Difference between revisions of "Transcript:A Clockwork Origin"
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{{working|Teyrn of Highever}} | {{working|Teyrn of Highever}} | ||
:[Opening Credits: This time, it's personal.] | :[Opening Credits: This time, it's personal.] | ||
:''['''Scene:''' [[Planet Express]], Meeting Room. The [[Planet Express Crew|crew]] are sitting at the table.]'' | |||
:'''[Hermes]''': Item one... Duck! ''[Most duck just in time, but Bender is clipped by [[Cubert]] on a [[party board]]. | |||
:'''[[Prof. Farnsworth]]''': Cubert, you crapscallion! What aren't you in [[Wozniak Nerd Academy|school]]? | |||
:'''Cubert''': I couldn't get past the protesters. A bunch of smiling, angry people were handing out these {{w|anti-evolution}} flyers. | |||
:''[He shows the Professor one. It shows a woman spanking a man wearing a dunce cap that says "{{w|Darwin}}". It reads, "Teach truth, not evolution. Also bring back spanking".]'' | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': ''[He gasps.]'' {{w|Evolution}} is under attack at our schools? To the ''science mobile''. | |||
:'''[[Leela]]''': You mean the [[Planet Express Ship|ship]]? | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': Yes. The science mobile! | |||
:'''Leela''' It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay. | |||
:''['''Scene:''' Space. The ship lands at Wozniak Nerd Academy.]'' | |||
:''['''Scene:''' Wozniak Nerd Academy. Go Flinchers! | |||
:'''Woman''': I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it! We will not give in to the thinkers! | |||
:''[The crowd listening cheers]'' | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': ''[Walking to the podium.]'' You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your {{w|turnip}} trucks and go home! | |||
:''[The crowd boos.]'' | |||
:'''Turnip Farmer''': ''[Standing in front of a turnip truck.]'' That is an insulting accurate stereotype, sir! | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': As a professor of science, I assure you we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey-men. | |||
:'''[[Dr. Banjo]]'': I can't speak for you, sir, but mine ancestors were not monkeys. They were orangutans. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans. | |||
:'''[An orangutan walks up from the crowd. He is wearing a suit and glasses.]'' | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': Dr. Banjo? | |||
:'''Dr. Banjo''': In the fur. And I remind you that evolution is merely a {{w|Scientific theory|theory}}. Like {{w|gravity}}, or the shape of the [[Earth]]. | |||
:''[The crowd cheers again.]'' | |||
:'''[[Flying Spaghetti Monster]]''': Hey, Professor, I'm a [[flying spaghetti monster {species)|flying spaghetti monster]]. You seriously saying that I descended from some kind of flightless {{w|manicotti}}? | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': Yes! | |||
:'''Banjo''': Oh, please. A far more logical explanation is the undisprovable science of {{w|Creationism|Creatureism}}. All life was created in its present form seven thousand years ago, by a fantastical creature from outer space! | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': Bunk! | |||
:'''Banjo''': Oh! ''[He shows a [[hologram]] of a [[humans|man]] and a {{w|Chimpanzee}}, with a backwards {{w|prohibition sign}} running through an arrow.]'' If you elitist, East Coast evolution is real, why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient {{w|Great Apes|apes}}? | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': We did find it! ''[The arrow is replaced by {{w|Homo erectus}}.]'' It's called ''Homo erectus''! | |||
:'''Banjo''': Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found a link between apes and this ''Homo erectus''. ''[The arrow is put between before ''Homo erectus''.] | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': Yes, they have! ''[The hologram fills in again.]'' It's called ''{{w|Homo habilis}}''! | |||
:'''Banjo''': Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so called ''Homo habilis''. | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': Yes, they have! ''[The hologram fills in.]'' It's called {{w|Australopithicus africanus}}! | |||
:'''Banjo''': Oh-ho! I've got you now! ''[Time Lapse. The hologram now shows 19 different species of ape. Only the Fry and Leela are still there.]'' Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this ''{{w|Darwinius masillae}}? Answer me that, Professor! | |||
:'''Farnsworth''': Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist! | |||
:'''Banjo''': ''[He scoffs.]'' Things don't exist simply because you believe in them. Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky! | |||
:''[Closing Credits.]'' | :''[Closing Credits.]'' | ||
Revision as of 23:59, 11 March 2011
| ← Previous | Navigation in production order | Next → |
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| Transcript for | |
| A Clockwork Origin | |
|---|---|
| Written by | Dan Vebber |
| Transcribed by | Teyrn of Highever |
|
- [Opening Credits: This time, it's personal.]
- [Scene: Planet Express, Meeting Room. The crew are sitting at the table.]
- [Hermes]: Item one... Duck! [Most duck just in time, but Bender is clipped by Cubert on a party board.
- Prof. Farnsworth: Cubert, you crapscallion! What aren't you in school?
- Cubert: I couldn't get past the protesters. A bunch of smiling, angry people were handing out these anti-evolution flyers.
- [He shows the Professor one. It shows a woman spanking a man wearing a dunce cap that says "Darwin". It reads, "Teach truth, not evolution. Also bring back spanking".]
- Farnsworth: [He gasps.] Evolution is under attack at our schools? To the science mobile.
- Leela: You mean the ship?
- Farnsworth: Yes. The science mobile!
- Leela It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.
- [Scene: Space. The ship lands at Wozniak Nerd Academy.]
- [Scene: Wozniak Nerd Academy. Go Flinchers!
- Woman: I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it! We will not give in to the thinkers!
- [The crowd listening cheers]
- Farnsworth: [Walking to the podium.] You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home!
- [The crowd boos.]
- Turnip Farmer: [Standing in front of a turnip truck.] That is an insulting accurate stereotype, sir!
- Farnsworth: As a professor of science, I assure you we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey-men.
- 'Dr. Banjo: I can't speak for you, sir, but mine ancestors were not monkeys. They were orangutans. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans.
- '[An orangutan walks up from the crowd. He is wearing a suit and glasses.]
- Farnsworth: Dr. Banjo?
- Dr. Banjo: In the fur. And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory. Like gravity, or the shape of the Earth.
- [The crowd cheers again.]
- Flying Spaghetti Monster: Hey, Professor, I'm a [[flying spaghetti monster {species)|flying spaghetti monster]]. You seriously saying that I descended from some kind of flightless manicotti?
- Farnsworth: Yes!
- Banjo: Oh, please. A far more logical explanation is the undisprovable science of Creatureism. All life was created in its present form seven thousand years ago, by a fantastical creature from outer space!
- Farnsworth: Bunk!
- Banjo: Oh! [He shows a hologram of a man and a Chimpanzee, with a backwards prohibition sign running through an arrow.] If you elitist, East Coast evolution is real, why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient apes?
- Farnsworth: We did find it! [The arrow is replaced by Homo erectus.] It's called Homo erectus!
- Banjo: Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found a link between apes and this Homo erectus. [The arrow is put between before Homo erectus.]
- Farnsworth: Yes, they have! [The hologram fills in again.] It's called Homo habilis!
- Banjo: Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so called Homo habilis.
- Farnsworth: Yes, they have! [The hologram fills in.] It's called Australopithicus africanus!
- Banjo: Oh-ho! I've got you now! [Time Lapse. The hologram now shows 19 different species of ape. Only the Fry and Leela are still there.] Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor!
- Farnsworth: Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist!
- Banjo: [He scoffs.] Things don't exist simply because you believe in them. Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!
- [Closing Credits.]
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