Transcript:Put Your Head on My Shoulders
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|Put Your Head on My Shoulders|
|Written by||Ken Keeler|
|Transcribed by||The Neutral Planet|
- [Opening Credits. Caption: Not Based On The Novel by James Fenimore Cooper.]
- [Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. On the TV the heads of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln sit on podiums in front of a red curtain.]
Lincoln: [on TV] Four score and 1145 years ago our forefathers' foreheads conceived a new nation.
Washington: [on TV] And this Presidents' Day we honoureth those values that my body fought and died for.
- [Behind the heads the curtain opens and reveals a car showroom. The salesman, a robot with pieces falling off, points to a car.]
Malfunctioning Eddie: [on TV] Values like this brand new Plymouth V'Ger! Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away!
Amy: Hey, let's go car shopping! My parents promised if I got all B's they'd buy me a bar, and I got all C's!
Bender: Mind if I tag along? I gotta bring my ass in for servicing. [He picks up a recall notice.] The recall notice says it could burst into flames in a low-speed collision.
Fry: No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately.
Leela: I'll get my coat. Let's go, Bender.
- [She taps his ass with a rolled-up newspaper and it bursts into flames. Amy, Fry and Leela recoil in horror.]
- [Scene: Malfunctioning Eddie's Showroom. A man with an accent introduces himself to Amy.]
Victor: Hello, I am Victor and I know many things about the art of unloading fine cars on beautiful women.
- [He kisses her hand.]
Leela: Uh-huh. Now tell us she's witty and sophisticated.
Victor: Ah-ah-ah! A gentleman always sells a lady a car first. [He takes Amy over to a car.] This is the Beta Romeo. Yes, the Beta Romeo. Note the cross-your-heart seat belt which protects, lifts and separates.
- [At the coffee machine Fry pours himself a cup. A salesman puts his hand on his shoulder.]
Thundercougarfalconbird salesman: Spotted her the minute you walked in, didn't you, sir? She's a real beauty.
Fry: Yup, she's beautiful coffee alright.
Salesman: No, the Ford Thundercougarfalconbird! [He takes Fry over to a car.] Nothing makes you feel more like a man than a Thundercougarfalconbird. So how much were you thinking of spending on this Thundercougarfalconbird?
Fry: Sorry, I'm not here to buy.
Salesman: I understand, and it's wonderful you don't care whether anyone questions your sexual orientation.
Fry: I care! I care plenty! I just don't know how to make them stop!
Salesman: One word: Thundercougarfalconbird!
- [Amy and Victor sit in the Beta Romeo.]
Victor: The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down and the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles. Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards.
Amy: That's an awful lot of eagle.
Victor: Yes, and yet--
- [He sighs.]
Amy: What's wrong?
Victor: It is just ... the luxury edition has so much more eagle. It saddens me to think of you missing out.
Amy: Oh, don't be sad. My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich.
- [Victor raises his right eyebrow and pushes it down again with his finger.]
- [Scene: Service Department. Bender lies on a raised platform and a mechanic drills into his back, causing him pain. The mechanic lowers him to the floor and he gets up.]
Mechanic: I installed shock-absorbing bumpers to reduce the risk of catastrophic butt failure.
- [Bender turns around and gasps at what he sees grafted to his butt.]
Bender: You, sir, have defaced a national treasure! I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory.
- [He gets back onto the platform.]
Mechanic: Alright. But sooner or later that ass is gonna blow, and when it does, I just pray you're not moonin' someone you care about.
- [Scene: Malfunctioning Eddie's Showroom. Amy and Leela look under the bonnet of the Beta Romeo.]
Amy: Smeesh, Leela! This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs. Victor said so.
- [Victor chuckles.]
Victor: [quietly; to himself] No dog food for Victor tonight.
- [Leela closes the bonnet.]
Leela: OK, the sticker says 55,000, but we'll only go as high as, say--
- [Amy puts her hand in the air.]
- [Leela sighs.]
Victor: Oh, I will have to ask my manager.
- [He walks into Malfunctioning Eddie's office.]
Leela: Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price.
Amy: I thought it was an auction.
- [Through the office window, we see Victor say something to Eddie. Eddie smiles and they both dance. Victor comes back out again.]
Victor: He is not too happy.
Amy: I'm sorry. 80,000?
- [Eddie's head explodes.]
- [Scene: New New York City Street. Amy and the others drive back to the Planet Express building. Outside, she prepares to park the car.]
Amy: Uh-oh. I'm terrible at parallel parking.
- [The car moves into a space sideways then shunts two cars in front and behind it.]
- [Scene: Planet Express Corridor. Fry and Leela walk past Hermes' office.]
Hermes: [from inside] And now you're asking for a day off? Get out of my and my sight! [Fry and Leela look at each other and shrug.] You're bogarting my patience.
- [The door opens and Hermes walks out.]
Leela: Hermes, who were you yelling at?
Hermes: Myself. I asked myself a Valentine's Day off, but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans.
Fry: Valentine's Day's coming? Oh, crap! I forgot to get a girlfriend again. Well, since neither of us has a date, why don't we...?
Leela: You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date?
Fry: Shall we say eight o'clock?
- [Enter Amy.]
Amy: Hey, I'm taking my new car out for a spin to Mercury. Anybody wanna come?
Fry: Yeah, OK. What's the weather like?
Amy: The usual: Boiling lead, oceans of lava.
Fry: So, what? Shorts?
- [Scene: Amy's Car. They drive across the Mercurial surface listening to music.]
Fry: Boy, this A.C. is incredible! [He shivers.] I'd better turn on the heater too. [He does and the fuel gauge starts to go down. They pass Hg's Fuel, the only fuel station on the planet.] [shouting] Boy, this heater is incredible! I'd better turn up the A.C. some more.
Amy: [shouting] Hey, how about some icy margaritas?
Fry: [shouting] Yeah! [He pushes a button and two glasses and a mixer comes out. The fuel gauge drops further.] We're slowing down!
Amy: [shouting] Don't worry. I'll hit the fuel guzzler!
- [She presses a button and the car accelerates.]
Fry: [shouting] Who wants pop-tarts? [He puts the pop-tarts in the toaster and turns it on full. The engine stops, the heater and A.C. go off, the mixer stops and the car jerks to a halt, then falls to the ground. Amy gasps and sees the fuel gauge is empty. Fry takes his shades off and sees the sign to Hg's Fuel; 4750 miles one way, 4750 miles the other way.] Uh-oh!
Amy: It's OK, I have an emergency phone.
- [She picks up a make-up case and applies blusher to her cheeks.]
Fry: What are you doing?
Amy: Spluh! It's a video-phone. [She presses a button on the steering wheel and a screen and dialling pad fold out. She dials.] Lucky I'm a member of the Astro-Afro-Antarctico-Amer-Asian Auto Association. [A man appears on the screen.] Hello? Septuple-A?
- [The sun beats down on the planet. Beads of sweat pour down Fry's face. He leans back over the seat and pulls the hood over the car.]
- [Amy finishes her call and sighs.]
Amy: It'll be a couple hours. Oh, I'm gonna get sweat on my sweat-suit.
- [She pulls the zip on her top down.]
Fry: Hey, tell me something: You've got all this money, how come you always dress like you're doing your laundry?
Amy: I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. [She scoffs.] As though!
Fry: I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the Pope?
- [Amy laughs.]
Amy: Yeah, and if you were the Pope they'd be all, "Straighten your Pope hat," and, "Put on your good vestments." [Fry laughs then Amy joins in.] You know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff, and junk.
Fry: Yeah, it's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff, or, whatever.
- [He smiles. She smiles back.]
- [Scene: Mercury Surface. Later, the sun is setting and the Septuple-A recovery truck arrives. A man gets out and sees the car hood is steamed up. He laughs, rubs off the condensation and peers inside. Amy and Fry each hold a hand of cards. The man sighs disappointedly.]
- [Cut to: Amy's Car. The recovery truck tows it.]
Amy: So while they're towin' us, you wanna do it?
- [They kiss and disappear below the seats. The man laughs again.]
- [Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. The next morning, the staff sit around the table as Hermes presents a chart to them.]
Hermes: Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night. Now, any old business?
All: [simultaneous] No.
Hermes: Any new business?
All: [simultaneous] No.
Hermes: Anyone spend the night together?
- [Everyone except Fry and Amy replies "No".]
Fry: Kind of.
- [Everyone gasps.]
Hermes: Oh, my God!
Amy: We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another.
Fry: And it led there again when we got home.
- [He and Amy chuckle.]
Bender: Congratulations, Fry, you snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich, she's probably got other characteristics.
Leela: Bender! Romance isn't about money.
Bender: Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease!
Leela: For your information, it's because he's hideous.
- [Zoidberg sighs.]
Hermes: Well I think Amy and Fry go together like a lime and coconut.
Farnsworth: Do I hear wedding bells?
Fry: What? No!
Farnsworth: Really? Oh, dear.
- [He pats the side of his head. Zoidberg sighs.]
Zoidberg: You're both very lucky. I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor.
Bender: Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? Hmm. I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I--
- [Scene: Courtroom. The judge bangs his gavel.]
Judge: $500 and time served.
Bender: Stupid anti-pimping laws! [He turns to Leela.] Well, pay the man!
- [He struts out. His two Hookerbots follow him.]
Hookerbot: Bender, honey, we love you!
Bender: Shut up, baby, I know it!
- [Scene: Planet Express Corridor. Bender hammers a sign on a door that has "Bender's Computing Dating Service. Discreet And Discrete" written on it.]
Bender: Ah, computer dating. It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head".
Leela: Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help?
Bender: Hey! Don't make me go upside your head!
- [Scene: Planet Express: Zoidberg's Office. Zoidberg files his claws while Hermes knocks on the supply room door.]
Hermes: [shouting] Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on! I need a stapler.
- [He struggles to open the locked door. Zoidberg blocks his way.]
Zoidberg: Stop! Stop! If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad.
- [Cut to: Planet Express: Supply Room.]
Fry: [whispering] It's working, they think we're making out. [They laugh then juggle.] Wait, why aren't we making out?
Amy: I 'unno.
- [They kiss and drop to the floor.]
- [Scene: Planet Express Corridor. Outside the lounge, Larry, Lou and a saleswoman from Alien Overlord & Taylor queue to use Bender's dating service.]
- [Cut to: Planet Express: Lounge. Bender has set up his dating service at the table and is about to interview a client.]
Bender: OK, Mister...?
Zapp: Uh, Smith! Zapp Smith. Uh, Brannigan.
Bender: Just check off the things you're looking for in a love partner.
- [He hands Zapp a sheet of paper.]
Zapp: Let's see ... Oh, yes! [He punches out a hole.] Yes, definitely. [He punches out another.] Oh, I'd like some of that. [Another one.] Mmm, I'll just have everything on the menu.
- [He punches out the rest of the holes and hands it back to Bender.]
Bender: Now to run it through our high-speed romance-a-logical data-fier. [He screws up the sheet and throws it in his chest cabinet and imitates a computer by beeping. He then pulls out a random sheet and hands it to Zapp.] Say hello to Miss Right!
Zapp: [sexfully] Hello!
- [He rubs the paper against his chest.]
- [Scene: Planet Express: Supply Room. Amy and Fry finish making out. Fry gasps.]
Fry: Wow! We're great kissers!
Amy: Yeah! Hey, later, you wanna drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at Jupiter.
Fry: Hey, yeah! I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century. Ah, it's cool how we sort of think exactly alike, and junk.
Amy: Yeah. Y'know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you.
- [Fry is shocked.]
- [Scene: Planet Express: Hangar. Leela welds a section of the cargo lift while Fry paces backwards and forwards.]
Fry: Everything was going great. Then, all of a sudden, she's talking about hanging out. Hanging out? She's getting way too serious. I'm not a one woman man, Leela.
Leela: You'll be back to zero soon enough.
Fry: Don't you get it? She's smothering me.
- [Amy walks past.]
Fry: You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work.
Fry: I'm doing my job, there's Amy; I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine, there's Amy; I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy, there's Amy!
Leela: I think you're over reacting.
Fry: Am I? [shouting] Am I? [talking] Face it, I'm a prize catch. [He belches.] I mean, I'm pulling down delivery boy money.
Leela: Fry, she's pulling down billionaire trust-fund money.
Fry: Then she wants me as a trophy husband. Leela, you gotta come to Europa with us. I can't be alone with her.
- [Amy arrives with a picnic basket.]
Amy: So, ready for a secluded picnic with just you and me?
Fry: Hey, you know who loves secluded picnics with just you and me? [He looks over Amy's shoulder at Leela. She shakes her head.] Uh, Dr. Zoidberg.
- [Zoidberg, scavenging through a dustbin, looks up.]
Zoidberg: Did someone say something about a free hot meal?
- [Scene: Amy, Fry and Zoidberg listen to Scruffy the Cat's Moons of Jupiter as they drive to Europa. They pass the orbiting Monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey which has an "Out of Order" note taped to it and drive across the icy surface.]
- [Cut to: Amy's Car. Zoidberg eats the contents of the picnic basket.]
Zoidberg: Mmm, I haven't eaten since Tuesday! Bird eggs, animal slices ... [He gobbles down the food.] ... dry woven reeds! [He eats the basket.] All gone! Can I drive?
Amy: No. So, Fry, you busy tomorrow? I got two tickets to the big ape fight.
Fry: Jeez, we're already planning to spend Valentine's Day together. Isn't that enough?
Amy: OK, sure. What do you wanna do for Valentine's Day?
Fry: Oh, so all of a sudden we're spending Valentine's Day together?
Amy: But you just said--
Fry: That's it, Amy, we have to talk. Zoidberg, you drive.
- [Cut to: Outside Amy's Car. The car tips as they change places.]
Fry: [from inside] Pardon me, excuse me.
- [Cut to: Amy's Car. Zoidberg is at the wheel while Fry and Amy are in the back.]
Zoidberg: Ah, I'll just turn the wheel to maximum fastness!
- [He turns it. Amy screams.]
Fry: Amy, you know how at first you like chocolate but then you start to get tired of it because it always wants to hang out with you?
Amy: Huh? You don't like chocolate?
Fry: Look, could chocolate just let me finish?
Zoidberg: Vroom, vroom! And the winner of the big car race is ... Hot Rod Zoidberg!
- [He mimes a crowd cheering.]
Fry: Amy, what I'm trying to say is, I think maybe you and I should stop--
- [Something in the front snaps. Zoidberg has pulled the wheel off.]
Zoidberg: Uh-oh. Here, you drive!
- [He offers the wheel to Fry. The car spins out of control, hitting chunks of ice. It heads straight for a huge mountain of ice. Fry screams and the car crashes.]
- [Scene: Europa Surface. Fry comes to. Zoidberg looks over him.]
Zoidberg: Fry? Are you alright?
Fry: Ow! My head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt?
Zoidberg: No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash.
Fry: How badly?
Zoidberg: That's it over there. [He points to Fry's headless body. Fry screams.] Don't worry, I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery.
- [Fry moves his eyes up and down.]
Fry: Where is it?
- [Zoidberg points.]
- [Fry turns to his right and sees Amy's head. Zoidberg has grafted his head onto her left shoulder.]
Amy: Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry!
- [Fry screams.]
- [Scene: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Farnsworth and Zoidberg inspect Fry's body. Leela tuts.]
Leela: This sort of thing always happens with office romances.
Zoidberg: Don't worry, Fry, we'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. [He lifts Fry's body up over his shoulder.] Upsy daisy!
- [He walks out of the room, hitting the body on the walls on the way out. Fry whimpers.]
Fry: Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much.
- [Amy appears to pick her nose.]
Fry: Ooh, sorry. I guess I control that arm.
- [He waves the arm around and hoots.]
Amy: So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed anyway?
Fry: Oh, that. [He turns and sees Farnsworth sweeping behind them.] Maybe we'd better talk in private. [whispering] I'll meet you in the closet.
- [Scene: Planet Express: Supply Room.]
Fry: Amy, I really like you, as a friend. But I think we're spending too much time together.
Amy: You're breaking up with me?
Fry: I just think we should start seeing other people.
Amy: But, I was really having fun. [She sighs.] If that's how you feel.
Fry: I'm sorry, but it is.
Amy: Well, whatever. Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other, you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day?
Amy: I mean, unless it would make you feel bad, being a third wheel.
Fry: Hey, I can get a date too. Now that I'm single, I'll attract all sorts of women!
Amy: With my body I think you might only attract one sort of woman.
Fry: [happy] Oh! [disappointed] Oh!
- [Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. Bender drinks from a bottle. Leela sits down and plays with his "Dating Consultant" nameplate nonchalantly.]
Leela: So, how's business?
- [Bender opens his chest cabinet, revealing a huge pile of money. He pulls out a $500 note.]
Bender: Are you familiar with my friend Al Gore? I'm tellin' you, losers get really desperate around Valentine's Day.
Leela: Yeah, it's pathetic alright! [She whistles. Bender hums.] How much?
Bender: 500 bucks.
Bender: Zapp Brannigan OK?
- [Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. Enter Leela who sees Fry and Amy playing table tennis. Fry sees Leela.]
Fry: Oh, hey, Leela, uh, can I talk to you for a minute? [He turns to Amy.] In private?
Amy: Oh, no problem.
- [She puts her fingers in her ears and sings to herself in Chinese.]
Fry: This is an emergency. Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm gonna be stuck there, lonely and miserable. Will you be my date, please?
Leela: You're too late, Fry. I'm sharing Valentine's Day with a very special man. He's not Zapp Brannigan or anything!
Fry: Then I have no choice but to do something so pitiful and embarrassing that I'm ashamed to tell you about it.
Leela: Bender's in his office.
- [Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. Amy continues to sing while Fry does business with Bender.]
Bender: I got your hook-up, Fry. Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you, I'll need it in advance.
- [Scene: Amy's Apartment. Amy dresses herself while Fry "helps".]
Amy: OK, Fry, we're done putting on the bra.
Fry: Why exactly did you shave your legs anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date?
Amy: What business is it of yours?
Fry: And another thing: You're using an awful lot of make-up there.
Amy: This is deodorant.
Fry: What does it do?
- [The doorbell rings. Amy reaches for her dress.]
Amy: [shouting] C'mon in, Gary! I'll just be another 20 minutes.
Gary: [from outside] I'll be waiting.
Fry: 20 minutes? You're practically ready now!
Amy: Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little.
Fry: Oh, God, it's true!
- [Scene: Elzar's Fine Cuisine. Amy, Gary and Fry sit at a table. Fry eats a hamburger.]
Gary: That dress looks great on you.
Amy: [simultaneous] Thanks.
Fry: [simultaneous] Thanks. [He watches the door.] Where is she?
Gary: I must say, Amy, you're all made up, just like Fry's date. Get it?
- [Amy shakes her head.]
Fry: I've got a date. She'll be along any minute.
- [Enter Bender with an old woman.]
Bender: Fry, look who I found! It's Petunia, your dream girl!
Petunia: How's them eats?
Petunia: Don't mind if I do. [She puts the hamburger into her handbag.] Kids'll be hungry.
Fry: [whispering] She seems a little old for me.
Bender: She is well-travelled. And I don't mean she travels a lot!
Petunia: Wheels fell off my house.
Bender: Now how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop!
Gary: I'll take one.
Fry: Oh, yeah? Well I want one too.
Bender: Eight bucks.
Fry: But you just said--
Bender: Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it!
- [On another table, Leela sits alone. She sighs. Bender arrives.]
Bender: Leela, meet your future husband Sal.
- [Sal wears blue overalls and has a cigarette in his mouth. He cringes.]
Sal: Nice eyeball, eyeball.
Leela: Nice ass, ass.
Bender: Ooh, sparks! [whispering] Buy her a rose, I guarantee she'll put out!
- [Sal considers then sits down.]
Sal: Eh, I'll take my chances.
- [Time Lapse. Bender's other clients are also there. Larry eats from Hattie's fork and Zapp makes a toast with his woman who has a five-o'clock shadow.]
Petunia: So tell me about your prospects. You a good gambler?
Fry: Well, ma'am, I--
Petunia: What's your game? Bingo? Keno? Wait a minute! You don't have your own body.
Fry: No, but I control this arm.
Petunia: Slots player, huh? Sorry, but I think I can do better.
- [She gets up from the table.]
Fry: Wait, come back, uh, darling.
Petunia: Can't, hon', I gotta catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you goodnight but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump.
- [She walks towards the exit.]
Sal: So anyways, Leela, I'd love to take a whack at ya but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't goin' nowheres without yours truly behinds the wheel.
Petunia: Excuse me, did you say "10:15 to Nutley"?
Sal: Why, yes I dids.
- [They stare into each others eyes and passionately kiss. Leela turns to Bender.]
Leela: [whispering] Bender! Did you just round up our dates at the bus station?
Bender: Of course not.
Sal: [shouting] Anybodys else for Nutley?
- [Bender's customers get up and head for the door. Zapp's date also leaves.]
Zapp: Baby, wait! You didn't show me your surprise.
- [Gary has his arm around Amy.]
Gary: [whispering] You know what I'd like to do...?
Fry: Oh, jeez, get a room!
Gary: Maybe later.
- [Fry is shocked.]
Fry: Hey, I have an idea: Let's all go out for ice cream.
Gary: Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee.
Amy: I don't really like coffee.
Gary: Neither do I.
- [Fry is shocked again.]
Amy: Ooh, I feel a little tipsy!
- [Fry is shocked again.]
Gary: Let me pick up the check.
Fry: Nooo! [Gary drops his card onto the check.] That's it I'm gettin' the hell outta here. [He tugs at his head.] Ooh! Ow!
- [Leela hears Fry and walks to their table just as Amy and Gary are about to leave.]
Leela: Why, if it isn't my favourite head on Amy's body: Fry.
Fry: Oh, Leela!
Amy: We were just on our way out.
Leela: Nonsense, the evening's young. So, Gary, what do you do for a living?
Gary: I'm a banking industry regulator.
- [Amy sighs.]
Leela: Really? Y'know, I heard that banking industry regulations are really very simple.
Gary: Oh, no, that's not true. You see, modern banking regulations are a product of five different regulatory traditions. Six if you wanna get technical.
Leela: Oh, I do.
Gary: It all began in 1410 when a number of noblemen convened...
- [Fry and Leela look at each other.]
Fry: [whispering] Thank you.
- [They smile.]
- [Scene: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Zoidberg finishes stitching Fry's head to his neck.]
Zoidberg: There you are, good as new. Except for your dorsal fin. I'm afraid I couldn't find it after the crash.
Fry: Can I live without it?
Zoidberg: If you call that living.
Farnsworth: I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser cannon onto your chest. To crush those who disobey you. [He sighs.] But I guess we're just two different people.
- [He and Zoidberg leave.]
Fry: So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy. And I hope there are no hard feelings about your date, or stuff.
Amy: It's OK, I had fun. And if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you.
- [They smile. Amy leaves. Fry sighs.]
Fry: Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back.
- [He yawns, stretches and pats his chest. He looks down and sighs. Enter Leela and Bender.]
Leela: So how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up OK?
- [Fry stands up.]
Fry: Seems to be. My neck's just a little tender. [He touches his neck and kicks himself.] Ow! Cool! [He does it again.] Ow! Listen, Leela. Thanks for rescuing me last night.
Leela: Anytime. I actually enjoyed hanging out with you.
- [Enter Bender, counting his profits.]
Bender: Yep, everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender.
Leela: Come on! It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together.
Bender: Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I?
- [He winks and a heart wipe closes the scene but opens up again.]
Leela: No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money!
Bender: True. But in the end, isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about?
Fry: I guess so. [Bender laughs and puts his arms around Fry and Leela and pats them.] Watch the neck! Watch the neck!
- [He kicks Bender's ass and it sparks.]
Bender: My ass! My beautiful ass!
- [It explodes.]
- [Closing Credits.]
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