Transcript:Attack of the Killer App

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Transcript for
Attack of the Killer App
Written by	Patric M. Verrone
Transcribed by	Jasonbres

[Opening Credits.]

[Scene: Exterior shot of Citihall. A banner under the now dated logo reads "e-Waste Not, e-Want Not". A huge crowd is gathered outside as Mayor C. Randall Poopenmeyer makes a speech.]

Poopenmeyer: As mayor, it is my deeply tedious pleasure to kick off the 83rd or 84th Annual e-Waste Recycling Festival!

[The camera cuts to the crowd, some of whom are carrying old machines like Apple computers from 1984. The camera stops on Bender, Fry, and Leela.]

Bender: Down in front!

[Zoidberg is seen with the fin on his head.]

Zoidberg: Sorry, I get aroused in crowds.

[The fin disappears.]

Poopenmeyer: I will now throw out the ceremonial first dump: [takes an old machine that says Elect-O-Matic 2000 and is about to put it in the recycling bin] this old inefficient vote rigger! [throws it away as the crowd cheers and the fin grows back on Zoidberg's head]
[Cut to: Farnsworth and Hermes carry a box labeled "Old Doomsday Devices" to the bin]
<poem>Farnsworth: These old doomsday devices are dangerously unstable. I'll rest easier not knowing where they are.

[They throw them away as the camera pans to Amy, Zoidberg, Leela, and Fry carrying an electronic toilet.]

Leela: So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet!

Toilet: [in a stereotypical Japanese accent] Please. I not to throw away. I give you, uh, Happy Poopie Time.

Fry: Sorry, you know too much.

[Fry drops the toilet in the bin as everyone watches it drop.]

[Cut to: Bender sneaks to a bin in the back of the place and laughs.]

Bender: Seems like a good place to ditch some evidence. [takes something out of his cavity, opens the bin and finds a familiar robot] Flexo?! What are you doin' in a hazardous wastebin?

Flexo: Haven't you heard? Us bending units are dangerously outdated. We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile dysfun—

[Bender closes the door on his bearded twin before he can finish the common side effects.]

Farnsworth: Who were you talking to?

Bender: [slides the evidence with his footcup under the bin] No one? Your mama? Shut up? Take your pick.

[Cut to: Mayor Poopenmeyer is having his picture taken as he kisses a little robot and then recycles it.]

Scoop Chang: Scoop Chang, New New York Times Online Podcast blog comments editor. Mr. Mayor, isn't this e-waste dangerous?

Poopenmeyer: Not at all, Scoop. Not after it's off to the Third World by an expendable team of minimum-wage nobodies.

[The camera pans to Farnsworth, Leela, Fry, and Bender.]

Farnsworth: [whispering to the other three] Good news, nobodies!

[The crew gets angry at Farnsworth.]

[Scene: Space. The Planet Express ship flies past the sun and approaches a brown dirty planet.]

[First Caption: Third World]

[Second Caption: Of the Antares System]

[The ship flies into its ring which is composed of all old devices.]

[Scene: Exterior shot. The ship lands past many smokestacks and coal factories.]

Antarian #1: Greetings, my friends. It shan't take long to strip down your clunker. [knocks the staircase twice]

Leela: There's nothing wrong with our clunker.

Antarian #1: Really? Because we can smelt out the deadly, deadly chromium to make rat poison and artificial sweeteners.

Leela: No, thanks. We're delivering e-waste.

Antarian #1: Pity. We're halfway done.

[The camera cuts to a wide shop of the ship which is now stripped down to its wiring frame. Another Antarian is stripping down Bender's cavity.]

Antarian #2: This thing is 40% chromium.

[Cut to: A closeup shot of one of the smokestacks. A bird flies through the smoke and becomes a skeleton. The camera pans down to show Fry, Leela and the no longer stripped Bender carrying one of the recycling bins being led by the first Antarian.]

Antarian #1: Gentle now. Gentle with the hover dumpster.

[They stop and break the hover dumpster revealing all the old e-waste. The Antarian takes out a can of flammable oil.]

Antarian #1: Ready for processing! [squirts the oil, takes out a match, lights it, and spreads it on the oil]

Fry: [sniffs as his nose bleeds] What smells like bloody sinuses?

Antarian #1: We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water.

[He indicates a rather frail looking dog licking from a dirty puddle of water. It pants as its tail becomes dismembered.]

Leela: Uch! That's the worst thing I've ever seen!

Antarian #1: Really? Then don't look over there. [points to a bunch of Antarian children playing in a pile of e-Waste, to the kids] Okay, kids, let's play Find the Shiny!

[The kids rummage through the e-waste and cough but still manage to find something shiny.]

Leela: That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children?

Antarian #1: No. Not the whipping.
[We hear three whip cracks.]
[Scene: Exterior shot of the Planet Express building.]
[Scene: Interior shot of the Planet Express living room. Fry and Bender are on the couch, Leela is standing up, while everyone else is sitting at the table.]
<poem>Leela: Granted, we later learned some positive things about recycling. But a better solution is to use our electronics as long as possible, instead of throwing them out in the first place. [walks toward the trash can] I'm gonna start by keeping my old cell phone, even if it is outdated.

[Leela opens the cell phone to reveal that it is an old rotary cell phone.]

Phone: [like an old 1930's switchboard operator] Hello, Miss Turanga, your call to St. Louis has gone through.

Bender: [grabbing the television] Well, let's at least throw this TV out. [rips it from the wall] The batteries in the remote are gettin' low.

Leela: No! Put that back and turn it on!

Bender: I was just tryin' to help. [puts the television back on the wall as Fry turns it on with the remote]

[Morbo is seen on the television next to a graphic of a cat hanging from a tree with the caption "Death Plunge"]

Morbo: More on this breaking puff piece after a word from our sponsor.

[An advertisement that is a parody of Apple iPhone commercials comes on]

Announcer: WIth the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your E-mail while getting hit by a train. All with the new eyePhone.

Mom (v.o.): From Mom.

Leela: A new eyePhone? Forget this junk. [throws out her cell phone again]

Phone: Well, this is a fine howdoyoudo.

Hermes: [throws out his BlackBerry] So long.

Fry: [throws out his phone] Sayonara.

Amy: [throws out her miniature cell phone] Buh-bye.

Zoidberg: [throws out his shell phone] Good riddance.

Bender: [throws out his old wireless phone] Yep.

Farnsworth: [throws out his even older wireless phone] Toodle-oo!

Leela: Come on! Let's buy some eyePhones on line!

[Scene: Exterior of Planet Express building. Leela, Fry, Amy, Bender, Zoidberg, Farnsworth and Hermes walk out the door and come to a sudden stop.]

Fry: Wait. I thought we were buying our eyePhones online.

Leela: We are on line.

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