Transcript:Simpsorama

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Transcript for
Simpsorama
Written by	J. Stewart Burns
Transcribed by	Jasonbres

[Opening Credits. Caption: A SHOW OUT OF IDEAS TEAMS UP WITH A SHOW OUT OF EPISODES.]

[Scene: The Simpsons sit on the couch, but it transforms into Hedonismbot.]

Hedonismbot: Ooh! Wiggle in. Get comfortable.

Marge: Aaah!

Homer: Hey, a couch is a couch.

[Homer makes himself comfortable as Hedonismbot changes the lightbulb from opaque to red. He takes off Homer's shirt and massages him.]

Homer: Oh! Oh!

Hedonismbot: Yes.

[Hedonismbot feeds Homer grapes and begins to rumble away.]

Homer: [offscreen] Woohoo!

[Scene: Springfield Elementary.]

Skinner: Uh, students, each one of you has been assigned the mandatory honor of contributing to the Springfield Time Capsule, where your arcana will lie dormant until the 31st century.
[He taps on the box and the "Springfield Time Capsule" sign falls off revealing a sign that says "Civil War Coffin". Skinner puts the sign back on the box.]
<poem>Skinner: And, uh... [gets pummeled by a spitball]

Chalmers: By the time you finish talking, we're gonna be opening this damn capsule.

Skinner: Right. Time capsule. Nelson, give me something.

Nelson: [showing a still frame from a security camera of a robber] I brought a picture of my dad. He's still at large.... [voice breaking] in my heart.

[Nelson puts the picture in the box.]

Millhouse: I brought my lucky rabbit's foot. I can have good luck without it. [puts the charm in the box, and his pants fall on the floor, and the box's lid slams on his nose] Ow!

Nelson: Wish we could put this moment in the time capsule.

[Zoom out to reveal black and white footage on a TV monitor.]

Chalmers: Consider it done.

[He ejects the VCR revealing a video labeled "Grade 4 Surveillance Video and puts it in the capsule.]

Skinner: Uh, how 'bout you, Bart? Let me guess - you forgot to bring something.

Bart: I'm offended you think I forgot. [He opens up his desk and rummages through it.] Let's see. [Takes out a sandwich with a bite out of it.] Tada!

Chalmers: Listen, boy, this is the only legacy you'll ever leave.

Bart: [opening the sandwich] Better make this count. [He blows his nose into the sandwich and puts it in the capsule.]
[Cut to: The Simpsons' kitchen. Marge is washing the dishes when she suddenly feels a disturbance.]
<poem>Marge: [gasps] My sandwich!

[Cut back to: The classroom. The lid on the capsule closes.]

Bart: [laughs mischievously]

[Scene: Town square. The Mayor is holding a burial in front of the Jebediah Springfield Statue.]

Quimby: And so, a thousand years from now, this capsule will be opened by some future Mayor Quimby. [The audience applauds as the camera pans to an "Artist's Rendition" of a giant insect wearing the "Mayor" sash.]

[A steam shovel begins digging up the ground revealing some green ooze. All eyes turn to Mr. Burns.]

Burns: Uh, that could be anyone's ooze.

[The ooze bubbles up a skeleton wearing business clothes and a vest labeled "Atomic Energy Commission". The time capsule gets lowered into the hole. Some dark clouds appear in the sky. Some construction workers cover the hole with cement. Groundskeeper Willie scrapes the cement.]

Willie: [grunts] There.

Quimby: And now, to help secure the jazz vote, Liser Simpson will play her saxophone.

[Liza and a jazz trio play some music, but it begins to rain and the audience begins to scatter.]

Quimby: Even God hates jazz!

[Scene: 742 Evergreen Terrace, later that night.]
[Cut to: The living room. The Simpsons are in their pajamas watching TV. Lisa is seen emptying the water from her sax.]
<poem>Kent Brockman: [on TV] A mysterious electrical storm is currently wreaking havoc with our studio, but I'm not one of those brainless dolts who mindlessly reads a teleprompterererror401//:resetc:/shuttingdown

[An electrical surge occurs and we hear a familiar voice screaming, and a white figure falls from the sky into the front yard.]

Homer: What the hell was that?

Lisa: Probably just another piece of America's space junk falling out of orbit.

Bart: Remember when this country didn't suck? 'Cause I don't.

[Cut to: Outside. A hole is seen in the ground. The camera pans right to show circular footprints walking to the door.]

[Cut to: Homer and Marge's bedroom. Homer is awake reading a book entitled "How to Read a Book in Bed", while Marge is lying awake hearing something gurgling and belching. A piece of glass is heard shattering.]

Marge: [gasps] Homer, I think there's someone downstairs!

Homer: [taking off his reading glasses] Relax, Marge. It's probably just Homer coming home late from Moe's.

[Beat.]

Marge: Hmmm.

[Cut to: Upstairs. Homer walks down with Bart following him.]

Homer: [looking at his reflection in a mirror] Ooh, the eyes in that picture are following me!

Bart: Uh, that's a mirror.

Homer: Isn't all great art kind of a mirror?

[Cut to: The basement. Homer and Bart open the door. We hear the belch again.]

Homer: We better send the dog down.

[Homer tries to push Santa's Little Helper down the stairs.]

Homer: Come on! Here's your chance to protect us, boy! Come on!

Santa's Little Helper: [whimpers, growls, bites Homer and runs off]

Homer: Stupid dog. [looks at Bart and then pushes him towards the entrance]

Bart: [makes sounds like Santa's Little Helper and bites Homer]

[A crash is heard downstairs.]

Voice: Ow.

[Homer and Bart move closer toward the door.]

Homer: We'll have to set a trap, Bait—I mean Bart.

[Jump cut to: Homer ties a rope to the top of the bannister. Pan to downstairs. Bart is hanging upside down from the bottom of the rope with a piece of paper with the words "Tasty Boy" written on it taped to him.]

Homer: [offscreen] All set. When he starts gnawing at you, I'll whack him with this broom.

[A shadowy figure appears behind Bart.]

Bart: [gasps]

[Bart opens his eyes as a shadowy figure twirls him around.]

Shadowy Figure: Ooh! [laughs]

[The shadowy figure turns its attention to some crates of Duff beer. It begins to open a can.]

Homer: Don't drink my loved ones!

[Homer whacks the shadowy figure with a broom and the shadowy figure is revealed to be...]

Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass!

Homer: A robot with a catchphrase!

Bart: Hey, Homer, you gonna kiss him or kill him?

[Homer whacks Bart with the broom and Bart begins to twirl around rapidly.]

Bender: All right! Tetherboy!

[Homer and Bender each take turns smacking Bart around until the rope catches on fire and drops Bart to the ground.]

Bender: [laughs]

Homer: Okay, so what are you?

Bart: Must be a secret government project.

Bender: Whoa, what do I look like, a narc? My name is Bender, and I come from... [using his finger as a flashlight under his chin] ...the future!

Homer: Prove it! What happens to Homer Simpson in the future?

Bender: I 'unno. Ya die?

Homer: Oh...my...God. He's telling the truth! I have to take you to our civic leaders.

[Scene: Moe's Tavern. Bender is seen drinking mugs of beer with Carl, Homer, Barney and Lenny.]

Bender: [fiery belch]

Moe: Hey, hibachi-head, how ya gonna pay for that?

Bender: Uh, lemme just transfer some, uh, electronic hypercredits into your register here. [stretches his arm and pushes a button on the side of the cash register] Ding-a-ding-a-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! [stretches his arm back] Ooh, and, uh, another round for my friends! [stretches his arm back to the register] Ding-da-da-ding-da-ding-ding!

Lenny, Carl, Homer and Barney: Yeah!

Moe: [chuckles] Hey, this blade rummy is all right! He's a big spender, plus he fixed the jukebox! I think they had a thing goin'.

Jukebox Music: Oh, baby, what you done to me— [scratch]

Bender: I hate it when they get quiet.

Homer: Listen, uh, I know you're a robot and incapable of emotion.

Bender: [sobs] It's true. I'm empty inside! [sobs loudly]

Homer: Uh, look, I just wanna ask, can we be friends? You're the only guy I know with less hair than me.

Bender: Sure. That's why I came to your time..for all you know.

Moe, Lenny, Carl, Homer and Barney: [clinking their glasses] For all we know!

[Scene: Barney's Bowlarama.]

[Cut to: Inside. Bender is bowling with the guys.]

Bender: [laughs]

[POV shot from Bender's visor. The screen says "Calculating Trajectory". His visor points to the first pin saying "Optimal Trajectory". Bender bowls but it lands in the gutter.]

Bender: D'oh! [Closeup on the pins revealing one of Bender's arms flicking the pins down. Pull out to reveal Bender's arm in the ball carrier.] A, uh, strike! A totally legitimate strike!

[Bender pulls his arm to Homer's hand for a high four...er, three...er...whatever.]

Homer: Yeah! [laughs] Hey. uh, what's the robot version of bromance?

Bender: Ro-mance.

Homer: You future guys have a word for everything...pal.

[Scene: The Simpsons' living room. Homer and Bender are seen sleeping on the couch. Bart and Lisa observe them.]

Lisa: You know, they look a little similar.

Bart: [drawing on a pad of paper] Yeah. Like the guy who designed Bender just took a drawing of Dad and stuck an antenna on it.

Lisa: A little lazy if you ask me. [Bart nods] Regardless, I see no reason to believe that Bender is from the future. Robotic technology today is very advanced.

Bender: Oh, really? Can your modern-day robotics do this?

[He shows his mouth displaying text reading "Happy Birthday, Lisa" while "The Stars and Stripes Forever" plays.]

Lisa: It's not my birthday, although Maggie's is pretty soon.

Bender: Ah, I can't do Maggie. G's look like 6's.

[Bender's mouth now displays the text "Ma66ie".]]

[Scene: Springfield Heights Institute of Technology.]

[Cut to: Frink's lab. Professor Frink is with Bender and Lisa.]

Lisa: [to Frink] This is the robot who claims to be from the future.

Bender: Can your present-day robots do this? [He takes his head off and sticks a "tongue" out at Frink.]

Frink: Er, no. No, they cannot. Not sure why they'd want to. Gorbid. Now, why are you here? What is your mission, uh, so to speak?

Bender: I don't remember.

[Frink walks behind Bender and opens the back of his head.]

Bender: Hey, this guy doesn't ask permission, he just goes right in you.

Frink: Eh, aha! Bender's mission protocol is definitely intact. It just requires a delicate procedure known as "unplug and replug". [laughs and does so] Because that fixes everything.

[Bender reboots.]

Bender: I remember why i'm here! To kill Homer Simpson!

Lisa and Frink: [gasp]

Homer: My ears are burning!

Bender: Not yet, but they will be!

[Bender opens his cavity revealing a bunch of weapons.]

Homer: AAAH!!! A boxing glove!

[Cut to: The Simpsons' living room. Farnsworth, Lisa, and Frink walk through the door.]

Farnsworth: Good news, everyone!

Fry: [whispering to Bart] That means it's bad!

Farnsworth: The human DNA in the creatures was only half Homer's. The other half came from... [dramatic sting] someone else!

Frink: Oh, so we can kill that person instead! Maybe they're evil and deserve it. Or have one of those annoying VOY-sess that gets on everybody's nerves, with the adding extra noises for no reason. Mayvin! Ployngee.

Farnsworth: And the other person is...

[Farnsworth pours some liquid into a device. The image on screen is Marge.]

Homer: Who's that?

Marge: It's me!

Homer: [gasps]

[Cut to: Planet Express headquarters. The crew and the Simpsons are seen in the meeting room. Nibbler pops out and gets chased by a bunch of Bart-lizard-type hybrids.]

Homer: [bored] Why you little... [tears one apart] Why you little... [tears another one apart] Why you little... [tears another one apart] Why you little... [tears another one apart] Why you little... [holds up Bart]

Bart: Dad! It's me!

Homer: Prove it! When's your birthday?

Bart: February 23rd!

Homer: Ha! February has no 23rd! [strangles him]

Marge: Yes it does!

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