, then steps back into frame just as before.]

Fry: Hello, stranger! This is my first time here! Do you sell diamonds?

Ultra Guy: You've come to the right joint, Ace!

[He brings out the lumps of coal again. Fry and Bender glance at each other sneakily and laugh.]
[Scene: Elzar's restaurant, later. A sign reads: "Brunch Special: Filet of skeleton". Inside, Fry and Leela are at a candlelit table. Fry has an emotional expression.]

Fry: I guess what I'm saying is, the next time you almost die, I want it to be as my wife! [Leela gasps. Fry turns to Elzar.] The clam, Elzar.

[Elzar places a fancy silver tray for Leela. He lifts the lid to reveal a single footlong giant clam.]

Elzar: Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am!

[Tears well up in Leela's eyes.]

Leela: Fry? [Leela opens the top of the clam shell revealing a stunning ring with 15 diamonds on it.] Wow!

Fry: Leela...my love...[sniffs] will you—

[Suddenly, the clam snaps shut on Leela's hand, severing it at the wrist. Her bloody hand drops onto the table.]

Leela: AAAAAAHHHH!!!

[After a moment of screams, Petunia leans over from the next table.]

Petunia: I'll have what she's havin'.

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Oh, God! I ruined everything! I blew my one chance to Hey, wait a second! Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am! Fry? Wait! Allow me. Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh! This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet! I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York. - The Vampire State Building? - Uh huh. If your answer's yes, be there tonight at 6:30, half hour before sunset. And if my answer's no? Then just don't show up. I'll get the message. Big night, eh, Mr. Fry? The biggest, Janös. Check this out. What is that? Some kind of time button? Exactly. If she says yes, I'll use it to make the sunset last as long as we want. Strange things happen when the shadows lengthen. Janitor to the 237th floor men's room. Six o'clock. She'll be here in half an hour. I know she'll come. I know it. I really thought she was gonna come. I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future. This is the end. Good-bye, my love. Leela?! Hey! It's only 6:25! So why does my watch say 7:03?! Of course! My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button! So Leela's actually on time! Hi, Leela! Fry! It's okay, I'm gonna die happy! No, wait! I'll go back ten seconds till when I was on the roof! Rats. Guess I was falling for more than ten seconds. Hi, Leela! Fry! Everything's cool! Wait a second. There's no possible way out of this situation! Help, help! Fry! I'm stuck in a loop! This isn't the moment I wanted to last forever! Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oop! Careful. This is the most Quickly! Into the time shelter! Someone stole the Time Button, and they're pressing it every ten seconds! The universe is caught in a time loop! Then let's go out and stop them! Are you mad?! Because that would make two of us. Ugh! You're right. We'd never get anywhere. We'd just keep jumping back to where we started. Also, we'd die horribly! You see, we're shielded in here. So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than ten seconds later, the antichronitons wouldn't know where to send us back to! We'd be shredded across the time-space continuum like human coleslaw! Yum! Observe. Aw Listen, I know who stole the button. I wasn't gonna tell, because I don't like being helpful. But I do like ratting people out, so it was Fry! He took it to the Vampire State Building. We've got to get to him. But how? We can't leave the time shelter. Hooray! I'm trapped in a tiny fun room with friends! Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to. Fry! - Fry! - Whuh? Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop! Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry ♪ My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry - Oh! Fry! We're here to rescue you! Professor? Oops. Fry! Professor? He's he's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle! The button! I can still save him! No, don't! You'll shred me into a zillion It worked! But you killed the Professor! Yeah, but it worked! I died. I'm dead! I'm gonna die! Come on, come on. Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well Oh That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over. Ooh, I know! My airbag! Leela! I'm coming to save the day! Hang on, Fry! You're just one death away from being saved! And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go! We did it! Wh-What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen. What are we gonna do? First, I'm gonna get back these earrings I loaned Amy three years ago. After that, I don't know. This is surreal. Whatever we want is ours for the taking. Hello? Anyone? I guess it's just us for all eternity. Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. - What was that? - I don't know but I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning. Do I, Philip J. Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife? You do. Do I, Turanga Leela, take you, Philip J. Fry, to be my lawful wedded husband? Uh yes? Absolutely. There it is again! Leave my wife alone, you glimmer! It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it. Meanwhile, what do you say we get started on a very, very, very long honeymoon? I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janös poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, this is the one I would choose. " I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute. I guess we'll never figure out what that glimmer is. Nope. Pretty, though. Hey, hey, wait it's doing something! I'll protect you. Hi yow! Professor?! You're alive?! Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly-stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first. But it seems I was simply rotated into an orthogonal time that runs at right angles to this one. I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow. We've been right now the whole time. I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button. Oh! I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot! Oh, let me see that goes there lefty loosey, righty tighty, and fixed! What?! I could've fixed it that easily? You? Okay. I've modded the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast. It should rip us out of stasis, back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button. You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again? Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.